JustPearlyThings - April 03, 2023


How many dates are too many dates


Episode Stats

Length

10 minutes

Words per Minute

218.6372

Word Count

2,322

Sentence Count

181

Misogynist Sentences

10

Hate Speech Sentences

9


Summary

In this episode, we discuss dating when you know there is no long-term future in your life and how to deal with that. We also discuss how long it takes to become intimate and how many times you should go on a date before you become intimate.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Would you guys ever date someone for a long period of time
00:00:02.480 knowing there's no long-term future?
00:00:06.300 Well, be in a situationship, basically.
00:00:09.660 No.
00:00:10.320 No.
00:00:10.760 Absolutely not.
00:00:11.680 Waste of time.
00:00:12.440 You're wasting your youth.
00:00:13.720 No.
00:00:14.300 I'd do it.
00:00:15.420 I'd do it.
00:00:16.540 I'd do it.
00:00:17.120 If I didn't have no time to do it, I'd do it.
00:00:18.620 Don't you think you may be passing past,
00:00:20.860 like someone who's right for you,
00:00:22.640 you may miss them whilst wasting your time on someone else.
00:00:25.000 If you miss them, it's like a bus, isn't it?
00:00:26.740 Catch them again.
00:00:27.640 I said if you miss them.
00:00:28.900 No, she was saying that.
00:00:30.160 I'd rather.
00:00:30.740 Next one comes along.
00:00:31.700 Yeah, because, I'm sorry, but if you're with someone
00:00:33.940 and you just think, you know what?
00:00:35.500 I mean, just thinking realistically.
00:00:37.540 You either don't have anyone and let time fast you by
00:00:40.880 and then, or use it right there with all your roses
00:00:43.920 and your lips and whatever,
00:00:45.240 or you find a young man and you just think,
00:00:47.860 you know what, I've got you for five years,
00:00:49.220 or I've got a man for five years,
00:00:50.540 and you just enjoy yourself.
00:00:51.440 You're not looking for nothing else.
00:00:53.040 You might be a busy businesswoman
00:00:54.800 that don't want a relationship,
00:00:56.560 and you might have come to an agreement with someone,
00:00:58.560 you know what, we're just going to see each other,
00:01:01.240 but we've got five, ten years to waste.
00:01:03.860 I personally think that only works for a short period of time.
00:01:06.440 You can only be so uncertain for a short period of time,
00:01:08.900 and that initially happens at the beginning.
00:01:10.540 Maybe like, give it three, four months,
00:01:12.440 you'll probably start liking them and being like,
00:01:14.040 yeah, I want to get into a relationship,
00:01:15.320 but then they're going to use the fact
00:01:16.320 that you went into a relationship
00:01:17.340 without no intention of getting together in the future
00:01:19.620 to basically go, yeah, no, I'm not really getting into one.
00:01:22.760 That's one of the main mistakes that women make.
00:01:25.560 So I think that only works for a short period of time.
00:01:27.680 You can only be uncertain for a very short period of time.
00:01:30.400 Sooner or later, you will end up liking the person,
00:01:32.440 believe it or not.
00:01:33.280 How soon will you guys have that conversation
00:01:35.160 of where something is going?
00:01:38.880 Is that something you guys do on the first date,
00:01:41.100 third date, a month in?
00:01:43.320 Depends who they are.
00:01:45.700 Does it not depend on,
00:01:47.580 before you even get to that point,
00:01:49.160 knowing where you're actually at
00:01:50.660 in terms of wanting a relationship or not?
00:01:53.780 Well, I'm saying,
00:01:54.860 if you want to be in something long-term
00:01:56.980 and you meet a guy and go on a date with him,
00:01:59.900 how long until you ask him where it's going?
