JustPearlyThings - How Men Can OVERCOME Rejection

00:00:00.000 how can single men overcome anxiety or fear of rejection in the dating world i'll answer that

00:00:06.960 one yeah i literally i think single men need to actually partner with other men men like myself

00:00:12.160 men like yourself and actually learn from other men and i think they need to get to the bottom of

00:00:18.000 why that's happening with they need to do their own mindset it's literally because it's rejection

00:00:22.800 right you said for me rejection is all about what you make it mean it's not the rejection it's the

00:00:27.440 meaning that you subscribe to that rejection what do you make that mean i'm not good enough i'm not

00:00:31.440 tall enough i'm not rich enough as opposed to just one person so it really is cultivating an abundance

00:00:36.240 mindset there are so many women and great people out there and once you've got an abundant mindset

00:00:41.440 it's a bit like i don't know it's like i don't know it's like i don't know going to mcdonald's

00:00:45.360 and they run out of your burger do you get upset by it you go and find another one isn't it right

00:00:49.040 well you missed the bus you wait for another one why is it when it comes to other human beings we

00:00:52.480 feel oh my god it's rejected it's just okay one person rejected you now if you're really clever

00:00:57.120 you might find that why that might be somewhere to start if you're courageous enough why did you

00:01:01.040 reject me go and go to that person you're too short or you're this or your breath things whatever

00:01:04.720 find out whatever it is be be courageous they're too short there's nothing you can do about it

00:01:08.960 so have the courage to accept things you can't change that's fine but there are plenty of very

00:01:13.280 confident charismatic short guys out there getting women so it's not the short thing it's it's who you're

00:01:18.800 being you know what's interesting just being on social media and like having people message like you

00:01:23.920 know sometimes i do one-on-ones or sometimes people message me with like problems or whatever

00:01:28.240 i found that men are so much more willing to take feedback than women true where it's like if a

00:01:34.160 woman if you even imply it's something with her for the reason that she's single it's like all hell

00:01:40.320 breaks loose like i always say this like if you're single the men you want don't want you yeah because

00:01:44.640 if the men you want wanted you you'd be with them yeah and but it's like somehow that's offensive just like

00:01:49.600 the same way that if if the girls like if you're not having sex like the women you want aren't

00:01:54.400 sleeping with you yeah and it's it's it's but the thing is though even though i think women are much

00:01:59.760 more likely to do a lot of self-development work on themselves oh i disagree from what i've seen a lot

00:02:05.040 of men tend to do if there's a crisis women's self-development is this it's journaling

00:02:13.600 it's plastic surgery um it's healing which never includes actual therapy and if it does it's short

00:02:25.760 lived and not consistent yeah i vehemently have i think women engage in it more men are a lot more

00:02:32.000 stubborn just in my in terms of coaching men men tend to be a lot more stubborn but i think they're a

00:02:36.560 lot more realistic i think sometimes women can be a lot more deluded about the actual real world

00:02:41.840 so taking all this action but it may not like you said like let me look at myself men tend to be a

00:02:46.560 lot more stubborn though about doing that work for themselves that's the difference i think if both can

00:02:52.240 tweak it women need to be a lot more realistic about the world you're right if you're not getting

00:02:55.520 the guys you want you need to look at yourself it's not the men you need and it's all it's okay

00:02:59.840 whereas men tend to do it after the horse is bolted you know men will do it after say the marriage

00:03:03.920 has failed or after something's gone wrong then they start looking at that's what i mean like when

00:03:08.240 when i have men like ask me about you know whatever dm may message me and if i give them advice like

00:03:14.000 they'll come back in a month or two months later and have actually improved where it's like women

00:03:19.040 it's just not the same they i never they do but look at the stats with men though you know the stats

00:03:23.680 with men are getting worse you know one-third of men young men i think it's not having sex men are

00:03:27.840 being divorced yeah but i think it's because men just don't think the juice is worth the squeeze

00:03:32.000 anymore it's like it's like they do all this and what do they get on the other side if men do it on mass they

00:03:37.440 would change the world that's what men don't get but men truly demanded a certain level of

