JustPearlyThings - May 08, 2023


Everyone on the Panel Rate Themselves


Episode Stats


Length

12 minutes

Words per minute

221.10405

Word count

2,761

Sentence count

230

Harmful content

Misogyny

17

sentences flagged

Hate speech

15

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we are joined by a very special guest who grew up in a very religious household. She shares her story of how she was raised in a religious household and how she managed to break out of it and become a successful Muslim woman. She also shares her experience of living with her family and how it has shaped her into the woman she is today.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 Do you think you're above average and what do you bring to an above average guy?
00:00:03.780 I think I am an average girl, as you said, Tori.
00:00:06.240 It's a bit silly if we don't grow.
00:00:08.160 There's always time to grow.
00:00:09.760 There's always space for knowledge.
00:00:13.180 I grew up in a very religious household.
00:00:15.700 So for me, it is quite naturally to submit.
00:00:18.020 Once you understand how things go, it's not a bad thing.
00:00:21.980 Like, it's not negative.
00:00:23.420 It's not toxic.
00:00:24.880 If anything, I feel like in this society, this modern world,
00:00:28.400 do you know how powerful you are as a woman to submit?
00:00:32.140 In this world, you can be an animal if you want to.
00:00:34.880 You have the freedom to say, I'm a slug.
00:00:37.740 And yet you choose to submit for your man.
00:00:40.060 I find that very powerful and there's nothing wrong with that.
00:00:42.700 I feel like it makes sense.
00:00:43.820 There's balance in the house.
00:00:44.980 He knows what to do.
00:00:45.760 You know what to do.
00:00:46.820 And it just brings nurture as well.
00:00:49.140 And you taught me that as well.
00:00:50.420 Oh, thank you.
00:00:51.720 But I did grow up in that kind of household.
00:00:53.840 Okay, so you have a model of like a...
00:00:57.340 That's something guys look for, your family background for sure.
00:01:00.800 I still live with my family.
00:01:01.760 I'm not allowed to move out until I get married.
00:01:04.260 Really?
00:01:04.940 Yeah, there's a line that I can't cross.
00:01:06.880 I've heard guys say that's like a green flag where it's like,
00:01:10.080 yeah, if she still lives with her parents, that's good.
00:01:12.380 I've heard guys say like if she... 1.00
00:01:13.980 Like they look at your family background to see if your mom submitted to your dad.
00:01:17.840 Yeah, I'm actually 25.
00:01:19.460 If it gets like late, I'll have a phone call.
00:01:21.560 Like, where are you?
00:01:22.900 What time are you coming home?
00:01:24.360 This is my house.
00:01:25.360 I live with my family too.
00:01:26.420 So when I was younger, I didn't like it at all.
00:01:28.600 But now that I'm 25, I appreciate it so much because I've avoided so much.
00:01:32.680 I've avoided so much.
00:01:33.700 It's amazing.
00:01:34.540 Yeah.
00:01:35.080 So thank you, my brother.
00:01:36.080 Thank you, mom.
00:01:36.740 Thank you, everyone, honestly.
00:01:38.360 Okay.
00:01:38.940 Do you have anything else you want to add to it?
00:01:40.860 So you live at home, you know, you've seen a successful relationship.
00:01:44.100 What else?
00:01:45.960 You know how to cook?
00:01:47.780 I've got forced to learn how to cook.
00:01:49.900 I've got forced to learn how to cook.
00:01:51.140 And I hated it.
00:01:51.720 But now I'm so thankful, honestly.
00:01:54.440 What types of food do you like to cook?
00:01:56.080 So I love Arab food.
00:01:57.780 So for me, it's all about the rice and the chicken and the sauce.
00:02:02.000 So I would say that, yeah.
00:02:04.680 But I don't mind learning other culture as well.
00:02:07.620 I don't really mind.
00:02:08.640 Could you date a man outside your culture?
00:02:10.620 If you're God-fearing, yes.
00:02:12.020 For me, you need God in your life.
00:02:14.600 Otherwise, there is just, I don't think anything can be successful.
00:02:17.940 But that's my opinion, because if you don't, and a family, family man.
00:02:21.740 Because for me, if you don't respect your mom, you're not going to respect a stranger.
00:02:25.660 I have a, wait, so what religion are you?
00:02:27.780 So I grew up, dad was Christian, mom was Muslim.
00:02:30.980 So I did have both sides and loved them both.
00:02:34.300 And I'm so happy that I had both because it opened my mind as well.
00:02:39.280 Yeah.
00:02:39.680 Which one do you?
00:02:44.160 They're so similar.
00:02:46.920 Really?
00:02:47.400 They're so, yeah.
00:02:48.200 That's so interesting.