00:02:03.000 For me personally,
00:02:04.060 it would be before we become intimate
00:02:06.100 or like I shed that kind of energy.
00:02:10.080 Can I, you just said something before you become intimate.
00:02:12.840 So how many dates are you going to go on
00:02:13.840 before you become intimate?
00:02:15.300 I'm just thinking about,
00:02:16.060 the guy could be taking you out like four or five times
00:02:18.260 and then you're going to turn around and say,
00:02:19.800 no, I'd be vexed if I was a man.
00:02:22.240 I'm taking you out on five dates
00:02:23.700 and you're going to turn around getting that for it.
00:02:25.380 I'm going to be vexed.
00:02:26.240 Let's be honest.
00:02:26.800 I'm going to be vexed.
00:02:27.960 Damonte, you really, you already dated.
00:02:29.900 You're going to get active on the bed.
00:02:32.200 No, it's true.
00:02:33.580 Because you got,
00:02:34.480 all right then,
00:02:34.740 think about it from a man's point of view.
00:02:35.980 You like this girl
00:02:36.720 and you're talking,
00:02:38.120 you're going to take her out on these dates.
00:02:40.100 And then after the fifth date,
00:02:41.280 she's going to be like,
00:02:41.920 you know what,
00:02:42.920 I can't really see a future.
00:02:44.540 I'll be like, give my money back.
00:02:46.080 You know what I mean?
00:02:46.700 I'm wasting my money on you.
00:02:47.960 Give my money back.
00:02:48.880 I think it should be done like from day one.
00:02:51.240 From the time you started talking like,
00:02:52.540 yeah, what's your name?
00:02:53.580 And I'm dating with intention.
00:02:54.940 You either like me or you don't like me.
00:02:56.160 Move on.
00:02:56.920 But to go on dates
00:02:57.940 and then turn around and say,
00:03:00.180 I thought you should keep all the receipts
00:03:02.180 and answer his money back.
00:03:03.120 At least 50%.
00:03:04.340 But for someone to say that
00:03:05.460 you really must not have liked the dates like that,
00:03:07.220 you're probably just focusing on trying to get
00:03:08.860 a different type of intimacy with a person.
00:03:11.400 No, the question was,
00:03:12.680 how long would it be before,
00:03:14.200 like if you're going to get serious with someone?
00:03:16.600 So to go on dates,
00:03:17.820 she's asking when.
00:03:18.920 Now I remember I said to someone
00:03:20.160 that when you meet someone,
00:03:21.320 they want to take you out,
00:03:22.180 say, you know,
00:03:23.180 what are your intentions towards me?
00:03:24.640 I'm dating with the attention
00:03:25.860 before you even go out on a date.
00:03:27.740 From the time you're going out on a date,
00:03:29.580 you're giving them false hope.
00:03:31.840 You're giving them false hope.
00:03:33.020 From the time you said,
00:03:33.680 yes, I'm going to go on a date,
00:03:34.600 you think, yeah, I'm in there.
00:03:35.800 And then the next date,
00:03:36.680 yeah, I'm in there.
00:03:37.420 I'm getting close on clock.
00:03:38.400 They go, no, you're not my type.
00:03:39.820 After four or five dates.
00:03:40.900 To be fair, I hear you.
00:03:42.120 I actually do hear you.
00:03:42.960 I think that's what I was trying to say before.
00:03:44.600 I think it's before knowing,
00:03:45.840 before you get to that point,
00:03:47.000 what you want,
00:03:49.000 going into whether you're going to have a date
00:03:50.920 or going into a relationship.
00:03:52.280 I think...
00:03:53.120 Women know.
00:03:53.740 You can just look at a man and see.
00:03:54.880 You know.
00:03:55.400 Even before you go on a date,
00:03:56.440 you know.
00:03:56.860 So when you go on a date,
00:03:57.660 you already know.
00:03:58.600 You can tell by the first date
00:03:59.880 that you don't like him.
00:04:01.300 I mean, I kind of...
00:04:03.280 Maybe the phone call?
