JustPearlyThings - April 02, 2023


Modern Woman hates this question


Episode Stats


Length

11 minutes

Words per minute

227.92313

Word count

2,692

Sentence count

259

Harmful content

Misogyny

15

sentences flagged

Toxicity

3

sentences flagged

Hate speech

11

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we discuss what it means to be a good provider in a modern family and how important it is to have a partner who can provide for you and your family. We also talk about the importance of being a good parent to your children and why it's so important that your partner is good enough to provide for them.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 And I feel like a man is meant to be, if you're married, a provider.
00:00:04.860 Well, not a sole provider, but a provider.
00:00:07.680 And I don't feel like if you're not earning more than me,
00:00:10.600 you could provide for me, like fully.
00:00:13.380 And if we're buying a house together and I don't like it,
00:00:15.400 I'm not going to, and I am providing basically more,
00:00:17.900 it's going to be more my decision.
00:00:19.360 I think it would be hard for me to submit to someone
00:00:21.340 who isn't basically being able to lead me.
00:00:24.280 You're going to have to be able to lead me.
00:00:25.880 And if you're not earning more than me,
00:00:26.980 it's going to be harder for me to agree or listen to you.
00:00:30.340 It might sound, oh, that's not nice, but that's how I feel.
00:00:33.120 I can't listen to someone that isn't earning more than me.
00:00:36.640 But why is that though?
00:00:37.600 I'm the opposite.
00:00:38.500 I just feel like it's just because of the way I've been raised.
00:00:41.200 If I, for example, I use my dad, he's always earned,
00:00:43.660 he's always been an earner.
00:00:44.440 He's always been able to look after me and his family.
00:00:46.600 So that's what I see my future husband doing.
00:00:49.740 And if you're not earning more than me,
00:00:51.000 maybe if it's a short period of time, you've lost money or you're down.
00:00:54.520 But I couldn't marry someone that earns less than me.
00:00:57.320 I just couldn't.
00:00:58.240 Because how I see the role of a man in a household,
00:01:00.300 you're meant to be a leader, provider.
00:01:02.740 I just couldn't.
00:01:03.520 I don't understand.
00:01:04.240 But sometimes there's a come up, so they might be low in the beginning.
00:01:07.920 Could you stick by someone that has a good heart
00:01:10.580 and be with them through the come up?
00:01:13.380 To be honest with you, I feel maybe because of my past experiences,
00:01:17.680 where I am now, I don't want to be with someone that's on a come up.
00:01:21.660 I feel like, especially because I have a child and where I want to be in life,
00:01:27.560 I don't want someone that's on the come up.
00:01:29.300 Maybe a few years ago, it was fine.
00:01:31.460 But where I am now, I want you to be at least a certain level
00:01:34.220 earning a certain amount of money consistently.
00:01:36.520 I don't want to have to raise you or support you consistently.
00:01:40.020 How much money is it?
00:01:41.640 How much money?
00:01:42.180 Do you know what?
00:01:43.380 It doesn't have to be a large amount of money because I'm not,
00:01:46.260 what's the word?
00:01:47.400 High maintenance or...
00:01:48.540 Let me Google, hold on.
00:01:49.600 Yeah.
00:01:50.440 It just...
00:01:51.020 Average salary UK.
00:01:55.180 Okay.
00:01:55.900 I feel like someone just be able to live, maintain,
00:01:59.260 be able to go out on events and do things.
00:02:01.340 It doesn't have to be crazy, but as long as you're...
00:02:03.260 London, £41,000.
00:02:05.360 If he earns that.
00:02:06.280 Yeah, that's the average.
00:02:07.200 It says the average yearly wage for full-time workers in London
00:02:10.080 in 2022, according to status.
00:02:13.440 Yeah, I think that would be fine for me.
00:02:14.900 You don't have to be a millionaire or a billionaire.
00:02:16.860 No way.
00:02:17.620 You just have to be able to support yourself
00:02:19.500 so that we can rise together.
00:02:21.740 I don't want someone that's down and then I have to pull you up
00:02:24.000 because I've got a child.
00:02:24.760 I don't have time to be pulling up everyone.
00:02:26.260 Then there's rebuttal is what are you bringing to the table?
00:02:29.120 What am I bringing to the table?
00:02:30.360 Why?
00:02:30.840 I don't get what...
00:02:31.880 I'm bringing myself.
00:02:35.060 I'm bringing...
00:02:36.060 Anything I can do.
00:02:37.360 Yeah, but...
00:02:37.900 Yeah, I bring a lot to the table.
