JustPearlyThings - Modern Woman Claims to be TRADITIONAL

00:00:00.000 I think I'm still quite a traditional woman, so I haven't done the dating scene.

00:00:04.800 Traditional women get married before the age of 25.

00:00:07.360 I was married.

00:00:08.520 I am, well, that's why my situation.

00:00:09.820 Okay, traditional women don't get divorced.

00:00:11.400 Well, I'm...

00:00:11.900 You can't be a traditional woman.

00:00:13.240 No, no, I'm not divorced yet.

00:00:15.220 So, I'm not divorced yet.

00:00:16.640 Oh, shit, I thought you said you were single.

00:00:18.400 No, well, it's complicated.

00:00:20.000 When guys hear that you're figuring yourself out, they just think you're sleeping.

00:00:23.180 Yeah, in the streets.

00:00:24.040 And honestly, that's what it sounds like.

00:00:27.480 Like, have you ever been cheated on, and how did you find out?

00:00:32.580 Yeah, I've been cheated on.

00:00:35.060 I've had two boyfriends, and they've both cheated on me.

00:00:38.380 I think the first time I found out was through my friend.

00:00:42.920 She found some messages and sent them to me.

00:00:45.900 And the second time, a video of my boyfriend actually got put on YouTube

00:00:50.280 of him on FaceTime to another girl doing not-so-good things.

00:00:56.040 So, I found the video on YouTube.

00:00:58.160 How did you...

00:00:59.640 Like, how was he filmed?

00:01:01.360 Like, who filmed it?

00:01:02.580 It was, like, someone screen recorded the FaceTime call.

00:01:05.900 And I got a message on Instagram, and this woman basically said, like,

00:01:09.600 if you don't give me money, I'm going to post it.

00:01:12.380 I was like, go ahead, post it.

00:01:13.920 I said, if he's cheating on me, I'm not going to help him.

00:01:16.300 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:01:16.940 Is he famous?

00:01:18.360 Why did they put him on YouTube?

00:01:19.540 I think she just wanted, like, attention.

00:01:25.040 But it got taken down anyway, so.

00:01:28.420 What was he doing on there?

00:01:30.840 Well, you know, when you go on FaceTime, sometimes, like,

00:01:33.380 guys go on FaceTime to a girl, and they'll, you know...

00:01:35.780 Well, he pulled out his schlong.

00:01:37.280 Yeah, like, he was having phone sex with this girl.

00:01:40.640 Oh, what, is he a grower or a shower?

00:01:43.000 Neither.

00:01:43.680 Neither.

00:01:44.520 He said he was a grower, but no, that's a lie.

00:01:47.500 Yeesh.

00:01:48.100 Wow.

00:01:49.000 That is crazy.

00:01:50.240 Wow.

00:01:51.720 Might as well continue going around, yeah.

00:01:54.160 So, yeah, I've been cheated on before once, to my knowledge.

00:02:00.300 And basically, it was a long time ago, but I found out two years later

00:02:03.780 because I started dating without knowing, again, one of his friends.

00:02:08.420 And then his friend told me, oh, by the way, three years ago.

00:02:11.660 What a waste, man.

00:02:12.960 What was the reason?

00:02:14.180 Yeah, it's crazy.

00:02:15.520 What's the point?

00:02:16.140 Crazy.

00:02:16.500 And you're not with that guy no more, are you?

00:02:17.700 Nah, nah.

00:02:18.180 Yeah, because he's a pussy, you know?

00:02:19.840 What's the point of doing that?

00:02:21.020 Yeah, it's crazy.

00:02:22.160 Obviously, by that time, I didn't care, but...

00:02:24.460 What's the point?

00:02:25.440 Maybe you thought it would make him look better or something.

00:02:28.060 Yeah, probably.

00:02:28.540 I mean, it did, to be fair.

00:02:29.440 Would you girls respect a man that does that?

00:02:31.500 No way.

00:02:32.400 No way.

00:02:33.340 Chose is not loyal.

00:02:34.420 I mean, I won't even respect a girl doing that.

00:02:36.260 Do you get what I mean?

00:02:37.140 Like, coming to you as a woman?

00:02:38.340 Not even that.

00:02:39.140 Like, if me, if my friend cheated on a guy and then he was then dating me, I wouldn't

00:02:45.080 be talking about her.

00:02:46.760 Especially at the time, if I didn't tell him, why am I telling him after?

00:02:49.660 You wouldn't really be dating him anyway.

00:02:51.260 I wouldn't date him, but just say, even if it was, even if by coincidence, I didn't know

00:02:55.360 that was her man and he was to come in my life, I wouldn't then, because if I didn't tell

00:02:59.780 him then, why would I tell him now?

00:03:00.800 Do you get what I mean?

00:03:01.540 No point fetching up the past.

00:03:03.360 Yeah, I kind of wish he didn't because I just got hurt for no reason, basically.

00:03:07.200 But it is what it is.

00:03:08.760 Charge it.

00:03:09.940 Did you break up with him immediately?

00:03:13.160 But I wasn't with him anyway.

00:03:15.920 Like, I found out three years later.

00:03:18.360 So I wasn't even with him.

00:03:19.700 It was such a weird one.

00:03:20.780 So, yeah.

00:03:21.240 I guess it was good that you found out later.

00:03:23.020 Yeah, I mean, it's less heartbreaking in that sense, but it still hurts.

00:03:27.440 Like, oh, okay, then.

00:03:28.760 You just don't really need to know.

00:03:29.980 Yeah, like, I'd rather have not known.

00:03:32.040 That's the truth.

00:03:32.680 I was fine.

00:03:33.860 But it is what it is.

00:03:38.920 Okay, go ahead.

00:03:39.540 That's crazy.

00:03:40.740 Damn.

00:03:42.180 Yes, I have been cheated on before.

00:03:44.320 I just had that instinct, to be honest.

00:03:45.840 I just went through his phone.

00:03:47.140 I literally just went on his phone and I saw everything I needed to see.

00:03:51.880 When you seek, you shall find, innit?

00:03:53.340 Yeah, that's what a guy told me.

00:03:54.680 A guy told me, if you look at any time, you'll always find something you have an issue with.

00:03:58.540 I don't think you will.

00:03:59.280 No, but I just got handed the phone and it was right in front of me.

00:04:02.200 It was right in front of me.

00:04:03.500 Oh, damn.

00:04:04.240 So it's like, I was like, oh.

00:04:05.860 What did you find?

00:04:08.780 A lot of messages.

00:04:10.140 Okay, he was like, DMing.

00:04:11.140 For Valentine's Day, I'm going to take him out.

00:04:13.840 I'm like, oh.

00:04:14.640 So you're going with that bitch over there.

00:04:16.220 Okay, have fun.

00:04:17.720 That was literally how it was.

00:04:19.300 Did you dump him right away?

00:04:21.440 Or did you stay with him for a little bit?

00:04:23.420 I stayed.

00:04:24.160 For how long?

00:04:24.920 I stayed.

00:04:26.440 It's always the way.

00:04:27.680 It's like, for four more months.

00:04:30.660 And then did he cheat again?

00:04:33.300 Or then you just...

00:04:34.300 It just got really toxic from there to when it's ages.

00:04:36.320 The trust was lost and it was just all like...

00:04:38.060 That's always the way.

00:04:40.020 If you went through his phone and you didn't find anything,

00:04:43.200 would you have told him you went through his phone?

00:04:45.440 The thing is, so he just kind of like gave me his phone

00:04:47.580 and it was like on open.

00:04:50.020 Yeah.

00:04:50.280 That makes sense.

00:04:50.720 Like all the messages were right in front of me.

00:04:52.400 That was God.

00:04:53.680 That was God.

00:04:54.720 So it's like...

00:04:56.500 I don't know.

00:04:57.380 Maybe I would have told him I went through his phone.

00:04:59.240 Okay.

00:05:00.080 Like, if you...

00:05:01.000 Yeah?

00:05:01.180 I would have, yeah.

00:05:02.020 Okay.

00:05:02.540 Go ahead.

00:05:03.960 Gosh, my story is a bit long.

00:05:05.440 I don't know how much time I've got.

00:05:06.700 You can...

00:05:07.740 If it's interesting, go ahead.

00:05:09.060 Yeah, go ahead.

00:05:09.840 Yeah.

00:05:10.300 It's okay.

00:05:10.880 So basically, his cheating was never confirmed.

00:05:14.620 He's always denied it.

00:05:16.140 Even though I've got substantial evidence to say that he's cheated on me,

00:05:19.400 he will still deny it.

00:05:22.580 He...

00:05:23.340 So at uni, there was three of us or four of us that were friends.

00:05:27.920 There was three guys and then me.

00:05:30.120 And then when I broke up with my partner at the time,

00:05:32.700 I was only about 19 or something,

00:05:34.720 I started dating him.

00:05:36.180 He was like a friend that obviously...

00:05:37.800 I'd known him for about two years.

00:05:39.080 Like homie hopper?

00:05:40.740 Yeah?

00:05:41.820 Yeah, because me, I like to be connected to your mind.

00:05:44.960 Do you get what I mean?

00:05:45.860 And he was...

00:05:46.820 So it was like the friend didn't work out.

00:05:48.240 So you're like, ooh, there's his friend and then...

00:05:50.160 No, no, no, no, no.

00:05:51.060 So he was my friend.

00:05:52.580 Your friend.

00:05:52.980 So we were all mutual friends.

00:05:54.180 He like made it out of the...

00:05:55.480 He made it out of the friend zone.

00:05:56.520 Oh, but he was friends with your ex too?

00:05:59.060 No, no, no.

00:05:59.560 He was all...

00:06:00.140 So we were just a uni friends.

00:06:01.440 We were just a bunch of friends.

00:06:02.940 And then...

00:06:03.220 So yes.

00:06:03.820 When I became single,

00:06:05.100 they all approached me and I chose him.

00:06:07.080 Oh, okay, okay, okay.

00:06:08.140 Yeah.

00:06:08.480 But then you're...

00:06:09.480 There was no connection with it.

00:06:10.920 Yeah.

00:06:11.160 It was just, I was single for the first time

00:06:13.160 and it was just like, okay, cool.

00:06:15.160 So I was dating him.

00:06:17.220 We were together for about, I'll say, two years.

00:06:20.040 And in between that, I found a few things,

00:06:22.240 but he will always deny it.

00:06:23.360 Cool.

00:06:23.860 I then moved into a property

00:06:25.360 with one of our mutual friends' girlfriends.

00:06:28.060 So one of the guys from the circle,

00:06:30.200 his girlfriend and me and her lived together.

00:06:34.140 They then moved in with us

00:06:35.740 because they were meant to get their own property,

00:06:37.000 but it was just like,

00:06:37.700 we might as well just like all live in one place.

00:06:39.860 So it was like, cool.

00:06:40.700 Everyone used to come to our house.

00:06:41.940 It was like the uni little hotspot.

00:06:44.440 My friend that was dating the girl,

00:06:47.020 he went away.

