How Single Mother Homes Ruined Society
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
220.32309
Summary
In this episode, we talk about the dynamic between a man and a woman and how to balance the two. We also talk about what it means to be a woman in a relationship with a man that doesn t have a good job.
Transcript
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So I dated a guy, 5'4", he did have a really nice body, great in bed.
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I was making a lot of money, so I paid for him.
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But after school, everything, I wanted him to be better.
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I started to disrespect him because he was not, like, pushing him.
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He wasn't trying to level up like I wanted him to.
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When I was laying in bed and I lost, my job ended up going under, and I was like, fuck,
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like, I have no money to take care of this person next to me and me.
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If this house is burning down, I'm going to have to put him on my back, my dog in my hand,
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I was like, it was the biggest pressure I've ever had.
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And then I thought to myself, if I have to make this person my long-term partner and get married,
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And he doesn't have that mentality of, you know what, I'm going to go shovel shit on the corner
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just to make sure that this house is going to stay above her head.
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So I was like, this is the most stressful I've ever been.
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I will never do this again every day of my life.
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And so that day forward, I understood the dynamic between a man and a woman
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and how I do want a man to make more money or to be a little bit more responsible, to be very dominant.
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But the issue we have with a lot of chicks is we're living outside of our lifestyle means.
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So, like, when you have kids, you're kind of supposed to go down in lifestyle.
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Like, I have a friend, she had four kids, and she dated a guy that was making $45,000 a year,
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They only had—I know, you see, she's like, oh, my God, how would I do that?
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But the thing is, no, the problem is women typically don't want to go down in lifestyle for a family,
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They knew you'd have to work harder to have—like, women would work jobs even, like, with kids,
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and they knew they would get married, and they would, like, work harder and still have less because they had kids.
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But the problem now is, like, women, we have these unrealistic, like, lifestyle expectations
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because we've been living by ourselves for so long.
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And I agree, because it's like you're providing—you're being—what is it?
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You're being the man that you want in your life.
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So you're providing for yourself and stuff, and I do agree with that.
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And I think my mentality lately has, like, okay, I'm trying to be—I'm very masculine of a woman,
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and I know this about myself, but I don't want to be that way.
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Like, I really am trying to be more feminine with a man, have him have the dominant role, be—like,
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and I think sometimes with women, like, have you guys ever done this where, like, you'll date a guy
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that doesn't have a lot of money or, like, the nice guy, and you're just trying to, like, beat the odds
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so you're not trying to be a stereotype of what women think.
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Yeah, and then you're like, damn it, I've fucked in my ass for this because—
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So then you end up becoming the other stereotype where you're like, I need to date the guy that has more money
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Well, I just wanted to say that, to your point, Pearl, I understand back then family was everything, right?
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And time has changed to where as though family is not really a priority,
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meaning that if you're going through something with your husband or maybe your boyfriend or girlfriend,
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you kind of keep it to yourself because you don't want your family or your friends to judge you.
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And you're making all of these huge decisions by yourself, which is very hard because you're not seeing it from multiple perspectives.
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And, again, we don't want our relationship, et cetera, to be judged.
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I don't think it has to do with judgment, though, because at the end of the day, you have to regulate how you feel about something.
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So whereas, though, you have a huge family, you have a huge support system.
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Maybe it is, you know, it has to do with the church or with your pastor, et cetera.
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Or you have these people who can counsel, who can try to help you guys before you do decide to say, hey, this isn't working for whatever the reason.
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But today's society is more so who's on my team.
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So it's more so like thinking about emotions instead of thinking about the long-term effect of if you do this.
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You know the girls that might say, hey, we're going to go slash his tires.
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You might have a crew of girls that's down with that.
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But nobody's thinking logically like, OK, we can slash his tires.
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And we may have kids that we're going to leave behind.
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That's why I say like 100 years ago, there was five kids.
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But now it's like we have so many single mothers and single mother homes where it's like we don't have that community and that council we used to have.
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And now women are making decisions on their own.
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And we make terrible mate selection on our own, unfortunately.
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But have you heard of one female rap artist that is positive about men?
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I mean, unless there's conscious rap, you know.
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And what happens is nobody is going to anybody for guidance on how to be successful in what they want.
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And then you know who suffers the most is the kids, the children.
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And now what's happening is there's no nuclear families anymore.
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Like, I remember a long time ago, I was in a relationship.
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And then the guy put me in my place because I was drinking too much.
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And I think my friends had heard him say that to me.
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And she goes, wow, you're going to let him, like, tell you what to do like that?
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And I think, like, a lot of, like, dynamics happen like that where we should be listening
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Well, and the problem, too, is we have a generation of really shitty wives between the ages of,
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And a lot of them didn't listen to their men and didn't teach us what it meant to be traditional.
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Because I just don't see modern relationships working.
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Like, when there's a kingdom, right, there's one king, not two.
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If there's two kings, they'd be fighting all the time.
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And I think when there's two people trying to have control and power all the time, someone has to give.
00:07:04.860
And unfortunately, nowadays, it's more likely to be the men because they're just tired of the women.
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And, like, a lot of guys will just suffer in silence.
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Yeah, there's a reason that we have those phrases.
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Because there's a bunch of guys that they don't really have good wives that we can learn from.
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And it's just like, you know, and they're almost like not even the king of their own house.
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Who, for you as a woman, who's a positive role model as a woman that's well-known?
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Who do you look at as a woman that's successful and has the lifestyle you want and the family you want and the marriage you want?
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I think that's really hard because you really, you don't really know people's life.
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I mean, what looks good on Instagram and what looks good when they're in an interview is one thing.
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But what's actually going on behind closed door is very totally different.
00:08:02.400
Like, everybody wants a happy relationship, right?
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No one goes into it saying, I want a terrible relationship.
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Even though that's the reality, those things are going to happen.
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But it's how you handle those disagreements, how you handle those arguments.
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Or are you going to say something like, you know what?
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So, I don't think that, I don't look up to anybody because I realize that I don't know people's real relationships.
00:08:30.740
Well, and I always, that's why I always ask, like, the question, like, will you obey your husband?
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Because that really kind of tells you where someone's mindset's at.
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It's kind of hot if he says shut the fuck up if he is a boss-ass nigga.
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Well, this is just, no, because it's like, it's like, okay, you know, a guy, it says in the Bible that your husband's supposed to love you, right?
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And he doesn't say love you when you're being a perfect feminine woman.
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Most of us, most women today, we're not perfect feminine women.
00:09:04.720
Yet we ask the men to be these perfect leaders and we'll only obey them when they're leading perfectly.
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But the question is, like, and then we get these, like, church, it's so stupid.
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They put propaganda in the church in the early 1900s to influence women.
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That's why you have all these single women in churches.
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Basically saying that, like, you can only submit to your husband's authority when he follows God.
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But then that puts the woman deciding when he's following God and when he's not following God.
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But it's like men have given us a lot of grace, but we have no grace for men.