00:02:39.020 Why do you hate the question?
00:02:40.220 I hate that question.
00:02:41.560 You don't think if you're interviewing for a job,
00:02:43.600 you have to show them your resume and your money experience?
00:02:46.600 Yeah, of course.
00:02:47.480 But I feel like when men ask that question,
00:02:50.460 I feel like we should be asking you,
00:02:53.960 what are you bringing to the table?
00:02:56.780 Money.
00:02:57.060 Because I...
00:02:58.060 41 bags.
00:02:59.460 You know what's crazy?
00:03:00.180 Yeah, but you're forgetting...
00:03:02.600 A woman is going to... 1.00
00:03:04.980 First of all, she's going to make your house a home. 1.00
00:03:07.780 A home.
00:03:08.260 She is going to raise your kids. 0.93
00:03:10.640 Do you think most modern women can make a house a home? 1.00
00:03:13.360 No.
00:03:13.460 Do most modern women have recipes from scratch? 1.00
00:03:15.780 No.
00:03:16.280 No.
00:03:16.520 Modern women that have old school morals. 1.00
00:03:19.020 No.
00:03:19.280 TikTok.
00:03:19.580 Not necessarily.
00:03:22.560 Not necessarily.
00:03:23.880 But what I mean is she is going to make your house feel like a home.
00:03:27.780 She is going to be there for you.
00:03:29.400 How does she do that specifically? 1.00
00:03:31.160 Well, you would do duties around the house, would you not?
00:03:33.980 But a maid can do that. 1.00
00:03:34.520 But not every woman does that now. 1.00
00:03:36.520 It's a certain type of woman you're talking about. 1.00
00:03:38.000 So, like, what does she bring to the table that a hooker, a cook, and a cleaner can't do? 1.00
00:03:42.620 But she's going to be providing you with support, emotional support.
00:03:46.140 But I just think when men hear this, it's like we're saying nothing.
00:03:49.580 Oh, okay.
00:03:50.380 It's like not specific as I can do this, I have this skill, this, this, and this.
00:03:55.480 My mama can do that. 1.00
00:03:57.040 Do you know what it is?
00:03:58.040 Obviously, you know my sexuality.
00:04:00.500 And my role is basically like the male role.
00:04:03.100 So, that's why I'm just asking these little ones and twos to throw you off.
00:04:07.520 But also to get a better understanding.
00:04:10.320 But I'm not really hearing.
00:04:12.600 It's not matching up to the 41 grand that I'm bringing to the table.
00:04:14.760 I don't get why everything's always centered around finances.
00:04:17.740 I understand you need money to survive.
00:04:19.740 But I don't understand where women have the high expectations of expecting a man to have so much money to get with him. 0.99
00:04:25.440 Like, how can I thought, like, if you love someone, it's based on love.
00:04:29.140 Like, not just based on what you can pick.
00:04:31.580 Like, it's like you can tick all these boxes.
00:04:33.520 But where's the love in that?
00:04:34.880 Do you don't get it?
00:04:35.700 One thing I realized from being in a relationship, love is not enough.
00:04:38.160 Love is not enough.
00:04:38.580 So, you can have love.
00:04:39.300 It's wonderful.
00:04:40.080 It's not enough.
00:04:41.100 It's great to be in love.
00:04:42.460 But it's not enough.
00:04:43.060 Love is everything.
00:04:44.060 Peace and love is life.
00:04:46.180 Okay.
00:04:46.700 We can say that.
00:04:47.360 A man wants peace.
00:04:48.540 When you think about it.
00:04:49.040 And he wants love.
00:04:49.700 You can be in love with someone.
00:04:50.720 Love them dearly.
00:04:51.580 But when the bills come, is that love going to pay the bills?
00:04:53.800 You need to lower your maintenance then.
00:04:55.600 Yeah, you can lower your maintenance.
00:04:56.580 If you've got high expectations, you should be providing for yourself then.
00:04:59.720 You can't expect the man to do that.
00:05:01.080 No, but you've got to do it together.
00:05:02.360 For example, okay, you live together.
00:05:04.660 There are certain things that a woman may pay. 1.00
00:05:06.660 And there are certain things that a man may pay.
00:05:08.320 Okay.
00:05:08.860 You both work.
00:05:10.280 Love is not going to pay those bills.
00:05:11.720 Love is not going to keep you warm at night when you have to pay your electricity.
00:05:13.160 But you endure when you survive the life of a household together.
00:05:16.060 You survive.
00:05:16.780 That's how it works.
00:05:17.340 And you become accustomed to the wealth that you make in your household.
00:05:20.160 I get that.
00:05:20.820 But that's not the way I would want to live my life.
00:05:23.180 I want to be able to enjoy.
00:05:25.500 I want to be in love and be able to say, okay.
00:05:28.000 So, if your man makes more than you, why is he expected to make more than you?
