JustPearlyThings - Modern Mothers Ruin Their Children

00:00:00.000 All right.

00:00:25.040 Hello, everybody.

00:00:27.280 Let's see if this is working.

00:00:30.000 Okay.

00:00:31.000 Let's see.

00:00:34.000 Here we got.

00:00:39.000 Okay, it looks like it's working on here.

00:00:42.000 Let's go to the network.

00:00:45.000 Okay, it looks like the network is going.

00:00:57.280 Okay, those are the two most important.

00:01:02.280 Let me put in my head bones.

00:01:06.280 Let me do one more thing.

00:01:07.280 I'll be back.

00:01:08.280 Okay.

00:01:09.280 Okay.

00:01:11.280 Okay.

00:01:13.280 Let me go.

00:01:14.280 Let me go.

00:01:15.280 Let me go.

00:01:16.280 Let me go.

00:01:17.280 Let me go.

00:01:19.280 Okay.

00:01:20.280 Okay.

00:01:22.280 Here we go.

00:01:24.280 Okay.

00:01:26.280 Oh, is the song not playing?

00:01:56.280 Oh, I thought the song was playing.

00:02:02.740 Oh, I wanted you guys to listen to my mixtape.

00:02:07.000 No.

00:02:10.360 Okay, I'll play it.

00:02:12.180 I'm going to play it anyway.

00:02:16.660 Okay.

00:02:20.800 I have one more thing I got to do.

00:02:22.620 Sorry.

00:02:22.800 I've been shaking every day since I had to leave.

00:02:27.840 It's not what I wanted, but you're no good for me.

00:02:33.560 But it's you I am.

00:02:35.940 And I'm missing you.

00:02:37.900 And I find myself calling you.

00:02:43.940 Saying, babe, come over.

00:02:46.020 Let's do this over.

00:02:47.460 Come beat my shoulder to cry on.

00:02:50.500 Life really ain't been the same since you've been gone.

00:02:54.860 Cause you're addictive.

00:02:57.140 Side effects include missing you.

00:03:00.740 Loss of appetite.

00:03:02.920 Sleepless nights and trust issues.

00:03:07.080 You're high risk.

00:03:09.100 I'm a love addict.

00:03:11.160 I'm a love addict.

00:03:12.280 This feeling is fatal.

00:03:15.480 Mentally unstable.

00:03:18.020 You should have come.

00:03:20.720 With a warning label.

00:03:23.660 You should have come.

00:03:26.420 With a warning label.

00:03:29.500 You should have come.

00:03:32.020 With a warning label.

00:03:35.200 You should have come.

00:03:37.700 With a warning label.

00:03:40.600 You're in bed with someone else.

00:03:43.860 Saying you miss me.

00:03:46.940 And I'm crying on the bathroom floor.

00:03:49.660 Wishing I didn't leave.

00:03:52.600 This love is expired.

00:03:54.880 But I still desire a refill.

00:04:00.020 A refill.

00:04:02.460 Cause you're addictive.

00:04:04.980 Side effects include missing you.

00:04:08.620 Loss of appetite.

00:04:10.600 Sleepless nights and trust issues.

00:04:14.580 You're high risk.

00:04:17.260 I'm a love addict.

00:04:20.120 This feeling is fatal.

00:04:23.260 Mentally unstable.

00:04:25.900 You should have come.

00:04:28.520 With a warning label.

00:04:31.380 You should have come.

00:04:33.900 With a warning label.

00:04:37.300 You should have come.

00:04:38.640 With a warning label.

00:04:42.680 You should have come.

00:04:45.520 With a warning label.

00:04:48.360 Alright now I ain't been addicted like this since I was alone and broke.

00:04:51.840 And had a woman holding me down like she was my only hope.

00:04:54.720 Like how we do in difficult times ensue.

00:04:56.600 We can only cope.

00:04:57.520 To say this was my lifeline.

00:04:58.740 I'm tugging on that's a lonely rope.

00:05:00.340 Addictive like Kalana.

00:05:01.500 Praying, asking has got a thing.

00:05:03.180 When taking L's with women.

00:05:04.180 And so Rolo tells me that's not a win.

00:05:05.860 Now maybe there's a path that we walk in passing.

00:05:08.140 Withholding passion.

00:05:09.020 Frightened of addiction to one another.

00:05:10.820 Withhold attraction.

00:05:11.740 You don't let yourself fall.

00:05:12.880 You fight your feelings like Southpaw.

00:05:14.400 When even the words we share with each other don't ever sound wrong.

00:05:17.180 And maybe repeat the cycle.

00:05:18.520 Like this ain't my only feature.

00:05:19.920 Recovery time in meetings.

00:05:21.260 Don't make me the only speaker.

00:05:22.640 Put my best foot forward.

00:05:23.920 Always gave you my best first.

00:05:25.400 You could be the reason I'm forever buried in step work.

00:05:28.140 And that's a risk I'm down to take.

00:05:29.600 Cause I've taken it many times.

00:05:31.000 You could read me this warning label is fatal for either side.

00:05:33.940 Is that a sucker?

00:05:34.600 It's been three years now and I'm married with a diamond ring.

00:05:39.900 You're with some random girl but still in love with me.

00:05:45.500 I won't admit it but I see you in my dreams.

00:05:51.500 I wonder are you the one who's supposed to be next to me?

00:05:55.720 You should have come with a warning label.

00:06:01.800 You should have come with a warning label.

00:06:07.660 You should have come with a warning label.

00:06:13.320 You should have come with a warning label.

00:06:18.860 Do you know what? I actually don't need auto-tune. I filmed this like a couple of years ago. My voice

00:06:29.340 wasn't as good then. I think I'm going to re-record it. Okay, King Minor, that music stinks.

00:06:36.320 Okay, then why are you here? Log. Log off. Okay. Hello, guys. Welcome to another episode of Pearl

00:06:44.480 Daily. I am your host, Pearl. And I have three more days till my producer comes back. And I am

00:06:50.780 not stranded out here. As you guys know, I am self-producing. So please, to God, bear with me.

00:06:56.380 Please, God. Obviously, I can't do everything. And I am very limited on my tech knowledge. So

00:07:02.960 that's why we got these little, you know, intro things, issues at times. So thank you guys all

00:07:10.720 for bearing with me. But if you do want to support me, and you guys want to meet smart,

00:07:15.020 intelligent men that are not famous, go to theaudacitynetwork.com. That's theaudacitynetwork.com

00:07:21.220 and sign up for our monthly or yearly membership. Friday, I'm raising these prices. This is going to

00:07:28.560 be a very expensive program, because you're going to get direct access to the smart, intelligent men

00:07:33.840 in my network that I have met over the past five years. And I found that personally, the most

00:07:40.200 intelligent people I know are not famous. And so they're going to give presentations on different

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00:07:58.100 well. And yeah, so the price is going to go up Friday. But if you are one of the first thousand

00:08:05.420 people that sign up this week, I will keep you guys in it for life. So for life, I'm keeping an

00:08:11.440 Excel sheet of your emails. And so if you ever leave, I'll have that Excel sheet. All you got to do is

00:08:17.600 show me, email me from that email. And for life, you'll be in my program for 10 bucks a month, a hundred

00:08:25.200 a year. That's it. That is it. Okay, so today we're going to talk about mothers. Now, the one thing that

00:08:34.780 I get annoyed with is that, you know, women still control the narrative in mainstream media

00:08:42.740 when it comes to many things in society. And the idea is that everything is the man's fault and it

00:08:48.400 comes from this trend. It's the men's fault for the divorce because the women aren't happy. You men

00:08:53.080 are solely responsible for making a woman happy. It's men's fault for single mothers because men don't

00:08:59.220 stay. And when it comes to parenting, the narrative has created the myth that fathers are not needed and

00:09:05.360 that mothers are superior to parents, superior parents to fathers because they're women. This

00:09:11.720 has put all of the accountability for childhood trauma on fathers while letting mothers get away

00:09:16.380 with everything. Everything. Professionals and influencers always talk about daddy issues and the

00:09:23.080 shortcomings of their fathers, but they never talk about the traumas that mothers inflict on their own

00:09:28.400 children. That is what we are going to talk about on today's show. Mother trauma. Mother trauma refers

00:09:35.000 to the psychological and emotional harm experienced by a child due to the mother's neglect or actions.

00:09:42.380 This can include a wide range of expressions such as physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, neglect,

00:09:49.440 abandonment, and witnessing domestic violence. Mother trauma can have the longest lasting effects on a

00:09:55.780 child that can include anxiety and depression, low self-esteem and insecurity, difficulty with

00:10:01.380 attachment and relationships, trust issues, problems with intimacy, substance abuse, and eating disorders.

00:10:07.560 These effects are only made worse by the mother's inability to take accountability for the harm that

00:10:12.220 they've done to their child. If the child asks any questions about how their mother treated them when they

00:10:17.420 got older, they will usually get gaslit and lied to. Mothers that haven't inflicted mother wounds on their

00:10:25.740 children will, number one, they'll deny it happened. You know, we have Casey Anthony on TikTok now. That woman

00:10:34.140 murdered her child and is denying that it happened. And this isn't unique to Casey Anthony.

00:10:42.200 Women do terrible things to their children. And when they get older and do, it's like they get offended

00:10:51.460 when you remember. It's like, mom, do you remember when you did that? And then they get mad at you like

00:10:58.100 you did it. They'll be unwilling to have a conversation about the trauma. They'll rewrite history and use

00:11:04.600 sigh language, shame, insult, guilt, and the need to be right. And what they'll do is they'll lie to save

00:11:10.860 their reputation to themselves, their children, and other members of the family. And any child that wakes up to

00:11:17.620 the mother's manipulation, the mother will make that kid's life a living hell. Mothers that inflict trauma on

00:11:25.300 their child reverse the nurturing contract between themselves and their children. In most circumstances, the

00:11:32.120 mother is supposed to be doing what is necessary to cultivate and reinforce the emotional development of a kid. In

00:11:39.000 cases of mother trauma, the child has to cultivate and reinforce the emotions of their mother. The child

00:11:45.340 must have endless praise on the mother from when they are young and far into adulthood. This leaves the

00:11:55.140 child emotionally and mentally stunted and unprepared for the world as an adult. I hope that one day in the

00:12:01.660 U.S. society judges mothers as harshly as they judge fathers. The mothers can do no wrong culture in

00:12:07.880 America really has got to stop. Giving mothers the benefit of the doubt in all circumstances really

00:12:13.680 needs to stop. She did the best she could, needs to stop. Mothers need to be held accountable for the

00:12:19.760 damage that they are doing to their children. So I'm going to read an article and it's 10 signs of a

00:12:25.840 narcissistic mother. Moms are support. Oh no, it's a video. One second, guys. I'm going to play my

00:12:31.920 mixtape again, whether you like it or not, while I get up. Unless this, my iPad isn't working recently,

00:12:39.040 so I haven't been able to flip the camera. It is what it is. Give me a second. We're gonna.

00:12:46.940 And leave. This love is expired. But I still desire a refill. A refill. Cause you're addictive.

00:13:03.200 Side effects include missing you. Loss of appetite. Sleepless nights and trust issues.

00:13:12.360 Use your high risk. I'm a love addict. This feeling is fatal mental.

00:13:24.740 Okay. Now we're gonna. Here we go. Friday, guys. My producer is back. I'm so excited.

00:13:33.740 Dear God, I have done the best I can, but I am not meant for this tech stuff. I'm really not.

00:13:42.360 You're supposed to be supportive and nurturing. But what happens when the very woman that should

00:13:47.500 be your number one fan is actually your number one adversary? And if you're like most people,

00:13:53.320 you slip into this confusing, guilt-ridden mess. And that's why in today's episode,

00:13:58.240 you're going to learn the 10 signs that your mother is a narcissist. And these are the signs that

00:14:03.940 every single one of my students has experienced, but just couldn't make sense of. But I want you to

00:14:09.440 please note that Christianity isn't about just slapping a love label on someone and ignoring

00:14:14.680 all the damage that they caused. And nor is our time together meant to be a mom bashing episode,

00:14:20.400 but rather I want you to allow God to bring to light what the enemy is trying to keep in darkness.

00:14:26.140 So in doing so, you can now have an accurate assessment of your situation and honor God in

00:14:32.040 your interactions. So let's dive into the 10 signs. And I'm really curious to hear what you think

00:14:37.680 about number 10. Number one, she sees you as an extension of her. Imagine how someone would feel

00:14:45.120 if they weren't allowed to have their own identity, weren't able to make their own choices without

00:14:49.720 upsetting someone. In my world, that leads to a codependent performance-driven mess. Narcissistic

00:14:57.620 mothers often live their life through their children. Maybe mom always wanted to be the popular

00:15:03.120 one. So she pushed you to always look pretty or she didn't finish college. So now you had to go on

00:15:10.540 to some prestigious school so she can have bragging rights. And most of us moms like to be proud of our

00:15:17.020 children's choices, but narcissistic moms take this to a toxic level. You're a reflection of her. So

00:15:24.500 therefore you must make choices based. Narcissistic mothers care more about their reputation than the

00:15:31.740 welfare of their kids. That's generally what it comes down to. Her preferences. Number two, she's

00:15:39.100 critical. Look, not all critical people are narcissists, but all narcissists are critical.

00:15:44.520 And she likely has something to say about everyone and everything. And in doing so,

00:15:49.200 positions herself as superior. And this can be through overtly criticizing someone or you for their

00:15:55.720 choices or passive aggressively making comments about someone else in an attempt to make sure to get

00:16:01.640 the message to you. But ironically, if you have any criticism or complaint about her, you will get met

00:16:08.520 with a toxic reaction as you are now creating a crack in her fragile facade. And number three, she has

00:16:16.040 toxic reactions. Look, we can all overreact or react poorly from time to time, but narcissistic mothers

00:16:22.380 will maintain this radioactivity as her MO. And you can likely predict that she will have a defensive

00:16:29.380 stonewalling victim-like reaction if you attempt to bring anything to her attention that she doesn't

00:16:35.280 want to hear. And narcissistic mothers cannot and will not look at themselves. So if you challenge her

00:16:41.520 delusion, the response will be radioactive. Nothing is ever her fault. And if you ever try to argue

00:16:48.960 otherwise, you will get met with the victim and martyr. Number four, she lacks empathy.