00:06:47.840 So he went to his country

00:06:49.200 and he was there for some time.

00:06:50.760 And I started noticing a different behavior in her.

00:06:53.300 Her pajamas started getting shorter.

00:06:55.720 They started going out at the same time

00:06:57.440 or they'll try to stay in at the same time.

00:06:59.640 And I thought this is getting a bit awkward.

00:07:02.000 Like anyway, she, they then disappeared one day

00:07:05.460 at the same time.

00:07:07.360 She said, she's going to see her mom.

00:07:08.620 He said, he's going to see his mom.

00:07:10.160 And we had a group chat.

00:07:11.420 They're not responding on anything,

00:07:12.720 you know, at the same time.

00:07:13.700 So I thought, is it me?

00:07:15.220 Or like, is this too much of a coincidence?

00:07:17.860 Anyway, when I, when I asked him,

00:07:21.160 well, I said to him,

00:07:22.320 there's definitely someone she's cheating with

00:07:24.020 because she's, you know, dressing up a bit more.

00:07:26.360 She came home that night

00:07:27.400 and she was talking about like, you know,

00:07:29.860 she was talking about some crazy stuff.

00:07:31.220 So I was messaging him like,

00:07:32.400 oh, I think I know like she's definitely cheating,

00:07:34.020 but I think I know who he feels like,

00:07:35.560 yeah, try find out.

00:07:36.780 I was like, okay.

00:07:38.620 So obviously, you know,

00:07:39.700 then the next day he disappeared for the whole night.

00:07:41.800 She disappeared for the whole night.

00:07:42.760 So I thought nothing of it, cool.

00:07:44.440 I went back to the flat alone.

00:07:47.540 The week later,

00:07:48.740 we had all our uni friends come round

00:07:50.540 and one of her dopey friends came

00:07:52.420 and she didn't know how to use Just Eat.

00:07:54.320 So she's taken her laptop now to go and Just Eat.

00:07:57.600 As she's gone on to put the postcode in,

00:07:59.720 she obviously doesn't know how to use the laptop.

00:08:01.180 So I said, okay, let me try use it.

00:08:03.040 I've gone to click on the postcode

00:08:04.620 and it says CR zero.

00:08:06.200 And I'm thinking,

00:08:06.720 she doesn't have no friends in Croydon.

00:08:08.660 Like who the hell,

00:08:09.140 where is she going in Croydon?

00:08:10.460 So I've now memorised the postcode

00:08:12.540 and I'm now going to him like,

00:08:14.180 yo, yo, give me your phone.

00:08:15.140 I think I know who she's cheating with.

00:08:16.380 And he was like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:08:17.640 Try it, try it.

00:08:18.400 Like see what you know.

00:08:19.540 So I've now gone and put in the postcode.

00:08:23.540 Oh, sorry, before I get there.

00:08:25.180 Basically, when he came back from his night away,

00:08:27.920 we had a massive argument.

00:08:29.100 He left the house.

00:08:29.840 I went through his pocket

00:08:30.620 and I saw a receipt for Hallmark Hotel, right?

00:08:33.600 So obviously he came back,

00:08:35.380 he explained that he was at his mum's,

00:08:36.600 but he needed some time away from her.

00:08:38.880 So he just booked a hotel for himself.

00:08:40.920 I said, why didn't you tell me anyway?

00:08:42.280 Yeah, cool.

00:08:42.660 Long story short,

00:08:43.300 he needed some time alone.

00:08:44.820 So as I've now gone to put the postcode on his phone,

00:08:47.260 the pin drops at Hallmark Hotel.

00:08:49.900 Oh, wow.

00:08:51.660 So they were together.

00:08:53.240 Well, this is it.

00:08:54.380 So straight away in the whole group of friends,

00:08:56.120 I've now confronted her and I said,

00:08:57.640 how the hell do you know Hallmark Hotel?

00:08:59.660 And because he's such a good prolific liar,

00:09:03.220 he goes, I made her order me food.

00:09:05.060 I said, sorry.

00:09:07.980 And then he's now told me that he's got her to order food

00:09:10.520 because he couldn't trust anyone else to order food

00:09:13.020 because everyone else would have told me he's at the hotel.

00:09:16.120 So long story short,

00:09:17.360 yeah, I find that he was cheating with my flatmate.

00:09:19.880 And did you break up with him?

00:09:22.080 No, because he convinced me.

00:09:23.800 That it wasn't.

00:09:24.620 That it wasn't.

00:09:25.400 Did he really convince?

00:09:26.360 Like, come on.

00:09:26.820 No, he convinced.

00:09:27.560 When I say,

00:09:28.140 when I say,

00:09:29.300 why I say he convinced me,

00:09:32.840 I called my friend straight away and I said,

00:09:34.180 listen, your girlfriend's a cheat.

00:09:35.780 Blah, blah, blah.

00:09:36.120 This is what's happened.

00:09:37.200 He then spoke to her.

00:09:39.060 Apparently she showed proof that they were,

00:09:41.600 they called for the food or whatever.

00:09:43.880 So he then convinced me that his girlfriend wasn't cheating on him.

00:09:47.680 He then made me feel bad that I'm even making such a big allegation.

00:09:51.240 I still said, yeah, I'm still moving out.

00:09:52.760 I'm not going to lie.

00:09:53.640 Like I gave him my notice.

00:09:55.720 So yeah, he convinced me that they didn't do a thing.

00:09:58.880 So how long did you stay with him after that?

00:10:01.720 A good two more years.

00:10:02.940 Two more years.

00:10:03.740 And are you,

00:10:04.420 are you the most interesting part?

00:10:07.740 What made you switch like from being convinced to not convinced?

00:10:11.200 I was never not.

00:10:12.460 I was never fully not convinced.

00:10:14.000 Okay.

00:10:14.320 So yeah.

00:10:14.780 So you said he convinced you.

00:10:17.180 Yeah.

00:10:17.380 He tried convincing me.

00:10:18.660 So obviously I still stayed there.

00:10:20.660 So, okay.

00:10:21.540 This is where I'm a little confused.

00:10:23.360 You were, you were convinced or you were not convinced?

00:10:25.660 I was still like,

00:10:26.520 I was like,

00:10:26.720 I thought you maybe found more evidence later.

00:10:28.780 No, I found more evidence later.

00:10:30.080 Oh, okay.

00:10:30.660 I definitely found more evidence.

00:10:31.740 So I know that he definitely did,

00:10:33.000 but he still would deny it.

00:10:34.120 Okay.

00:10:34.800 Okay.

00:10:35.420 Yeah.

00:10:35.760 What was the interesting?

00:10:36.980 So what was interesting is,

00:10:38.500 so a couple of years later now,

00:10:40.540 university has happened and we've all graduated.

00:10:42.760 You know,

00:10:42.980 she was a bitch on graduation.

00:10:44.240 Cool.

00:10:45.780 We've all,

00:10:46.860 me and my friend,

00:10:47.780 we broke up because he felt like we,

00:10:49.220 I broke up the friendship.

00:10:50.360 Cool.

00:10:51.380 Then a couple of years later,

00:10:52.420 I was at home.

00:10:54.160 We should like,

00:10:54.520 we were living together.

00:10:55.120 And then I was going through,

00:10:57.680 I was on laptop and we used to download,

00:10:59.260 you know,

00:10:59.440 like we had LimeWire or whatever then.

00:11:01.040 So you download shows.

00:11:02.600 And as I was going on a show to watch the profile,

00:11:06.020 a folder came up and it said,

00:11:07.500 please insert USB.

00:11:08.880 And her name was a show that we used to watch.

00:11:11.220 So I won't say the show because obviously it was disclosed who she is,

00:11:14.540 but it was,

00:11:15.240 she had,

00:11:15.720 so I thought it's the show that he was watching,

00:11:17.160 right?

00:11:17.820 It was on his recently viewed.

00:11:19.260 So I've gone to click it and it says,

00:11:20.480 oh,

00:11:20.620 please insert the USB.

00:11:22.500 So he used to always have USB on his keys.

00:11:24.820 So I've now inserted the first one and it wasn't showing.

00:11:26.960 So I inserted the second one and it came up with a folder and it had all her

00:11:30.980 pictures.

00:11:31.600 Oh wow.

00:11:32.820 So I've now gone onto my computer to go see what,

00:11:35.840 like what's on,

00:11:36.660 what else is on there.

00:11:37.620 And there was no folders,

00:11:39.120 like no files.

00:11:39.900 And I was like,

00:11:40.340 this is so confusing.

00:11:41.180 And I was,

00:11:41.620 I'm not tech savvy.

00:11:42.540 Like I don't do technology.

00:11:44.000 So I've had to now go on Google,

00:11:45.600 find how to unhide folders.

00:11:47.940 I've gone to unhide folders and there was about 60 folders of girls pictures

00:11:52.900 that he must've been chatting to over the time.

00:11:54.980 And he was saving them.

00:11:57.180 Wow.

00:11:57.720 Wait,

00:11:58.020 so he just had a file.

00:12:00.320 Oh,

00:12:02.560 were they like naked?

00:12:03.840 Explicit.

00:12:04.200 Yeah.

00:12:04.400 Whatever,

00:12:04.660 like whatever folders he had.

00:12:06.380 Like,

00:12:06.640 so,

00:12:07.060 so when,

00:12:07.920 so when was that?

00:12:09.120 That was,

00:12:09.440 that was the end of our relationship.

00:12:10.800 Okay.

00:12:10.940 That,

00:12:11.280 then it actually ended.

00:12:12.320 Yeah.

00:12:12.640 Okay.

00:12:13.540 Yeah.

00:12:13.800 Then I found out that he was actually then cheating on me with his ex.

00:12:17.460 Oh,

00:12:17.780 so that's what,

00:12:18.440 how many,

00:12:18.860 how many girls total?

00:12:21.240 A lot.

00:12:21.940 I,

00:12:22.200 I still wouldn't,

00:12:23.060 he was still denied,

00:12:23.700 but I,

00:12:23.960 what did you,

00:12:24.740 with the,

00:12:25.680 wait,

00:12:25.860 wait,

00:12:26.080 wait,

00:12:26.180 let me get this straight.

00:12:27.300 How did he deny it?

00:12:28.620 So,

00:12:28.960 so you found,

00:12:29.740 you found a picture,

00:12:31.380 like a whole folder of naked girls,

00:12:33.500 multiple pictures,

00:12:34.440 not even just naked.

00:12:35.420 The,

00:12:35.660 some might've been just innocent ones,

00:12:37.680 but it was a part of his collection.

00:12:39.160 And he said,

00:12:39.600 and he said that this is nothing.

00:12:42.200 Yeah.

00:12:42.380 He told me that he,

00:12:43.780 she only like the girl,

00:12:45.140 the flatmate only sent him pictures because he was giving her advice on what to wear.

00:12:49.540 I was like,

00:12:49.840 what you got caught in like,

00:12:51.380 what do you mean you're advising her?

00:12:53.000 But yeah,

00:12:53.560 there was,

00:12:54.040 it was obviously,

00:12:54.880 you know,

00:12:55.320 um,

00:12:55.920 he tried lying as much as he could.

