JustPearlyThings - July 13, 2023


Modern Women Don't Take Responsibility For Their ACTIONS


Episode Stats

Length

51 minutes

Words per Minute

211.54858

Word Count

10,848

Sentence Count

582

Misogynist Sentences

54

Hate Speech Sentences

27


Summary


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Coming up next.
00:00:00.940 I think a lot of people can, like, base their, like, toxicity
00:00:05.480 off, like, a bad upbringing and stuff, but do you know what?
00:00:08.460 You get to a certain age where you need to be held accountable
00:00:10.760 for, like, your behaviours and stuff.
00:00:12.700 Not necessarily.
00:00:13.320 And you can't blame it.
00:00:14.260 You can't blame it on your childhood and stuff
00:00:16.720 because at the end of the day, like, you can see someone
00:00:18.820 who's got, like, grown up with, like, alcoholic parents.
00:00:21.640 I actually saw a post and it was, like, twins
00:00:24.560 and they grew up in a household with, like, two alcoholic parents.
00:00:27.900 And one of them became a complete alcoholic,
00:00:31.080 just like his parents, and the other one fixed his whole life,
00:00:33.120 had a successful business and stuff.
00:00:34.640 The same way we don't have the same body
00:00:36.040 is the same way we don't have the same mindset.
00:00:37.920 No, 100%.
00:00:38.640 A mindset is something that you learn, like, over time.
00:00:40.820 Yeah.
00:00:41.360 And everyone's way of learning is different.
00:00:42.900 Like, the same way school isn't for everyone
00:00:44.480 is the same way the way you take education differently.
00:00:46.700 Yeah.
00:00:47.060 Yeah.
00:00:47.560 So you can't be a female person when they don't change their lives.
00:00:50.480 But at the same time, like, you can't sit there
00:00:53.880 and blame everything else for the way your life's turned out
00:00:56.700 because everyone has a sob story.
00:00:59.580 Like, everyone goes through shit, yeah.
00:01:01.180 But it just needs one person.
00:01:02.260 It's about how you deal with it.
00:01:04.680 You know, if you don't want to be in that situation,
00:01:06.480 then you work towards getting yourself out of that situation.
00:01:09.060 You know, if you sit there and you sulk
00:01:10.360 and you're like, oh, I'm in this situation
00:01:11.540 and you don't make no change, like,
00:01:13.860 how do you expect to grow?
00:01:15.220 How do you expect yourself to change?
00:01:16.360 You are who you say you are.
00:01:16.860 Yeah, exactly.
00:01:17.380 You have to become the change
00:01:19.380 and take actions toward that change.
00:01:21.540 Today, guys, we are talking about toxic exes.
00:01:24.440 Now, this is a young panel,
00:01:27.100 so I'm hoping this topic still works.
00:01:31.400 So question, what is your definition of a toxic ex?
00:01:35.720 Someone that feels entitled to making decisions for you.
00:01:41.600 I feel like.
00:01:42.580 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:01:43.120 That's a toxic ex.
00:01:44.520 Someone that feels entitled to your life, to your lifestyle.
00:01:49.180 But that also determines on whether you give them that entitlement,
00:01:51.820 whether you give them that.
00:01:53.060 But do you not like it when a guy has a bit of, like, control?
00:01:55.600 Like, with me, even though I have a lot of control in my career
00:01:59.100 and in my life, but I like to feel, you know, petite and cute.
00:02:02.840 So I like when a man is like, oh, John Turner says,
00:02:04.960 like, give it to me.
00:02:05.780 I like to have, like, a bit of control in that.
00:02:09.140 Oh, where are you?
00:02:10.280 Yeah.
00:02:10.520 John Turner says, I want to know you care about me.