00:05:33.620 You make less and you both live the same life.
00:05:35.060 He doesn't have to make more.
00:05:36.220 You just said he has to make more, didn't you?
00:05:38.140 No, no, no.
00:05:38.560 I didn't say he has to make more.
00:05:39.480 I said if I made more, I wouldn't be able to submit to him.
00:05:42.800 So, that means he's going to make more.
00:05:43.880 So, he has to make more?
00:05:45.040 We could make the same amount.
00:05:46.280 You'd be happy with the same amount?
00:05:47.640 Yeah, I would be happy with the same amount.
00:05:48.940 But I find, I know if he makes less than me, it would be harder for me to submit.
00:05:53.880 Why is that?
00:05:54.400 Because I just, that's how I see it.
00:05:56.560 I can't even put a nail on it, but I know if a man made less than me.
00:05:59.120 Do you think society has a role to play in that?
00:06:01.340 That finances got taken its...
00:06:02.840 100%.
00:06:03.340 100%.
00:06:04.440 I'm probably by the way I've been raised.
00:06:05.940 Yeah.
00:06:06.320 Pardon me?
00:06:06.920 It's taken, do you think society has taken a toll on how you love someone?
00:06:10.920 Because it's supposed to be love.
00:06:12.200 Yeah.
00:06:12.700 No, I think it's just the way I see love.
00:06:15.180 I feel like love is not enough.
00:06:16.920 Maybe my past relationship...
00:06:17.620 So, you think love is based on material then, basically?
00:06:19.200 No, what I think love is, is you can love someone, but maybe, what can I say?
00:06:23.620 So, say you was with a man and he was rich and then he went broke, would you stay with him?
00:06:28.020 100%.
00:06:28.420 What's the difference then if the roles are reversed?
00:06:30.640 The difference is because you've gone broke.
00:06:33.040 I didn't meet you broke and I have to raise you.
00:06:33.820 So, why can't you help somebody get rich if you can help them stay broke?
00:06:36.660 Because it's a mentality thing.
00:06:38.580 If he could get rich in the first place, then I know in my heart he can get rich again.
00:06:42.920 But how do you do that?
00:06:43.700 I believe a good person...
00:06:45.200 I believe in his mentality.
00:06:46.000 Do you know what it is?
00:06:46.640 Personally, I get what you're trying to say.
00:06:47.960 A good person can see potential in somebody from nothing.
00:06:50.660 The problem is, if I speak from my personal experiences, I am always the one seeing potential in people.
00:06:55.200 And always trying to stick by them.
00:06:55.680 Maybe there's something that you should look within yourself that might need fixing and choosing a partner then.
00:06:59.880 Maybe it's not the man.
00:07:00.820 Do you know what it is?
00:07:01.500 Maybe it is.
00:07:02.160 But that's why I've made a decision to say I'm not looking, I'm not going to go with somebody that is.
00:07:07.040 I'm not going to look at anyone's potential anymore because we can see potential for days.
00:07:10.100 It doesn't mean that they're going to reach that.
00:07:11.540 So, what I've learned is I now want to be with someone or get to date someone that is at a certain stage that I can say,
00:07:17.540 okay, you're not at your pulling up stage.
00:07:19.160 I don't have to pull you up.
00:07:20.240 I feel like you're here.
00:07:20.620 I think that's very unfair on men.
00:07:22.280 Well, maybe that is.
00:07:23.640 But that's my opinion.
00:07:24.520 That's where I am now.
00:07:25.340 I've given people chances, pulled them up.
00:07:27.960 So, you want a high value man, basically.
00:07:30.060 I wouldn't say high value, but someone that is at a...
00:07:32.060 Yeah, high value.
00:07:32.880 Oh, yeah.
00:07:33.380 We could say high value.
00:07:34.020 Yes, the high value.
00:07:34.980 But you've got a child as well, then, you know?
00:07:36.680 Just so you guys know.
00:07:37.420 You've got a child as well.
00:07:38.780 If we're going to use that term, it's 10K a month.
00:07:40.860 That's high value.
00:07:42.980 I wouldn't say high value.
00:07:44.280 I just want someone that is able to pay their bills, feed themselves.
00:07:48.120 Okay, so what if a guy ticked all them boxes and emotionally you don't feel nothing, but besides that, he's absolutely perfect.
00:07:55.020 Would you stay with him?
00:07:55.460 I don't like him.
00:07:56.480 There's no emotional connection.
00:07:57.540 There's no love there.
00:07:58.200 You said love isn't what it used to be.
00:07:59.920 No, I said love isn't enough.
00:08:01.720 So, I can love someone, but everything else has to be respectful.
00:08:04.940 You have to have family values.
00:08:06.100 Just say he ticked all them boxes, but you love them a little bit.
