JustPearlyThings - April 16, 2023


Ignorant Woman Said This About False Grape Allegations


Episode Stats


Length

12 minutes

Words per minute

221.8983

Word count

2,867

Sentence count

221

Harmful content

Misogyny

8

sentences flagged

Hate speech

9

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we talk about false rape accusations and how they can ruin a person's life. We also talk about the impact they can have on a family and how it can have a negative effect on a child.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 I mean, did you hear that case in the US? There was a guy who, the girl accused him of grape, and then there was footage that came out of her pulling him back to the dorm, and her pulling him in to kiss her, and he still got kicked out of school.
00:00:15.980 Wow.
00:00:16.540 This is the way that the world's going, and it's scary. And that's, going back to your point, that's why I can understand why people don't even want to have kids anymore, because, and this is the reason why as well, men feel like they can't even speak about things.
00:00:27.880 Because when they do, you're misogynistic, you're controlling, patriarchy, all of these buzzwords. And yeah, men don't feel like they could even say their own point anymore without it being looked at a certain way.
00:00:39.900 I do think that when you talk about like false grape accusations, just to throw out the other side of that, it's just, it's such a small issue. And I understand that when it does happen to somebody, it totally ruins their life. And that minority of people, like they are ruined, they get kicked out of university, they lose all their friends. It is awful.
00:00:57.160 But it's such a minority when you look at like grape cases in general, how many actually go to trial, and then how many actually, like the person goes to prison over it. But it's just, it's so hard to prove, especially if your partner does it to you. There's no proof, you can't prove it.
00:01:11.640 But that also, in between going to trial, in between actually, was it innocent until proven guilty? It's actually you're guilty until proven innocent.
00:01:20.340 Well, you have the court of public opinion. Yeah, I totally agree with you. But I just think that that's such a minority. I don't know any woman that's accused a man of grape. Do you?
00:01:29.760 Yeah, I don't know. Really?
00:01:31.340 I know someone that that's happened to.
00:01:32.860 What if he's a school teacher? What if he's a school teacher? You know, this world is so small. All it takes is for the wrong person to hear the wrong thing. And it can ruin someone.
00:01:41.460 And he'd be suspended with full pay for a period of time. It's not as small as issue as you think. I hear what you're saying, like how many like actually make it to court. But then you've got to remember that social media is everything now.
00:01:51.800 And you've got to remember as well, with women that have experienced that, or they've got a friend that's experienced that, or women kind of, you know, they're group thinkers in a way. Like they will all, you know, jump in the bandwagon if they feel like a woman's being abused, quite rightly. But in certain circumstances, if it is a false allegation, that guy's life is ruined. His reputation is ruined just by someone saying something wild online.
00:02:16.220 Was Johnny Depp's life ruined? Or is he doing absolutely fine?
00:02:18.220 Yes, it was.
00:02:20.220 It was.
00:02:21.220 I just want to test something. I'm just curious. Who here knows someone that was falsely accused of grape or assault or something that you personally know and you believe was false? So two, three. So this is one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. So out of seven people that I don't know, there's three. You don't think that's a big problem?
00:02:43.220 Massive problem. Massive.
00:02:45.220 I think that's really hard though, because I don't know the people that you know. I don't know if you, like if somebody accused somebody I was very, very close to of grape, if somebody accused my brother, there was nothing in me that would ever think that my brother would do that. Does that mean that I know a hundred percent? No, you never know.
00:03:01.220 You know, that's with anything though. That's like, that's like saying people that are on death row. You know, there's a lot of people that have been sentenced to things they should never, ever have been sentenced to.
00:03:09.220 They've been to court and they've been dealt with by a judge. These are people that often haven't. I'm guessing most of these cases haven't been to court.
