JustPearlyThings - May 29, 2023


Modern Woman Admits To This


Episode Stats


Length

9 minutes

Words per minute

202.85837

Word count

1,902

Sentence count

2

Harmful content

Misogyny

5

sentences flagged

Hate speech

1

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we talk about toxic men and how to deal with them in our lives. We talk about our own toxic exes and how we dealt with them and how they affected us. We also talk about how toxic men have affected us and what we learned from them.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 i've had some lovely guys and then some not so i the others i think they were just young
00:00:07.280 i don't think they're bad people i don't even think this last one is a bad person i just think
00:00:11.680 he's not you don't think he's a bad person he has i do he has me too i don't know committed
00:00:21.280 identity do you know with his mom premeditated and it made you move to australia for six weeks
00:00:26.320 time to use you i'm gonna be friends with his ex sorry i don't know if he's bad or he's just
00:00:32.960 unwell you know i know he had borderline personality disorder i know when i got with him he was
00:00:36.800 severely anorexic he had a lot of demons that i tried to help him with and equally i'm not gonna
00:00:42.320 lie he helped me with mine so that's why i don't know if he's bad or if he was just so did you know
00:00:48.000 there was demons like early on when we were friends no no but when you started dating him you kind of
00:00:53.280 saw a couple red flags early on oh yeah when it started interviewing with my work so i'm assuming
00:00:58.560 that like you had have guy friends that i'm sure would date you right yeah come on yeah i mean
00:01:06.240 she's a pretty girl yeah yeah so so so what made you go with like the toxic guy over the nice guy
00:01:12.880 it was exciting what it was exciting do you know what i would be so honest about this i appreciate the
00:01:18.640 honesty and um i think this is where my growth period happened i before him i always wanted to
00:01:24.960 be that girl that could be taken care of be driven around in a nice car taken out to nice meals bought 1.00
00:01:29.920 nice bags nice jewelry because i never you know i never had a guy that did that until my ex he bought
00:01:34.560 me he did all of that for me and until i found myself sitting in that ben's with the heated seats
00:01:39.360 i was like i'm really unhappy because this man does not love himself enough to be with me he doesn't
00:01:44.480 know who he is he's unhappy he takes it out on me because he's not secure within himself and now
00:01:52.000 i drive around in my little toyota yaris and i'm just like you know what this is all i need i'm happy
00:01:56.080 now i'm good um i can't remember your question so sorry so so you you almost put up with more because
00:02:05.120 he was rich i think it was more i think at the beginning that enticed me but it wasn't that i actually
00:02:13.360 loved him 100 i loved him i didn't love him i did love him you just you just said it was because of
00:02:19.920 like the cars and it enticed me yeah it enticed me but he didn't he didn't maintain me i financed
00:02:25.680 myself he tried to buy me a car i said no tried to invest in my business i said no he tried to buy
00:02:30.400 me a phone i said no because i even back then i was aware that if we break up you're going to turn
00:02:35.200 around and say give me that back now i don't want to ever be in that position so no you know it
00:02:41.680 enticed me that he could take care of himself he had all these things it inspired me i'm not a
00:02:46.160 gold digger otherwise i would have accepted all those things he offered me it was more i was
00:02:51.760 inspired by his lifestyle i wanted that for myself inspired by his life what does that mean he could
00:02:57.040 drive that car he owned that car he's younger than me i'm like wow i want that okay so i just it just
00:03:03.440 i'm just confused because it kind of it kind of is like you're saying the same thing okay okay you
00:03:08.480 just wanted like the hey hey life really yeah i'm not faulting you for it no you're fine yeah it's
00:03:14.400 cool okay um so what about you guys have you guys ever dated a toxic guy anyone raise your hand
00:03:24.800 raise your hand yeah razor kind of yeah i mean the thing is though when i look back on it i'm like
00:03:31.920 was it really toxic or did i just not know myself was i just not secure in myself um and i think also
00:03:39.520 the word toxic is thrown around so much and you know sometimes when you're talking with your friends
00:03:44.480 and they're just like oh that's so toxic but looking back i'm thinking we were both young he was just
00:03:50.880 doing him and i was just so like you know i don't know i won't say it was toxic maybe on my behalf
00:03:58.160 i had unhealthy attachment but i i looking back on it i wouldn't say he was toxic okay so you don't
00:04:03.600 think he was toxic okay and what about you mine was a hundred thousand percent toxic i just came
00:04:09.520 to the realization as i was saying that out loud that he wasn't toxic i was just like toxic not that i
00:04:16.720 don't know um yeah a million percent i think maybe in my i was the opposite in my head i was trying to
00:04:23.520 make it seem like he wasn't um and i would always defend him like i'd be out here defending him to
