JustPearlyThings - June 02, 2023


Man EXPOSES The Harsh Reality Of Divorce

Hosted by
Hannah Pearl Davis
Mentioned
Lucy Sirencester Stroud Ernie Drop
Pearl EXPOSES This Fact About Modern Women You Would NOT BELIEVE What She Said

Episode Stats


Length

10 minutes

Words per minute

165.91

Word count

1,733

Sentence count

193

Harmful content

Misogyny

3

sentences flagged

Hate speech

1

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, I speak to a woman who was falsely accused of fraud and defrauded by her ex-husband. She talks about how she was taken advantage of and how she managed to get her money back.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 I'm surprised IT is a female environment. 1.00
00:00:02.920 But it is, it is. Well, it's both, it's, you know, it's...
00:00:08.000 But it was female enough, and so when they caught wind that you were getting domestic abuse allegations,
00:00:14.100 they needed you out because you were too much of a liability?
00:00:18.280 That, I don't know. I believe there's a potential with that.
00:00:22.140 I do believe I was then also an easy target to say, you really need this job, don't you?
00:00:35.160 Knowing that I was then, I was in need of a job at the time because I needed it for the court.
00:00:42.100 So overnight, they took 30% from my salary, which was about $13,500 a year.
00:00:46.480 They took it like a pay cut? Oh, wow.
00:00:50.460 And created a policy just for me, so a fraudulent policy to make it look legitimate.
00:00:57.920 And were you on child support at this time?
00:01:00.580 Was I paying child support? Yeah.
00:01:01.720 How much were you paying a month?
00:01:05.120 Right.
00:01:06.740 So at this point, I was paying £250 a month.
00:01:10.000 Okay, so it's like, for the U.S. people, that's like three, roughly like $340 or $330.
00:01:18.780 More than $400, I'd probably say.
00:01:21.320 What do you think? Okay, $400.
00:01:22.960 It's normally, it's not, it's about double, not quite, it's just not quite double, but under double, isn't it?
00:01:27.160 Mm-hmm.
00:01:31.200 Now, here's the thing as well, is that after my second court hearing in 2018,
00:01:36.080 she also defrauded me to the Child Maintenance Service, which that child maintenance service is child support. 1.00
00:01:41.780 Okay.
00:01:42.280 And they're an organisation, it's a government-run organisation, who calculate child support.
00:01:51.640 Now, you don't have to go down that route, or you can.
00:01:55.480 So my ex just did everything possible to go down every possible formal route and make things as difficult as possible.
00:02:03.340 So, she made out, I had two jobs at £40,000 a year, which was not true.
00:02:10.440 Mm-hmm.
00:02:11.180 And for six months, because of that, I had to pay £1,500 a month in Child Maintenance.
00:02:16.880 Oh, wow.
00:02:21.480 £1,500 a month.
00:02:23.300 And also, at that time as well, our mortgage was coming out of its fixed rate.
00:02:28.860 So that went up by £200 a month.
00:02:32.040 Okay.
00:02:32.820 And she refused to, because clearly, I said, well, clearly this divorce isn't going to go over overnight.
00:02:38.280 So I was still paying the whole mortgage.
00:02:40.400 And were you living in the house?
00:02:42.280 Okay.
00:02:43.260 So, we need to, because both our names were on the mortgage, I was paying the mortgage.
00:02:46.900 Right.
00:02:47.880 We need to sign into something to save me some money here.
00:02:50.220 Mm-hmm.
00:02:51.660 And she refused that for another six months as well, around the same time.
00:02:54.660 So I was paying £200 a month extra on my mortgage, plus £1,500 Child Maintenance.
00:02:59.900 Mm-hmm.
00:03:00.840 How long?
00:03:01.640 Because...
00:03:02.080 Six months I paid that.
00:03:02.960 Six months.
00:03:03.880 Wow.
00:03:04.280 So I paid, effectively, three months worth, or three years worth of Child Maintenance in six months.
00:03:09.940 And she also put me £5,000 in debt, retrospectively.
00:03:13.980 Okay.
00:03:15.420 And it took me six months to evidence that to the Child Maintenance Service.