00:03:14.220 But then sometimes being dealt with by a judge doesn't also mean that it's fair and it hasn't, actually half the time isn't right.
00:03:19.220 But it's based on evidence. No, it's not. No, it's not. But we just went over that. It's not in family court. And I talked to these men, like they've had their entire reputation ruined.
00:03:28.220 Like one guy, even his whole family thought that he did it. Like she convinced him, them that he did it.
00:03:34.220 And that he- Do you not think that that's odd though? If I was accused of something heinous, I don't think my family would believe I did it. And because I didn't, you know?
00:03:41.220 No, because I think a lot of times when women cry, people believe them. I think that if she really, that really happened to her, I think she would have went to court. 1.00
00:03:49.220 And I think you should go to court. That's a dangerous mindset to have though. There's a lot of people that don't go to court for a lot of reasons. Court is an extremely traumatic thing.
00:03:57.220 Well, I think that you shouldn't be speaking about something publicly that a guy has not had a chance to defend himself. I think that's not fair.
00:04:05.220 I think if you're going to accuse me of a crime and go around saying that I committed a crime, I should have the right to go to court and defend myself.
00:04:13.220 But the problem is women will accuse men of things, ruin their jobs, ruin their reputation, and it's all from family court or the court of public opinion. 1.00
00:04:22.220 Neither of which to he gets a fair trial.
00:04:25.220 But then he can do what Johnny Depp did and defamation sue.
00:04:29.220 I think you make it, you know, and you're right. Johnny Depp was able to do that.
00:04:33.220 But even a man with money, status, and fame, she still ruined his life for a couple of years.
00:04:39.220 What happens to the average guy? The average guy can't afford to do that.
00:04:43.220 You know how expensive it is? And I know because I'm, there's some people, some of y'all can get it.
00:04:49.220 But I know, I know because like I'm going to court with certain people. So it's like, it's like, it's expensive.
00:04:57.220 So if a guy's making $40,000 a year and his ex-wife just financed, he's now homeless.
00:05:03.220 What, he's going to go to court to defend himself? How?
00:05:07.220 And remember, everyone lacks the point of finger, men or women. It's just human nature.
00:05:10.220 No one likes to take responsibility for actions. It's just the natural thing to do, right?
00:05:15.220 But the difference is that women can get away with it where men can't, because there's no consequence. 0.99
00:05:19.220 So if there's a shitty, if both genders are shitty, but the women can get away with it, what are the men supposed to do? 0.99
00:05:26.220 Paul, can I ask a question? I know we did the question, do we know anyone that's been accused of?
00:05:30.220 Can we do the same thing? Do we know or know someone that was raped?
00:05:35.220 Yeah, go ahead.
00:05:37.220 Yeah.
00:05:38.220 I just wanted to know in the room.
00:05:40.220 I don't know.
00:05:41.220 I have a question. Did you, did you automatically believe them?
00:05:46.220 Yeah.
00:05:47.220 Yes.
00:05:48.220 Yeah.
00:05:49.220 I did.
00:05:50.220 But I think that's part of the, did they go to court?
00:05:53.220 Yeah.
00:05:54.220 They were too young to go to court.
00:05:56.220 You know, I think, well, great can happen at any time in your life, right?
00:05:59.220 So I think.
00:06:00.220 I actually do think that's like how, I agree with you.
00:06:03.220 Like, I think when they're younger, they usually don't.
00:06:05.220 Yeah.
00:06:06.220 I think sometimes you're actually so young or it kind of turns into a different type of category of great.
00:06:13.220 But I think you're too young to even understand what is actually even happening.
00:06:17.220 Yeah.
00:06:18.220 You're not too young to make that decision.
00:06:19.220 And agree.
00:06:20.220 But then I do.
00:06:21.220 Sometimes I think when you hear things as you grow up and you, people don't come out of things for 30 years.
00:06:28.220 And sometimes people have even passed and whatever, by the time you know about something, it's like with the people around them, when you said, why was it not spoken about?
00:06:37.220 Because, I mean, I can't sit here.
00:06:39.220 I've never gone through something like that.
00:06:41.220 But there was a time when I think I was about 11 years old.
00:06:44.220 My mum used to like, she loves taking us to pantomimes.
