JustPearlyThings - Modern Woman IGNORES Her Parents Advice

00:00:00.000 I'm just saying, like, we have been talking about the men forever.

00:00:03.600 It's like, we, like, they, I don't want no scrub, scrub.

00:00:08.480 Like, there's, there's no, there's no, there's no song saying, I don't want no whale, a whale is out.

00:00:13.840 Like, nobody's saying that.

00:00:15.900 And I'm saying, like, we, they have had, like, we have had decades where we talk.

00:00:20.440 It's like, now the men are finally talking and we can't even give them their.

00:00:24.820 That's kind of true because even men, when they were singing about women, they sang a lot about.

00:00:29.280 Love songs.

00:00:30.440 It was nice.

00:00:32.440 And I think it's sad to see that men are not making that music.

00:00:34.780 I feel like from the moment you're born, I don't know if it's just in an African home.

00:00:39.360 In an African home, you're literally raised to cater for your man. 1.00

00:00:43.580 That's good.

00:00:44.360 From as young as I was.

00:00:44.920 My mom, I was eight.

00:00:45.780 My mom was like, you need to know how to cook for your man. 1.00

00:00:48.000 You need to look good for your man.

00:00:50.420 You should be thankful you were naturally taught game.

00:00:53.280 A lot of girls didn't get taught that. 1.00

00:00:55.640 I didn't get that.

00:00:56.280 Yeah, like, a lot of, a lot of women would love, like, even, I mean, my parents just started dating.

00:01:01.940 My parents, my parents started dating when they were 17.

00:01:04.420 My mom taught me no game.

00:01:05.700 She's like, meet your husband in high school.

00:01:07.380 A lot of women aren't taught the basic necessities of being a woman, like, cooking, cleaning. 1.00

00:01:12.400 It's shocking to me.

00:01:13.320 Yeah, so it's a privilege.

00:01:15.560 Like, you have something in your holster, in your bag that you can whip out whenever you need to for a man.

00:01:21.580 Like, okay, I can cook for him.

00:01:22.820 I can clean for him because you have it on you.

00:01:24.780 A lot of women had to learn that on their own or just had to go throughout life and learning it. 1.00

00:01:30.820 They never were taught it or they never needed to have it until they were in a position where, like, oh, I can't do this on my own.

00:01:38.800 I can't cook.

00:01:39.500 I can't clean.

00:01:40.400 I can't work a simple vacuum.

00:01:43.060 I can't do this because things have been done for me my whole life or I was never taught that.

00:01:48.180 And so you shouldn't look at it as, like, oh, I was taught this from jump.

00:01:52.760 I was taught how to cater to my man or be a woman.

00:01:55.740 And, like, African women, like women like me, Nigerian background especially, that's all we know.

00:02:02.640 It's about, even, like, now I'm 26. 0.56

00:02:05.040 My mom tells me if I'm 30 without a husband, I am basically useless.

00:02:08.720 Okay, okay, but you at least, so if you look at dating app data, she's right.

00:02:14.600 I agree, she's right about that.

00:02:16.420 So if you look at dating app data, that's when the numbers change,

00:02:19.880 where, like, women typically have more, like, leverage on dating apps than men until 30. 1.00

00:02:24.600 And then men typically do.

00:02:26.080 I can't remember.

00:02:27.240 Some girl was going over the study. 0.97

00:02:29.340 But, and so, like, she was being honest.

00:02:32.280 And if anything, you should be thankful for how well they prepped you for the world

00:02:35.720 because a lot of girls hit 30 and have no idea. 1.00

00:02:40.340 Like, this is a privilege.

00:02:41.440 Like, a lot of girls don't have a dad or a mom to, like, tell them these things. 0.58

00:02:45.100 And even me, like, my mom didn't know shit about dating or the dating landscape.

00:02:50.860 And, yeah, and it's, like, so you at least know this at 26 where you can still make choices 0.81

00:02:56.520 that would get you in a better position at 30 where other girls are going to hit 30 1.00

00:03:01.660 completely blind and screwed. 0.94

00:03:03.320 Oh, but you know what? 0.96

00:03:05.260 I, although today I'm not in your side, I will agree with her.

00:03:09.820 And the only thing I will do is say slightly different.

00:03:14.520 I will say, like, for example, for me, like I mentioned, my dad passed away when I was 12.

00:03:20.560 But I grew up seeing my mom cater to my dad.

00:03:22.740 So I learned a lot from him.

00:03:23.800 But then after he was gone, what my mom did is teach me these survival skills that you need

00:03:30.640 anyways to be able to make it through the world.

