JustPearlyThings - November 02, 2023


Modern Women ADMIT Men Deserve Better Treatment in Dating Market


Episode Stats


Length

28 minutes

Words per minute

232.591

Word count

6,639

Sentence count

45

Harmful content

Misogyny

65

sentences flagged

Toxicity

15

sentences flagged

Hate speech

61

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we talk about love and how it's not a choice and how to deal with the emotions that come and go in relationships. We talk about our own experiences of falling in and out of love with our partners and how we deal with them. We also talk about the difference between unconditional love and conditional love.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 Because if he if you would choose bad, but but we don't choose it. We feel it. Yeah, like you you fool
00:00:05.700 You can't control the things you can't control these emotions because you know the person is bad for you 0.98
00:00:10.340 So why would anyone go I'm gonna choose that anyway? No, because you fit like you love them and it's not a choice
00:00:16.140 I think you can control it though. Don't you I think sometimes we just let it get a bit out
00:00:19.380 I mean you choose who you have sex with so you know 0.89
00:00:21.780 You could feel one way about a guy, but you know if you see red flag red flag
00:00:26.580 You don't have to say sex and love us are two different things. Yeah, but where does it start?
00:00:30.420 I feel like you can't like for example, you could be with someone for a long time
00:00:34.260 You really like you know that you love them
00:00:36.240 You can't just switch it off when you realize this they're starting to act different
00:00:39.400 You can't just like just turn it off and be like yeah, I don't love you no more. It doesn't work like that. You can make a choice
00:00:44.220 Yeah, you can make a choice. You can make a choice to leave them, but it's not gonna stop what you feel
00:00:48.980 You get me like you can still feel a way like you might even miss them
00:00:52.360 Because now you feel like you love the person they've done you like this, but you've left and now you're feeling like oh
00:00:57.760 That's what makes people want to go back as well because it's like oh like
00:01:01.300 You start to second-guess like oh did they even do this that bad was it was it wasn't me was I overreacting like it's it's not a choice
00:01:08.800 It might be I mean, how is it how is it not a choice if you're gonna be with someone or not be with someone?
00:01:12.940 Okay, isn't that a choice obviously that's you how you can feel how you feel but that's always you make
00:01:17.080 That's a choice, but I meant love is not a choice like you can't choose to turn off your feelings for somebody
00:01:22.700 Yeah, I feel like feelings are gonna come and go so if you're gonna be married for 50 years
00:01:26.700 Do you think you're always gonna feel in love? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I think it's a choice at the end of the day
00:01:30.640 Yeah, but you know your parents want to beat your brains out sometimes right like when you're a kid
00:01:35.540 They always love you though
00:01:37.060 So one day my mom can't like tomorrow say you know what amber don't love you no more. It's gone
00:01:43.640 Completely, but I bet sometimes they feel like that when you're acting a certain way
00:01:48.160 I do not think that they do
00:01:50.160 So you think your parents sometimes are like pal?
00:01:52.800 I feel like sometimes they felt like they wanted to kill me, you know, but they still love you though
00:01:57.640 They still love you, but I'm saying it was a choice. My mom's definitely wanted to kill me a couple of times
00:02:04.200 It's unconditional love with children. Yeah if I was to ask like with your kids
00:02:08.640 I'll turn around to you and say oh, maybe tomorrow you won't love them no more
00:02:13.540 But that's what I'm saying. It's a different type of love. There's different types of love isn't there?
00:02:16.880 There's not just one type so there's like agape love that romantic love there's that coming with the children, but definitely with the children
00:02:23.660 It's that unconditional love whereas with with men or partners. It's it's it is conditional to some degree
00:02:30.240 But I don't feel like you choose any of it
00:02:32.140 That's how and I'm like especially cool
00:02:34.560 Like you know how we're talking about how we were in relationships when we're younger. I feel like when you're younger
00:02:38.760 You confuse the different types of love like you might think okay. I love this person
00:02:42.560 So even if they do this to me, it's not gonna stop me feeling this way
00:02:45.960 So it kind of comes off as unconditional, but obviously at that age you don't really understand
00:02:50.040 But it's just the feelings I think sometimes women would have better outcomes if her parents picked a husband for us 0.99
00:02:55.900 No, yeah, I do actually yeah
00:02:57.800 Yeah, I think that arranged marriages have got very good success rate
00:03:01.060 Not with my mum
00:03:03.060 I don't know because also sometimes my mum will buy me like a rug for my room and I hate it
00:03:07.380 And that's just a rug
00:03:08.340 I think a lot of time we go after chemistry don't we wait, but that's what we're feeling with these guys
00:03:13.340 It's the chemistry. It's not necessarily like this like you mentioned earlier. I hope you don't mind
00:03:18.540 But you know this sort of calming effect this person has on you
00:03:21.700 I understand that now today to be love when actually someone is like my peace and my calm
