JustPearlyThings - May 29, 2023


Modern Woman Admits To This


Episode Stats

Length

9 minutes

Words per Minute

202.85837

Word Count

1,902

Sentence Count

2

Misogynist Sentences

5

Hate Speech Sentences

1


Summary


Transcript

00:00:00.000 i've had some lovely guys and then some not so i the others i think they were just young
00:00:07.280 i don't think they're bad people i don't even think this last one is a bad person i just think
00:00:11.680 he's not you don't think he's a bad person he has i do he has me too i don't know committed
00:00:21.280 identity do you know with his mom premeditated and it made you move to australia for six weeks
00:00:26.320 time to use you i'm gonna be friends with his ex sorry i don't know if he's bad or he's just
00:00:32.960 unwell you know i know he had borderline personality disorder i know when i got with him he was
00:00:36.800 severely anorexic he had a lot of demons that i tried to help him with and equally i'm not gonna
00:00:42.320 lie he helped me with mine so that's why i don't know if he's bad or if he was just so did you know
00:00:48.000 there was demons like early on when we were friends no no but when you started dating him you kind of
00:00:53.280 saw a couple red flags early on oh yeah when it started interviewing with my work so i'm assuming
00:00:58.560 that like you had have guy friends that i'm sure would date you right yeah come on yeah i mean
00:01:06.240 she's a pretty girl yeah yeah so so so what made you go with like the toxic guy over the nice guy
00:01:12.880 it was exciting what it was exciting do you know what i would be so honest about this i appreciate the
00:01:18.640 honesty and um i think this is where my growth period happened i before him i always wanted to
00:01:24.960 be that girl that could be taken care of be driven around in a nice car taken out to nice meals bought
00:01:29.920 nice bags nice jewelry because i never you know i never had a guy that did that until my ex he bought
00:01:34.560 me he did all of that for me and until i found myself sitting in that ben's with the heated seats
00:01:39.360 i was like i'm really unhappy because this man does not love himself enough to be with me he doesn't
00:01:44.480 know who he is he's unhappy he takes it out on me because he's not secure within himself and now
00:01:52.000 i drive around in my little toyota yaris and i'm just like you know what this is all i need i'm happy
00:01:56.080 now i'm good um i can't remember your question so sorry so so you you almost put up with more because
00:02:05.120 he was rich i think it was more i think at the beginning that enticed me but it wasn't that i actually
00:02:13.360 loved him 100 i loved him i didn't love him i did love him you just you just said it was because of
00:02:19.920 like the cars and it enticed me yeah it enticed me but he didn't he didn't maintain me i financed
00:02:25.680 myself he tried to buy me a car i said no tried to invest in my business i said no he tried to buy
00:02:30.400 me a phone i said no because i even back then i was aware that if we break up you're going to turn
00:02:35.200 around and say give me that back now i don't want to ever be in that position so no you know it
00:02:41.680 enticed me that he could take care of himself he had all these things it inspired me i'm not a
00:02:46.160 gold digger otherwise i would have accepted all those things he offered me it was more i was
00:02:51.760 inspired by his lifestyle i wanted that for myself inspired by his life what does that mean he could
00:02:57.040 drive that car he owned that car he's younger than me i'm like wow i want that okay so i just it just
00:03:03.440 i'm just confused because it kind of it kind of is like you're saying the same thing okay okay you
00:03:08.480 just wanted like the hey hey life really yeah i'm not faulting you for it no you're fine yeah it's
00:03:14.400 cool okay um so what about you guys have you guys ever dated a toxic guy anyone raise your hand
00:03:24.800 raise your hand yeah razor kind of yeah i mean the thing is though when i look back on it i'm like
00:03:31.920 was it really toxic or did i just not know myself was i just not secure in myself um and i think also
00:03:39.520 the word toxic is thrown around so much and you know sometimes when you're talking with your friends
00:03:44.480 and they're just like oh that's so toxic but looking back i'm thinking we were both young he was just
00:03:50.880 doing him and i was just so like you know i don't know i won't say it was toxic maybe on my behalf
00:03:58.160 i had unhealthy attachment but i i looking back on it i wouldn't say he was toxic okay so you don't
00:04:03.600 think he was toxic okay and what about you mine was a hundred thousand percent toxic i just came
00:04:09.520 to the realization as i was saying that out loud that he wasn't toxic i was just like toxic not that i
00:04:16.720 don't know um yeah a million percent i think maybe in my i was the opposite in my head i was trying to
00:04:23.520 make it seem like he wasn't um and i would always defend him like i'd be out here defending him to
00:04:28.960 everyone my parents like my whole family my friends even to him like his family his friends
