JustPearlyThings - November 02, 2023


Modern Shares Her Experience With Men


Episode Stats


Length

10 minutes

Words per minute

217.33626

Word count

2,346

Sentence count

203

Harmful content

Misogyny

10

sentences flagged

Toxicity

25

sentences flagged

Hate speech

9

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode we talk about how important it is to communicate with your partner and how to deal with a lack of communication in a relationship. We also talk about the difference between men and women when it comes to communication.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 I wanted to ask about icks. Okay, women have icks, men have icks. So I want to talk about 0.90
00:00:07.000 what is the last time you've broken up with someone over something? Like what was the ick
00:00:12.060 or like stopped going on dates with someone? I'm curious from the women, tell me the last like 1.00
00:00:17.860 ick you got with someone you were seeing. I would say like he has some sassy gestures like
00:00:25.420 just picking stuff up like the way you drinking out of a glass. We're sitting at the movies
00:00:33.300 and you got to have like... Is it the pinky? Is it like the tea with the pinky? It's the
00:00:37.920 it's holding like why are you eating a popsicle as a grown man like I don't know. I saw a tiktok 0.99
00:00:45.920 and it's like men have to eat certain stuff like break it off like the banana like you
00:00:50.520 need to be breaking the banana off and toss it in your mouth like you don't need to be 0.77
00:00:54.300 doing all these sassy gestures. So yeah, that's definitely ick for me because why are you so loose?
00:01:03.180 You sound pickier than me.
00:01:09.180 He can stop with the sassy gesture. She can't un-age. 0.60
00:01:19.180 Mine has been for communication. I can't deal with somebody that doesn't communicate well with
00:01:24.140 me. Okay. What does that actually mean? Communication as in we can have our conversation right
00:01:31.020 but if you're still walking away and saying well you're still in the wrong that wasn't the
00:01:36.140 communication wasn't really there because you've listened to what I've said but I'm still in the wrong.
00:01:39.020 So you're talking about arguments specifically?
00:01:41.020 Yeah. Communication barrier needs to be there. 0.96
00:01:43.020 Why don't you just not argue?
00:01:45.020 Yeah. Because it depends on what the argument is about. It may not have wanted to be an argument.
00:01:48.940 It may have just been something that I've brought up and now I may be the bad one because I've nagged.
00:01:55.980 But yeah, yeah, you hear me out.
00:01:57.900 Maybe because it is nagging.
00:01:59.900 Or hear me out. We could just not bring it up.
00:02:03.740 Yeah, we could but then that's why I would rather walk away from it.
00:02:06.380 Either way, that's where the relationship ends because if I can't,
00:02:09.500 if I actually cannot open my mouth and say it's yeah, I feel like I'm being.
00:02:13.580 But why do you have to express to him? Can't you like?
00:02:16.220 Because what I'm hearing it just I could be wrong.
00:02:19.420 I don't know you right but from what you're saying it sounds like codependency where the
00:02:22.940 other person needs to adhere to all of your emotional needs.
00:02:25.740 So what I would say is why can't you let it build up a bit but at least then you keep
00:02:30.220 the peace in the home and then maybe you can call your mum or you can call your friend and go
00:02:33.500 he did this really annoying thing but it's a little annoying thing.
00:02:35.980 Yeah, no, I don't believe that relationship should be involved in family members and friends.
00:02:39.740 I'm sorry, I'm not going to call my friend and be like, oh, he did this.
00:02:43.660 A little thing. So if it's something big.
00:02:45.580 Yeah, unless it's something big, what am I even talking about anyway?
00:02:48.460 Right, but you said you mentioned the word nagging.
00:02:50.940 Yeah, so it gets classed as nagging because it may be something that I've brought up.
