JustPearlyThings - October 29, 2023


Every Feminist HATES This Kind Of Woman…


Episode Stats


Length

10 minutes

Words per minute

210.40927

Word count

2,113

Sentence count

232

Harmful content

Misogyny

17

sentences flagged

Toxicity

18

sentences flagged

Hate speech

7

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we talk about our biggest red flags when it comes to a potential partner and how to look out for them. We also talk about how to deal with someone that doesn t communicate well with you and why you should just not argue.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 Let's say she wants to be a mother. 1.00
00:00:03.920 She wants to be a mother and have a family. 0.91
00:00:05.520 That's a giant green flag.
00:00:07.280 Because she's looking for the same thing I'm looking for, a family.
00:00:10.340 She likes to cook. 1.00
00:00:12.380 Doesn't have to be the greatest cook, but she's willing to learn to cook the things I like. 0.98
00:00:15.820 Excellent.
00:00:17.320 Random acts of kindness.
00:00:18.900 So something as simple as I'm sitting down and working at my desk,
00:00:22.880 and she comes up and just gives me a nice shoulder massage out of the blue. 1.00
00:00:25.520 That is a giant winner.
00:00:27.820 That'll add a year.
00:00:30.000 Not two years, though.
00:00:35.120 You've got one more year of runway, all right?
00:00:38.500 These kind of things.
00:00:39.680 Not two, though.
00:00:40.280 We don't want to get carried away.
00:00:41.460 Yeah, we don't want to get carried away.
00:00:45.100 What is, prefers like country life over city life?
00:00:49.360 Okay.
00:00:50.080 Like quiet town, small town life over city life.
00:00:53.440 Okay.
00:00:53.820 Not a giant partier.
00:00:55.460 Not a big, heavy drinker.
00:00:57.560 Doesn't do drugs.
00:00:58.500 Doesn't do weed.
00:00:59.100 That's a big red flag for me.
00:01:00.240 The girl does weed. 1.00
00:01:01.380 Nope.
00:01:01.960 I don't care how young she is.
00:01:03.180 Nope.
00:01:03.820 Out.
00:01:03.940 20?
00:01:05.240 20, but weed?
00:01:06.320 Out.
00:01:07.200 No.
00:01:08.020 No.
00:01:08.700 No.
00:01:09.140 You can't negotiate with me on this.
00:01:10.480 I don't negotiate with terrorists.
00:01:13.520 All right.
00:01:15.440 20, 22.
00:01:17.480 But, but, goes to the club twice a month.
00:01:22.680 I would have to find some of her friends, or the people she's hung out with, and get like
00:01:31.600 the dirt.
00:01:33.140 Get some like insider intel.
00:01:35.560 Are women snitches? 1.00
00:01:36.820 Hundreds. 0.99
00:01:37.700 Hundreds.
00:01:38.300 Hundreds.
00:01:38.780 Hundreds.
00:01:39.340 Hundreds.
00:01:40.140 Everyone's nodding.
00:01:41.300 Hundreds.
00:01:42.180 They stitch on themselves.
00:01:44.140 Of course they're going to stitch on their girlfriend. 0.98
00:01:48.440 Okay.
00:01:50.040 I wanted to ask about ics.
00:01:52.600 Okay.
00:01:53.000 Women have ics. 1.00
00:01:53.960 Men have ics. 0.99
00:01:55.120 So, I want to talk about, what is the last time you've broken up with someone over something?
00:02:00.820 Like, what was the ick?
00:02:01.840 Or, like, stopped going on dates with someone?
00:02:04.840 I'm curious from the women. 1.00
00:02:06.660 Tell me the last, like, ick you got with someone you were seeing.
00:02:10.920 I would say, like, he has some sassy gestures.
00:02:15.160 Like, just picking stuff up.
00:02:18.660 Like, the way you're drinking out of a glass.
00:02:21.880 We're sitting at the movies, and you've got to have, like.
00:02:23.940 Is it the pinky?
00:02:25.060 Is it, like, the tea with the pinky?
00:02:27.160 It's the, it's the pony.
00:02:28.440 Like, why are you eating a popsicle as a grown man?
00:02:30.740 Like, I don't know.
00:02:31.840 I saw a TikTok, and it's, like, men have to eat certain stuff.
00:02:38.600 Like, break it off.
00:02:39.320 Like, the banana.