00:16:55.620 Narcissistic mothers will fake empathy with their sweet, high-pitched voices and their feigned

00:17:02.040 sincerity. It's all an act. When push comes to shove, she can't fake it anymore. She doesn't care about

00:17:10.660 what you're going through, especially if it inconveniences her or, worse, pertains to her. And some of

00:17:17.100 these moms have realized just how selfish they appear. So they will make excuses like, oh, if something's so

00:17:24.000 much more devastating to deal with and thereby making you the problem, because you don't now have

00:17:29.880 empathy for what she's going through. If you've struggled under the weight of a toxic mother and

00:17:37.080 want to break free to all that God has for you, I want to encourage you to check out my online course

00:17:42.900 called the Toxic Mother Survival Course. Or we also have another course called How to Heal from a Toxic Mother,

00:17:50.120 Restoring Your Life Through Faith. I will go ahead and include links in the description section below.

00:17:56.400 And number five, she doesn't respect your boundaries. Narcissistic mothers do not take no for an answer.

00:18:04.200 Your boundaries are perceived as a personal slight towards her. Because after all, I'm your mother.

00:18:10.580 Whether she's sharing your personal information to others or overriding your preferences,

00:18:14.420 she believes that you should cower to her commands. And since narcissistic mothers still view their

00:18:21.300 adult children as young children, they believe wholeheartedly that they have free reign over

00:18:27.780 your life and you... Yeah. You know, fathers will give kids the information and let the children make

00:18:36.900 their own mistakes. Mothers cannot let their kids fail. And if their kids fail, they are not concerned

00:18:46.980 about their kids failing. They're concerned about how it looks on them.

00:18:50.840 Who owe them? And here's where you're going to get met with a manipulative comment like,

00:18:57.320 you're supposed to honor and obey me. Or what kind of Christian treats their mother...

00:19:02.520 Oh! Oh, that, that one triggered me. You're supposed to honor me.

00:19:09.560 I'm sorry. I hate Christian women. They always do this.

00:19:14.280 This way. All of this is in an attempt to disregard your limits and shame you into feeling like a bad

00:19:21.860 person. Number six, she wears a mask. Narcissistic mothers have several facades that they try to

00:19:29.840 uphold. And this can be done easily for a short period in public, but get behind closed doors in

00:19:35.760 private and you're going to see that mask slip or fall off completely. Their public persona is in

00:19:43.680 stark contrast to their private one. And this is why it makes your skin crawl when you hear people say,

00:19:52.720 oh, your mother's so great. Oh, she's so sweet. And you think, ah, if you only knew.

00:20:01.880 And number seven, she believes that others are jealous of her. Mom having trouble keeping friends

00:20:07.980 long-term? No, I'm not talking about those equally toxic girls that she's been friends with since

00:20:12.720 college. I'm talking about a constant revolving door of people in and out of her life. Narcissists can't

00:20:19.720 have genuine connection with others. So when those people end up leaving, which they always do,

00:20:26.380 the narrative that sounds best in her mind is, oh, she was just jealous of me. That leads to number

00:20:33.060 eight. She's entitled and self-important. And this trait can be overt or covert. The overt will be a bit

00:20:40.980 more histrionic in her behavior, making overt displays to get attention. Maybe that's dancing

00:20:46.420 inappropriately at a party or bragging to anyone with an ear or treating people that she deems

00:20:52.300 inferior like trash. The covert narcissist may not be as obnoxious in her expressions, but make no

00:20:58.300 mistake, she will exude superiority over others. Especially watch for number 10. But first,

00:21:05.420 in number nine, she distorts reality, otherwise known as gaslighting. You can't have a healthy

00:21:11.620 conversation with a narcissistic mother because she is always telling you that you're remembering

00:21:16.560 things wrong. Whether she denies saying or doing something or just calls you too sensitive when you

00:21:21.840 try to raise an issue. Narcissistic mothers don't desire genuine connection. I know they say they do.

00:21:27.780 They desire admiration. And if you're questioning her challenges that, she will flip the script on you

00:21:34.780 faster than a fried cook flips hotcakes. And number 10, she has weird facial expressions. Okay, so this one

00:21:44.220 isn't so much proven, but in my experience, I've seen most narcissistic mothers with these almost

00:21:51.840 uncontrollable facial expressions that reveal their contempt for others. From eye rolls to snarky smirks

00:22:01.900 to eye flutters. Can't even do it if I tried. These are all signs of disdain and disapproval towards

00:22:11.340 others. They truly think that they are better than others, including you. Okay, so dare I ask,

00:22:18.400 how many signs have you seen so far? Let me know in the comments below. And did you know that growing up

00:22:24.980 with a narcissistic mother can actually lead to people pleasing? Where you're always saying yes and I'm

00:22:30.700 sorry? And if you want to know just how much this has impacted your life, I want to invite you to go

00:22:35.920 ahead and take our... Okay, let me switch the screen real quick.

00:22:40.920 Oh, dang it. It's another video. Hold on. Hold on, guys. Sorry.

00:23:09.940 Okay.

00:23:30.940 Okay.

00:23:31.000 Okay.

00:23:31.020 Hey, guys. I'm Dr. Kim Sage. I'm a licensed clinical psychologist.

00:24:00.520 And this next few series of videos are going to go a little further into what I like to call

00:24:06.980 mama trauma. What is mama trauma, you may ask? I believe it is really what happens to us when we

00:24:14.400 have parents and oftentimes our primary caregivers who really do struggle with disorders like borderline

00:24:22.080 narcissism, their own wounding or mental health issues, maybe, you know, trauma issues. But whatever

00:24:29.300 happens is that over time, it's not a one-time event. It's a chronic classic CPTSD dynamic where

00:24:36.980 there's chronic interpersonal trauma, often between you and your caregiver, which it may be an auntie

00:24:44.360 or grandmother, but it really is that mother role. And I'm going to make other videos on what I call

00:24:49.920 papa trauma, which is about trauma with our fathers. But I'm going to finish out this part with mama trauma.

00:24:55.060 So before I get started, though, I'm a clinical psychologist, and this channel really focuses on

00:25:00.560 attachment, relationships, childhood trauma. And there seems to be a real interest in terms of

00:25:07.320 understanding our primary caregivers and the wounds they can create in us as children, especially if they

00:25:13.800 are people who struggle with their own disorders. So that is what this whole series about mama trauma

00:25:19.640 we'll be exploring. Please feel free to click the bell. And that way, if you want to subscribe,

00:25:25.260 you'll get notified when I post new videos. Okay, so this video is really about the top seven signs,

00:25:33.200 you know, if we're talking about, do I have mama trauma? What does that really mean? There's a certain

00:25:38.620 sort of description of the way we engage with a parent who has chronic, you know, relationship issues,

00:25:46.340 being parents who are consistent and stable and available. No parent is perfect, as I literally

00:25:52.040 will keep saying, we all screw up sometimes. But these are parents who you can say hurtful things,

00:25:57.260 who can do hurtful things, who are unreliable. And I'm not talking about, like I said, in a certain

00:26:02.060 period of time where we all are struggling. But when you look back over your childhood, there's like a

00:26:06.920 certain way you would describe the relationship. And the odds are very good today, you're still in the

00:26:12.500 trauma bond with a parent like this. So if you're wondering, do I really have some mama trauma?

00:26:18.940 These to me are the signs. The first sign is that you would describe your parent, your mother,

00:26:24.420 your mother role as challenging, as crazy, as difficult, as unreasonable, as unpredictable.

00:26:31.520 And that would be a label you will use to describe the majority of the time with them. Now, not all of the

00:26:37.480 time with them. As I've said in the videos about borderline moms, with borderlines especially,

00:26:43.200 there can be more of that good love, that good relationship. And so it can feel confusing,

00:26:47.580 because it's not always bad. But when you step back and look at it, and you start to really

00:26:52.860 understand what healthy parenting looks like, you would describe it as sort of these, you know,

00:26:58.460 labels of, you know, crazy, unusual, intense, challenging, difficult, and things like that. So

00:27:04.340 your mom in general is not the easiest person for probably anyone to deal with. But it especially

00:27:10.480 was not easy for that relationship between the two of you. The next one is that you have a deep

00:27:16.040 core sense of not being good enough. And that is often driven by your perfectionism, being overly

00:27:23.320 critical. I think we all struggle with some degree of worthiness. I mean, it's just part of life and the

00:27:28.600 culture we live in. But if you had a parent who actually told you repeatedly that you weren't good

00:27:34.220 enough, that something was wrong with you, that you were a bad child, and they're still telling you

00:27:38.960 things like this, right? There's never been any change that might be a sign that there's some

00:27:43.900 trauma in there, especially as related to the worthiness and attachment security that can really

00:27:50.820 help us not feel so much that way. The next one, number three, is that her love hurts. Her love hurts

00:27:58.160 mentally or physically or emotionally. There's something about the love with her that has a deep

00:28:03.940 wound inside of it. It's not simple. It's not pure. It's not easy to express and understand. And so

00:28:10.620 there's a wound that exists. And the love with her, even if it can be really good at times, it can also

00:28:16.380 be deeply, deeply wounding. Number four is that you have some likely symptoms of CPTSD, especially as

00:28:24.740 your chronic trauma. Therapists just make up words. I, I, she's on to something, but damn. CPTSD.

00:28:33.160 Relates to the parenting relationship with your mother or mother caregiver. And that includes

00:28:39.520 everything I discussed in this video, from autoimmune and chronic health issues to mental health issues.

00:28:46.020 You know, it really does vary. There's a lot of things that can go into and manifest in CPTSD.

00:28:50.540 But if you think about the relationship and it's chronically difficult nature with your mother,

00:28:55.080 there's a chance you may have some mama trauma. And that really goes into the next one, which is you

00:28:59.720 may actually have physical and mental health symptoms that are ongoing, that are chronic.

00:29:05.260 Everything from these sort of disorders that we can't seem to get a hold of, that they require ongoing

00:29:11.060 treatment and that you tend to and or repeatedly go back to and struggle with, as well as, as I was saying,

00:29:17.160 what we might find in sort of typical stress-induced chronic medical and physiological health issues.

00:29:24.380 Number five is that if you had a mom who, for the most part, you've been embarrassed to tell other

00:29:29.960 people about the things that she did to you, that she said to you, that she did or said to your dad

00:29:34.580 or your siblings, there's just this sort of cringy, uncomfortable nature that you don't really want

00:29:39.800 to share. Because for the most part, you don't hear people saying things like that out loud.

00:29:44.080 And or you were embarrassed of the way that she talked to you and treated you, there's a chance

00:29:49.040 that because of her own difficulties and maybe lack of boundaries and her own inability to manage

00:29:53.640 herself, that the way she treated you that was also hurtful or embarrassing is something that you

00:29:59.740 don't want to share with people. And all of it, it just feels really uncomfortable to think about

00:30:04.240 telling someone else what your childhood with this parent was really, truly like.

00:30:09.220 And that's the thing, there's so, there's so many, like, when you talk about your father,

00:30:18.320 you can talk about his flaws and his strengths and the dads, I mean, they'll usually agree with you.

00:30:23.760 The mothers though, it's like, if you say anything, even remotely, that may piss them off. It is like

00:30:31.120 World War III. I also want to say thank you to the people that have signed up today.

00:30:37.620 We just had someone sign up to the website. I'm just gonna say, hold on. Okay, thank you to Ben.

00:30:44.640 Thank you. You got a yearly membership. Guys, we are so close to covering my producer's salary.

00:30:49.260 I might cry. I might cry if I, if we cover the, I have, I don't want to say how many people, but

00:31:00.100 if we cover all of the people, so everyone has job security at the company, I will just be very

00:31:05.920 excited that it'll be a good day. So thank you guys so much. I know, I know what it takes to support

00:31:12.060 like a YouTuber. Um, and I mean, it, it would take a lot for me to download a different app.

00:31:19.220 And, um, but I really see a future with this app, to be honest, I really do. Um, I want,

00:31:26.260 I want to create, I want to take all of the writers that have been like driven out of Hollywood and all

00:31:31.700 this me too stuff. I really want to bring back nineties humor and, um, yeah, thank you guys for

00:31:38.580 helping me. I couldn't do it. I seriously couldn't do it without you guys.

00:31:41.280 Six is that you never feel deeply and truly seen or heard or validated by her. Now this may be a

00:31:48.060 sort of narcissistic thing where, you know, as a result of her narcissism, you are an extension of

00:31:52.700 her. And so when you are achieving or when you're being good, you are the good child or the golden

00:31:58.540 child. And you know, when you're not, she rejects you. Or it just could be that at your core, you never

00:32:04.700 felt truly seen or heard by her. And then that kind of connects to all the other things around

00:32:09.780 embarrassment and, and wounds and name calling or whatever in that regard. Someone said my ex

00:32:14.960 girlfriend's narcissistic mother ruined her marriage to her college boyfriend was a major

00:32:19.300 factor in our splitting up. She's 67 and her daughter's 25. At the core, you really feel like

00:32:26.600 there's this wide disconnect between her seeing you and loving you and accepting you for who you are,

00:32:32.080 even if there are differences. And the last one would be that you have an intense love-hate

00:32:38.680 relationship. Now I think the love-hate can often align really well with borderline and splitting,

00:32:43.760 as I keep saying. You do get some good love, but it's also true with many other parents who have

00:32:48.800 narcissism and things like that. For the most part, unless they're on the extreme end, it's not all bad

00:32:54.640 all of the time. Though I know that it can be. You can have good vacations with some parents who you

00:33:00.000 don't have a good relationship with. You can have some moments where it was good, but the vast majority

00:33:05.420 of the time you feel these intense emotions towards them. And the way you really know is if you've said

00:33:10.840 things like, I hate my mom, I hate her, and you're like a grown adult, right? We're not talking about

00:33:16.780 you're a teenager and your parents are driving you crazy and you're trying to, you know, become

00:33:22.660 independent. This is a full-on, you know, thing where obviously you wouldn't want to say out loud to many

00:33:28.080 people, but you do have this deep love or deep hate and they often coexist. Okay. We're going to

00:33:35.280 move on to the next one. So this is a woman talking about her mother, not liking her felt like your own

00:33:47.160 mother doesn't like you. I'm going to explain to you why this is. So this is the competing mother,

00:33:54.820 the mother that competes with her daughter. Look for validation, acceptance, love from our mother.

00:34:03.340 And if your mother never received those things from her own mother. Yeah, this is another one.

00:34:12.580 Women's behavior is always explained, right? If men behave badly, it's never explained. And right now,

00:34:19.840 what she's going to do is she's going to say that the mom's behavior is because her mother did

00:34:25.400 something instead of her choices. She doesn't know what those things look like. When you're asking

00:34:31.520 someone to be a safe space for you, to take responsibility, to love you and be there for you

00:34:39.680 in a way that you need. If they themselves have never received that, you're like, you're like asking

00:34:46.280 them something in like a different language. They don't even know where to start. And we're going

00:34:50.900 to do a call in later. And the reason a lot of mothers don't like their children is because

00:34:57.580 they're mothers. They also can't take that their time in the sun is over. And they keep trying to

00:35:05.500 extend it. You know, now we have these old ladies and like movies and stuff. Didn't like them. And this

00:35:11.480 is a very difficult and real truth that is in the area of generational trauma. Because if your

00:35:19.320 grandmother was someone who herself, someone in the chat, if you guys want your chat spread,

00:35:26.900 you have to go to the website, you download the app when I'm live. And I do read the chats on here.

