JustPearlyThings - October 12, 2023


How Single Mother Homes Ruined Society


Episode Stats


Length

9 minutes

Words per minute

220.32309

Word count

2,114

Sentence count

169

Harmful content

Misogyny

17

sentences flagged

Toxicity

26

sentences flagged

Hate speech

12

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we talk about the dynamic between a man and a woman and how to balance the two. We also talk about what it means to be a woman in a relationship with a man that doesn t have a good job.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 So I dated a guy, 5'4", he did have a really nice body, great in bed.
00:00:04.660 5'4".
00:00:05.120 5'4".
00:00:05.760 No job.
00:00:06.560 Wow.
00:00:07.120 I was making a lot of money, so I paid for him.
00:00:12.340 But after school, everything, I wanted him to be better.
00:00:14.260 I did submit to him.
00:00:15.520 He didn't deserve it, but I did.
00:00:17.140 And I did start getting the disrespect.
00:00:19.600 I started to disrespect him because he was not, like, pushing him.
00:00:24.100 He wasn't giving you security.
00:00:25.040 He wasn't doing it.
00:00:25.740 He wasn't trying to level up like I wanted him to.
00:00:27.560 He didn't have any job?
00:00:28.440 He didn't have no job.
00:00:30.000 Girl.
00:00:30.720 Yeah, it happened.
00:00:31.720 Well, he had a job, but I met him.
00:00:33.060 Okay, but that's where, go ahead.
00:00:34.880 But listen, so this is my first thought. 0.99
00:00:38.040 When I was laying in bed and I lost, my job ended up going under, and I was like, fuck, 0.98
00:00:42.180 like, I have no money to take care of this person next to me and me. 0.98
00:00:45.580 If this house is burning down, I'm going to have to put him on my back, my dog in my hand,
00:00:49.060 and save us both.
00:00:50.380 Wow.
00:00:50.580 I was like, it was the biggest pressure I've ever had.
00:00:52.600 And then I thought to myself, if I have to make this person my long-term partner and get married,
00:00:56.780 what if I need to be bedridden with a child?
00:01:00.800 He cannot take care of us. 0.99
00:01:02.420 And he doesn't have that mentality of, you know what, I'm going to go shovel shit on the corner 0.99
00:01:06.360 just to make sure that this house is going to stay above her head. 0.98
00:01:09.840 So I was like, this is the most stressful I've ever been.
00:01:12.020 I will never do this again every day of my life.
00:01:14.180 And so that day forward, I understood the dynamic between a man and a woman 0.92
00:01:18.820 and how I do want a man to make more money or to be a little bit more responsible, to be very dominant.
00:01:23.860 But the issue we have with a lot of chicks is we're living outside of our lifestyle means. 1.00
00:01:28.980 So, like, when you have kids, you're kind of supposed to go down in lifestyle.
00:01:31.840 Like, I have a friend, she had four kids, and she dated a guy that was making $45,000 a year,
00:01:36.240 and she relied on solely one income. 0.96
00:01:37.900 They only had—I know, you see, she's like, oh, my God, how would I do that?
00:01:41.140 But the thing is, no, the problem is women typically don't want to go down in lifestyle for a family, 1.00
00:01:51.100 and that was expected before.
00:01:52.800 They knew you'd have to work harder to have—like, women would work jobs even, like, with kids, 1.00
00:01:57.640 and they knew they would get married, and they would, like, work harder and still have less because they had kids.
00:02:04.540 But the problem now is, like, women, we have these unrealistic, like, lifestyle expectations 0.99
00:02:09.420 because we've been living by ourselves for so long.
00:02:12.360 And I agree, because it's like you're providing—you're being—what is it?
00:02:14.860 You're being the man that you want in your life.
00:02:17.080 Yeah.
00:02:17.380 So you're providing for yourself and stuff, and I do agree with that.
00:02:20.940 And I think my mentality lately has, like, okay, I'm trying to be—I'm very masculine of a woman,
00:02:26.100 and I know this about myself, but I don't want to be that way.
00:02:29.080 Like, I really am trying to be more feminine with a man, have him have the dominant role, be—like, 0.67
00:02:34.660 and I think sometimes with women, like, have you guys ever done this where, like, you'll date a guy
00:02:39.400 that doesn't have a lot of money or, like, the nice guy, and you're just trying to, like, beat the odds
00:02:42.920 so you're not trying to be a stereotype of what women think.
00:02:45.540 You think it's potential. 1.00
00:02:46.440 Yeah, and then you're like, damn it, I've fucked in my ass for this because— 1.00
00:02:49.660 Okay. 1.00
00:02:50.260 Yeah, and I'm like, what is this?
00:02:51.900 So then you end up becoming the other stereotype where you're like, I need to date the guy that has more money
