JustPearlyThings - June 02, 2023


Man EXPOSES The Harsh Reality Of Divorce


Episode Stats


Length

10 minutes

Words per minute

165.9114

Word count

1,733

Sentence count

169

Harmful content

Misogyny

3

sentences flagged

Hate speech

1

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, I speak to a woman who was falsely accused of fraud and defrauded by her ex-husband. She talks about how she was taken advantage of and how she managed to get her money back.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 I'm surprised IT is a female environment. 1.00
00:00:02.920 But it is, it is. Well, it's both, it's, you know, it's...
00:00:08.000 But it was female enough, and so when they caught wind that you were getting domestic abuse allegations,
00:00:14.100 they needed you out because you were too much of a liability?
00:00:18.280 That, I don't know. I believe there's a potential with that.
00:00:22.140 I do believe I was then also an easy target to say, you really need this job, don't you?
00:00:35.160 Knowing that I was then, I was in need of a job at the time because I needed it for the court.
00:00:42.100 So overnight, they took 30% from my salary, which was about $13,500 a year.
00:00:46.480 They took it like a pay cut? Oh, wow.
00:00:50.460 And created a policy just for me, so a fraudulent policy to make it look legitimate.
00:00:57.920 And were you on child support at this time?
00:01:00.580 Was I paying child support? Yeah.
00:01:01.720 How much were you paying a month?
00:01:05.120 Right.
00:01:06.740 So at this point, I was paying £250 a month.
00:01:10.000 Okay, so it's like, for the U.S. people, that's like three, roughly like $340 or $330.
00:01:18.780 More than $400, I'd probably say.
00:01:21.320 What do you think? Okay, $400.
00:01:22.960 It's normally, it's not, it's about double, not quite, it's just not quite double, but under double, isn't it?
00:01:27.160 Mm-hmm.
00:01:31.200 Now, here's the thing as well, is that after my second court hearing in 2018,
00:01:36.080 she also defrauded me to the Child Maintenance Service, which that child maintenance service is child support. 1.00
00:01:41.780 Okay.
00:01:42.280 And they're an organisation, it's a government-run organisation, who calculate child support.
00:01:51.640 Now, you don't have to go down that route, or you can.
00:01:55.480 So my ex just did everything possible to go down every possible formal route and make things as difficult as possible.
00:02:03.340 So, she made out, I had two jobs at £40,000 a year, which was not true.
00:02:10.440 Mm-hmm.
00:02:11.180 And for six months, because of that, I had to pay £1,500 a month in Child Maintenance.
00:02:16.880 Oh, wow.
00:02:21.480 £1,500 a month.
00:02:23.300 And also, at that time as well, our mortgage was coming out of its fixed rate.
00:02:28.860 So that went up by £200 a month.
00:02:32.040 Okay.
00:02:32.820 And she refused to, because clearly, I said, well, clearly this divorce isn't going to go over overnight.
00:02:38.280 So I was still paying the whole mortgage.
00:02:40.400 And were you living in the house?
00:02:42.280 Okay.
00:02:43.260 So, we need to, because both our names were on the mortgage, I was paying the mortgage.
00:02:46.900 Right.
00:02:47.880 We need to sign into something to save me some money here.
00:02:50.220 Mm-hmm.
00:02:51.660 And she refused that for another six months as well, around the same time.
00:02:54.660 So I was paying £200 a month extra on my mortgage, plus £1,500 Child Maintenance.
00:02:59.900 Mm-hmm.
00:03:00.840 How long?
00:03:01.640 Because...
00:03:02.080 Six months I paid that.
00:03:02.960 Six months.
00:03:03.880 Wow.
00:03:04.280 So I paid, effectively, three months worth, or three years worth of Child Maintenance in six months.
00:03:09.940 And she also put me £5,000 in debt, retrospectively.
00:03:13.980 Okay.
00:03:15.420 And it took me six months to evidence that to the Child Maintenance Service.
00:03:18.540 Because every time I said, right, here's the evidence to prove I don't have two jobs.