00:35:33.080 Steve likes the song. Thank you very much. Thank you, Joel. He says, I'm managing the studio. Okay.

00:35:40.300 Faisal said, women never forgive or forget, even though each and every one of us came out of one.

00:35:46.720 Anna says, can we gift a membership that can be given to someone at random in your audience?

00:35:51.660 I know you can gift a subscription if you look at the top.

00:35:58.200 I don't know if it can be given at random, but if you get someone's email, I think you can send it

00:36:02.980 to them. But, you know, thanks for asking, Anna. The mothers, all right. Mothers treat their

00:36:09.200 daughters the worst. The first person to call a young girl too fat, too skinny, dressed like a

00:36:13.540 slut. You look like your deadbeat dad. It's the mom. Had trauma. Herself didn't receive that safety,

00:36:21.120 love, validation, emotional support from her mother. She couldn't have given it to your mother.

00:36:26.900 So your mother ended up having a void within her that was never filled. And now that void is filled

00:36:32.760 with trauma, pain, and suffering that she doesn't even know how to look at if she hasn't self-reflected.

00:36:39.540 So how do you expect someone who has never received what it is you're asking for to give that to you?

00:36:46.520 The only person that could fulfill that void within you is yourself. You can't ask someone who's never

00:36:52.380 got love to love you because they don't even know what that looks like. You are the only one that can

00:36:58.060 fulfill that void within you and validate yourself. This mother, this woman has a transactional mother.

00:37:08.320 I have a transactional mother. She's not going to text me to see how my day is going or how I'm feeling.

00:37:13.840 She's not going to inquire about how business is going this week and whether or not I'm happy

00:37:18.600 in my role. She's going to hit me up because she needs something. She's going to text me and when I

00:37:25.040 open that text message, even though I may want to hear, I love you and I just wanted to say that I

00:37:29.660 miss you very much, it's going to be like, hey, can you buy this off of Amazon for me? Even though

00:37:34.180 I've showed her 10,000 times how to do it herself. She's not going to prioritize me when it comes to

00:37:39.000 holiday season because she has things to do and she values other things more than she values family

00:37:44.060 time. After all, she's a business owner. So holidays mean big money where she's at. So why would she take

00:37:52.020 off to spend Christmas and Thanksgiving with her only daughter? I have a transactional mother.

00:37:57.660 That's how she is. It's who she is. And I no longer look at the way she is as a reflection of who I am

00:38:04.300 because I have a lot of heartfelt connections with wonderful people who see me for who I am.

00:38:10.520 They don't see me as a butler or chat GPT. My mom treats me like I'm chat GPT. She comes to me with

00:38:17.320 questions and she expects answers. And God forbid I ever make a point that she doesn't connect

00:38:21.880 deeply enough with me. She's going to say, I don't know where I went wrong. I did everything

00:38:25.700 I could. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. She should have hired a butler, not had a daughter.

00:38:31.100 What's worse is I have a transactional mother that has a better relationship with my brother.

00:38:35.880 But I already made a TikTok about that. I'm not going into detail with that.

00:38:39.560 I'm making this video because I have 16 messages and I felt super overwhelmed just looking at it.

00:38:45.360 And then I reminded myself, I have a transactional mother. I can respond when I'm ready to.

00:38:49.780 If you can say that you have a transactional parent, I pray you have similar boundaries where

00:38:55.280 you realize I ain't got to respond right now. I'm not ready. I don't feel like it. I will come

00:39:01.320 to you when I'm ready. I hope you have a similar boundary. I hope you don't feel pressured to respond

00:39:06.580 right away. You are not chat GPT, babes. You are not chat GPT. Make sure no matter how transactional

00:39:13.220 your parent is, whenever you feel that guilt, you remind yourself that it's only because you're

00:39:18.100 familiar with having to respond in this way. They raised you in an environment of urgency when

00:39:24.320 they had a need because they selfishly wanted you to meet that need. Instead of realizing I don't have

00:39:30.200 everything I need to parent properly and I need to figure out a way to, you know, make up for this

00:39:36.220 and compensate for this, they made it your responsibility. And that's why a lot of us

00:39:39.980 became adults at early ages. I have a transactional parent. I know all about it.

00:39:44.340 If you need help creating some boundaries and processing some of the feelings you have around

00:39:48.940 having a transactional parent, hit me up. I have some slots available.

00:39:54.080 Okay. The mother is the victim in every story.

00:39:57.620 Well, you need to understand that your mother will always be the victim in the story between

00:40:01.660 both of y'all. So if you try to hold her accountable, if you try to tell her how she's

00:40:06.240 hurt you in the past because of maternal narcissism, because of her narcissism, she is always going to

00:40:11.300 be the victim in the story. Let me tell you why. Because of this perspective and because she has

00:40:16.080 the title of mother, she's always right. And she knows best because at the end of the day,

00:40:21.920 she's the mother. So when she is confronted with issues that she may have caused, she cannot see

00:40:27.600 past like how could she be the problem if she is a mother and she's always right and she did the best

00:40:33.900 she could. So this leads her to portray herself as the victim in the story between both of y'all

00:40:38.400 every single time. And it makes you look like the ungrateful child who was challenging a mother

00:40:44.860 who was only doing her best.

00:40:48.380 Yeah. Mothers always have victims.

00:40:52.980 Three things a narcissistic mother does that cause you trauma. One, behaving completely differently in

00:40:58.780 front of others compared to how she behaves in private towards... That's the thing. They'll have

00:41:03.420 like two personalities. Even people wondering why you're so unpleasant towards her and thinking

00:41:09.300 you're ungrateful. Number two, creating splits within the family by assigning roles to each of

00:41:15.280 the children. The golden child, the scapegoat, and the lost child. Number three, when something bad

00:41:21.340 happens to others, instead of offering support, all attention focuses on her and somehow the story

00:41:27.560 becomes her. Anna says, it's good to sort out your shit and improve yourself, but keep that process in

00:41:34.260 your head. We don't need the transactional diatribe on TikTok, ladies. Hey, don't listen to it. Don't

00:41:42.180 listen to Anna. I need these for my show. Anna, hush. Have you looked in the Jesse Lee Peterson videos

00:41:49.080 on this topic as well? A lot of callers report the same stuff when confronting their mothers.

00:41:53.820 I've seen a little bit, but you can feel free to send me stuff. We're going to do a call at the

00:41:59.640 end of the show. I don't love my mother. And whenever I make that statement, it ignites a ton

00:42:06.580 of people and a ton of judgment. She brought you into this world. You know, I owe her gratitude. I owe her

00:42:14.040 love. When the fact of the matter is she owed me safety and nurturing and love. This little girl

00:42:22.620 the only thing she ever experienced in connection to her mother, the only thing I ever experienced

00:42:30.780 in connection to my mother, this is the thing about anxiety boomer mothers to do terrible job,

00:42:37.100 did a terrible job as parents. And then they're mad at the kids because the kids don't like them.

00:42:43.000 And there's like whole articles about kids ghosting the parents, fear and absolute terror.

00:42:48.860 And that was the result of the emotional violence, the emotional abuse that she perpetrated against

00:42:58.060 me. So no, I don't love my mother because that's not what she grew between us. And I wish I did.

00:43:07.140 And I wish she had emotionally absent mother. I'm an emotionally absent mother. It means that I'm

00:43:18.600 insensitive or unaware of your emotional needs. I seem like I'm an involved parent. I'm at school

00:43:23.480 functions. I'm at your games, but I take very little interest in how you think or what you feel.

00:43:28.340 I don't really know how to comfort you when you're upset or how to see your perspective

00:43:31.480 about anything at all. That doesn't sound good. She said, that doesn't sound good.

00:43:37.660 Oh, I disconnected from my emotions years ago. I've been completely shut down. So anytime you're

00:43:42.620 upset, I get super uncomfortable and pretty much just ignore what's happening. It's my only coping

00:43:47.240 mechanism. Okay. So how will this impact me? Well, I'm not empathetic to anything you go through.

00:43:53.420 I'll just tell you to stop making a big deal out of things, or I might not even notice that you're

00:43:57.460 going through something at all. You'll notice my disconnection though, and you'll do all you can

00:44:01.700 to win my love, trying to be perfect and overachieving. You won't have the space to develop

00:44:06.220 a healthy sense of self. You won't know who you are. And at the same time, you'll feel conflicted

00:44:10.960 about me. You'll know how much I do and a sacrifice for you. And you'll be angry at me because you know

00:44:16.580 something is really missing here because you have this deep sense of loneliness, even when we're

00:44:21.040 together. That's funny. Okay. I'm going to put on an audacity network show while I go set up the zoom

00:44:31.560 link. This is another woman I, please. Ah, come on. Okay. Well, this is another woman I kicked out,

00:44:43.320 but I guess, I guess I'll put on a one from this because I can't log in while I'm on. I can't,

00:44:50.080 I can't switch the cameras. It just says what it is. Um, Pearl Davis pregame show. I'm sure there's

00:44:58.280 something on YouTube. Um, here we go. This full thing is on my website too. What up guys? Welcome

00:45:08.040 to the just pearly things, YouTube channel and welcome to the pregame. Okay. Before I start,

00:45:14.480 do not forget to subscribe to the channel and ring that notification bell that we are going to be

00:45:18.440 notified of my daily videos like the video on your way in. We have a special panel tonight,

00:45:24.320 but before we get to that, a couple announcements before we start the show. The first is that we

00:45:28.960 have two clips channels, just pearly clips and Pearl daily. Make sure you go subscribe to both of those

00:45:34.300 sign up for our membership tiers. Follow me on Instagram and thank you for 800 K and thank you for

00:45:40.600 a hundred episodes. All right, guys, let's take a quick second and hear from our channel sponsor

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00:47:10.280 of users trust virtual shield one every day. Remember supporting my sponsor helps support the

00:47:16.740 channel. Thank you guys again. Okay. So, um, why don't we go around and have everyone on the panel

00:47:22.680 introduce, introduce yourself, say your name, your age, your relationship status. Where are you from?

00:47:28.100 All right, guys. I just emailed myself the zoom link. I'm gonna have, uh, Doug is gonna call in

00:47:39.280 or we're gonna put in the chat. So if you guys have a mother's story, tell me about your mothers. And if

00:47:49.100 you come in to tell me your mother was an angel, this just isn't the show for that. Please stop.

00:47:54.240 You know what I mean? It's like, I hate it when someone comes in and it's like their life

00:47:58.900 mission to tell me. You guys have a mother's story. Wait, hold on. Their, their mother was

00:48:07.380 perfect. I'm like, okay. Uh, let me put this on the website too. I'm gonna put it over here.

00:48:13.840 Um, this computer sent it from this email. Um, okay. I put it in both. Yeah. So tell me your

00:48:36.880 mother's stories. What, what's been going on guys. One mother's story I realized was that pretty much

00:48:53.620 all women have been alienated from their dad. It's like universal. So I had one, I had one friend

00:48:59.540 growing up. The, the story was always that her dad was this evil monster, right? And she would,

00:49:08.720 he would get deployed for like nine months at a time. So that was the only story we had.

00:49:13.280 Turned out this hoe was cheating. Yeah.

00:49:18.740 Sounds about right. Yeah. She was cheating, you know? Hey Doug, how's it going? Do you got a

00:49:25.380 mother's story for me? Yeah. So if, um, anyone's been on any other live streams on my channel or

00:49:31.400 actually I, I told this on pro stand on multiple times, but I'll, I'll tell it again. So, um,

00:49:38.080 you know, I'll say it. This has nothing to do with Pearl. Everyone, this is Doug in PA saying it.

00:49:46.700 I always know when you say this, it's going to be a race thing.

00:49:49.540 Well, you know what? Hey, you know what? I put it in the chat. Black mothers are the worst

00:49:57.040 American black mothers are the worst mothers, mothers on the planet. And you can't tell me

00:50:01.340 different. Now they say, Doug in PA, how can you talk about black mothers like that? What about

00:50:05.760 your mom? Yeah. My mom was lawful to me too. In fact, uh, I used to run a mentorship group, um,

00:50:13.480 where I would mentor AJ and I, we would mentor young African immigrant and African American men.

00:50:19.540 Okay. And it was just a brotherhood. All of us had awful mothers, all of us,

00:50:25.360 every single, because you can't tell them nothing. You know, the, they have all these outs to taking

00:50:31.580 accountability. Well, I put a roof over your head. I put food in your belly. You know,

00:50:37.660 what are you complaining about? You know? So anyway, so, um, I hate using these terms,

00:50:46.060 but I don't know how to put it. Like my mother was verbally and emotionally abusive. I grew up in a

00:50:52.140 verbally and emotionally abusive household. And you know, my parents were married, but my dad worked

00:50:57.740 a lot. He worked all the time. My dad was high value. And so we were literally left at home with

00:51:05.880 our mom and like our mom. It's like, well, first off we got spankers when we were young, but you know,

00:51:12.640 I'm a twin. So we, mom was just, we're just awful. She, she, she said the worst things possible. And, um,

00:51:19.920 uh, it, it was just awful. The worst thing that you, all of the tactics that you said in your

00:51:27.140 monologue, my mom did a shame, insults, guilt, the need to be right. Lacking. What was the worst

00:51:32.260 one? Like, do you, is there one that like sticks out to you? Oh yeah. Maybe a specific story you have

00:51:37.900 that I wish you were never born all the time. She would say that. Holy shit. Oh, yep. Yep. Yep.

00:51:45.380 She'd say all this stuff and you know, or all the, it's just, it was awful. Or what's the worst

00:51:50.700 when they say, sorry, go ahead. It's like the worst is when they like think they can do anything

00:51:55.700 because they gave birth to you. You're like, it's one day. Yeah. That was one day. Go ahead. Go ahead.