00:03:34.020 So I believe that even things like cooking, sewing, this, this, that, that's all type of

00:03:38.680 kind of like self-care.

00:03:40.600 And once you learn to take care of yourself, you'll be able to learn to take care of someone else.

00:03:44.200 But the fact that a lot of the time, a lot of women don't still have the ability to take 1.00

00:03:48.120 accountability means you're not taking care of yourself because you don't even know what

00:03:51.620 you're doing wrong.

00:03:52.220 So you can't even be better.

00:03:53.720 So when you go into a relationship, you land yourself in trouble.

00:03:56.580 That's what it is.

00:03:57.520 You should be able to do for yourself what you can do for others.

00:04:00.560 If not, then there's no point in you trying to say, oh, but you know, I'm a woman.

00:04:03.880 And why am I going to do this for a man?

00:04:05.400 Do it for yourself.

00:04:06.320 How can you not cook?

00:04:07.160 What's going to happen if you can't cook?

00:04:08.960 What about the fact that as a woman, you're going to be the mother?

00:04:11.620 And as I mentioned earlier, as the mother, as the woman, you're going to be more nurturing.

00:04:15.640 So these basic life skills, forget about even for a man. 1.00

00:04:18.880 Do it for you and for the fact that one day you may want to be a mother.

00:04:21.620 Then everything falls into place if that makes it an easier pill to swallow.

00:04:25.580 See, I agree with that.

00:04:27.800 I do have a question.

00:04:28.940 From your perspective, Brittany, how was it for you?

00:04:35.100 Correct me if I'm wrong.

00:04:36.140 You grew up with just your mother.

00:04:38.060 So I was raised by my mom until about like nine and then my grandma kind of took over.

00:04:45.620 So when I was growing up, I thought my mom just didn't want to be around, but my grandma

00:04:48.800 was really controlling and was basically like, I'm the mom now.

00:04:51.880 So like she kicked my mom out and my grandma was my caretaker, my grandma and grandpa.

00:04:56.620 So I was raised by my grandparents the other half of my life.

00:04:59.960 Okay, how was that for you in terms of just learning how to be a woman whenever you reached 0.96

00:05:06.860 that point?

00:05:07.840 I felt like a lot of their ideas were just really outdated.

00:05:13.600 I felt like they were really strict and it was smothering.

00:05:16.520 So even just going to a simple party or going to a friend's house, like as an adult, do I

00:05:21.940 see why maybe parents aren't so quick to let you go over to someone's house?

00:05:25.460 Yes, but it was to a place where you couldn't even explore.

00:05:29.440 I didn't really learn too much from my grandma about being a wife or how to be in a relationship 0.92

00:05:36.820 because I always felt like they just tolerated each other.

00:05:39.580 I never really saw the love, like the bond.

00:05:44.360 I've never really seen that.

00:05:46.540 It's just always something I've known to be true, but I've never seen anybody do it.

00:05:51.060 So I felt like my grandma was trying to get me to cook and do little stuff like that.

00:05:54.880 But it just was never something that I really took an interest in.

00:05:58.400 I'm like, I genuinely never felt like I belonged in the kitchen.

00:06:02.180 And that's where, too, I resented my thought process a lot growing up because I'm like,

00:06:10.040 why can't I just be a little bit more simple, a little bit more obedient, maybe more agreeable,

00:06:14.160 not have such a strong opinion, not be so introspective?

00:06:18.120 That's just where I'm just different.

00:06:19.760 So I feel like my grandma tried to teach me maybe how to cook, but as far as catering to

00:06:23.900 a man, no, I learned everything on the fly.

00:06:27.880 And that's where I think sometimes maybe I get a little frustrated with the internet's

00:06:32.760 perspective because I'm like, you don't even know what I've had to go through to even be

00:06:36.200 able to speak with this awareness.

00:06:38.660 Like I've had to bump my head so many times to just be able to sit in my car and give you

00:06:44.580 a sermon, you know?

00:06:45.520 So I just never felt like I really was prepared to be a wife, ever, genuinely.

00:06:53.280 And you're not alone.

00:06:54.160 I think a lot of girls feel like that. 0.57

00:06:56.180 Like, I mean, how many, I don't think the stuff that we talk about on these podcasts would

00:07:00.300 be so shocking if women weren't lied to for 50 years. 1.00

00:07:04.160 Yeah.

00:07:04.400 And I think it's like, even talking to Andrew today, like, wasn't it helpful?