00:03:27.180 Whereas when you're younger you go after the frill you go after the excitement there, you know
00:03:32.140 So I just think that it's also like a hormonal response
00:03:35.180 When did that switch for you from going for the exciting guy to the more calm peaceful guy?
00:03:40.500 And what age?
00:03:41.180 Yeah, good question. I think that um
00:03:44.060 Probably 30 around 30. Yeah 29 30 when I when I when I felt pregnant at 30
00:03:49.180 Yeah
00:03:51.180 I felt pregnant with a guy I was with friends who for like five years and then we had a family together very quickly
00:03:56.940 Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah, and I kind of can't help but feel that there's a look there's a huge difference
00:04:01.820 And I think that for us sometimes we get them a little bit confused
00:04:04.540 There's a big difference between love and lust and and what we think you know that whole excitement that thrill that
00:04:10.620 This is so not good for me, but I just want it anyway. Oh, he wants me. He desires me. He lusts me
00:04:15.420 Um, yeah, there's a big difference between the two and I think when as that for me anyway
00:04:20.300 at the young age that I was I
00:04:23.020 I don't know if I can leave it the first phase of our relationship was definitely lusty
00:04:27.340 I think I put him on a pedestal store to some degree
00:04:30.300 Um, when we had the kids it was love
00:04:32.060 But I think it was more staying in a situation for the for the wrong reasons if that makes sense
00:04:37.260 Um, so now after coming out of that relationship, I was single for a long time like five years of single for
00:04:43.420 um, and
00:04:45.420 I reflect on the chaos that was the last relationship and the war that I went through in the end of it
00:04:51.660 So now that I'm all over the five years sort of coming to a place where you're comfortable with yourself
00:04:57.020 You really love yourself. You really know your worth and what you want from a person
00:05:02.780 It changes your view on on your relationships
00:05:05.740 But you know how you're talking about obviously lust and love and stuff. Don't you think that
00:05:10.700 relationships come after lust because at the end of the day for somebody to be attracted to you and to want to get to know you like that
00:05:16.540 It's all about physical attraction. How they feel about you in the beginning
00:05:20.140 So I feel like lust kind of can in a way play into love because it comes that not really
00:05:26.220 No one could turn my head that I really fancy now
00:05:28.300 I don't care how hot a guy is you couldn't turn my head now
00:05:31.500 You know what I mean? But if cool you were chatting to somebody let's say you find them attractive whatever
00:05:35.980 They start ticking your boxes as you go one by one and then
00:05:39.660 At the end of the day, you're going to start feeling this person. You're going to start off with a lust
00:05:42.700 Yeah, you're going to start getting attracted and looks fade as well
00:05:45.340 Do you think historically women have gone after looks? 0.80
00:05:49.500 I think so. Yeah, no, actually I think women now more than ever 0.75
00:05:53.420 I think women actually go after like dominance in a kind of way like 1.00
00:05:57.900 The man who's manly are kind of thing like even if you look back in history and stuff
00:06:01.820 They'll go after the man. I don't know who's killed so many people. I don't know
00:06:05.900 But they'll go after these men that are showing their strength you get it
00:06:09.660 Nobody wants a simp
00:06:11.020 So at the end of the day everybody wants to go for a man that's showing his manliness
00:06:14.540 You don't have to be the best looking guy in the world
00:06:16.220 But as long as you are coming off as a man, I feel like you get it 1.00
00:06:20.300 I think with dating apps everybody's so looks focused now all the women included, you know, it's just it's literally yes
00:06:26.540 No, yes
00:06:27.020 I mean, how can you make a decision about your husband by looking at one photograph on it on a dating app, you know, but they're doing it
00:06:33.820 They're saying no to these guys who are good guys good character
00:06:38.300 How much can you tell from one picture?
00:06:39.980 Well, you can't but they're making that decision
00:06:41.660 Who do you guys who do you guys think is pickier with looks men or women men men? 0.98
00:06:47.660 100 men no, I think women for sure 1.00
00:06:53.180 Okay, okay, so would you would you say that dating apps is primarily looks?
00:06:58.380 Yeah, I've seen a lot of things about like the captions as well, yeah, or how they slide into the deals
00:07:05.100 I've never actually had like a conversation with a load of girls and it's about looks not really
00:07:11.500 Would you would you say that when people select on dating apps mostly through looks?
00:07:15.500 I don't really know because I've never really been on a date
00:07:17.900 Well, I think men just swipe nearly enough everyone 0.99
00:07:19.980 And then they whittle down once they've got all the matches and work out who they want to invest time to get to know
00:07:24.220 What percent of men do you think women swipe right on? 1.00
00:07:29.180 All of them
00:07:29.980 Five percent
00:07:30.300 Five percent
00:07:30.940 Women, what percentage of men do women swipe on? 1.00
00:07:34.060 I'm gonna say like ten percent
00:07:35.980 Ten percent
00:07:37.340 Probably ten percent, yeah
00:07:39.100 Yeah, I'd think that because obviously if you're in person it's the same kind of thing like
00:07:43.980 You get more guys trying to approach women than women trying to approach guys 0.65