00:12:57.740 Okay.

00:12:58.160 And then that was the end of the relationship.

00:12:59.860 Yeah.

00:13:00.180 Then,

00:13:00.440 yeah.

00:13:01.120 Okay.

00:13:01.980 Um,

00:13:02.300 I can't,

00:13:02.760 I can't even compete.

00:13:04.040 Was there,

00:13:04.600 wait,

00:13:04.820 wait,

00:13:05.080 actually,

00:13:05.560 was there anything we missed in the story?

00:13:07.040 Okay.

00:13:07.260 So basically,

00:13:07.820 his ex at the time,

00:13:17.020 I used to see messages from a girl called S coming up and I had doubts.

00:13:20.620 It was his ex.

00:13:21.280 Right.

00:13:21.520 And he was like,

00:13:22.080 no,

00:13:22.260 no,

00:13:22.380 no,

00:13:22.560 it's not.

00:13:23.380 Anyway,

00:13:23.640 when I found that them pictures,

00:13:24.980 he then said,

00:13:25.660 you know what?

00:13:25.960 I can't do this anymore.

00:13:26.900 Like I'm done.

00:13:27.880 You're always doubting me.

00:13:28.860 I said,

00:13:29.040 yeah,

00:13:29.160 cause there's reasons.

00:13:30.380 Cool.

00:13:30.980 Then obviously he broke up with me.

00:13:33.080 Then the next day I had taken the number S's number and I called it the next day and I said,

00:13:38.060 Oh,

00:13:38.220 Hey,

00:13:38.840 so-and-so is,

00:13:40.140 you know,

00:13:40.740 who with you?

00:13:42.140 And I heard him start laughing in the background and he had a very specific laugh.

00:13:47.000 So it confirmed that he was with her,

00:13:49.080 but obviously she denied it.

00:13:50.040 She was like,

00:13:50.340 why would I be with him?

00:13:51.860 But yeah,

00:13:52.200 she was.

00:13:52.380 So,

00:13:52.720 so you kind of had like red flags,

00:13:54.380 like all four years,

00:13:55.300 would you say?

00:13:56.780 Pretty much.

00:13:57.440 Yeah.

00:13:57.480 Pretty much.

00:13:57.960 Yeah.

00:13:58.440 Okay.

00:13:58.920 And I stayed like a dumb girl.

00:14:00.620 Yeah.

00:14:01.080 Okay.

00:14:01.360 But the first instance you caught him cheating,

00:14:03.180 you stayed.

00:14:04.500 Well,

00:14:04.800 obviously I had the doubts over the four years.

00:14:06.800 Yeah.

00:14:06.900 Yeah.

00:14:07.040 Yeah.

00:14:07.240 Go ahead.

00:14:07.560 I've never had an experience like that.

00:14:12.440 Or I don't know if a man's cheating on me.

00:14:14.800 I don't know about it.

00:14:15.980 I don't search,

00:14:16.880 you know?

00:14:17.780 Yeah.

00:14:18.740 You don't know.

00:14:19.660 No,

00:14:19.900 no.

00:14:20.000 I don't know.

00:14:20.500 It might've happened,

00:14:21.300 but you just don't know.

00:14:21.960 I just don't know.

00:14:22.640 I don't look for,

00:14:23.480 the thing is with men,

00:14:24.520 if you look for it,

00:14:25.200 you'll find it.

00:14:25.860 If you want to,

00:14:26.460 you'll find it.

00:14:27.720 Talking to your,

00:14:28.320 you got to find it.

00:14:29.280 Oh yeah.

00:14:29.680 Same problem.

00:14:31.120 Yeah.

00:14:31.500 I don't look for that kind of thing.

00:14:32.980 So yeah,

00:14:33.520 as far as I know,

00:14:34.520 no,

00:14:34.960 but maybe.

00:14:36.320 Okay.

00:14:36.600 Um,

00:14:37.280 let's start here.

00:14:38.500 Yeah.

00:14:38.760 Um,

00:14:39.460 I reckon I have,

00:14:40.440 I never really saw anything in particular,

00:14:43.760 but I had very strong convictions that I was.

00:14:47.100 And then,

00:14:47.680 you know,

00:14:47.820 like when this is why I say,

00:14:48.980 sometimes men lie on provoked.

00:14:50.220 Talk to your mic.

00:14:50.880 Sorry.

00:14:51.180 Yeah.

00:14:51.300 Men lie on provoked because I,

00:14:54.140 I knew,

00:14:55.200 but then I'd ask him and then sometimes he'd say no.

00:14:58.820 And then other times he'd be like,

00:15:00.460 okay,

00:15:00.560 yeah.

00:15:00.960 Cause you know what?

00:15:01.440 I'm making full safe.

00:15:02.440 I'm like,

00:15:02.680 no,

00:15:02.820 just tell me the truth.

00:15:03.780 It's fine.

00:15:04.460 And then he's like,

00:15:08.440 okay.

00:15:08.960 Yeah.

00:15:09.620 And then in other times when I do bring up,

00:15:11.860 he's like,

00:15:12.300 I didn't say that.

00:15:12.860 I'm like,

00:15:13.040 yeah,

00:15:13.200 yeah,

00:15:13.380 you did.

00:15:13.720 So I never really found anything properly,

00:15:16.400 but I just,

00:15:17.300 I really need.

00:15:18.000 You think you want to know,

00:15:19.480 you don't.

00:15:21.180 No,

00:15:21.380 do you know what?

00:15:21.660 I can handle the truth.

00:15:22.680 I never ask questions if I can't handle the answer.

00:15:25.520 Like I will be ignorant.

00:15:26.640 I will happily live ignorantly,

00:15:28.260 but I would ask a question when I know that I can handle the truth.

00:15:31.000 And I think it doesn't matter what it is.

00:15:33.360 It doesn't matter how bad it is.

00:15:35.100 Please always tell me the truth.

00:15:36.040 Yeah.

00:15:36.460 I don't care how bad it is.

00:15:37.460 Yeah.

00:15:37.980 It's easier just to be truthful.

00:15:39.640 Waste like,

00:15:40.340 don't waste anybody's time.

00:15:41.620 And I hate it when men are like,

00:15:43.000 Oh,

00:15:43.120 you can't handle the truth.

00:15:44.100 And it's like,

00:15:44.500 no,

00:15:44.700 I can handle the truth a lot better than you're lying.

00:15:46.600 I think sometimes women say you can handle the truth,

00:15:53.600 but you actually can't,

00:15:54.940 because I think,

00:15:56.040 and I think that's why a lot of guys would then lie,

00:15:58.080 even after you tell them,

00:15:58.960 because a lot of women would be like,

00:16:00.460 just tell me and we'll talk about it.

00:16:02.920 But when he then tells you the truth,

00:16:04.280 it's now a whole,

00:16:05.080 it's a whole thing.

00:16:05.940 You can't,

00:16:06.200 you don't,

00:16:06.780 you don't have a proper conversation about it,

00:16:08.480 which is why a lot of them lie about it.

00:16:09.680 Do you know where a lot of girls go wrong?

00:16:11.440 Men will test whether they can be truthful with you throughout the relationship.

00:16:14.600 And you don't clock those little tests where you might say,

00:16:16.600 say something and see how you respond to it.

00:16:18.000 It might not be a big thing,

00:16:18.940 but that response tells us a lot about how you behave.

00:16:21.060 Yeah.

00:16:21.340 So when it comes to the big things,

00:16:22.480 there's no way you're going to tell you anything.

00:16:23.780 No,

00:16:23.920 but you know what it is?

00:16:24.720 The response she gives you when she first finds out,

00:16:26.840 when she says she can handle the truth,

00:16:28.380 is going to be far better than when she finds out you've lied to her,

00:16:32.080 because that's when she's vandalizing your car.

00:16:33.900 Do you get what I mean?

00:16:34.840 If he gets caught.

00:16:35.860 If he gets caught,

00:16:37.060 the reactions are far worse.

00:16:38.380 So even if she says she can handle it and she reacts,

00:16:40.680 it's going to be a lot more better than when she finds out that you've lied on top of that.

00:16:44.960 I've seen women with the same energy.

00:16:47.680 Can't even lie to you.

00:16:48.440 I'm like,

00:16:48.820 I get why the guy was scared.

00:16:50.660 Well,

00:16:50.740 you two cheated in the first place.

00:16:52.140 I think guys can't handle the truth even more though.

00:16:54.340 I don't think guys can handle the truth any better.

00:16:56.940 No,

00:16:57.120 they can't.

00:16:57.640 They definitely can't.

00:16:58.460 I will die.

00:16:59.820 I will die on the spot.

00:17:00.760 Your egos get so bruised.

00:17:02.080 My immune system will shut down.

00:17:03.320 I'll say this all the time.

00:17:04.000 I will die on the spot.

00:17:05.080 If we told you the truth about all the things that we thought when you asked for our opinion,

00:17:08.840 where?

00:17:09.400 Dead.

00:17:09.720 Yeah,

00:17:10.080 I'm honest.

00:17:11.200 I'll die.

00:17:11.880 Don't do it.

00:17:12.640 I'll end up in hospital.

00:17:14.580 I'm glad that you admit that.

00:17:16.260 100%.

00:17:16.860 Ego's fragile.

00:17:18.380 Serious.

00:17:19.600 What about you,

00:17:20.880 auntie?

00:17:22.280 Yeah,

00:17:22.760 a few times.

00:17:23.580 A few times.

00:17:24.960 I can think of two different times.

00:17:29.820 And once,

00:17:31.140 boyfriend at the time was supposed to,

00:17:33.360 we're supposed to go out.

00:17:34.240 He didn't turn up.

00:17:35.200 So,

00:17:36.140 I went to his house and young lady answered the door.

00:17:38.460 Oh,

00:17:38.640 wow.

00:17:39.920 That's rich.

00:17:40.700 I just said,

00:17:41.240 hi.

00:17:42.040 I asked for him.

00:17:45.400 And I says,

00:17:46.000 you know,

00:17:47.320 and she goes,

00:17:48.740 oh,

00:17:48.920 he's upstairs.

00:17:49.560 I said,

00:17:49.780 oh,

00:17:49.920 I'll come up.

00:17:50.480 And he was in bed.

00:17:55.180 He's saying threesome.

00:17:56.140 And he just looked like,

00:17:57.260 threesome.

00:17:57.900 He looks like I have a heart attack.

00:17:59.200 Like,

00:17:59.240 you just see all the colour just drained out of his face.

00:18:03.240 And I just said,

00:18:03.800 hi.

00:18:05.700 And she said,

00:18:06.480 would you like a cup of coffee?

00:18:07.540 I said,

00:18:07.740 yes,

00:18:08.000 please.

00:18:08.320 She went downstairs to get the coffee and he looked at me and I said,

00:18:13.140 what do you want me to say?

00:18:14.640 Do you want me to freak out?

00:18:16.040 I said,

00:18:16.580 nah,

00:18:16.900 I'm not going to do that.

