JustPearlyThings - Heated Debate on Cheating and Divorce

00:00:00.000 Coming up next.

00:00:00.920 Because I think like she's in a position she can be selective.

00:00:03.760 But if you have kids, yeah, I think it's selfish.

00:00:06.100 I think like once you have kids, it's not about you anymore.

00:00:08.220 But like before you have kids, like before you have kids, yeah, you can if you if what

00:00:12.800 if someone that's faithful is a priority to you and you don't have kids involved, yeah,

00:00:16.820 go get it.

00:00:17.860 There's plenty of guys that'll be faithful.

00:00:20.120 I know.

00:00:20.320 I know the man of fear says like all guys cheat, whatever.

00:00:22.260 But I know a lot of good dudes that won't cheat on you. 0.59

00:00:25.000 I think people say all men cheat because that's what they know.

00:00:28.520 Like all men in your life cheat.

00:00:30.860 But that doesn't mean that all men on the planet cheat.

00:00:34.180 And also in the media, we hear a lot more stories of guys who cheat than guys who don't.

00:00:40.360 So then we have this like distorted idea that all men cheat.

00:00:45.160 And then because that's what a woman believes, that's what she's going to attract. 0.99

00:00:51.080 One, two, three, four, five, six.

00:00:56.360 Left foot goes over the body.

00:00:58.520 I'm staying low, turning around. 0.99

00:01:02.340 And I'm going to go this way.

00:01:06.180 Wait, wait, wait, play it one more time.

00:01:08.660 Play it one more time.

00:01:10.360 Just so you know.

00:01:11.640 One, two, three, four, five, six.

00:01:15.720 Left foot goes over the body.

00:01:18.220 I'm staying low, turning around. 0.99

00:01:20.420 And I'm going to go this way.

00:01:23.700 I'm going to go this way.

00:01:24.240 I'm going to go this way.

00:01:27.200 Okay.

00:01:27.940 So my question is why do we have these classes coming up when we don't have finishing schools

00:01:36.200 coming up when most women can't cook? 1.00

00:01:38.060 So actually, you know what, that's more of a statement.

00:01:45.680 But I'm going to ask you, guys, would you send your girl to that?

00:01:50.580 Wow.

00:01:50.980 I'm not being funny. 0.99

00:01:55.400 But I've never had sex with a sack of potatoes. 0.99

00:01:59.180 So no, I'm not sending my girl to that. 0.96

00:02:02.140 What kind of clock?

00:02:05.680 It's the fact she had a count.

00:02:08.480 Like, why do you need a count?

00:02:11.100 That's my opening argument.

00:02:13.600 Why do you need a count?

00:02:14.900 Wow.

00:02:15.920 You sending your girl? 0.93

00:02:17.080 Probably not.

00:02:18.360 But I'd give them props for trying.

00:02:20.640 But it's a bit shocking to think they have to learn it.

00:02:25.800 Yo.

00:02:27.500 It's just a bit wild, isn't it?

00:02:29.340 Yeah.

00:02:30.220 It's just a bit wild.

00:02:31.500 Here's the thing, right?

00:02:34.380 It's the fact that, like, you've got an instructor telling you how to break your back out for your partner.

00:02:44.080 Here's the thing, right?

00:02:45.100 I wouldn't send my girl to it.

00:02:47.320 But if my girl was going to a class like that, I wouldn't have no complaints about it. 0.99

00:02:52.180 Got it.

00:02:54.060 Do you know what I mean?

00:02:55.280 I think it's more the modern woman.

00:02:58.660 There's that difference between a modern woman and women that was before, like, now. 1.00

00:03:05.740 And everything is social media.

00:03:07.840 Everything is in your face to say this is what you have to do.

00:03:11.280 And this is gospel.

00:03:12.300 Would I do it as a woman, as a 36-year-old woman?

00:03:17.080 Probably not. 1.00

00:03:18.180 Because I probably look like, you know, an idiot. 1.00

00:03:20.240 And I wouldn't want to embarrass myself. 0.99

00:03:22.320 But in order to do that, some people will look at it as, oh, I can make money to make sure I can let other women feel this is the way you're meant to be as a woman. 1.00

00:03:30.680 So, I also think it's a reflection of what we as women think is valuable to a man nowadays.

00:03:38.880 Like, we think that our value, a lot of it comes from sex and being attractive.

00:03:44.700 And that goes back to why this is happening, going viral and not finishing school.

00:03:49.500 Because we've got this perception that guys primarily like us or our only value to get a guy to commit comes from are we good in bed and are we attractive enough?

00:03:59.920 And how quick can you do it?

00:04:01.760 Yeah.

00:04:02.600 Yeah.

00:04:03.180 When, at least in my opinion, quality men don't value that as, don't value that as much as a girl who goes to, you know, finishing school and knows how to play the role of the feminine in a relationship.

00:04:16.100 Yeah.

00:04:16.340 Well, because to guys like that, like, there's a million girls that can do that.

00:04:20.820 Yeah.

00:04:21.340 Yeah.

00:04:21.940 Go ahead.

00:04:22.780 What's interesting to me is the number of people in the class.

00:04:26.400 Like, they've got some really good marketing going on there.

00:04:29.200 I will say that.

00:04:31.060 To add to your point, is that a Donny there?

00:04:33.720 Like, what is, is, I mean, that guy there, don't look, doesn't, he doesn't look like he should be in that class.

00:04:40.620 You know what I mean?

00:04:41.400 I don't, I don't know.

00:04:43.020 But do you think it's more embarrassing for the woman or the man?

00:04:45.960 Because you never know, can the man be feeling embarrassed in that video right now?

00:04:50.180 Because he hasn't said anything.

00:04:52.220 The guy.

00:04:53.420 He's lying down.

00:04:54.820 I think it's more embarrassing for the woman, but she doesn't know it. 0.99

00:04:57.840 Do you think, though?

00:04:59.600 Yeah.

00:05:00.240 Yeah.

00:05:00.520 Because I just think, like, that's trashy.

00:05:04.980 Like, yeah.

00:05:05.880 Yeah, that's what I'm saying. 0.88

00:05:06.920 I just think that's trashy.

00:05:08.140 And, like, if you want to have a family someday, like, that's going to be on the internet forever.

00:05:11.800 And so, even if you don't have kids now, if you want to have kids someday, like, that's your mom.

00:05:17.420 Like, do you, do you as a man, like, want that to be a girl? 0.94

00:05:20.540 But, for example, if that was a future husband that you found and he was beneath that woman, would you feel weight?

00:05:27.440 Like, um, how do I put it?

00:05:29.900 I mean, I wouldn't, do I want the guy I married to be under, like, no.

00:05:34.160 No, I don't.

00:05:35.700 But I don't think it holds the same weight because I just think men and women are different. 1.00

00:05:39.860 And so, like, to me, it's like, oh, I mean, he's probably young and just, you know, on wild shit. 0.86

00:05:44.520 But in relation to that argument, it's like, yo, you were under this beautiful woman, but at the same time, you were just there in a class in front of a whole bunch of people. 0.98

00:05:56.440 I would have a lot of questions.

00:06:00.140 I would be like, what was this class?

00:06:02.460 The question is, who's it for?

00:06:04.580 Who are the ladies doing it for? 1.00

00:06:05.980 Are they doing it for their husbands, their partners? 0.57

00:06:07.900 Are they doing it for fitness and aerobic?

00:06:10.320 Well, I don't think they're doing it for fitness and aerobics.

00:06:13.240 Even if it's what they tell themselves.

00:06:15.460 Like, people need this logical reason to, like, justify why they do things.

00:06:20.180 If they wanted to get fit, they would go to the gym, lift some weights, do some cardio.

00:06:24.260 It wouldn't be this.

00:06:25.160 So, I do think that they're doing this because they want to get better at sex.

00:06:29.620 Which, it's not a problem in itself.

00:06:32.160 Like, if you want to put in the effort to be better in bed for your man, then amazing.

00:06:36.900 But, it's more so, what does it show when women value this over working on their substance? 1.00

00:06:44.840 Do you think most women know how to keep a man outside of sex? 1.00

00:06:49.660 To some extent, no.

00:06:52.840 What do you guys think in your experience dating?

00:06:55.720 Absolutely not.

00:06:56.520 I was looking around the room, like, yeah, yeah, cool, cool.

00:07:05.120 But, no, not at all.

00:07:07.980 They haven't got the...

00:07:10.460 It's the competition that annoys me.

00:07:13.480 Because I feel like they're trying to compete with us.

00:07:15.740 Yeah.

00:07:16.260 Rather than join the team.

00:07:18.020 Right.

00:07:18.440 Do you know what I'm saying?

00:07:19.020 There's only one quarterback on the NFL team.

