JustPearlyThings - April 17, 2023


Modern Woman FINALLY Holds Herself Accountable

Topics
trauma in daughter's life
Hosted by
Hannah Pearl Davis
Mentioned
Jared Taylor
She tried To Slither Her way Through This Topic Delusional Woman Reveals Her Hypocrisy

Episode Stats


Length

11 minutes

Words per minute

188.03

Word count

2,106

Sentence count

228

Harmful content

Misogyny

7

sentences flagged

Toxicity

6

sentences flagged

Hate speech

2

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, I speak to a single mother who shares her experience of being a single parent and how it has affected her and her children. We discuss the importance of a two-parent family and how important it is to have both parents involved in your child s life.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 What would you have done differently in the relationships? 0.98
00:00:02.620 Not been a complete psychopath.
00:00:06.240 Yeah, I was, yeah, I was not the easiest of partners to be with.
00:00:12.320 And so, yeah, I would have left because the more I stayed with my son's dad, the more angry I got and the more resentful I got.
00:00:19.740 And so we were just arguing all the time.
00:00:21.480 Like he could breathe, just his breathing annoyed me at one point because I just resented him so much.
00:00:26.280 But it was my choice to stay there.
00:00:27.500 So if I had chosen not to stay there, then I wouldn't have, yeah.
00:00:33.220 Amiri, did you have something you want to say because you just...
00:00:36.820 Grunting over there.
00:00:41.180 It's very like weird for me to speak because obviously it's very real, isn't it?
00:00:49.260 Well, yeah, it's my life.
00:00:51.000 Exactly.
00:00:51.360 And, you know, like sometimes when people say like I wouldn't change a thing because of how things are right now.
00:00:58.200 So are you saying that you're not in the situation you want to be in now?
00:01:03.360 No, my children are not in the situation that is the best for them because both of my children are at a statistical disadvantage.
00:01:11.740 I know that now.
00:01:13.380 Yeah, but forget about statistical disadvantage because, like, okay, say for example, you're more a statistical advantage to go to jail if you're from a single parent family.
00:01:21.740 We know this, right?
00:01:22.560 Or there's other statistics.
00:01:24.000 But I'm saying that doesn't necessarily mean that your child has to go to jail.
00:01:26.700 No, I'm not saying it does.
00:01:27.680 But she's saying go back and do it differently.
00:01:31.260 And so, of course, if I know that, you know what, being a single parent isn't the best idea for my daughter who doesn't, has never had a father in her life at all.
00:01:39.680 Because he told me to either have an abortion or stay with him.
00:01:43.540 And so I chose my baby over him.
00:01:45.500 And so, in hindsight, of course, I would want my daughter to get both parents there loving her equally.
00:01:52.220 Like, of course, why wouldn't I want that for my daughter?
00:01:53.860 I want her to be whole and not feel like she somehow isn't because her father doesn't want her.
00:02:00.560 So, like, of course, I would choose that for her.
00:02:03.740 So, are you saying that you're incapable of finding someone that would look after your daughter?
00:02:08.200 She's 19.
00:02:09.140 She's an adult.
00:02:10.260 So, then what do you need to rewind the world for?
00:02:14.360 Because if she asked me the question.
00:02:15.500 No, I'm saying in terms of, okay.
00:02:17.840 I'm not rewinding anything.
00:02:18.840 If someone asked me, yeah, if someone asked me, if I could go back in time, would I not do something that would affect the situation that I'm in right now?
00:02:29.040 If I say that I would regret it, that means, obviously, what I'm going through now, I want to change.
00:02:37.220 No, what my children, not me.
00:02:39.280 But what about you, though, then?
00:02:42.020 So, he's asking if you would change it because you're not happy with the situation you're in now.
00:02:48.860 Not for me, personally, because I love both of my children.
00:02:52.040 Like, the situation that I'm in with my children, I would never change it without a shadow of a doubt.
00:02:56.660 But for my children, if I could go back and make better choices, 100%.
00:03:01.140 What about you, though?
00:03:02.980 She's trying to say she doesn't regret her kids because she loves her kids.
00:03:06.080 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:03:06.560 But what about you, though?
00:03:07.660 Well, of course, for me, it would be easier if I was in a two-parent household as well.
00:03:11.380 Of course, making better choices as I was younger, choosing to not be a parent at 16 and having to live on my own at 16.
00:03:18.540 Of course, that would have been a better decision to not do it.
00:03:20.720 But, like, who wants to be 16 while all your friends are going off, going out, having relationships?