00:18:17.760 I said,

00:18:17.940 the poor girl,

00:18:18.540 I said,

00:18:18.720 she don't know any different.

00:18:20.000 And she's come up and she was just like,

00:18:21.640 hi.

00:18:22.140 And she's trying to cuddle him in bed because they were in bed.

00:18:25.540 And he's sort of like,

00:18:26.880 and I'm saying to her,

00:18:27.440 is that your man?

00:18:28.420 And she said,

00:18:28.940 yeah.

00:18:29.180 I said,

00:18:29.780 hug him up,

00:18:30.460 girl.

00:18:32.760 So,

00:18:33.080 were you the main chick or the side chick?

00:18:35.840 I was the main.

00:18:36.760 You were the main?

00:18:37.340 Yeah,

00:18:37.540 but that was it.

00:18:38.360 But I just,

00:18:38.780 after that,

00:18:39.460 I just terrorised him nicely.

00:18:41.440 Who did she think you were?

00:18:42.360 You did the right thing to torment.

00:18:43.220 She thought I was his friend.

00:18:45.220 Oh,

00:18:46.060 well,

00:18:46.220 why would you?

00:18:46.940 She thought I was his friend.

00:18:48.520 Because I've got a lot of male friends and she always saw us with a lot of men together.

00:18:53.660 But obviously the energy you came with as well,

00:18:55.420 wouldn't be someone that you would assume was a big guy.

00:18:58.340 Because you're very calm and collective.

00:18:59.620 What am I supposed to do?

00:19:00.300 It's not her fault.

00:19:00.920 No,

00:19:01.120 but I should say most girls,

00:19:02.160 the instant response be to run upstairs.

00:19:03.640 They've been trying to grab a plate and do something.

00:19:06.740 That's my time.

00:19:07.420 I was like,

00:19:07.840 hi,

00:19:08.160 I'm here,

00:19:08.480 I'm coming.

00:19:09.080 You wanted to talk to him.

00:19:10.400 You wanted to talk to him.

00:19:11.440 Yeah,

00:19:11.600 as you should.

00:19:12.420 Listen,

00:19:12.820 right,

00:19:13.000 as far as she was concerned,

00:19:13.900 I was his friend.

00:19:14.700 I became her friend too.

00:19:16.260 Oh.

00:19:16.460 She was throwing me up.

00:19:18.660 I'd pop round there like when I was talking to the guys,

00:19:21.200 because we'd all hang out round there.

00:19:22.320 So I'd pop round.

00:19:23.060 She said,

00:19:23.360 oh,

00:19:23.500 he's not in,

00:19:24.040 you know,

00:19:24.520 I'm just cooking.

00:19:25.600 I've got to pop round to the shop to get some.

00:19:27.180 I'd find him,

00:19:27.560 I'd say,

00:19:27.720 this is what you're having for dinner,

00:19:28.640 right?

00:19:30.680 This is what you're having for dinner.

00:19:32.420 Yeah,

00:19:32.720 he used to want to play it at parties for me.

00:19:35.040 And then he wouldn't invite her.

00:19:36.100 I'm like,

00:19:36.620 what do you mean you're not coming?

00:19:37.860 Tell him I invited you.

00:19:39.540 It's my party.

00:19:40.300 He's playing at.

00:19:40.980 I think he cheated on her because another time I just saw all of his car had all paint all over it.

00:19:50.880 Oh,

00:19:51.080 wow.

00:19:51.540 And I was just like,

00:19:52.600 what happened to your car?

00:19:55.300 Like,

00:19:55.700 it wasn't me.

00:19:56.660 That became a drama for you.

00:19:57.800 No,

00:19:57.920 I wouldn't do that.

00:19:58.500 I wouldn't do that.

00:19:59.220 I wouldn't do that.

00:19:59.520 It's not worth it.

00:20:00.400 What am I going to argue with her?

00:20:01.720 What am I supposed to do?

00:20:03.080 It's not her fault.

00:20:04.380 So moral of the story is pull up.

00:20:06.780 Nah.

00:20:07.500 No,

00:20:07.940 don't ever come to your own party.

00:20:09.220 Pull up to the house.

00:20:09.760 I think it's more insane to like torture him over like time.

00:20:14.540 Then just like go ham on him.

00:20:16.080 Because you could have easily just taken their jaw off and then that'd be it.

00:20:18.460 Over,

00:20:18.780 done with.

00:20:19.500 No,

00:20:19.640 do you know that?

00:20:19.920 Taking whose jaw off?

00:20:21.220 Whose jaw?

00:20:21.580 The guys.

00:20:22.200 Not the girls.

00:20:22.840 No,

00:20:23.520 take his jaw off and then walk around and just forget about it.

00:20:26.140 I hurt my hands.

00:20:27.020 I hurt my hands.

00:20:27.040 I could never hit a man because if he hit me back,

00:20:32.220 it'll hurt.

00:20:32.900 So I would prove that.

00:20:33.800 If I hit a man,

00:20:34.660 I'd expect him to hit me back.

00:20:35.860 But that's what I'm saying.

00:20:36.420 That's why I don't hit men.

00:20:37.560 That's stupid.

00:20:38.280 I'm not going to hit a man and knowing that he's going to hit me back.

00:20:41.440 Do you know what I mean?

00:20:42.040 No way.

00:20:42.760 Because I believe that if you hit somebody,

00:20:44.840 they're going to hit you back.

00:20:45.200 Yeah,

00:20:45.220 they've got to hit you back.

00:20:45.860 Exactly.

00:20:45.980 I'm not hitting anyone.

00:20:47.260 Yeah.

00:20:47.500 And another time I got cheated on,

00:20:50.140 I was a supervisor in a bus garage and I got a phone call.

00:20:54.960 My boyfriend was a night bus driver and I got a phone call and they passed a message

00:21:00.200 on to this person and I said,

00:21:02.280 yeah,

00:21:02.480 can I ask you to speak?

00:21:03.280 And she said,

00:21:03.700 his girlfriend.

00:21:04.980 I said,

00:21:05.360 okay then.

00:21:06.320 And I'd been seeing him for a couple of years.

00:21:08.600 And when he was on his break,

00:21:09.980 I said,

00:21:10.260 oh,

00:21:10.660 can I have a word?

00:21:11.220 He said,

00:21:11.440 yeah,

00:21:11.620 no problem.

00:21:12.580 I said,

00:21:12.900 your girlfriend phoned.

00:21:14.140 She wants you to phone her back.

00:21:16.140 He flipped out.

00:21:17.420 I was so calm.

00:21:18.360 He freaked out.

00:21:20.200 I said to the manager,

00:21:21.160 I said,

00:21:21.380 you're going to need a new driver in a couple of months.

00:21:23.100 Within a couple of months,

00:21:23.780 he was gone.

00:21:25.960 That was it.

00:21:27.540 And that was one.

00:21:28.540 And the thing is,

00:21:29.220 I made him,

00:21:29.860 we had like this relationship contract that I'd signed and laminated and got him to sign.

00:21:35.180 And it was like,

00:21:35.900 you tell me because I find that you cheat.

00:21:37.720 That's it.

00:21:38.400 Yeah,

00:21:38.640 no,

00:21:38.840 I hear that.

00:21:39.140 So he just flipped out.

00:21:40.220 It was in a personal contract you wrote up.

00:21:42.500 Yeah.

00:21:42.920 Typed it and everything.

00:21:44.240 Oh,

00:21:44.520 wow.

00:21:45.180 Laminated it,

00:21:45.840 got to sign it.

00:21:46.760 Of what I expected.

00:21:47.900 And you break any one of them.

00:21:49.000 That's it.

00:21:49.580 Do you do that with my boyfriend?

00:21:51.420 No,

00:21:51.680 but I feel that I needed it to do with him.

00:21:54.600 I feel like I can start doing that.

00:21:56.160 Why didn't you freak out?

00:21:57.820 Like so many girls when that happens,

00:21:59.800 I think a lot of times we have a hard time like remaining calm.

00:22:03.980 How were you able to control your emotions?

00:22:05.800 I didn't take it personally.

00:22:06.680 He's just a man.

00:22:07.760 And he's just,

00:22:08.480 it was there available.

00:22:09.400 And he just,

00:22:10.120 it happens,

00:22:10.740 isn't it?

00:22:10.960 Take notes.

00:22:11.920 So,

00:22:12.120 you know,

00:22:12.500 I didn't take it personally.

00:22:14.020 I mean,

00:22:14.200 I didn't think,

00:22:14.800 yeah,

00:22:14.960 oh my God,

00:22:15.420 she's sexier than me or she can do this.

00:22:17.580 I just thought the opportunity came up.

00:22:19.500 Cause as far as I'm concerned,

00:22:21.100 you got a few more friends,

00:22:22.260 go ahead.

00:22:22.760 Because it could be a female friend you're going to sleep with.

00:22:24.860 It could be a woman down the road that you meet up.

00:22:27.040 So it don't really matter.

00:22:27.940 So I'm not going to say you can't have female friends.

00:22:30.120 So he had female friends and that was one of them.

00:22:32.380 So,

00:22:32.800 um,

00:22:33.560 did you break up with him after that?

00:22:35.020 Oh,

00:22:35.140 instantly.

00:22:35.500 He knew it was over cause he signed the contract.

00:22:38.040 Yeah.

00:22:38.220 And what about the other one?

00:22:39.780 Instantly.

00:22:40.380 Instantly.

00:22:40.740 Yeah.

00:22:41.260 What do you think of girls that stay in those situations?

00:22:43.800 Do you think that's good or bad?

00:22:46.200 Then they're going to start talking about trauma after that.

00:22:50.500 It's up to them,

00:22:51.760 but whatever you get,

00:22:52.680 I mean,

00:22:52.860 if it can happen once,

00:22:53.920 I mean,

00:22:54.140 you can accept it if you want to accept it,

00:22:56.000 but if you accept it,

00:22:58.660 then put up with it in it.

00:22:59.840 Don't say nothing.

00:23:00.940 Yeah.

00:23:01.100 Cause a lot of times like we accepted it and then complain about trauma

00:23:04.120 later,

00:23:04.580 but like we accepted it.

00:23:05.900 Yeah.

00:23:06.460 We put ourselves through it.

00:23:07.700 Yeah.

00:23:08.160 I'll give that.

00:23:08.740 I mean,

00:23:09.040 you got to think to yourself,

00:23:10.060 what value are you putting on yourself that you're staying?

00:23:12.560 I think a lot of,

00:23:13.760 um,

00:23:14.300 women stay with men.

00:23:15.780 I think young,

00:23:16.720 like when,

00:23:17.060 when I was younger,

00:23:17.540 I was like,

00:23:17.840 no,

00:23:18.060 I'd never tolerate a man cheating or whatever,

00:23:19.500 but it's harder when you're in a relationship,

00:23:21.560 especially when you're emotionally involved for you to just up and leave.

00:23:24.920 I think modern women like being cheated on.

00:23:27.460 Do you think?