00:07:21.100 Right.

00:07:22.180 Do you know what I'm saying?

00:07:22.660 Do you think more women are trying to be like men, with the masculinity?

00:07:26.140 Yeah, 100%.

00:07:26.940 I think what Hannah said is really on the money, like, being of substance is really important

00:07:33.920 to high quality men.

00:07:35.580 And, a lot of women don't have that substance, but they have good looks, good physiques, etc. 1.00

00:07:41.580 But, what's beneath the layers?

00:07:43.340 Where's the substance behind it?

00:07:45.020 Because that's, in essence, what men look for, isn't it?

00:07:47.800 Yeah.

00:07:48.300 Yeah, yeah.

00:07:49.040 And, to bounce off your point, I feel like what men look for is that substance, but what

00:07:56.040 women come with is materialistic. 1.00

00:07:58.260 Right.

00:07:58.820 Do you know what I'm saying?

00:07:59.760 I want a man with a nice car, a nice house, a nice this, a nice that.

00:08:02.660 All of that, all of that.

00:08:03.720 You've got to earn six figures, all the money in a bank, the longest long since King Kong.

00:08:09.280 Right.

00:08:09.680 Do you know what I mean?

00:08:10.380 Where can you take me?

00:08:11.620 How much can you spend on me?

00:08:13.060 All of that.

00:08:13.320 But, if I walk up and be like, yo, I was a pastry chef and I know how to make every food

00:08:19.160 underneath the sun, that substance, in terms of its value, is worthless if I don't have

00:08:25.880 any financial money to back it up.

00:08:29.940 Do you know what I'm saying?

00:08:30.500 So, you're expecting, oh, you're a chef, so you should take me to Nobu or that meal for

00:08:37.400 a lot less I'm about to pay for it.

00:08:39.100 Right.

00:08:39.360 Do you know what I mean?

00:08:40.180 And you can do those things, but it's about having the woman having the substance to be 1.00

00:08:45.100 able to have that supported long term.

00:08:47.320 Because a lot of women will have good looks and they'll attract a high quality man that 1.00

00:08:52.260 they like and pay attention to, et cetera.

00:08:54.200 But the question is, can you sustain it?

00:08:56.040 And you can only sustain it if you have substance underneath of the good looks that you already

00:09:00.260 possess.

00:09:00.960 So, I'm curious, you said you're in a relationship or you're married?

00:09:04.780 Relationship, yeah.

00:09:05.520 What stood out about your girlfriend from the other girls you were seeing?

00:09:10.680 Yeah, great question.

00:09:12.260 Substance.

00:09:13.280 So, she had a lot of depth to conversation.

00:09:16.100 She had a lot of understanding.

00:09:17.480 She had a lot of, has a lot of patience.

00:09:20.940 And I think those qualities are extremely rare.

00:09:24.760 Extremely rare.

00:09:26.040 So, I also, I, so I was talking to my boyfriend about this and something that he said was when

00:09:33.700 we were first talking and like flirting, he said to me, if you couldn't use your, what's

00:09:40.600 between your legs and your hands, what would you use to keep me interested? 1.00

00:09:46.840 And I, I said my brain and he was like, oh, that's a great answer because most women would 1.00

00:09:52.880 say their mouth.

00:09:53.460 And that's a big reason why he said like, he continued to be interested in me because

00:09:59.060 we have that intellectually like stimulating conversations.

00:10:02.580 And when, like with a woman, it's not about being super academically smart. 1.00

00:10:08.460 Like you don't have to be a doctor or a lawyer.

00:10:10.520 It's more about having things going on for yourself and working on your personal growth.

00:10:15.060 That's where that intellectual element comes from.

00:10:18.180 Do men care if you work on your personal growth?

00:10:22.600 Yes.

00:10:22.960 Yeah.

00:10:23.640 Absolutely.

00:10:24.260 It's mandatory.

00:10:25.180 It's interesting.

00:10:25.840 Cause I hear so many guys, I just hear so many guys say, we don't care what you do.

00:10:29.780 Yeah.

00:10:30.140 It's not about, it's not about what you do, but it's who you're being.

00:10:33.100 Right.

00:10:33.380 So it's how you're behaving in various environments.

00:10:36.200 You asked me, you know, what stood out for me about my missus is that she gets on with

00:10:41.060 every person that she comes into contact with.

00:10:43.540 So for me, that was something.

00:10:45.440 Yeah.

00:10:45.840 So that's, that's those little cues that's, that stand out.

00:10:48.860 Do you know what I mean?

00:10:49.400 And a lot of people don't have that.

00:10:51.080 Did you care?

00:10:52.000 Um, would you, is there such thing as a girl that's too broke to date? 0.81

00:10:55.980 No.

00:10:56.560 No.

00:10:57.380 Financially or in different aspects?

00:11:00.720 Um, financially, like too broke to date.

00:11:03.940 Um, nothing to do with money at all.

00:11:06.520 No, cause I know, if you're watching, talk about you.

00:11:11.420 Um, yeah, I know a girl who is financially broke. 1.00

00:11:15.840 Um, but every time we link up to like, have a chat called good friends, known each other

00:11:20.820 for years and she's got me employment, um, out of our relationship.

00:11:25.120 But, um, yeah, she's always in a new relationship with the next man.

00:11:28.700 Um, recently got in a relationship five days in.

00:11:33.400 He's like, he's like, Oh, move in.

00:11:35.540 Yeah.

00:11:36.660 It's not the financial brokenness can sometimes interlink with if they're being, if they're

00:11:43.180 mentally broke.

00:11:43.780 Like if they've been financially broke for a long period of time and they don't have

00:11:47.400 mental stimulation and they don't have drive and they don't have ambition and they don't

00:11:51.460 have, uh, relational skills, et cetera, that's where it becomes a problem.

00:11:56.080 But if they have all of those skills, relational skills, et cetera, understanding patients and

00:12:00.060 so on, but they're financially broke, then men don't really care about that.

00:12:04.240 Do you know what's funny?

00:12:04.860 It's insane that I would say, um, she is what I would consider someone who is definitely

00:12:10.520 wipeable because she's all in her feminine energy. 1.00

00:12:13.140 But at the same time, she's very, um, masculine in it, in the sense of she will get shit done 0.99

00:12:19.380 when it needs to get done. 0.99

00:12:20.520 Sure.

00:12:21.120 I swear.

00:12:21.660 Um, yeah.

00:12:22.320 Why do you think there's so many women that are in their masculine energy nowadays? 1.00

00:12:27.440 It's, uh, I think more and more women have been told that in order for them to get credit,

00:12:33.060 they have to be super career driven.

00:12:35.660 They have to make loads of money.

00:12:37.620 They have to focus on achievement.

00:12:39.740 And so when women pursue that, they tend to be in their masculine energy a lot. 1.00

00:12:45.160 And being a stay at home wife or raising a family, it doesn't, it's not seen as, as valuable.

00:12:53.200 But I would argue and say, and to some point I agree with you, but argue and say like, if

00:12:59.300 women are, uh, single parents, um, and had to raise their children by themselves, they're 1.00

00:13:06.740 looked upon as masculine as well, but they're being at home, raising the family and to some

00:13:13.540 of thought of their, of their own or not of their own, like the, the father of their

00:13:18.400 children is not there, but they still have to raise the children, but they are willing

00:13:21.500 to be that housewife, et cetera. 1.00

00:13:24.060 Um, but they looked upon as being masculine because they're saying, well, you're a single

00:13:27.560 parent and you're a single parent for a reason.

00:13:29.500 So I feel sometimes as a female, regardless of what role we play, it's sometimes hard to

00:13:36.260 kind of say, all right, which way do we go?

00:13:38.220 Do we go down the feminine route or do we have to go down sometimes the masculine route? 0.72

00:13:42.040 It's going to be both though, like femininity and masculinity, it's all contextual and it's

00:13:47.620 not black and white.

00:13:48.620 So for me personally in business, I show up as pretty masculine, like, you know, the very

00:13:53.840 typical boss business, babe, whatever.

00:13:56.200 And then in my relationship, I'm the opposite.

00:13:58.820 And that's because I had to unlearn a lot of the social programming that told me that my

00:14:04.860 worth came from career success.

00:14:06.540 And I had to relearn like what men really want in a relationship, which is they want

00:14:12.740 a woman to make them feel appreciated, supported.

00:14:15.480 They want a woman to like bring out his masculine even more and play the feminine role. 0.55

00:14:20.540 They really look down on being the mother now.

00:14:24.120 If you just wanted to go home and you work maybe part time, if you can't afford to do it.

00:14:28.820 And then everyone just looks down on you on that.

00:14:32.580 That's a bad thing to do.

00:14:33.820 You've done that for a man, I find.