00:04:34.000 i'm like no this is the guy for me even to myself like become so deluded because i was so in love
00:04:38.560 but i feel like again this love bombing phase in the beginning like maybe i grew attached and fell
00:04:43.360 in love with someone that doesn't actually exist um but yeah it was just the the regular things
00:04:50.800 have just been unfaithful maybe he just couldn't commit and he wasn't the guy for me but for someone
00:04:54.720 else it may not be deemed toxic but for me when i'm with someone i'm very tunnel vision so if they're
00:04:59.600 not the same like what type of toxic things did he do there was a few there was just loads of messages
00:05:07.760 he would just go hot and cold like days weeks no communication i was with him so you're dating him
00:05:13.200 and he didn't talk to you for weeks yeah he would just disappear and be like oh i just don't want to
00:05:17.680 talk or he's sending little messages like oh i just don't want to talk and i'll be like okay when
00:05:21.120 when people go through things i'm someone that i give you space i'm not needy i don't need to be
00:05:25.200 talking to you 24 7 you have your space but then it become a regular thing and i was like either
00:05:29.200 there's something wrong with you or there's something up here um and i'm a big communicator so
00:05:34.240 if you can't talk to me about stuff fine whatever but i will try and try and try but you know in
00:05:39.200 the end i won't bug you um i found condom wrappers just chilling and i was doing the laundry you know
00:05:45.760 being and they've been that good housewife and yeah no it was just a lot and i'd say it's quite
00:05:51.520 damaging but at the same time you learn from it you learn what you don't want and how old were you
00:05:56.720 guys when you dated the toxic guy only recently so 19 20 21. oh so you're you're 21 when you dated him
00:06:04.400 okay that was only like eight months ago okay and then how many how many years were you guys with him
00:06:09.760 so he gave us solidly about a year and a bit and then on and off i'd say two and a half years two
00:06:15.760 and a half years a year and a bit a year and a bit but we were friends for we're like really close
00:06:20.080 friends for two years before that so okay and i'm curious did you guys ever you said you caught him
00:06:24.240 cheating yes yeah not in the act but yeah yeah you caught him cheating i don't think he ever cheated on
00:06:31.920 me but then i don't know at the same time anymore there's so much that i just didn't know
00:06:36.480 i don't want to get into that okay no no worries um when you caught him cheating did you stay or did
00:06:42.800 you leave i left okay but went back shortly after i left the house and then went back and forth and
00:06:52.640 back and forth but yeah it's not a good cycle to be in 100 percent okay would um any of you guys be
00:06:59.360 open to dating a guy um that it's closed on your end but open on his or he would sleep with other
00:07:06.160 girls no no no no ew not that i know about it but you might you might hey it depends it depends
00:07:18.240 yeah okay what about you no no um so i'm going to tweak it a little bit okay um so for me um it's
00:07:27.520 dating to marriage and it's not really dating is in a sense of how you guys would see it it would be
00:07:33.680 we want to get married he'd be talking to my mom my dad my brothers getting to know me with my male
00:07:40.000 family members involved um so i wouldn't uh sorry i forgot the question is it catching i was just
00:07:50.320 asking if you would ever be open to dating a guy where he's able to cheat but you're not basically um
00:07:56.240 so we would be married and if he wanted another wife where i am now um with the mindset that have
00:08:03.360 now um i wouldn't mind if he had another wife but this is not another wife this is being unfaithful
00:08:09.600 but that but i i'm not i don't date men yeah so that's why i said the tweaking i don't like i don't
00:08:16.720 have a boyfriend and i won't have a boyfriend because i'm a muslim woman we don't oh you don't
00:08:20.640 that's yeah that's strictly forbidden um so would you be okay with your husband sleeping around with
00:08:25.840 loads of different women then i guess that's the tweet not necessarily having one wife it would be
00:08:30.560 sleeping with those of other women no she said she she said she'd be all right but no she said that
00:08:36.640 what she'd be happy with her husband having another wife yeah yeah not a side piece yeah yeah so but you'd
00:08:43.200 be okay with two who would be okay with a second wife anyone anyone no no no do you know what she's like
00:08:48.240 she does everything except the bedroom i'd be happy um so you said no hell no and what about if it was
00:08:58.880 just like casual stuff and then you're the main girl no why why are you ranking who's casual yeah
00:09:05.440 either one or none simple i feel like it's become normalized to normalize like people who believe in
00:09:11.440 polygamy need to stay with them people they can't try and convert the people who want monogamy in life
00:09:18.240 but they do and that's where this toxic stuff happens but yeah