00:03:27.000 I was at home on my own with a little girl having to work out what to do with it because I was 16.
00:03:32.360 I didn't know what I was doing with myself.
00:03:34.000 So, of course, like, there's no 16-year-old that I would say, yeah, this will be a great idea to make this life-changing decision.
00:03:43.300 That's also going to hurt the child and, like...
00:03:48.420 Well, I could say on the other hand then now, you're 35, you're still pretty young, and your children are old enough to do their own thing.
00:03:56.600 So now you could pretty much put your whole rest of your life to yourself.
00:04:01.100 Whereas if someone had kids...
00:04:02.840 But we'd been better together.
00:04:03.800 But sometimes you never know.
00:04:05.080 I would have chosen a better partner, even if I had had a child at 16, but I had chosen a partner that wanted a child with me and wanted to have a baby, and we brought that child up together, that would have been a better choice.
00:04:17.960 It was still my choice.
00:04:19.360 He said, I don't want this kid.
00:04:20.560 I'm not having...
00:04:21.140 I don't want it.
00:04:22.180 I'm never going to have...
00:04:23.020 And he stuck to his word, and he has never had anything to do with my daughter.
00:04:26.040 So that was my choice.
00:04:27.520 So I'm taking accountability for my choices because we create...
00:04:31.080 I've created a trauma in my daughter the moment I chose for her to have an absent father.
00:04:36.480 And so, I mean, for anybody to say, I don't want to change that, for me, would be...
00:04:41.040 I'm like, why?
00:04:42.040 Why wouldn't you want to change that?
00:04:43.080 You were 16, though.
00:04:44.000 I mean, come on.
00:04:44.500 I mean, that's like a child, isn't it?
00:04:46.400 I was a child.
00:04:47.560 Even looking back, I'm like...
00:04:49.300 My daughter's 19 now, and I can't even imagine her holding...
00:04:53.480 I was in Iraq, actually, by that point.
00:04:55.780 So I was in Iraq, and I had a three...
00:04:58.400 Like a three-year-old child.
00:05:00.520 What's Iraq?
00:05:02.220 She's in the military.
00:05:03.540 I was in the military for six years.
00:05:04.680 Iraq.
00:05:05.160 I thought you said Iraq.
00:05:06.640 No, Iraq. 0.96
00:05:07.480 It's not Iraq. 0.92
00:05:08.400 But sometimes you never know of life.
00:05:10.740 Like, with these two kids, you never know what's going to happen.
00:05:14.100 Like, what if, like, in five years, one, you know, makes this business an idea,
00:05:19.620 and they're like this genius, and they have, like, this multi-million...
00:05:23.280 They are amazing children.
00:05:24.600 Yeah, but just because it had a good outcome...
00:05:26.360 That's an anomaly, though.
00:05:27.580 Yeah, like, just because it had a good outcome, it didn't mean it didn't affect them growing up.
00:05:32.040 They might have money I've had to spend on therapy for my daughter.
00:05:35.640 The amount of presence that I have to have, especially because then I went in the military as well,
00:05:39.820 so I double whammyed it, like, make I have, like, because leaving a child at one year old to go off to the military
00:05:47.440 obviously isn't great either.
00:05:48.640 And so it doesn't matter how they turn out, the journey to get to the end of it is still a lot harder for my daughter
00:05:57.500 than it would be if she had...
00:05:58.880 I'm sure if you're used to having your father there, like, when you've got a problem or a boy's pissed you off,
00:06:03.540 you can call your dad.
00:06:04.420 My daughter doesn't have that. 1.00
00:06:05.280 She has to have my fucking advice. 1.00
00:06:08.220 I'm like, my brothers. 1.00
00:06:12.040 It's some...
00:06:12.840 I mean, I knew my dad and I was with my dad and I didn't have that kind of relationship with him.
00:06:18.640 But you're a boy, it's different for you as well.
00:06:20.520 If you say so.
00:06:21.120 I mean, I wanted a relationship that was a bit deeper than it was.
00:06:25.060 Both my brothers say that about my dad.
00:06:27.160 They wish they had a deeper relationship.
00:06:29.060 I wish...
00:06:30.480 Anyway, he's passed away, man.
00:06:32.660 I forget.
00:06:34.380 It's too late.
00:06:35.080 But that's my point.
00:06:36.000 So absence, even in that, there was elements for you that you needed more of.
00:06:40.360 My daughter doesn't have any of.
00:06:42.480 So that, I wish.
00:06:44.280 She can never...
00:06:44.960 It's not going to ever happen.
00:06:46.760 So it's still an element of pain that she has to deal with.
00:06:51.940 And not because of her, but because of me.
00:06:55.060 All right, let me give you some nuance.
00:06:56.040 So now that I know what a dad is like because I grew up with a dad in the household,
00:07:01.940 now I am the image of my dad.
00:07:03.600 Because that's what I saw.
