JustPearlyThings - March 16, 2023


How to be FEMININE In a MASCULINE Environment


Episode Stats

Length

11 minutes

Words per Minute

199.61325

Word Count

2,271

Sentence Count

172

Misogynist Sentences

3

Hate Speech Sentences

3


Summary

In this episode, I sit down with my girl next door, Kaitlyn, to talk about how she s grown up in a masculine environment and how it s impacted her as a woman. We talk about her struggles with being the only girl in the office and how she overcame them.


Transcript

00:00:00.040 How did you work on the scatterbrain thing? Okay, so with the communication, so
00:00:07.520 some of the work that I do has a lot of communication and then going to
00:00:11.500 graduate school and having to present and just always thinking about what I'm
00:00:15.480 saying, how the audience is going to receive it, and that audience could be
00:00:18.920 work people or it could be, you know, my guy or it could be my children and I'm
00:00:23.680 not perfect at it but I try to think of the end in mind. So at the end of this
00:00:28.240 talk, what do I want you to take away with that, take away from that, and then I
00:00:32.060 try to walk it back. Honestly, a lot of it comes with maturity, too, so don't put too
00:00:36.580 much pressure on yourself. I mean, you're 26, right? I'm 47, so it's totally fine, but
00:00:42.660 just being mindful of it. Another big thing, what you do here with YouTube,
00:00:46.920 that's helped me a lot, having a YouTube channel, being in Zoom meetings. I've
00:00:51.880 taken a lot of etiquette and elegance classes, so I've had to invest in making
00:00:56.200 sure that I show up a certain way, getting that feedback, seeing yourself,
00:01:00.220 recording yourself, and saying, wow, I'm a little bit all over the place, and just
00:01:04.600 being mindful and taking the steps to change. Where did you take etiquette
00:01:07.840 classes? Because we were trying to find some, but I was having a hard time finding
00:01:12.700 some that weren't like five grand for etiquette? They are expensive. It is an
00:01:17.960 investment, and actually I heard of one from Kevin Samuel, so I did Anna Bay's
00:01:22.000 signature program. I've done Emma DuPont's signature program. Oh goodness,
00:01:27.520 business communication. Actually, I'm enrolled in her international etiquette
00:01:31.660 course, but it's kind of like you go down a rabbit hole. I've done Jamila
00:01:35.860 Musayeva's programs. I bought her programs. For me, I can nerd out on this stuff,
00:01:42.940 because I really like it, because again, as a boy mom with no sisters, working in a
00:01:47.740 masculine environment, I have to be very mindful that doesn't come on me, because
00:01:52.540 you can start acting like a dude, because that's what you're around all the time.
00:01:57.880 And so I'm just very intentional about watching how men behave and doing the
00:02:03.100 opposite. So no, I think that's something that's definitely rubbed off on me. Just
00:02:07.840 because, just because I grew up between, so I was, I grew up with six. I have ten total,
00:02:12.300 but I was, yeah, it's, it's kind of a long story. My mom gave up one kid for adoption
00:02:17.600 when she was 17. So it's the same parents, but they just started five years later,
00:02:21.760 like they were young. And then three, we adopted as teenagers. So I didn't grow up
00:02:26.220 with four of them. So that, yeah, they adopted like three 15 year olds, but they
00:02:30.300 were, you can speak to the blended family. Wow. Yeah. But it was like two came after I
00:02:35.160 left for college and one came when I was a year old. You see, so, and she had moved out
00:02:40.600 when I was, I think she moved out when I was two or something. So I was, I think
00:02:45.760 she might've come before I was so young, but when I was in the house, there was six.
00:02:50.560 Does that make sense? There was no blended. It was just me and my siblings. Gotcha.
00:02:54.760 Okay. I grew up between two boys. So, and my next youngest sister was five years
00:03:01.240 younger than me. And we just did it. We didn't really get along when we were
00:03:04.460 younger. So, um, it was kind of like, I was just friends with the boys and then
00:03:10.040 you're playing volleyball, which is around girls, but it's not really a
00:03:13.160 feminine environment. Right. Right. Um, and same with basketball and like track,
00:03:18.620 like, you know, I mean, you're around girls, but it's really not conducive for
00:03:24.040 like femininity. Right. Right. And then when I worked, I was in corporate, I was also,
