JustPearlyThings - November 02, 2023


Modern Shares Her Experience With Men


Episode Stats

Length

10 minutes

Words per Minute

217.33626

Word Count

2,346

Sentence Count

203

Misogynist Sentences

10

Hate Speech Sentences

9


Summary


Transcript

00:00:00.000 I wanted to ask about icks. Okay, women have icks, men have icks. So I want to talk about
00:00:07.000 what is the last time you've broken up with someone over something? Like what was the ick
00:00:12.060 or like stopped going on dates with someone? I'm curious from the women, tell me the last like
00:00:17.860 ick you got with someone you were seeing. I would say like he has some sassy gestures like
00:00:25.420 just picking stuff up like the way you drinking out of a glass. We're sitting at the movies
00:00:33.300 and you got to have like... Is it the pinky? Is it like the tea with the pinky? It's the
00:00:37.920 it's holding like why are you eating a popsicle as a grown man like I don't know. I saw a tiktok
00:00:45.920 and it's like men have to eat certain stuff like break it off like the banana like you
00:00:50.520 need to be breaking the banana off and toss it in your mouth like you don't need to be
00:00:54.300 doing all these sassy gestures. So yeah, that's definitely ick for me because why are you so loose?
00:01:03.180 You sound pickier than me.
00:01:09.180 He can stop with the sassy gesture. She can't un-age.
00:01:19.180 Mine has been for communication. I can't deal with somebody that doesn't communicate well with
00:01:24.140 me. Okay. What does that actually mean? Communication as in we can have our conversation right
00:01:31.020 but if you're still walking away and saying well you're still in the wrong that wasn't the
00:01:36.140 communication wasn't really there because you've listened to what I've said but I'm still in the wrong.
00:01:39.020 So you're talking about arguments specifically?
00:01:41.020 Yeah. Communication barrier needs to be there.
00:01:43.020 Why don't you just not argue?
00:01:45.020 Yeah. Because it depends on what the argument is about. It may not have wanted to be an argument.
00:01:48.940 It may have just been something that I've brought up and now I may be the bad one because I've nagged.
00:01:55.980 But yeah, yeah, you hear me out.
00:01:57.900 Maybe because it is nagging.
00:01:59.900 Or hear me out. We could just not bring it up.
00:02:03.740 Yeah, we could but then that's why I would rather walk away from it.
00:02:06.380 Either way, that's where the relationship ends because if I can't,
00:02:09.500 if I actually cannot open my mouth and say it's yeah, I feel like I'm being.
00:02:13.580 But why do you have to express to him? Can't you like?
00:02:16.220 Because what I'm hearing it just I could be wrong.
00:02:19.420 I don't know you right but from what you're saying it sounds like codependency where the
00:02:22.940 other person needs to adhere to all of your emotional needs.
00:02:25.740 So what I would say is why can't you let it build up a bit but at least then you keep
00:02:30.220 the peace in the home and then maybe you can call your mum or you can call your friend and go
00:02:33.500 he did this really annoying thing but it's a little annoying thing.
00:02:35.980 Yeah, no, I don't believe that relationship should be involved in family members and friends.
00:02:39.740 I'm sorry, I'm not going to call my friend and be like, oh, he did this.
00:02:43.660 A little thing. So if it's something big.
00:02:45.580 Yeah, unless it's something big, what am I even talking about anyway?
00:02:48.460 Right, but you said you mentioned the word nagging.
00:02:50.940 Yeah, so it gets classed as nagging because it may be something that I've brought up.
00:02:54.220 But you're just expressing yourself.
00:02:55.340 And it's been swept under the carpet and I've let it go.
00:02:57.660 Could be like six months later now and I've decided, you know what,
00:02:59.980 I want this conversation again.
