JustPearlyThings - March 19, 2023


Misandrist on why she can’t respect men


Episode Stats


Length

10 minutes

Words per minute

184.60246

Word count

1,979

Sentence count

125

Harmful content

Misogyny

12

sentences flagged

Hate speech

3

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we discuss how race affects dating and what it means to be a Black woman in the modern dating world. We also discuss the impact of race on a woman s dating life and how it can affect her chances of finding a partner.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 Okay, do you think your race affects dating?
00:00:04.400 What do you lot think?
00:00:06.520 Yeah.
00:00:07.460 Go on, what do you think?
00:00:08.700 Does your race affect your date?
00:00:09.940 Yeah, of course, because it depends on how the person perceives you.
00:00:13.860 But your race is not something that you can hide as soon as you walk into a room.
00:00:17.240 People assume and can see your race.
00:00:20.080 Other things about you, people will not tell until you open your mouth,
00:00:23.080 but your race you can't get away with.
00:00:24.660 If we're talking about skin colour, maybe...
00:00:26.400 I'm not talking about if you've got an assumption race, but anyway.
00:00:28.120 So therefore, someone is straight away going to have a perception,
00:00:32.940 conscious or unconscious, bias towards you.
00:00:37.060 And therefore, from there, they'll depend on how they want to approach you.
00:00:40.860 Maggie, in the back, what do you think about...
00:00:42.420 So a couple of things to answer this question.
00:00:45.520 Yes, race matters because the purpose of dating
00:00:49.520 is to choose who would be a suitable mate for marriage or for long term. 0.95
00:00:55.160 So I would think that when you're dating with that intention,
00:00:59.900 you're looking at who you would want to combine your life with
00:01:03.880 and your family's life with.
00:01:05.480 So, of course, you can just have fun.
00:01:07.540 But if you're dating with intention,
00:01:08.980 you need to be able to see that person in your life
00:01:12.860 and your family's life for the long term.
00:01:15.260 And I'm not saying anything is right or wrong,
00:01:17.400 but yes, it's considered.
00:01:18.380 But I would like to offer something to the young mother, if I may.
00:01:22.900 So just a couple of things that you said,
00:01:25.440 and I'm really proud of you for being brave and being honest.
00:01:28.640 But just moving forward,
00:01:30.900 the first thing that you said that struck me,
00:01:33.240 you said how you felt about the man.
00:01:37.940 I felt this way about him.
00:01:40.120 I was attracted to him.
00:01:42.000 All the wonderful qualities.
00:01:43.500 Just be mindful that men establish relationships.
00:01:48.440 So up and until he says,
00:01:51.220 I belong to you and you belong to me,
00:01:53.940 or I would like to take this to the next level.
00:01:57.140 I don't want to see other people.
00:01:58.660 Anything other than that, it's not a relationship.
00:02:01.360 Even if we feel all of the things,
00:02:04.100 unless the man has established it,
00:02:06.380 you are not in relationship.
00:02:07.640 And I think as women,
00:02:08.560 it would be wise of us to not assume
00:02:11.540 just because we feel some way, it's so.
00:02:14.160 So that was the first thing.
00:02:15.180 And then the second thing you said,
00:02:17.100 you had some questions about the relationship.
00:02:19.400 It was more of a situationship.
00:02:20.920 However, you did say that you two made a decision together
00:02:24.300 to have the child.
00:02:27.240 And it just struck me that
00:02:28.680 how could a man move past step one
00:02:31.760 of claiming you as his own,
00:02:34.400 but then be ready to make a decision together
00:02:37.140 to have a child.
00:02:38.260 So it was out of order and backwards.
00:02:40.620 So moving forward so that you don't repeat that,
00:02:44.040 just keep those two things in mind
00:02:45.500 when you're dealing with men.
00:02:47.000 Thank you.
00:02:47.600 You're welcome.
00:02:48.440 Maggie is just, Maggie is just.
00:02:50.820 Maggie is just the cloud, the sun,
00:02:54.300 the star, the moon.
00:02:55.580 What are you cooking, Maggie?
00:02:57.940 Today I made French toast.
00:03:00.180 I made mac and cheese.
00:03:02.360 I made fried apples.
00:03:05.560 Fried apples, yeah, a la mode.
00:03:07.280 I've been cooking a lot, but I enjoy it.
00:03:09.560 She's just cooking love. 0.99
00:03:11.060 That's what Maggie is. 0.95
00:03:12.920 I want problems.
00:03:14.500 Oh, okay, sorry.
00:03:15.360 Yes, I'm here for problems, bruv, yeah.
00:03:17.660 Anyway, so what do you think about it?