00:52:03.100 Uh, uh, I carried you for nine months, blah, blah, blah, all that stuff. Right. And so the, the thing

00:52:09.880 about my mom is my mom, she was a depressed, miserable person. And her goal was to constantly

00:52:17.600 make the house that way. So I grew up in an environment where I had, there's a person in

00:52:26.100 the house that just, her goal was to make things uncomfortable for you. So you, you, you were

00:52:30.460 always on edge because she'd always say something harmful. She, she find a way to turn any good

00:52:37.260 news, anything going on with your life. So we just stopped sharing things with her, you

00:52:41.900 know, uh, any accomplishments, anything like that, because she was going to find a way to

00:52:45.960 tear it down. And also my mother was one of those mothers where she should have been doing

00:52:51.260 the emotional maintenance on us to foster us into healthy adults. But we had to do the emotional

00:52:56.020 maintenance on her to, to constantly, um, uh, uh, validate that she was a good mother, even

00:53:05.220 though she wasn't. How would she try to ruin your day when, because she was depressed?

00:53:12.260 So, um, like, how would she do a day to day? I'm just wondering.

00:53:16.200 So just she would listen. She, how am I going to put this here? She'd always find a way to

00:53:25.340 insult you always about everything, even stuff that you can't even think that you get

00:53:31.820 insulted about all of your hopes, all your dreams. She's tear it all down.

00:53:38.480 Can I have an example? So I was about to say, can I have an example? And then you started

00:53:42.880 to go. So, you know, I got accepted to the school. I always, I went to a community college

00:53:48.980 first and I got accepted to the school. I always wanted to go to. And I knew that, uh, I transferred

00:53:55.740 from community college to university and I knew I was really happy, but I didn't want to tell my mom

00:54:01.420 because I knew that she was going to find a way to tear it down. Right. So I didn't tell my mom until

00:54:06.400 two days before I was going to leave. And the last thing that she said to me before I moved, I had my

00:54:12.980 car packed. I was ready to drive down there. And the last thing that she said to me was, I don't know

00:54:18.260 why you're going down there. Cause all you're going to do is fail out and end up on our couch.

00:54:23.640 Then what are you going to do?

00:54:27.100 And it wasn't like you, you don't seem like you were a bad student in high school.

00:54:34.180 No, I wasn't. Yeah. Like it doesn't seem like you seem like a pretty responsible person.

00:54:39.600 I ended up moving across the country to get a job because I moved back in my parents after I got my

00:54:46.320 graduate degree and my mom was doing the same thing. And I literally moved across the country

00:54:51.180 because my mom was just too much. Right. And, uh, the day before I left, my mom asked me why I was

00:55:00.620 leaving. And I said, it's because of you. Cause I hate you. You're just awful to me with my whole life.

00:55:05.880 And then she said to me, you guys ready? She said, I, I hate you when you're here, but I miss you when

00:55:13.380 you're gone. Wow. And that summed up my entire childhood with my mom right there. Right. So,

00:55:25.840 but there is a part two to this story. So my, um, my parents ended up, um, divorcing after like

00:55:35.700 30 some odd years. And my mom had never lived by herself ever. Uh, cause she went from, uh, her

00:55:43.760 parents' house to the military and then she got married, whatever. So she was living by herself and

00:55:49.180 she started going to therapy and she called me up out of the blue. And first off, my mom never called

00:55:57.720 me. I was like, Hey, what's up? And she's like, Hey, can I talk to you? She's like, yeah. I said,

00:56:03.900 yeah. And I was expecting the usual BS. And my mom was like, you know, I want to apologize for being

00:56:10.360 so terrible to you your whole life. And I want to apologize to all you kids. Cause I was just terrible

00:56:15.440 to you. The reason why I say that the term scumbag is that's what my mom said. My mom said that she

00:56:20.720 was a scumbag to me most of my life. And, and, and then guys, she had a bulleted list of events in my

00:56:27.760 life that she wanted to apologize for. So remember in third grade, when I did this to you, remember,

00:56:34.120 I didn't know women could apologize. Yeah. I didn't either. Wow. I didn't either.

00:56:41.020 Um, so she said in fifth grade and seventh grade, like she had specific situations.

00:56:47.260 Oh yeah. Yep. Uh huh. And, um, and then, so it was about 45 minutes because she went down the whole

00:56:54.880 list and I was just speechless. And then she said, I'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to

00:56:59.800 make up for the fact that I was so terrible to you. And she's been doing it guys. I literally have mom

00:57:04.860 2.0 right now. She is a completely different person than she was when I was young.

00:57:11.580 She actually did the work. You know, I, I just, I remember one time we were talking cause she was

00:57:17.060 trying to act like nothing happened. And then a couple of times I just unloaded on her and just

00:57:21.320 let her know all the terrible things she did to me. And she just sat there and just took it. And

00:57:24.740 so now her and I have a great relationship and I can't believe it guys. I really can't. Like she,

00:57:30.620 she did the work to try to, um, to, and she's doing the work right now to try to be a better mother to,

00:57:38.740 to all of us kids. You know, I can call her and talk to her now without having to, without worry

00:57:44.340 about stepping on a hand, you know, on a, on a landmine, you know, like she's emotion. She just,

00:57:50.400 she, she, she apologized. She took accountability and I have mom 2.0. I have mom 2.0 now. Now the

00:57:59.640 biggest problem is I meet a lot of guys who aren't where I'm at yet. And I feel so bad for them

00:58:04.360 because it's some heavy weight guys. It is some heavy weight. When your mom is an absolute

00:58:09.580 scumbag, it hurts and it doesn't get any better. All you can do is just get used to it.

00:58:16.840 Yeah. And even that won't happen. So, you know, I consider myself fortunate, you know,

00:58:21.440 from when I was 35 and four, my mom has been a completely different person, but the first 35 years

00:58:27.760 of my life, she was the worst person in my life. Just absolutely terrible. And I grew up in the

00:58:33.520 suburbs where there was a lot of, you know, stereotypical moms, you know, housewives and

00:58:42.680 stuff. And I would go to my friend's house and see how warm and nurturing their moms were. And then

00:58:48.720 I go home to my house and I, you know, my mom's a demon. Right. And it's like, it's not fair.

00:58:55.300 Why did I get stuck with this? And so, you know, I consider myself fortunate that my mom has done

00:59:02.860 terrible what she's done because a lot of people will never get that. And guys, a lot of people

00:59:07.780 will say, well, your biggest problem is you keep wanting from your mom what she's never going to

00:59:14.060 give you. But that doesn't make it make it any easier. It's your mom, like your family, your mother

00:59:20.540 and your father and your family could hurt you like nobody else. So, but yeah, my mom did the actual

00:59:29.200 work. She's, she's, she still has a little, it comes out a little bit. I still have to have

00:59:33.760 social boundaries, but yeah, for the most part, mom 2.0 is in full effect.

00:59:40.400 That's crazy. I wonder, has anyone else had that happen? Call in if so.

00:59:45.740 Who are the bear? Someone says interview the Barretts. Have you heard of them?

00:59:48.660 Uh-uh. Um, you said that someone else on the line? Yeah. And just, let me just reiterate,

00:59:57.860 guys. Um, like I said in the chat, um, black mothers, not all, but most are the worst mothers

01:00:04.740 on the planet because you can't tell them nothing. They're strong, independent, blah, blah, blah. And

01:00:10.440 55% of violent crimes are perpetuated by black people. It's, it's true. It's a stat. But the

01:00:18.220 reason why is all these single mothers, guys, all these B-dub single moms. And it's sad. Everything

01:00:27.360 in the black community comes from single mothers. All the bad things come from, from single mothers.

01:00:33.740 So guys, if you don't have any children, even if you do stay away from single moms, don't date

01:00:39.420 them, don't sleep with them, don't marry them, leave them alone. Anyway, uh, the next person is

01:00:45.060 JC Jackson. Are you there? Unmute. Hey, yeah. Can you hear me? Yeah. Hey JC, how's it going?

01:00:51.720 It's good. Good to be back. Um, but I'll say I had a pretty bad mom as well, but, uh, just to,

01:00:58.300 cause he brought up the race. I'm white. So it was a white mother. So this thing is not race exclusive.

01:01:02.980 Um, I grew up with, um, my mother was all the stereotype things, but the worst thing about it

01:01:11.300 was probably the two-facedness. Like my mom did the whole stereotype where when friends and family

01:01:16.200 come over, she was very, very almost too perfect. And when, when they left, that's when the trouble

01:01:22.720 really started. So, but, so I heard, I heard all the same things like he said. Um, I think, but say I

01:01:33.800 left home at 17 to mainly to get away with her, joined military and left at 17 and she hated me for

01:01:40.640 that. But, but say I'm 32 now. I, I, I haven't gotten mom 2.0 yet. I'm hoping, hoping that happens

01:01:48.640 cause she still behaves the same way. Yeah. But the, I would say the worst thing that happened

01:01:55.200 to me cause all the, all the stereotypical stuff happened to me where, you know, they scream at

01:01:58.800 you. They, uh, every once in a while they'll hit you every once. They'll, they'll make sure

01:02:02.980 any day you have off at school as a, as a teenager is filled doing chores or, or her just running

01:02:09.280 around the house mad. But the worst thing that probably happened was when I was an adult

01:02:13.700 and, uh, my grandfather, her, so my mother's father gifted her some land, gifted her land,

01:02:22.980 put a house on it. And she, for some odd reason, um, was dating this guy and wanting to move in

01:02:29.940 with him. She was twice divorced, not, not, no third marriage yet. Um, and I can see why. Uh,

01:02:38.020 but she, uh, she said, okay, well I don't want this house anymore. And I said, okay, well I will

01:02:42.880 take it over. Uh, it's, it's, it's, it's on my family. It's on my family land. It's on my

01:02:46.620 grandfather's land. Grandfather's done nothing wrong. You know, so I took over the mortgage.

01:02:50.920 I started paying it, but it's still in my mom's name cause she ain't done, she ain't signed

01:02:54.460 anything over to me yet. She sells it to someone else after I've been paying the mortgage and stuff

01:03:02.920 on it. Just sells it and just announces it at a family, family meeting. Like, yeah, yeah. Everybody,

01:03:08.740 everybody knew. Yeah. Yeah. I told her, I told JC. Yeah. He, he was aware I was going to sell it.

01:03:13.080 No idea. I got blindsided. And the, the couples right there, it was a, it was a gentleman and his

01:03:18.100 wife and the wife was pregnant. So like, I couldn't flip my shit and I couldn't flip my shit in front of

01:03:23.300 a pregnant woman. That'd be inappropriate. But yeah, that was one of the worst things that ever

01:03:31.660 happened. And then we got into a fight maybe a year or two ago where she started to want to come

01:03:36.180 around for like grandkids, but she would play very weird favoritism with the grandkids. And like,

01:03:41.600 she started doing the mind games with the grandkids. Like wanting to talk to my kids

01:03:45.020 behind closed doors about when me and her had a hard argument. And I just, I just,

01:03:51.500 I told my mom, I said, look, you gotta get lost. Like if, if we didn't have grandkids or I wouldn't have

01:03:58.060 nothing to do with you. And my mother sat there and said, all right, well then lose my number.

01:04:04.440 I said, dumbass, I know where you live. Like, what do you mean?

01:04:08.000 Yeah. Wow. So she would try to manipulate your grandkids and turn them against you.

01:04:14.680 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, like, or your kids, sorry, her grandkids.

01:04:17.900 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're good. You're good. Yeah. We got into a massive argument and she wanted to go

01:04:20.660 talk to my daughter and she tried showing my daughter's door. I said, Oh, you leave that fucking

01:04:24.340 door open. And, and because I made her leave the door open, she wouldn't even talk to her and she

01:04:29.180 left the house. Yeah. So I, I had to record us getting into a fight. She came over and got into

01:04:36.500 a fight with me one day. I had to, I had to hit record on my phone, put it in my pocket. So where

01:04:41.940 the phone camera was hanging out. So she couldn't tell we were being recorded. I had to record the

01:04:47.340 fight. So my dad, my grandmother and my grandfather could all see, could all see what she was like

01:04:53.280 behind closed doors. Cause they just, they, the whole family, what would she do? Like,

01:04:59.080 could I have like a play by play of what the fight was? Um, so generally she come in, you

01:05:05.640 know, the slam the door open way too hard, like normal, usually scream my name. And then

01:05:11.640 she just start flipping on me about something that year I didn't know about or is, you know,

01:05:16.120 honestly, not her fucking business. Like, um, like one time my daughter called me to ask

01:05:24.680 me permission for something. And I said, no. And my grandma and she's there with my mom. Cause

01:05:29.700 she's with my, she's with my grandma, my grandmother and my, my mother's mother's mom in good terms.

01:05:36.480 I try to do the right thing. Um, why? Oh my God. You think that's the right thing?

01:05:42.840 You're going to torture the grandkid too. Sorry.

01:05:47.820 Yeah. Like, like this is before I cut her off like that.

01:05:51.740 Okay. Every man tries to do the right thing for a while with their moms. Like, like, like

01:05:58.400 the last guy said, but she would just come in here and scream at me and she would do this thing.

01:06:03.840 And I know a lot of, I know a lot of men know about this. Your mom will kind of buck up at you

01:06:08.980 because a, let's be real. They, they know they can't win the fight, but they know most of us won't

01:06:15.360 hit them. Yeah. I was just about to say that she, she can buck up because you're never going to raise

01:06:20.920 your hand to your mom. Yeah. Yeah. I, I've noticed this a lot. Like she would do it every argument.

01:06:27.600 I'm just like, and I, one time I just had to tell her, I like, look, you know, I could throw you

01:06:31.700 through that wall, right? Like, and so she would, she would hit you, would you, you like in the face

01:06:37.160 on the arm? How would it usually go? Um, it's mainly pushes to the chest, like, like open palm,

01:06:45.000 like, you know, pushing somebody in the chest, like just that, I don't know how to describe it,

01:06:49.660 but they're, they're egging you on. They want you to do something. Yeah. And, and it's, and it's just,

01:06:55.360 it, that type of stuff happens and no one believed me. Cause she would, cause what she would do is she

01:06:59.460 would go running and, you know, she would spend her side of the story to my dad, to my, uh,

01:07:04.000 grandparents because, you know, is, I mean, and then, and then I would hear about it. I would get

01:07:10.960 a call from my grandparents. So what did you do? What, what, what happened? I'm like, I didn't do

01:07:15.820 anything. I was sitting here mind my own business and she just came up, came at me ill, ill about

01:07:20.980 something. And I, like I said, I had to record her to get proof for people to believe me. I still have a

01:07:28.420 little cousin, a little female cousin. That's a, well, she's not little, but she's like, she just

01:07:33.300 turned like 19, 20, but she, this, this cousin is, is ugly to me to this day because she thinks I'm

01:07:43.020 mean and disrespectful to my mother. I'm like, no. Yeah. It's like, she's two-faced and some of them

01:07:49.420 just have never seen it. Yep. And she, she put, she put a, uh, not, she put not a deep, but like a,

01:07:56.720 like a, she put like a slight scar on me, on my neck, like before the week before I left

01:08:00.820 for the military. Cause when she found out I was leaving for the military, she like tried

01:08:04.960 to choke, choke me out. And I was like 17 years old. I still could outpower her, but I didn't

01:08:09.080 fight back. Yeah. And so like one of her, one of her nails, like, you know, scratched up

01:08:14.300 my neck pretty good. It had like, I had like the week before I left for the military. That

01:08:18.580 was, that was a fun little explaining like, Hey, recruit, what'd you show up with that?

