JustPearlyThings - Modern Woman Proves Why Men Don't Go For Single Mothers

00:00:00.000 a stepdad which is her dad my dad raised her from the age so if i didn't get a father figure in life

00:00:05.700 i might have not understood the way that i think to this day and it doesn't necessarily have to

00:00:10.880 mean me being in relationship but like maybe just simple things in life or like how i can look at

00:00:16.280 life or like my beliefs in life or like how to be open-minded who i am as a black woman if i didn't

00:00:22.360 get those certain things could i just hope that my mom was gonna give me all of that and also

00:00:27.500 our dad treats us the same yeah he doesn't differentiate if if i get she gets if she gets

00:00:33.500 i get well i think that's also representative of your mother so your mom's recognized this man's

00:00:37.560 going to be a stepdad and she's going to treat him like probably like we have different different

00:00:40.860 moms okay wait so yeah it's complicated our younger siblings have so i have the same dad as our

00:00:49.480 younger siblings and she has the same mom as i'm just a different dad i'm the only one with a

00:00:53.840 different dad and i'm the only one with a different mom so they both brought a kid into

00:00:58.380 the relationship yeah okay cool i understand i understand um yeah but i'll still say the same

00:01:03.460 thing i think before men were respected for being stepdads like they were respected they were seen

00:01:09.960 as they were picking up another man there was literally women would be like oh my god i can't 1.00

00:01:13.980 believe i'm getting married this guy's come but now it's like you know they want they think being

00:01:17.840 a single mother is like empowering and it's something to be proud of i'm like girl like you can't

00:01:21.900 even keep the man that you bred from like we don't respect that over here and when we say it loud

00:01:25.800 it sounds like it sounds mad because men don't say this because they're not going to stay around

00:01:30.320 long enough they're just going to hit it and keep it moving i think there's also correlation between

00:01:33.900 that and the um promiscuous behavior of women as well because you know we were talking about 1.00

00:01:37.780 hoes before when you sleep around indiscriminately and you're not really trying to filter out 1.00

00:01:42.320 who you got a connection with who you see something long term with that's when you're more likely 0.63

00:01:46.660 to end up being a single mom because you're having sex with a guy that probably you've got 0.92

00:01:49.900 no future with and then you just end up with this kid so i think there's a lot of that going

00:01:54.100 on as well how these women end up single moms well and the problem is it's a lot bigger liability 1.00

00:01:58.900 nowadays to become um a stepfather because one like if she leaves you have no rights to that child

00:02:04.200 so you could raise a kid for 10 years and you could never see that child again

00:02:07.980 and then on top of that like if you get married to her and you get divorced like she can take half 1.00

00:02:13.580 and put and put and put you on child support if you have more kids

00:02:17.940 i mean and women and women leave 70 to 80 percent of the time 90 percent of their college educated

00:02:24.780 oh no yeah we're the ones a lot of times women are afraid of being left but we're the ones leaving

00:02:30.020 does that surprise you not really no no do you think that's normal with like what you've seen

00:02:37.440 um yeah definitely from what my i've seen in my lifetime i feel like um like my mom was with

00:02:44.760 our dad for a while and then she ended up doing the independent thing and like doing it herself

00:02:52.200 but i don't know i just think like they they understood each other but they were two different

00:02:56.840 people at the same time of what they wanted to achieve out of life did she get remarried 0.99

00:03:01.120 no my mom was never married actually do you do you think she was happier when she was in a

00:03:05.840 relationship or out of it in it and i don't think she would want to admit that but yeah yeah she had

00:03:12.960 happy times when she was single too but i think just being a family as a whole would just make any

00:03:17.460 woman or any couple happy what um does that like do you feel like having that model growing up like was 1.00

00:03:26.680 it did it help you with men or no no um i respect him i love him as a father figure definitely but

00:03:37.840 there's always going to be that i'm not really chosen kind of feeling because he's not really

00:03:42.860 my biological dad and it's not nothing against him it's just how i feel um maybe a lot of people

00:03:49.780 or kids when they're in mixed or blended families probably feel that way too but

00:03:54.000 i mean it's not their fault they do the best that they can how i feel is just how i feel based on

00:03:59.020 how i would like my family to be i guess like i would love my dad to still be in the picture

00:04:04.620 but that's not necessarily the case um i know who my dad is but we don't have a relationship at all

00:04:12.000 do you feel like having your dad in the picture would have helped you like vet guys better

00:04:16.500 i don't know because now i know who my dad is i don't think he would have really made a difference

00:04:20.480 just being honest you know what what what i get from this is just even listening to you and i

00:04:27.260 and i feel for you in a way but i feel for your stepdad because just listen like imagine your

00:04:31.880 stepdad listen here's this no he stepped in he's done as best he can does all of these things but

00:04:37.120 yet you still just feel like for some reason that i just don't belong even though he's trying to make

00:04:41.000 you belong obviously he's obviously i feel like nobody would understand unless they're in that

00:04:45.040 situation no no no but i know i hear you i hear you i'm just saying like it it probably would hurt

00:04:50.240 him and it's nothing new that i haven't not said to him before but once again when i talk about not

00:04:55.460 wanting to be a stepdad look at what you just gave me you gave me i can bring you up i can come in i

00:05:00.820 can do all these things but you're still not gonna see me as your dad but i don't know if it would

00:05:04.980 have made a difference if i had a relationship with my dad too if that makes any sense yeah i hear that

00:05:09.580 but now we don't know about that but the one the one thing we do know you did have a man father

00:05:13.860 figure in your life and he was constant and he was there and he taught me a lot and he taught you a