00:07:08.220 Like when he was talking about stuff, I was, even me, and I listened to this stuff all the

00:07:12.200 time.

00:07:12.440 I was like, oh, I never thought of that.

00:07:14.680 Like when he was talking about how to get a guy to stop playing video games, I was like,

00:07:17.580 I wish I knew this.

00:07:21.240 I was like, wow.

00:07:22.420 Yeah, that's actually a good one.

00:07:24.440 When I think about it, yeah.

00:07:26.060 I want to try it.

00:07:27.040 Do you think that coming from a two-parent home and it's like a loving environment that's

00:07:34.380 for everybody, that it sets you up more for success to be able to operate in relationships

00:07:41.520 or be willing to submit to whoever the man is because you've seen it growing up?

00:07:47.980 Or does it just, does it not have an effect?

00:07:50.400 I think that's a really great question.

00:07:52.080 I know a lot of people who grew up in dual parent households and they saw their mother

00:07:57.700 getting cheated on and staying.

00:08:01.160 And like, I know like someone recently, they were married for like 25 years or so, for 23

00:08:07.400 years.

00:08:07.760 And she left basically when the kids were old enough to just like, none of them were in

00:08:11.780 high school anymore.

00:08:13.720 And I, I remember when I was talking to her, she felt like she was setting her kids up for

00:08:17.960 success because we're all under the same roof.

00:08:19.940 Um, they have a better chance of whatever.

00:08:23.060 Right.

00:08:23.500 And it still was damaging because you are witnessing your mother tolerate disrespect for, uh, security.

00:08:35.280 How did, how did the kids know?

00:08:37.800 How the kids, how the kids know what?

00:08:39.400 That she was being cheated on.

00:08:40.900 Um, it was something that this particular situation, it was, I know one instance was like one of

00:08:50.140 their family friends. 0.99

00:08:51.580 Oh shit. 1.00

00:08:52.420 Yeah. 1.00

00:08:52.580 It was really close to home stuff.

00:08:54.180 Um, and there was another situation, another scenario where it was, it was one of the family

00:08:59.060 friends they were cheating on or is that told them?

00:09:01.340 Um, no, it was, they were cheating with one of their family friends.

00:09:04.700 So like someone like, oh, we go over to her house all the time, but my dad is sleeping with

00:09:07.740 her.

00:09:08.300 Oh, so he, they would see the parent cheat.

00:09:10.840 Um, it, I'm not exactly, I don't, I don't think it was, they physically saw it, but it

00:09:15.180 was something that the mom would share, um, that they would hear arguments to, like if

00:09:20.880 they weren't, even if they weren't involved in the actual argument, they would overhear,

00:09:23.940 um, which obviously, you know, showing, exposing your kids to that stuff is one thing.

00:09:29.160 But the other instance was, um, the dad was going out to the club with like the son and

00:09:36.200 he had a girl with him.

00:09:37.480 So it's like that direct, like, I don't respect your mom in this way.

00:09:43.120 I can do what I want to do.

00:09:44.120 And your mom's still going to stay. 0.97

00:09:45.380 So that's where I feel like it really depends on what's going on in that household.

00:09:49.720 Because seeing your mom be basically disrespected for comfort, it's like, it sends the wrong

00:09:57.220 message about love.

00:09:58.400 I agree.

00:09:58.800 Like blatant dislike.

00:09:59.700 I can't believe he brought his son to a club and she like that. 1.00

00:10:02.480 That's crazy.

00:10:03.220 Yeah.

00:10:03.440 Like the girl with him.

00:10:04.420 But I just think sometimes, you know, we never talk about like the women's part to

00:10:08.460 play in this.

00:10:09.280 And like one, one in four marriages are sexless.

00:10:12.160 One is horror.

00:10:13.500 And so I just think if you're going to starve a man and he's begging you to sleep with him 0.79

00:10:17.980 and someone comes on a platter, like, that's why I say we never talk about why the men cheat.

00:10:22.700 And a lot of people will take this out of context.

00:10:24.360 Like I believe in cheating, but like there are times where the woman is not sleeping with 1.00

00:10:28.780 the man and then he cheats, but he's not naturally inclined to.

00:10:31.640 And that's a conversation we don't really have.

00:10:35.360 I'm not saying it's okay, but it's almost like, what did you, what did you expect?

00:10:40.180 But at the same time, I was just banned on TikTok and we are demonetized on a daily basis

00:10:46.100 on this platform.

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JustPearlyThings - April 23, 2023

Modern Woman IGNORES Her Parents Advice

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