00:02:54.220 But you're just expressing yourself.
00:02:55.340 And it's been swept under the carpet and I've let it go.
00:02:57.660 Could be like six months later now and I've decided, you know what,
00:02:59.980 I want this conversation again.
00:03:01.180 And it gets swept under the carpet again.
00:03:04.300 Can I have an example of like, what, what, you're thinking of a situation.
00:03:07.820 What happened?
00:03:08.380 What happened?
00:03:09.420 It's not a specific situation.
00:03:11.820 No, no, there's something in your head.
00:03:14.140 I see you thinking.
00:03:15.180 Do you know what it is?
00:03:16.300 I hear it a lot as well from women. 1.00
00:03:17.660 It's just that, it's just the communication.
00:03:19.500 It's for me, it's communication.
00:03:21.100 But you see, okay, but you see how broad this is to a guy.
00:03:23.900 Because there's guys watching, right?
00:03:25.340 And they think, communication.
00:03:26.460 Yeah, yeah.
00:03:27.180 And they think, that's all women says, communication. 1.00
00:03:29.020 They don't communicate with me.
00:03:30.140 Yes, yes.
00:03:30.700 Just sit there, listen and just tell me yes.
00:03:33.100 Listen, listen.
00:03:33.420 But you're the, if you're the, okay.
00:03:36.220 So, but isn't that sort of narcissism?
00:03:38.460 I need to be told yes all the time.
00:03:40.460 Well, no, not, not yes all the time.
00:03:42.060 But I mean, at least just try and take in whatever I may be expressing at the time.
00:03:45.740 But what if it feels like it's gone over your head? 1.00
00:03:48.220 But what if what you're saying is stupid? 1.00
00:03:50.700 Then tell me I'm being stupid. 1.00
00:03:55.900 From what I'm hearing, right? 0.99
00:03:57.180 It sounds, I had a friend who went through a situation similar to this in the way his
00:04:02.140 missus was communicating this.
00:04:03.740 To me, it's, it kind of sounds like you need, you just needed him to tell you everything's
00:04:08.780 going to be okay. 0.97
00:04:09.740 I just wanted to know if what I'm saying, you actually feel that it is stupid or you agree 0.98
00:04:14.380 with what I'm saying. 0.97
00:04:15.260 There needs to be some sort of understanding.
00:04:17.100 If there, if we haven't come down to a decision of, yeah, you're being over, like over the top.
00:04:21.740 How is you coming across?
00:04:22.780 Sometimes it's not what you say, it's how you say it.
00:04:24.300 It's how you deliver it.
00:04:25.180 Yeah.
00:04:25.660 And sometimes a lot of women are very aggy and it's just a bit of an itch for me. 1.00
00:04:28.620 Yeah.
00:04:28.700 We don't approach it correctly.
00:04:30.380 That is another thing.
00:04:31.180 I'll just keep it stepping.
00:04:31.820 That is another thing.
00:04:32.860 It is how you approach it and how you, yeah, open up the conversation. 1.00
00:04:37.580 You're not going to accept them calling you stupid though. 0.97
00:04:40.300 But I, I have, listen, I'm very understanding. 0.99
00:04:44.460 I know how to communicate.
00:04:45.580 I'm very grown. 0.99
00:04:46.220 If the option was stupid, how would you react to that? 1.00
00:04:49.660 I'd want you to explain why the fuck I'm being stupid. 1.00
00:04:54.700 But you know what it does, it ends up coming down to that, the cycle of the argument, 1.00
00:04:58.460 how women get into arguments with guys and the whole communication.
00:05:00.700 Well, that's it.
00:05:01.260 It sounds like you wanted an argument.
00:05:02.700 Yeah.
00:05:03.020 Sometimes.
00:05:03.420 Because you wanted his attention.
00:05:04.940 Yeah.
00:05:05.340 You wanted his attention.
00:05:06.380 So you'll rev it up.
00:05:07.660 You may have rev it up.
00:05:08.780 No, no, no.
00:05:09.340 You get an argument going, he fires back, you get five minutes of his attention,
00:05:13.500 but he's fired up and he's passionate with you.
00:05:15.340 No.
00:05:15.740 It could be something simple like every day I'll ask you,
00:05:17.660 babe, can you make sure that the dishes that you put in the sink, you wash it?
00:05:20.700 If I've now dealt with that for a whole year and after a year,