01:08:23.540 Yeah. Some of them probably understood. They're like, yeah, it's happened to me, you know?

01:08:30.980 But yeah, but yeah, I'm, but I'm, I'm 32 year, two years, 32 years old. My mother's 22 years

01:08:37.140 older than me. So that makes her 54. And like, she still, she still acts like this to the, to

01:08:42.520 this day. It's that, it's that weird bit of like feminism and, and aggressiveness that

01:08:48.180 like, it doesn't matter where you're from. Like, um, some people like, uh, feminism just

01:08:57.820 seep so deep in, they don't even understand what they're doing. And I'm like, she, and

01:09:02.680 she's like, I always say white women are more sneaky with their aggression. Like white women,

01:09:08.720 that's just my observations. Like black women put their aggression up front or white women.

01:09:13.500 And it's like, like I had a divorce attorney say that he did not, he feared he would never

01:09:18.160 marry a white woman because of how brutal they were in divorce court.

01:09:22.300 Yeah. White women are trying to be two-faced with black women are, are openly aggressive.

01:09:26.760 Yeah.

01:09:27.400 And then Latinos, we accept they're aggressive because most of them they're hot.

01:09:33.680 That's funny.

01:09:34.380 Okay. Well, thank you for calling me and sharing JC. We'll call it anytime. Okay.

01:09:42.860 No worries. What?

01:09:45.340 And, uh, Tom, are you there? Unmute.

01:09:49.740 I'm here.

01:09:51.080 Hey, Tom, how's it going?

01:09:54.080 Going well. How are you?

01:09:55.460 I'm good. What do you have on the topic? What was your mother like?

01:10:00.140 She enjoyed violence, physical. She enjoyed it.

01:10:09.140 And she, I didn't know until my thirties that she was the one that had broke my leg when I was two.

01:10:17.600 Wow.

01:10:18.760 No way.

01:10:19.700 Yeah. She slipped up in a communication when she was, uh, uh, you know how they, how people who are, um, trying to cover up a lie, how, how they'll slip sometimes because they're in the moment.

01:10:38.320 Right.

01:10:38.840 Uh, she was carrying on about something about her victimhood and how my dad was always cheating on her and whatnot and how horrible it was for her.

01:10:50.860 And then she slipped and said, and, you know, and then that's what caused me to, um, to, you know, do what I did to you when you were two.

01:11:04.460 And up until that point, I thought that I had fallen on the stairs.

01:11:09.800 Wow.

01:11:11.660 Tom, did you ever go through, so was she physically violent your, your whole childhood?

01:11:17.100 Yeah.

01:11:17.440 Or did you ever get to the point where she, especially when you got older, you got taller than her or whatever, where you did the catch the hand where she tried to hit you and you caught a wrist?

01:11:27.900 Did you ever do that?

01:11:29.040 Yeah.

01:11:29.280 I knew it.

01:11:30.920 I knew it.

01:11:31.720 Most of my friends who had violent mothers, just one day you realize she takes a swing at you and you just catch her hand.

01:11:38.900 Oh my God.

01:11:39.620 Yeah.

01:11:41.100 Go ahead.

01:11:41.900 Yeah.

01:11:42.140 I caught her, I caught her hand.

01:11:43.440 And then my, that was the one moment my dad stepped in.

01:11:46.820 So I thought my dad up to that point was just, just scared of her or something, but he was enabling her.

01:11:55.480 Uh, and at that moment I figured it out because he said, well, if you don't hit a woman and if you hit your mother, cause I was, I was holding her hands and she was like really hard trying to get out.

01:12:08.480 And, um, he told me to let go of her and I said, well, she's going to hit me.

01:12:14.060 And he said, you don't, you don't touch a woman.

01:12:17.020 And if you do that, uh, you gotta, you're going to deal with me.

01:12:20.600 And my dad at that time could have took me cause I was 14 or something, 15, maybe, maybe.

01:12:30.100 What did your dad do for occupation?

01:12:31.720 If you don't mind me asking.

01:12:34.000 Uh, he was a scam artist.

01:12:36.260 Oh, okay.

01:12:37.600 Sorry.

01:12:38.360 I wasn't expecting that answer.

01:12:40.460 Sorry.

01:12:40.720 Oh, okay.

01:12:42.340 What did he scam people on?

01:12:45.280 And he, he always had some sort of, uh, um, entrepreneur thing.

01:12:51.260 Yeah.

01:12:51.620 So they did things like, they did things like Amway and Shackley and stuff like that.

01:12:56.240 Yeah.

01:12:56.440 Yeah.

01:12:58.360 And then, and then he, what he would do is he would start businesses and then it was like my job to, to work the business and try to figure out how to make it work.

01:13:10.720 You know, as a teenager, no.

01:13:14.020 So, um, usually it was involved with him just telling a big story to somebody that had some money and then, uh, um, taking their money and then not doing anything.

01:13:28.040 And he got, um, probably, he took my money too.

01:13:35.260 I, I, we couldn't pay the rent and stuff.

01:13:38.420 So I went to work very young, uh, and, and that's how he enforced it was my mother would come and just physically take my money from me.

01:13:49.180 So do you, do you still have a relationship with your mom at all?

01:13:53.140 Or did you have to end up cutting her off?

01:13:55.160 Um, after the incident where I found out that she had broke my leg, I figured it sounds strange, but it didn't dawn on me until then that I wasn't the problem.

01:14:09.560 Wow.

01:14:10.000 So you were in your thirties when you figured it out.

01:14:15.940 Yeah.

01:14:17.120 And, um, yeah, I started figuring it out in my twenties when I had kids and your kids reached these milestones and you're like, oh my God, she was doing X, Y, or Z at this time.

01:14:28.040 I can't imagine doing this to my children.

01:14:32.380 And, um, then you're like, okay, well, maybe I was just an exceptionally bad kid.

01:14:37.280 Well, and that's what she said.

01:14:38.500 Of course, I, she actually, she, she would refer to me to the rest of the family as the black sheep.

01:14:45.660 And that was the reason why.

01:14:47.360 Did you, did you ever go to therapy and, and had that to help you figure out it was not normal?

01:14:52.420 Or was raising your own kids, the catalyst where you really started to figure out that what she went through wasn't normal?

01:14:59.660 Cause it's usually one of the two.

01:15:02.440 It's my ex-wife.

01:15:05.320 I married kind of a combination of my mom and my dad, which is the worst of both worlds.

01:15:12.380 And so, and as, as people who've gone through this know, that's, that's what you do.

01:15:18.080 You, you, you subconsciously, or I was subconsciously trying to fix my parents by marrying the traits that they had.

01:15:28.960 And so I, um, found out the, the nice thing about the whole situation is, is that my ex-wife trained me in life.

01:15:44.400 Like, I found, I found out everything through her, all of the actions that she took, because now I'm an adult and I have, um, when I'm married to her, I have autonomy and I could see everything that I was.

01:15:59.960 And I, and I, and I could go out and, and make money and I could go out and, and I could negotiate and, and, you know, and take a nonviolent approach to arguments.

01:16:12.580 And it's, and I learned through that, that if somebody enjoys violence, um, they will engage in violence and it doesn't matter how, how you approach.

01:16:26.780 I'm going to ask you one more question.

01:16:29.140 So from your, did you deal with a whole lot from your girlfriends, like a whole lot of foolishness from your, from your wives and girlfriends?

01:16:38.980 Because situations like that, you, it, it kind of raised you with the mindset that you should, like the, the virtue of a man or the virtue of a person is just enduring.

01:16:52.360 Were you one of those kinds of people where you, you, you just endure people will say, how, how are you so patient?

01:16:57.340 Or how do you put up with so much?

01:16:59.420 Were you one of those kinds of people?

01:17:01.480 I was a complete simp.

01:17:03.620 There you go.

01:17:04.160 I knew it and it was primarily because I fell for my mom's victim stories.

01:17:13.380 If, you know, if, if she hadn't something happened, something hadn't happened to her or something, you know, if my dad wasn't such an ass or whatever, that everything would be fine.

01:17:25.520 Um, or that she wouldn't have to do these things.

01:17:27.880 And I, I, for example, I thought that, I thought she was a clean freak.

01:17:31.820 Um, growing up because she had me clean the house first.

01:17:38.240 My family was six people and I was the house, the housekeeper for the entire family.

01:17:46.180 And she would come home and with this bright red carpet and cats with white fur and the fur would show up really easy.

01:17:55.320 And so I was really fastidious about cleaning all of it and everything.

01:17:59.640 And she would come, come and glued.

01:18:02.360 Um, and, uh, you know, I won't tell you what she did, but we, you can all imagine.

01:18:11.060 And later on, I thought that it was just because she was such a clean freak.

01:18:16.580 And then I moved out of the house and then their house turned into a disaster and my dad's a hoarder.

01:18:23.580 And so it just, he just hoarded it up.

01:18:26.580 And, uh, I was like, what, what's going on here?

01:18:29.440 And she's like, oh, I just, you know, I just haven't gotten around to it.

01:18:33.540 And so I realized that she just enjoyed having a slave.

01:18:36.980 That was really more about that and less about being clean.

01:18:39.440 So it was a, it was a way to control you basically.

01:18:45.480 Yeah.

01:18:45.980 It was a control technique.

01:18:47.920 Absolutely.

01:18:48.560 Yeah.

01:18:49.680 Okay.

01:18:49.980 So, you know, it, in the, to answer Doug's previous question, you don't really ever get over it because what people don't understand about this sort of thing is if you're abused at, at, as a toddler.

01:19:09.440 So, uh, your world isn't safe, you don't, uh, socialize properly with other children.

01:19:14.540 And I didn't.

01:19:15.880 And, um, so I had no friends and the other kids, um, stay for obvious reasons.

01:19:21.980 I just, I had massive behavior problems.

01:19:25.120 And, um, so it's a, it's a lifelong damage.

01:19:32.020 And the biggest, the biggest thing that didn't happen was nobody in the neighborhood said anything.

01:19:44.480 It was, I, I, I look back on it.

01:19:46.240 I'm like, it was obvious that she was a monster.

01:19:49.760 And, um, we had a very large extended family.

01:19:53.440 My grandmother didn't do anything about it.

01:19:55.080 My other grandparents didn't do anything about it.

01:19:57.000 Nobody in the neighborhood did anything about it.

01:19:58.600 The teachers didn't do anything about it.

01:20:01.260 And she constantly threatened.

01:20:02.920 She's like, we're going to, you know, if you say anything, then you're going to get taken to, to foster care.

01:20:07.460 And they're going to, um, and it's going to even be worse there.

01:20:10.840 And I, and later on as an adult, I was like, well, it wouldn't, no, it wouldn't have been worse.

01:20:17.340 It couldn't have been.

01:20:18.780 That's crazy.

01:20:20.200 Well, thank you, uh, for sharing Tom.

01:20:22.580 We really appreciate it.

01:20:23.660 And, you know, um, it's good to tell stories like this.

01:20:27.460 Cause like before I, you know, I used to have a mentorship group and a lot of the guys I used to mentor, we would just share stories.

01:20:34.680 And it would, you know, they were younger than me and I would share my story and it would, it would kind of help them make sense of their situation.

01:20:41.940 And I'm pretty sure that your story is going to help a lot of guys in the chat and who are going to watch this make sense of their situation.

01:20:47.800 So thank you for sharing.

01:20:49.640 We really appreciate it.

01:20:50.900 Call in anytime.

01:20:51.900 Okay.

01:20:52.700 Yeah.

01:20:53.020 Just let them know.

01:20:53.780 It's not them.

01:20:55.180 That's the biggest thing.

01:20:56.380 They think it, I thought it until I was in my thirties.

01:20:59.980 Okay.

01:21:01.020 All right.

01:21:01.460 All right.

01:21:01.900 Um, is it, it's J A M E J J J.

01:21:10.240 Are you there?

01:21:14.560 J A M E J J J.

01:21:17.240 I can't believe she hit a two, broke a two year old's leg.

01:21:20.740 That's insane.

01:21:21.460 Did you see there's this nurse that was breaking baby's legs and arms in the hospital?

01:21:27.160 Yeah.

01:21:27.380 She's being tried right now.

01:21:29.320 It was awful.

01:21:30.680 Um, okay.

01:21:31.600 Uh, Thompson, unmute.

01:21:38.940 You're still muted.

01:21:41.220 You are still muted.

01:21:42.540 My friend.

01:21:46.100 You're still muted.

01:21:49.160 Also, we just had another sign up.

01:21:51.800 Thank you, John.

01:21:53.180 Thank you, John, for signing up guys.

01:21:55.680 Three more signups would be great.

01:21:57.240 This show.

01:21:57.680 Um, sorry.

01:21:58.640 What was the name, Doug?

01:22:00.280 Uh, Thompson.

01:22:02.140 Thompson.

01:22:02.700 Hi, welcome to the show.

01:22:03.960 Thompson.

01:22:06.380 Hey, Phil.

01:22:07.260 How you going?

01:22:08.860 I'm good.

01:22:09.420 How are you?

01:22:12.440 Yeah, not too bad.

01:22:14.620 Oh, are you in England?

01:22:15.640 Pretty good.

01:22:16.020 Actually.

01:22:16.140 No, I'm Australian.

01:22:19.200 Oh, okay.

01:22:19.980 Yeah, Australia.

01:22:21.040 Nice.

01:22:21.360 First up, you know, I gotta, if you're, if you're one of our Canadian brothers or Australian

01:22:26.600 brothers, Thompson, I'm glad you made another day, man.

01:22:30.300 Because Canada and Australia are both feminist hellholes that hate men.

01:22:33.940 So, so thank you for being here and thank you for making it another day.

01:22:38.940 Yeah.

01:22:39.580 Jeez, brother.

01:22:40.800 Now, there's a lot of, um, a lot of misandry here, man.

01:22:45.040 You know, especially the last few years, you know.

01:22:47.540 Do you have anything on the topic?

01:22:56.240 Uh, I'm not too really sure to talk about.

01:22:59.500 I just kind of wanted to say, like, um, after my parents' tumultuous marriage, I've never

01:23:08.420 really been able to fall in love.

01:23:10.500 I've had girlfriends and stuff, but they've never really lasted very long.