00:04:28.960 everyone my parents like my whole family my friends even to him like his family his friends
00:04:34.000 i'm like no this is the guy for me even to myself like become so deluded because i was so in love
00:04:38.560 but i feel like again this love bombing phase in the beginning like maybe i grew attached and fell
00:04:43.360 in love with someone that doesn't actually exist um but yeah it was just the the regular things
00:04:50.800 have just been unfaithful maybe he just couldn't commit and he wasn't the guy for me but for someone
00:04:54.720 else it may not be deemed toxic but for me when i'm with someone i'm very tunnel vision so if they're
00:04:59.600 not the same like what type of toxic things did he do there was a few there was just loads of messages
00:05:07.760 he would just go hot and cold like days weeks no communication i was with him so you're dating him
00:05:13.200 and he didn't talk to you for weeks yeah he would just disappear and be like oh i just don't want to
00:05:17.680 talk or he's sending little messages like oh i just don't want to talk and i'll be like okay when
00:05:21.120 when people go through things i'm someone that i give you space i'm not needy i don't need to be
00:05:25.200 talking to you 24 7 you have your space but then it become a regular thing and i was like either
00:05:29.200 there's something wrong with you or there's something up here um and i'm a big communicator so
00:05:34.240 if you can't talk to me about stuff fine whatever but i will try and try and try but you know in
00:05:39.200 the end i won't bug you um i found condom wrappers just chilling and i was doing the laundry you know
00:05:45.760 being and they've been that good housewife and yeah no it was just a lot and i'd say it's quite
00:05:51.520 damaging but at the same time you learn from it you learn what you don't want and how old were you
00:05:56.720 guys when you dated the toxic guy only recently so 19 20 21. oh so you're you're 21 when you dated him
00:06:04.400 okay that was only like eight months ago okay and then how many how many years were you guys with him
00:06:09.760 so he gave us solidly about a year and a bit and then on and off i'd say two and a half years two
00:06:15.760 and a half years a year and a bit a year and a bit but we were friends for we're like really close
00:06:20.080 friends for two years before that so okay and i'm curious did you guys ever you said you caught him
00:06:24.240 cheating yes yeah not in the act but yeah yeah you caught him cheating i don't think he ever cheated on
00:06:31.920 me but then i don't know at the same time anymore there's so much that i just didn't know
00:06:36.480 i don't want to get into that okay no no worries um when you caught him cheating did you stay or did
00:06:42.800 you leave i left okay but went back shortly after i left the house and then went back and forth and
00:06:52.640 back and forth but yeah it's not a good cycle to be in 100 percent okay would um any of you guys be
00:06:59.360 open to dating a guy um that it's closed on your end but open on his or he would sleep with other
00:07:06.160 girls no no no no ew not that i know about it but you might you might hey it depends it depends
00:07:18.240 yeah okay what about you no no um so i'm going to tweak it a little bit okay um so for me um it's
00:07:27.520 dating to marriage and it's not really dating is in a sense of how you guys would see it it would be
00:07:33.680 we want to get married he'd be talking to my mom my dad my brothers getting to know me with my male
00:07:40.000 family members involved um so i wouldn't uh sorry i forgot the question is it catching i was just
00:07:50.320 asking if you would ever be open to dating a guy where he's able to cheat but you're not basically um
00:07:56.240 so we would be married and if he wanted another wife where i am now um with the mindset that have
00:08:03.360 now um i wouldn't mind if he had another wife but this is not another wife this is being unfaithful
00:08:09.600 but that but i i'm not i don't date men yeah so that's why i said the tweaking i don't like i don't
00:08:16.720 have a boyfriend and i won't have a boyfriend because i'm a muslim woman we don't oh you don't 0.99
00:08:20.640 that's yeah that's strictly forbidden um so would you be okay with your husband sleeping around with
00:08:25.840 loads of different women then i guess that's the tweet not necessarily having one wife it would be 1.00
00:08:30.560 sleeping with those of other women no she said she she said she'd be all right but no she said that
00:08:36.640 what she'd be happy with her husband having another wife yeah yeah not a side piece yeah yeah so but you'd 0.99
00:08:43.200 be okay with two who would be okay with a second wife anyone anyone no no no do you know what she's like 1.00
00:08:48.240 she does everything except the bedroom i'd be happy um so you said no hell no and what about if it was 1.00
00:08:58.880 just like casual stuff and then you're the main girl no why why are you ranking who's casual yeah
00:09:05.440 either one or none simple i feel like it's become normalized to normalize like people who believe in
00:09:11.440 polygamy need to stay with them people they can't try and convert the people who want monogamy in life
00:09:18.240 but they do and that's where this toxic stuff happens but yeah