00:05:17.920 lot but you still have a feeling of this is an incomplete feeling yeah and this is why i say it's

00:05:24.140 important for us to affect the relationships and we stay and keep our families together because one

00:05:29.160 of the biggest things that i've seen is that my mom and dad have been together through freaking

00:05:32.480 thing and it's been the basis of what how i see my life and relationships and when women don't 1.00

00:05:37.780 prescribe to that i automatically know this is not someone i want to be with because of what i've

00:05:41.560 been brought up to well let me not make it seem like that no because no because i do want to make

00:05:46.520 sure that we're showing appreciation for somebody that actually did make a difference in my life

00:05:50.320 because if he wasn't in my life i don't know who i would actually be today i'm not going to make it

00:05:54.240 seem like that because the conversations that i've had the things that he's taught me the books that

00:05:58.720 he's told me to read me making music and wanting to do more about my artistry that was down to him

00:06:05.140 but the inside feeling i don't know how to explain it it's an incomplete feeling of knowing that

00:06:11.300 my dad didn't want my dad didn't want nothing to do with me but one of the things that i think is

00:06:16.280 important today is that people always talk about how easy it's go get another man to just step in

00:06:21.100 like but they don't speak to the children that have stepped that have actually grown up in these

00:06:24.780 things where they never had their dad or they and a lot of times i've spoken to a lot of my friends

00:06:29.780 and i see all the all the hurt and all the trauma that that's been caused from just women saying

00:06:33.940 oh yeah i'll pick a next man or your dad can't be in there like people need to there's something about

00:06:37.820 identity and the reason i have such a strong sense of identity is because i have my history my roots

00:06:43.300 back through my village i go back there i know my grandfather i know all the history back through the

00:06:47.380 walls and that puts you a sense of identity and so when you step into the world and then you meet

00:06:52.180 all these people that just have all these broken ideas of how things should be it's it makes it sound

00:06:57.380 like you're some anomaly or some crazy person but you're actually not and no i'm not but i think

00:07:02.020 it's also as much as we all want things to be a type of way and that goes with culture as well as

00:07:07.860 religion i'm not gonna try and act like my life was a complete blow over because i had a stepfather

00:07:13.100 in my life and i didn't have my dad in my life like i'm still grateful for everything that i've got

00:07:17.220 because i'm still here i could have drank the like i could have done a lot ages ago but that's not the

00:07:24.040 case i feel like there's still a normality when it comes to blended families i feel like

00:07:28.680 if like it might not necessarily have to be a dad it could be a woman inside the inside the picture

00:07:33.400 too do you think we should make blended families normal or try to have women better vet the men

00:07:38.360 they sleep with in a family stay together i feel like both because you do need to know who you're

00:07:42.840 sleeping with but at the same time if you've like gone and done what you did how do we move forward are

00:07:48.120 we just going to keep looking back at like where it all went wrong and some people they don't

00:07:52.840 they notice afterwards having kids i i know like obviously like what what are the women with children 1.00

00:07:58.280 going to do like that like what else can they do other than try to move forward but i'm saying for

00:08:02.040 the next generation you know you don't think it's better to push them to keep families together yeah

00:08:07.080 and i think that's the only point he's trying to make no and i agree i agree it's not to diminish

00:08:10.920 what like he sounds like a great man like it's not to diminish anything he did i was saying it for

00:08:15.560 myself sake yeah yeah yeah it's just for like the next generation we should probably push for 0.98

00:08:20.200 families to stay together and as like the next generation or looking at it in a way where i've

00:08:24.920 seen my mom being blended families and like how it worked out for her not in that way but i personally

00:08:30.840 would like to be in a family where this is my man this is my kids this is our us as a family it's not

00:08:38.040 like divorce would never be an option so i'm like the next example i guess do you feel like the men

00:08:44.280 that you pick or would make good husbands and fathers the ones i've done previously

00:08:49.000 no the one i'm speaking to now yeah yeah but what about what are you actually i don't want to get

00:08:55.160 him in trouble speak freely like what what do you do you agree he'd make a good husband good father

00:09:02.920 do you even remember his name yeah that's what i'm saying yeah oh you guys are asking yeah yeah and i

00:09:13.800 and i said i don't want to get you in trouble and then you said speak freely sorry missed the question

00:09:19.000 completely um obviously of what i've heard of this guy he's a good guy he works he does his thing but

00:09:25.560 obviously i don't i haven't met him personally he doesn't live in this country in it so it's like

00:09:30.600 another drops my situation he doesn't what wait how many drop the mic situations do you have in one

00:09:38.280 episode wait wait wait wait for a treat okay and you know you and i just you know you don't have to

00:09:42.760 answer if i get okay i'm just gonna ask you how did you meet him it's a long story i met him here i met him

00:09:49.560 here if that makes you might have like out out or online out out and then so you met him and then

00:09:54.680 he moved no he was on holiday yeah oh he was on holiday and and and where is he now what country

00:10:04.840 i'm not gonna stay there is it in europe or is it like africa it's not in london no it's not in

00:10:12.520 the united kingdom is it short haul or long haul long haul man said long how are you going to run

00:10:21.560 okay united states

00:10:25.640 americans will get you it's not it's him this is what i said at the beginning i have my thoughts and

00:10:34.600 obviously i i can't say too much more on the topic as many of you know i was just banned on tick tock

00:10:41.240 and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform if you want to help please consider

00:10:47.800 sending a super thanks below every donation helps and it helps make what we do possible

JustPearlyThings - March 29, 2023

Modern Woman Proves Why Men Don't Go For Single Mothers

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