00:03:18.540 Because every time I said, right, here's the evidence to prove I don't have two jobs.
00:03:21.280 Mm-hmm.
00:03:21.860 A couple of days later, she'd call back.
00:03:24.260 And then deny it, and say something else.
00:03:26.360 Mm-hmm.
00:03:26.860 And then they recalculate it all over again, and every time the recalculation...
00:03:29.260 And did you get paid back for the £5,000, or no?
00:03:31.900 So, luckily, I had that one written off.
00:03:33.680 Mm-hmm.
00:03:34.340 Okay.
00:03:35.260 But they refused to pay me back what...
00:03:37.500 So that £5,000 was on top of...
00:03:39.380 Right.
00:03:40.020 ...what the new payments were going to be.
00:03:41.860 Okay.
00:03:43.520 So that got written...
00:03:44.620 After another year, that got written off.
00:03:46.600 The £5,000 did?
00:03:48.140 But you...
00:03:48.720 Did you ever get paid back for the £1,500 a month?
00:03:51.440 No.
00:03:51.700 Wow.
00:03:52.240 They said, because I paid it, although it was evidentially...
00:03:56.860 But don't you go to jail if you don't pay it?
00:03:58.640 They told me if I don't pay it, they'll take my passport away, and I go to prison.
00:04:02.380 Wow.
00:04:04.620 And so they essentially just stole...
00:04:08.720 And they even said to me, if we want to, and this is Child Maintenance Service, they
00:04:11.200 said to me, if we want to, we can take 40% of your salary if we want to.
00:04:14.320 I said, but you're taking 90% of it.
00:04:17.060 Wow.
00:04:17.580 Well, not on this information.
00:04:18.700 I said, but I've already proven to you time and time again.
00:04:21.740 Mm-hmm.
00:04:23.080 So, yeah.
00:04:24.540 And this is all during the three...
00:04:27.320 This is about three and a half years.
00:04:28.860 Because this is around the time you and your girlfriend are together.
00:04:33.000 Yes, I was having to on that time as well.
00:04:34.200 Okay.
00:04:34.700 Yeah.
00:04:34.980 So this is during the whole of 2018.
00:04:38.280 Okay.
00:04:38.620 Right away to the beginning of 2019.
00:04:40.600 Okay.
00:04:40.980 And so what did that lead to?
00:04:44.680 Eventually, they agreed with me, Child Maintenance Service.
00:04:47.920 Um, then she started to tell people that I still owed her £5,000.
00:04:53.120 Family.
00:04:54.640 Friends.
00:04:55.400 I found out, uh, friends she, um, uh, recruited.
00:05:02.220 Well, the term is recruited.
00:05:04.680 Um, a couple of friends' wives.
00:05:06.880 Who then were, then causing toxic towards me.
00:05:11.800 And then we obviously get information on me and pass it on to Lucy.
00:05:14.180 Mm-hmm.
00:05:14.440 My ex.
00:05:16.200 Um, so she could then use it in the courtroom. 0.99
00:05:19.840 Um, I also had a friend who I thought she was a friend.
00:05:24.520 And she was passing information on to Lucy as well.
00:05:27.960 Mm-hmm.
00:05:29.380 Um, uh, what was I doing financially?
00:05:33.200 Uh, what, what potentially will I be doing in court?
00:05:36.960 Um, anything.
00:05:38.440 Anything to put against me in the divorce.
00:05:42.640 When did you go home?
00:05:43.880 You said you were homeless at one point.
00:05:45.780 So back in 2021, I lost my home.
00:05:48.660 So as the house got sold, I had nowhere to go.
00:05:51.040 I was back by this point.
00:05:52.280 I was declared bankrupt on the 5th of October, 2020.
00:05:55.980 Because I physically, I'd spent 30 grand in the courts.
00:05:58.840 So you spent, um.
00:06:00.020 Including auxiliary costs, obviously.
00:06:01.940 How much, how much did everything cost you, would you say, roughly?
00:06:05.200 About £30,000.
00:06:06.320 30,000.
00:06:06.760 Was that include the £1,500 a month in child support?
00:06:11.500 And the, no, you said the 5 grand got written off.
00:06:14.020 And the, and the other child support?
00:06:17.260 It probably was including that.
00:06:18.680 I can't remember.
00:06:19.160 Because I did, I did, I had to do a summary in my, in my divorce.
00:06:21.980 And there was, there was a figure.