00:05:22.940 I'll be like, you know what, babe, I've dealt with you not washing the dishes
00:05:25.740 that I've asked you every single day to make sure you wash.
00:05:29.260 And then you come up with some silly response of, well,
00:05:32.700 I put them in the sink.
00:05:33.980 Yeah.
00:05:34.300 Don't you just accept that he's not going to wash the dishes in the sink?
00:05:37.180 And then just leave it.
00:05:38.060 Just like, hey.
00:05:38.700 Because it's about acceptance.
00:05:39.900 I'm just using an example, but.
00:05:43.420 Babe, get me a dishwasher. 1.00
00:05:44.380 I'm just thinking, what else is the chick there for? 0.99
00:05:53.020 Isn't that your job?
00:05:54.140 No, that was just an example.
00:05:56.060 That is an example.
00:05:58.780 I couldn't think of another example.
00:06:00.060 I just thought this is insane.
00:06:01.260 But I mean, you have to remember, I'm a mother at the end of the day.
00:06:04.060 So I speak to my child all day long.
00:06:05.660 I have to, don't do this.
00:06:06.860 Don't do that.
00:06:07.420 I don't want to have to deal with a man.
00:06:08.780 I said, babe, don't do that. 0.91
00:06:09.820 After that, that's it.
00:06:11.100 I have to keep reminding you not to do something.
00:06:14.220 But so do exactly, live exactly how I want.
00:06:17.180 I am not your mother.
00:06:18.780 But that's the point.
00:06:19.580 Like, you're not supposed to try to control someone.
00:06:21.900 Someone, yeah.
00:06:22.540 Yeah, I know, but.
00:06:23.740 Only after 30, they try to do that.
00:06:25.100 Also, I was going to say.
00:06:27.980 I was also going to say.
00:06:30.940 If that's the way you're even going to put it, ain't no daughter of you 0.94
00:06:33.660 is going to tell me, I told you to wash the plates.
00:06:36.540 Like, in whose house?
00:06:37.260 That was an example.
00:06:39.100 No, but the fact is that how men don't wash their plates.
00:06:42.860 No, but the point is, even if it's an example, that is the way you gave the example.
00:06:46.620 So that's more than likely the way you gave the example.
00:06:47.820 How you do, how you approach it.
00:06:49.180 Is that how you approach, though, on a normal day?
00:06:50.940 No.
00:06:51.260 That's how she's probably going to approach it.
00:06:52.540 Because if that's not how she was going to approach it, she would have given the example.
00:06:54.940 Of the, yeah. 0.99
00:06:56.140 Fucked. 1.00
00:06:56.940 I'm scared of you. 1.00
00:06:57.660 Ladies, we're getting to our family. 0.94
00:06:59.340 I'm scared of you.
00:06:59.820 Stop it.
00:07:00.140 Don't be scared of me.
00:07:01.260 I mean, I'm very, I like to get my point across.
00:07:04.620 Do you get angered very quick by men in a relationship?
00:07:08.300 I would say a few years ago, 1,000%.
00:07:10.060 You did, but now you control your emotions.
00:07:11.740 I've calmed down a lot.
00:07:13.100 Yeah, because it's very much learning to understand the person that you're with.
00:07:17.020 Understanding my wrongs.
00:07:18.620 All right.
00:07:19.260 I feel like, correct me if I'm wrong, so I feel like your preference of communication
00:07:23.580 comes from like, instead of just sweeping on the rug and, you know, leaving you because
00:07:27.740 I realized something about you, let me make sure and confirm this is who you are.
00:07:32.140 And I'm not saying that's the right mindset, because if somebody is not washing the dishes
00:07:35.820 for a year, then they're probably not going to ever wash the dishes, so you need to accept
00:07:38.780 that.
00:07:39.500 But some people would rather communicate, fight through it.
00:07:42.460 And maybe if you get some understanding, you can change somebody's mind, not necessarily
00:07:46.300 change their habits, but change their mind, get some clarity on, this is how you think,
00:07:49.900 this is how you move, this is how the person you are, rather than just sweep it under the rug
00:07:53.820 a year later.
00:07:54.620 Now I'm pissed off.
00:07:55.660 I'm just going to leave you because you've done XYZ.
00:07:58.620 We've had a conversation and you understand.