00:04:05.580 Text?
00:04:05.680 I think you get that connection
00:04:08.480 and it is about that energy
00:04:09.600 and I think we do feel that
00:04:11.980 and we do know
00:04:13.840 prior to going forth with anything else.
00:04:16.600 So I do think
00:04:17.400 those that say,
00:04:18.580 I just want to see
00:04:19.160 and wait and see how it goes on,
00:04:20.800 I think deep down,
00:04:21.560 we truly know
00:04:22.420 before we even go to that point.
00:04:23.580 They just hedge your bets.
00:04:24.540 They just say,
00:04:25.020 you know what,
00:04:25.300 I'm going to go on dates with him
00:04:26.500 because something better might come around.
00:04:28.920 But sometimes you can know
00:04:30.200 someone's not right,
00:04:31.500 but you're highly attracted to them
00:04:33.000 so you keep going back.
00:04:34.780 Yeah.
00:04:36.040 And there were those
00:04:36.800 that are called toxic nowadays.
00:04:38.360 To do what?
00:04:38.700 Toxic.
00:04:39.260 To do what?
00:04:39.540 You go back to meet up.
00:04:40.900 You know, some people,
00:04:41.940 well, there's a lot of people
00:04:42.860 that sleep around.
00:04:43.620 They know that it's not going to go
00:04:44.580 to the purpose.
00:04:45.800 Yeah, like a friends of benefit.
00:04:47.960 I feel like
00:04:48.460 if you get into a situation
00:04:49.560 where you're basically
00:04:50.500 saying you're friends of benefits,
00:04:51.420 you've kind of already established
00:04:52.340 what is going on
00:04:53.020 in the relationship, right?
00:04:54.980 But I feel like
00:04:57.060 if you're...
00:04:58.340 Before you even go on a date,
00:04:59.680 personally,
00:05:00.260 I'd speak to the person first.
00:05:02.100 Probably like,
00:05:02.700 give it like a week,
00:05:03.580 give it like a week or two.
00:05:04.600 You'd know if you even
00:05:05.520 want to go on the date.
00:05:06.760 That's the thing.
00:05:07.760 But for you to go on five dates
00:05:08.980 and be like,
00:05:09.660 yeah, I'm not...
00:05:10.520 If I'm being honest,
00:05:11.140 then I'll be like,
00:05:12.140 huh?
00:05:12.240 I can see that.
00:05:13.220 If I'm being honest,
00:05:14.200 a man has to make
00:05:15.000 my fanny flower.
00:05:16.200 If you're not making
00:05:17.180 my fanny flower,
00:05:18.340 then I feel like
00:05:19.740 there's nowhere to go.
00:05:20.880 Like, there has to be
00:05:21.660 that sexual chemistry
00:05:22.760 as well as
00:05:23.920 that energy
00:05:25.160 and that connection.
00:05:26.200 I think it has to be there.
00:05:27.220 I think it is important.
00:05:28.580 But don't forget that
00:05:29.520 it's like,
00:05:30.580 your fanny can flutter
00:05:31.560 at the beginning.
00:05:32.680 Do you know what I mean?
00:05:33.960 And then it's like...
00:05:34.400 What?
00:05:34.760 It's like...
00:05:35.420 Stop!
00:05:36.540 You get there
00:05:37.300 and then you're like,
00:05:38.620 are you dead?
00:05:39.860 Do you know what I mean?
00:05:41.280 All of a sudden,
00:05:42.140 it just stops
00:05:42.640 and that's how women know.
00:05:43.820 Because the man will still
00:05:44.640 be going in there
00:05:45.220 that, yeah,
00:05:45.600 we're having sex
00:05:46.080 and we'll be like,
00:05:46.660 you know what,
00:05:46.960 I'm dead below the waist for you.
00:05:48.580 Do you know what I mean?
00:05:48.980 And then you just can't
00:05:49.760 build up how to dump him.
00:05:51.660 Don't, auntie.
00:05:52.420 So don't follow your fanny.
00:05:55.540 No, I'm saying
00:05:56.360 don't follow your fanny
00:05:57.340 but I have to have
00:05:58.320 that fanny flutter
00:05:59.340 with somebody
00:06:00.060 that I'm going to be looking...
00:06:01.800 I think that's important.
00:06:02.900 Part of...
00:06:03.920 That's got to be