01:23:17.540 Um, and do you, do you think that's from your parents or like, was it from your mother?

01:23:28.140 Is it a lot to do with, with, um, with the way that my mom used to treat my dad, but then

01:23:35.060 my dad was, uh, like my dad would always bash her up, you know?

01:23:41.540 So by the time I was 15, 16, I'd be fist fighting my dad on the front lawn.

01:23:47.540 And even the cops would come over and the cops wouldn't even do nothing, really.

01:23:52.660 They'd just, you know, tell my dad to keep it down and shit like that.

01:23:56.700 But I think it stems more from my mom, to be honest with you.

01:23:59.900 Mm-hmm.

01:24:00.800 Yeah.

01:24:03.380 How so?

01:24:04.060 Uh, just kind of like the last dude was saying, like, um, like, I feel like she's definitely

01:24:14.880 a bit of a monster too.

01:24:16.720 Like, just exactly like the last bloke was saying and everyone else knew it, you know,

01:24:21.540 but no one really decided to step in and put a stop to it, you know?

01:24:29.580 And my parents never got divorced because my dad died of a heart attack as well, like

01:24:35.280 10 years ago.

01:24:36.920 So.

01:24:37.360 And so, have the girls you dated, have they been like your mother or have they been different?

01:24:46.180 Uh, they've been a little bit different, but I can just never, uh, I can just never connect

01:24:52.840 with them, you know?

01:24:53.680 Um, well, I, so you can, you can apply.

01:25:02.180 Okay.

01:25:03.500 When, when I was mentoring my mentees and one of them would say, Doug and P I'm just not

01:25:10.160 happy at work.

01:25:10.940 I'd say, why do you think that you get to be happy at work?

01:25:13.420 Like, why do you expect to be happy at work?

01:25:15.800 Like most people aren't.

01:25:17.020 Right.

01:25:17.900 So, so take that out of the, out of the equation and see how you feel about your job.

01:25:23.680 Um, and I can kind of say that about love, love in a relationship.

01:25:29.420 Okay.

01:25:29.860 I think that respect comes first.

01:25:32.720 Utility comes second.

01:25:34.060 Love comes third.

01:25:35.040 Thank you.

01:25:36.200 Kevin Samuels for that.

01:25:38.300 Um, love is a feeling that comes and goes.

01:25:42.160 So when you're getting to know a woman, see if she could earn your respect first.

01:25:47.940 And then you can build a life together where you're both living a life that you can't live

01:25:55.020 by yourself and then love should come after that.

01:25:59.220 So don't think that love is the most important thing to get in a relationship because it's

01:26:04.300 not love is a feeling it comes and goes, but people have to earn and maintain your respect.

01:26:09.400 Okay.

01:26:10.680 So I would, I would recommend, don't be looking for love so much.

01:26:16.640 Look for a woman that respects you first.

01:26:19.940 Men want respect.

01:26:21.900 Women want love.

01:26:23.120 Okay.

01:26:24.120 So maybe don't focus so much on loving a woman.

01:26:27.920 If she earns your respect and you guys are, are, are, are in a relationship or you get

01:26:32.940 married or whatever, you're living a life, a quality life that you can't live by yourself,

01:26:38.040 the love will come.

01:26:40.960 Yeah, definitely, man.

01:26:42.360 I'm, yeah, I'm definitely big on respect too.

01:26:44.840 I think that's, yeah, I think that's why I probably couldn't fall in love with them because

01:26:49.020 I just felt like I didn't respect them, you know?

01:26:51.660 Yeah.

01:26:52.400 As well.

01:26:52.980 Do you still have a relationship with your mother or no?

01:27:00.460 Yes, I do.

01:27:01.460 I don't live with my mom, but I still go around and help her sometimes if she needs it.

01:27:10.780 How do you, does she ask you for help or do you give it to her freely?

01:27:15.960 Like, like willingly?

01:27:18.400 A little bit of both, man, to be honest with you.

01:27:21.020 You know, because, um, I'm out of all my siblings, I'll probably live the closest.

01:27:27.740 Yeah.

01:27:28.100 I do live the closest actually.

01:27:29.660 Yeah.

01:27:30.540 To my mom.

01:27:32.320 Okay.

01:27:34.380 Well, um, you know, uh, how old are you, if you don't mind me asking?

01:27:39.940 Uh, 29.

01:27:40.780 Yeah, you, you, you, you got putting a time left to keep your head down because when you

01:27:46.760 hit 35, man, if you, if you put in any kind of work to be, uh, if you have a highly valued

01:27:53.060 skill, highly valued trade, highly valued education and you're building towards something, bro.

01:27:58.900 Once you hit 35, the whole world opens up, man.

01:28:01.100 I'm telling you.

01:28:01.620 Uh, so just keep your head down and just really think about this whole love thing.

01:28:06.260 I told you, man, don't be looking for love, respect, utility.

01:28:11.860 Love comes, comes after that.

01:28:14.940 Yeah, definitely, mate.

01:28:16.480 Definitely.

01:28:17.880 Well, thanks.

01:28:18.800 Thanks for having me on guys.

01:28:20.060 Thanks, Phil.

01:28:20.940 Yeah.

01:28:21.380 Thanks for calling in.

01:28:23.600 Call in anytime.

01:28:24.580 Okay.

01:28:24.720 No worries, Mike.

01:28:27.800 Take it easy on.

01:28:29.200 Thank you.

01:28:31.100 And then, uh, James is still there.

01:28:35.380 James, James, are you there?

01:28:36.900 Yeah.

01:28:37.220 Yeah.

01:28:37.400 I'm here.

01:28:39.160 James or James?

01:28:41.040 James.

01:28:41.620 James.

01:28:42.860 I've never heard someone with that name before.

01:28:45.820 Yeah.

01:28:46.420 Yeah.

01:28:46.760 It's been my name for a minute now.

01:28:48.540 Yeah.

01:28:49.260 I like it.

01:28:50.260 It's a nice name.

01:28:51.360 Um, what's your mother's story?

01:28:53.320 Uh, so I, I guess my story is not as bad as everyone else's, but, uh, um, my mom had

01:29:00.480 me pretty young.

01:29:01.260 She, she was 15 when she had me.

01:29:03.280 Oh, wow.

01:29:03.640 So he was a kid raising a kid.

01:29:05.920 Um, I'm the oldest of seven.

01:29:07.540 I have a pretty unique lifestyle now.

01:29:10.080 And I think that, uh, the way that things gone with my mom when I was younger, uh, kind

01:29:15.960 of, um, spearheaded that.

01:29:18.400 Uh, I guess I can say that because she was a kid, she was with a lot of guys.

01:29:23.320 That wasn't my, that wasn't my dad.

01:29:26.040 Um, so a lot of different dudes in my life from a young age.

01:29:30.360 Um, how many fathers to the seven kids?

01:29:34.100 Shit.

01:29:34.740 Uh, my mom's black.

01:29:36.020 I'm black.

01:29:36.400 So, uh, I want to say I don't have any siblings with the same dad.

01:29:41.320 So seven different.

01:29:43.180 Oh my gosh.

01:29:43.920 That's crazy.

01:29:45.180 No, no, no, no, no, no.

01:29:47.400 I'm not taking, I'm not taking.

01:29:49.700 Okay.

01:29:50.320 So, so it's just, it's, it was crazy, right?

01:29:54.760 She's trying to figure out her life, um, while still trying to be my mom.

01:29:58.860 So obviously, you know, that comes with problems.

01:30:01.080 I remember in high school, uh, you know, fighting her boyfriend at the time, you know, and, you

01:30:07.220 know, her even looking conflicted with her 16 year old and, and her boyfriend, like whose

01:30:12.500 side to choose just, you know, how things were.

01:30:16.400 So, so for me, um, I think that, that, uh, that affected me, but I think I used it in

01:30:22.340 a more positive way.

01:30:23.380 Um, because like, I, I was the one who was telling you guys to, to interview my family.

01:30:27.940 Uh, cause I have, I have right now I have five wives.

01:30:31.040 I live in LA and we have 11 kids.

01:30:33.440 And so one of the ways that I kind of put all that together was because I, I didn't want

01:30:37.680 to be absent in my kids' lives.

01:30:39.560 Um, because what happened to my, you know, to me when I was a child, you have five wives

01:30:46.240 in LA.

01:30:47.540 Yeah.

01:30:48.040 What do you, what do you do for a living?

01:30:49.980 Are you, are you rich?

01:30:51.360 Like that's, that sounds like an expensive lifestyle.

01:30:55.200 Hey, uh, uh, um, I used to live in, I'm from Chicago, um, and I live there, uh, and I do

01:31:01.520 real estate.

01:31:02.080 So that's like the main thing that I do.

01:31:04.440 Um, I, I invest as well.

01:31:06.240 So that's kind of what I do.

01:31:08.220 Are you Muslim or no, I'm not, there's no religion.

01:31:11.840 I'm just wondering how like you sold this to the women in the West.

01:31:16.220 I just feel like, I don't know many, I know women that would be side chicks, but not like,

01:31:20.760 it's weird, right?

01:31:22.180 Women will be side chicks, but they won't be a second wife.

01:31:25.060 Isn't that weird?

01:31:26.260 Yeah, yeah, exactly.

01:31:27.340 I mean, I never thought about that, Pearl.

01:31:28.780 That's a good point.

01:31:29.560 No, I'm like, there's so many women that do the side chick thing in situationship, but

01:31:34.580 it's like, they won't be a second wife.

01:31:37.360 I don't know.

01:31:38.220 I don't know any of that.

01:31:39.060 Well, apparently they will, according to you.

01:31:40.800 So I'm curious.

01:31:43.900 Honestly, Pearl, I think we would have a good conversation.

01:31:46.300 Um, if you guys ever feel, if you have free time, check out our family page and you might

01:31:51.200 get curious.

01:31:52.240 What's it called?

01:31:53.600 It's next gen Barrett.

01:31:55.720 They're saying you're right.

01:31:57.240 Is it the picture?

01:31:58.040 Like you're in the middle of blonde and there's like, it looks like you got like an Asian,

01:32:04.200 three Latinas and a blonde.

01:32:05.640 Is that right?

01:32:06.840 No, no, no.

01:32:07.640 It's, it's, it's four Latinas and a blonde.

01:32:10.760 Okay.

01:32:11.280 The picture is kind of blurry.

01:32:12.900 I couldn't tell.

01:32:14.800 Wow.

01:32:15.020 So you have 11 kids.

01:32:15.860 Are you from Chicago too?

01:32:17.140 Yeah, I'm from Chicago.

01:32:18.980 Did you grow up in DuPage?

01:32:21.040 No.

01:32:22.540 Oh, oh.

01:32:25.040 Wife one.

01:32:25.700 So do they get jealous?

01:32:27.920 Yeah.

01:32:28.460 Like, I mean, it's, there's so much to talk about, but I think that it's a good conversation

01:32:32.940 to have.

01:32:33.380 Maybe your viewers might like it.

01:32:35.500 Yeah, maybe.

01:32:36.200 We're going to LA soon.

01:32:37.820 Maybe I can come.

01:32:38.460 We're going to have to set that up because that sounds interesting as well.

01:32:41.980 It's like, I'm not.

01:32:43.720 We don't, I don't know if we, the people post on YouTube as much, but IG, you definitely

01:32:48.560 see a lot of hate and they're calling, they're saying like a lot of red pill and people were

01:32:52.160 telling me like, hey, hit up Pearl.

01:32:53.880 She definitely would love you.

01:32:55.600 So I was like, for sure.

01:32:58.200 Yeah.

01:32:58.780 I'm going to be in LA.

01:32:59.840 You said you're in LA.

01:33:00.740 I'll be there in April.

01:33:02.220 So maybe I could bring up camera crew and just see.

01:33:06.280 Yeah.

01:33:06.300 Come to the house.

01:33:07.360 Come to the house.

01:33:08.300 Cool.

01:33:10.600 Wow.

01:33:11.160 And so you essentially did this because did you feel like you couldn't be monogamous?

01:33:15.260 I'm guessing.

01:33:16.580 Yeah, exactly.

01:33:17.340 Like really early in my life, I was like, you know, I, it just wasn't for me.

01:33:22.560 And I was lying at first, a lot of, a lot of cheating, to be honest with you.

01:33:27.020 And then I was like, and then I started having kids and that's when things kind of changed

01:33:30.820 because certain girls that I was having kids with, like they, those kids didn't see me

01:33:35.520 as much.

01:33:36.020 Right.

01:33:36.400 And I started to feel kind of guilty because of what I dealt with, with my mom's decisions

01:33:41.420 and not finding the right man to bring, you know, and, and him being an absent father,

01:33:46.700 I didn't want to be like that to my other kids, even though they weren't my main girl.

01:33:50.700 So I was like, let me bring all of this together.

01:33:53.000 And then once I brought it all together, I was like, actually, this relationship works

01:33:56.760 out for me too.

01:33:58.740 And so this is, sorry, I'm looking at the TikToks.

01:34:03.080 This is so interesting.

01:34:04.040 Um, and so do you like pitch this to new women right away or is it something you kind

01:34:10.940 of ease them into?

01:34:12.740 No, no, you, you definitely would have to ease in a woman into it.

01:34:16.220 And, um, I mean, right now, because we're kind of like, you know, blowing up on IG and

01:34:20.800 TikTok, uh, women are actually reaching out to us.

01:34:23.520 They're asking to be six.

01:34:24.760 Like, they're like, Oh, can I be wife six?

01:34:27.300 Like I have probably like 20 women that hit our DMS every day saying like, do you need a

01:34:31.500 six wife?

01:34:31.980 I was actually talking to another podcaster today and he made a good point.

01:34:36.500 He said something along the lines of like, um, you're basically showing off what it would

01:34:42.380 be like to be a wife.

01:34:43.480 So it's actually works out better for you because it's like the women does, when they go with

01:34:48.380 monogamous men, they have to guess how it's going to be rather than with you.

01:34:53.780 They already know how it's going to be.

01:34:55.180 They see the other five and they can guess that it's going to be similar to that experience.

01:34:58.840 And so do you still date, like, cause I mean, five women, like, do you feel a need to date

01:35:06.540 more than that?

01:35:08.320 Like, are you still sourcing new women?

01:35:11.500 I actually tell most girls, no.

01:35:14.360 Um, I might like, if the girl is really cute, I might say something and show the girls like,

01:35:18.840 Hey, you guys think she's cute?

01:35:20.540 They might say yes or no, but I mean, it's not something that we're focused on.

01:35:24.520 I'm obviously busy with work and shit like that.

01:35:27.160 So, um, yeah, it's not something like that's a priority.

01:35:31.100 Yeah.

01:35:31.280 How long have you done it for?