00:03:42.160 behavior they'll change it but men are falling for the first trap they're they're hitting up these

00:03:46.400 girls with lights and they're telling women they're amazing actually creating the very world but i'm

00:03:50.000 saying but who starts it the women start it because they start with the thirst but see i don't see it

00:03:55.120 against i don't sorry to interrupt you by the way i don't see it as men against women i'm just saying

00:03:59.200 what kind of world do you want to create it's your action in alignment with the world you want to create

00:04:03.120 but my point is that like i think the women need to start before the men but what they don't then

00:04:09.440 what are you going to do i mean i i mean i think like it's going to more and more men are going to

00:04:13.760 be sexless and i think i think it's actually going to be in a world where there's more relationships

00:04:18.000 like this to be honest for some men no no no but statistically there can only be a few of you that do

00:04:23.840 that the stats won't that's the point is that more and more men will be sexless the trend is heading that

00:04:29.280 way so what what does that mean the rest of us are sharing i think more and more women will be

00:04:33.200 childless i think 50 percent of women over 30 will be single and childless and that's what's really

00:04:38.160 so i think if women don't improve that's the future that we're going to see i wanted to comment on

00:04:42.640 the the rejection thing so like what i've found over over 10 years of coaching this stuff now is

00:04:46.400 that most guys have this unrealistic expectation that they want every girl to like them

00:04:50.560 so i tell them like if you were cold calling in sales or you were knocking doors

00:04:54.480 it doesn't matter for the best salesman in the world you're going to encounter people that just tell you

00:04:58.320 to fuck off or they're going to tell you i'm not interested and a lot of those things are outside

00:05:01.840 of your control like there exist girls that have boyfriends and husbands that don't want to cheat

00:05:05.120 when you talk to them in the club there's girls that are in a bad mood and they don't like you for

00:05:08.400 whatever reason instead of taking that personally and thinking i suck think okay that one's just not

00:05:13.360 interested this one probably will but most men get deflated and then they bring that negative energy

00:05:18.400 into the next interaction and then that causes them to get rejected with a higher chance it's gonna be hard

00:05:23.120 not to i mean i worked in sales i sold the copiers and i'm telling you there's nothing worse than selling it

00:05:28.000 you know it's like to sell like a stand-up ten thousand dollar copy machine who wants that

00:05:32.720 and i'm like i i can't even imagine because when i did that job it was so soul-sucking yeah

00:05:37.760 that i'm like go getting rejected all the and that contributes to the problem right because

00:05:41.840 guys have to develop almost like an emotional resilience yeah yeah you have to where you just

00:05:46.080 have like this thick skin and you just know that when you hit those girls that aren't interested

00:05:50.400 there's going to be other girls that are interested and but a lot of guys will take it personally

00:05:54.080 i get clients they'll go up get two or three rejections and they just give up and they stop

00:05:57.840 approaching for the night so what's what's your advice to men that want to overcome their fear of

00:06:01.680 rejection well i tell them to follow uh the old school three second rule right so you have less

00:06:06.480 than three seconds to go in once you see the attractive girl and then assume it's going to go

00:06:10.640 well and if it doesn't don't take it personally and i i give them strategies for how to open properly

00:06:15.840 right like with direct eye contact speaking loud enough smiling etc versus like coming in meek and

00:06:20.560 passive and this and that so i give them chances to give them or give them strategies to give them

00:06:24.640 the best chances but then also be realistic about the fact that it's not going to work out with some

00:06:28.880 girls no matter how good you get no matter how high value you get or anything there's still gonna

00:06:33.120 be girls who don't like you and there's coaches that are like when you get good enough there's no

00:06:36.160 more rejections that's false or they're you're never gonna get flaked on a date it's like really

00:06:40.160 people don't have things come up in their schedule so these are just part of the game people have to be

00:06:44.000 able to just deal with those things and not take it super personally what about the ladies what's your

00:06:48.960 advice that to men that want to overcome their fear of rejection um i haven't heard too much from

00:06:54.160 you so i want to hear from these three first i feel like the more that you do something the more