00:03:19.800 How does race affect dating?
00:03:21.840 I believe it affects it highly.
00:03:24.580 It really does.
00:03:25.400 Go on.
00:03:25.580 So even within the same race, 0.62
00:03:28.340 so me going towards a black man,
00:03:30.740 as a black woman myself,
00:03:33.100 some black men have a perception on dark-skinned women.
00:03:36.540 What's that perception?
00:03:37.640 That she may be, she may have attitude,
00:03:40.760 she may be loud, she may be abrupt, 0.99
00:03:42.440 she may be irrational.
00:03:45.620 So I feel like it does matter.
00:03:47.600 You have to make sure that when you are going with someone,
00:03:51.600 you know, that everything's on the same spectrum.
00:03:53.820 They understand you as a person.
00:03:55.860 They understand your culture, your background,
00:03:58.440 and they respect it.
00:04:00.820 Where do you think that stereotype comes from?
00:04:03.160 Oh, gosh, where does it come from?
00:04:06.000 Is it a difficult question, do you think?
00:04:08.420 I feel like sometimes it comes from being personal.
00:04:12.040 I would say sometimes it comes from my mothers
00:04:13.700 because some of us are raised by women who are still angry.
00:04:18.260 Some of us are raised by women who don't necessarily like men.
00:04:23.740 Me, myself, I don't personally feel like I was raised to be a wife
00:04:26.840 because I was raised by a single black mother
00:04:29.460 who is also a lesbian, who is also a feminist. 1.00
00:04:32.960 So it's a wide spectrum of women. 1.00
00:04:35.660 So what do you think your mum has raised you up to be,
00:04:39.560 if not like a traditional woman,
00:04:41.100 and what she raised you up to be then?
00:04:42.500 She's raised me up to be an independent, strong black woman
00:04:45.360 who stands up for herself and goes for what she wants
00:04:49.700 and makes sure she can have money 1.00
00:04:51.920 and she can do what she can do.
00:04:54.000 Oh, my God, make sense.
00:04:54.880 She can do everything for herself, basically,
00:04:57.220 because she didn't have a man to help her.
00:05:00.080 So she's raised me to be the woman who is a go-getter.
00:05:02.660 Do you think that was wise to do that?
00:05:07.920 I feel like it has its pros and it has its cons.
00:05:11.400 So I would say it's wise because of the woman I am now.
00:05:14.240 I know that I'm motivated.
00:05:16.880 I'm successful in my own right and I'm going to be even more successful.
00:05:21.220 I've got money in the bank.
00:05:22.540 I can afford certain things that maybe some men that I even go for 0.99
00:05:25.820 might not even be able to afford.
00:05:27.480 So I feel like, yeah, in some senses, yeah.
00:05:31.800 In the other sense, perhaps not because of how I have looked at men growing up.
00:05:38.760 I personally don't think I've always respected men
00:05:41.180 because I didn't always respect my dad
00:05:42.620 because he wasn't there in my life
00:05:44.720 and he wasn't the man I wanted him to be.
00:05:46.760 But as I got older, I had to realise, okay,
00:05:49.220 my dad's never going to be the man I want him to be.
00:05:51.320 I have to accept him for who he is
00:05:53.740 and appreciate my mum's siblings, for example.
00:05:56.660 My mum's got loads of brothers
00:05:57.600 and they are the role models in my life.
00:05:59.680 So I feel like it took me a long time
00:06:03.120 to get to a point where I was like, okay, yeah,
00:06:05.980 I can respect a man.
00:06:07.760 Because before that, they were just accessible items.
00:06:13.580 Did you look at men as like, you know,
00:06:15.340 they're just there to be used kind of thing?
00:06:16.940 I wouldn't say to be used,
00:06:20.340 but I just would say that I didn't have respect for them
00:06:24.380 if they told me to do something or they had an opinion.
00:06:27.200 Like delete your Instagram pictures.
00:06:28.660 Yeah, exactly.
00:06:30.120 I would have been like what I said.
00:06:31.740 I would have been like, no, honey, no.
00:06:34.040 But now listening to what everybody said,
00:06:36.100 do you know what, I've taken a few points
00:06:37.300 and I really understand the importance of a real man.
00:06:41.840 If this is a quality man in my face,
00:06:43.940 by all means, honey, I'm going to take it down.
00:06:49.000 Okay, okay.
00:06:49.740 Wow.
00:06:50.820 I've learned a lot.
00:06:52.340 Also, Ryan, you're just sweating us growth.
00:06:54.080 It's in an hour, that's it.
00:06:55.180 Can I ask the question?
00:06:55.760 No, I respect you.
00:06:57.080 Go, go, go, go.
00:06:58.420 Just real quick,
00:06:59.620 because I think we kind of started at this question
00:07:02.840 from a race perspective.
00:07:06.000 And the things that she mentioned,