00:14:35.940 That's my friend, Ali, I was telling you guys before the show, she went viral for just

00:14:40.280 saying, yeah, my, um, my husband's my boss.

00:14:42.480 I work for him.

00:14:43.400 Yeah.

00:14:43.720 He makes the decision.

00:14:45.180 Yeah.

00:14:45.600 I was the one behind the camera.

00:14:48.060 Yeah.

00:14:48.980 Yeah.

00:14:49.760 That was my account.

00:14:51.580 That's crazy.

00:14:52.800 And like all the, all the comments were basically saying, how could you trust him?

00:14:56.660 Like, well, he could just leave you high and drive, but it's like everything you do has

00:15:00.100 risk.

00:15:01.400 Like there's risk in being a single parent.

00:15:03.540 There's like, you can get married.

00:15:04.800 You could get divorced.

00:15:05.960 Like life is risk.

00:15:07.560 I think what we're talking about here with what you said, Levine and what you said, Hannah

00:15:10.620 is about emotional intelligence.

00:15:11.980 So it's being able to switch on and switch off and apply yourself effectively in different

00:15:16.440 situations and scenarios, whether it's masculine and you're feminine.

00:15:19.800 Yeah.

00:15:20.240 Yeah.

00:15:20.540 And just understanding the two and then when to play which role accordingly.

00:15:24.440 Yeah.

00:15:24.880 And sometimes I feel men struggle with that as well.

00:15:29.820 Like you're absolutely right.

00:15:32.280 Men do want to feel like they are the man and they want to feel wanted and they want to

00:15:36.280 feel like their purpose in the relationship.

00:15:38.740 But sometimes there are some men, if they've never been shown that as a young person or a

00:15:44.820 child, they won't know how to do that as an adult.

00:15:47.540 And sometimes as a woman, we can be patient and like, I can show you that.

00:15:51.040 But if they're not willing to receive that love from, it's very hard.

00:15:56.260 Relationships are just a thing that are not a lot of people taught.

00:15:59.060 And because people don't do the self-development work on themselves, they expect something

00:16:03.200 else, somebody else outside of them to validate who they are and what they do.

00:16:06.640 Whereas they don't have that internal self-belief, that internal validation, which is, which

00:16:11.200 is important.

00:16:12.160 Yeah.

00:16:12.420 In saying that as well, I feel like, based on the solely of personal experience, right?

00:16:18.360 As a young man, I used to wear glasses, innit?

00:16:21.240 So throughout my whole secondary school year, I had glasses on.

00:16:26.360 So I didn't really have the confidence to be like, to approach women in that sort of way

00:16:31.300 and format.

00:16:31.840 Because, and then the moment I turned 19, got laser eye surgery, lost my glasses, hit

00:16:39.480 the gym, you know what I mean?

00:16:40.560 Did all these things I never used to do.

00:16:43.400 And then I realised, I was like, yo, I'm kind of, I'm kind of a spice right now.

00:16:48.100 I'm kind of good.

00:16:49.760 Do you know what I'm saying?

00:16:50.160 And then I went to uni and then I lost my virginity when I was at uni.

00:16:54.380 And then that just opened up a whole new doors of experience that I didn't experience before.

00:16:58.860 So, when it comes to the younger men coming up nowadays, I feel like, yeah, they have

00:17:04.300 no, because they have no guidance.

00:17:06.860 Do you know what I mean?

00:17:07.520 They have no one to say.

00:17:08.760 Well, how are they supposed to be taught about women if like, I want to say, aren't half 1.00

00:17:13.000 of people raised by single mothers or like a third?

00:17:15.420 It's really high.

00:17:16.240 That was, I was going to get to that point.

00:17:18.360 I am raised by a single mother.

00:17:20.440 When it came to asking my dad about for stuff like, hey, dad, you know what I mean?

00:17:26.000 How does it do to, you know, do certain sexual activities with a woman?

00:17:31.560 Do you know what I mean?

00:17:32.000 He wasn't around.

00:17:33.760 I'll say it, I'll say it, no problem.

00:17:36.220 I said it on my channel.

00:17:37.480 I'm saying it on Pearl's channel.

00:17:38.840 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:17:39.220 I was thinking, sorry.

00:17:41.280 No, go on.

00:17:41.760 Well, women have been encouraged to go off and be independent on their own. 0.91

00:17:46.960 And if their meaning was to, you know, find a husband, have children, look after children,

00:17:53.440 and then men were to get a job, find a wife, and then provide for them. 0.74

00:17:58.320 And the women have gone off.

00:17:59.460 The men have nothing now to look.

00:18:02.220 There's no wives around. 1.00

00:18:04.360 So they're just completely lost.

00:18:05.900 What percent of women would you say want to be wives? 1.00

00:18:09.280 And what percent of women would you say are wives? 1.00

00:18:11.460 I want to hear from the men.

00:18:13.420 And your experience with dating.

00:18:14.980 John, you started off.

00:18:18.400 Carry on with the conversation.

00:18:19.800 That's you right there.

00:18:21.180 I'm choosing to go last.

00:18:23.060 I'm choosing to go last.

00:18:24.560 I bet a lot lie to themselves.

00:18:27.500 So I bet it's higher than they think.

00:18:31.040 So I'm going to say about 80% want to be wives. 0.67

00:18:33.720 Yeah.

00:18:34.920 I think 30%.

00:18:35.900 You'd say 30% are wives. 1.00

00:18:37.720 Yeah.

00:18:38.400 Okay.

00:18:39.060 Yeah, I think I would agree a lot with that.

00:18:41.940 I think a lot of women want to be wives, but they don't have the substance or the skills 1.00

00:18:45.500 to actually support the lifestyle of the person that they would ideally like to be with.

00:18:51.760 So then they end up with somebody that is not fully compatible with, and they go,

00:18:56.460 oh, my relationship's all right.

00:18:57.760 It will last.

00:18:58.860 And we have our ups and downs, and they have those sorts of tumultuous relationships that

00:19:03.000 don't really work out long term.

00:19:05.220 But most women don't have the skill sets to be wives to the men that they aspire to be with. 1.00

00:19:12.180 And what skills would you say those are?

00:19:16.640 Patience, communication.

00:19:18.060 I think communication is one of the most powerful ones because a lot of women have, in my experience 1.00

00:19:25.200 at least, have a lot of self-doubt, and they don't know how to be supportive to somebody

00:19:31.220 else.

00:19:31.560 They don't know how to communicate powerfully with somebody else in a way that helps their

00:19:36.680 relationship to grow, helps their relationship to flourish, and helps their relationship to

00:19:40.180 be really effective.

00:19:42.340 Do you think women have self-doubt? 0.98

00:19:44.160 Because I find them to be more narcissistic than ever.

00:19:46.440 Yeah, is it a fake narcissistic, though?

00:19:50.360 Because it's like an external narcissism, but an internal, I don't feel good about this.

00:19:54.260 I don't feel I'm worth it.

00:19:56.040 No.

00:19:56.920 I feel like that.

00:19:59.800 I'll just, like, even at Carnival, I was asking, like, rate yourself one to ten, and they would

00:20:04.020 say ten.

00:20:04.640 I'm like, oh, God, again.

00:20:05.860 Okay.

00:20:06.200 And then I'd ask, I'd say, well, aren't you perfect?

00:20:08.660 Doesn't that mean you're perfect?

00:20:09.540 She's like, well, I'm not perfect, but I am.

00:20:11.120 And then they'd say, special.

00:20:12.520 But isn't it kind of narcissistic to think you're special?

00:20:14.840 Yeah.

00:20:16.160 Everyone thinks they're special.

00:20:17.800 Like, it's been proven in psychology that everyone thinks they're above average.

00:20:22.000 Yeah.

00:20:22.420 I think they like to fib a lot, to not hurt everyone's feelings.

00:20:25.760 So, I was single for six years, nothing.

00:20:29.620 And then this year, I've just started getting back into the dating game.

00:20:33.420 But the ones who did text back all said the same thing.

00:20:36.520 I would happily be your friend.

00:20:37.820 We never talked again.

00:20:38.920 So, why say we're not going to be friends?

00:20:41.320 We know we're not going to be friends.

00:20:44.000 That bandwagon, and to say, Hannah, you say everyone thinks they're above average.

00:20:48.700 When I rate myself, I fully give myself a five.

00:20:53.160 Because I don't feel like I'm better than anyone.

00:20:55.640 And I don't feel like anyone should be better than me.

00:20:58.120 Probably a four.

00:20:59.460 So, a four, yeah?

00:21:00.480 Are you rating yourself a four?

00:21:01.960 You're saying, no, you're definitely more than a four, bro.

00:21:04.380 Also, like, when it comes to rating, what criteria are we using?

