Is The Bar Set Low For Men？
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
183.56667
Summary
In this episode, I talk to a woman who is a lawyer and advocate for men in the family courts. She talks about her journey to becoming a lawyer, how she got into the field, and what it's like being in a long distance relationship.
Transcript
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Hello, everyone. I'm Shahara. I'm 28. I'm in a long distance relationship. And I don't
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know if it's fun, but a fact about me is my motivation for going to law school was to
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Oh, look, let's get it. Yeah. So are you a lawyer now?
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Because I kind of accidentally fell into helping. I was mainly counselling somebody
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who was going through a divorce and they just couldn't afford a lawyer. So I was like,
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let me just see what I could do. And I was like, I'm actually really good at this. I was combining
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all of these. I was doing all the legal research and kind of getting everything, like looking at
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his case and seeing what can work and what couldn't. And I was just like, I'm really good at this.
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And then I also saw what's happening and, you know, between the genders and the relations are
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really bad. And I just think that, I mean, I've spoken to a few men and the perception that they
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have of women and the legal system, I don't blame them whatsoever. But the perception that they have
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of women is that, you know, the whole MGTOW thing can completely just go in their own way and
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excuse them, excusing women. I was like, yeah, that's why I want to actually advocate for men
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Yeah. No, it's interesting. I don't, is it, so in the US, I know if someone gets divorced and
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they have a kid with a girl in certain States, they have to pay 25% of their after tax income
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per kid. Um, I don't think it's as bad here. No, no. Is it, is it similar or no? I don't think
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it's though. It can be similar, but I think what the thing is, I think the US is a bit more cutthroat
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Yeah. Yeah. In terms of English law, we go by case by case and there's more of a, there's a lot
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more fairness, I think from what I've seen so far, which is good because I mean, in America you have
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community property States, which are just like completely just cut the house, the assets in the
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middle. Who cares what happened in the case? Yeah. And that's horrible because some cases are really
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unique and then they deserve attention, but then you have equitable distribution States in America,
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some, some States and, uh, which is what you expect of the law to look at every single case.
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And, uh, yeah, the, the, the one that I was involved in was an equitable distribution state.
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So the factors, the ex-wife actually didn't fulfill the factors. Um, so that actually what gained like
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that worked in favor of my client. What does fulfill the factors mean? So the statutory factors,
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for he was in the state of Colorado and in the state of Colorado, you have statutory factors,
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for example, yeah, I don't know how, how people are going to take this, but it is the factors. For
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example, if she wants 50%, uh, she will basically get whatever percentage from the assets. It can,
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uh, like compensate compensating for her contribution to the marriage. If she took care of children,
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as a percentage, if she gave up things like homemaking, uh, as opposed to his 50%, does that
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make sense? Yeah. So she can, it could be 70, you know, 20. Yeah. Like that. No, that's,
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that's really cool. That's really interesting. When I found that about the state, I was like,
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that's brilliant. Yeah. And community property States are really scary. Like California is,
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that's, that's the one where I heard this guy was like going to retire and then he couldn't
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retire because he, his wife left him and took the kid to Japan. Yeah. And like, it's crazy. Cause I
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guess in some States, like the courts are separate, like the courts for like child support and the
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divorce courts. So when he went to child support, like he would get child support, they would just
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say, Oh, you weren't in the kid's life the last six months, but they don't put in the fact that
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like she wasn't letting him be. Yeah. So it's kind of, it's very, um, especially in the U S here,
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I looked up, I think they get like 13 to like 20% ish per kid. If that was correct. Right.
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Is that, yeah. I don't, I don't know if that's, it's not as cutthroat, I think as the U S from
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what I learned. No, but that's generally, but again, they look at each and every case,
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which is important because we can't even, we can't say it's definitely going to go this way.