00:06:47.220 It's really cool.
00:06:48.220 So we used to go to pantomimes every Christmas.
00:06:50.220 One year, we went to pantomime.
00:06:51.220 We went to Nando's after.
00:06:52.220 It was like me and my sister, her partner's brother and stuff, and my brother.
00:06:56.220 And then I just took like me, my brother-in-law and my brother down like to the toilet.
00:07:01.220 I made sure they like, I didn't go in the toilet, but I made sure they locked themselves together in the toilet. 0.53
00:07:05.220 And then I went to the toilet.
00:07:06.220 And the guy that was in the toilet, when I watched them go in, followed me out, followed me into the women's toilet. 0.95
00:07:13.220 And as God is my witness, I'm a God-fearing woman.
00:07:16.220 There was 12 girls in there getting ready to go on a night out, doing their makeup. 0.99
00:07:20.220 And I said, thank the Lord.
00:07:22.220 I froze.
00:07:23.220 I didn't know what I was going to do.
00:07:25.220 But I knew I'd do something in the end.
00:07:27.220 But like in that moment, I do understand sometimes why women don't come out of it straight away, because I could never imagine what would have happened if them 12 girls went in the toilet.
00:07:36.220 But again, at that age, the first thing I did was go to my mum.
00:07:40.220 Yeah, that was going to be my question, because if they're younger, like, why didn't they go to their parents?
00:07:44.220 Yeah, because I went straight to my mum.
00:07:45.220 My mum was ready.
00:07:46.220 You know, I'm going to say nothing on this, but like, you know, my mum was ready to rock someone, bro.
00:07:50.220 Do you know what I mean?
00:07:51.220 Like, she was like, what's going on?
00:07:53.220 Like, she even went to the girls and asked, did you see that?
00:07:55.220 And they said we saw, because they asked me, are you okay?
00:07:57.220 And I said, I'm fine.
00:07:58.220 And then I just didn't even bother go to it.
00:08:00.220 I just grabbed my brother and stuff and ran upstairs to my mum.
00:08:03.220 I think the question is about consent.
00:08:05.220 Like, as a mum, and I've got two daughters, like, how do I teach them about the consent?
00:08:10.220 Like, where the line is, you know?
00:08:12.220 Because when I grew up, there wasn't, like, this wasn't a thing, really.
00:08:15.220 It wasn't talked about.
00:08:16.220 The consent thing wasn't talked about.
00:08:17.220 So, like, how far do you go with a guy when it's, you're like, and then you can't go,
00:08:23.220 and you're like, there's no way of stopping, and then you regret it.
00:08:26.220 But is that that?
00:08:27.220 Or, like...
00:08:28.220 I think if you, regret isn't, you can't say it's not consent just because you regret it later.
00:08:33.220 No, no, that's...
00:08:34.220 No, exactly.
00:08:35.220 But, that's...
00:08:36.220 Like, I think a lot of times girls confuse... 1.00
00:08:38.220 Like, a guy will be pushy, but they'll confuse that with great.
00:08:42.220 But, like, I don't think...
00:08:43.220 So, where is the consent?
00:08:44.220 Like, how do we teach children to...
00:08:46.220 No, stop.
00:08:47.220 Yeah, no, no, no, stop.
00:08:50.220 I think it's really clear.
00:08:52.220 Yeah.
00:08:53.220 I think we're now trying to make it really confusing.
00:08:55.220 Yeah.
00:08:56.220 And we're over-complicating the issue.
00:08:58.220 No, stop.
00:08:59.220 No, I don't feel like it.
00:09:01.220 Done.
00:09:02.220 That should be it.
00:09:03.220 I think that takes, for a woman, if you're, like, rolling around with a guy in bed, 1.00
00:09:07.220 like, coming up with that, no way.
00:09:09.220 But why are you in that situation?
00:09:11.220 No, but that's what I'm saying about what situation...
00:09:13.220 Like, how far do you have to go?
00:09:15.220 Well, I just...
00:09:16.220 Like, why are you bringing a guy to your apartment late at night if you don't want to sleep with
00:09:21.220 him?
00:09:22.220 I just...
00:09:23.220 Do you not have the choice to go?
00:09:24.220 You have a choice to do it, but is that smart?
00:09:26.220 Is that a good idea?
00:09:27.220 No, it's not smart.
00:09:28.220 No, I'm not saying that it is smart.
00:09:30.220 But, yeah, and then you get to that position, and it's harder to say no at that position.
00:09:35.220 But as a parent, I think, from what I've taken from my parents, I think what always gave
00:09:39.220 me confidence in my decision was having that wisdom from them.
00:09:42.220 And I think nowadays, I think because of the way the world is, parents are so afraid of
00:09:46.220 letting their children know.