00:06:22.980 I can't remember if that was part of the figure or not.
00:06:24.960 And you were.
00:06:25.720 It might have been what I paid, actually, yeah.
00:06:26.980 £30,000.
00:06:28.060 And were, at this point, you were making £40,000 a year.
00:06:31.920 Well, by this point, because I'd been defrauded, my salary got taken down from £38,000 a year to £25,000.
00:06:37.940 Oh, so you were only making £25,000 a year.
00:06:41.400 And now you had £30,000 of bills, basically.
00:06:45.980 I used all my life savings.
00:06:47.680 Wow.
00:06:48.940 And then I was starting to go into debt.
00:06:50.240 And how old were you?
00:06:51.600 So I'm 39 now, and I was 34, 35 at the time.
00:06:54.960 Okay, 34.
00:06:57.060 Okay.
00:06:59.420 And how long did you see him every other week till?
00:07:01.960 Still now.
00:07:02.960 Okay, so that, that stayed at least till now.
00:07:05.200 Yeah, I do have, so I'm no longer doing it at a contact centre.
00:07:09.060 I hand over, I pick him up from school now.
00:07:11.540 And then she collects them from my place on a Sunday.
00:07:13.880 There was a time when, at the point of the two-year marker, where she knew I sold my car,
00:07:25.220 she suddenly said, right, we're going to change everything.
00:07:28.240 You're going to come collecting 30 miles away.
00:07:31.680 Oh.
00:07:32.720 But give me this great offer to make it look, make it look like such an amazing deal.
00:07:36.780 Tell you what we'll do.
00:07:37.820 You pick him up on a Friday at two o'clock in the afternoon.
00:07:40.220 Drop him off at nursery on a Monday morning.
00:07:42.040 Have all your weekend, this and that and the other, to make it look like the best deal possible.
00:07:47.260 But she knew that you didn't have a car.
00:07:48.620 It was impossible.
00:07:49.780 If I did it by train to get to work, because although it was, it's a place called Busage,
00:07:53.800 which is a place called Stroud, and it's like a little village that's not on the main, you know, nearby,
00:08:00.500 a round trip would have taken me four hours.
00:08:03.460 So that's two hours for me, and then two hours for my son on the way back, and vice versa on the Sunday.
00:08:07.040 And the time, so I eventually said, well, I can't do the Monday, because he won't get to the nursery on time.
00:08:15.660 No one's in the nursery by half past eight in the morning, which is going to be impossible.
00:08:21.040 So it was a Sunday, and if I took him back on the Sunday, I'd have no way of getting back,
00:08:27.260 because all the buses would be stopping, all the trains would be stopping, there would literally be nothing to go.
00:08:34.700 So it looked on everyone else, what a great deal, but she knew it was just, it was just emotional.
00:08:41.600 Did any of your friends and family start to see what she was doing?
00:08:46.240 After a while, yes.
00:08:47.240 It took a while, because it's always, well, why is she saying this then?
00:08:53.140 I don't know.
00:08:54.320 I found myself having to be fielding a lot of stuff and having to be a mind reader on things.
00:08:59.420 It wasn't until, probably, beginning of 2020, that they started to really see what was going on.
00:09:16.480 Because she tried to block me seeing him during the COVID lockdowns.
00:09:23.240 Again, I didn't have a car.
00:09:24.380 She said, well, you can have Ernie for these times, but you have to, I'm only going to go halfway,
00:09:32.620 which was a place called Sirencester, which she can't get to, and then she's got a car,
00:09:36.440 or bus, which takes an hour.
00:09:41.820 So she was then starting to try and, over time, if you look at it,
00:09:49.480 over that first, well, two years to three years, there was very small, incremental changes.
00:09:56.980 That would be enough to get away with at the time, but then add up to quite big changes,
00:10:01.900 which is gaslighting.
00:10:05.200 Well, really, I know.
00:10:18.640 Not even though, it's a beautiful image.
00:10:22.340 Yeah, but then we can definitely see each other.
00:10:25.640 I'm just fixed.