00:23:27.840 But that's cause,

00:23:29.040 but that's cause modern women think men are monogamous.

00:23:32.000 No,

00:23:32.300 the women are stupid.

00:23:33.340 No,

00:23:33.580 I think.

00:23:34.460 Cause the men are saying they're not.

00:23:35.700 No,

00:23:35.920 I'm just saying only one out of three men are either virgins or haven't had sex in the

00:23:39.440 past year.

00:23:39.920 If you wanted a man that didn't cheat,

00:23:41.180 you could find one pretty easy.

00:23:42.560 But they're the ones that you're not attracted to.

00:23:44.460 You,

00:23:44.720 what?

00:23:46.080 Monogamous men that often might not cheat on you.

00:23:48.480 Aren't the ones that women are attracted to.

00:23:50.060 Cause women like men that are like alpha.

00:23:52.720 Well,

00:23:52.980 women find 80% of men unattractive.

00:23:54.840 So most women are sleeping out of their league or dating out of their league.

00:23:57.780 And so if you choose to do that,

00:23:59.420 that's what comes with it.

00:24:00.800 Yeah.

00:24:01.060 And most of them guys that everyone goes for is going to be a select pack.

00:24:05.140 Yeah.

00:24:05.420 Yeah.

00:24:05.700 That's,

00:24:06.000 but that's the thing.

00:24:06.800 Yeah.

00:24:07.820 So I'm saying like,

00:24:08.400 if we like those guys,

00:24:09.520 how can we be mad that they cheat?

00:24:11.560 Because there's lots of guys that don't.

00:24:13.180 And I think this is the problem is because in society now where we don't allow men to

00:24:17.200 be polygamous,

00:24:18.440 especially in the Western countries.

00:24:19.920 And then that's the men that are often caught in cheating and families are breaking.

00:24:23.220 Whereas like parts of Asian Africa where polygamy is a lot more accepted.

00:24:26.700 Men have their children,

00:24:28.180 multiple wives and they raise them and their society is a lot more stable.

00:24:32.260 But don't you think that the onus should be on the men to know what they can and cannot

00:24:35.680 do so for me,

00:24:36.740 if you know that you're a man who wants to have multiple women,

00:24:40.780 you should know what you want and you should make that clear.

00:24:42.800 A hundred percent.

00:24:43.460 So a hundred percent.

00:24:44.380 I don't,

00:24:44.700 I'm not here for you being in a monogamous relationship.

00:24:47.380 Cause I've had guys say that where they're in a monogamous relationship,

00:24:50.400 they cheat and then they come and tell me,

00:24:52.560 well,

00:24:53.580 by nature,

00:24:54.240 our men are not men to be.

00:24:55.060 Yeah.

00:24:55.580 Babes,

00:24:56.020 then you should have known that.

00:24:56.900 You should not be in a monogamous relationship.

00:24:57.840 A caveat,

00:24:58.820 a caveat though.

00:25:00.060 I think most of the modern men don't want a second wife.

00:25:03.980 They want a side,

00:25:05.680 a side piece.

00:25:06.600 So they want to remain monogamous to the one that they love,

00:25:09.220 but they have a little,

00:25:10.220 little step out.

00:25:10.860 Do you know what's crazy?

00:25:12.220 I don't think so.

00:25:13.140 Do you know what's crazy?

00:25:13.700 There are women who want open relationships too.

00:25:16.740 So you just have to find that.

00:25:18.120 But for me,

00:25:18.600 but for me,

00:25:19.160 I have an issue with dishonesty.

00:25:21.780 When you,

00:25:22.260 when a woman communicates to you and lets you know that she just wants,

00:25:25.480 she wants monogamy and you say,

00:25:27.620 I want that too.

00:25:28.920 But then that's not the reality of what you're living because there are women,

00:25:32.040 there's,

00:25:32.340 there's somebody for everybody.

00:25:33.820 So if you want to,

00:25:34.740 if you want to be with someone and you don't want to be tied,

00:25:37.040 tied down,

00:25:37.800 I think women are in a,

00:25:38.760 in a different age now where a lot of women don't actually want to be tied

00:25:42.000 down too.

00:25:42.700 So you can easily find that.

00:25:44.280 But I think that women aren't honest with ourselves and like kind of lie

00:25:47.880 because I'm sorry,

00:25:49.680 a lot of times girls will date a guy and they know he's a cheater.

00:25:52.000 They know he gets girls.

00:25:53.620 It's like,

00:25:53.900 what did you think would happen?

00:25:54.900 But even,

00:25:55.480 even there's a lot of women that entertain men that are in relationships or are married

00:25:59.260 or even,

00:26:00.040 you know,

00:26:00.500 there's,

00:26:00.800 there was a guy that actually like he's,

00:26:02.380 he speaks on polygamy,

00:26:04.400 well,

00:26:04.620 polygyny.

00:26:05.240 So the man being able to have multiple,

00:26:06.900 not women.

00:26:07.840 And,

00:26:08.060 um,

00:26:08.640 so he recently sort of messaged me about,

00:26:11.440 you know,

00:26:11.740 would,

00:26:11.980 would I entertain him?

00:26:12.800 And I said,

00:26:13.160 does your person know,

00:26:14.840 you know,

00:26:15.940 that's your status.

00:26:17.000 And he was like,

00:26:17.660 no,

00:26:17.880 I said,

00:26:18.140 why would I entertain a man who speaks about it,

00:26:20.540 but isn't practicing it?

00:26:21.600 Do you get what I mean?

00:26:22.080 Like if you come correct,

00:26:23.240 that's something I can consider if it's a part of my lifestyle,

00:26:25.660 but if you're going to lie,

00:26:26.640 then lie.

00:26:27.340 Like,

00:26:27.500 why would I be entertaining that?

00:26:29.180 Also,

00:26:29.380 that's not polygyny if your partner is not aware.

00:26:31.400 People in their relationship,

00:26:33.520 they are very aware of their position.

00:26:35.660 They're very aware that there's other wives,

00:26:37.180 other girlfriends,

00:26:37.840 stuff like that.

00:26:38.120 Exactly.

00:26:38.820 So you're cheating.

00:26:39.860 Yeah,

00:26:39.960 exactly.

00:26:40.460 Do you think if we accept cheating the first time,

00:26:42.920 you're basically saying it's okay for the rest?

00:26:46.060 No.

00:26:46.200 No.

00:26:46.860 I mean,

00:26:47.240 I feel like if you accept it the first time and you said,

00:26:51.700 okay,

00:26:51.820 you can cheat and I will stay,

00:26:53.980 then why would he not do it again?

00:26:55.580 But I feel like a man will cheat regardless,

00:26:57.520 whether you stay or you don't,

00:26:58.900 because you could be then technically single and you will go back and forth with him for months or years.

00:27:03.960 No.

00:27:04.320 Some women do.

00:27:06.300 I think that,

00:27:06.940 I don't think staying the first time will enable,

00:27:10.340 like will mean he can carry on doing it or he's going to get away with that.

00:27:13.620 I think that people are,

00:27:14.680 first of all,

00:27:14.940 people are humans.

00:27:15.880 I think that when we get in relationships,

00:27:17.140 we have this idea of like ownership with people.

00:27:20.680 And I think that is,

00:27:21.500 I think that's a,

00:27:22.120 that's not a good thing.

00:27:22.920 So people are humans.

00:27:24.300 Humans make mistakes.

00:27:25.700 And I think sometimes as well,

00:27:27.540 unfortunately,

00:27:27.960 some people don't know what they have until you're at the point of kind of losing it.

00:27:31.720 And there are some men who they cheat one time and they realize that actually,

00:27:37.040 like,

00:27:37.240 why did I do that?

00:27:38.100 Kind of like,

00:27:38.340 that doesn't,

00:27:39.280 I could lose.

00:27:40.100 They realize what they have and what they could lose.

00:27:42.660 And so it kind of,

00:27:44.600 it changed that they don't cheat again.

00:27:46.440 I know of men like that.

00:27:47.700 But at the same time,

00:27:48.500 I don't,

00:27:48.720 I don't believe that because I know more life men who have cheated once.

00:27:53.900 I don't know,

00:27:54.360 50,

00:27:54.860 they haven't.

00:27:56.000 They get better at having it.

00:27:56.920 50,

00:27:57.380 50 years.

00:27:58.300 If you want to be like married long-term,

00:27:59.980 50 years is a long time.

00:28:01.000 People are their habits.

00:28:02.440 No,

00:28:02.860 but you know what it is?

00:28:03.640 I feel like men cheat more when you tell them not to,

00:28:06.240 or when you put pressure for them to have to be monogamous.

00:28:09.060 I feel like if you're,

00:28:09.800 if you're not trying to buy pressure,

00:28:11.580 it's the thing not to cheat.

00:28:13.420 Can I just say that when the women talk about alpha,

00:28:16.720 about,

00:28:17.040 oh,

00:28:17.200 those are not the men that we like.

00:28:18.760 Well,

00:28:18.880 the two men that cheated on me,

00:28:20.120 I wouldn't call them,

00:28:20.760 I made them the alpha.

00:28:22.580 Period.

00:28:22.840 So they weren't somebody that there's ordinary people.

00:28:26.400 One was really obese.

00:28:27.420 It wasn't like anybody that anybody else would want.

00:28:32.280 So I made them the alpha.

00:28:34.000 So as far as I'm concerned,

00:28:34.980 if a man's going to cheat,

00:28:36.040 they're going to cheat.

00:28:36.940 That is a word.

00:28:37.540 Because everybody's known about this alpha.

00:28:40.680 You can get a man that's like an ordinary everyday man,

00:28:43.820 like what they were.

00:28:45.000 And according to how you are as a woman,

00:28:46.800 you make them your alpha.

00:28:48.480 So nobody was looking at them as an alpha.

00:28:51.040 Do you know what?

00:28:51.320 It's some guys here,

00:28:52.140 and that is such a word because some guys are not what society,

00:28:56.180 what a lot of women see as desirable.

00:28:58.200 But I think,

00:28:58.720 I think there's something in men here that when a woman likes them,

00:29:02.480 they just think,

00:29:03.300 oh,

00:29:04.180 I feel like it makes them feel like I'm the shit now.

00:29:07.100 Yeah,

00:29:07.360 there's an ego boost.

00:29:08.120 And so then they start walking in that spirit and then they think I can do anything I want to do.

00:29:12.420 No,

00:29:12.500 but wait,

00:29:12.740 what you're basically saying is that you understand why men behave the way they behave,

00:29:17.680 but you still get angry at the way they behave.

00:29:19.760 That's how we get angry at the dishonesty.

00:29:22.440 No,

00:29:22.640 because think about it this way.

00:29:24.060 And this is where society is geared towards women.

00:29:26.680 Like men have to sacrifice what they have to do naturally to conform to what a woman wants.

00:29:31.380 A man wants to spread his seed.

00:29:32.680 That's what he's driven to do.

00:29:34.100 It doesn't have to.

00:29:34.820 That's what he's driven to do.

00:29:36.040 So I always say that men should have practice discipline.

