JustPearlyThings - March 16, 2023


How to be FEMININE In a MASCULINE Environment

Hosted by
Hannah Pearl Davis
Mentioned
Kevin Samuels Pearl Jamila Musayeva Emma DuPont Anna Bayou Tik Tok
Aunty Jenny goes on an Epic Rant Pearl DEBUNKS the ＂PATRIACHY＂ fallacy

Episode Stats


Length

11 minutes

Words per minute

199.61

Word count

2,271

Sentence count

193

Harmful content

Misogyny

3

sentences flagged

Hate speech

3

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, I sit down with my girl next door, Kaitlyn, to talk about how she s grown up in a masculine environment and how it s impacted her as a woman. We talk about her struggles with being the only girl in the office and how she overcame them.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.040 How did you work on the scatterbrain thing? Okay, so with the communication, so
00:00:07.520 some of the work that I do has a lot of communication and then going to
00:00:11.500 graduate school and having to present and just always thinking about what I'm
00:00:15.480 saying, how the audience is going to receive it, and that audience could be
00:00:18.920 work people or it could be, you know, my guy or it could be my children and I'm
00:00:23.680 not perfect at it but I try to think of the end in mind. So at the end of this
00:00:28.240 talk, what do I want you to take away with that, take away from that, and then I
00:00:32.060 try to walk it back. Honestly, a lot of it comes with maturity, too, so don't put too
00:00:36.580 much pressure on yourself. I mean, you're 26, right? I'm 47, so it's totally fine, but
00:00:42.660 just being mindful of it. Another big thing, what you do here with YouTube,
00:00:46.920 that's helped me a lot, having a YouTube channel, being in Zoom meetings. I've
00:00:51.880 taken a lot of etiquette and elegance classes, so I've had to invest in making
00:00:56.200 sure that I show up a certain way, getting that feedback, seeing yourself,
00:01:00.220 recording yourself, and saying, wow, I'm a little bit all over the place, and just
00:01:04.600 being mindful and taking the steps to change. Where did you take etiquette
00:01:07.840 classes? Because we were trying to find some, but I was having a hard time finding
00:01:12.700 some that weren't like five grand for etiquette? They are expensive. It is an
00:01:17.960 investment, and actually I heard of one from Kevin Samuel, so I did Anna Bay's
00:01:22.000 signature program. I've done Emma DuPont's signature program. Oh goodness,
00:01:27.520 business communication. Actually, I'm enrolled in her international etiquette
00:01:31.660 course, but it's kind of like you go down a rabbit hole. I've done Jamila
00:01:35.860 Musayeva's programs. I bought her programs. For me, I can nerd out on this stuff,
00:01:42.940 because I really like it, because again, as a boy mom with no sisters, working in a
00:01:47.740 masculine environment, I have to be very mindful that doesn't come on me, because
00:01:52.540 you can start acting like a dude, because that's what you're around all the time.
00:01:57.880 And so I'm just very intentional about watching how men behave and doing the
00:02:03.100 opposite. So no, I think that's something that's definitely rubbed off on me. Just
00:02:07.840 because, just because I grew up between, so I was, I grew up with six. I have ten total,
00:02:12.300 but I was, yeah, it's, it's kind of a long story. My mom gave up one kid for adoption
00:02:17.600 when she was 17. So it's the same parents, but they just started five years later,
00:02:21.760 like they were young. And then three, we adopted as teenagers. So I didn't grow up
00:02:26.220 with four of them. So that, yeah, they adopted like three 15 year olds, but they
00:02:30.300 were, you can speak to the blended family. Wow. Yeah. But it was like two came after I 0.70
00:02:35.160 left for college and one came when I was a year old. You see, so, and she had moved out
00:02:40.600 when I was, I think she moved out when I was two or something. So I was, I think
00:02:45.760 she might've come before I was so young, but when I was in the house, there was six.
00:02:50.560 Does that make sense? There was no blended. It was just me and my siblings. Gotcha.
00:02:54.760 Okay. I grew up between two boys. So, and my next youngest sister was five years
00:03:01.240 younger than me. And we just did it. We didn't really get along when we were
00:03:04.460 younger. So, um, it was kind of like, I was just friends with the boys and then
00:03:10.040 you're playing volleyball, which is around girls, but it's not really a
00:03:13.160 feminine environment. Right. Right. Um, and same with basketball and like track, 1.00