01:35:33.480 Uh, bringing them all together.

01:35:35.420 It's only been like three years, but I've been with all these girls, like most of them,

01:35:39.940 six, actually all of them, six years plus I'm 30.

01:35:43.380 Now we're all like 30.

01:35:44.900 And what would you do if one of them like wanted to leave?

01:35:48.880 If would you like, how would you navigate that?

01:35:52.840 I mean, I would let them go and then, you know, we'd have to figure it out with the kids,

01:35:56.320 you know?

01:35:57.000 Um, it's not like a situation where they're like stuck or in a cold or anything like that.

01:36:02.700 Yeah, no, no, no.

01:36:03.040 I can tell, but okay.

01:36:04.820 That's interesting.

01:36:05.800 I might take you up on it.

01:36:07.160 Are you on Twitter?

01:36:08.920 Uh, no, I'm not.

01:36:10.260 No, I'm not.

01:36:11.000 Uh, Instagram.

01:36:12.560 Yeah.

01:36:13.000 Instagram.

01:36:14.020 I'm on TikTok, Instagram, and I guess YouTube.

01:36:16.800 Um, if you DM me on just pearly things official, maybe we could set it up because I'm very

01:36:22.420 intrigued.

01:36:23.000 This is interesting.

01:36:24.960 Yeah.

01:36:25.520 Yeah.

01:36:25.780 Is that on your IG?

01:36:26.900 Is that your IG?

01:36:28.000 Yeah.

01:36:28.240 It's just pearly things official.

01:36:29.940 I'm looking on YouTube.

01:36:31.700 This sounds off, but you get, you guys have a TikTok page.

01:36:35.660 Yeah.

01:36:37.280 Or no, I'm sorry.

01:36:38.320 A YouTube page, not TikTok, but cool.

01:36:41.200 Yeah, for sure.

01:36:42.260 But yeah, I appreciate you guys letting me on, Pearl.

01:36:45.240 Yeah.

01:36:45.540 Thanks for calling in.

01:36:47.120 Call in any time, okay?

01:36:49.300 Absolutely.

01:36:49.980 Absolutely.

01:36:53.140 Okay.

01:36:54.600 Uh, Nick, unmute.

01:37:00.860 You have to unmute, buddy.

01:37:03.900 I still see the mute sign on your thing.

01:37:06.440 There you are.

01:37:06.860 Am I good?

01:37:08.060 This is.

01:37:08.720 Yeah.

01:37:10.880 It's Nick, bro.

01:37:12.440 Hi, Nick.

01:37:13.140 How are you?

01:37:15.640 I'm good.

01:37:16.260 How are you?

01:37:16.840 Oh, my God.

01:37:17.380 This is crazy.

01:37:19.600 What's crazy about it?

01:37:22.700 I mean, I've just like, I've watched you for like years and this is the first time I'm like

01:37:26.960 communicating with you.

01:37:27.920 You know, you know, it's funny.

01:37:29.220 That's such a weird thing to say to someone, but I've heard it for years.

01:37:32.580 Like, this is the only context in 2025.

01:37:36.200 That would be a normal thing to say.

01:37:39.300 You know what I mean?

01:37:40.140 It's funny.

01:37:41.560 Um, but I get that.

01:37:43.840 I just watched.

01:37:44.660 Yeah, I know.

01:37:45.360 I get it all the time.

01:37:46.820 That's fine.

01:37:47.620 Um, so tell me, what's your thoughts on the topic?

01:37:50.800 What's your mother experience, mother trauma?

01:37:54.980 So, well, um, I grew up with a single mom, which is fine, whatever.

01:37:59.720 But like, it's interesting because I feel like a lot of times women, um, oh dude, it's

01:38:04.640 so weird, like actually being on here, but, uh, so I feel like, um, it's still like the

01:38:11.240 her show.

01:38:11.840 You know what I mean?

01:38:12.420 Like I'm like, she was very involved in my life for a lot of it.

01:38:16.660 And then when I was 12, she didn't really have any boyfriends or anything, but then

01:38:20.380 she got remarried and that was that, you know, it was kind of like, yeah, it was like

01:38:26.880 she's, I just became like part of the background, you know what I mean?

01:38:31.340 And my dad was not alienated from my life, but like, he was definitely not like she did

01:38:37.360 the thing of poisoning the well a little bit with him.

01:38:39.760 And so for the longest time, I thought he was not a very good person.

01:38:44.440 So when did it switch?

01:38:47.640 When did you figure it out?

01:38:48.860 How old?

01:38:51.400 Uh, Ooh, good question.

01:38:53.360 It really was like college.

01:38:55.320 I think he passed away when I was 16.

01:38:57.200 So it was very like obvious that like there was when things were different, you know what

01:39:02.780 I mean?

01:39:03.020 But like in college, I started to realize that like, Oh, there's a lot of things that he

01:39:06.480 did that I didn't, that is kind of took for granted.

01:39:08.600 Yeah.

01:39:09.180 And I like, didn't really think anything of it.

01:39:12.720 And then, and then when I was in college, I was like, Oh, there's like a bunch of people

01:39:16.800 doing a bunch of random weird shit, dude, that like my dad was very good at like seeing

01:39:22.280 and telling me about and being like, don't fucking listen to that.

01:39:25.080 You know, I can't swear.

01:39:26.600 Can I, you can, it's not a big deal.

01:39:29.840 Oh, cool.

01:39:30.540 Okay.

01:39:31.160 It's YouTube, not a TV network.

01:39:35.160 Actually that happened to me.

01:39:36.240 I swore on TV once and they're like, you can't do that.

01:39:38.600 I'm like, what do you mean?

01:39:39.200 I can't do that.

01:39:43.480 Um, yeah, I mean, it's so common.

01:39:46.160 Did you see it with your friends too?

01:39:47.760 Or was your situation unique?

01:39:50.180 Dude.

01:39:50.540 I mean, there's just this kind of idea that like the men in the family are not that great.

01:39:58.860 I feel like, no, even if, even with my friends who had like good, like good quote unquote married

01:40:05.540 parents or whatever, but like, it just always seemed like the dads were like second class

01:40:11.380 or whatever.

01:40:11.760 And even like with teachers and stuff like that.

01:40:16.820 Right.

01:40:17.060 Cause when you're growing up, most of your teachers are women.

01:40:19.760 And so they kind of assume that the moms are the better parent and the dads are like, yeah.

01:40:27.820 Which kind of like helps the poison the well a little bit.

01:40:30.440 You know what I mean?

01:40:31.020 You're like, Oh, okay.

01:40:31.780 Like even recently it's crazy.

01:40:33.180 So I'm 30 now.

01:40:34.080 So my dad died like 14 years ago.

01:40:36.060 And so there was one lady that I was, uh, staying with while I was in a different city

01:40:41.180 and she was, she knew me when I was really little and knew my mom and knew my dad and

01:40:44.620 stuff like that.

01:40:45.040 And I was like, Oh, it's interesting.

01:40:45.960 Cause I have a lot of things that like are similar to my dad that I didn't even realize

01:40:49.020 until way later.

01:40:49.840 And she goes, yeah, but he had a lot of demons that you don't have.

01:40:52.860 And I was like, fuck off lady.

01:41:00.300 I've heard that before.

01:41:01.700 The demons.

01:41:02.480 That's so funny.

01:41:03.760 It was crazy.

01:41:04.780 That's like almost a direct quote too.

01:41:06.600 I was like, don't talk about him like that.

01:41:09.180 Fuck you.

01:41:10.260 Yeah.

01:41:11.700 And that's one of the dangers of, of, of being a married man, raising a family and this current

01:41:18.380 environment with this narrative is you're going to be painted as a villain no matter what.

01:41:24.500 You can even see it.

01:41:25.900 There are wholesome videos of like a father with like his son or daughter and women will

01:41:30.900 always find a way to like make it about women or start tearing the guy down.

01:41:35.560 Anything a man does with his child on social media, you know, Oh my God, is it, is, is the

01:41:41.640 child safe?

01:41:42.780 Oh my God.

01:41:43.560 Does he know what he's doing?

01:41:44.860 They throw, they throw pedophile also on everything, everything.

01:41:50.540 I mean, I'm like, they're calling me a pedo now.

01:41:53.120 I'm like, you guys just throw that.

01:41:54.520 You guys just throw that at everyone.

01:41:57.440 Yeah.

01:41:57.960 It's literally, it's like when the arguments run out, it's like pedophile, pedophile, pedophile.

01:42:03.840 Oh my God, there they go.

01:42:07.260 What was the biggest lie that was told to you about your dad?

01:42:11.480 Oh dude, it's tough to know.

01:42:12.560 Cause like he, like, I, I, I don't know what was true and what wasn't, but like, um,

01:42:18.700 like, I think that one of the biggest things is that like the flaws were made very, very,

01:42:25.380 very clear.

01:42:25.980 And the, the goods were kind of put on the back burner a little bit.

01:42:30.300 Like my mom wasn't terrible.

01:42:31.220 As far as moms go in this stuff, she was not the worst, but still very clearly problematic,

01:42:37.300 you know?

01:42:37.860 And like, um, so there were things that my dad did really well.

01:42:41.000 Like he was really good at standing up for himself.

01:42:42.980 I never felt in danger.

01:42:45.140 He looks nothing like me.

01:42:46.340 He's like bald and had a goatee and had a ton of muscle.

01:42:48.820 So like no one would ever want to fuck with me, you know?

01:42:52.940 Um, and he had really strong morals.

01:42:56.200 So like, if like after he passed away, like a little, almost a year later, uh, there was

01:43:02.200 one guy that was like, um, Oh, uh, I told him like, Oh yeah, he passed away.

01:43:08.200 Cause he knew my dad and he was like, Oh, how was he?

01:43:10.040 And I was like, Oh, he died.

01:43:10.820 And he's like, Oh, that sucks.

01:43:11.980 He was the kind of person you always knew if he was in the room.

01:43:14.140 And it was funny.

01:43:14.840 Cause the way that he said it sounded like he was not necessarily a compliment, but it was

01:43:19.300 turned into a compliment.

01:43:20.280 Cause if you always know someone's in the room, that's not always a good thing, you know?

01:43:25.420 And so, so like, I think that was one thing that he was really good at is just being like,

01:43:31.060 look, if there's something that is wrong here, I am, even if everyone else disagrees,

01:43:35.960 I am going to be the one to say like, no, no, no, this is how it should be.

01:43:40.640 Fuck all you.

01:43:42.720 This is how the world should be, you know?

01:43:44.780 And my mom is not like that.

01:43:47.200 Like she's a little bit like that, but if everyone else disagrees, she'll kind of go

01:43:50.700 with the flow a little bit, you know?

01:43:52.960 And so I'm just going to ask you one more question and then we're going to have to wrap

01:43:58.880 it up.

01:43:59.160 Do you, do you have any kids yourself?

01:44:01.200 No, I don't.

01:44:02.680 How was your, how was this whole thing with your dad being painted as a villain and stuff

01:44:07.240 or your mother's stuff?

01:44:09.140 How has that affected your view of having children?

01:44:12.200 And it's scary, bro.

01:44:13.700 Like, I've like, it's tough because I want to have kids so fucking bad and I want to

01:44:20.800 be in a monogamous relationship.

01:44:22.000 I am kind of picky, but like, you know, I want to be in a monogamous relationship and

01:44:26.900 like, dude, I've been watching this show a lot more lately and it just fucking is so,

01:44:35.060 it like enlightens a lot of different parts of your life.

01:44:39.160 I feel like, and it goes like, dude, holy shit, how the hell am I going to get married,

01:44:42.560 bro?

01:44:42.760 How am I going to have kids?

01:44:43.500 And the thing about it is, it only gets worse because right around like 35 to 40, all the

01:44:49.060 people, especially a lot of the women in your life are like, oh, you'd be such a good dad

01:44:52.240 and this, that, whatever, blah, blah, blah.

01:44:53.940 But, you know, I would say the biggest problem is you have to have a child with these modern

01:44:58.700 American women.

01:45:00.600 Yes.

01:45:01.440 How the fuck do you have kids, bro?

01:45:05.420 Because, you know, I don't have any kids because, you know, I, I, I fear nothing but God and

01:45:12.760 co-parenting.

01:45:13.520 Those are the two things I fear, man.

01:45:15.880 I'm telling you.

01:45:17.540 And, and, and when you hit your mid thirties, your friends who got married, you're going to

01:45:23.580 have to be there for them when they go through divorce court, man.

01:45:27.320 So when you see one of your best friends just get crushed in paternity court and divorce

01:45:32.540 court, and unfortunately, the only way to not lose is to not play that game, bro.

01:45:39.660 So I, I, I'm not saying that you should or shouldn't, but I have the same thoughts going

01:45:45.540 on right now too.

01:45:46.740 It's just like, you have to have a child with like a modern woman.

01:45:52.280 Can you?

01:45:53.080 Can you?

01:45:53.580 Can you IVF it?

01:45:55.020 Does the kid belong to you?

01:45:56.540 If you like hire a surrogate?

01:45:59.380 Hire.

01:46:01.260 Sorry.

01:46:02.300 You'd be raising a child as a single parent though.

01:46:05.920 Isn't that better?

01:46:06.520 I mean, we just did a whole show on how the moms are messing up the kids.

01:46:13.480 I like, I think the kid would be better off than most of them.

01:46:18.800 Dude, I actually asked my mom like what she thinks I should do.

01:46:21.480 Cause I was like, what should I, like, what the fuck?

01:46:24.080 This is like such a crazy landscape.

01:46:25.360 And she was, she said IVF.

01:46:26.780 And I was like, even then though, like it might, you know, it's bad when the women are

01:46:30.100 telling you to get a surrogate.

01:46:31.460 My mom, my literal mom is like, yeah, I'll probably just get a surrogate.

01:46:36.420 Surrogate cost.

01:46:37.520 Let me check this out.

01:46:39.100 Oh shit.

01:46:39.920 That's so expensive.

01:46:41.360 That's what I'm saying.

01:46:42.840 Like 50, 60 grand or something like that.

01:46:44.800 The cost of surrogacy can range from a hundred to 250 K.

01:46:48.880 Oh yeah.

01:46:50.420 No.

01:46:52.140 Yeah.

01:46:52.460 So Pearl, how do we have kids?

01:46:54.360 How, how do men have kids right now?

01:46:56.520 I got nothing.

01:46:59.700 I, you're talking to the wrong person.

01:47:01.660 I've seen men that did everything right.

01:47:03.640 Get completely fucked.

01:47:05.240 I've seen men with prenups get fucked.

01:47:07.780 I've seen men that married the religious church girl get fucked.

01:47:13.160 I've seen men.