00:21:09.740 Like, are we using a scale of one to ten in terms of how good we are as a partner or how

00:21:14.760 attractive we are?

00:21:15.780 What's the rating?

00:21:16.540 I'm always talking about looks.

00:21:18.940 Okay.

00:21:19.380 So, I'm always just talking about looks.

00:21:21.160 Yeah.

00:21:21.660 So, I would still rate myself a five.

00:21:24.040 Because, hear what?

00:21:24.880 Cool, I got high, but I'm scrawny in comparison to most people I interact with, right?

00:21:34.280 Again, I haven't even got a full beard.

00:21:37.520 Do you know what I mean?

00:21:38.040 My beard don't connect.

00:21:39.340 So, if I'm ready, I'm out of the market.

00:21:42.100 So, I don't actually think you answered what percent of women do you think are wives?

00:21:47.200 What percent want to be wives and what percent are? 1.00

00:21:49.540 And then I'm going to let the girls answer.

00:21:50.780 Yeah, I didn't answer that.

00:21:51.940 I think 100% of women want to be wives with contingencies. 1.00

00:21:55.640 100%.

00:21:56.340 You think the girls in those videos want to be wives? 1.00

00:21:58.800 Yeah.

00:21:59.620 Oh, God.

00:21:59.980 With the contingencies in the sense of, you've won me 10 grand a month.

00:22:05.720 You know what I mean?

00:22:06.640 Yeah.

00:22:07.140 A Birkin bag every Christmas.

00:22:08.500 But that's not a real wife, right? 1.00

00:22:10.400 So, like, what percent of women actually want to be wives? 1.00

00:22:13.540 You know what I'm saying?

00:22:14.160 Like, actually want to be a wife with what it comes with. 0.99

00:22:16.720 In a traditional sense?

00:22:18.820 I would say be what men want.

00:22:20.940 Oof.

00:22:22.120 Oof.

00:22:23.440 What was it?

00:22:24.120 I think I heard, like, what did you say, John?

00:22:26.460 I think I said, it's James, by the way.

00:22:28.600 Sorry, sorry, sorry.

00:22:29.560 I do apologize.

00:22:30.240 That's right.

00:22:30.820 I said 70, I think.

00:22:32.580 70.

00:22:33.040 Or 80.

00:22:33.560 And then 30, actually, man.

00:22:34.800 And then Josh.

00:22:35.400 I would say 81.

00:22:36.480 80.

00:22:36.780 And less than 10%.

00:22:37.840 Yeah, I'm going with 25.

00:22:40.500 25%.

00:22:41.020 1 in 4.

00:22:41.780 1 in 4 are wives? 1.00

00:22:43.120 1 in 4 are wives.

00:22:44.300 And what percent want to be?

00:22:46.340 The rest.

00:22:47.360 Oh, you think all girls want to be? 1.00

00:22:48.720 I don't think all girls want to be wives. 1.00

00:22:50.100 I feel like they want to have- 1.00

00:22:50.880 I just, I can't, you can't be doing this shit and want to be a wife. 1.00

00:22:53.800 I just. 1.00

00:22:55.900 Yeah, 100%.

00:22:57.060 It is just like,

00:22:58.200 like, and you look at girls' Instagrams and like,

00:23:01.560 the way it's, you can't say.

00:23:04.480 But at the same time, I'm still sticking in like,

00:23:07.600 here's the fence, right?

00:23:08.760 Right, okay, okay.

00:23:09.480 I'm hopeful.

00:23:11.760 You know what I'm saying?

00:23:12.840 Like, here's the fence.

00:23:14.480 We already know OnlyFans.

00:23:15.940 We already made how many billion for women. 1.00

00:23:19.360 But I'm still like, I'm getting closer to the fence.

00:23:23.580 But I'm still on, I'm still off the fence.

00:23:26.420 I'm hopeful.

00:23:28.080 I mean, I've been growing up on Christian values.

00:23:30.780 So.

00:23:31.040 Yeah.

00:23:31.420 What about you guys?

00:23:32.340 What do you think?

00:23:32.820 Like, so just to be clear, are you asking what percentage of women like want to be wives 1.00

00:23:37.140 in the sense that they want to be stay at home full time?

00:23:40.100 Not necessarily stay at home.

00:23:42.480 Like, they want to be a man's helpmate. 0.67

00:23:44.480 I would say that's the best way to put it.

00:23:46.100 I make money, you help me make money.

00:23:47.800 Yeah.

00:23:48.480 And so whether, like, some girls are wives in the fact they're more like executive assistant 1.00

00:23:53.180 type wives. 1.00

00:23:54.260 Okay.

00:23:54.760 Some girls are wives in the fact, you know, they're stay at home mom type wives. 1.00

00:23:58.600 Like, it's not a one.

00:23:59.960 Some do the, you know, like, they both get a job, you know, and just, but the key is that

00:24:06.260 they're submitting to the man.

00:24:07.900 Oh, I think around 40, 40% of women want that or actively know they want that because 0.64

00:24:15.600 most women think that submission is a bad thing. 1.00

00:24:18.820 They think that they, they, they want to be empowered and they think that submission means

00:24:23.540 being a man's slave. 0.90

00:24:25.140 So I think only 40% of women have that awareness to realize that like, it's not a bad thing. 1.00

00:24:31.540 And to the second percentage, I would say 10%.

00:24:34.780 Actually our wives. 0.98

00:24:36.240 Yeah.

00:24:37.040 And why do you say that?

00:24:38.480 Why is it so little?

00:24:39.600 Because nowadays, most women, like a, most women have this, oh, I'm a strong independent 0.99

00:24:48.340 woman vibe where they tell themselves they don't even want a relationship in the first 0.98

00:24:52.860 place, or they want to focus on their careers of the women who want to be in relationships. 0.99

00:24:58.140 They still think that submission or femininity is backwards or a bad thing.

00:25:03.040 So I think only 10% of women actively want that. 0.99

00:25:07.000 And they have that, yeah.

00:25:09.060 It seems quite London centric as well.

00:25:11.460 Like women that, that want to be the boss, they want to be the leader, they want to be 1.00

00:25:16.340 more career driven, et cetera, and less sort of alluding to wanting to be wives are like

00:25:21.740 London has that in abundance, whereas more like outside the countryside, it's a little

00:25:26.420 bit different.

00:25:27.600 Yeah.

00:25:28.060 What do you think?

00:25:29.540 I would say about 25% are probably married.

00:25:33.740 I would say about 45% are wanting to be married, but not in that status.

00:25:42.260 And the rest are not interested of being married simply because that divide between being the

00:25:50.520 wife and being maybe the side chick. 1.00

00:25:52.480 And some women probably prefer to be the side chick because they feel like, well, I can 1.00

00:26:00.940 just have the fun bit.

00:26:02.180 I don't have to do all the other bits that come into a relationship.

00:26:05.580 And it's not because they devalue themselves, but they feel like maybe some insecurities in

00:26:12.660 themselves where they feel that they are not enough to be a wife.

00:26:15.220 So they'll settle for second best when they feel like I can still have the man I want

00:26:20.140 in my kind of head, but just have it on that kind of tip.

00:26:24.680 Do you think women want that long term? 1.00

00:26:26.720 What?

00:26:27.180 Being a side chick?

00:26:27.980 Yeah.

00:26:29.500 Reality, it wouldn't happen in their head.

00:26:32.000 They think it would happen for some of them, which is a harsh truth, but it's the reality

00:26:37.660 for some women. 1.00

00:26:38.820 And I think because of maybe ongoing heartbreaks or putting their heart and soul into someone

00:26:46.160 that they thought they could trust and build and just constantly being put down or putting

00:26:51.380 themselves down, they just think, you know, it is what it is.

00:26:55.960 And that's how some women have come in reality in society. 1.00

00:27:01.900 Do you guys think we'll ever see the pendulum swing back where instead of sex schools, we'll

00:27:07.000 start to see finishing schools come back?

00:27:09.820 I don't think so.

00:27:11.120 We need to see finishing schools come back.

00:27:14.080 I did the bouquet of flowers real quick.

00:27:16.660 We're starting wife school on a second channel. 0.99

00:27:19.020 Shout out.

00:27:20.460 Anyway, you don't think so.

00:27:21.880 Why?

00:27:23.120 The way society is moving, it's making, if we look at the trend, more and more men are 1.00

00:27:29.780 being feminized in the sense that they're encouraged to talk about their emotions freely and they're

00:27:36.940 encouraged to cross-dress and wear pink and try different clothes and women more and more

00:27:42.200 are encouraged to excel in their careers.

00:27:46.880 Can I add to that point real quick, right?

00:27:49.700 As a test to that theory, I text one of my good friends, female friends, right? 0.99

00:27:54.640 To be fair, it was an experiment and it was an actual call for help, right?

