JustPearlyThings - Modern Endured Abuse To Save Her Marriage

00:00:00.000 Do you think I do think people should try to work out cheating though?

00:00:02.600 Like I like I think like it's about the kids. It's not about you. You should try to work it out

00:00:09.180 No offense people watching this but like

00:00:11.560 My mom and dad got divorced I when I was four and it was because my dad cheated on her and I don't think anyone should

00:00:17.400 You know, I think cheating. I don't inherently think cheating is a good thing

00:00:20.500 But I think I sometimes wonder what would my life have looked like had they been together

00:00:25.340 I wonder that every day. How would I have been? You know, I'm I'm I'm grateful I know I am the way I am now

00:00:30.000 but I'm just saying like I know there's a lot of girls out there who have

00:00:33.940 Dysfunctional families and don't have a father mother that are together and I've seen people with who have their mother and father together

00:00:38.920 And they're very different people the way they approach themselves the way they talk to people the way they react to situations

00:00:44.940 They're just different people and I think that's beautiful

00:00:46.940 And so like that's even like a reason like I want I wish more people more women and men would see oh

00:00:51.760 I want to have a healthy family. I want to break the generational trauma

00:00:55.280 The generational disrupt, you know, the generational problems. Do you ever wish you stayed?

00:01:01.700 Absolutely. Really? Yeah. Well, I wish we could have worked it out. Mm-hmm. Absolutely. So what what made you guys get divorced?

00:01:08.040 If you don't mind me asking

00:01:09.680 Well, I I came to him and I gave him the very clear parameters. I was like, listen, I figured this is happening

00:01:16.120 It's not deniable. We can't deny this is happening. So let's just save our marriage and save our life

00:01:21.140 We have a great life. Mm-hmm. And so I said, you know, I need these three things to happen and not only did they not happen

00:01:26.520 But it got much much worse and then it got dangerous and they got violent and then it got scary

00:01:30.360 And then I you know, then I just felt like I didn't have a choice because things got so violent dangerous and scary

00:01:36.740 So we weren't directly to cause a cheat ending

00:01:40.020 Well, no initially I

00:01:42.020 It started off that way because there's just so much lies and deceit and can I trust this person and then but I really really wanted to

00:01:48.480 To make it work. I was like, why don't we will just have an open marriage, which I knew would probably kill me inside

00:01:53.100 But I was like, yeah, I even offered it, you know, I was like, let's really really really wanted it

00:01:57.360 I even gave him a contract for a second child

00:01:59.040 I said you don't even have to pay for the child

00:02:01.080 Like I just I really wanted the marriage to stay together, but I just got scared

00:02:05.380 So if it was just strictly cheating, do you think it would have worked out and it would have been all right? No

00:02:11.200 Well, I needed certain things to change. I needed some securities that weren't that weren't that weren't there

00:02:17.040 Because I think always what do you mean securities do you mind saying or no? Well when I

00:02:21.040 Found out that he was cheating. I also looked into like our life a little bit more deeply and I realized that absolutely nothing was in my name

00:02:28.480 I had nothing and I was like, oh my gosh

00:02:31.200 I'm in a really vulnerable position here because I never even thought about it

00:02:35.440 And so then I was like, listen, I need to have some stake in our lives

00:02:40.000 Yeah, and it was a protection protective mechanism clearly and he was like, no

00:02:44.720 No, no way

00:02:46.720 Can I ask a question?

00:02:48.160 So did you did you put yourself in that situation where you wanted to make it work?

00:02:53.200 Because for Penelope for sure only or because you loved him so dearly

00:02:57.360 Also, I still love him today and watch you right now. I mean, I was hoping he would come to London yesterday and have lunch with us

00:03:02.880 I mean, is he still single?

00:03:05.280 Yeah, he's in a situation ship

00:03:07.280 He's in a situation ship

00:03:09.280 Okay, so not a real relationship

00:03:11.280 Would you ever get back with him?