00:08:01.260 I'm not going to accept this now.
00:08:03.180 I'm going to leave you.
00:08:04.140 Yeah.
00:08:04.540 Can I ask you, if you does wash the dishes, what's your response? 1.00
00:08:07.820 Damn. 0.99
00:08:08.540 Go and Hoover now. 1.00
00:08:09.340 Go and Hoover.
00:08:09.980 You're not Hoovering.
00:08:10.700 You're not Hoovering now.
00:08:13.180 Well, no.
00:08:13.900 Random acts of kindness.
00:08:15.180 I mean, during these conversations, there's always going to be a reason.
00:08:19.020 Like, if I'm stating that there's a problem, yeah, I'm going to say this is the problem.
00:08:23.980 If you can't give me a reason as to why you do what you do, or you don't acknowledge that
00:08:31.020 it's something that irritates me, that is a form of lack of communication.
00:08:35.260 It just needs, I just need, I need the man to be understanding.
00:08:37.740 I hear what you're saying, but I think, I think the truth is, I think it's all about mindset,
00:08:43.260 really.
00:08:43.500 I don't think most men think, I don't even think people should think like that, of like,
00:08:48.860 why do you do something?
00:08:49.740 Why do you do something? 0.91
00:08:50.700 Like, at the end of the day, if I go into the middle of London and start beheading people,
00:08:54.140 does it matter why I did it?
00:08:55.980 You do.
00:08:56.380 You've done it.
00:08:56.940 You've done it.
00:08:57.660 I feel like that was wrong.
00:08:59.020 I don't think, I don't think it matters why, I think what matters is what is.
00:09:01.980 I need the whole story.
00:09:02.940 I need, like, from the start all the way to the end.
00:09:07.100 That's you searching for meaning.
00:09:09.820 Does that not mean that you're lacking meaning somewhere because you're trying to find it
00:09:13.020 in something else outside of yourself?
00:09:14.620 Outside of yourself, yeah.
00:09:15.180 I wouldn't say I'm lacking meaning, no.
00:09:17.580 I'd just say I just like, I need,
00:09:20.700 okay, let me try and phrase this right.
00:09:23.980 I just like somebody who can communicate.
00:09:26.060 I've had relationships where, do you know what the man can tell me? 1.00
00:09:28.060 Do you know what, you're being a dickhead. 0.99
00:09:30.140 And how do you take that? 0.99
00:09:31.980 Yeah, how do you respond to that?
00:09:33.980 No, but wait, didn't you say, didn't you say earlier your first question is, well, why?
00:09:38.060 Yeah, why?
00:09:38.700 That's exhausting to a guy.
00:09:40.060 That means he has to, like, go back.
00:09:41.260 Exactly, but it's exhausting to me too.
00:09:43.020 But the point is, it's like you're looking for an argument when you do that.
00:09:48.060 Like, to a man's point of view.
00:09:49.980 But we just never hear this because we don't really hear the men's point of view.
00:09:53.340 But that whole thing, like, that's exhausting.
00:09:55.100 It is exhausting.
00:09:56.140 And that's why I'd rather just done it.
00:09:58.220 Because if you can't communicate with me, then that's my ick anyways.
00:10:01.660 And for me, it's understanding communication.
00:10:03.500 If you can't do that with me, it's just not manning your communication.
00:10:06.620 When I hear chicks talk about communication, it always, and I'm telling you just how it sounds to me, 1.00
00:10:12.940 do exactly as I want.
00:10:14.780 And I need to tell you every time I'm irritated.
00:10:17.660 Otherwise, there's going to be problems.
00:10:19.420 Not really, because then I wouldn't end up being with some of the people that I have been with,
00:10:23.180 because I would say I've compromised with allowing certain things.
00:10:28.060 Like what?
00:10:29.660 Not willing to piss.
00:10:30.940 Okay, you said it.
00:10:32.220 You said it.
00:10:33.020 That's the only reason a man says certain things.
00:10:35.260 But yeah, I would say I'm willing to compromise with a man.
00:10:39.420 Okay, do you feel like men have compromised on you?
00:10:42.940 Yeah, 1,000%.
00:10:43.740 Okay, so it's like a mutual compromise.
00:10:46.220 Yeah, I can say that.