00:07:47.660 I'm not gonna lie, I've never approached a guy like that unless unless I was drunk or something
00:07:51.500 And that feels for jokes
00:07:52.700 But um, I don't really do that
00:07:54.940 So I feel like if men are doing that anyway, why not on a dating app?
00:07:58.220 Would men not be the ones to approach the women as well?
00:08:00.380 I don't think the men are analysing the profiles like the women are
00:08:03.260 So what percent of the time do you think men swipe right on dating apps? 1.00
00:08:06.860 So wait, what do you think?
00:08:07.900 I was gonna, that's what I thought the question was for girls 1.00
00:08:10.700 For girls and guys
00:08:11.900 I think girls swipe on men like five percent 1.00
00:08:14.620 Because we expect men to be dominant and pursuers
00:08:18.700 But men swipe on older women, I think 95 percent 1.00
00:08:22.380 95 percent, 85
00:08:24.060 Because I have guy friends and some of them swipe left
00:08:25.980 So I'm just like yeah
00:08:27.020 They don't even look at their phone, they just swipe left, so I'm just like
00:08:29.980 So who's pickier when it comes to looks, men or women?
00:08:33.500 But that's an unfair thing to say
00:08:35.900 I know guys, they will not find a girl attractive
00:08:39.020 And they'll still do what they're doing, if that makes sense
00:08:41.500 I feel like to base it off a dating app is an unfair basis
00:08:45.100 Because when it comes down to it
00:08:48.940 Men want someone who they think is beautiful 0.83
00:08:53.100 Women are more for the protection that they can get 1.00
00:08:56.620 What the, how they can build a future of the man so on and so forth
00:08:59.820 Looks do play a part, however, there's a lot more that feeds into it
00:09:03.900 And a man is going to, a man, okay 0.94
00:09:06.140 But you don't think on a dating app
00:09:07.500 That's mostly looks
00:09:08.940 That's why
00:09:09.500 So when we're selecting based on looks, who's pickier?
00:09:12.300 That's why I said it's unfair because a dating app is unfair 0.78
00:09:14.780 Because a woman is going to look at a lot more than just looks 1.00
00:09:17.580 Because for me, I can only speak for myself actually
00:09:19.820 But when I'm looking at someone's profile or whatever
00:09:22.060 I'm not even on dating apps to date just to say
00:09:24.220 That sounds really bad
00:09:25.180 I'm not on dating apps for any reason, just sometimes I'm bored
00:09:27.660 But um, but um
00:09:30.380 This is a hobby for you
00:09:32.060 But like, but like, because you know like at two o'clock in the morning
00:09:34.300 Like I don't scroll through Instagram, whatever, whatever
00:09:36.620 I'm just like, I'm about to go to sleep
00:09:37.820 Who are you trying to talk to at 2am in the morning?
00:09:39.500 I don't talk, this is the thing, this is the bad thing
00:09:41.660 I don't talk to anyone
00:09:42.860 I'm just like, oh, let me look at the weird people about
00:09:45.500 And that's what I, that's what I'm saying
00:09:46.780 If I see someone who looks weird or interesting or something like that
00:09:49.900 Then I might swipe right on them
00:09:51.260 Have like a small conversation, see what I can learn from them
00:09:53.820 And then carry on with my day
00:09:55.020 It's not necessarily about looks and all these kind of things
00:09:57.340 And um, I
00:09:59.180 Do you think women are picky about height? 1.00
00:10:01.260 Oh yeah, I don't know
00:10:02.540 I don't know, I can't speak on that
00:10:04.540 Would you guys date a guy, would you guys, would you guys date a guy
00:10:07.980 That is two inches, three inches shorter than you?
00:10:11.340 No
00:10:11.900 No?
00:10:12.380 Because if you're already shorter than me, what about when I wear heels?
00:10:15.100 You're gonna think, people gonna think you're my child
00:10:16.780 I think height
00:10:17.980 I have done
00:10:19.100 Yes
00:10:19.500 And I'm quite tall
00:10:20.220 I've dated some of my height
00:10:21.500 No shorter, I said
00:10:22.540 Not three inches shorter, no
00:10:23.740 No shorter
00:10:25.660 No, no
00:10:26.300 I'm just curious out of the guys, would you guys date a girl
00:10:30.620 If she looked good, three inches taller than you? 1.00
00:10:32.940 Yeah
00:10:33.660 Yeah
00:10:34.140 Blessing
00:10:36.140 Yeah, he's nodding
00:10:37.020 Who's pickier, men or women?
00:10:38.700 When it comes to looks?
00:10:40.140 But the height and looks
00:10:42.140 I feel like height
00:10:43.180 And looks like if we could do weight even
00:10:44.940 Women weigh more than men 1.00
00:10:47.820 Oh
00:10:48.540 This one though
00:10:49.500 This one
00:10:50.540 Yeah, do you know what height?
00:10:51.260 The thing is
00:10:51.500 Yeah
00:10:51.820 No, I actually have like a
00:10:53.180 The thing is with women 1.00
00:10:55.100 When women are bigger 1.00
00:10:57.900 No, it's based on BMI
00:11:00.140 It's based on BMI
00:11:01.260 So women have like a worse BMI than men 1.00
00:11:03.180 Yeah, yeah
00:11:03.580 But that's because we're curvier
00:11:04.860 And we've got more
00:11:05.420 We've got thighs 0.64
00:11:06.060 We've got hips 0.57
00:11:06.860 No, it's just because we eat more
00:11:08.940 Okay, fine
00:11:09.820 But we do have like the extra weight
00:11:11.740 No, um
00:11:13.500 Boobs and stuff
00:11:14.220 No, but I'm saying like for our height
00:11:16.380 So like we
00:11:17.500 We're fatter for our height
00:11:19.660 So they
00:11:20.060 Yeah
00:11:20.540 Like if you look at BMI of a man and BMI of a woman
00:11:23.020 Women are fatter 1.00
00:11:23.980 I think women have to be pickier 1.00
00:11:26.300 I don't think that