00:07:06.040 As opposed to I didn't have an image, so I wouldn't know what to base myself on.
00:07:11.100 Because as a dad, you'd be very instrumental or very...
00:07:15.340 You imprint...
00:07:16.660 I wouldn't say an exact copy, but a lot of kids become...
00:07:19.400 A lot of men become like their dads.
00:07:21.240 A blueprint, yeah.
00:07:21.840 But at the same time, it's then, isn't that even more a reason to...
00:07:25.780 Like, if my son didn't have his father and I'm...
00:07:29.280 If anyone ever got to speak to his...
00:07:30.840 I'm like on it.
00:07:31.740 I'm like militant about how much time.
00:07:34.580 And even if he's trying to chat back, I don't argue with my son.
00:07:38.780 My son's dad has to deal with the conflict in that situation.
00:07:42.320 But imagine if he didn't have that there.
00:07:46.080 He is eventually going to seek that out outside of my house.
00:07:49.440 And it might not be a good blueprint that he then starts to emulate.
00:07:52.680 What do you think about...
00:07:58.300 Let me repeat the question.
00:08:01.400 About women being single and childless.
00:08:03.680 By 20, 30, 50% of women are projected to be single and childless.
00:08:07.840 Do you think that's the...
00:08:09.140 Does that speak to the quality of the women or the quality of the men?
00:08:15.040 Is that to me?
00:08:16.320 No.
00:08:16.700 No.
00:08:17.180 We'll get to you.
00:08:18.020 I think...
00:08:23.020 I remember there was this class in secondary school.
00:08:26.600 It was called Life Skills.
00:08:28.460 Okay.
00:08:30.540 And we would touch this topic.
00:08:33.260 And they were just...
00:08:34.720 They taught us about...
00:08:36.660 What do they call it?
00:08:38.900 Oh, my God.
00:08:39.480 As soon as I want to talk about having a dating coach,
00:08:42.140 he just walks out the room.
00:08:44.120 How I want it.
00:08:45.180 Like having like a coach for your marriage or your relationships.
00:08:51.780 Or even a dating coach.
00:08:53.660 Like just enlightening you and making you more aware.
00:08:57.140 But to say like either one of like female or male.
00:09:04.680 Like 50% of them being childless and single.
00:09:07.460 I think it's about education.
00:09:09.360 Just educating yourself about what a healthy relationship is.
00:09:12.500 How would you educate yourself?
00:09:13.840 So if you're in Naomi's situation where she has never seen a functioning relationship,
00:09:18.580 how would she do that? 0.94
00:09:20.420 You go to...
00:09:21.840 What do they call it?
00:09:22.640 It's like a mentor.
00:09:24.200 Like a relationship mentor or like a life coach.
00:09:28.700 At 16?
00:09:29.720 Yeah, you can get a life coach.
00:09:31.120 Do life coaches typically...
00:09:33.400 Are they typically married, happy with a family and kids?
00:09:39.540 Sometimes.
00:09:40.600 No.
00:09:41.040 Typically.
00:09:41.440 They're typically like 50-year-old women who've been divorced for 10 years. 0.99
00:09:45.880 It'll be me.
00:09:47.080 I'm not taking dating advice from them.
00:09:50.360 Do you know what?
00:09:50.760 There's an influencer.
00:09:52.320 Her name is... 1.00
00:09:53.200 Oh, can I say her name?
00:09:55.060 I might as well.
00:09:56.000 Her name is Bianca Taylor.
00:09:57.400 She's a life coach and personal trainer. 1.00
00:09:59.320 And her boyfriend, now fiancé, cheated on her twice and she stuck it through.
00:10:06.000 I mean...
00:10:06.400 And they saw...
00:10:07.640 I'm not a life coach.
00:10:09.560 Like a marriage...
00:10:10.340 Like a relationship coach.
00:10:11.500 And they worked through it.
00:10:13.000 But I feel like...
00:10:14.140 Okay.
00:10:15.140 They're outsourcing families.
00:10:17.180 Like you're supposed to be able to go to your parents and your grandparents and your great-grandparents
00:10:21.520 to get wisdom about relationships.
00:10:23.600 And now it's like all the things that you're supposed to do with your family, they outsource.
00:10:27.760 Yeah.
00:10:28.000 So now you're speaking to a stranger that doesn't have your best interest at heart.
00:10:31.580 And, you know, in Naomi's situation, what else is she supposed to do?
00:10:34.240 It might be a good option.
00:10:35.240 You know, I mean...
00:10:36.040 At 16...
00:10:36.760 That's why my daughter had therapy for... 1.00
00:10:38.660 It was damn expensive, but £60 a week.
00:10:41.680 So that she had a good... 0.55
00:10:42.940 Not just any...
00:10:43.900 A good therapist that was going to be able to give her that grandmotherly advice from a married woman. 1.00
00:10:51.240 Oh, she was married?
00:10:51.980 Yeah.
00:10:52.260 That's a good call.
00:10:52.880 Yeah.
00:10:53.700 I don't care.
00:10:54.580 Be careful with the therapist.
00:10:55.500 She was my therapist.
00:10:55.820 As many of you know, I was just banned on TikTok.
00:10:59.400 And we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform.
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