00:06:05.160 in my shopping basket.
00:06:06.740 Being able to...
00:06:07.620 That physical attraction,
00:06:08.580 that sexual attraction
00:06:09.320 with a man
00:06:09.900 as well as being able
00:06:10.800 to have that
00:06:11.280 intellectual conversation
00:06:12.240 and have that fun factor
00:06:16.600 as well.
00:06:17.160 I think there's a lot of...
00:06:18.380 So what's not
00:06:19.320 in the shopping bag?
00:06:20.260 What are you willing
00:06:20.760 to give up?
00:06:22.420 Because if he's
00:06:23.300 a good looking guy
00:06:24.320 that makes your
00:06:25.280 like fanny flutter
00:06:26.040 a lot of women
00:06:26.620 are going to want him.
00:06:28.080 Can I say what I want
00:06:28.960 in my basket
00:06:29.720 and then everything else
00:06:31.100 can't be in my basket?
00:06:32.200 Okay, go ahead.
00:06:32.860 Go ahead.
00:06:33.880 I think honesty is important.
00:06:35.720 I think communication
00:06:36.780 is key.
00:06:40.640 I think I'm at
00:06:41.700 a point in my life now
00:06:42.820 where I need
00:06:43.600 consistency
00:06:44.580 to feel safe
00:06:46.380 and secure
00:06:46.880 and obviously
00:06:47.960 that physical attraction
00:06:48.980 have fun.
00:06:50.440 What I don't want
00:06:51.340 is somebody
00:06:52.000 dictating to me
00:06:53.500 telling me
00:06:53.900 what I can
00:06:54.340 and can't do
00:06:55.080 abusive
00:06:56.620 whichever way
00:06:57.780 shape or form
00:06:58.460 that may look.
00:07:00.740 So yeah.
00:07:01.780 That's a shopping trolley
00:07:02.920 not even a basket.
00:07:04.740 She's gone for having
00:07:05.760 nothing in a basket
00:07:06.740 to have a whole trolley.
00:07:08.480 They're the things
00:07:09.000 that I would get rid of
00:07:09.840 and yeah
00:07:10.220 so I think
00:07:10.840 you know
00:07:11.760 that's me.
00:07:13.300 What about you guys?
00:07:17.060 What would you guys
00:07:17.660 want in a guy?
00:07:19.560 I have everything
00:07:20.320 I want now.
00:07:21.440 Aww.
00:07:23.500 Shout out to your boyfriend.
00:07:25.120 Not to me cringe
00:07:26.060 but I can't be like
00:07:26.720 well I want this
00:07:27.400 because that implies
00:07:27.960 I don't have it.
00:07:28.620 No.
00:07:29.380 He looks after me.
00:07:30.820 He leaves me.
00:07:32.080 He does everything
00:07:32.700 I need.
00:07:34.000 Thankfully.
00:07:34.780 Is he more than
00:07:35.300 five years older
00:07:36.000 than you?
00:07:37.420 Yeah.
00:07:37.960 Well he's five years
00:07:38.720 older than me.
00:07:39.220 What would I want?
00:07:46.620 You know
00:07:47.120 I used to be big
00:07:47.940 on saying
00:07:48.420 I want communication.
00:07:50.600 Anybody that asks me
00:07:51.580 what I wanted
00:07:52.140 I'd always be like
00:07:53.400 I'm the best communicator
00:07:54.720 in the world
00:07:55.080 I need someone
00:07:55.440 that can communicate
00:07:56.140 just as well as me.
00:07:58.000 But you realise
00:07:58.580 that communication
00:07:59.100 comes in different forms
00:08:00.280 and it's always not
00:08:00.960 going to be compatible
00:08:01.460 with you.
00:08:01.980 So even when someone is
00:08:02.920 you'd think they wouldn't be.
00:08:04.040 You're asking a man
00:08:04.600 to be a woman.
00:08:07.340 Asking,
00:08:07.980 telling you to tell me
00:08:08.860 what you want
00:08:09.300 it's not asking you
00:08:09.960 to be a woman
00:08:10.520 I'm just telling you
00:08:11.340 so that you don't get upset
00:08:12.200 if I don't do the stuff
00:08:13.060 you want me to do.
00:08:14.020 How many men have told you
00:08:14.800 to shut up and be quiet?
00:08:17.200 Nobody.
00:08:17.740 And I hope no one.
00:08:19.180 Okay.
00:08:19.680 Yeah.
00:08:19.900 You're lucky.
00:08:21.340 Yeah I am.
00:08:22.160 But a lot of the time