00:03:28.580 I was the only girl at the office. Yeah. So I definitely can see how that stuff can
00:03:33.080 rub off on you, but there's definitely like stuff that like in terms of being girly,
00:03:38.480 I just get frustrated. Cause I'm like, they're like, Oh, it's so nice. You don't
00:03:41.780 wear a lot of makeup. I even had someone accuse me of like, not so funny. He said,
00:03:48.020 I, um, I don't do my hair and makeup because of my brand. And like, I have to
00:03:52.400 come off as like the girl next door who just doesn't know. And I was thinking of
00:03:57.140 like, I wish I knew how to curl my hair. I wish I knew how to do makeup. I'm like, I
00:04:02.480 just genuinely don't know how to do it. And so like a lot of times I would just
00:04:07.160 get super frustrated because I would try to be like, this is so bad.
00:04:11.360 Yeah. Well, don't beat yourself up about it. I mean, one of the things that I
00:04:14.540 understand you with the sports, you know, there's a good side of that competition,
00:04:18.960 but just knowing that being competitive, you know, is a little bit masculine. So
00:04:22.760 you just have to kind of work to offset it. If that's something you want to do when it
00:04:26.860 comes to that beauty routine. Um, one of the things that I would do when I would have
00:04:31.100 someone do my hair or makeup, I would ask them, teach me, show me what you do. Sometimes
00:04:36.480 we just sit in the chair and oh, I love it. And we go because, you know, like we talked
00:04:40.920 about that maintenance with the nails and the eyelashes and all that I have to be able
00:04:44.980 to do it myself. You know, I wear very light makeup. I do like a red lip, some mascara,
00:04:50.520 and that's it. Like I'm not contouring. I put red polish on when it chips, I get it
00:04:54.860 repainted. That's pretty much my signature look. And it's something that I can do on my
00:04:59.740 own. So you start small and you find something that you can maintain and find something that
00:05:05.740 your guy likes and you just go with that. So you don't have to act like you're going to
00:05:09.780 be on the runway. Just, you know, incremental progress.
00:05:12.620 Mm-hmm.
00:05:14.620 The, okay, we got the marriages. Let's, you ready to watch some Kevin Samuels?
00:05:20.620 Let's do it. Let's watch some Kevin. Oh dear. So what I'm good at is I'm coachable.
00:05:26.620 You are. My cooking is coming. Yes. You fed the, the crew yesterday. I actually feed them a decent
00:05:32.620 amount. I feel like it's good practice actually. It's really good practice. Having them around.
00:05:36.620 So I'll just like, it depends on the day because sometimes it's like, I'll run out of food too quick.
00:05:42.620 They like me. But, um, I do give them food a lot cause I'm like, I get feedback and I can see what is
00:05:50.620 good and what isn't. And so it's kind of like a family, you know, so it's sort of is good practice.
00:05:56.620 That's another thing you do really well at. You actually seek out feedback because I noticed y'all
00:06:00.620 yesterday when Pearl was cooking and she made a whole like days worth of food. She asked everybody
00:06:06.620 after they ate, okay, rate me on a scale of one to 10. And she had some really high marks, but even if it was
00:06:10.620 nine or 9.5, she's like, what do I need to do to make it a 10? I was like, Whoa, Pearl wants that perfect score.
00:06:20.620 And that's a good thing. You know, that, that try that want to that drive. I think that's good.
00:06:26.620 What should we watch? See, actually, I'm going to go over this really quick. Okay.
00:06:35.620 It was just, I'm going to go over with the audience. Okay. Guys. Um, this is what we put together.
00:06:39.620 Okay. Just if you guys were not here, I'm just going to show you. So this is what women should
00:06:45.620 have on their wife resume, meal prep or cooking experience, babysitting or love for children,
00:06:52.620 ability to manage money or stick to a budget, family relationships. So what kind of family do you guys want?
00:07:00.620 And are you on the same page? Who is your family? Were your parents married? Do you have an example, small or big nuclear family?
00:07:07.620 Do you think, um, when looking for, I shouldn't say looking when, when, you know, vetting suitors,
00:07:15.620 do you think it's good to look? Cause I always try if I can.
00:07:21.620 Do I think it's good to finish the sentence?