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Right. Right. Okay. Sorry. That was just interesting. That's why I asked. Okay. Um,
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so I was going to say on, on a slightly, slightly on a tangent, but similar topic, uh, fun fact,
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like one of my friends who studied in law in the UK, I actually asked him about the topic of,
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um, you know, like prenups. And I said, like, you know, it must be a good idea, right? You're
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safeguarding yourself. You're safeguarding each person. Then you feel like it's a little bit
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more comfortable going into the relationship. And I said, like, surely that's a good way to go,
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you know, in a trusting way. And he was like, actually like, there are loopholes just because
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you have a prenup does not mean you are going to get away, you know, without compensation. So,
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um, it might work a little bit better in America, but let's say in the rest of the world, that's,
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that's not the case. And he's like, if you're smart, especially like people who have wealth from
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their family, old family, um, they actually like when their kids get married, they actually like,
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they don't put things or assets under their children's name for a reason. Because if the
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woman tries to divorce the man and try to get the assets, they can't because it's under the entire
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family rather than under an individual. So he was saying like, there are ways that you can,
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so you can put your sister's name, you can get your brother. So it's like, you know, like it's,
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it's, it's not yours. It's, it's the family. And so if that's the way that something's named, then
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you could, that, that you can kind of get away with it, but you cannot just say, well, I've got
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prenup. So this is pre. Yeah. And that's scary. That scares me. It is. And it's hard because I'm
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very pro marriage in like a family sense, but I understand like why guys don't want to get married.
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You know, it like makes sense. Cause I'm like, if I had, if I could possibly lose this much of my
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assets, I wouldn't want to get married either. If the, like the roles were reversed. And what's more
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terrifying is that you don't even have to get married to get the same treatment.
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That's the, you can't even cohabit because it's horrible. You can't even trust.
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It's like, it's like they legally twist their arm. Like they say, well, you know what? No,
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then let's not get married. And they say, ah, but if you live with her for this many years,
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it's like, I actually, I don't know if anyone who's Canadian in the audience who might know,
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but actually I heard that in Canada, maybe I might be making this up. I thought I heard that it
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doesn't, you don't even have to marry it. If you've been living with your partner for a certain
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amount of years, that automatically that person can try and get money from you. I don't, I don't
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know. I don't know. I think that's, I think there that's true, but I might be wrong. So if anyone,
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if I'm wrong, please correct me. Okay. I'm sorry. I got a little off topic. No, no, it was,
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it's interesting. That's okay. So today we're talking about is the bar set low for men. So
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the reason that I thought of this was because I was like scrolling through my TikTok and there's
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this trend going around where it's like, girls will say, well, the bar is so low for men. And
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then, you know, explain. And so I wanted to show you guys a video ish, if you want to pull
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it up. Um, it's basically a compilation of girls when they talk about, you know, how, how low the
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bar is because, you know, between men and women, apparently, you know, women are the ones with
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the low standards, you know, men just have the high standards. Wait, so I see that. So,
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so the girls are saying on social media that they have low standards for men. Is that what
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they're trying to say? Sort of. You'll see it a second. I'm so confused. I'm ready for this
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one. Let me see what's going on. All right. Sam's first. Yes. Guys, Sam's going for it. So I
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guess while we're waiting, while we're waiting for ish to set this up, um, who do you guys
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think has higher standards, men or women just off the bat? Women, for sure. Women. Women,
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100%. From a biological standpoint, definitely the girls. Women. Women. Women. Yeah. See
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this? It's interesting because everyone genuinely agrees here. I could tell I was like, this group
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is going to be based. Um, I think like it's, I think it's important that like, we obviously
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will be talking about the general trends of things, but then obviously there is, they're
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outliers, right? So, um, from a biological standpoint, it makes sense that the girl's
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more picky because you get pregnant, you're going to be nine months. Your body's going to
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get distorted by the way. It's, you're never going to be the same and it's not fun giving
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birth. So to subject yourself, you, you really have to, you know, really pick someone. Whereas
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a guy, you almost can forget about it. That's why women, when they, um, when they ask questions
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like, why can't we do the same things as men? Why can't we sleep around the same as men?