00:02:12.020 Because also, like, the whole controlling thing
00:02:13.720 shows you that he cares as well.
00:02:15.400 I think that's important in any relationship.
00:02:17.020 Okay.
00:02:17.780 This is confusing.
00:02:18.640 You're nodding.
00:02:19.940 And she says this.
00:02:20.760 But she's saying the opposite of what you said.
00:02:24.040 No, because you know why.
00:02:25.020 No, no, no.
00:02:25.400 She's taking an account.
00:02:26.500 She's taking an account.
00:02:27.680 I agree because of the context that she means it in.
00:02:31.200 She doesn't mean, like, toxic or, like, in an angry way,
00:02:34.360 in a controlling way, as in,
00:02:36.880 I would want you to show me that you care.
00:02:40.300 I get that.
00:02:40.900 I like that.
00:02:41.460 I'm not going to lie.
00:02:41.960 But I think she means it in an extreme way.
00:02:42.760 I can't lie.
00:02:43.680 No, no, no.
00:02:44.220 I can't lie.
00:02:45.020 So show me that you want me.
00:02:46.620 Chase me.
00:02:47.620 Okay.
00:02:48.040 Okay.
00:02:48.340 So show me that you want me.
00:02:49.720 You don't want him to feel entitled to making decisions.
00:02:52.480 Yes.
00:02:52.920 But you want him to chase you.
00:02:54.920 Okay.
00:02:55.640 I'm just wearing this down.
00:02:56.840 Yes.
00:02:57.300 That's why I want to talk to you.
00:02:58.960 I do think that there's a huge difference between controlling
00:03:02.020 and a bit of dominance.
00:03:03.660 And I think that as a woman, I think in a relationship,
00:03:06.340 you're like a man that has a little bit of dominance.
00:03:08.080 I think controlling and like constantly checking where you are.
00:03:11.480 I feel like it's a bit too much.
00:03:13.280 In my opinion, anyway,
00:03:14.160 I feel like there should be a level of trust in a relationship.
00:03:16.500 Word.
00:03:16.960 If you're chasing, constantly asking where someone is.
00:03:18.780 But no, when I say where are you,
00:03:20.680 it's more of like, oh, are you safe?
00:03:21.860 Are you at home yet?
00:03:22.700 Okay.
00:03:23.140 Yeah.
00:03:23.260 So that's different.
00:03:24.420 Yeah.
00:03:25.220 Okay.
00:03:25.560 What's the difference between controlling and dominance?
00:03:27.980 I think a dominant man is someone that can like make decisions.
00:03:31.340 Like say, for example, like we're going on a date.
00:03:34.620 Okay.
00:03:35.000 I'm picking you up at eight.
00:03:36.440 I'm taking you somewhere.
00:03:37.200 Like that's kind of like dominance or like,
00:03:38.960 did you get home safe or, you know,
00:03:40.600 checking up on you and making sure you're good.
00:03:42.380 But like, instead of being like, where are you?
00:03:44.340 What are you doing?
00:03:44.940 Who are you with?
00:03:45.440 Show me who you're with.
00:03:46.580 Okay.
00:03:46.980 You can't wear that outfit.
00:03:49.000 Like that is very toxic.
00:03:50.380 So you want them to be able to make the decisions,
00:03:52.860 but not the decision of what to wear.
00:03:56.200 Okay.
00:03:57.780 Do you know what?
00:03:58.700 That is attractive though.
00:04:00.080 When a man goes,
00:04:01.080 when a man goes,
00:04:02.460 oh babe,
00:04:03.040 I want you to wear that sexy outfit.
00:04:04.540 You'll look good in that.
00:04:05.460 Okay.
00:04:05.620 That's cute.
00:04:06.340 That's cute.
00:04:06.820 That means he trusts you though.
00:04:08.300 Don't you think there's a level of trust?
00:04:09.720 Yeah.
00:04:11.000 What you're saying is manipulation,
00:04:13.000 not,
00:04:13.420 I don't think you guys are really answering the question
00:04:15.500 by what she said,
00:04:16.540 what is a toxic relationship.