00:02:40.080 Like, you need to be breaking the banana off and toss it in your mouth.
00:02:42.460 Like, you don't need to be doing all these sassy gestures.
00:02:45.820 So, yeah, that's definitely ick for me.
00:02:47.460 Because, why are you so loose?
00:02:51.360 Why are you so loose?
00:02:52.200 Wow.
00:02:52.660 It's true, dog.
00:02:53.720 You sound pickier than me.
00:02:57.720 Oh, my gosh.
00:02:58.700 Hey, he can stop with the sassy gesture.
00:03:01.240 She can't un-age.
00:03:06.400 Okay, go ahead.
00:03:08.780 Mine has been for communication.
00:03:11.160 I can't deal with somebody that doesn't communicate well with me.
00:03:14.560 Okay.
00:03:15.420 What does that actually mean?
00:03:16.340 What does that, yeah, that's it.
00:03:17.640 Communication as in, we can have our conversation, right?
00:03:20.820 But if you're still walking away and saying, well, you're still in the wrong, that wasn't, the communication wasn't really there.
00:03:27.540 Because you've listened to what I've said, but I'm still in the wrong.
00:03:29.480 So, you're talking about arguments, specifically?
00:03:31.260 Yeah.
00:03:31.560 Communication barrier needs to be there.
00:03:33.240 Why don't you just not argue?
00:03:34.980 Yeah.
00:03:35.600 Because it depends on what the argument is about.
00:03:36.980 It may not have wanted to be an argument.
00:03:38.560 It may have just been something that I've brought up.
00:03:41.920 And now, I may be the bad one because I've nagged.
00:03:45.920 But yeah, yeah.
00:03:46.380 He gets called as nagging.
00:03:47.760 Or hear me out.
00:03:50.860 We could just not bring it up.
00:03:53.560 Yeah, we could.
00:03:54.640 But then that's why I would rather walk away from it.
00:03:56.340 Either way, that's where the relationship ends.
00:03:58.300 Because if I can't, if I actually cannot open my mouth.
00:04:00.860 Express yourself.
00:04:01.900 Yeah.
00:04:02.520 If I feel like I'm being...
00:04:03.520 But why do you have to express to him?
00:04:04.980 Can't you, like...
00:04:06.140 Because what I'm hearing, it just...
00:04:08.560 I could be wrong.
00:04:09.340 I don't know you, right?
00:04:10.000 But from what you're saying, it sounds like codependency.
00:04:12.360 Where the other person needs to adhere to all of your emotional needs.
00:04:15.600 So what I would say is, why can't you let it build up a bit?
00:04:18.960 But at least then you keep the peace in the home.
00:04:21.120 And then maybe you can call your mum or you can call your friend and go,
00:04:23.420 he did this really annoying thing.
00:04:24.660 But it's a little annoying thing.
00:04:25.900 Yeah, no.
00:04:26.260 I don't believe that relationships should be involved in family members and friends.
00:04:29.660 I'm sorry.
00:04:30.060 I'm not going to call my friend and be like, oh, he did this.
00:04:33.080 No, a little thing.
00:04:34.280 So if it's something big.
00:04:35.440 Yeah, unless it's something big, what am I even talking about anyway?
00:04:37.800 Right, but you said, you mentioned the word nagging.
00:04:40.860 Yeah, so it gets classed as nagging because it may be something that I've brought up.
00:04:44.080 But you're just expressing yourself.
00:04:45.260 And it's been swept under the carpet and I've let it go.
00:04:47.480 Could be like six months later now and I've decided, you know what,
00:04:49.880 I want this conversation again.
00:04:51.980 And it gets swept under the carpet again.
00:04:54.140 Can I have an example of like, what, what, you're thinking of a situation.
00:04:57.740 What happened?
00:04:58.280 It's not a specific situation.
00:05:01.840 No, no, there's something in your head.
00:05:04.060 I see you thinking.
00:05:05.100 Do you know what it is?
00:05:05.800 I hear it a lot as well from women. 1.00
00:05:07.560 It's just that, it's just the communication.
00:05:09.660 For me, it's communication.