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The answer's right there. You can get pregnant. It's not complicated. I hate that comparison
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when women go off on a tangent, but you can do this or we can do this. You clearly can't
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it's not just that. It's also a pair bonding too. Like, you know, uh, if you want to, um,
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to be more likely to be successful in marriage, then it's on them to not, you know, the less
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partners, the better sleep around. Yeah. Okay. You gotta make it full screen. The, the audience
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can see it too, right? Okay. This is going to be interesting. And then they can see our reaction
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too. Yeah. They can see our reaction too. Yeah. Sam's ready, guys.
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Um, yeah, there's a little to the right, but yeah, that's fine. Then just play it and make
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it full screen. Any predictions, Sam's? No, I'm waiting. What do you think? Whoa, wait,
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wait, what do we think? What do you think we're about to see? I reckon you're going to hear
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a lot of bullshit right now. Delusion. Pure delusion. Let's do this. And then let me know
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in the chat if you guys can tell me about the time when you realized that the bar is super
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low for Matt. I was less than 24 hours out from having my C-section with my son. Um, the hospital
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was room in baby rooms in with you. I was up all night holding him and feeding him, um,
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because he would not lay in the bassinet. So while I was up with him, while my now ex-husband
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slept on the couch beside me the whole night, the lights were dim in the morning when my doctor
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came to check on my incision. And I said, go ahead and turn the lights on. And he said, no,
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let's let him sleep. I have my cell phone and I can use the flashlight on my cell phone.
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So my doctor checked my C-section incision with the flashlight on his cell phone as to let my
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husband continue sleeping. Tell me about the time when you realized that the bar is super
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low for men. So one time I got rejected by this girl after our first date, like I thought it went well,
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but apparently it didn't cause she told me, you know, after I asked her when she was free again,
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she said like, you know, she wasn't into it. And, um, she just wasn't sure if she wanted to see him
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again. No worries. So I texted her like, Hey, not a problem. Um, I get it. If you change your mind,
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let me know you have my number, but if not, good luck out there. And I figured that'd be the end of
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it. Um, and then like a week or two later, no contact, she hits me up and I get a second date.
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Awesome. Um, so we go out and I figured I'd do better this time, but it was painfully obvious that I wasn't
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going to get a third date out of this. Um, so towards the end, I just decided to ask her like
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what, like, why did I get the second date? If you knew this wasn't for you. And she straight up told
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me that it was because of the way I handled the rejection after the first date. Like I didn't
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freak out. I didn't call her like a whore or anything like simply because I was able to take a no
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for an answer. Like we have to do better guys. Tell me about the time when you realized that the bar
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is super low for men. I was at the club with my friends and we were dancing, having fun. And
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this guy came up to me and he said, Oh, I was looking at you and I thought you were so pretty.
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And I just wanted to come out here and say that and like, do you want to like kiss a little bit?
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And I said, no, I don't cause I'm here with my friends and I'm just having fun. I'm not interested.
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And he said, Oh, that's all right then. Sorry for bothering you. And he turned around and walked away.
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I have never found someone more attractive in my entire life. And I said to my friend,
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I almost want to go after him and kiss him because he was respectful.
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When I tell you the bar is way down in hell. Not kidding. Not kidding. Tell me about the time
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when you realize that the bar is super low for men. I'm going to tell y'all how easy it is to get a
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female to like you in college. If a girl is interested in you enough to come to your room and chill with
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you, this is all you got to do. When she comes to your room, invite her to sit on the bed. You pull out
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a chair and sit in that motherfucker. Do not go near her. Do not touch her. Just talk with her,
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chill and vibe the entire time. Do this the first and maybe the second time y'all hang out.
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And she'll be so shocked and impressed that you weren't just trying to that she going to attack
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you. Next time y'all hang out. Mark my words. I was just banned on tick tock and we are demonetized
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