00:11:27.180 I'm not saying it's a bad thing
00:11:28.380 No, I'm just saying
00:11:29.100 Even with looks we're pickier
00:11:30.460 We have to be though
00:11:31.260 Because at the end of the day
00:11:32.460 Man can go and do whatever they want
00:11:34.300 With so many different women 0.69
00:11:35.740 But we have to think about our future offspring
00:11:37.980 And all these kind of things
00:11:38.780 And I'm sorry
00:11:39.340 I'm not going to pick a man
00:11:40.300 If I think he has bad genetics
00:11:41.580 If he has bad work drive
00:11:42.860 If he has bad all of these different kind of things
00:11:45.100 So I have to be picky
00:11:46.460 What percent of men do you think are sexually active?
00:11:49.420 All of them
00:11:49.980 No, no, no, no, no, no
00:11:51.820 80% of men
00:11:52.780 80%
00:11:53.580 No, no
00:11:53.980 I think 65
00:11:54.860 I think 99.9
00:11:56.220 40
00:11:56.620 40%
00:11:57.340 40% of men
00:11:58.140 I think there's 40%
00:11:59.100 There's a lot of pressure on men nowadays
00:12:01.740 I think a lot of them are looking after themselves
00:12:03.100 Yeah
00:12:03.500 What about you?
00:12:05.580 Oh god
00:12:06.220 I don't know
00:12:06.620 Like 99.9%
00:12:07.820 You think 99.99%
00:12:09.660 No
00:12:09.820 Just something very high
00:12:11.820 I don't think anything
00:12:12.700 Maybe 80
00:12:13.980 80
00:12:14.460 80 something
00:12:15.100 Yeah
00:12:15.380 What if I told you
00:12:16.300 One out of every three men under 30
00:12:18.300 Are either virgins
00:12:19.240 Or haven't had sex in the past year 0.97
00:12:20.780 I
00:12:21.100 I
00:12:21.260 Love that
00:12:21.980 In which country though?
00:12:23.180 I love that
00:12:23.980 This country
00:12:24.380 Oh
00:12:25.020 America
00:12:25.980 There's a lot of frustrated men out there
00:12:27.820 There's a lot of incels
00:12:28.940 But also like if you consider
00:12:30.860 Like you know
00:12:31.900 Not every guy is a 10
00:12:33.340 Same way like not every girl is a 10
00:12:34.700 But there are guys who are socially awkward
00:12:36.780 There are guys that just don't have that game
00:12:38.300 There are a lot of guys that get missed out
00:12:39.740 Because they don't have that look that women are looking for 1.00
00:12:42.940 Or they don't have that alpha that women are looking for 0.94
00:12:45.980 And there's people who do it for religious purpose as well
00:12:48.940 What?
00:12:49.580 I promise you these guys are not
00:12:52.940 I promise you
00:12:53.580 Yeah
00:12:54.380 Yeah
00:12:54.540 Not even people that want to do it before marriage
00:12:56.940 And that
00:12:57.260 I know there's a couple
00:12:58.220 I guarantee
00:12:58.700 It's not 33%
00:13:00.380 And these are nice guys then
00:13:01.740 You reckon
00:13:02.140 These are the nice guys
00:13:03.100 Yeah
00:13:03.340 They won't cheat on you
00:13:04.780 I mean
00:13:05.260 I mean they got no one else
00:13:06.300 To pick
00:13:08.780 But that's what I say
00:13:10.060 We pick instability
00:13:11.420 Right
00:13:11.740 We could pick the stable guys
00:13:13.340 That aren't seeing anyone else
00:13:14.540 But we pick the guys that are seeing
00:13:15.740 Like that's why you guys think
00:13:16.780 That all the guys are sexually active
00:13:18.780 Because you pick the guys that are
00:13:20.380 They're the ones that aren't
00:13:21.580 What percent of guys do you think are over six foot?
00:13:25.100 There isn't that many
00:13:26.060 Less than 10% probably
00:13:27.260 No
00:13:27.580 Maybe like 30
00:13:28.860 30%
00:13:30.300 The guys that are over six foot that are active
00:13:32.300 Or just how many guys are just over six foot
00:13:34.380 Yeah
00:13:34.620 There's
00:13:34.860 I mean
00:13:35.180 I'd say like
00:13:35.740 I don't know
00:13:36.140 Like 40-50% of men are over six foot
00:13:39.420 No way
00:13:39.900 Where are you looking?
00:13:40.540 America
00:13:41.020 No
00:13:41.580 But across the board
00:13:42.380 Not just UK
00:13:43.020 Right
00:13:43.340 Across the board
00:13:43.980 Maybe
00:13:44.620 US UK
00:13:45.340 Yes
00:13:45.740 Stats are based
00:13:46.460 I know Americans are tall 0.91
00:13:48.060 They're tall
00:13:48.380 That's why they play basketball
00:13:49.820 What about you?
00:13:50.860 I said maybe like 25%
00:13:52.780 I think
00:13:53.020 25%
00:13:53.660 Yeah I'll go in 20-45%
00:13:55.420 Of 15% 0.96
00:13:56.700 Wow okay fair enough
00:13:57.980 Okay
00:13:58.620 And these five foot two women that are demanding a six foot plus man 1.00
00:14:01.500 That makes no sense to me 0.99
00:14:02.540 That is ridiculous 0.96
00:14:03.740 I can't lie 0.93
00:14:04.860 I would get with a guy who's like still in the five foot
00:14:07.020 Because I'm only five foot five
00:14:08.380 You can be five foot nine
00:14:09.180 As long as
00:14:10.220 I'm in heels and I'm not over that
00:14:12.060 Five seven even is fine for you
00:14:13.980 Yeah
00:14:14.380 But I think everyone's allowed to have a preference of height
00:14:17.020 Like
00:14:17.500 Yeah you can have a preference
00:14:18.780 But there's not enough to go around
00:14:20.140 There's not
00:14:20.700 But you can find one
00:14:21.980 I didn't
00:14:22.460 Yeah I didn't say it was a bad thing
00:14:23.980 Like I mean historically we needed a guy that could protect us
00:14:26.860 That's why
00:14:27.260 Either stay single or just
00:14:28.780 Or wait for the
00:14:30.060 You know the six foot something guy
00:14:31.660 Well listen there's only 15% of these men though
00:14:33.740 Over six foot
00:14:34.380 And you're telling me all the five foot twos want to be taking them 1.00
00:14:36.460 But is this
