Modern Woman Proves Why Men Don't Go For Single Mothers
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
218.10277
Summary
In this episode, we discuss stepdads and their role in society and how they are seen and treated in the modern era. We also discuss the issues of step-fathers and step-children, and the issues that come with them.
Transcript
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a stepdad which is her dad my dad raised her from the age so if i didn't get a father figure in life
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i might have not understood the way that i think to this day and it doesn't necessarily have to
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mean me being in relationship but like maybe just simple things in life or like how i can look at
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life or like my beliefs in life or like how to be open-minded who i am as a black woman if i didn't
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get those certain things could i just hope that my mom was gonna give me all of that and also
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our dad treats us the same yeah he doesn't differentiate if if i get she gets if she gets
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i get well i think that's also representative of your mother so your mom's recognized this man's
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going to be a stepdad and she's going to treat him like probably like we have different different
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moms okay wait so yeah it's complicated our younger siblings have so i have the same dad as our
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younger siblings and she has the same mom as i'm just a different dad i'm the only one with a
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different dad and i'm the only one with a different mom so they both brought a kid into
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the relationship yeah okay cool i understand i understand um yeah but i'll still say the same
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thing i think before men were respected for being stepdads like they were respected they were seen
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as they were picking up another man there was literally women would be like oh my god i can't
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believe i'm getting married this guy's come but now it's like you know they want they think being
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a single mother is like empowering and it's something to be proud of i'm like girl like you can't
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even keep the man that you bred from like we don't respect that over here and when we say it loud
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it sounds like it sounds mad because men don't say this because they're not going to stay around
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long enough they're just going to hit it and keep it moving i think there's also correlation between
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that and the um promiscuous behavior of women as well because you know we were talking about
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hoes before when you sleep around indiscriminately and you're not really trying to filter out
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who you got a connection with who you see something long term with that's when you're more likely
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to end up being a single mom because you're having sex with a guy that probably you've got
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no future with and then you just end up with this kid so i think there's a lot of that going
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on as well how these women end up single moms well and the problem is it's a lot bigger liability
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nowadays to become um a stepfather because one like if she leaves you have no rights to that child
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so you could raise a kid for 10 years and you could never see that child again
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and then on top of that like if you get married to her and you get divorced like she can take half
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and put and put and put you on child support if you have more kids
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i mean and women and women leave 70 to 80 percent of the time 90 percent of their college educated
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oh no yeah we're the ones a lot of times women are afraid of being left but we're the ones leaving
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does that surprise you not really no no do you think that's normal with like what you've seen
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um yeah definitely from what my i've seen in my lifetime i feel like um like my mom was with
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our dad for a while and then she ended up doing the independent thing and like doing it herself
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but i don't know i just think like they they understood each other but they were two different
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people at the same time of what they wanted to achieve out of life did she get remarried
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no my mom was never married actually do you do you think she was happier when she was in a
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relationship or out of it in it and i don't think she would want to admit that but yeah yeah she had
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happy times when she was single too but i think just being a family as a whole would just make any
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woman or any couple happy what um does that like do you feel like having that model growing up like was
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it did it help you with men or no no um i respect him i love him as a father figure definitely but
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there's always going to be that i'm not really chosen kind of feeling because he's not really
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my biological dad and it's not nothing against him it's just how i feel um maybe a lot of people
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or kids when they're in mixed or blended families probably feel that way too but
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i mean it's not their fault they do the best that they can how i feel is just how i feel based on
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how i would like my family to be i guess like i would love my dad to still be in the picture
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but that's not necessarily the case um i know who my dad is but we don't have a relationship at all
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do you feel like having your dad in the picture would have helped you like vet guys better
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i don't know because now i know who my dad is i don't think he would have really made a difference
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just being honest you know what what what i get from this is just even listening to you and i
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and i feel for you in a way but i feel for your stepdad because just listen like imagine your
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stepdad listen here's this no he stepped in he's done as best he can does all of these things but
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yet you still just feel like for some reason that i just don't belong even though he's trying to make
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you belong obviously he's obviously i feel like nobody would understand unless they're in that
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situation no no no but i know i hear you i hear you i'm just saying like it it probably would hurt
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him and it's nothing new that i haven't not said to him before but once again when i talk about not
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wanting to be a stepdad look at what you just gave me you gave me i can bring you up i can come in i
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can do all these things but you're still not gonna see me as your dad but i don't know if it would
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have made a difference if i had a relationship with my dad too if that makes any sense yeah i hear that