00:05:11.060 But you see, okay, but you see how broad this is to a guy.
00:05:13.820 Because there's guys watching, right?
00:05:15.320 And they think communication.
00:05:16.560 Yeah, yeah.
00:05:17.140 And they think.
00:05:17.520 That's all women say is communication. 1.00
00:05:18.640 They don't communicate with me.
00:05:20.040 Yes, yes.
00:05:20.560 Just sit there, listen, and just tell me yes.
00:05:22.840 Listen, listen.
00:05:23.280 But you're the, okay, so, but isn't that sort of narcissism?
00:05:28.380 I need to be told yes all the time?
00:05:30.400 Well, no, not yes all the time.
00:05:32.040 But I mean, at least just try and take in whatever I may be expressing at the time.
00:05:35.700 If it feels like it's gone over your head. 1.00
00:05:38.220 But what if what you're saying is stupid? 1.00
00:05:40.600 Then tell me I'm being stupid. 1.00
00:05:41.760 I would run with that in the whole. 0.99
00:05:45.600 From what I'm hearing, right, it sounds, I had a friend who went through a kind of situation
00:05:50.160 similar to this in the way his missus was communicating this.
00:05:53.420 To me, it kind of sounds like you just needed him to tell you everything's going to be okay. 0.99
00:05:59.260 I just wanted to know if what I'm saying, you actually feel that it is stupid, 0.99
00:06:03.700 or you agree with what I'm saying. 0.97
00:06:05.200 There needs to be some sort of understanding.
00:06:07.100 If we haven't come down to a decision of, yeah, you're being over the top.
00:06:11.500 How is you coming across?
00:06:12.700 Sometimes it's not what you see, it's how you see it.
00:06:14.340 It's how you deliver it, yeah.
00:06:15.500 And sometimes a lot of women are very aggy. 1.00
00:06:17.600 We don't approach it correctly.
00:06:20.340 That is another thing.
00:06:21.080 I'm just keeping it stepping.
00:06:21.660 That is another thing.
00:06:22.740 It is how you approach it and how you, yeah, open up the conversation. 1.00
00:06:27.400 You're not going to accept from calling you stupid, though. 0.99
00:06:30.220 But I have, listen, I'm very understanding. 0.99
00:06:34.380 I know how to communicate.
00:06:35.480 I'm very grown. 0.99
00:06:36.800 If the option was stupid, how would you react to that? 1.00
00:06:39.420 I'd want you to explain why the fuck I'm being stupid. 1.00
00:06:43.100 But then again, it does, it ends up coming down to that, the cycle of the argument, 1.00
00:06:48.260 how women get into arguments with guys and the whole communication.
00:06:50.380 Well, that's it.
00:06:51.060 It sounds like you wanted an argument.
00:06:52.680 Yeah.
00:06:52.980 Sometimes it's what I mean.
00:06:53.260 Because you wanted his attention.
00:06:54.820 Yeah.
00:06:55.280 You wanted his attention.
00:06:56.400 So you rev it up.
00:06:57.720 No, no, no.
00:06:58.380 You get an argument going.
00:07:00.380 It may have been something simple.
00:07:01.820 You get five minutes of his attention, but he's fired up and he's passionate with you.
00:07:05.180 No, it could be something simple, like every day I'll ask you, babe, can you make sure
00:07:08.200 that the dishes that you put in the sink, you wash it?
00:07:10.560 If I've now dealt with that for a whole year and after a year, I'll be like, you know what,
00:07:13.460 babes, I've dealt with you not washing the dishes that I've asked you every single day
00:07:17.680 to make sure you wash.
00:07:19.220 And then you come up with some silly response of, well, I put them in the sink.
00:07:23.620 Yeah, don't you just accept that he's not going to wash the dishes in the sink?
00:07:27.100 And then just leave it.
00:07:27.940 Just like, hey.
00:07:28.560 Because it's about acceptance.
00:07:29.900 No, I'm just using an example, but.
00:07:33.320 Babe, get me a dishwasher. 1.00
00:07:34.060 I'm just thinking, like, what's up?
00:07:35.920 Buy me a dishwasher.
00:07:37.140 No, it's just easy to spread it in.