00:28:02.380 Because I was like, I just lost one of my greatest grand aunties, one of my best aunties, but it's

00:28:09.380 technically grand auntie, however you work the family system, right? 1.00

00:28:12.480 She passed away and I hit her up like, hey, listen, I need to just cry for a minute, have

00:28:22.680 female company and that's about it. 1.00

00:28:26.280 Not in a sense, not in a sexual sense, but in a sense of I can't cry to my mom because

00:28:30.580 she's also crying about her auntie.

00:28:32.960 Do you know what I mean?

00:28:33.560 But I needed to have the excursion.

00:28:38.440 And this was like a girl you were seeing?

00:28:40.300 No, no, no.

00:28:40.800 This was just a female friend. 0.95

00:28:42.200 Oh, okay.

00:28:42.840 Well, I wouldn't do it until a girl I was seeing. 0.99

00:28:44.540 That would just ruin the whole relationship.

00:28:47.280 But don't consider that as toxic masculinity.

00:28:50.500 It's not, okay?

00:28:52.680 But at the same time, in the back of my head, it was a social experiment because I kind of

00:28:57.340 knew she wasn't going to hit me up and be like, yeah, come around, cry for a little 0.99

00:29:02.240 bit and then we'll smoke up and then all blessings.

00:29:07.420 You know what I mean?

00:29:08.060 Like, it kind of hit me and I was like, this is maybe, have I grown up wrong in the sense

00:29:14.400 of I as a man, I'm not supposed to show emotion or women are supposed to receive the emotion 0.67

00:29:20.300 that I'm feeling.

00:29:21.380 But this is the issue.

00:29:22.980 People feel that because you're a man, you can't show your emotions.

00:29:27.080 That's why there's a lot of people that do suffer with MH right now because they're

00:29:32.160 not able to express or they're not being taught to express because especially emotions

00:29:37.220 shouldn't be looked upon as a weakness.

00:29:39.840 But the thing is, like, women aren't meant to handle men's emotions.

00:29:43.320 Women are not meant to, but you can be, you can teach yourself to. 1.00

00:29:48.500 You're kind of going against nature though.

00:29:50.280 And that's what's confusing to men.

00:29:52.360 Like, there's study after study after study that's going to tell you that women lose 1.00

00:29:56.900 respect.

00:29:57.380 It's not fun.

00:29:57.980 This isn't, like, a fun part of female nature, but they lose respect for men after we've seen 1.00

00:30:02.240 them cry.

00:30:02.820 And a lot of girls will say they haven't looked at the guy the same.

00:30:05.860 And, like, you know, I could be, like, dishonest and come and say, oh, yeah, like, it's perfectly

00:30:11.600 okay to express your emotions, but it's just not.

00:30:14.340 Like, for a man to express his emotions to, I'm not saying, like, you can't ever show any,

00:30:20.320 but, like, if you want to cry in front of your girl, is that a good bet?

00:30:23.480 Not in general.

00:30:24.460 So, would you look at a man differently if a man cries in front of you?

00:30:29.180 I would say my dad is one of the people that I respect more than anyone in the world.

00:30:33.400 Like, I listen to, like, pretty much whatever he tells me most of the time.

00:30:38.760 But, and I would say one of the reasons I respect him is he's just always been very in

00:30:44.380 control of his emotions.

00:30:45.560 I can count, I've seen my dad cry maybe once at his mom's, when his mom died, and that's

00:30:51.480 it, and I just think, like, that level of respect wouldn't happen if he was crying once

00:30:56.660 a month, twice a year.

00:30:58.100 Like, it just wouldn't be the same.

00:30:59.860 Right?

00:31:00.260 There is exceptions to when they're allowed to cry.

00:31:03.320 Yeah.

00:31:03.500 They don't have to be stone cold all the time.

00:31:05.520 Yeah.

00:31:06.160 Yeah.

00:31:06.460 But it's, like, I just think as a girl, you trust men more when they're in control of their

00:31:11.060 emotions.

00:31:11.480 Because if I feel like I'm more, like, you're more emotional than me, it's, like, it's a

00:31:18.100 tough, like, to trust your judgment.

00:31:21.280 No, I agree with that.

00:31:22.460 And I'm not saying a man should cry every month.

00:31:25.520 Same way a woman shouldn't cry every month if there's nothing to cry about. 0.77

00:31:29.820 But the way I look at it with your emotions, like, if something severe happens, some men do

00:31:35.720 believe I'm not going to share a tent.

00:31:37.340 And to me, it's, like, but why not?

00:31:41.380 Because you're still human at the end of the day.

00:31:43.060 You're not made out still.

00:31:44.180 Yeah.

00:31:44.480 Well, I think the problem, though, is it's very confusing to men because we don't even

00:31:48.080 know where the line is.

00:31:50.260 What, women? 1.00

00:31:50.980 Yeah, women in general. 1.00

00:31:52.040 Like, you don't know exactly, like, this is the line where I start to lose respect for

00:31:55.280 you.

00:31:55.420 I couldn't tell you.

00:31:56.780 I couldn't tell you at what point, like, this is, like, I don't think, I don't, if

00:32:00.740 a dude, like, lost his mother, am I going to, you know, judge him for crying?

00:32:04.420 No.

00:32:04.700 No, but I don't know what point you, but I know there's a point.

00:32:10.360 It's about being able to control your emotions without suppressing them, isn't it?

00:32:14.640 What?

00:32:15.140 So it's like, okay, I'm feeling, I'm feeling this way because of X and these are the things

00:32:19.580 that I can do to solve it rather than, oh, I'm feeling this way, so I'm just going to

00:32:23.680 cry. 0.75

00:32:24.080 Do you know what I mean?

00:32:24.560 It's like having a solution-oriented mindset is what men want and what women also look

00:32:31.460 for in a man as well, is being able to lead, being able to be decisive, being able to.

00:32:35.900 So you, yeah.

00:32:36.900 So it's just to add on to your point, hence, that's, hence why I didn't go to like a family

00:32:42.900 member or like someone, someone who was also sharing the same emotion I was, because at

00:32:49.220 the same time, like people who are going to watch this later one would be like, yo, that's

00:32:54.720 the backbone, that's the backbone of the family right there.

00:32:57.840 So for me to show emotion and to cry, I better be all the way in flipping Norway. 0.99

00:33:04.800 Yeah.

00:33:05.060 I don't think it's a fun part of female nature. 1.00

00:33:08.100 Like, I don't think this is a very flattering part of ourselves, but it just, you know, it

00:33:11.900 just kind of is.

00:33:13.280 And I, and I'm from a, my, my family, all the head of the family are female.

00:33:19.060 I'm the oldest boy.

00:33:22.200 So.

00:33:22.600 Do you feel like the family, like looks up to you to lead?

00:33:25.820 Would you say?

00:33:26.540 Sometimes.

00:33:27.020 Yeah.

00:33:28.480 If not nine times out of 10, if there's a family barbecue, I'm the, I'm the chef.

00:33:33.760 So you're grilling.

00:33:35.140 Do you know what I'm saying?

00:33:35.940 Comes to Christmas, Ash, run, do this X, Y, Z, one, two, and three.

00:33:41.440 Yeah. 0.99

00:33:41.680 I'm getting it done because that's what it's expected of a man to get shit done. 0.97

00:33:45.640 It's leadership. 0.98

00:33:47.180 That's my point.

00:33:48.140 You know what I mean?

00:33:48.540 So when it comes to family, yeah, I am the head of my house.

00:33:52.600 Even, even if the, even if I am the uncle of my nephew's children, you can call me granddad.

00:34:01.600 It's all good because I've been granddad for miles 14 because of my personality and nature

00:34:07.140 and the fact that I wore glasses.

00:34:08.800 Do you know what I mean?

00:34:11.260 Hannah, so you mentioned you talk about submission on your TikTok account.

00:34:16.140 What is the general response you get?

00:34:18.140 Women hate it. 1.00

00:34:22.820 They'll say something like, this is misogyny or standing what submission is in the context

00:34:29.760 of a healthy relationship.

00:34:30.940 They, they think submission and they think, oh, being a slave or lowering yourself for

00:34:36.860 a man or being at his beck and call or having no opinions.

00:34:41.140 When submission in a relationship isn't about that at all.

00:34:44.740 It really means that you're just trusting a man's leadership and that you respect him

00:34:49.020 to the point where even when you have disagreements, you're not nagging, you're not shouting at him,

00:34:53.640 you're not emasculating him.

00:34:55.500 So when women understand that and the word in itself submissive, it's so, it triggers people.

00:35:03.300 So I know you said, um, you mentioned deep program, you had to deprogram a lot of that stuff.

00:35:08.640 What was like the turning point for you?