00:09:48.220 And then what happens is the world then makes your kids in terms of...
00:09:51.220 It's the world that's now teaching them.
00:09:52.220 So one thing I think I would say is, with your daughters, is give them that wisdom.
00:09:56.220 I think when I used to go on guide trips to like, you know, campsites and stuff, mum would
00:10:01.220 be like, stay with the group.
00:10:02.220 If someone touches you, it is wrong.
00:10:04.220 Tell someone.
00:10:05.220 So when you've got someone enforcing that...
00:10:07.220 My mum wasn't afraid to open me and my siblings up to things that we can encounter.
00:10:12.220 And I think it's you judging what age you feel comfortable doing that with, and trying
00:10:16.220 to judge before that happens, so that they have that confidence.
00:10:20.220 And they go back to that time when mummy told me this or daddy told me that.
00:10:23.220 Well, it's from now.
00:10:24.220 It's like just reinforcing it.
00:10:25.220 It's not like it comes in at like 14, you have the conversation.
00:10:27.220 It's like empowering them from the get-go.
00:10:29.220 I agree.
00:10:30.220 That they have that choice about any decision.
00:10:32.220 I always wonder about this because I had a little different background.
00:10:36.220 I went to Catholic school.
00:10:37.220 So we had no sex ed, none of that shit, you know?
00:10:39.220 Yeah.
00:10:40.220 And I never even really had like a sex talk really with my parents, but I just, I don't
00:10:45.220 know.
00:10:46.220 I just knew you could tell people no.
00:10:47.220 I don't know.
00:10:48.220 Was that confusing to people?
00:10:49.220 But would you say religion gives you a form of discipline to understand what's right from
00:10:53.220 wrong also?
00:10:54.220 Yeah, no, I agree.
00:10:55.220 I do think because I was, I was pretty religious when I was younger.
00:10:58.220 So I do think that deterred some of that stuff.
00:11:01.220 But I think that encouraged you and you've got that confidence in, I think having something
00:11:05.220 to believe in or that, you know, definitely gives you that confidence to, in other situations,
00:11:10.220 move them skills over and make them transferable.
00:11:13.220 Would you ever tell your daughters to wait till they were married?
00:11:17.220 No.
00:11:18.220 No?
00:11:19.220 No.
00:11:20.220 You don't think that would result in like better outcomes for them?
00:11:22.220 Cause you know, cause a lot of these situations are just from, you know, dating, right?
00:11:27.220 But if you're married then.
00:11:29.220 But if you've empowered them and they're strong individuals who can make their own decisions,
00:11:32.220 they don't have to wait till marriage.
00:11:33.220 I think it's a bit of a, I mean, you don't want to get married and then find out that
00:11:37.220 there's no sexual compatibility for them.
00:11:39.220 But how would you know?
00:11:41.220 If you never had sex with anyone else, how would you know?
00:11:44.220 It doesn't feel good.
00:11:48.220 Yeah.
00:11:49.220 I think I wouldn't tell my kids to do something I've not done.
00:11:51.220 Yeah.
00:11:52.220 Cause I, I don't know that experience.
00:11:54.220 So I can't advise them on something that I don't know the outcome of.
00:11:57.220 That would make me feel uneasy.
00:11:59.220 I can only advise them on what I know or what someone else has told me to say.
00:12:03.220 Do you think it's better for girls to sleep with multiple men or less men? 0.98
00:12:07.220 Less men. 0.99
00:12:08.220 Less.
00:12:09.220 So then why wouldn't you encourage them to wait?
00:12:11.220 That's not celibacy though.
00:12:12.220 Sleeping with less men, like being sensible about your sexual partners and being completely
00:12:16.220 celibate until marriage are two different things.
00:12:18.220 It's the best outcomes for women. 1.00
00:12:20.220 It doesn't work though.
00:12:21.220 It's proven time and time again that celibacy doesn't work.
00:12:23.220 No, that's, that's not right.
00:12:25.220 If, um, if you're a virgin on your wedding night, you have an 80% chance of a happy marriage.
00:12:28.220 It drops down to 20% if you have more than five partners.
00:12:31.220 Now, some people don't like that study.
00:12:32.220 So there's ones that are, it's like a 10 to 15% difference, but the trend is still the
00:12:36.220 same.
00:12:37.220 When you're a virgin on your wedding night, you have the best outcome.
00:12:39.220 As many of you know, I was just banned on TikTok and we are demonetized on a daily basis
00:12:45.220 on this platform.
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