00:02:56.200 or the guy that does this or something.
00:02:57.760 Well, I just wanted to say that, to your point, Pearl, I understand back then family was everything, right?
00:03:05.420 And time has changed to where as though family is not really a priority,
00:03:10.760 meaning that if you're going through something with your husband or maybe your boyfriend or girlfriend,
00:03:15.720 you kind of keep it to yourself because you don't want your family or your friends to judge you.
00:03:19.860 Yes.
00:03:20.080 And you're making all of these huge decisions by yourself, which is very hard because you're not seeing it from multiple perspectives.
00:03:28.460 And, again, we don't want our relationship, et cetera, to be judged.
00:03:30.900 I don't think it has to do with judgment, though, because at the end of the day, you have to regulate how you feel about something.
00:03:37.560 No, no.
00:03:37.920 What I'm talking about is a support system.
00:03:39.860 So whereas, though, you have a huge family, you have a huge support system.
00:03:43.560 Maybe it is, you know, it has to do with the church or with your pastor, et cetera.
00:03:47.860 Or you have these people who can counsel, who can try to help you guys before you do decide to say, hey, this isn't working for whatever the reason.
00:03:55.740 But today's society is more so who's on my team.
00:03:59.480 It's like, oh, I hate him.
00:04:01.220 You hate him, too.
00:04:02.100 Or I hate her.
00:04:03.140 You know what I mean?
00:04:04.140 So it's more so like thinking about emotions instead of thinking about the long-term effect of if you do this.
00:04:11.200 You know the girls that might say, hey, we're going to go slash his tires. 1.00
00:04:14.060 You might have a crew of girls that's down with that. 1.00
00:04:15.980 But nobody's thinking logically like, OK, we can slash his tires.
00:04:19.620 There's social medias.
00:04:20.420 There's ring cameras.
00:04:21.360 There's this.
00:04:21.840 There's that.
00:04:22.420 And we all can go to jail.
00:04:23.640 And we may have kids that we're going to leave behind.
00:04:25.760 So it's so like emotional thinking.
00:04:28.680 Well, and I think you're right.
00:04:30.140 That's why I say like 100 years ago, there was five kids.
00:04:33.760 And so like they all had families.
00:04:35.580 And you'd all like raise kids together.
00:04:37.640 And it would be like a community.
00:04:39.020 But now it's like we have so many single mothers and single mother homes where it's like we don't have that community and that council we used to have.
00:04:46.220 And now women are making decisions on their own. 1.00
00:04:48.900 And we make terrible mate selection on our own, unfortunately.
00:04:55.220 Something I want to bring up.
00:04:56.140 And it's interesting.
00:04:56.960 And again, I'm not going against the women.
00:04:59.060 But have you heard of one female rap artist that is positive about men?
00:05:06.900 No.
00:05:07.640 No.
00:05:08.920 I mean, unless there's conscious rap, you know.
00:05:12.040 You hear what I'm saying?
00:05:13.440 What male is positive about women? 1.00
00:05:15.200 Exactly.
00:05:16.320 Yeah.
00:05:16.720 So a lot of the music.
00:05:17.840 We give that same energy. 0.99
00:05:19.220 Queen Latifah said, who you calling a bitch? 1.00
00:05:21.440 You know, you and I T Y. 0.99
00:05:23.760 That's my point.
00:05:24.800 The culture and what we're listening.
00:05:26.260 We got negative input coming in.
00:05:27.680 We got people around us.
00:05:28.960 And what happens is nobody is going to anybody for guidance on how to be successful in what they want.
00:05:34.100 And it's all about me, me, me.
00:05:35.360 Right?
00:05:35.720 Yeah.
00:05:35.960 And then you know who suffers the most is the kids, the children.
00:05:39.100 And then they get raised.
00:05:40.300 And then there's these problems.
00:05:41.200 And now what's happening is there's no nuclear families anymore.
00:05:44.560 It's almost a negative.
00:05:45.820 Yeah.
00:05:46.120 Right?
00:05:46.400 And it should be a positive.
00:05:47.540 Yeah.
00:05:47.980 You know.
00:05:48.680 And there's so much input.
00:05:50.420 Like, I remember a long time ago, I was in a relationship.
00:05:53.440 And then the guy put me in my place because I was drinking too much.
00:05:55.940 He had told me, hey, you need to slow down.
00:05:58.100 And I think my friends had heard him say that to me.
00:06:00.740 And I was like, okay, sorry.
00:06:02.380 And then on the side, she messages me.
00:06:04.960 And she goes, wow, you're going to let him, like, tell you what to do like that?
00:06:08.200 And I think, like, a lot of, like, dynamics happen like that where we should be listening
00:06:13.360 because that's their partner.
00:06:14.620 If I was.
00:06:15.600 You don't know.