00:03:21.280 Mm-hmm.
00:03:21.860 A couple of days later, she'd call back.
00:03:24.260 And then deny it, and say something else.
00:03:26.360 Mm-hmm.
00:03:26.860 And then they recalculate it all over again, and every time the recalculation...
00:03:29.260 And did you get paid back for the £5,000, or no?
00:03:31.900 So, luckily, I had that one written off.
00:03:33.680 Mm-hmm.
00:03:34.340 Okay.
00:03:35.260 But they refused to pay me back what...
00:03:37.500 So that £5,000 was on top of...
00:03:39.380 Right.
00:03:40.020 ...what the new payments were going to be.
00:03:41.860 Okay.
00:03:43.520 So that got written...
00:03:44.620 After another year, that got written off.
00:03:46.600 The £5,000 did?
00:03:48.140 But you...
00:03:48.720 Did you ever get paid back for the £1,500 a month?
00:03:51.440 No.
00:03:51.700 Wow.
00:03:52.240 They said, because I paid it, although it was evidentially...
00:03:56.860 But don't you go to jail if you don't pay it?
00:03:58.640 They told me if I don't pay it, they'll take my passport away, and I go to prison.
00:04:02.380 Wow.
00:04:04.620 And so they essentially just stole...
00:04:08.720 And they even said to me, if we want to, and this is Child Maintenance Service, they
00:04:11.200 said to me, if we want to, we can take 40% of your salary if we want to.
00:04:14.320 I said, but you're taking 90% of it.
00:04:17.060 Wow.
00:04:17.580 Well, not on this information.
00:04:18.700 I said, but I've already proven to you time and time again.
00:04:21.740 Mm-hmm.
00:04:23.080 So, yeah.
00:04:24.540 And this is all during the three...
00:04:27.320 This is about three and a half years.
00:04:28.860 Because this is around the time you and your girlfriend are together.
00:04:33.000 Yes, I was having to on that time as well.
00:04:34.200 Okay.
00:04:34.700 Yeah.
00:04:34.980 So this is during the whole of 2018.
00:04:38.280 Okay.
00:04:38.620 Right away to the beginning of 2019.
00:04:40.600 Okay.
00:04:40.980 And so what did that lead to?
00:04:44.680 Eventually, they agreed with me, Child Maintenance Service.
00:04:47.920 Um, then she started to tell people that I still owed her £5,000.
00:04:53.120 Family.
00:04:54.640 Friends.
00:04:55.400 I found out, uh, friends she, um, uh, recruited.
00:05:02.220 Well, the term is recruited.
00:05:04.680 Um, a couple of friends' wives.
00:05:06.880 Who then were, then causing toxic towards me.
00:05:11.800 And then we obviously get information on me and pass it on to Lucy.
00:05:14.180 Mm-hmm.
00:05:14.440 My ex.
00:05:16.200 Um, so she could then use it in the courtroom. 0.99
00:05:19.840 Um, I also had a friend who I thought she was a friend.
00:05:24.520 And she was passing information on to Lucy as well.
00:05:27.960 Mm-hmm.
00:05:29.380 Um, uh, what was I doing financially?
00:05:33.200 Uh, what, what potentially will I be doing in court?
00:05:36.960 Um, anything.
00:05:38.440 Anything to put against me in the divorce.
00:05:42.640 When did you go home?
00:05:43.880 You said you were homeless at one point.
00:05:45.780 So back in 2021, I lost my home.
00:05:48.660 So as the house got sold, I had nowhere to go.
00:05:51.040 I was back by this point.
00:05:52.280 I was declared bankrupt on the 5th of October, 2020.
00:05:55.980 Because I physically, I'd spent 30 grand in the courts.
00:05:58.840 So you spent, um.
00:06:00.020 Including auxiliary costs, obviously.
00:06:01.940 How much, how much did everything cost you, would you say, roughly?
00:06:05.200 About £30,000.
00:06:06.320 30,000.
00:06:06.760 Was that include the £1,500 a month in child support?
00:06:11.500 And the, no, you said the 5 grand got written off.
00:06:14.020 And the, and the other child support?
00:06:17.260 It probably was including that.
00:06:18.680 I can't remember.
00:06:19.160 Because I did, I did, I had to do a summary in my, in my divorce.
00:06:21.980 And there was, there was a figure.
00:06:22.980 I can't remember if that was part of the figure or not.