00:29:38.540 I've done so myself because I know it's important to successful monogamous relationships.

00:29:42.540 However,

00:29:43.360 because women are given sex,

00:29:45.940 like you're born of value in terms of the sexual marketplace,

00:29:48.660 a man has to earn his right to have sex.

00:29:50.480 So when he sees an opportunity,

00:29:52.780 he's going to take it more time as if he lacks discipline.

00:29:55.440 And can I just say that I believe that most of the time,

00:30:00.640 it's nobody wants these men until he's got a woman.

00:30:03.840 Yeah,

00:30:04.380 I agree.

00:30:06.040 And it's not like the women don't know,

00:30:08.440 oh,

00:30:08.860 he's got,

00:30:09.340 he's got,

00:30:09.700 he's got a woman.

00:30:11.680 If he didn't have a woman,

00:30:12.680 I don't think that they would want that man.

00:30:14.960 But it's just that they always want a man that somebody else has got.

00:30:19.120 Yeah.

00:30:20.100 That just makes it easy for them to cheat.

00:30:22.380 Yeah.

00:30:22.480 It's pre-selection.

00:30:23.740 Like,

00:30:23.900 so historically,

00:30:24.480 like we wanted men that got other women because it was a sign that he could take care of us too.

00:30:28.660 If he could take care of them.

00:30:29.640 And that's the thing,

00:30:30.220 coming back to Eddie's point,

00:30:31.200 I think what society doesn't realize is that men don't have to cheat.

00:30:34.880 If you want multiple partners that you're going to be responsible for,

00:30:38.200 which I think is possible,

00:30:39.940 you need to be honest and do it.

00:30:42.160 But it's this whole,

00:30:43.240 okay,

00:30:43.480 I can jump from this girl to this girl.

00:30:44.920 I can have a kid here.

00:30:45.880 I don't think most men want two wives.

00:30:48.980 It's like two headaches.

00:30:51.200 If you've seen the way more than women behave,

00:30:53.840 there's nothing worse than having two of you in one place.

00:30:56.380 This is the problem with men.

00:30:58.340 You don't want it because you can't handle it,

00:31:00.140 but then you don't want to be monogamous.

00:31:02.080 If you can't be monogamous,

00:31:03.500 be single.

00:31:04.380 Don't be with one person.

00:31:05.620 Why would they,

00:31:08.140 why would they have to?

00:31:09.900 Like,

00:31:10.060 I mean,

00:31:10.900 I'm sorry if you're in the top 10,

00:31:12.180 20% of guys,

00:31:13.000 they don't have to just be single.

00:31:14.580 They can have a girlfriend and they can,

00:31:16.680 no,

00:31:16.780 but let me let you guys stop.

00:31:18.660 When they can get a girlfriend,

00:31:20.320 cheat on her,

00:31:20.880 and we just talk to the panel.

00:31:22.160 Y'all stay.

00:31:23.180 No,

00:31:23.400 no,

00:31:23.480 no,

00:31:23.560 but this is,

00:31:24.040 y'all stay.

00:31:26.060 This is the problem.

00:31:27.160 It's not that,

00:31:27.720 it's not that you need to have a girlfriend and cheat on her.

00:31:30.860 Have a girlfriend and tell her,

00:31:32.140 I'm not monogamous.

00:31:33.380 So if you want to be with me and I give you these perks.

00:31:35.620 Yeah,

00:31:35.760 but why would he do that when he can just cheat on you and y'all stay?

00:31:39.540 But this isn't,

00:31:40.100 but then when you get the toxic behavior from her,

00:31:41.980 don't moan.

00:31:42.660 When she then vandalizes your whole property and everything else,

00:31:44.860 don't moan.

00:31:45.100 Why,

00:31:45.360 why do we,

00:31:45.880 why do we put our bad decisions onto men?

00:31:48.040 Okay.

00:31:48.180 Isn't that like,

00:31:48.760 you're just toxic?

00:31:49.720 No,

00:31:49.840 it's because like I've,

00:31:51.340 I've been cheated on before.

00:31:52.820 It wasn't,

00:31:53.480 it wasn't fun,

00:31:54.200 but I never did anything toxic or crazy or any,

00:31:57.220 any of the shit that I hear girls say that that's a,

00:31:59.460 you,

00:31:59.960 that's a,

00:32:00.240 you problem.

00:32:00.680 No man,

00:32:01.180 no man can make you do crazy shit.

00:32:02.520 You're either crazy or you're not.

00:32:03.800 No,

00:32:03.960 do you know what it is?

00:32:04.600 I agree.

00:32:05.100 For me personally,

00:32:05.740 I don't call it crazy things.

00:32:07.500 I call it disrespect and reacting to disrespect.

00:32:11.080 For example,

00:32:11.680 I feel like when a woman doesn't react and a man cheats and he gets away with it,

00:32:15.700 he doesn't learn that this has hurt or impacted someone.

00:32:18.920 When a woman then reacts,

00:32:20.240 he has to either have discussions with her or he needs to realize,

00:32:23.180 right,

00:32:23.360 this was a repression of it.

00:32:24.760 Okay.

00:32:25.000 But,

00:32:25.360 but in these situations,

00:32:26.580 everyone reacted and on the couch.

00:32:29.520 I didn't.

00:32:29.820 I'm saying even in your,

00:32:33.400 you reacted,

00:32:34.460 you were going through his phone,

00:32:35.600 you were telling him like whatever and,

00:32:37.600 and like looking at his messages or I can't remember exactly how you said you found out.

00:32:41.440 So you did react.

00:32:42.740 He didn't learn his lesson because he had like a million side pieces.

00:32:45.620 No,

00:32:46.120 no,

00:32:46.260 no,

00:32:46.320 no,

00:32:46.420 no.

00:32:46.480 But he never confirmed that he cheated or anything.

00:32:51.400 Yeah,

00:32:51.720 but you know,

00:32:52.440 but that's what I'm saying.

00:32:53.540 And my reactions were,

00:32:55.400 they,

00:32:56.080 yeah,

00:32:56.320 so when I,

00:32:56.820 when I first left,

00:32:57.600 when I left,

00:32:58.500 when I first got the,

00:32:59.720 okay,

00:33:00.060 this must be confirmation.

00:33:01.240 Cause obviously all the girls.

00:33:03.460 Yeah.

00:33:03.840 I reacted to that.

00:33:04.880 Yeah.

00:33:05.220 And he was like,

00:33:05.820 I can't tolerate this.

00:33:07.120 Cool.

00:33:07.320 And then I left him,

00:33:08.120 but then he did write me letters saying he wants me back.

00:33:10.520 I never went back.

00:33:12.220 Sorry.

00:33:12.720 I just want to say it.

00:33:13.500 I don't think,

00:33:14.600 I don't think you necessarily need to react.

00:33:16.720 Cause I know you made a point about reacting for him to understand that this is wrong.

00:33:20.980 Cause I don't react like the way you react to things.

00:33:23.380 That's,

00:33:23.660 this is how I react to things.

00:33:24.600 If you do something that's wild,

00:33:26.020 that's crazy,

00:33:26.600 it's disrespectful to me.

00:33:28.000 I'm just like,

00:33:28.360 all right,

00:33:28.520 cool.

00:33:29.320 That's what you've done.

00:33:30.200 And I keep moving.

00:33:31.420 So with me,

00:33:31.980 in my situation,

00:33:32.580 I didn't,

00:33:33.000 I didn't react.

00:33:33.960 I let you know that,

00:33:35.060 okay,

00:33:35.180 this is what you did.

00:33:36.400 This is not on.

00:33:37.020 It's not something I'm going to stand for.

00:33:38.220 And I kept moving.

00:33:39.360 And years later,

00:33:40.640 he's still wanting to have me back.

00:33:42.340 Yeah.

00:33:42.520 But so I don't think you need to necessarily react to get,

00:33:47.120 to let a guy understand what he's doing wrong.

00:33:48.760 Yeah.

00:33:48.980 No.

00:33:49.100 And I also,

00:33:50.840 earlier where you said how,

00:33:52.200 cause I think I hear a lot of women sometimes say stuff like,

00:33:54.960 Oh,

00:33:55.600 he made me crazy.

00:33:56.900 No.

00:33:57.200 Sis,

00:33:57.480 that was in you.

00:33:58.200 You're either,

00:33:58.640 you're either,

00:33:59.300 you're either,

00:33:59.960 you're either crazy or you're not.

00:34:01.560 That demon was way over.

00:34:02.720 That was in you.

00:34:04.120 So my point is,

00:34:05.500 I would never refer to it as a woman reacting to it.

00:34:08.240 However she reacts.

00:34:09.080 For me,

00:34:09.660 I wouldn't say it's crazy.

00:34:10.640 Cause I feel like society say,

00:34:12.000 Oh,

00:34:12.100 it's crazy.

00:34:12.600 That's her reaction.

00:34:13.400 But it's crazy.

00:34:13.780 No,

00:34:14.000 but she's responsible for your own actions.

00:34:16.480 But the reason I say it,

00:34:17.960 no,

00:34:18.140 but what exactly,

00:34:18.700 I'm saying it's her expressing her emotions.

00:34:20.300 And she's in rage and rage.

00:34:21.380 You're not a child.

00:34:22.680 You're not.

00:34:23.360 Okay.

00:34:23.600 You're not,

00:34:24.020 you guys wait.

00:34:24.560 You're not,

00:34:25.040 you're not a child.

00:34:25.920 You're a grown adult.

00:34:26.920 I'm sorry.

00:34:27.560 Stop,

00:34:28.040 stop interrupting me.

00:34:28.960 You're not a child.

00:34:29.800 You're a grown adult.

00:34:30.860 If you make,

00:34:31.740 if you do something crazy,

00:34:33.120 you're crazy.

00:34:33.860 You can't blame it on other people.

00:34:35.380 Like nobody can make you do anything like that.

00:34:37.920 That's,

00:34:38.260 that's like what a child would say.

00:34:40.000 I think.

00:34:40.480 Can I,

00:34:40.700 can I just say,

00:34:41.340 cause I haven't really spoken,

00:34:42.700 but I just want to say an observation that I've made in this conversation.

00:34:46.500 So the younger ladies have proven a point,

00:34:49.720 which I don't know if anyone's noticed.

00:34:51.680 They looked for a problem.

00:34:53.820 They wound themselves up.

00:34:55.540 Auntie said she experienced a similar thing,

00:34:58.440 but she didn't wind herself up.

00:35:00.520 She responded to the situation as the situation happened.

00:35:04.700 And she didn't go in there like,

00:35:06.380 I'm going to do this.

00:35:07.260 I'm going to do that.

00:35:08.160 I think I'm looking for it.

00:35:09.360 Like you said.

00:35:09.780 Yeah.

00:35:09.980 So the difference is within the modern women,

00:35:13.420 we're looking for the problem.

00:35:15.640 And when we amp ourselves up in the situation,

00:35:18.340 we're actually reacting before we get to the point where we're with the man.

00:35:22.640 So we're already angry.