00:08:22.940 I'm not going to stand
00:08:23.560 someone that's telling me
00:08:24.340 to shut up.
00:08:25.320 But a lot of the time
00:08:26.200 if men tell us
00:08:27.700 what they really want
00:08:28.680 we leave.
00:08:29.660 Because it's usually
00:08:30.240 I have sex with multiple people
00:08:31.820 and you stay monogamous.
00:08:33.700 So when we get told that
00:08:35.240 that's their form
00:08:36.320 of honest communication
00:08:37.260 and we're just like
00:08:38.600 all right
00:08:39.060 I'm going.
00:08:40.280 That's probably why
00:08:40.920 they're not honest with us.
00:08:42.760 Probably.
00:08:43.340 So she wants a good communicator
00:08:44.700 she's got a shopping trolley
00:08:46.000 I want to find out
00:08:46.580 what everybody else wants.
00:08:48.120 Okay so good communicator
00:08:49.500 what else?
00:08:50.980 Someone that I find
00:08:52.360 attractive.
00:08:54.720 Okay.
00:08:55.200 Is there a height requirement
00:08:56.920 for that?
00:08:57.520 You're not that tall
00:08:58.280 I don't think.
00:08:59.420 Why are you calling me out
00:09:00.000 like that?
00:09:00.220 No I'm 5'3".
00:09:01.040 No I don't have a height requirement
00:09:03.380 you can be as tall
00:09:04.440 as you like.
00:09:05.040 5 foot?
00:09:05.520 5 foot?
00:09:06.800 5 foot?
00:09:07.320 I don't think I'd go for
00:09:07.980 someone that's shorter than me.
00:09:09.320 So there's a height requirement.
00:09:10.680 Yeah just not shorter than me.
00:09:12.140 Sorry yes no.
00:09:13.420 A height requirement
00:09:14.180 but just someone
00:09:14.820 that's not shorter than me.
00:09:15.840 Just because I feel like
00:09:16.860 I'd be more attracted
00:09:17.680 to someone that was
00:09:18.240 taller than me
00:09:18.660 than shorter than me.
00:09:19.380 Same height is good?
00:09:20.620 Same height
00:09:21.200 can be yeah
00:09:21.860 it can be alright.
00:09:22.800 We can try and make it work.
00:09:23.760 Or like 5'5 at least.
00:09:25.180 Yeah yeah yeah.
00:09:25.660 Okay go ahead.
00:09:27.220 So tall
00:09:28.080 5'5 and up
00:09:29.500 and good communicator.
00:09:30.740 Yeah someone that's
00:09:31.640 That's a funny story put up.
00:09:33.300 Someone that
00:09:33.880 I'd prefer
00:09:34.980 if I was to look for anybody
00:09:36.940 and from the first time
00:09:38.740 I even stepped my foot
00:09:40.160 into this dating world
00:09:41.260 someone that's been
00:09:43.800 in a previous relationship
00:09:45.100 but however
00:09:48.360 I don't mean it in a way
00:09:49.640 where like
00:09:50.020 you're still talking to them
00:09:51.180 but I mean
00:09:51.900 in a way where like
00:09:53.060 you know what is required
00:09:55.120 in a relationship
00:09:55.700 you know how to go about
00:09:56.700 someone a significant other
00:09:57.940 and how to talk to them
00:09:59.440 how to look after them
00:10:00.720 and I think
00:10:01.600 yeah so I think
00:10:02.520 that's kind of important to me.
00:10:04.160 Not a deal breaker
00:10:05.160 but I would prefer that.
00:10:06.180 Okay so 5'5 and taller
00:10:07.440 has been in a relationship
00:10:09.460 good communicator.
00:10:10.400 Anything else?
00:10:13.420 Maybe something
00:10:14.060 I'm not allowed to say on camera.
00:10:16.220 I'm joking.
00:10:17.640 I'm joking.
00:10:19.080 But yeah
00:10:19.380 that's all I got for
00:10:20.160 at the top of my head though.
00:10:21.180 As many of you know
00:10:22.020 I was just banned
00:10:23.220 on TikTok
00:10:24.140 and we are demonetized
00:10:25.860 on a daily basis
00:10:27.080 on this platform.
00:10:28.980 If you want to help
00:10:30.240 please consider
00:10:31.120 sending a super thanks below.
00:10:33.460 Every donation helps
00:10:34.760 and it helps make
00:10:35.600 what we do possible.