00:35:11.100 When I, the turning point for me was when I built my own business, I scaled it very successfully.

00:35:17.120 And because I got so much praise for it, I kept thinking, okay, my value to a man comes

00:35:22.940 from how much money I make, the more money I make, the more they're going to see me as

00:35:26.860 different from the other women.

00:35:28.380 So the turning point for me was when I looked at my history of dates and thought to myself,

00:35:34.680 why is it that no men like me?

00:35:37.180 What if it's not the man's fault?

00:35:39.040 What if it's my fault?

00:35:40.300 So then I started reading books on dating and books on men so I could understand men and

00:35:46.960 women. 0.81

00:35:47.540 And the common theme that kept coming up was that masculine men don't like masculine women.

00:35:52.940 They like women, a woman who's in touch with a feminine and a woman who's open to receiving.

00:35:57.320 So then I started making those changes in myself.

00:36:00.060 And that's when I actually got a boyfriend.

00:36:03.280 That's really powerful because most women don't do that. 1.00

00:36:06.180 They don't do that self-reflection.

00:36:07.620 They don't read.

00:36:08.160 Most people don't read the books about relationships, but most people want a healthy, successful

00:36:12.680 relationship, but they never research or read books on healthy, successful relationships.

00:36:17.000 And most women want a, they want a man that is, that is able to lead. 1.00

00:36:23.320 They want a masculine man, but then if they're not going to be submissive to somebody who's 1.00

00:36:27.080 leading, then it doesn't actually make sense if they're not going to be submissive.

00:36:29.960 So if you're like, if a woman is like, okay, well, I don't want to be submissive. 0.77

00:36:33.140 Well, then what you're saying is you want a, a man that is equal or below you. 0.95

00:36:36.740 But then they'll go, no, no, no, no, no.

00:36:38.740 But I need a man that makes six figures, but you don't make six figures.

00:36:41.540 This doesn't actually make sense.

00:36:43.660 Yeah.

00:36:43.960 Not to mention submission is a very beneficial thing for the woman too. 1.00

00:36:49.060 If you're super career driven, if you're making a ton of decisions, if you have to lead

00:36:53.720 a team in your business, don't you want to relax when you're outside of business and

00:36:58.180 let a man handle things?

00:37:00.680 I also think like to add onto what you said, people suck at taking accountability.

00:37:05.620 We always ask ourselves like on my TikTok.

00:37:09.540 So I post like dating stuff for women. 0.98

00:37:11.960 A lot of women will comment saying, Oh, where do you find your boyfriend? 1.00

00:37:16.780 Where can I find these men? 0.99

00:37:18.180 All men are trash, but no woman saying, what do I need to do in order to become, in order 1.00

00:37:23.820 to attract a better quality man? 1.00

00:37:26.500 It's like a submissive, submissive.

00:37:29.700 There's only one person can drive a car at a time.

00:37:32.060 So you can't grab the wheel off of them.

00:37:33.880 So people find it a weird word to use, but only one person can be in control.

00:37:40.260 What do you say to women that say they want an equal partnership? 1.00

00:37:44.100 Then you have to deal with the fact you're not going to get the traditional benefits of

00:37:49.220 a man.

00:37:49.580 Like he, he's going to want to split the bill.

00:37:52.960 He's going to, like, it's true, right?

00:37:59.460 Like he's, if you want to be equals with a man, then you're not, don't expect the benefits

00:38:05.860 that a masculine provider man is going to give you.

00:38:08.560 You can't have something without giving something else back.

00:38:13.040 Do you know, to add to your point, right?

00:38:15.320 Now, I just had a little brainwave, but I was like, yo, I can technically build a house,

00:38:20.840 but I don't earn six figures a month or six figures a year.

00:38:25.940 Not even close.

00:38:26.980 It's the type of women that goes for the six figures, men. 1.00

00:38:32.700 It's not every woman that has that mentality of like, I need to have a man that has six 1.00

00:38:37.300 figures.

00:38:37.820 You can get a man that has six figures and maybe can't even construct a sentence together.

00:38:41.640 I mean, I think that's what women say, but then you watch who they date and it's a different 0.93

00:38:45.100 story.

00:38:45.740 I've seen a lot of girls come on my show and they'll like say something that sounds nice. 1.00

00:38:49.980 And then after I'll look at their dating history and maybe he's not rich, but he sure as hell

00:38:54.080 is quite handsome and like top 10, 20%.

00:38:57.140 And so maybe it's not rich, but like, yeah.

00:39:02.420 I mean, not to disclose any information or that's any too sus about me, but up until like

00:39:10.840 a year and a half ago, I didn't have a bed.

00:39:14.780 But yeah, I was still engaging with sexual activities with women. 1.00

00:39:19.980 To the point where they were like, you should get a bed.

00:39:21.760 I'm like, yeah, I will.

00:39:23.200 I will get a bed.

00:39:24.580 Not right now.

00:39:25.620 I don't need one.

00:39:26.700 I'm not in a relationship.

00:39:28.080 It wasn't until I got into a full on relationship where I was like, yo, I can marry you tomorrow

00:39:34.260 and not feel no type of way about it.

00:39:36.800 I don't care what my family say.

00:39:38.400 I don't care what they got to say.

00:39:40.340 I'm in love with you and you are in terms of the roles of the relationship.

00:39:46.440 Like she was willing to learn.

00:39:49.280 I was willing to learn and she was feminine and I was masculine.

00:39:54.700 Yeah.

00:39:55.160 You know what I'm saying?

00:39:55.900 Like, for example, we, I would finish a hard day at work.

00:39:59.440 She would finish a hard day at work.

00:40:01.300 My house or your house?

00:40:02.580 Your house.

00:40:03.040 Okay, cool.

00:40:04.140 Yeah.

00:40:04.260 I get around there.

00:40:05.440 Food's cooked.

00:40:06.940 My favorite lemon drizzle cake, whatever.

00:40:09.940 And then, you know what I mean?

00:40:11.600 It was, it was feminine. 0.86

00:40:12.620 And then she come to mind, I do the same thing.

00:40:14.960 Because that was our roles in the relationship.

00:40:17.280 In a sense of, we don't live together.

00:40:19.400 But in this, but if, if I'm coming to your abode, you cater for me.

00:40:23.860 Yeah.

00:40:24.260 Do you know what I mean?

00:40:25.820 So, in that sense, I was like, yeah, life is good.

00:40:30.080 Why don't I need a bed for?

00:40:32.060 And that mattress on the floor is good.

00:40:33.420 That bed soon came, though, and that woman came to the room. 1.00

00:40:38.220 She said one line.

00:40:41.140 I said, okay, cool.

00:40:42.500 Next day, I'm on eBay looking for beds.

00:40:46.720 You see, that goes back to what I was saying earlier, right?

00:40:50.180 About communication skills.

00:40:51.840 Yeah.

00:40:52.140 You see, some, a lot of women would communicate things in an aggressive way, 1.00

00:40:56.840 which doesn't cater to, for want of a better word, the male ego.

00:41:01.620 So, therefore, they're not going to get them.

00:41:02.760 Whereas, if she says it in a certain way or asks a certain question,

00:41:05.600 rather than makes a statement, then it becomes like, okay,

00:41:08.340 I want to do this for myself and for us,

00:41:10.760 rather than I'm being forced to do it by somebody else.

00:41:13.500 Jazz, all she said is, babe, you need a bed.

00:41:17.340 That's it.

00:41:19.100 That communication thing.

00:41:20.700 I don't think a lot of people are very honest in relationships anymore.

00:41:24.580 So, I was dating this girl a few, for about three weeks.

00:41:29.960 I was seeing her on the weekend before she moved away.

00:41:32.760 And for the first two weeks, she mentioned, she said the words, no, I don't want to have sex.

00:41:38.320 She said, is it okay for me not to have sex?

00:41:40.520 And the second one, she said, is it all right for us to never have sex?

00:41:44.260 And I said, what, never?

00:41:45.500 That's a long time.

00:41:46.680 I joked about it.

00:41:47.620 And then the third week, we were more intimate than I thought, but we didn't have sex.

00:41:51.860 And I kept talking to her.

00:41:54.000 And eventually, I had a conversation with her saying, like,

00:41:56.400 what would you have improved of me if I could find something out?

00:41:59.460 And she said, I never made a move.

00:42:02.300 And she doesn't remember saying, no, I didn't want to have sex.

00:42:08.260 I think she was just playing games.

00:42:09.860 I think she's mad.

00:42:10.940 Yeah, that sounds like a player.

00:42:15.380 You're playing checkers, you're playing checkers.

00:42:18.440 I'm going to take a second and read Super Chats.

00:42:21.380 So, guys, all Super Chats are going towards updates in the studio.