00:35:23.820 And because there's so much on social media and so much access to different

00:35:28.180 women at the same time,

00:35:30.100 we're literally winding ourselves up.

00:35:31.620 If you look for it,

00:35:32.520 you're going to find it.

00:35:33.740 We know that.

00:35:34.960 And you're responsible for your actions.

00:35:36.900 Yeah,

00:35:37.260 exactly.

00:35:38.260 And that's what it does.

00:35:39.160 It shows your maturity level and your emotional management.

00:35:43.440 So,

00:35:43.940 you know,

00:35:44.200 like at work,

00:35:45.560 if someone pisses you off,

00:35:47.140 you know how to manage it.

00:35:48.600 You know,

00:35:49.140 you're not just going to flip out and start cussing because you don't want to

00:35:51.900 lose your job.

00:35:52.500 That's your livelihood.

00:35:53.640 But in this situation,

00:35:54.720 you haven't really calculated how you're going to manage it.

00:35:58.180 You've just reacted.

00:36:00.660 And I think as a younger woman,

00:36:03.300 like in this generation,

00:36:05.060 we're very reactionary to what's going on around us rather than,

00:36:09.140 sorry,

00:36:10.700 grounding ourselves first and then having like a clear thought and then

00:36:15.900 responding.

00:36:16.820 As you get older,

00:36:18.420 you start to realise that though.

00:36:20.940 Everyone's going to react.

00:36:21.860 It's a waste of energy.

00:36:23.800 It's literally a waste of energy.

00:36:25.240 I remember being like 14 and finding out,

00:36:27.840 you know,

00:36:27.980 someone's cheating and you would go absolutely mad at them and you'd cry and,

00:36:32.460 you know,

00:36:32.600 you'd get really angry.

00:36:33.600 And then as you get older,

00:36:34.800 like you said,

00:36:36.060 you'd realise you just,

00:36:37.200 you know,

00:36:37.600 if you're going to do it,

00:36:39.040 fine,

00:36:39.720 cool,

00:36:40.200 I'll leave.

00:36:40.940 You do whatever you want.

00:36:42.260 There's no point in wasting your energy when you're not going to get

00:36:45.900 anything back from it anyway.

00:36:46.940 I think women need to understand that.

00:36:49.660 And again,

00:36:50.080 I'm not an advocate for it,

00:36:51.280 but in most instances,

00:36:52.780 men will be men.

00:36:54.100 So all this anger,

00:36:55.680 all this blowing up,

00:36:56.840 it doesn't,

00:36:57.460 it doesn't affect no one but you,

00:36:58.920 because like you said,

00:37:01.160 women seem to think that by getting angry,

00:37:04.380 the guy's going to change or he's going to see it differently.

00:37:07.020 He's probably still going to do the same thing,

00:37:08.380 just probably better.

00:37:09.780 So it's like,

00:37:10.960 it's like when,

00:37:11.600 when do women come to the realisation that that's how they're built?

00:37:15.580 You're built different.

00:37:16.560 Cause,

00:37:17.100 and this is what I was saying before is that there's two lenses.

00:37:19.560 There's your lens and there's the male lens,

00:37:21.500 but you're only seeing things through your lens.

00:37:23.020 So how you perceive sex is how you think men perceive sex.

00:37:26.200 And it's completely different.

00:37:27.720 And what I'd like to know is after you found out and you went back,

00:37:33.500 how was your behaviour towards him after that?

00:37:38.140 Do you know what I mean?

00:37:38.600 Would you trust him again?

00:37:39.900 Or was you always watching him or was down his phone or always irritating him,

00:37:43.820 always having a dig?

00:37:44.880 But I think that's the end of the relationship anyway.

00:37:46.860 I think a woman that goes back.

00:37:47.940 There's no point like going back.

00:37:49.700 So why do it then?

00:37:51.380 Go ahead.

00:37:52.520 If there's no point,

00:37:54.540 you know there's no point,

00:37:55.880 but you're continuing the relationship.

00:37:58.160 I think,

00:37:58.640 I think women that stay,

00:37:59.860 it's not because they want to continue.

00:38:01.300 I think it's the emotions of love and having to like grieve the relationship

00:38:04.340 while they're there.

00:38:05.300 And I think eventually they get over it.

00:38:07.080 Does that make sense?

00:38:07.840 I don't think they go back wanting it.

00:38:08.800 It's the routine that they're in.

00:38:10.660 You don't want to,

00:38:11.260 you don't want to get rid of the routine.

00:38:12.960 But then also you have women that will break up with guys in their head

00:38:17.040 before they've broke up with them physically.

00:38:18.500 Yeah, exactly.

00:38:18.660 So then when you leave,

00:38:20.120 it's not as heartbreaking.

00:38:21.100 But then a caveat to that is that,

00:38:22.480 look,

00:38:22.740 if,

00:38:23.040 if,

00:38:23.300 if we're going to go off the pretense that most men behave this way and the men

00:38:26.660 that you're attracted to are in a small percentage of men who will do the same

00:38:30.720 thing anyway,

00:38:31.860 doesn't it make more sense to stay with the devil that you know,

00:38:35.360 then seek something else new outside?

00:38:36.860 And I was going to say that because,

00:38:38.860 you know,

00:38:39.320 or you can be,

00:38:40.680 allow yourself to feel those feelings.

00:38:43.160 A lot of women don't want to feel the pain.

00:38:46.220 If you allow yourself to feel that pain,

00:38:48.320 then you can move through it and past it.

00:38:51.240 When you sit on it or you go back,

00:38:53.620 you have it there.

00:38:54.560 Like you're waiting for something.

00:38:55.680 You're anticipating another cheat.

00:38:57.940 You know,

00:38:58.300 another cheat.

00:38:58.820 If you don't feel the pain,

00:38:59.940 you're not going to feel happiness.

00:39:01.580 Yeah.

00:39:01.860 You,

00:39:02.040 you don't move through it.

00:39:03.300 And I think when,

00:39:04.340 once a man cheats,

00:39:05.900 especially with like social media and all these things,

00:39:08.480 um,

00:39:09.160 we have these experiences and then we're anticipating something going wrong.

00:39:14.220 And then we kind of provoke it to happen.

00:39:16.740 If we don't work on it,

00:39:18.060 like together as a couple,

00:39:20.400 then it's not going to work.

00:39:22.260 And there's no communication in that.

00:39:24.380 I think some women weigh up their risks and the rewards because I,

00:39:27.580 I don't think,

00:39:28.820 I'm,

00:39:29.180 I always say,

00:39:30.020 yeah,

00:39:30.120 that if your partner cheats on you,

00:39:31.680 yeah,

00:39:32.320 if you're going to stay,

00:39:33.680 then you need to be staying to move forward.

00:39:36.740 I don't believe in staying with someone and every chance you get,

00:39:39.640 you're bringing this up and all that kind of stuff.

00:39:41.500 Why are you here?

00:39:42.540 Don't,

00:39:42.700 don't stay here.

00:39:43.880 Yeah.

00:39:44.380 Don't stay here to make my life miserable.

00:39:45.720 But I also think that there are women as well who weigh up the realities of life.

00:39:51.040 I feel like with a lot,

00:39:52.340 a lot of what a lot of people think about love,

00:39:54.280 it's very,

00:39:55.200 um,

00:39:55.720 fairy tale.

00:39:56.260 It's very,

00:39:56.900 yeah,

00:39:57.600 it's wishful thinking.

00:39:58.840 But the realities of life is that I'm at this age,

00:40:01.960 for example,

00:40:02.540 we've been married,

00:40:03.100 blah,

00:40:03.220 blah,

00:40:03.340 blah.

00:40:03.620 You cheated.

00:40:04.220 This is one.

00:40:04.940 This is the one time I've caught you cheating,

00:40:06.360 blah,

00:40:06.480 blah.

00:40:06.980 Yeah.

00:40:07.200 What am I going to lose if I walk away from this and what's really out there?

00:40:12.540 So I think some,

00:40:13.340 some women have to,

00:40:14.440 they just work through it.

00:40:16.600 They,

00:40:16.700 they think that,

00:40:17.520 you know,

00:40:17.700 I can't bother to do all of this again.

00:40:19.380 I'm going to have to find somebody.

00:40:20.340 I'm going to have to be single,

00:40:21.260 go for a divorce or break up.

00:40:22.920 And then I've,

00:40:23.840 I've spent,

00:40:24.300 I have this much time.

00:40:25.340 I've invested so much time in this relationship.

00:40:27.460 Do you know,

00:40:27.660 let's just,

00:40:28.040 let me forget,

00:40:28.520 let's forgive it.

00:40:29.380 And let's move forward and do whatever it is that we need to do to come to an understanding that this can't happen again.

00:40:33.840 And I think I don't,

00:40:35.680 I don't see anything wrong with that.

00:40:36.920 I think that's.

00:40:37.460 I think that's.

00:40:37.940 That's real.

00:40:38.320 That's what I think.

00:40:38.960 Yeah.

00:40:39.080 With high strength.

00:40:39.820 But the thing is,

00:40:40.460 if you listen to what they're saying,

00:40:41.680 they actually stay and plan to leave.

00:40:43.980 Yeah.

00:40:44.480 Men just leave.

00:40:45.320 Women always stay and plan to leave.

00:40:47.700 That's why when men get divorced,

00:40:49.060 they lose so much because the women have been planning it for a time.

00:40:52.800 Very few times where they cheat and then you actually get past it and have a happy life.

00:40:57.580 What I,

00:40:57.980 what I'd like to know is.

00:41:00.220 I think,

00:41:00.740 I think,

00:41:01.560 I think that people used to get past it.

00:41:03.840 Past it all the time.

00:41:04.780 I think modern women can't cause we've been sold a bill of goods that men can't live up to.

00:41:08.500 And we're told that he has to be taller than us,

00:41:10.620 make money,

00:41:11.480 like be basically Prince Charming and not cheat on you.

00:41:13.920 But it's like,

00:41:14.420 if you want a guy on a certain level,

00:41:15.660 he's probably going to cheat.

00:41:17.240 I think,

00:41:17.800 I think that women romanticize love too much.

00:41:23.000 Realistically,

00:41:23.640 love is something that transforms every day when you're working on it.

00:41:26.980 And if you're not working on it with your partner,

00:41:29.720 then it's not love.

00:41:30.980 If you're going to look at love as a romantic thing,

00:41:33.500 the kind gestures every day,

00:41:35.220 your man's going to be considerate to you every day.

00:41:37.260 It's going to be in your favor.

00:41:39.480 You have that mentality of entitlement just because you're in the relationship.

00:41:44.160 And I think from like my experience of observation,

00:41:48.180 men get tired of that because what's the benefits to them?

00:41:50.980 You know,

00:41:51.820 you want more,

00:41:53.300 no matter how much they give,

00:41:54.480 it's never enough.

00:41:55.860 And then once they've given the max capacity,

00:41:59.420 they can go to somebody else who wants much less and is happy with that.

00:42:04.120 And they're not going to cause aggravation.