00:07:38.620 I'm just using your credit card, please.
00:07:39.980 I'm just thinking, what else is the chick there for? 0.99
00:07:42.920 Isn't that your job?
00:07:44.080 No, that was just an example.
00:07:45.140 What do we want to do for 50-50 burial?
00:07:46.420 It's an example.
00:07:48.360 I couldn't think of another example.
00:07:49.980 I just thought that she's in the sink.
00:07:51.180 But I mean, like, you have to remember, I'm a mother at this.
00:07:53.620 So I speak to my child all day long.
00:07:55.600 I have to, don't do this, don't do that.
00:07:57.340 I don't want to have to deal with a man.
00:07:58.720 I say, babes, don't, you know, after that, that's it.
00:08:01.040 I have to keep reminding you not to do something.
00:08:03.740 But so do exactly, live exactly how I want.
00:08:07.220 I am not your mother.
00:08:08.580 But that's the point.
00:08:09.520 Like, you're not supposed to try to control someone.
00:08:11.840 Someone, yeah.
00:08:12.400 Yeah, like, only off the 30th, they try to do that.
00:08:14.940 Also, I was going to say, I was also going to say, if that's the way you're even going to
00:08:22.100 put it, ain't no daughter of you who's going to tell me, I told you to wash the plates. 1.00
00:08:26.560 Like, in whose house?
00:08:27.040 That was an example.
00:08:29.620 No, but the fact is that how you're going to wash their plates.
00:08:32.640 No, but the point is, even if it's an example, that is the way you gave the example.
00:08:36.520 So that's more than likely the way you're going to do it.
00:08:37.620 How you approach it.
00:08:39.020 Is that how you approach it, though, on a normal day?
00:08:41.020 That's how she's probably going to approach it.
00:08:42.340 Because if that's not how she was going to approach it, she'll have given the example.
00:08:44.880 Of the, of the, yeah.
00:08:46.320 Fact.
00:08:46.760 I'm scared of you.
00:08:47.560 Ladies, you're getting to my feelings. 1.00
00:08:49.160 I'm scared of you.
00:08:49.600 Stop it.
00:08:50.020 Don't be scared of me.
00:08:51.140 I mean, I'm very, I like to get my point across.
00:08:54.400 Do you get angered very quick by men in a relationship?
00:08:58.080 I would say a few years ago, 1,000%.
00:09:00.160 You did.
00:09:00.260 But now you control your emotions.
00:09:01.780 I've calmed down a lot.
00:09:02.980 Yeah, because it's very much learning to understand the person that you're with.
00:09:07.000 Understanding my wrongs.
00:09:08.460 All right.
00:09:08.820 I feel like, correct me if I'm wrong, so I feel like your preference of communication
00:09:13.300 comes from, like, instead of just sweeping on the rug and, you know, leaving you because
00:09:17.500 I realized something about you, let me make sure and confirm this is who you are.
00:09:21.980 And I'm not saying that's the right mindset, because if somebody is not washing the dishes
00:09:25.600 for a year, then they're probably not going to ever wash the dishes, so you need to accept
00:09:28.580 that.
00:09:29.020 I don't go.
00:09:29.320 But some people would rather communicate, fight through it, and maybe if you get some understanding,
00:09:34.320 you can change somebody's mind.
00:09:35.500 Not necessarily change their habits, but change their mind.
00:09:37.620 I get some clarity on, this is how you think, this is how you move, this is how the person
00:09:41.180 you are, rather than just sweep it under the rug a year later, now I'm pissed off, I'm
00:09:45.660 just going to leave you because you've done X, Y, Z.
00:09:48.460 We've had a conversation, and you understand, I'm not going to accept this, now I'm going
00:09:53.320 to leave you.
00:09:54.200 Can I ask you, if you does wash the dishes, what's your response? 1.00
00:09:57.740 Damn. 0.99
00:09:58.460 Go and Hoover now. 1.00
00:09:59.240 Go and Hoover.
00:09:59.860 You're not Hoovering.
00:10:00.540 You're not Hoovering.