00:14:37.580 A lot of short girls are the ones that go for the extra 1.00
00:14:39.740 I like tall
00:14:40.220 And what percent of those guys have good jobs
00:14:43.260 And what percent of those guys are good looking too
00:14:45.580 So it's like typically if you select a guy
00:14:47.980 He's had to meet multiple metrics
00:14:49.660 And it's a very small percentage of men that most women are after 1.00
00:14:53.100 Guys get the raw deal
00:14:55.100 They really do
00:14:55.740 No
00:14:56.620 Those guys do
00:14:57.580 Yeah
00:14:57.820 Those guys
00:14:58.300 Yeah those guys
00:14:58.940 The other ones they've got their pick haven't they
00:15:01.100 They've got their pick
00:15:01.820 Yeah those guys do
00:15:03.100 But then you have one out of three men that are either virgins or haven't had sex in the past year
00:15:06.860 I love that
00:15:08.140 I'm quite surprised
00:15:09.180 Where are these men?
00:15:09.820 Come on get
00:15:10.540 Get
00:15:10.860 Start a dating site for these
00:15:12.300 Go to
00:15:13.260 Go to tusco
00:15:13.980 Look at the guy working behind the counter
00:15:16.380 It's true
00:15:17.580 I mean there's a million
00:15:18.380 You don't really notice it
00:15:19.180 But there's a million men that like we just like don't see
00:15:22.140 They feel invisible then these guys
00:15:23.740 If they're not getting picked for
00:15:25.580 The fact that they're meeting these metrics
00:15:28.300 Yeah
00:15:28.620 I mean you've heard like six foot six figures six
00:15:32.940 Six pack
00:15:33.500 I don't think there's many
00:15:34.700 What percentage of men have got a six pack?
00:15:36.060 Not many
00:15:36.940 Most have got dad bods even when they're not dads
00:15:39.260 But there's like a thing which a lot of girls like dad bods
00:15:42.620 Have you heard that?
00:15:43.340 But what man likes a mum bod though? 0.72
00:15:45.500 That's the question
00:15:47.580 When you say mum bod what do you mean?
00:15:49.900 One that's had a baby
00:15:51.820 You know I've had three
00:15:52.940 I mean thankfully I'm not too in a state
00:15:56.060 But honestly like you know women that have had children
00:15:59.020 Men almost expect us to look like we've never had children
00:16:01.580 Literally
00:16:02.700 I don't think they expect that
00:16:04.540 A lot of them do
00:16:05.420 Oh they do
00:16:05.980 I think they want you to keep in shape
00:16:07.900 Regardless if you had children
00:16:09.420 I think that that's a pressure that we put on ourselves
00:16:11.980 To do that
00:16:12.700 I think there are a lot that don't expect that actually
00:16:15.500 Or I just know some really kind men and really good men
00:16:18.140 I feel like guys expect you to gain like 10, 20 pounds
00:16:23.180 What I don't think they expect is for you to blow up like a balloon
00:16:26.220 And look like an entirely different person
00:16:28.140 Sure
00:16:28.300 Sure
00:16:28.860 Yeah
00:16:29.180 You know I think most guys are forgiving 10, 20 pounds
00:16:32.140 But it's just like when you look like a completely different person
00:16:34.860 Yeah
00:16:35.100 When you've doubled in size
00:16:36.140 You know it's like after you have a baby
00:16:37.500 I've heard like that's when men are most likely like to step out on you 0.99
00:16:40.780 Because you can't have sex for a certain amount of months after you give birth
00:16:44.140 You're obviously going to look different
00:16:45.500 Your body's changed like your whole body's different
00:16:47.340 So it's like if the guy's not really like I don't know
00:16:50.220 I don't think he's got the energy he's going to be up all night with the baby
00:16:53.420 He ain't got energy to be doing that in those first six weeks
00:16:55.580 These men find their energy somewhere
00:16:57.020 I also think that
00:16:58.300 What percent of men can even get laid?
00:17:00.940 You've to understand it's such a small percentage of men
00:17:03.660 That even have girls coming to them like that to the point that they can cheat 1.00
00:17:07.340 It's maybe 10, 15, 20 percent
00:17:10.140 Like it's hard
00:17:11.260 Harder than you think for a guy to get laid
00:17:13.740 I think that we think it's easier
00:17:15.340 But it is just the guys that women are choosing 1.00
00:17:18.460 It's easier for women to get 1.00
00:17:20.300 That side of things I'd imagine isn't it really
00:17:23.020 A woman can go out on a night out 1.00
00:17:24.220 Quite easy for her to go home with a fella 1.00
00:17:25.980 Anyone she wants really
00:17:27.260 There's a shelter down the street
00:17:29.980 You can just go in
00:17:33.900 It's true it's so true yeah
00:17:36.220 Okay do you guys think that
00:17:39.020 Women romanticize toxic relationships? 1.00
00:17:41.580 Oh yes they do yeah
00:17:43.500 I think the hurt
00:17:43.980 You remember what I said earlier about
00:17:45.820 Having someone who's not necessarily a good person
00:17:48.780 But they are only good to you
00:17:50.380 I can't like there's a certain kind of appeal to people like that
00:17:52.700 And I feel like
00:17:53.980 Again with the whole like oh I don't know
00:17:56.300 You can't do this you can't do that
00:17:57.900 Sometimes it feels good to hear
00:17:59.180 But sometimes it's just a bit of a mistake you know
00:18:02.060 That sounds controlling
00:18:03.100 I don't like the sound of that
00:18:03.820 I know but it's like
00:18:04.860 Obviously now I wouldn't
00:18:05.900 But my younger self would be like
00:18:07.580 Oh so this guy really cares
00:18:08.780 Like enough to tell me a b c d 0.98
00:18:10.700 If that makes sense to you
00:18:13.260 And I'm not trying to offend you here