00:07:07.820 I think is important
00:07:09.000 because who you were raised by,
00:07:13.300 the environment that you were raised by,
00:07:16.240 is probably going to determine
00:07:17.520 the way that you're going to conduct yourself.
00:07:20.060 Absolutely.
00:07:20.800 And I just think it's so interesting
00:07:22.640 that when we talked about
00:07:24.480 or asked her regarding difficulty within race,
00:07:27.760 she immediately jumped towards,
00:07:29.920 like because of her skin color 1.00
00:07:31.400 or maybe perhaps her race
00:07:33.000 that she's maybe seen as combative,
00:07:34.560 but then describes an environment
00:07:37.080 where it seems as though
00:07:39.360 you were taught to be combative to a man.
00:07:44.080 And then you said recently,
00:07:45.340 you've come up to the idea
00:07:46.880 and the understanding of the importance of men.
00:07:49.900 So I just want to ask,
00:07:51.480 and I think that it's very important,
00:07:52.700 especially for the women that are watching, 1.00
00:07:54.480 what are the things that you have done
00:07:56.040 in order to relinquish the spirit of your mother
00:07:58.880 and the environment that you were raised in
00:08:01.460 to know, love, and understand men
00:08:03.320 going into the future?
00:08:06.980 I read a lot of books, number one,
00:08:09.200 but I would say forgiveness.
00:08:11.360 I chose to forgive myself
00:08:14.460 for wanting my dad to be the man
00:08:18.280 that he's never going to be for so long.
00:08:19.960 I chose to forgive my mother
00:08:21.580 for not allowing my dad to be in my life,
00:08:25.880 even if he did want to try.
00:08:28.080 And that was what it was.
00:08:30.080 It was forgiveness.
00:08:30.940 That's what I chose.
00:08:31.720 I chose forgiving myself and forgiving my mother
00:08:33.940 and forgiving my dad
00:08:35.000 because ultimately I would just be an angry person
00:08:37.960 with nowhere to direct my anger
00:08:39.640 because certain questions are not going to get answered.
00:08:43.020 So forgiveness was the key for me.
00:08:45.860 Do you sort of feel like you need to take an accelerated course, right?
00:08:48.780 Like if your end goal inevitably is to be with a man
00:08:52.500 and you're already starting years behind,
00:08:55.560 I think you said you're like 28 years old, right?
00:08:57.320 27.
00:08:58.100 27.
00:08:59.100 So forgiveness is one thing.
00:09:00.420 Is there anything else that you maybe want to let the audience know
00:09:03.640 as far as making acceleration?
00:09:05.480 And I say this because being at 28
00:09:08.640 and then still having to relinquish,
00:09:10.280 because even still, you know, this is words.
00:09:12.120 You're just saying that, you know,
00:09:13.500 I mean, you know how to treat a man now, 0.94
00:09:14.560 but we really don't know until we put you in front of a man
00:09:16.940 and he asks you certain questions.
00:09:18.340 I mean, even the thing about Instagram,
00:09:19.680 it sounds like there's a degree of combat when it comes to that, right?
00:09:23.480 So I guess is there anything else that you have done
00:09:25.260 to try to accelerate
00:09:26.200 because you're starting farther behind
00:09:28.220 than women that are becoming 18 right now
00:09:30.540 that didn't have that type of mindset
00:09:32.880 and maybe grew up like a Melanie's mindset,
00:09:34.660 which was a wife's mindset? 1.00
00:09:36.500 Because right now you're competing with women 1.00
00:09:38.800 10 years younger than you.
00:09:40.260 Well, do you know what?
00:09:42.460 I did therapy and I'm still in it.
00:09:44.260 That is one thing that I would say has helped me majorly.
00:09:47.560 And I've also got a mentor,
00:09:48.980 it was an older woman who guides me majorly. 0.99
00:09:53.040 And exercise.
00:09:55.160 I know that sounds wild,
00:09:56.400 but meditation, exercise and therapy is the key.
00:09:59.880 That is what has helped me majorly.
00:10:02.720 I'm just speaking to a lot of men as well,
00:10:04.660 not in any, you know, non-sexually,
00:10:06.920 but I'm speaking to a lot of older men
00:10:08.540 to understand their minds.
00:10:09.680 And I'm speaking to my granddad,
00:10:11.460 I'm speaking to my uncles and my brothers
00:10:13.780 and trying to understand their perspective of women
00:10:16.860 and all the questions that I didn't necessarily ask
00:10:20.280 because I didn't have respect for men,
00:10:21.700 I'm now asking because I have, you know,
00:10:24.680 my ego's gone, if that makes sense.
00:10:27.200 As many of you know, I was just banned on TikTok
00:10:30.120 and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform.
00:10:34.560 If you want to help,
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