00:03:18.620 like, you know, I mean, you're around girls, but it's really not conducive for 1.00
00:03:24.040 like femininity. Right. Right. And then when I worked, I was in corporate, I was also,
00:03:28.580 I was the only girl at the office. Yeah. So I definitely can see how that stuff can
00:03:33.080 rub off on you, but there's definitely like stuff that like in terms of being girly,
00:03:38.480 I just get frustrated. Cause I'm like, they're like, Oh, it's so nice. You don't
00:03:41.780 wear a lot of makeup. I even had someone accuse me of like, not so funny. He said,
00:03:48.020 I, um, I don't do my hair and makeup because of my brand. And like, I have to
00:03:52.400 come off as like the girl next door who just doesn't know. And I was thinking of
00:03:57.140 like, I wish I knew how to curl my hair. I wish I knew how to do makeup. I'm like, I
00:04:02.480 just genuinely don't know how to do it. And so like a lot of times I would just
00:04:07.160 get super frustrated because I would try to be like, this is so bad.
00:04:11.360 Yeah. Well, don't beat yourself up about it. I mean, one of the things that I
00:04:14.540 understand you with the sports, you know, there's a good side of that competition,
00:04:18.960 but just knowing that being competitive, you know, is a little bit masculine. So
00:04:22.760 you just have to kind of work to offset it. If that's something you want to do when it
00:04:26.860 comes to that beauty routine. Um, one of the things that I would do when I would have
00:04:31.100 someone do my hair or makeup, I would ask them, teach me, show me what you do. Sometimes
00:04:36.480 we just sit in the chair and oh, I love it. And we go because, you know, like we talked
00:04:40.920 about that maintenance with the nails and the eyelashes and all that I have to be able
00:04:44.980 to do it myself. You know, I wear very light makeup. I do like a red lip, some mascara,
00:04:50.520 and that's it. Like I'm not contouring. I put red polish on when it chips, I get it
00:04:54.860 repainted. That's pretty much my signature look. And it's something that I can do on my
00:04:59.740 own. So you start small and you find something that you can maintain and find something that
00:05:05.740 your guy likes and you just go with that. So you don't have to act like you're going to
00:05:09.780 be on the runway. Just, you know, incremental progress.
00:05:12.620 Mm-hmm.
00:05:14.620 The, okay, we got the marriages. Let's, you ready to watch some Kevin Samuels?
00:05:20.620 Let's do it. Let's watch some Kevin. Oh dear. So what I'm good at is I'm coachable.
00:05:26.620 You are. My cooking is coming. Yes. You fed the, the crew yesterday. I actually feed them a decent
00:05:32.620 amount. I feel like it's good practice actually. It's really good practice. Having them around.
00:05:36.620 So I'll just like, it depends on the day because sometimes it's like, I'll run out of food too quick.
00:05:42.620 They like me. But, um, I do give them food a lot cause I'm like, I get feedback and I can see what is
00:05:50.620 good and what isn't. And so it's kind of like a family, you know, so it's sort of is good practice.
00:05:56.620 That's another thing you do really well at. You actually seek out feedback because I noticed y'all
00:06:00.620 yesterday when Pearl was cooking and she made a whole like days worth of food. She asked everybody
00:06:06.620 after they ate, okay, rate me on a scale of one to 10. And she had some really high marks, but even if it was
00:06:10.620 nine or 9.5, she's like, what do I need to do to make it a 10? I was like, Whoa, Pearl wants that perfect score.
00:06:20.620 And that's a good thing. You know, that, that try that want to that drive. I think that's good.
00:06:26.620 What should we watch? See, actually, I'm going to go over this really quick. Okay.
00:06:35.620 It was just, I'm going to go over with the audience. Okay. Guys. Um, this is what we put together.
00:06:39.620 Okay. Just if you guys were not here, I'm just going to show you. So this is what women should 1.00
00:06:45.620 have on their wife resume, meal prep or cooking experience, babysitting or love for children,
00:06:52.620 ability to manage money or stick to a budget, family relationships. So what kind of family do you guys want?
00:07:00.620 And are you on the same page? Who is your family? Were your parents married? Do you have an example, small or big nuclear family?
00:07:07.620 Do you think, um, when looking for, I shouldn't say looking when, when, you know, vetting suitors,
00:07:15.620 do you think it's good to look? Cause I always try if I can.
00:07:21.620 Do I think it's good to finish the sentence?