00:18:14.540 But I feel like women that that like that 1.00
00:18:16.860 Often don't have that good relationship with their father
00:18:18.780 So they're almost looking for that
00:18:20.300 Father sort of authority figure
00:18:22.780 You know I think that's what that plays into
00:18:25.740 Also I feel like social media has a big part to play in that
00:18:29.180 Because I've noticed a trend where on social media will say
00:18:32.620 Oh this is what women are into now 1.00
00:18:34.860 And then I'll look around me
00:18:36.540 And then females around me and that's what they're into 1.00
00:18:39.180 And like I said earlier
00:18:40.380 I think there's a way for a man to be authoritative
00:18:43.260 And all these kind of things
00:18:44.540 But what is portrayed on social media
00:18:46.700 And even in music and everything 0.86
00:18:49.420 Is that a man must be toxically masculine 0.96
00:18:52.700 And then that's why it's romanticized
00:18:54.140 Is because everyone's like
00:18:55.500 Oh everyone around me is romanticizing this
00:18:57.820 So it must be the right thing
00:18:59.100 It must mean whatever they're saying
00:19:01.500 That it means sort of thing
00:19:02.300 Do you know what I mean?
00:19:02.780 What is toxic masculinity? 0.59
00:19:05.420 So I feel like
00:19:06.540 It stems from a man who does not know himself
00:19:10.060 And he does not know how to regulate his emotions
00:19:12.700 Because men are very logical
00:19:13.900 By the end of the day they still have emotions
00:19:15.980 And they do not know how to regulate that
00:19:17.740 But they know
00:19:18.460 What do you mean they don't know how to regulate it?
00:19:20.300 Okay so a man knows innately in my opinion 1.00
00:19:23.500 That he is meant to protect and provide
00:19:25.420 And that he is meant to be the head in some kind of way
00:19:28.940 I feel like that's an innate thing that a man knows
00:19:31.260 However when you are told that that is the only thing that you must be
00:19:35.820 And then your kind of other emotions
00:19:38.220 The emotions that make you human are kind of shunned
00:19:40.620 You do not know how to
00:19:41.420 What do you mean by emotions that make you human?
00:19:43.180 Because anything like
00:19:45.020 Like what emotion?
00:19:45.820 Like to be overtly happy or when you said the word simp
00:19:49.340 Like to feel like an emotion that is like
00:19:51.420 Oh I want to feel soft for this person
00:19:52.940 And all these kind of things
00:19:53.820 Being soft
00:19:54.700 Like everything is yin and yang
00:19:55.980 And men and women
00:19:57.100 They both have masculine and feminine energy 0.98
00:19:59.100 And you need to embrace both of those
00:20:00.940 But not obviously too much masculinity in a female 1.00
00:20:03.100 And too much femininity 1.00
00:20:04.220 Don't you think you're asking men to emote like women? 0.86
00:20:07.180 No, no, no
00:20:07.980 I'm not saying that at all
00:20:08.860 What I'm saying is that you have to understand that as a man
00:20:12.220 You're going to have a little bit of feminine energy 1.00
00:20:14.220 Even if it's 1%, 20%, 30%
00:20:16.460 I don't know
00:20:16.860 Do you want men with a lot of feminine energy? 1.00
00:20:18.780 And keep
00:20:19.500 I said 1%, 20% 1.00
00:20:20.940 I'm giving variables
00:20:21.900 And to be honest
00:20:22.620 I don't mind
00:20:23.660 As long as you are able to fulfill your role as a man
00:20:26.540 Which is to provide and protect and to lead
00:20:29.260 If you have feminine energy
00:20:30.620 If you're going to sit there
00:20:31.500 And I want to be 1.00
00:20:32.140 I want to do some dumb feminine shit with you 1.00
00:20:34.060 And you're going to sit there and allow me to do it 1.00
00:20:35.580 We can do that behind closed doors
00:20:36.940 If I want to do your nails and do your hair and do your makeup
00:20:39.180 We can do that behind closed doors and that is
00:20:41.180 Makeup?
00:20:42.140 Yes, I'm sorry
00:20:43.340 We can do that behind closed doors
00:20:44.380 Some men will not allow that
00:20:45.500 No, mine wouldn't
00:20:46.300 Yeah, but this is the thing
00:20:47.260 If you
00:20:47.900 And I feel like that shows how
00:20:49.340 I'm just
00:20:50.300 What is toxic masculinity? 0.59
00:20:52.060 Okay, yeah
00:20:53.580 Can I have a specific example?
00:20:55.020 Okay
00:20:55.500 So for example
00:20:56.700 A man feels angry
00:20:58.860 Because a woman is undermining his authority 1.00
00:21:01.580 But he's not putting out that authority
00:21:03.180 In the correct way
00:21:04.060 So then he unleashes the anger out on her
00:21:06.620 And starts blaming her
00:21:07.500 And all these kind of things
00:21:08.220 Being like
00:21:08.700 Oh, you don't listen
00:21:09.660 Okay, let me give a specific example
00:21:11.500 I believe that a man should make sure
00:21:15.180 That his woman looks presentable 0.97
00:21:17.260 I do not want to go out
00:21:19.420 People can have their own opinions
00:21:21.100 But I don't want to go out looking too promiscuous
00:21:23.340 So if my man says
00:21:24.300 You know what?
00:21:24.940 I prefer you to not wear that
00:21:26.300 And then the woman goes 0.99
00:21:27.580 And says
00:21:27.900 You know what?
00:21:28.300 Actually, I want to wear this
00:21:29.260 For example
00:21:30.060 I might wear a top that shows a little bit of my boobs
00:21:32.620 And then my man's like
00:21:33.740 I don't want you to wear that
00:21:34.620 And I'm like
00:21:35.100 Actually, you know what?
00:21:36.140 Can I pull it up a little bit?
00:21:37.260 And then it's okay
00:21:37.980 And then if he's toxic
00:21:39.500 He'll start getting angry