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but now we don't know about that but the one the one thing we do know you did have a man father
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figure in your life and he was constant and he was there and he taught me a lot and he taught you a
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lot but you still have a feeling of this is an incomplete feeling yeah and this is why i say it's
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important for us to affect the relationships and we stay and keep our families together because one
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of the biggest things that i've seen is that my mom and dad have been together through freaking
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thing and it's been the basis of what how i see my life and relationships and when women don't
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prescribe to that i automatically know this is not someone i want to be with because of what i've
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been brought up to well let me not make it seem like that no because no because i do want to make
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sure that we're showing appreciation for somebody that actually did make a difference in my life
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because if he wasn't in my life i don't know who i would actually be today i'm not going to make it
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seem like that because the conversations that i've had the things that he's taught me the books that
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he's told me to read me making music and wanting to do more about my artistry that was down to him
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but the inside feeling i don't know how to explain it it's an incomplete feeling of knowing that
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my dad didn't want my dad didn't want nothing to do with me but one of the things that i think is
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important today is that people always talk about how easy it's go get another man to just step in
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like but they don't speak to the children that have stepped that have actually grown up in these
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things where they never had their dad or they and a lot of times i've spoken to a lot of my friends
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and i see all the all the hurt and all the trauma that that's been caused from just women saying
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oh yeah i'll pick a next man or your dad can't be in there like people need to there's something about
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identity and the reason i have such a strong sense of identity is because i have my history my roots
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back through my village i go back there i know my grandfather i know all the history back through the
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walls and that puts you a sense of identity and so when you step into the world and then you meet
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all these people that just have all these broken ideas of how things should be it's it makes it sound
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like you're some anomaly or some crazy person but you're actually not and no i'm not but i think
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it's also as much as we all want things to be a type of way and that goes with culture as well as
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religion i'm not gonna try and act like my life was a complete blow over because i had a stepfather
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in my life and i didn't have my dad in my life like i'm still grateful for everything that i've got
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because i'm still here i could have drank the like i could have done a lot ages ago but that's not the
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case i feel like there's still a normality when it comes to blended families i feel like
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if like it might not necessarily have to be a dad it could be a woman inside the inside the picture
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too do you think we should make blended families normal or try to have women better vet the men
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they sleep with in a family stay together i feel like both because you do need to know who you're
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sleeping with but at the same time if you've like gone and done what you did how do we move forward are
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we just going to keep looking back at like where it all went wrong and some people they don't
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they notice afterwards having kids i i know like obviously like what what are the women with children
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going to do like that like what else can they do other than try to move forward but i'm saying for
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the next generation you know you don't think it's better to push them to keep families together yeah
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and i think that's the only point he's trying to make no and i agree i agree it's not to diminish
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what like he sounds like a great man like it's not to diminish anything he did i was saying it for
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myself sake yeah yeah yeah it's just for like the next generation we should probably push for
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families to stay together and as like the next generation or looking at it in a way where i've
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seen my mom being blended families and like how it worked out for her not in that way but i personally
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would like to be in a family where this is my man this is my kids this is our us as a family it's not
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like divorce would never be an option so i'm like the next example i guess do you feel like the men
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that you pick or would make good husbands and fathers the ones i've done previously
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no the one i'm speaking to now yeah yeah but what about what are you actually i don't want to get
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him in trouble speak freely like what what do you do you agree he'd make a good husband good father
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do you even remember his name yeah that's what i'm saying yeah oh you guys are asking yeah yeah and i
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and i said i don't want to get you in trouble and then you said speak freely sorry missed the question
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completely um obviously of what i've heard of this guy he's a good guy he works he does his thing but
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obviously i don't i haven't met him personally he doesn't live in this country in it so it's like
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another drops my situation he doesn't what wait how many drop the mic situations do you have in one
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episode wait wait wait wait for a treat okay and you know you and i just you know you don't have to
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answer if i get okay i'm just gonna ask you how did you meet him it's a long story i met him here i met him
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here if that makes you might have like out out or online out out and then so you met him and then
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he moved no he was on holiday yeah oh he was on holiday and and and where is he now what country
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i'm not gonna stay there is it in europe or is it like africa it's not in london no it's not in
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the united kingdom is it short haul or long haul long haul man said long how are you going to run
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americans will get you it's not it's him this is what i said at the beginning i have my thoughts and
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obviously i i can't say too much more on the topic as many of you know i was just banned on tick tock
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