01:47:14.080 The church girl, dude, church means nothing now.

01:47:17.160 They're worse.

01:47:19.440 Dude.

01:47:19.840 Yeah.

01:47:20.220 I mean, I grew up around these.

01:47:22.280 I mean, that's why do you think I hate these trad con women?

01:47:24.500 I grew up around these women.

01:47:26.780 I love what you've been saying about the trad cons.

01:47:30.460 Cause like it, it, it's been like unlock, like making me see pieces of my subconscious

01:47:35.440 with it where I'm like, I don't really trust, like I love Brett Cooper, but man, she says

01:47:39.320 some things where I'm like, what?

01:47:41.020 I don't know.

01:47:41.900 And Nick, the biggest problem is, you know, they say nature makes it's poisonous things

01:47:46.200 like bright colors and odd shapes.

01:47:48.920 But so like liberal women, they have the purple hair, the tattoos and the bull nose

01:47:54.160 race.

01:47:54.620 So you can see them coming, but the trad cons, you know, the, they can hide it better because

01:47:59.740 they don't have any of nature's way of telling you that they're dangerous.

01:48:03.600 No.

01:48:03.780 And they're all, they're all so unhappy because they picked betas as husbands.

01:48:09.200 So I can't say that.

01:48:10.500 No, they do.

01:48:11.360 That's like, it's like really obvious.

01:48:12.880 All the trad con women listen to the traits they use to describe their husband.

01:48:17.480 It's never like hot or exciting.

01:48:18.920 It's always stable, dependable.

01:48:22.380 Like it's, it's always like beta traits, which is, it's okay if they have both, but if you

01:48:28.640 know what I mean?

01:48:29.160 And yeah, I know exactly.

01:48:30.980 Like even, I think, I think I've heard Brett describe her, like, I forgot what, but I was

01:48:35.500 like, don't say that.

01:48:36.540 I forgot there was one.

01:48:37.600 I know.

01:48:38.620 Oh man.

01:48:39.520 And like, girls have to be told, like describe your partner as like dangerous or exciting

01:48:45.600 or, you know, like, I told my mom, it's so funny.

01:48:49.920 There's so many, sorry, what?

01:48:51.880 Do me a favor.

01:48:52.480 Partner, stop saying the word partner.

01:48:56.220 As a man, you shouldn't be telling you, because it all starts with the language of your thoughts.

01:49:02.400 If you're looking for, you know, a good woman and maybe a wife one day, just start by saying

01:49:10.520 that, because if you keep saying partner, that's exactly what you're going to get.

01:49:14.340 Don't ask a man.

01:49:15.300 You shouldn't say partner.

01:49:16.060 Doug, they should, Doug, they should look for a partner.

01:49:19.040 Maybe you can put her on alimony.

01:49:22.960 Do you know what?

01:49:23.940 If I was a guy, that's the strategy I would take.

01:49:27.240 I, this is what I would do.

01:49:28.740 I would, and I'm not saying this is what you should do.

01:49:31.280 This is just what I would do.

01:49:32.820 I would go find a woman that makes more money and like wants like one kid.

01:49:37.980 Right.

01:49:38.340 So I had a, I had a guy that worked for me.

01:49:40.720 Right.

01:49:41.440 And his strategy was to get super hot and go for a female lawyer, knowing that she was

01:49:46.440 going to divorce him, but just go in.

01:49:49.360 No, no.

01:49:49.800 Just go and get the kids, but then like get the evidence you need for divorce court.

01:49:54.260 Like go in.

01:49:57.160 And so like, he's like, she's going to cheat at work.

01:49:59.480 Let me just get evidence.

01:50:00.520 So on the way out.

01:50:05.400 She's for sure going to cheat.

01:50:06.720 Let me just make sure I catch her.

01:50:09.300 And he was, he was talking about how he was going to put her in situations to cheat.

01:50:14.380 He's like, I'll hire a personal trainer.

01:50:16.780 It's fine.

01:50:17.540 And then, and then he's like, and then on, and in divorce court, I'll put her on alimony

01:50:22.920 and child support.

01:50:23.820 And then I'll go date women 15 years younger forever.

01:50:29.620 She's like, Oh, I'm going to Miami this weekend with it for a girl's trip.

01:50:32.760 And he's like, yeah, babe, go ahead.

01:50:34.840 And then he's on the phone with the PI.

01:50:38.340 He's like, Oh, you.

01:50:44.380 And you know, just for me, every single instance of a woman paying child support, alimony, losing

01:50:51.180 custody of her kids to the father, it just makes my heart smile.

01:50:54.880 Dude, it's, it's vindictive, but I agree.

01:50:59.340 Because the time of men to taking the moral higher ground is over.

01:51:05.940 Bro, it's so true.

01:51:06.800 If she hits you, press charges.

01:51:10.160 You know what I'm saying?

01:51:10.560 Yeah.

01:51:10.960 If she makes more money than you, take that child support, take that alimony.

01:51:14.700 If anything, you could instigate her and like annoy her so she'll hit you.

01:51:20.040 Get you.

01:51:20.400 But you have, you have to go in ready for the divorce.

01:51:23.020 That's what I would do.

01:51:23.880 I would get like hidden cameras everywhere.

01:51:26.400 Oh my God, dude.

01:51:29.400 I would.

01:51:29.940 It's crazy though.

01:51:30.860 Yeah.

01:51:32.100 You guys are like, how do we have kids with these modern women?

01:51:35.420 You guys are hoping for a good woman.

01:51:37.200 It's like, why would you do that?

01:51:39.300 Oh.

01:51:40.720 Yeah, true.

01:51:41.800 We just need to have kids with the worst women that we know for sure will fuck us over.

01:51:46.120 Yeah, I mean, no, I mean, I would just like expect the worst, you know, I wouldn't go

01:51:51.040 in, I would go in knowing it's going to go like, you know, that as soon as the youngest

01:51:56.540 kid hits preschool, she's going to start cheating.

01:51:59.220 You know, that's like usually when they do, no, it's usually around, it's usually around

01:52:03.180 the age of like five because the kids.

01:52:06.280 Yeah.

01:52:06.500 So what happens is it's as many kids as she wants when the youngest kid hits preschool,

01:52:12.100 that's when she's going to cheat.

01:52:13.280 Now, like now the kids are gone all day.

01:52:15.380 She's got the time.

01:52:16.980 She's back.

01:52:17.820 She's back working.

01:52:19.260 I mean, a lot of women will do it before, right?

01:52:22.080 But that's when she's going to start with the exit plan.

01:52:25.000 So the divorces are usually seven years in.

01:52:27.800 So around year five, she's got to start, you know, looking around who's going to, and what

01:52:33.820 you could do is instead of you could assist her.

01:52:36.940 I know we had a guy on the show.

01:52:38.360 No, I had a guy on the show, right?

01:52:40.680 And his, he, his plan with his exes is he finds them the next boyfriend.

01:52:45.380 Yeah.

01:52:48.840 Yeah.

01:52:49.340 And he said, he's had good relationships with all of his exes.

01:52:52.140 So he helps them find the next boyfriend.

01:52:54.260 And then there's no like, and he's like, I'll try to get them someone better, taller.

01:52:59.040 It's fine.

01:52:59.700 They probably don't like that though, bro.

01:53:03.360 And then, no, he said it goes well.

01:53:05.400 And then he just goes on to get younger and hotter again.

01:53:09.180 Oh my God.

01:53:10.080 I'm sure they hate it.

01:53:11.120 They just, they're like, they're happy that he tried or something.

01:53:13.840 I don't know.

01:53:14.300 Well, I know he said he's, he owns a boat with one of his ex-girlfriends, like, um, like

01:53:20.720 husbands.

01:53:22.440 What?

01:53:23.020 Yeah.

01:53:23.280 He owns a boat with one of them because he just, you know, they dated, didn't work out,

01:53:27.520 but now she married a rich guy and they own a boat together.

01:53:30.840 He's still reading the benefits of being friends with her.

01:53:36.120 Yeah.

01:53:36.460 Yeah.

01:53:36.840 Well, I don't know.

01:53:38.820 I think after a certain age, like people that dated, it's like not as big of a deal.

01:53:44.680 Do you know what I mean?

01:53:45.220 Like you kind of see that when you're younger, there's like these huge breakups and it's

01:53:49.500 so really dramatic, but then you get older.

01:53:51.600 It's like, you can't, I see that more where people will like date people that like they'll

01:53:57.600 stay friends with their exes and it's really not a big deal.

01:54:01.140 It's not usually the alpha guys.

01:54:03.040 Right.

01:54:03.260 But it's like, you know, she dates a beta for a bit.

01:54:07.440 It's like, well, you know, you can, she was never into him anyway.

01:54:10.960 So yeah, yeah, that's the thing.

01:54:16.280 Sorry.

01:54:16.680 Let me just, can I just say one more thing?

01:54:18.220 Yeah.

01:54:18.240 You're okay.

01:54:18.640 I was talking to my mom and she was like, oh yeah, you know, like, cause there's all this

01:54:21.760 advice that women give men on like what they need to do to be more attractive or whatever.

01:54:24.960 And I was telling her like, dude, it's all the wrong advice.

01:54:28.580 And like, the easiest thing to do is just get a firearm, get some tattoos and get a drug

01:54:33.200 habit.

01:54:35.300 What part of the country are you in?

01:54:38.660 I'm in Kansas right now.

01:54:39.920 I grew up in California though.

01:54:42.100 So, well, that's the problem is all the hot women don't really stay in Kansas.

01:54:47.500 Do you know what I mean?

01:54:49.060 Yeah.

01:54:49.720 There's not very, I was in Salt Lake recently though.

01:54:52.200 And there's a shitload of cute girls in Salt Lake.

01:54:54.380 Oh yeah.

01:54:54.920 The Mormons.

01:54:55.920 But yeah, they go to the, the big cities, you know?

01:54:59.400 So if I was a guy, do you know what I would do?

01:55:01.900 I would go, I'd go to two places.

01:55:03.800 This is where I'd go to find my wife.

01:55:05.900 I would either go to a college town.

01:55:08.400 You want to get them before they're damaged, right?

01:55:11.960 Oh, it's way late.

01:55:14.960 Okay.

01:55:15.280 Well, it's in college, bro.

01:55:17.000 What are you talking about?

01:55:17.620 Well, they might as well get damaged by you.

01:55:20.120 You might as well, you might as well be one of the ones damaging and maybe eventually you'll hit one that's like, oh, I might be the second guy she slept.

01:55:32.580 You know, it's a number.

01:55:35.180 Like if you fuck enough 19 year olds or 20 year olds, you're bound to get one that waited maybe out of a hundred, right?

01:55:43.000 But how many dicks has she sucked?

01:55:44.860 She's a virgin, but how many?

01:55:46.440 I didn't say virgin.

01:55:47.820 I just said maybe, maybe like, okay, there's the girls that have a high school boyfriend and then they obviously have to leave him to do better.

01:55:55.840 You could be the better.

01:55:57.480 Oh, wow.

01:56:00.840 That sounds phenomenal.

01:56:02.360 I would go, I'd go to Austin or I'd go to like some college town or I'd go to a city where all the hot women go to.

01:56:10.180 So maybe it's Salt Lake, you know?

01:56:11.680 And then I just, I would just, if I was a guy, I'd just hook up with one of them until, I'd do a numbers game until one just stuck around.

01:56:22.300 And then, but I would still, but I would still expect her to do the worst.

01:56:25.940 So I'd still expect a divorce.

01:56:28.460 You could just have the PI on like ready.

01:56:31.220 Yeah.

01:56:31.600 You know, cause you might as well get the best years, you know?

01:56:34.600 So you might as well, you might, and then like, okay, she's going to leave you.

01:56:38.540 Like, let's say she has a kid with you at 24, she'll leave you around 30 for money, but you could see it coming.

01:56:45.060 Yeah.

01:56:45.660 Yeah.

01:56:46.040 Cause then she's got to go get the money for the rest of her life.

01:56:49.620 So I don't know if that's you, but if, if you tell them it's you, then they're going to use you for it.

01:56:55.120 So you might as well let someone else do that.

01:56:57.780 So true.

01:56:58.500 The tattoos and firearms.

01:57:01.660 I'm a strategist here, you know?

01:57:03.600 Well, yeah, Nick, thanks for calling in.

01:57:13.060 Call back in any time, man.

01:57:14.860 This is all, thank you so much.

01:57:16.720 Thanks for having me guys.

01:57:17.760 Love you guys.

01:57:18.340 Thanks for calling in.

01:57:21.380 Well, guys, that's going to conclude the call in portion today.

01:57:26.000 You guys can hear the rain, can't you?

01:57:28.100 I think this is pretty loud.

01:57:30.480 Can you hear?

01:57:30.880 No, no, no, you can't hear it.

01:57:31.940 Really?

01:57:32.260 You can't?

01:57:33.340 Oh, I totally.

01:57:34.740 Wow.

01:57:35.100 I can hear it in my headphones.

01:57:37.640 I mean, I can't hear it on the Zoom call.

01:57:40.900 Maybe they can hear it on YouTube.

01:57:41.900 I can't hear it on the Zoom call.

01:57:43.500 Well, they said college is before they get HPV.

01:57:47.460 Well, you might as well be before.

01:57:53.420 You know, you might as well.

01:57:57.740 Anyways, thanks so much for watching, guys.

01:58:00.040 Let me know what you think in the comments.

01:58:01.740 And also, go to theaudacitynetwork.com.

01:58:04.940 We're also on the App Store.

01:58:05.980 The link is in the description.

01:58:07.700 If you could support, it really helps us out here.

01:58:11.700 I want to do bigger and better stuff, but, you know, we've got to get enough members on the website.

01:58:16.600 So I really appreciate you guys helping me out.

01:58:18.580 And thank you, Doug.

01:58:21.140 A pleasure, as always.

01:58:22.480 You got anything last to say to the people, Doug?

01:58:25.740 No.

01:58:26.300 You know, guys, there's a lot of scumbag mothers out there.

01:58:30.280 I'm hoping that one day we judge mothers as harshly as we do fathers.

01:58:35.340 And, you know, try to share your stories with your friends, guys, because a lot of guys out there had awful mothers,

01:58:44.280 and they think that they're the only one or their mother was the absolute worst, like the worst one.

01:58:48.600 And most of the time, it's not.

01:58:50.800 Yeah.

01:58:51.380 That's all I got.

01:58:51.900 Well, thank you, guys.

01:58:54.560 Like the video on your way out and subscribe, and I'll see you guys tomorrow.

01:58:59.440 Bye.

01:59:21.900 Bye.

JustPearlyThings - March 05, 2025

Modern Mothers Ruin Their Children

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