00:03:01.180 And it gets swept under the carpet again.
00:03:04.300 Can I have an example of like, what, what, you're thinking of a situation.
00:03:07.820 What happened?
00:03:08.380 What happened?
00:03:09.420 It's not a specific situation.
00:03:11.820 No, no, there's something in your head.
00:03:14.140 I see you thinking.
00:03:15.180 Do you know what it is?
00:03:16.300 I hear it a lot as well from women.
00:03:17.660 It's just that, it's just the communication.
00:03:19.500 It's for me, it's communication.
00:03:21.100 But you see, okay, but you see how broad this is to a guy.
00:03:23.900 Because there's guys watching, right?
00:03:25.340 And they think, communication.
00:03:26.460 Yeah, yeah.
00:03:27.180 And they think, that's all women says, communication.
00:03:29.020 They don't communicate with me.
00:03:30.140 Yes, yes.
00:03:30.700 Just sit there, listen and just tell me yes.
00:03:33.100 Listen, listen.
00:03:33.420 But you're the, if you're the, okay.
00:03:36.220 So, but isn't that sort of narcissism?
00:03:38.460 I need to be told yes all the time.
00:03:40.460 Well, no, not, not yes all the time.
00:03:42.060 But I mean, at least just try and take in whatever I may be expressing at the time.
00:03:45.740 But what if it feels like it's gone over your head?
00:03:48.220 But what if what you're saying is stupid?
00:03:50.700 Then tell me I'm being stupid.
00:03:55.900 From what I'm hearing, right?
00:03:57.180 It sounds, I had a friend who went through a situation similar to this in the way his
00:04:02.140 missus was communicating this.
00:04:03.740 To me, it's, it kind of sounds like you need, you just needed him to tell you everything's
00:04:08.780 going to be okay.
00:04:09.740 I just wanted to know if what I'm saying, you actually feel that it is stupid or you agree
00:04:14.380 with what I'm saying.
00:04:15.260 There needs to be some sort of understanding.
00:04:17.100 If there, if we haven't come down to a decision of, yeah, you're being over, like over the top.
00:04:21.740 How is you coming across?
00:04:22.780 Sometimes it's not what you say, it's how you say it.
00:04:24.300 It's how you deliver it.
00:04:25.180 Yeah.
00:04:25.660 And sometimes a lot of women are very aggy and it's just a bit of an itch for me.
00:04:28.620 Yeah.
00:04:28.700 We don't approach it correctly.
00:04:30.380 That is another thing.
00:04:31.180 I'll just keep it stepping.
00:04:31.820 That is another thing.
00:04:32.860 It is how you approach it and how you, yeah, open up the conversation.
00:04:37.580 You're not going to accept them calling you stupid though.
00:04:40.300 But I, I have, listen, I'm very understanding.
00:04:44.460 I know how to communicate.
00:04:45.580 I'm very grown.
00:04:46.220 If the option was stupid, how would you react to that?
00:04:49.660 I'd want you to explain why the fuck I'm being stupid.
00:04:54.700 But you know what it does, it ends up coming down to that, the cycle of the argument,
00:04:58.460 how women get into arguments with guys and the whole communication.
00:05:00.700 Well, that's it.
00:05:01.260 It sounds like you wanted an argument.
00:05:02.700 Yeah.
00:05:03.020 Sometimes.
00:05:03.420 Because you wanted his attention.
00:05:04.940 Yeah.
00:05:05.340 You wanted his attention.
00:05:06.380 So you'll rev it up.
00:05:07.660 You may have rev it up.
00:05:08.780 No, no, no.
00:05:09.340 You get an argument going, he fires back, you get five minutes of his attention,
00:05:13.500 but he's fired up and he's passionate with you.
00:05:15.340 No.
00:05:15.740 It could be something simple like every day I'll ask you,
00:05:17.660 babe, can you make sure that the dishes that you put in the sink, you wash it?
00:05:20.700 If I've now dealt with that for a whole year and after a year,
00:05:22.940 I'll be like, you know what, babe, I've dealt with you not washing the dishes
00:05:25.740 that I've asked you every single day to make sure you wash.