00:03:13.280 If I mean, I would consider it Penelope thinks I'm crazy, but I talk about it all the time

00:03:17.280 My dad would never get back with her

00:03:19.280 Why?

00:03:21.280 I know you said you would you would you're doing it for Penelope and I understand that absolutely you can do anything to keep

00:03:34.000 I think people would do anything for their children, but

00:03:38.080 Don't you think that you should love yourself more instead of after what he's done?

00:03:42.160 And I feel like you can you deserve better and you don't deserve to be treated like that

00:03:45.120 Horrified what being a single parent was going to look like and it was crazy because I had a single mom

00:03:51.600 So I should have known better

00:03:53.600 But honestly, I think it's modern day child abuse

00:03:57.200 It is and I watched and I watched her in my I watched her growing up

00:04:01.200 Struggle so much as one person to do all the work at home like just one person no support

00:04:06.560 I mean, it was so hard for you like you were I remember the nights you were like crying and it also struck a

00:04:11.680 A strong heart in my and for me. It was like I never want to have that and I will do any

00:04:17.760 Anything and everything my power to never create that for my future family because that is so it was so painful

00:04:23.200 I don't wish that pain on

00:04:25.920 You're staying then

00:04:28.000 Yeah, took because if I have a family I made up I make a vow I make a vow

00:04:32.800 I make a vow to to God to higher power that I will stick with this person for the rest of my life

00:04:37.680 Of course, I thought that I did that with your father, too

00:04:40.000 But you know it happened, but I can never make up for that for you not having a dad

00:04:43.440 And there was a spiritual this like there was a spiritual disconnection there

00:04:48.000 Well, our values were different. I thought we were in a monogamous relationship, but I you know found out otherwise and maybe it was a phase

00:04:54.880 I don't know. Maybe you can't change people. I don't know, but you know, it's sad

00:04:58.880 I mean guys he still admits this day

00:05:00.640 He regrets what he did

00:05:01.760 He wished he didn't do what he did and he and he and he wishes he could have changed certain things

00:05:05.760 So he's not like doesn't have any remorse. I just feel like

00:05:10.000 Majority not all majority of men do at some point in their life will cheat

00:05:15.440 In a relationship, they will and if every woman leaves a man for cheating 1.00

00:05:19.520 Then you have all these you know motherless and fatherless families

00:05:22.960 But I think that's the thing we're never like we're never

00:05:26.240 As women we're never told like how men are naturally and like men just want to screw everything

00:05:30.880 So it's like we've kind of been told that if we get cheated on it's the worst thing ever and it can't be worked through

00:05:36.240 Is that because the man isn't in the house?

00:05:38.720 There's a lot of fatherless women 1.00

00:05:40.720 So I think that most of I think that most of society's problem really like come back to single mother homes to be honest 1.00

00:05:46.880 Like if you look at the prison population, it's like 80% single mother homes if you look at

00:05:51.680 Youth suicides, you're way more likely to be abused as a child

00:05:55.200 You're way more like every big I spoke to a homeless 1.00

00:05:59.840 Shelter director down the street and I said why why like are these people homeless like because he has like the worst type of homeless

00:06:06.320 Which is like the street sleepers because there's different like levels people living in cars. There's whatever and he told me that

00:06:13.440 he that most of these

00:06:16.080 people

00:06:17.360 Came from single mother homes, especially with like multiple baby daddies or like whatever and they the kids that got ended up getting taken and like

00:06:24.880 Put in the system and they've never they don't know any sense of stability or function

00:06:29.440 um

00:06:29.840 And so if you look at all the like major issues in society a lot are linked to single mother homes and single father homes don't have the same outcomes 0.89

00:06:36.800 It's not as bad if you're seeing a lot of if you grow up in a single household

00:06:40.800 Or you see a breakup then in your head

00:06:44.080 It might seem like right like what you're saying with your mom you can

00:06:47.360 You can do this because your mom will grow up in a single home. So you might see it as

00:06:51.200 I this is something it's not easy, but it's something I can do and then when only when you go through it

