Modern Women Claim To Be INDEPENDENT
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
211.01875
Summary
In this episode, we talk about birth control and the impact it can have on a relationship. We also discuss the importance of money in relationships and how important it is to have a partner who can provide for you and your family.
Transcript
00:00:00.000
I'm curious, how important is money to you guys in a relationship, a man's money?
00:00:04.540
I don't think money's necessarily, it's like drive and ambition is sexy.
00:00:07.640
So you can be a gardener, but if you want to be the best gardener, and that's like the drive and ambition.
00:00:13.640
So he's making £25,000 a year as a gardener, you don't care?
00:00:22.380
I've got like a deeply personal story to talk about with regard to the birth control thing.
00:00:30.000
My ex-husband, this happened to him, what happened to, that we've been talking about.
00:00:35.060
He met a person after we split up, she got herself pregnant, he now has a baby that he didn't want.
00:00:44.380
So I've got two daughters, they now have a brother that they don't know about.
00:00:48.340
So it's not just about those two people and that baby, there are ripple effects.
00:00:53.360
So I think my view is that men should have a choice.
00:01:00.000
So they get, they can, not the way we can be in the world, but then you can't, so you
00:01:05.060
can, the baby, if she wants to have the baby, that's her choice.
00:01:08.940
Meet the baby, then decide if you want to be in the baby's life.
00:01:14.260
Currently, not, sorry, that's probably not the right sound to make.
00:01:25.320
But obviously it's, yeah, it's got a ripple effect onto everyone.
00:01:32.840
Did that happen like while you guys were together?
00:01:38.300
Would you ever think about getting back with him?
00:01:42.720
There was reasons why it ended in the first place, but yeah, I mean, that's definitely a,
00:01:49.240
But yeah, so I do think men should get the choice because I think if he had the choice,
00:02:00.920
That's really bad terminology, but no, I think she's told him that she couldn't get pregnant,
00:02:11.880
I think she said it wasn't her time in the month to get pregnant, like the three day thing
00:02:14.660
that you're saying from the narrative that I've been told.
00:02:20.720
He should, if you definitely don't know you don't want to have a baby and you definitely
00:02:28.240
You know, when you say it happened just after like you split, do you, do you have any feeling
00:02:33.720
that it could have been happening just before that happened?
00:02:38.300
The timeframes are all, I'm told what I'm told.
00:02:52.260
I think it's important, but I don't know if I'm just saying that because like I'm younger
00:02:55.320
than everyone, like me personally, like I feel like at this age that I want to go out,
00:03:02.040
But like, if I'm going to be in a relationship, then I feel like I want to be with somebody who
00:03:06.120
can live that life with me, like go on holidays and stuff like that.
00:03:09.440
Obviously when I'm older, you know, you want to be focusing on like investments and stuff.
00:03:15.280
You want to have a house, you want to have a car and stuff.
00:03:17.260
You want to be able to support yourself financially.
00:03:21.000
But I just feel like when you're my age, like I want to go on holiday.
00:03:26.440
I want to, you know, buy all the expensive stuff, go shopping.
00:03:29.780
Cause I don't have any real responsibilities right now.
00:03:33.540
But yeah, for me, like if I'm going to be dating at this age, I want someone who can spend on me.
00:03:38.960
Do you, do you expect him to cover all the bills when you go out?
00:03:45.120
How, how often do you need to be taken out in a week?
00:03:47.720
Like, I don't mind like going out like once a week.
00:03:51.860
If we go out once a week, yeah, you want to take me out.
00:04:07.720
But like, if the dinner's like, we're going out to like an expensive place.
00:04:13.300
But if it's like his birthday or something, I'll pay.
00:04:24.420
But if we're going to go out and like get something, even if it's basic, like a McDonald's
00:04:29.720
And if you lived with him, would you expect him to pay 100% of the bills?
00:04:36.300
Like maybe like, yeah, maybe like 80-20 or like 70-30.
00:04:45.800
Do you know how much he would need to make to do that?
00:04:52.240
Like, if you're making like a lot of money, then I feel like it goes up.
00:04:57.560
Like, if you're making a lot of money, say I'm not making as much as you just yet, then
00:05:01.420
you want to live together, then maybe it's going to be like more.
00:05:07.440
Like, if we're living together and you're making more money than me at this age, like
00:05:12.420
say I'm still in uni, I'm not like actually working yet, but you want to live with me,
00:05:16.880
then I feel like the bills have to be more on your side.
00:05:19.920
Like, you have to support me until I'm on my own feet.
00:05:21.900
But if you were making more money, then you'd contribute.
00:05:23.640
So after you graduated university, you'd be like 50-50, sign me up.