00:07:23.620 Oh, sorry. Do you think it's good to look at their family structure to see if like they had a two parent home?
00:07:29.620 And if they are, that they'd had marriage experience or longterm relationship experience.
00:07:34.620 Absolutely. This is a wife resume, but I think wives should not only be ready to discuss this for themselves,
00:07:40.620 but these are the questions that we have to ask. I mean, I love, love, and I know sometimes we get in that feeling
00:07:45.620 and it's just like everything they do is wonderful. But if their mom is a battle ax, you need to know that you're signing up for that.
00:07:51.620 And is he going to protect you or is he going to leave you exposed? It's so much.
00:07:57.620 I've never thought about that. That's crazy. I've thought about the two parent home,
00:08:03.620 but I've never thought about how does their, cause moms with sons can over time be overbearing. 1.00
00:08:11.620 Yeah. And wow. I've never thought of that.
00:08:14.620 I've had that experience. I mean, being the daughter-in-law, you know, I, I want to be, you know,
00:08:20.620 accepted into the family and it's hard if that doesn't happen. And especially if it's nothing that you did,
00:08:26.620 that's just how she is, you know, that can be devastating. So you need to know,
00:08:30.620 how is your husband going to handle that? You know, I know we always talk about, you know,
00:08:33.620 mama's boys or whatever, but we are assuming, or I am assuming that you're dealing with the caliber of man
00:08:39.620 that is ready to be a husband. So you need to know what you're getting yourself into.
00:08:43.620 We have to choose wisely and that properly. And just because we feel good with someone,
00:08:48.620 that doesn't mean he's going to be a great husband. But yeah, that's, that's important to know.
00:08:53.620 You're going to spend holidays together. You're going to do like family traditions,
00:08:57.620 you know, weddings and births and funeral. Like you need to know when,
00:09:01.620 when these two groups come together, what is that experience going to be like?
00:09:05.620 And I have one more that I can already hear my mom saying, I didn't talk about faith.
00:09:09.620 Yeah. Yeah. Thanks mom. But yeah, it's important. And it's not about, you know, I'm a believer.
00:09:19.620 And I do, I am a Christian and that's important to me, but it has to be something that you all are on the same page about.
00:09:28.620 You know, I go to church every Sunday. If he doesn't, am I okay with that?
00:09:32.620 If it's just like, you know what, this is the way that I worship. You don't have to go. That's fine.
00:09:36.620 But if it's, you know, the other way around, if he's active in the church and you just want to sit at home,
00:09:41.620 you know, that could cause an issue. So whatever it is, that's something you need to be ready to talk about.
00:09:46.620 That's I was just thinking about this the other day because I grew up Catholic and then I went to the Christian church for a couple of years.
00:09:54.620 And then I moved to England and I got really overwhelmed and I just kind of stopped going the last, I don't know, year or two, maybe two years.
00:10:01.620 And I was trying to think like, what do I want to do now? You know, cause now I have, you know, stuff has been outsourced.
00:10:07.620 Like other people are doing shows. I have a bit more time than I did like last year.
00:10:11.620 And it's, it's a good question. Like what would I want my kids to be raised as?
00:10:19.620 Absolutely.
00:10:20.620 And it wasn't that important to me when I was younger. I was kind of, Oh, Catholic Christian.
00:10:25.620 Like as long as there's something, it's okay. But there's something in me.
00:10:29.620 I think that would be sad if my kids didn't go to Catholic school. I was thinking about this the other day.
00:10:33.620 And that's important. And so that's something that you'd have to talk about.
00:10:36.620 I grew up with youth group and vacation Bible school and singing in the choir.
00:10:40.620 We talked about music yesterday. I love like the praise and worship.
00:10:44.620 Like there's always music in my head and in my home.
00:10:46.620 Like, am I going to be okay with someone who's like, shut that off, you know, stop it.
00:10:51.620 So it's something that you have to talk about because believe me when the kids come and you really know,
00:10:57.620 like who you have hitched your wagon to.
00:11:00.620 You know, I was just banned on Tik Tok and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform.
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