00:06:16.480 They don't know the man that you know.
00:06:18.460 It sounds like a good influence to me.
00:06:20.300 It's a good influence.
00:06:21.480 So the woman only, my friends only heard.
00:06:24.260 He's trying to control you.
00:06:24.860 He's trying to control you.
00:06:25.800 Right.
00:06:26.000 But what he's saying is facts. 0.98
00:06:27.000 Well, and the problem, too, is we have a generation of really shitty wives between the ages of, 1.00
00:06:32.780 like, 35 to, like, 65. 0.99
00:06:34.980 They're just not good wives. 1.00
00:06:36.360 And a lot of them got divorced.
00:06:37.660 And a lot of them didn't obey their husbands. 1.00
00:06:39.460 And a lot of them didn't listen to their men and didn't teach us what it meant to be traditional.
00:06:44.880 Because I just don't see modern relationships working.
00:06:47.900 I think if you want to do it, fine.
00:06:49.080 I got no qualms doing what you want to do.
00:06:51.400 I just don't see relationship.
00:06:53.360 Like, when there's a kingdom, right, there's one king, not two.
00:06:56.420 If there's two kings, they'd be fighting all the time.
00:06:58.140 There's a reason there's one.
00:06:59.400 And I think when there's two people trying to have control and power all the time, someone has to give.
00:07:04.860 And unfortunately, nowadays, it's more likely to be the men because they're just tired of the women. 0.92
00:07:11.120 And, like, a lot of guys will just suffer in silence.
00:07:13.940 Yeah, there's a reason that we have those phrases.
00:07:16.460 It's cheaper to keep her.
00:07:17.400 Because there's a bunch of guys that they don't really have good wives that we can learn from. 1.00
00:07:22.120 But they're still married.
00:07:23.740 And it's just like, you know, and they're almost like not even the king of their own house.
00:07:28.660 And it's sad.
00:07:29.340 So I have a question.
00:07:31.140 Who, for you as a woman, who's a positive role model as a woman that's well-known?
00:07:37.960 Who do you look at as a woman that's successful and has the lifestyle you want and the family you want and the marriage you want? 1.00
00:07:45.340 Who do you look up to as a woman? 1.00
00:07:46.780 What are you starting over here?
00:07:47.760 I think that's really hard because you really, you don't really know people's life.
00:07:52.180 You really, you're not with them day to day.
00:07:54.340 I mean, what looks good on Instagram and what looks good when they're in an interview is one thing.
00:07:58.520 But what's actually going on behind closed door is very totally different.
00:08:02.400 Like, everybody wants a happy relationship, right?
00:08:04.680 No one goes into it saying, I want a terrible relationship.
00:08:07.720 I want to argue at least once a week.
00:08:09.440 I want to do this.
00:08:09.920 Even though that's the reality, those things are going to happen.
00:08:12.500 But it's how you handle those disagreements, how you handle those arguments. 1.00
00:08:16.220 Are you going to call them a bitch-ass nigger? 1.00
00:08:17.740 Or are you going to say something like, you know what? 1.00
00:08:20.460 My apologies.
00:08:21.460 You know, whatever the case may be.
00:08:23.040 So, I don't think that, I don't look up to anybody because I realize that I don't know people's real relationships.
00:08:30.740 Well, and I always, that's why I always ask, like, the question, like, will you obey your husband?
00:08:35.240 Because that really kind of tells you where someone's mindset's at. 0.99
00:08:37.800 Like, could he tell you to shut the fuck up? 0.98
00:08:39.240 Could he, could he, no, but that's wrong. 1.00
00:08:42.040 It's kind of hot if he says shut the fuck up if he is a boss-ass nigga. 1.00
00:08:45.640 Well, this is just, no, because it's like, it's like, okay, you know, a guy, it says in the Bible that your husband's supposed to love you, right? 0.99
00:08:58.180 And he doesn't say love you when you're being a perfect feminine woman. 1.00
00:09:01.300 Most of us, most women today, we're not perfect feminine women.
00:09:04.720 Yet we ask the men to be these perfect leaders and we'll only obey them when they're leading perfectly.
00:09:09.620 They're not always going to lead perfectly.
00:09:11.520 Life is long. 1.00
00:09:12.400 But the question is, like, and then we get these, like, church, it's so stupid. 0.99
00:09:17.600 They put propaganda in the church in the early 1900s to influence women. 0.99
00:09:21.880 That's why you have all these single women in churches. 1.00
00:09:23.740 Basically saying that, like, you can only submit to your husband's authority when he follows God.
00:09:28.220 But then that puts the woman deciding when he's following God and when he's not following God.
00:09:32.400 But it's like men have given us a lot of grace, but we have no grace for men.