00:06:24.960 And you were.
00:06:25.720 It might have been what I paid, actually, yeah.
00:06:26.980 £30,000.
00:06:28.060 And were, at this point, you were making £40,000 a year.
00:06:31.920 Well, by this point, because I'd been defrauded, my salary got taken down from £38,000 a year to £25,000.
00:06:37.940 Oh, so you were only making £25,000 a year.
00:06:41.400 And now you had £30,000 of bills, basically.
00:06:45.980 I used all my life savings.
00:06:47.680 Wow.
00:06:48.940 And then I was starting to go into debt.
00:06:50.240 And how old were you?
00:06:51.600 So I'm 39 now, and I was 34, 35 at the time.
00:06:54.960 Okay, 34.
00:06:57.060 Okay.
00:06:59.420 And how long did you see him every other week till?
00:07:01.960 Still now.
00:07:02.960 Okay, so that, that stayed at least till now.
00:07:05.200 Yeah, I do have, so I'm no longer doing it at a contact centre.
00:07:09.060 I hand over, I pick him up from school now.
00:07:11.540 And then she collects them from my place on a Sunday.
00:07:13.880 There was a time when, at the point of the two-year marker, where she knew I sold my car,
00:07:25.220 she suddenly said, right, we're going to change everything.
00:07:28.240 You're going to come collecting 30 miles away.
00:07:31.680 Oh.
00:07:32.720 But give me this great offer to make it look, make it look like such an amazing deal.
00:07:36.780 Tell you what we'll do.
00:07:37.820 You pick him up on a Friday at two o'clock in the afternoon.
00:07:40.220 Drop him off at nursery on a Monday morning.
00:07:42.040 Have all your weekend, this and that and the other, to make it look like the best deal possible.
00:07:47.260 But she knew that you didn't have a car.
00:07:48.620 It was impossible.
00:07:49.780 If I did it by train to get to work, because although it was, it's a place called Busage,
00:07:53.800 which is a place called Stroud, and it's like a little village that's not on the main, you know, nearby,
00:08:00.500 a round trip would have taken me four hours.
00:08:03.460 So that's two hours for me, and then two hours for my son on the way back, and vice versa on the Sunday.
00:08:07.040 And the time, so I eventually said, well, I can't do the Monday, because he won't get to the nursery on time.
00:08:15.660 No one's in the nursery by half past eight in the morning, which is going to be impossible.
00:08:21.040 So it was a Sunday, and if I took him back on the Sunday, I'd have no way of getting back,
00:08:27.260 because all the buses would be stopping, all the trains would be stopping, there would literally be nothing to go.
00:08:34.700 So it looked on everyone else, what a great deal, but she knew it was just, it was just emotional.
00:08:41.600 Did any of your friends and family start to see what she was doing?
00:08:46.240 After a while, yes.
00:08:47.240 It took a while, because it's always, well, why is she saying this then?
00:08:53.140 I don't know.
00:08:54.320 I found myself having to be fielding a lot of stuff and having to be a mind reader on things.
00:08:59.420 It wasn't until, probably, beginning of 2020, that they started to really see what was going on.
00:09:16.480 Because she tried to block me seeing him during the COVID lockdowns.
00:09:23.240 Again, I didn't have a car.
00:09:24.380 She said, well, you can have Ernie for these times, but you have to, I'm only going to go halfway,
00:09:32.620 which was a place called Sirencester, which she can't get to, and then she's got a car,
00:09:36.440 or bus, which takes an hour.
00:09:41.820 So she was then starting to try and, over time, if you look at it,
00:09:49.480 over that first, well, two years to three years, there was very small, incremental changes.
00:09:56.980 That would be enough to get away with at the time, but then add up to quite big changes,
00:10:01.900 which is gaslighting.
00:10:05.200 Well, really, I know.
00:10:18.640 Not even though, it's a beautiful image.
00:10:22.340 Yeah, but then we can definitely see each other.
00:10:25.640 I'm just fixed.