00:05:29.260 And then you come up with some silly response of, well,
00:05:32.700 I put them in the sink.
00:05:33.980 Yeah.
00:05:34.300 Don't you just accept that he's not going to wash the dishes in the sink?
00:05:37.180 And then just leave it.
00:05:38.060 Just like, hey.
00:05:38.700 Because it's about acceptance.
00:05:39.900 I'm just using an example, but.
00:05:43.420 Babe, get me a dishwasher.
00:05:44.380 I'm just thinking, what else is the chick there for?
00:05:53.020 Isn't that your job?
00:05:54.140 No, that was just an example.
00:05:56.060 That is an example.
00:05:58.780 I couldn't think of another example.
00:06:00.060 I just thought this is insane.
00:06:01.260 But I mean, you have to remember, I'm a mother at the end of the day.
00:06:04.060 So I speak to my child all day long.
00:06:05.660 I have to, don't do this.
00:06:06.860 Don't do that.
00:06:07.420 I don't want to have to deal with a man.
00:06:08.780 I said, babe, don't do that.
00:06:09.820 After that, that's it.
00:06:11.100 I have to keep reminding you not to do something.
00:06:14.220 But so do exactly, live exactly how I want.
00:06:17.180 I am not your mother.
00:06:18.780 But that's the point.
00:06:19.580 Like, you're not supposed to try to control someone.
00:06:21.900 Someone, yeah.
00:06:22.540 Yeah, I know, but.
00:06:23.740 Only after 30, they try to do that.
00:06:25.100 Also, I was going to say.
00:06:27.980 I was also going to say.
00:06:30.940 If that's the way you're even going to put it, ain't no daughter of you
00:06:33.660 is going to tell me, I told you to wash the plates.
00:06:36.540 Like, in whose house?
00:06:37.260 That was an example.
00:06:39.100 No, but the fact is that how men don't wash their plates.
00:06:42.860 No, but the point is, even if it's an example, that is the way you gave the example.
00:06:46.620 So that's more than likely the way you gave the example.
00:06:47.820 How you do, how you approach it.
00:06:49.180 Is that how you approach, though, on a normal day?
00:06:50.940 No.
00:06:51.260 That's how she's probably going to approach it.
00:06:52.540 Because if that's not how she was going to approach it, she would have given the example.
00:06:54.940 Of the, yeah.
00:06:56.140 Fucked.
00:06:56.940 I'm scared of you.
00:06:57.660 Ladies, we're getting to our family.
00:06:59.340 I'm scared of you.
00:06:59.820 Stop it.
00:07:00.140 Don't be scared of me.
00:07:01.260 I mean, I'm very, I like to get my point across.
00:07:04.620 Do you get angered very quick by men in a relationship?
00:07:08.300 I would say a few years ago, 1,000%.
00:07:10.060 You did, but now you control your emotions.
00:07:11.740 I've calmed down a lot.
00:07:13.100 Yeah, because it's very much learning to understand the person that you're with.
00:07:17.020 Understanding my wrongs.
00:07:18.620 All right.
00:07:19.260 I feel like, correct me if I'm wrong, so I feel like your preference of communication
00:07:23.580 comes from like, instead of just sweeping on the rug and, you know, leaving you because
00:07:27.740 I realized something about you, let me make sure and confirm this is who you are.
00:07:32.140 And I'm not saying that's the right mindset, because if somebody is not washing the dishes
00:07:35.820 for a year, then they're probably not going to ever wash the dishes, so you need to accept
00:07:38.780 that.
00:07:39.500 But some people would rather communicate, fight through it.
00:07:42.460 And maybe if you get some understanding, you can change somebody's mind, not necessarily
00:07:46.300 change their habits, but change their mind, get some clarity on, this is how you think,
00:07:49.900 this is how you move, this is how the person you are, rather than just sweep it under the rug
00:07:53.820 a year later.
00:07:54.620 Now I'm pissed off.
00:07:55.660 I'm just going to leave you because you've done XYZ.
00:07:58.620 We've had a conversation and you understand.
00:08:01.260 I'm not going to accept this now.
00:08:03.180 I'm going to leave you.