00:42:26.160 Blessing, what, you want another camera, right?

00:42:29.840 Two?

00:42:31.300 All right, Blessing wants two more cameras.

00:42:35.580 It's just wilding out, I guess.

00:42:38.040 He's trying to stretch the budget.

00:42:41.540 He's been stretching the budget.

00:42:44.220 He has been stretching the budget.

00:42:46.100 Trying to get that pay rise.

00:42:48.400 So, I think we're going to react to the second clip.

00:42:52.360 This is from Hannah's TikTok.

00:42:56.380 It was funny.

00:42:58.760 Hannah came on my show, like, last week.

00:43:00.800 And then I was scrolling on TikTok.

00:43:02.140 And I was like, oh, my gosh, this girl is on my show.

00:43:04.960 The algorithm knows.

00:43:06.380 Yeah.

00:43:06.580 Not a baby, by the way.

00:43:16.760 Oh, I think the sound might be off.

00:43:18.860 I think Jess might have turned it off earlier. 0.97

00:43:21.560 When I have lived in this apartment for two years before him.

00:43:24.440 And I paid 100% for myself.

00:43:26.080 We believe it's going to be the provider of the relationship.

00:43:28.620 Who pays for the dates?

00:43:30.120 He does 100%.

00:43:31.340 Who manages the housework? 0.98

00:43:32.940 Cooking, cleaning, making the house look pretty.

00:43:35.500 So, that's almost all on me.

00:43:37.700 With cleaning, we outsource it to a cleaner. 0.94

00:43:39.880 And also laundry as well.

00:43:40.260 Can you pull it from the beginning, plus?

00:43:41.540 With cooking, I cook a lot of the time.

00:43:43.420 Or we just order.

00:43:44.620 Yeah, there you go.

00:43:45.260 My boyfriend and I practice polarization in our relationships.

00:43:48.000 Which means that instead of going 50-50 on everything, we go 100-100 on our respective roles.

00:43:53.820 Talk about who works and who brings in money.

00:43:55.620 We both run our own businesses.

00:43:57.340 So, we both make money.

00:43:58.520 That said, we mainly spend his money.

00:44:00.580 So, I have his bank attached to my Apple Pay.

00:44:03.520 And we just have separate bank accounts.

00:44:05.040 And let's talk about rent and bills.

00:44:06.600 He pays 100% of the rent and the bills.

00:44:08.660 Before anyone calls me like a gold digger or says that I'm dependent on him.

00:44:11.980 I have lived in this apartment for two years before him.

00:44:14.480 And I've paid 100% for myself.

00:44:15.980 We believe in the man being the provider of the relationship.

00:44:18.900 Who pays for the dates?

00:44:20.140 He does 100%.

00:44:21.360 Who manages the housework? 0.98

00:44:22.960 Cooking, cleaning, making the house look pretty.

00:44:25.520 So, that's almost all on me.

00:44:27.780 With cleaning, we outsource it to a cleaner. 0.94

00:44:29.820 And also laundry as well.

00:44:31.360 But with cooking, I cook a lot of the time.

00:44:35.860 I don't keep going.

00:44:36.920 Then our manager, I choose it.

00:44:39.060 But we use his credit card.

00:44:40.320 In terms of who plan things, I would say it's more like 60-40 or 70-30.

00:44:44.400 Where he plans things most of the time.

00:44:46.520 But whenever he doesn't want to or he actively wants me to do it.

00:44:50.000 Then he'll tell me to plan it.

00:44:51.520 Or if there's just something that I really want to do.

00:44:53.800 Or I feel like planning it.

00:44:54.820 Then I'll do that.

00:44:55.360 Something that I want to add is there's no right or wrong way.

00:44:57.960 The most important thing is that both of you feel like you're getting equal value exchange.

00:45:02.260 And that both people are putting in equal effort.

00:45:05.000 My boyfriend and I practice polarization in our relationship.

00:45:08.120 Which means that instead of going for...

00:45:10.760 Yeah.

00:45:11.900 Just off the bat.

00:45:13.600 It's still going.

00:45:15.460 It's not going on mine.

00:45:16.760 Oh, okay, okay.

00:45:17.600 I was just saying you can exit out of the actual tab.

00:45:21.260 Yeah.

00:45:21.700 Thank you.

00:45:22.020 Sorry, go ahead.

00:45:22.800 Go ahead.

00:45:23.000 But no, just saying what you're saying there.

00:45:26.040 You smashed it out of the tab.

00:45:27.240 As someone who is currently unemployed, living in my mom's basement, as I would call it, whatever.

00:45:37.920 Don't drive, whatever.

00:45:39.400 You know what I mean?

00:45:39.840 I'm not the London geezer, but you still smashed it out.

00:45:44.180 Because that's exactly how I would act as a man and what I would expect from my woman. 0.66

00:45:50.100 Yeah, and I also just want to put that video into context.

00:45:54.000 Because when I uploaded it, I purposely made it look like he was providing a lot.

00:45:59.400 When I downplayed my part.

00:46:01.160 I posted a second video, which solely focused on what a woman brings to the table.

00:46:06.340 And that's when I went into my role in depth.

00:46:08.900 Supporting, you know, other things like that.

00:46:10.880 And what I noticed was that in the first video, I got a lot of hate from men.

00:46:16.100 But in the second video, I got a lot of hate from women. 1.00

00:46:18.960 Interesting.

00:46:19.640 Why did you get a lot of hate from men for your first one?

00:46:22.580 Because it seems like he was bringing most of the things to the table.

00:46:26.820 I ain't saying she a gold digger.

00:46:28.520 But why would that be a problem?

00:46:32.960 So what I was trying to show was that people lack accountability.

00:46:37.560 And they are so quick to want to take from the other person.

00:46:40.340 But they don't want to reflect on themselves.

00:46:42.560 But also, most people who hate don't understand that men and women have different...

00:46:48.440 Or like they value different currencies in a relationship.

00:46:50.760 So for a woman, her way of being taken care of is the man being the provider. 0.99

00:46:56.860 Because it represents that he's investing his resources in her, right?

00:47:01.000 But for a man, what he cares about is a woman who 100% supports his mission.

00:47:07.120 And does the small things for him every day.

00:47:09.620 Like, you know, bring him a glass of water when he's working hard.

00:47:12.840 Or tell him that he's going to meet his business goals when he's doubting himself.

00:47:17.240 And things like that.

00:47:18.160 And people tend to value money way too much when it comes to...

00:47:21.860 Like what value someone brings to their relationship.

00:47:24.060 They think that money is the only value or currency there is to offer.

00:47:27.820 It's really valuable what you said as well in terms of there is no right or wrong way.

00:47:31.460 It's about finding the balance that works for you in your relationship.

00:47:35.420 But here's the thing.

00:47:36.040 Most people don't actually think about the balance that works in their relationship.

00:47:39.880 Here's how most people go into a relationship.

00:47:41.680 They go...

00:47:42.520 In their mind, they say, okay, my parents did it this way.

00:47:44.980 And the people around me did it this way.

00:47:46.360 So this is what I expect from you as a man.

00:47:48.200 And a man goes, yeah, but my dad did it that way.

00:47:50.320 So this is what I expect from you as a woman. 0.98

00:47:51.960 But they don't actually talk about it.

00:47:53.520 They just have false expectations that have no communication behind them.

00:47:56.800 And then they get surprised when it falls apart.

00:47:59.440 But should you have expectations in relationships?

00:48:02.720 Because sometimes when you...

00:48:03.620 Well, you shouldn't have expectations that aren't clearly communicated.

00:48:08.040 True.

00:48:08.520 But then if you have expectations, sometimes people when you have expectations, it's like

00:48:13.620 you're expecting it to not go to plan.

00:48:16.960 Because if you expect something, you're expecting it to go plan.

00:48:19.400 And if you don't, that's when people go sour.

00:48:21.540 That's when people be like, what's the point of doing this?

00:48:24.340 And have that kind of negative attitude towards certain things.

00:48:28.120 I understand what you're saying.

00:48:30.160 But you have to be clear on, in terms of certain things, you have to be clear on what it is that

00:48:34.780 you want in your relationship.

00:48:36.060 What's acceptable, what's not acceptable.

00:48:37.740 What I'm saying is that most people aren't clear on what is acceptable and what isn't

00:48:41.920 acceptable in their relationships.

00:48:43.220 Because they don't actually discuss it.

00:48:44.660 They just think, oh, well, I've grown up like this.

00:48:46.500 So this is what I expect.

00:48:48.000 But they don't actually have that clear...

00:48:49.920 And that's what Hannah was saying, is have that discussion so that you're very, very

00:48:53.620 clear about what it is that both of you bring to the table, what it is that both of

00:48:56.820 you want.