00:02:49.160 Yeah, they're so similar.
00:02:50.400 I used to actually go to church, churches a lot.
00:02:53.640 Again, I don't, please, it's just my opinion.
00:02:56.900 For me, my problem.
00:02:58.380 No one's going to yell at you.
00:02:58.940 Yeah.
00:02:59.900 For me, my problem was, I just didn't, I couldn't understand how, like, Jesus was God.
00:03:05.480 So now when, then when I done my research in Islam, it was like, he's a prophet.
00:03:10.480 So for me, that made sense.
00:03:11.680 And I thought, okay, like it answered my question, but they're the same.
00:03:14.860 We need to do good.
00:03:15.740 There's tradition.
00:03:16.800 There is respect for me.
00:03:19.400 The end result is the same.
00:03:20.980 I'm curious because I've noticed in Christian churches, they're kind of driving men out where there's not a lot of young men in Christian churches anymore.
00:03:28.520 It's like, if you look at them, like, if you go into a church under like, I don't know, 35 ish, it's mostly women. 0.57
00:03:35.480 And I'm curious, is, are there more young men in like Muslim religions?
00:03:40.300 From what I'm seeing now, there's a lot of converts.
00:03:42.820 I feel like there's, there is more happening now.
00:03:46.800 So, yeah, I think there's, there's loads of men in the mosques.
00:03:50.900 Yeah, because I think it's one of the few religions that, that keeps traditional masculinity where the Christians are kind of, they're kind of gone. 0.99
00:03:58.480 Yeah, because back in the days, it was, it was so similar, but now people are trying to make it so modern.
00:04:04.520 And it's like, you can't pick and choose.
00:04:06.480 Yeah, yeah.
00:04:07.120 And they just like pander because most of the women are the ones like paying into churches. 1.00
00:04:11.420 So the problem is they just pander to women.
00:04:13.800 Yeah.
00:04:13.920 And I've heard like some churches, like you can have gay marriages and stuff.
00:04:17.740 And it's like, you can't pick and choose.
00:04:19.240 And the other thing is they always have like, what do they call it?
00:04:22.460 Corn addiction groups for the men, but they never have social media addiction groups for the women.
00:04:28.100 And it's like, they always like put out women on a pedestal.
00:04:30.660 Even if she's like ran through and had two kids, you should still wait till you're married with her. 0.98
00:04:34.300 It's like, what are you, what?
00:04:39.280 It's like simping.
00:04:40.300 Okay, I was just curious.
00:04:43.500 What about you?
00:04:44.500 I know I'm average.
00:04:45.880 Reason being is because I'm not a wife yet.
00:04:48.380 I think the best way to measure if someone is above average is to look at their relationship status.
00:04:54.820 And I feel like if a man hasn't signed some papers and made a promise in front of God to be with me forever and have kids with me,
00:05:01.240 then that definitely means I am an average woman.
00:05:04.140 And it's like going into a singing competition and then, you know, the judge is Whitney Houston.
00:05:08.740 If Whitney Houston tells me I am not good, then that means I'm definitely, you know, not above average when it comes to singing.
00:05:15.140 So, yeah, in terms of my relationship status, I'm still single.
00:05:18.180 I haven't found anyone who is, you know, ready to commit to me.
00:05:21.820 So that means there's some things that I need to improve on.
00:05:24.760 So, yeah, I'm average and I'm happy about it.
00:05:26.920 It just goes to show that I'm a work in progress.
00:05:29.120 So what, you're going to leave the value of yourself in the hands of somebody else?
00:05:32.740 Not the hands of someone else, but it's just...
00:05:35.380 You should.
00:05:36.040 Not really the hands of someone else.
00:05:37.020 Yeah, no, she's right.
00:05:37.680 I feel like, for me personally, I feel like a person's ability to maintain a relationship goes to show just how good of a person that they are.
00:05:47.400 It shows their compatibility, it shows their patience, and it also mirrors how a person can value them as well.
00:05:53.700 So for me, I think relationship is the best way to measure.
00:05:56.800 So, for example, if I saw a woman and she was 50 with six cats, I would think there's something really wrong with that woman. 0.76
00:06:02.980 Yeah, of course.
00:06:03.160 If I saw a woman who was like 20 and married, like, let's be real, the best way to measure how a person... 1.00
00:06:08.280 It's like when you see a female and she has like no friends, you would know there's something wrong with that girl. 1.00