00:42:06.240 You find out about it and then you kick off.

00:42:08.580 So it kind of undoes all the work that's been put into the relationship on his side.

00:42:13.700 Then he loses everything.

00:42:16.020 And then like,

00:42:17.240 what's the benefit?

00:42:18.220 That's why it should always be 50-50.

00:42:20.360 So the guy puts in the energy,

00:42:22.220 you know,

00:42:22.440 he's being considerate,

00:42:23.520 fetching her flowers and stuff like that.

00:42:24.980 But then the girl flowers.

00:42:25.900 Some guys still do it,

00:42:28.400 but then like the girl needs to give the energy back as well.

00:42:31.300 It's about gratitude and reciprocation as well.

00:42:34.060 Do you think the vampires are on the flowers?

00:42:35.580 You're just going to say,

00:42:36.180 what have you done?

00:42:37.240 Do you think modern women deserve to be courted?

00:42:40.800 Because we're not,

00:42:41.400 we're not young and we're not pure anymore.

00:42:43.180 I would say no,

00:42:44.440 because we're not pure anymore.

00:42:46.120 What's pure?

00:42:48.660 It's all moving forward.

00:42:50.360 But I definitely think there should be some level of the basic respect from that.

00:42:55.360 today.

00:42:56.560 You know,

00:42:56.900 it's not just like,

00:42:58.320 oh,

00:42:58.540 we'll text and then we'll meet up and then like,

00:43:00.980 we'll have sex.

00:43:01.560 And then that's kind of it.

00:43:02.980 You know,

00:43:03.440 you should really get to know each other and make sure that you're both on the same level.

00:43:07.340 And if he makes the energy,

00:43:09.120 you make the energy.

00:43:10.060 If he doesn't make the energy,

00:43:11.180 just say,

00:43:11.620 okay,

00:43:11.940 I'll go make the energy with someone else.

00:43:14.000 Can I just ask,

00:43:15.420 when the women I got cheated on,

00:43:17.540 how did you feel?

00:43:18.680 Did you take it personally?

00:43:20.720 Because I think you might have taken it more personally than he did.

00:43:23.600 But how did it make you feel knowing that he cheated?

00:43:28.060 It is personal.

00:43:28.740 I think with me,

00:43:29.900 the problem was I came from a polygamous household.

00:43:32.960 So my dad had two wives and he's got 14 kids.

00:43:35.240 So my mom has nine.

00:43:36.100 My dad,

00:43:36.540 my other mom has five.

00:43:38.100 So I've come from a very honest and transparent relationship.

00:43:42.280 The reason I felt disrespected is because this person obviously didn't want to tell me.

00:43:46.480 And even till this day,

00:43:47.400 he would lie.

00:43:48.040 Right now.

00:43:48.860 The reason that I'm single,

00:43:50.620 I'm not actively searching is because no man is honest and will say to me,

00:43:54.500 actually,

00:43:55.300 I am.

00:43:56.100 I do want multiple women because when I ask them,

00:43:59.060 they will just say,

00:44:00.180 no,

00:44:00.540 I'm cool.

00:44:01.080 So if they did say like,

00:44:02.520 yeah,

00:44:02.800 I respect it.

00:44:04.000 Would you be with them though?

00:44:05.200 A hundred percent.

00:44:06.100 Way more.

00:44:06.600 But you know what?

00:44:07.160 You have to remember in this situation,

00:44:08.540 you're the exception to the rule because women often fall in love with what they hear.

00:44:12.380 And men fall in love with what they see.

00:44:13.860 And that's the thing.

00:44:14.360 I think I'm still quite a traditional woman.

00:44:16.040 So I,

00:44:16.460 I don't,

00:44:16.920 I haven't done the dating scene.

00:44:18.440 Traditional women get married before the age of 25.

00:44:20.880 I was married.

00:44:22.040 I am.

00:44:22.500 Well,

00:44:22.940 that's why my situation.

00:44:23.660 Traditional women don't get divorced.

00:44:24.940 Well,

00:44:25.360 you can't be,

00:44:25.800 you can't be a traditional woman.

00:44:26.920 No,

00:44:26.960 no,

00:44:27.060 I'm,

00:44:27.480 I'm not divorced yet.

00:44:28.420 So I'm not divorced yet.

00:44:30.060 So I thought you said you were single.

00:44:32.000 No,

00:44:32.100 well,

00:44:32.440 it's complicated.

00:44:33.480 So I'm not divorced yet.

00:44:34.540 Okay.

00:44:34.840 I'm separated.

00:44:35.900 But obviously the reason why,

00:44:37.220 like,

00:44:37.660 like Esther said,

00:44:39.380 the reason why I'm not pushing for the divorce or whatever is because within my situation,

00:44:43.760 I'm weighing out what's beneficial to me.

00:44:46.580 If it's better for me to stay or better for me to be ending up in the streets and in the streets of London,

00:44:51.420 it's not for me.

00:44:52.160 It's the ghetto girl.

00:44:52.980 Yeah.

00:44:53.440 So why do you,

00:44:54.220 why do you want to leave?

00:44:56.140 Cause was he the one that cheated?

00:44:57.300 No,

00:44:57.740 no,

00:44:57.840 no.

00:44:57.920 So this with my,

00:44:59.340 with my marriage,

00:45:00.240 what happened is we were a lot younger and cause I was conforming to like,

00:45:03.760 just say the Western ideologies and social media put a big pressure on what I expected from the relationship.

00:45:09.400 So I wanted,

00:45:10.820 like you said,

00:45:11.320 flowers and all of this and blah,

00:45:12.740 blah.

00:45:12.980 And I put importance on that instead of me actually looking and growing with the person and,

00:45:17.780 you know,

00:45:17.960 figuring out our own lives.

00:45:19.280 And we were a lot younger.

00:45:20.460 He obviously wasn't where he wanted to be.

00:45:22.760 And I think it just put a lot of strain on us.

00:45:25.020 So we have separated,

00:45:26.380 but it,

00:45:27.740 for me,

00:45:28.940 give it,

00:45:29.360 I probably will end up back with him just cause it's,

00:45:31.940 it wasn't a toxic relationship.

00:45:33.220 It was a good relationship.

00:45:34.380 We just weren't the right people.

00:45:35.360 Do you think women by that women leave nice guys?

00:45:38.980 Cause you stayed with the guy who cheated,

00:45:40.540 but the guy who didn't stay with the guy who cheated because I didn't know for sure.

00:45:44.020 But even with that situation,

00:45:48.080 again,

00:45:48.480 that was like my first full on relationship because where obviously I am also religious,

00:45:53.140 like I do believe in God and I,

00:45:55.080 and I believe fornication is a sin.

00:45:56.800 So with me,

00:45:57.720 if it's a big thing for me to even try fornicate,

00:46:00.540 I'd rather not.

00:46:01.340 Um,

00:46:01.620 in that first relationship,

00:46:02.680 I was staying with him because my intention was marriage and we were planning to get married.

00:46:06.740 Right.

00:46:07.100 And it was a lot more secure.

00:46:08.320 Yeah.

00:46:09.020 Wouldn't it be more secure in the second cause you are married?

00:46:12.580 Well,

00:46:12.780 no,

00:46:12.900 that's what I mean.

00:46:13.360 So the second when it happened,

00:46:14.700 okay,

00:46:14.920 the reason why I'm not leaving is because he's,

00:46:18.160 it's not that he's,

00:46:18.780 he's,

00:46:19.240 uh,

00:46:19.860 he's not a,

00:46:20.460 uh,

00:46:20.780 he's a good and amazing guy.

00:46:22.520 It's more,

00:46:23.220 it was the,

00:46:23.900 it's the right person wrong time.

00:46:25.780 So why do you know it's going to work in three years time?

00:46:28.660 Why the three years?

00:46:29.820 Cause it sounds like you've got it all figured out now that you know what a great guy he is

00:46:34.000 and what you both need to work on.

00:46:35.880 It sounds like a backup plan.

00:46:37.080 Yeah.

00:46:37.680 Cause why the three years?

00:46:38.920 I don't think,

00:46:39.460 I don't think it's,

00:46:40.320 I don't think he's an amazing guy.

00:46:41.700 I think with time he will also,

00:46:43.700 it,

00:46:43.880 I feel like we need time to figure ourselves out.

00:46:46.860 And when I say that,

00:46:47.900 I mean,

00:46:48.900 I feel like he's not ready to,

00:46:52.160 I feel like a man's,

00:46:53.020 a man's under a lot of pressure.

00:46:54.280 He feels like he has to have X amount of money.

00:46:56.040 He needs to make sure he can keep a woman.

00:46:57.960 Cause I feel like men feel like women will cheat on them if they're not doing certain things.

00:47:02.340 And I think he feels like if he doesn't provide me with a million roses and all of that,

00:47:06.960 I'm not going to stay loyal to him.

00:47:08.320 He doesn't realize that I'm a religious person.

00:47:10.560 That's not going to be a problem.

00:47:12.280 If that makes sense.

00:47:13.300 I just think that you need to get it sorted sooner or later and have a conversation.

00:47:18.220 Because you can both work it out together and grow together.

00:47:21.840 Rather than three years time,

00:47:23.240 you can both be in separate places in three years.

00:47:26.320 You might as well do it together.

00:47:28.080 You know what you want.

00:47:28.900 You sound like you know what you want.

00:47:30.120 You sound quite sensible and reasonable.

00:47:31.620 So why not do it now and see where you both are in three years rather than wait three years just to jump in.

00:47:38.340 There's a lot that can happen in three years.

00:47:40.660 Well, you can get there together.

00:47:42.080 You know he's not there yet.

00:47:43.340 You know what he needs.

00:47:44.680 And you can be there to support him.

00:47:46.440 I think there's certain things that you need to work.

00:47:49.260 I get where you're coming from.

00:47:50.000 I think there's because you guys got married when you were younger.

00:47:52.560 I think there's certain things where you have to work on by yourself to then be able to come together with someone.

00:47:58.860 So I get the three years thing because clearly you've got stuff that you want to work on and grow and whatever.

00:48:02.960 And he's got his own issues.

00:48:03.900 And I think if you guys get back, you guys get back together, that pressure is still going to be there because you haven't worked on your individual selves.

00:48:11.500 That's why I always say even with marriages and because I desire to get married and stuff, but I know that I'm not ready to get married now because there's stuff that I need to figure out.

00:48:18.860 And these are things I need to figure out by myself before I can then come together to figure that part of my life out.

00:48:25.800 Do you get what I mean?

00:48:26.460 I still think you want to go carnival.

00:48:28.920 You know, when you get when guys hear that you're figuring yourself out, they just think you're sleeping.

00:48:38.060 And honestly, that's what it sounds like, because I don't understand what do you know?

00:48:42.860 It's not that.

JustPearlyThings - July 10, 2023

Modern Woman Claims to be TRADITIONAL

Episode Stats

Length

Words per Minute

Word Count

Sentence Count

Misogynist Sentences

Hate Speech Sentences

Summary

Transcript