00:21:40.860 Like, oh, you're undermining me
00:21:42.300 So on and so forth
00:21:43.260 And it will turn into a big argument
00:21:44.780 That it does not have to be
00:21:45.820 However, if he knows how to go about it
00:21:47.500 In the correct way
00:21:48.300 Then we might have a little conversation about it
00:21:49.980 And either we come to some sort of compromise
00:21:52.220 Or he knows how to deal with my emotions
00:21:54.060 As a man
00:21:54.780 Do you think that men want to have conversations about problems?
00:21:57.580 Or women want to have conversations about problems? 1.00
00:21:59.820 At the end of the day
00:22:00.860 Men and women are two very different creatures 1.00
00:22:02.700 There are similarities
00:22:03.580 Can you answer the question?
00:22:04.300 Yeah
00:22:04.860 Men or women? 0.78
00:22:05.820 Women 1.00
00:22:06.940 Both
00:22:07.900 Both
00:22:08.300 And both for different topics
00:22:10.060 Mostly it's women 1.00
00:22:10.940 Because we have a lot more emotional issues
00:22:12.620 But men don't have conversations 1.00
00:22:13.580 Don't you think you're asking him to emote like a woman? 0.99
00:22:16.220 Like
00:22:16.460 Because often when I hear this
00:22:17.660 This is just what I've noticed
00:22:18.780 Is when women say the word toxic masculinity 1.00
00:22:21.340 Masculinity
00:22:22.140 They're asking men to be women 1.00
00:22:23.740 No
00:22:24.540 It's the fact that in a relationship
00:22:26.060 You have to be able to compromise
00:22:27.340 Empathy is important
00:22:27.660 I have to be able to understand you
00:22:29.020 From your point of view of things
00:22:30.060 You have to be able to understand me too
00:22:31.660 If I need you to come down on a level
00:22:33.100 Where I'm able to actually tell you how I feel
00:22:35.180 And I want you to actually kind of understand
00:22:36.700 What I'm trying to tell you
00:22:37.820 Without fighting back
00:22:39.260 That's what I think she kind of means
00:22:40.540 Well I mean part of femininity is listening to your man
00:22:43.260 So is it toxically feminine if you're not listening? 0.88
00:22:45.660 No I think
00:22:46.460 Yes I think it is
00:22:47.420 Because at the same time like I just said
00:22:49.260 You need to be able to compromise
00:22:50.380 I need to be able to come to your level
00:22:51.900 You need to be able to come to mine 0.98
00:22:53.340 And that's how the relationship should work
00:22:55.020 You should be able to
00:22:55.740 If I want to sit down
00:22:56.860 And tell you I don't like this
00:22:58.140 You should be able to hear it
00:22:59.100 If you want to come and sit down
00:23:00.300 And tell me you don't like this
00:23:01.420 I should be able to hear it
00:23:02.380 End of
00:23:03.340 I think that men are okay with us coming to talk about problems
00:23:06.700 But it's the way we approach it
00:23:07.980 A lot of the time we approach it
00:23:09.020 By criticizing, blaming, shaming
00:23:11.740 Trying to control them
00:23:12.940 I think if we're able to remove all of that
00:23:14.860 And we're able to have conversations
00:23:16.220 As a kind of coming in a different angle
00:23:19.340 In a respectful way
00:23:21.340 Men are very happy to be having these conversations
00:23:24.140 In order to you know ensure that the relationship is on track
00:23:26.620 I'm just I'm just curious
00:23:29.260 I'm just gonna do a poll quick with the guys
00:23:32.140 Are you do you guys want to have a conversation with your woman 1.00
00:23:35.180 About what she wears every time you go out
00:23:37.020 No, no, okay
00:23:41.740 Not situations like that
00:23:43.100 Because I think that you should know yourself
00:23:44.780 What's appropriate and what's not appropriate
00:23:46.620 That's fine then
00:23:47.660 But the thing is
00:23:49.020 It's just a conversation at the end of the day
00:23:51.740 It's not anything more than that
00:23:53.340 Which is fine
00:23:53.980 But it's just going back to the toxic masculinity
00:23:56.700 It's like you're asking men to be women 0.99
00:23:59.100 When it happens every time
00:24:00.780 When you're asking men to emote like women 0.99
00:24:02.860 So to have a conversation
00:24:03.980 Like it's toxically masculine 0.76
00:24:05.180 If you don't want to have a conversation about something
00:24:07.260 But the thing is
00:24:08.460 They can have a conversation without crying
00:24:11.180 Without doing this
00:24:12.140 Just listen
00:24:13.100 Just listen to what I have to say
00:24:14.220 I'm not asking you to be a woman 1.00
00:24:15.980 I'm not asking you to have a period every month
00:24:18.140 No, I'm not
00:24:18.860 I'm saying when you say it's toxically masculine 0.90
00:24:21.100 For you not to want to have a conversation with me
00:24:23.260 It's like when they say something
00:24:24.620 And they want to say that's the end of conversation
00:24:27.260 You get it
00:24:28.140 This guy can come to you and say
00:24:29.420 I don't know for example
00:24:30.860 Like going back to the clothes thing
00:24:32.380 I don't like what you're wearing
00:24:33.420 I can try to tell you like oh but
00:24:35.500 But no, that's it
00:24:36.460 He's not even trying to hear your side of the story 0.87
00:24:38.140 And that's toxically masculine 0.99
00:24:39.500 I think so 0.96
00:24:40.300 Because it's like you're toxically
00:24:42.220 If that's a word
00:24:43.740 Like establishing your dominance
00:24:45.260 In a way where you're not even trying to let me talk
00:24:46.940 You're trying to do this
00:24:47.660 Oh like just be quiet
00:24:48.540 I'm your man kind of thing
00:24:49.500 I think that's what toxic masculinity is