00:08:04.140 Yeah.
00:08:04.540 Can I ask you, if you does wash the dishes, what's your response?
00:08:07.820 Damn.
00:08:08.540 Go and Hoover now.
00:08:09.340 Go and Hoover.
00:08:09.980 You're not Hoovering.
00:08:10.700 You're not Hoovering now.
00:08:13.180 Well, no.
00:08:13.900 Random acts of kindness.
00:08:15.180 I mean, during these conversations, there's always going to be a reason.
00:08:19.020 Like, if I'm stating that there's a problem, yeah, I'm going to say this is the problem.
00:08:23.980 If you can't give me a reason as to why you do what you do, or you don't acknowledge that
00:08:31.020 it's something that irritates me, that is a form of lack of communication.
00:08:35.260 It just needs, I just need, I need the man to be understanding.
00:08:37.740 I hear what you're saying, but I think, I think the truth is, I think it's all about mindset,
00:08:43.260 really.
00:08:43.500 I don't think most men think, I don't even think people should think like that, of like,
00:08:48.860 why do you do something?
00:08:49.740 Why do you do something?
00:08:50.700 Like, at the end of the day, if I go into the middle of London and start beheading people,
00:08:54.140 does it matter why I did it?
00:08:55.980 You do.
00:08:56.380 You've done it.
00:08:56.940 You've done it.
00:08:57.660 I feel like that was wrong.
00:08:59.020 I don't think, I don't think it matters why, I think what matters is what is.
00:09:01.980 I need the whole story.
00:09:02.940 I need, like, from the start all the way to the end.
00:09:07.100 That's you searching for meaning.
00:09:09.820 Does that not mean that you're lacking meaning somewhere because you're trying to find it
00:09:13.020 in something else outside of yourself?
00:09:14.620 Outside of yourself, yeah.
00:09:15.180 I wouldn't say I'm lacking meaning, no.
00:09:17.580 I'd just say I just like, I need,
00:09:20.700 okay, let me try and phrase this right.
00:09:23.980 I just like somebody who can communicate.
00:09:26.060 I've had relationships where, do you know what the man can tell me?
00:09:28.060 Do you know what, you're being a dickhead.
00:09:30.140 And how do you take that?
00:09:31.980 Yeah, how do you respond to that?
00:09:33.980 No, but wait, didn't you say, didn't you say earlier your first question is, well, why?
00:09:38.060 Yeah, why?
00:09:38.700 That's exhausting to a guy.
00:09:40.060 That means he has to, like, go back.
00:09:41.260 Exactly, but it's exhausting to me too.
00:09:43.020 But the point is, it's like you're looking for an argument when you do that.
00:09:48.060 Like, to a man's point of view.
00:09:49.980 But we just never hear this because we don't really hear the men's point of view.
00:09:53.340 But that whole thing, like, that's exhausting.
00:09:55.100 It is exhausting.
00:09:56.140 And that's why I'd rather just done it.
00:09:58.220 Because if you can't communicate with me, then that's my ick anyways.
00:10:01.660 And for me, it's understanding communication.
00:10:03.500 If you can't do that with me, it's just not manning your communication.
00:10:06.620 When I hear chicks talk about communication, it always, and I'm telling you just how it sounds to me,
00:10:12.940 do exactly as I want.
00:10:14.780 And I need to tell you every time I'm irritated.
00:10:17.660 Otherwise, there's going to be problems.
00:10:19.420 Not really, because then I wouldn't end up being with some of the people that I have been with,
00:10:23.180 because I would say I've compromised with allowing certain things.
00:10:28.060 Like what?
00:10:29.660 Not willing to piss.
00:10:30.940 Okay, you said it.
00:10:32.220 You said it.
00:10:33.020 That's the only reason a man says certain things.
00:10:35.260 But yeah, I would say I'm willing to compromise with a man.
00:10:39.420 Okay, do you feel like men have compromised on you?
00:10:42.940 Yeah, 1,000%.
00:10:43.740 Okay, so it's like a mutual compromise.
00:10:46.220 Yeah, I can say that.