00:06:12.760 Yeah, yeah, those extreme examples are valid. 1.00
00:06:14.620 So I definitely feel like the best way to see how a person is, you know, a good person is to see how they are with their relationships.
00:06:21.880 And I feel like with me, marriage is that epitome of like, okay, this person is a good person.
00:06:26.180 So yeah, I would say until I'm married, I definitely think I'm above average.
00:06:29.400 I think...
00:06:29.800 That's an interesting perspective.
00:06:31.060 I think you're right because it's like you have to judge based on your results.
00:06:35.360 It's like saying...
00:06:36.180 But what if you're married to the wrong person?
00:06:38.480 What if the other person is abusive or...
00:06:41.480 Exactly.
00:06:42.600 Possessive.
00:06:43.400 Why do we have this, oh, if you're married, it's got to be to the wrong person.
00:06:48.800 It's got to be abusive.
00:06:50.600 But I think like you as a woman, the type of guy you can maintain says something about you.
00:06:55.180 So it's got to be a quality husband too.
00:06:56.900 To an extent.
00:06:58.520 I definitely agree with you in the sense that like if you marry the wrong person and that definitely means you're average because how could you be so silly to not realize what's best for you?
00:07:06.420 So in that case, but let's be real, there's a lot of marriages that have worked out.
00:07:09.940 And for those that have worked out, I definitely think they are above average because your ability to keep someone happy, to be patient, to be compatible, to provide for them.
00:07:19.120 Like for me, when I think of above average, I think of someone who's nurturing, someone that can cook, someone that...
00:07:24.720 And when you package that, that's basically wifey material. 1.00
00:07:27.340 Traditional, traditional women get scooped up by 25. 1.00
00:07:29.980 The best women are gone by 25 out of the dating market because the best women want a family and want kids. 1.00
00:07:35.280 And they find the men that want a family and want kids and they're gone.
00:07:38.360 If I could get married tomorrow, I'll absolutely win.
00:07:41.120 Honestly.
00:07:42.340 Honestly.
00:07:43.260 But I definitely feel like society has lost that importance of like measuring someone by their relationships and how they're working.
00:07:50.860 So with that being said, I 100% agree with what you were saying, but on the lower scale, a man can come along and be absolute trash.
00:08:00.820 Let me just use...
00:08:02.860 Like, all right, cool.
00:08:04.360 So the way that my dad has worked, yeah, he's got with someone and he's married them.
00:08:10.360 And it's like, okay, she's not worthy.
00:08:13.060 He's just settled down with her because it's convenient.
00:08:16.720 Do you get what I'm saying?
00:08:17.460 So if she was to measure that by, oh, yeah, I'm great.
00:08:20.640 You're not great, babe.
00:08:21.780 You don't have a lot going on.
00:08:22.920 But he's married you because he's getting old and because all of these different factors.
00:08:27.340 On the larger scale, what you're saying, 100%, I agree with you and it makes sense.
00:08:30.900 But there are the lower percentage of men that are low quality.
00:08:36.500 I just want to make it clear.
00:08:37.440 I think what I was trying to say is if you're in a healthy marriage, I'm not going to sit here and say if a guy just chose you because he wanted to settle.
00:08:43.020 Right, right.
00:08:43.500 That's it.
00:08:43.860 No, there's definitely some circumstances where there's people that are married and they are below average because, again, they're abusive or the guy has settled or whatever.
00:08:51.640 But for the healthy marriages, and there is a lot of healthy marriages, it definitely goes to show your ability to be an above average person.
00:08:59.880 And another thing I realized, I feel like a lot of people focus too much on the negatives.
00:09:03.060 I feel like the negative situations of abusive partners and whatever, they're like a small percentage of things.
00:09:07.880 I think women are more abusive than men in 2023. 1.00
00:09:10.680 I think there's more women that hit men than men that hit women. 1.00
00:09:14.680 I just don't think it's reported.
00:09:16.280 I agree with that, actually.
00:09:17.440 Because women hit men when they're angry and when they're having arguments and they do like pushing and shabbing, but the men just don't retaliate. 1.00
00:09:23.140 So the thing is, as well, for a man, do you know how degrading it is to bring up that your woman has hit you?
00:09:28.100 Exactly.
00:09:28.500 You're not going to bring that up.