00:05:29.440
If we're making around the same amount, we're both working and getting good pay, then 50-50
00:05:38.200
Because I'm like, I'm not like super tall, but I'm a tall girl.
00:05:44.720
I don't want to be with no one who's like short of me.
00:05:55.940
Okay, so what if he's, so how old are you again?
00:05:59.680
Okay, so if he's, let's say 25, is that an okay age or is that too old?
00:06:21.320
If he works at Tesco, but he has ideas of going somewhere else, then that's fair.
00:06:26.080
But if you're working at Tesco, then Tesco's the only place you have your mind set.
00:06:30.180
Like, this is the only way I'm going to get money, cool, I'm just going to stay here.
00:06:34.640
Okay, so is there a dollar amount that he has to be at?
00:06:38.720
I'm just trying to paint, so he's a 6 foot guy.
00:06:46.760
Like, as long as we can be financially stable, do you know what I mean?
00:06:50.200
Like, if we're cool, we can afford to, like, do the grocery shopping and stuff like that.
00:06:54.200
Like, all the luxury stuff, like, it comes as a bonus.
00:07:00.240
So, at this age, it sounds like looks are more important to you than money.
00:07:05.000
Because the height thing seemed more important.
00:07:06.880
You seem more fussed about the height than the money.
00:07:08.900
Yeah, like, I feel like for me personally, like, if I'm in a relationship with someone
00:07:13.320
right now, like, if we go out, I can pay for them.
00:07:17.200
Like, I can treat them how I want them to treat me.
00:07:20.840
But I feel like as well, if you're going to be in a relationship with someone, you have
00:07:26.920
And I feel like, obviously, everyone's on this, oh, love is blind, blah, blah, blah.
00:07:30.300
But, like, for me, like, I'm not going to be with someone who I'm not attracted to.
00:07:41.640
I look at him, and I'm not actually attracted to him, but he's rich.
00:07:44.560
So, girl, I'm telling you, money gives girls glasses.
00:07:51.340
Okay, so you seem like you cared also more about looks or money?
00:07:58.140
Just because you said you didn't care about money earlier, I'm assuming you care more about
00:08:02.560
I think it's, like, looks and being attracted to someone can be quite different.
00:08:06.980
You can be attracted to someone by someone's aura and how they move and stuff like that.
00:08:10.240
I think you can, looks fade, and it's just the way someone holds themselves, their presence
00:08:17.080
You could, like, look at them and not necessarily think they're attractive, and in five minutes
00:08:24.820
Okay, so looks is more important than money, or money is more important than looks?
00:08:29.140
No, I think, like, presence and vibe is more important than either of them.
00:08:42.540
Well, I'm 5'5", so, do you know what it is, yeah?
00:08:45.240
I've actually dated a couple short guys, so I can't even talk too tough, I can't lie.
00:08:48.840
But, I'd say, like, obviously, I'd want him to be either my height or just a little bit
00:08:53.860
To be honest, I don't really want a tall, tall guy, because, like, if he's moving a bit
00:08:57.400
mad, I need to be able to bad him up just a little bit, do you know what I mean?
00:09:07.760
So, if he's moving a bit mad, you need to, like, humble him?
00:09:16.900
He's 5'7", he's feeling himself, what are you doing?
00:09:21.340
What do you mean, feeling himself, like he's being rude?
00:09:23.520
I guess, I don't know, whatever, you're just, can you give me a situation?
00:09:27.520
I'm going to cuss him or something, do you know what I mean?
00:09:29.000
But I'm saying, if I had a 6'5 guy, right, or 5'7", like I said, that's quite tall, actually,
00:09:36.540
And then he's, like, he's, I don't know, say I caught him, I don't know, cheating, or
00:09:39.780
just something mad, or, like, he's just, he's sexting women.
00:09:50.860
Yeah, I've just got, I watched Tyler Perry, yeah, one of their Madea movies, and it's
00:09:55.060
stuck with me since, and I took it, I said, God bless me with this, because, basically,
00:09:59.780
he was cheating, and, like, she had kids with him and stuff, do you know what she done?
00:10:03.600
She put on lingerie, he came up from his business trip, weren't no business trip, right, he
00:10:07.980
was with another woman, but she thought he didn't know.
00:10:11.120
And then, she, like, basically, said, like, she got the shower running for him and everything,
00:10:15.460
she took everything out of the bathroom, she put baby oil on the floor, so he would slip
00:10:19.180
and slide, and then she just, like, whipped him with his belt.
00:10:22.620
I said, yeah, I'm taking that one for the books.
00:10:24.880
Okay, so if he's 5'7", you're going to, oh, I don't need to do that.