00:24:51.740 I think that's just masculinity
00:24:52.940 I think like women just don't like being told no 0.98
00:24:55.020 No
00:24:55.420 Nah, because I feel like you can be masculine
00:24:57.580 Like she said before
00:24:58.380 And come in a correct way
00:24:59.580 Like you can tell me babe
00:25:00.540 Like I'm not going to lie to you
00:25:01.980 I don't like the way you're wearing this
00:25:03.340 I feel like this
00:25:04.860 Like at least hear
00:25:06.380 Sorry, at least hear me out from my side
00:25:08.380 Right, but that's how women would communicate 1.00
00:25:11.100 I think that's how two adults should communicate
00:25:13.500 Exactly
00:25:13.740 No, but that's because you're trying to make men communicate like women 0.99
00:25:16.860 Like have you ever been in a men's locker room
00:25:18.700 And listened to how they talk to each other
00:25:20.620 And you're like oh, I can't believe they're like
00:25:23.020 I used to work at a plumbing tech company 0.98
00:25:24.700 And they would just roast the shit out of each other 0.99
00:25:26.300 And I could not believe they talk to each other like that 0.98
00:25:29.340 But saying oh
00:25:31.340 Like let's communicate
00:25:32.540 But they need to remember we are women
00:25:34.700 And we our feelings do get hurt very quick
00:25:37.500 Oh
00:25:37.900 So just be aware
00:25:39.020 So you wouldn't talk to you
00:25:40.300 Not referring to women as children
00:25:42.060 This is just an example
00:25:43.820 You would talk to a child a certain way
00:25:45.340 Because you know it's a kid
00:25:46.860 You would talk to like a bunch of boys a certain way
00:25:49.740 Because you know you're in a group of a bunch of boys
00:25:51.900 Just be aware of who you're talking to
00:25:53.820 That's it
00:25:54.380 And and I agree with you I think men 0.74
00:25:56.220 I think men know that
00:25:57.660 They know they can't communicate to us the same way to communicate to other men 0.72
00:26:00.700 I'm saying it's not toxically masculine if a guy just says no under conversation
00:26:04.060 I think it is because
00:26:05.900 Like it's I think just give your reason
00:26:08.460 Just give your reason because that's just what we want
00:26:10.940 Give your reason babe 1.00
00:26:12.540 Why you don't want me to
00:26:14.060 Him okay this this and this
00:26:15.820 Okay, yeah, I understand you. I'll take it off
00:26:17.500 Do you do you think most women that's their answer? 1.00
00:26:19.740 And when he says when you give them a reason he gives you a reason that they're like, oh, okay
00:26:25.100 No, no
00:26:26.060 Obviously, no it will go into a conversation
00:26:28.060 I feel like the clothing
00:26:30.860 Example has messed things up. Let me give you another one
00:26:32.860 Okay, so
00:26:33.580 Say for example cool. I live with my boyfriend
00:26:36.380 Whatever like I'm the one who will
00:26:39.180 Who be cooking that night say for example, I say babe
00:26:42.140 I'm thinking about making a b c d for dinner and he goes no
00:26:45.820 You're not doing that
00:26:46.860 I feel like why is it that you have the right to tell us what we're eating?
00:26:50.940 I'm the one that's doing the cooking
00:26:51.980 Because he doesn't want to know
00:26:53.180 Sorry, I'm so sorry, but I've been itching
00:26:54.860 I just didn't want to interrupt anybody
00:26:56.300 It's because he doesn't want to know and know the ins and outs in my opinion
00:26:59.660 He doesn't want to know the ins and outs and what you've decided just cook the food men don't want to have to have a conversation
00:27:04.380 I like to add I think men operate from a place of like solution if there's a problem
00:27:08.860 What is the solution? How do we fix this?
00:27:10.620 It's very black and white it's women that want to have the conversation 1.00
00:27:13.580 So instead of the I'm cooking tonight. Oh babe, this is what I'm going to cook. He doesn't care
00:27:18.060 Just cook the food
00:27:19.020 So what if I've already
00:27:19.980 So what if I can decide babe without the first of my chicken this guy tells me he wants fish are my chickens therefore
00:27:24.780 No, I can't see him doing that though
00:27:26.220 I think he'd be grateful for everything but that's why it's toxic masculinity because not everybody does it
00:27:30.620 But I don't think that's toxic
00:27:32.140 Toxic trait. I think that's controlling and narcissistic
00:27:34.460 That's not toxic masculinity. What's controlling and narcissistic?
00:27:38.300 Could you re-explain that? I just didn't understand what you're saying
00:27:40.620 No, what I was basically trying to say is like
00:27:43.180 What I was saying is that's the toxic side of the whole toxic masculinity thing is when he wants to
00:27:48.380 Apply himself in a way, but he's not trying to hear anything else
00:27:52.300 That's basically what I was trying to get across
00:27:53.100 Just trying to be cruel. I mean, it just sounds cruel like someone you say you're going to make something
00:27:56.940 That's not me. This is an example. Don't worry
00:27:59.500 I don't understand the situation
00:28:01.500 Oh, you mean he's undermining you?
00:28:03.100 How is he?
00:28:03.580 Yeah, that's what I kind of mean like that's what I take from that from toxic masculinity
00:28:07.260 So you offer something and he tells you no
00:28:10.300 Like you send the food away because I've heard situations like that right where
00:28:14.780 What if it was bad?
00:28:15.660 Put it in the bin
00:28:16.460 As many of you know, I was just banned on tick tock and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform
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