00:06:56.080 You realize that right this is mad

00:06:57.840 But if we have a lot more family units in the house and working at things then the children get to see like, okay

00:07:05.440 My mom and dad went through this but they managed to go through this route to to help and because i've been through

00:07:12.240 In a relationship where i've gone therapy and i've gone places to to fix things you get on saying and even when you talk about therapy earlier

00:07:18.640 I don't think therapy is there to fix things. It's just there to for you to it is help

00:07:23.120 No, not not. I don't think therapy is there to fix

00:07:25.600 I think it's there to help you understand triggers and understand certain things for you to maneuver

00:07:31.200 It can never hit therapy can never fix nothing

00:07:34.720 Honestly to be very honest with you after going to therapy for eight years, maybe 12. Yeah, I don't believe in therapy

00:07:41.200 I had other ways to fix your problems and you can also just really get over yourself

00:07:44.960 Honestly, I just decided to get over myself and that's basically how I think well

00:07:48.640 I think i think that therapy like it's outsourcing families

00:07:52.880 Because like usually you would go to your siblings or you go to because

00:07:56.720 Your mother is going to have a completely different take like if you're let's say if you're in an argument with your boyfriend 1.00

00:08:01.600 She's gonna have a completely different take on the situation because she knows you and she knows your positive and your negative traits

00:08:08.080 So it's like if i tell my mom like oh this person reacted to me this way mom's gonna be like well

00:08:13.680 Maybe you did this

00:08:17.520 People are scared of that real truth

00:08:19.360 No, I just think that the therapist doesn't have that information they didn't grow up with you

00:08:23.280 But like you who knows your daughter better than you

00:08:25.360 But that's what i'm saying she might be she might be scared to go to her mom because she's gonna get that harsh reality

00:08:29.680 And sometimes people don't want the harsh reality you know what i'm saying

00:08:32.240 No, I love it. She raised me that way though

00:08:34.240 Yeah, like the way you're the way people raise their children dictates also relationships

00:08:38.320 A hundred percent how people react and so she raised me giving me the hard truth since I was little and I hated it 0.98

00:08:42.880 I mean, I would scream at you and crap 0.98

00:08:44.400 I used to hate her with that's what i'm saying you hate you no one likes 0.99

00:08:48.480 I used to hate her but now 0.88

00:08:49.680 I love her and I give her like all the props to be honest with me when I didn't want to hear it

00:08:54.160 She told me I was fat

00:08:55.120 She's like you need to get up and go work out like she reminded me of that every day

00:09:00.400 That's so funny

00:09:01.120 I used to get mad at my mom. I wasn't I wasn't that big but I was like a pretty pretty chunky

00:09:05.600 And my mom would always be like on me because I was just this die-hard like tomboy

00:09:09.920 And I just didn't want to like look

00:09:12.160 And I still struggle with it to this day, but i'm like, oh my god

00:09:14.800 I would be so much worse if my mom wasn't like on me all the time because when you're a kid 1.00

00:09:19.200 You're just like mom like I don't want to

00:09:21.840 And she's like this she has her master's nutrition 0.90

00:09:24.000 She's trained thousands of people

00:09:25.280 I'm like, I don't want you to tell me what to eat

00:09:27.440 Like I don't want you to tell me how to live how to work out 0.65

00:09:29.440 But I would sit in my room like obese fat, you know crying

00:09:32.960 I was depressed in my dark room all day and she'd be like open the curtains and rip the curtains open 1.00

00:09:39.840 No, you know, i'm gonna take your phone away

00:09:42.240 And I was like it was like really intense

00:09:44.560 But those are the kind of parents that you need

00:09:46.320 But I needed that because this world is cruel and i've been through some bad things and and having that her mentality that she raised me with

00:09:53.200 Being honest and saying penelope you need to get up. No penelope. This is not true

00:09:56.560 You know men there are men and women like these are important things

00:09:58.880 She taught me it's kind

JustPearlyThings - October 26, 2023

Modern Endured Abuse To Save Her Marriage

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