00:07:23.620 Oh, sorry. Do you think it's good to look at their family structure to see if like they had a two parent home?
00:07:29.620 And if they are, that they'd had marriage experience or longterm relationship experience.
00:07:34.620 Absolutely. This is a wife resume, but I think wives should not only be ready to discuss this for themselves,
00:07:40.620 but these are the questions that we have to ask. I mean, I love, love, and I know sometimes we get in that feeling
00:07:45.620 and it's just like everything they do is wonderful. But if their mom is a battle ax, you need to know that you're signing up for that.
00:07:51.620 And is he going to protect you or is he going to leave you exposed? It's so much.
00:07:57.620 I've never thought about that. That's crazy. I've thought about the two parent home,
00:08:03.620 but I've never thought about how does their, cause moms with sons can over time be overbearing.
00:08:11.620 Yeah. And wow. I've never thought of that.
00:08:14.620 I've had that experience. I mean, being the daughter-in-law, you know, I, I want to be, you know,
00:08:20.620 accepted into the family and it's hard if that doesn't happen. And especially if it's nothing that you did,
00:08:26.620 that's just how she is, you know, that can be devastating. So you need to know,
00:08:30.620 how is your husband going to handle that? You know, I know we always talk about, you know,
00:08:33.620 mama's boys or whatever, but we are assuming, or I am assuming that you're dealing with the caliber of man
00:08:39.620 that is ready to be a husband. So you need to know what you're getting yourself into.
00:08:43.620 We have to choose wisely and that properly. And just because we feel good with someone,
00:08:48.620 that doesn't mean he's going to be a great husband. But yeah, that's, that's important to know.
00:08:53.620 You're going to spend holidays together. You're going to do like family traditions,
00:08:57.620 you know, weddings and births and funeral. Like you need to know when,
00:09:01.620 when these two groups come together, what is that experience going to be like?
00:09:05.620 And I have one more that I can already hear my mom saying, I didn't talk about faith.
00:09:09.620 Yeah. Yeah. Thanks mom. But yeah, it's important. And it's not about, you know, I'm a believer.
00:09:19.620 And I do, I am a Christian and that's important to me, but it has to be something that you all are on the same page about.
00:09:28.620 You know, I go to church every Sunday. If he doesn't, am I okay with that?
00:09:32.620 If it's just like, you know what, this is the way that I worship. You don't have to go. That's fine.
00:09:36.620 But if it's, you know, the other way around, if he's active in the church and you just want to sit at home,
00:09:41.620 you know, that could cause an issue. So whatever it is, that's something you need to be ready to talk about.
00:09:46.620 That's I was just thinking about this the other day because I grew up Catholic and then I went to the Christian church for a couple of years.
00:09:54.620 And then I moved to England and I got really overwhelmed and I just kind of stopped going the last, I don't know, year or two, maybe two years.
00:10:01.620 And I was trying to think like, what do I want to do now? You know, cause now I have, you know, stuff has been outsourced.
00:10:07.620 Like other people are doing shows. I have a bit more time than I did like last year.
00:10:11.620 And it's, it's a good question. Like what would I want my kids to be raised as?
00:10:19.620 Absolutely.
00:10:20.620 And it wasn't that important to me when I was younger. I was kind of, Oh, Catholic Christian.
00:10:25.620 Like as long as there's something, it's okay. But there's something in me.
00:10:29.620 I think that would be sad if my kids didn't go to Catholic school. I was thinking about this the other day.
00:10:33.620 And that's important. And so that's something that you'd have to talk about.
00:10:36.620 I grew up with youth group and vacation Bible school and singing in the choir.
00:10:40.620 We talked about music yesterday. I love like the praise and worship.
00:10:44.620 Like there's always music in my head and in my home.
00:10:46.620 Like, am I going to be okay with someone who's like, shut that off, you know, stop it.
00:10:51.620 So it's something that you have to talk about because believe me when the kids come and you really know,
00:10:57.620 like who you have hitched your wagon to.
00:11:00.620 You know, I was just banned on Tik Tok and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform.
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