00:08:10.920 Love is important.
00:08:12.640 He ticks all them boxes.
00:08:13.880 Say that question.
00:08:14.980 If a man ticked all the boxes and you loved him a little bit, is that good enough?
00:08:21.420 No.
00:08:22.460 Okay.
00:08:22.800 No, it's not.
00:08:23.620 I agree with you.
00:08:25.400 Sorry.
00:08:26.040 Do you think there's a minimum?
00:08:27.760 Like a guy has to have a job, right?
00:08:29.820 Okay, yeah.
00:08:30.620 Yeah.
00:08:30.860 I mean, I think it's dishonest when we say it's all about love.
00:08:34.180 Because I think at some point, if a guy's unemployed for five years, you're probably going to leave.
00:08:38.600 I think it's about the mentality of a person.
00:08:41.180 So, like, if somebody's broke, say I met someone and he's broke, but he's got the right mentality to conquer the world.
00:08:47.820 Then by all means, I can support him and I can help him.
00:08:50.220 I'm happy to do that.
00:08:51.540 No, I agree with you.
00:08:52.720 It's about mentality.
00:08:53.700 But I just think when we're asking these questions, it's like, what is the minimum?
00:08:57.780 I don't have a minimum.
00:08:58.640 If I like somebody and I believe in them, then they've got my support.
00:09:03.040 But how long are you believing in them until they, like...
00:09:06.480 As long as I think it's difficult, say, I have money and the man doesn't have any money.
00:09:11.160 If he can respect my values and, like, believe that I'm putting him in positions to help him, then I'll support him.
00:09:17.060 But for how long?
00:09:17.360 If he's getting up every day at six in the morning and he's trying and trying, you can't fault somebody like that.
00:09:23.260 Because we're all from different places.
00:09:24.380 But for how long?
00:09:25.240 And there's no job five years later.
00:09:28.180 But I'm just, I think I've got a whole different perspective of life because of my lifestyle and how I've been brought up.
00:09:34.740 What's different about your lifestyle?
00:09:36.540 Everything.
00:09:37.240 I think my life's upbringing experience is completely different to a lot of people.
00:09:41.900 Okay.
00:09:42.440 How so?
00:09:42.860 I don't really want to dig too deep on here, if I'm being honest.
00:09:45.220 But I just do believe that my circumstances are quite unique.
00:09:49.760 I just don't think money is everything.
00:09:51.980 So what would it take for you not to believe in him anymore?
00:09:54.220 For you to say, okay, cool.
00:09:55.300 My first, like, perspective of this man was wrong.
00:09:58.720 And he's actually, like, not a bum, sorry. 0.96
00:10:02.900 If he's behaving like a bum, then obviously that's a huge red flag that he doesn't really want to change his life. 0.99
00:10:08.400 He's quite happy being mediocre. 0.96
00:10:10.220 So, yeah.
00:10:11.160 So that's when you'll leave.
00:10:12.340 When you realise his true mentality.
00:10:14.220 Yeah, but I haven't ever encountered a situation like that to say I'm going like a...
00:10:20.480 Okay.
00:10:21.540 What were you going to say?
00:10:22.780 You had something to say earlier.
00:10:24.100 Yeah, I just agree with you.
00:10:26.780 Sorry, I forgot your lovely name.
00:10:28.200 Janae.
00:10:28.300 Janae.
00:10:28.780 I agree with you.
00:10:30.000 And I feel like what you were trying to say was, yes, your love is...
00:10:35.220 You love someone, but it's, as a woman, it's conditional. 1.00
00:10:39.860 And I'm going to be honest, as a woman, like, my love is conditional.
00:10:43.700 Yes, I can love you.
00:10:45.000 And yes, I can have these amazing, beautiful memories with you.
00:10:48.380 But if you are not bringing those qualities that I want and you are not going to contribute to the life that I want for myself, then that love is not enough for me.
00:11:01.880 It's not enough for me.
00:11:03.460 And if I'm honest with you, I'm not really looking to be with someone and do the whole struggle love thing.
00:11:09.720 I'll be honest, I'm not.
00:11:11.340 I'll agree.
00:11:11.840 Yes, you have dreams, but it's not my job to sit here and motivate you and be holding your hand.
00:11:18.020 While you're doing it, I'm not looking for a project.
00:11:20.660 I'm looking for someone who is established because I feel like as a high value woman, I am allowed to seek a high value man, especially because I know what I bring to the table. 0.60
00:11:30.740 So I want someone to match that.
00:11:32.780 As many of you know, I was just banned on TikTok and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform.
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