00:48:57.540 No, I agree with you.

00:48:58.420 And I think sometimes those discussions do happen.

00:49:01.040 But again, it comes back to what you said about accountability.

00:49:03.680 People don't take accountability to actually really admit to what...

00:49:07.680 what they want and what they don't want.

00:49:09.020 They have an image of what they want.

00:49:10.800 They have a visual of what they think a relationship should look like.

00:49:14.060 And when it's put to the table to them, they actually think, actually, I can't actually

00:49:18.360 handle this.

00:49:18.920 I can't actually match to what I think I can do because they haven't been able to go

00:49:24.920 into themselves and take accountability for what they can or cannot do.

00:49:28.120 Facts.

00:49:29.620 Agreed.

00:49:32.500 It's also like a lot of men want a submissive woman, but they don't have the qualities that

00:49:38.340 would make a woman submit to him.

00:49:40.680 And also a lot of women want a man who pays for her and provides for her and is a good 1.00

00:49:45.900 leader, plans the date.

00:49:46.960 But they also don't want to do the work to be the kind of woman that a masculine man wants 0.99

00:49:51.460 either.

00:49:51.680 Facts.

00:49:52.280 Absolutely.

00:49:52.900 Agreed.

00:49:53.100 So to summarise your point nicely in terms of my personal dating experience, right?

00:49:59.360 I got to a point where I came back from uni a bit after.

00:50:06.360 I should have actually came back from uni, but I came back anyways.

00:50:09.740 And then I was on Tinder, Hinge, or whatever, whatever.

00:50:12.820 And I was going through the one night stand dating experience, right?

00:50:16.480 I never had a one night stand before I came back to London after, I think I was for like

00:50:20.360 35 or whatever.

00:50:21.680 Yeah.

00:50:22.440 So women were complimenting me for the fact that I made them breakfast in the morning. 1.00

00:50:29.060 And that to me was bewildering because who doesn't want breakfast in the morning?

00:50:34.700 Like basic decorum.

00:50:36.160 That's basic decorum.

00:50:37.700 But then I realised it was like, am I institutionalised, like am I simping for the fact that I had a

00:50:44.300 mum, and my mum always used to say to me, if you're cooking, cook for everyone.

00:50:48.260 Facts.

00:50:49.160 You know what I'm saying?

00:50:49.960 So if you're staying in that, mine.

00:50:51.860 But a lot of those, a lot of those kind of rituals, if you like, have been somewhat lost

00:50:57.440 in society and a lot of people don't have those same, those same norms and values.

00:51:01.660 A hundred percent.

00:51:02.960 A hundred percent.

00:51:04.120 But at the same time, I thought that that's what makes a man a man.

00:51:06.940 The idea that you go, I don't want you to cook breakfast, bro. 0.99

00:51:10.240 They want to go to dick riding classes, man. 0.99

00:51:11.860 But forget dick riding classes, I'm presenting you as in what I can provide as a man. 0.99

00:51:19.180 I can give you what you're about to pay £11 for brunch for. 0.96

00:51:23.160 Do you know what I mean?

00:51:24.340 What do you guys see as solutions in the dating market going forward?

00:51:29.200 Do you think it starts with the women or the men?

00:51:31.940 Both.

00:51:32.980 They both need to equally read books and educate themselves on what the opposite sex wants. 1.00

00:51:38.860 It would be amazing if people can go on relationship courses before they actually go into relationships.

00:51:45.760 I'm talking like early 20s, you know what I mean?

00:51:47.560 If that was like part of like, you know, adulthood and, you know, people would go into a career

00:51:52.000 and stuff like that.

00:51:52.660 Why don't you go into... 1.00

00:51:53.560 I think 90% of relationship courses are garbage. 1.00

00:51:56.560 They probably are. 1.00

00:51:58.020 But I'm sure.

00:51:58.540 I just think that's easy money.

00:52:00.100 But I mean, in terms of maybe not, you know, some of it would be a course, some of it would

00:52:05.800 be books, some of it would be, you know, personal research and stuff like that.

00:52:09.340 But people don't actually take the time to actually learn about...

00:52:11.800 I feel like it would make more sense for them to talk to someone who's been married 50 years.

00:52:16.000 And most people don't have that.

00:52:19.000 No one.

00:52:20.520 That's where the problem lies.

00:52:21.640 And that's the crazy thing is I talk to so many girls that like think it's okay to leave

00:52:25.320 just because you're not happy, especially when you have kids.

00:52:28.920 And it's just like my mom always told me once you have kids, it's not about you.

00:52:33.240 And so I just get really confused when I'm like, you're not happy.

00:52:37.920 I'm like, the ladies from the 1940s and 50s would think we're so weak today. 0.68

00:52:42.080 Like my man had a side chick across town.

00:52:45.980 Leaving because you're not happy.

00:52:47.400 I used to, I bet someone who was like, oh, as long as he left the house at a certain

00:52:54.280 time, came back at a certain time and paid the bills, whatever you did in that time is

00:52:59.900 none of my business.

00:53:05.160 My, my, um, no, I shouldn't, no, I'm not going to tell that story.

00:53:12.360 No, it's not about me.

00:53:13.760 It's about us.

00:53:14.540 I think that side of the, I think that side of the,

00:53:17.280 the family would get back.

00:53:18.500 I've got stories for you.

00:53:20.160 Let me know.

00:53:20.880 Come back here next week.

00:53:21.800 Just basically, basically, um, there, there was a relative that, yeah, if I had, if I don't

00:53:28.140 say the relative, I think it'll be okay.

00:53:29.680 The, I, there was a relative of mine that she, she knew her husband was cheating. 0.98

00:53:33.820 Right.

00:53:34.560 And, um, basically that the, the husband left and this girl was like a devout Catholic.

00:53:40.920 Like she, she like very much prayed every day, like the most Catholic person I've ever

00:53:45.940 met and the, the husband left the family to be with the side chick and she prayed for

00:53:52.860 a solution.

00:53:54.220 Side chick died.

00:53:55.000 And he came home and they were married like 50 plus years.

00:54:01.320 I mean, that's the solution right there.

00:54:04.380 Don't doubt the Bible.

00:54:05.840 That's what I'm saying.

00:54:06.480 Yeah.

00:54:06.680 And it's just like, like the women back then were willing to like, like she put up with

00:54:10.420 that to be with him.

00:54:11.520 I, I, that'd be a little far even for me, but maybe that's like a sign of the times.

00:54:16.000 Right.

00:54:16.360 Hannah, you're, you're in a relationship.

00:54:19.380 Yeah.

00:54:20.240 And if your, um, partner decide, actually I'm going to have a side chick.

00:54:24.720 How would you feel about that?

00:54:26.760 He wouldn't do that, but if he did, I would not be okay with it.

00:54:31.520 Okay.

00:54:32.280 Do you think, so do you think that would be, um, I'm out of this relationship?

00:54:36.940 Yeah.

00:54:38.180 So would you say that Hannah's weak if she was to walk away from a relationship, her 1.00

00:54:42.500 partner had a side chick? 0.72

00:54:43.760 Um, I think she's, well, to, to, no, no, no, right.

00:54:48.080 Right now.

00:54:48.620 No.

00:54:49.040 I mean, cause I think like she's in a position she can be selective, but if you have kids, 0.62

00:54:52.980 yeah, I think it's selfish.

00:54:54.360 I think like once you have kids, it's not about you anymore, but like before you have kids,

00:54:57.800 like before you have kids, yeah, you can, if you, if what, if someone that's faithful

00:55:02.480 is a priority to you and you don't have kids involved, yeah, go get it.

00:55:06.340 There's plenty of guys that'll be faithful.

00:55:08.620 I know.

00:55:08.780 I know the manosphere says like all guys cheat, whatever, but I know a lot of good dudes that won't

00:55:12.260 cheat on you.

00:55:13.320 Yeah.

00:55:13.760 I think people say all men cheat because that's what they've known.

00:55:18.260 Like all men in your life cheat, but that doesn't mean that all men on the planet cheat.

00:55:23.380 And also in the media, we hear a lot more stories of guys who cheat than guys who don't.

00:55:29.620 So then we have this like distorted idea that all men cheat.

00:55:34.200 And then because that's what a woman believes, that's what she's going to attract. 0.99

00:55:38.080 Well, and then the girls, what they'll do is when they cheat, the answer is always, well, 0.97

00:55:43.740 why did she cheat? 1.00

00:55:45.080 Yeah. 1.00

00:55:45.500 Who gives a fuck? 1.00

00:55:46.500 And who gives a fuck? 1.00

00:55:47.000 Yeah. 0.99

00:55:47.100 It doesn't.

JustPearlyThings - July 11, 2023

Heated Debate on Cheating and Divorce

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Transcript