00:10:28.460
You're going to, so if you catch him cheating, you're going to essentially abuse him.
00:10:33.240
Imagine if a woman did that, or a man did that to a woman.
00:10:37.340
I wouldn't say I'm going to abuse him, I'm just giving you an analogy, obviously, I need
00:10:39.860
to be able to kind of just put a little bit of fear, like, bro, this is just major disrespect.
00:10:44.300
You think, okay, you think a guy who most men can beat you up easily.
00:10:56.060
Okay, okay, so, but if he's 6'0", what's the difference?
00:11:02.420
I don't know, he's just mad to, like, yeah, he could just literally just pick me up on my neck, like, just whoop.
00:11:08.500
Okay, so, all right, so, so you need to date the guy that's 5'7", so you can potentially, if he cheats on you,
00:11:15.660
hurt him in the shower by making him slip on baby oil.
00:11:19.560
No, no, no, that's not the concept, but what I'm trying to say is, is that I feel more comfortable.
00:11:22.920
I know, you're just trying to say back what I thought you said.
00:11:27.060
I'm just trying to give out that, basically, I just prefer not-so-tall men, because I find them sometimes intimidating.
00:11:36.420
Yeah, and I feel like sometimes, not saying a short man can't also be intimidating, or he can't have, like, mannerisms that make you feel intimidated,
00:11:43.540
but I'm just saying, off of looks, like you say, like, what you're attracted to and stuff like that,
00:11:48.660
that just kind of put me off if someone's, like, really tall for me.
00:11:53.700
No, not a man I can dominate, but I'd want a man that I feel like isn't going to give me a reason to want to dominate.
00:12:04.540
Do you think that a guy gets a little bit more freedom when he's taller?
00:12:25.420
I'm just going to have a little talk, pack my stuff, and I'm gone.
00:12:28.260
So, it sounds like, would money be more important than looks to you?
00:12:33.220
I'd say money in a sense of ambition, because after ambition, the money will follow.
00:12:42.480
So, I'm not going to go with the currency of money.
00:12:44.360
I'm going to go with the currency of ambition is a lot more important to me than the currency
00:13:02.920
But, but, but, but, and maybe, maybe you're a little older at this point.
00:13:09.400
But, he's got ambition, but he's 45, and he's ambitious.
00:13:14.060
I mean, he's only, he's had 25 years to be ambitious, you know?
00:13:28.580
But, it's not from the, I'd say, like, from a, a bad perspective.
00:13:36.140
I mean, I think most of you, if you had daughters, would not want them to date completely broke
00:13:52.880
She's like, she's like, you don't have to go through this.
00:13:57.520
So, if you can't match me or hire, no, because I've been there, done that, you know, supported
00:14:03.620
my boyfriends when, you know, they had little struggles.
00:14:16.220
Would you date a guy you weren't that attracted to, but he was more financially stable?
00:14:29.200
But if you have your own money, what does it matter if he has money?
00:14:31.900
Because I don't want to be dipping in mine to give him.
00:14:35.660
But he has to dip in his to give you when he takes you out on dates.
00:14:39.500
You know, like, I'm not saying, oh, to be with me, you have to have money and pay all
00:14:45.120
I'm just saying that you need to have yours and I need to have mine and then we'll be
00:14:49.640
So, it's not anything where I'm supporting you as a man.
00:14:53.920
You know, I have to look at the examples that my father has.
00:15:01.660
I'm curious, and you don't have to answer this if you don't want to, do you make more
00:15:09.560
The acting's not working just yet, but give me the rest of 2023.
00:15:15.080
But I'm the sort of person, I'm financially stable.
00:15:18.900
You know, I have, like, money put to buy a house.
00:15:22.200
So, for me, I can go months without working and I'll be fine.
00:15:25.420
So, if I'm that sort of woman, then my partner needs to have some sort of stability or else
00:15:32.240
I'm, all the things that I've worked hard for, I'm now pouring into him.
00:15:37.820
And when you're in a relationship, you pour into your partner, but it has to be to a certain
00:15:42.580
extent, you know, I, you need to match me or else then there's issues financially.
00:15:47.940
If, if the woman's, you know, for me supporting the man constantly and I'm not getting any kind
00:15:53.760
of, like, what, what do I respect out of you as a man, if, if you're not even financially
00:16:05.080
Um, I wouldn't say you need to at least from, I don't look at it as yearly figures or at
00:16:12.260
least probably income of two and a half, three grand a month at least, at least because rent
00:16:18.820
is probably a grand, you know, your, um, utility bills, your, you know, all that stuff probably
00:16:50.160
Because it's easy for me to make four grand a month.