00:07:00.640 confidence you'll have when you do it like rejection is not always rejection i like the phrase rejection

00:07:06.160 is redirection so it's like just do it there's a quote i don't know what it's like it's like confidence

00:07:11.760 is the amount of times you do something okay something like basically you just do it just try put

00:07:16.720 yourself out there what's a good opening line and i want the guys to say if you think these are good

00:07:21.920 that a guy should use two girl i want the i want the dating coaches to rate it

00:07:28.720 oh i know i don't have words like that i like i like when a guy says um

00:07:38.960 um okay i like when that guy says hi excuse me you're looking really beautiful today

00:07:46.320 um or say hi um how are you did it like something like that i don't know i like i like to be

00:07:51.600 complimented like oh oh do you need help with i don't know if they see me doing something or

00:07:56.480 oh what are you doing here today i don't know like nice not like forward like so the good opening line

00:08:04.000 is hi you look very beautiful today how are you yeah yeah no no hi you look very beautiful today

00:08:08.160 like like what's your name like where are you from like do you mind if i could okay good or bad

00:08:14.480 uh it depends on like you know if he's like kissing your ass or like supplicating and like that but if

00:08:18.400 it's just like a nice compliment that's fun yeah now that you asked me i think i'm part of the problem

00:08:22.880 that we're talking about because if a guy was to move to me on the street i wouldn't take him seriously

00:08:27.040 for sure that's the thing it depends on how it does yeah i think it depends i would just assume

00:08:31.040 that he does that with everyone but he's single so yeah he's very good he wouldn't say the hi

00:08:38.400 you're beautiful yeah it's a bit cringe okay okay so you think it's cringe you think it's okay

00:08:46.160 it depends i mean like those like london day game guys were like hello i thought you were hot and like

00:08:50.560 they're just doing that like in mass right yeah that's why he said it depends on how you say it

00:08:54.720 depends on how you say my opener for 10 years just been hey i want to meet you real quick

00:08:58.240 it's like very direct i wanted to meet you and you say like when they're like how are you yeah

00:09:02.080 yes that's that's the way but the whole pedestal oh my god you're beautiful how many times has

00:09:06.240 you heard that not like that but like you're putting her on a kind of level of oh my god you're

00:09:10.080 so beautiful i'm not used to no just hey how's it going what's your name how's it going it depends

00:09:14.000 on the frame of how it comes across like you don't want a guy that comes up wow you're like

00:09:17.920 the most amazing you don't want that just like oh i just saw you like i thought you looked really

00:09:22.320 beautiful like you know what are you doing around here like what you're doing today i like that kind

00:09:27.440 of thing what are you what's your advice to guys and what's your opening line my love lang my love

00:09:33.760 language is acts of service so if it's something very simple as let me get that for you as he's

00:09:38.480 opening the doors my knees start to go weak or even yeah or even at the bars like let me get that for

00:09:43.760 you i'm just like okay all right it's like uh jay waller he says don't open doors for girls no

00:09:50.240 i still believe in that um but also with me i'm very i'm a person that's very aware and i also know

00:09:55.920 that rejection is very hard so if a guy does take does approach me i know it's taken him a lot to be

00:10:02.400 able to do that so i'm not going to reject him and be rude and say oh i'm not interested i'm going to go

00:10:06.480 with the flow of the conversation and i'll let him down gently but i think it also what you were saying

00:10:11.680 that you're the problem it it takes us to be as human beings to be empathetic as well to understand

00:10:16.880 that he's still a human he does still have feelings it has taken a lot for him to approach you so just

00:10:21.920 be nice yeah so what do you what do you think of her i like that see because that's quite natural

00:10:27.440 isn't let me get the door for hey where you have to yeah how's it going yeah and they're very natural

00:10:32.560 i don't know i don't like anything that's like all like contrived and i mean that's not gonna even

00:10:38.240 happen that often right like in terms of like situation depending but i think just starting

00:10:44.800 the conversation being direct as long as there's not like fancy gamey gimmicky stuff then that's

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JustPearlyThings - April 16, 2023

How Men Can OVERCOME Rejection

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