00:09:30.100 You're just going to keep it quiet.
00:09:31.600 So a lot of women, they brag, oh, you know, my man hit me. 1.00
00:09:34.160 A man ain't going to do that.
00:09:35.580 So it's very, very different.
00:09:36.340 And usually it's like the last straw because you've actually got him to that peak at that point.
00:09:40.020 So he's had to do something.
00:09:41.100 They also don't talk about the women that get a man to a certain point by verbally abusing him and then he snaps one day.
00:09:47.620 And then they label him as abusive or crazy when it's like, what's worse, being hit?
00:09:52.780 Like the scars heal the things that people say to you.
00:09:55.180 You can't take that back.
00:09:57.500 And can I also say that, like, sorry.
00:09:59.100 And even if you are like an average woman, I think what we need to understand, like, it's actually okay to be average.
00:10:04.640 That basically just means you're a working person.
00:10:06.820 So for everyone here, he's probably like single.
00:10:08.560 Or this is not me trying to say that there's like something wrong with you.
00:10:11.620 You're probably still a work in progress just like me.
00:10:13.920 And I think that's something like us as people need to learn to admit a little bit rather than just having this mindset of, okay, I'm a cat today.
00:10:21.080 So now I'm going to be a cat or I'm a dog.
00:10:22.880 Like, let's, you can be realistic in the present.
00:10:25.140 So, yeah, to answer that question, because I was kind of waffling, I'm definitely average.
00:10:29.140 Yeah, but I think, you know, when you said about like we focus on the negative, like for me personally, like someone might say, oh, you focus on the negative because I'm not like
00:10:37.880 definitely keen to get married and have kids right now.
00:10:40.900 And I've always been that girl that's like, live your life, travel, do what you want, like to all my friends, to women, young girls that I meet.
00:10:47.280 I'm like, I'm very much an advocate for that.
00:10:49.400 And then people may think, oh, it's because you've never had a healthy relationship in your life or you've not got that example.
00:10:54.320 Actually, no, my parents have been together since they were 16 and they're married and I live with them.
00:10:58.800 So I have had the best example, actually, but I have the most realistic example as well.
00:11:03.400 But that's a modern mindset.
00:11:04.700 That's a below average mindset.
00:11:06.140 Which, which wants to travel and explore the world and stuff.
00:11:09.060 Men don't want that. 1.00
00:11:10.140 Yeah, but why is it about what men want? 0.84
00:11:11.560 Because like men are the buyers. 0.99
00:11:12.960 You have to learn the buyers in order to be bought.
00:11:15.300 Yeah, but I just so, I so strongly disagree with that because I'm not going to live my life depending on what a man wants.
00:11:20.480 Like, absolutely not.
00:11:21.800 And that's a below average mindset.
00:11:23.240 That's the problem with modern women is that mindset. 1.00
00:11:24.780 But who said it's below average?
00:11:26.040 The men.
00:11:27.180 No man wants a girl that won't live her life for him in any way. 0.98
00:11:30.900 Let's ask him.
00:11:31.760 You're a man.
00:11:32.520 Is that a below average mindset?
00:11:33.920 Because as a woman, I feel like it's important to, you know, take care of yourself first when you're young, at least.
00:11:39.000 I'm not talking when you're older.
00:11:39.980 I'm saying you're like early 20s, teens.
00:11:41.840 Like travel, learn about yourself and don't focus so much on trying to get into a relationship and get married by 25.
00:11:48.100 No, I disagree.
00:11:48.660 You know, I think I'd want to be the one that takes her on that experience.
00:11:51.920 So she experiences with me for the first time.
00:11:54.000 So you think that's a below average mindset?
00:11:56.740 I'm still going to stand on my point because I still don't disagree with all of you.
00:12:01.160 No, I'm just telling you how men see it.
00:12:03.040 And like men see if you traveling around, men see that as you're sleeping around.
00:12:07.400 Like men, it's like, no, so men see it if you're in a different, in all these different cities that you're riding something in all these different cities.
00:12:14.680 That's how men see it.
00:12:15.700 It's also if you've been single for a long time, men see it as, oh, she's been doing, she's been doing something.
00:12:20.420 She's been up to something.
00:12:21.360 Like, that's how the guys see it.
00:12:22.580 And like, we'll be doing it.
00:12:27.280 We'll be fine too.
00:12:28.220 No, we'll be fine.