00:04:18.380 You guys are just saying the guys being controlled
00:04:20.460 and manipulative.
00:04:21.660 I feel like those are two different things.
00:04:23.140 A hundred percent.
00:04:23.980 Yeah,
00:04:24.220 I agree with that.
00:04:25.420 Okay.
00:04:25.680 What do you think?
00:04:26.240 I feel like a toxic relationship is when two people
00:04:29.200 are going at each other,
00:04:30.640 but in a way where you know that what one person saying
00:04:34.040 is not good and what another person saying is not good,
00:04:35.780 but it's like in your head it's good to them,
00:04:39.420 but in their head it's not good.
00:04:40.880 So it's like you guys are fighting and banning like,
00:04:42.780 okay,
00:04:43.120 what's that?
00:04:43.880 It's like,
00:04:44.700 do you get what I'm trying to say?
00:04:45.460 Yeah,
00:04:45.480 you're clashing with each other.
00:04:46.540 You might love each other to pieces,
00:04:47.880 but if it doesn't work and you have that clash all the time,
00:04:50.940 then it's going to be consistently toxic.
00:04:52.780 That's what makes it toxic.
00:04:54.100 So extreme fighting?
00:04:55.660 Yeah.
00:04:56.020 Okay.
00:04:56.780 Knowing that it's not good,
00:04:58.360 but you're still doing it and you're still together.
00:05:00.780 Yeah.
00:05:01.000 So knowing it's not good,
00:05:03.160 but staying together.
00:05:04.160 Yeah.
00:05:04.420 What about rough patches in marriages?
00:05:06.660 I think rough patches in marriages.
00:05:10.600 I mean,
00:05:11.180 because don't you argue all the time during a rough patch in a marriage?
00:05:13.840 You wouldn't think.
00:05:14.160 I agree.
00:05:14.880 But what I would say is if you're married to someone,
00:05:17.620 it's a lifelong commitment.
00:05:19.180 And I think those are things that you should be able to work through by communication.
00:05:22.500 Like there's even like couples therapy,
00:05:25.760 even like if you need to do it,
00:05:27.440 if you're willing to like work through that,
00:05:29.520 then you can get through it.
00:05:30.680 But yeah,
00:05:32.220 everyone argues.
00:05:33.540 Yeah.
00:05:34.300 It's just,
00:05:34.960 it's very broad.
00:05:35.740 Everything you guys are saying,
00:05:36.740 I'm just trying to lock you down onto one thing.
00:05:40.700 Go ahead.
00:05:41.400 I feel like it depends on what the topic of conversation is and what you guys are arguing about.
00:05:46.140 That then depends if it's toxic or thing where I'm correcting you and what you're doing is wrong.
00:05:51.020 Yeah.
00:05:51.700 Wait,
00:05:51.960 say that again.
00:05:52.500 Sorry.
00:05:53.060 That all depends on what you guys are arguing about for you to know whether it is toxic
00:05:58.640 or thing where you're just correcting the person.
00:06:01.520 Because,
00:06:01.800 yeah.
00:06:02.960 So what would be an example of something that's toxic and something that's not?
00:06:07.860 I've got one.
00:06:08.580 I've got such a good one.
00:06:10.900 I've got such a good one.
00:06:12.160 God, it's free.
00:06:12.860 Take deep breaths.
00:06:15.580 Liking other girls' pictures on Instagram,
00:06:18.300 following bare girls,
00:06:19.580 that is toxic in itself.
00:06:21.140 I'm sorry.
00:06:21.460 Don't you think it's toxic to be constantly looking who he's following and who he's liking?
00:06:28.920 That's why I say it takes two to tango.
00:06:30.640 Yeah, but at the end of the day,
00:06:32.600 if you really like one person and you like the person you're with,
00:06:36.400 why do you need to seek elsewhere?
00:06:37.820 Why do you need to have temptation?
00:06:38.880 Yeah, but why do you got to get upset over an Instagram?
00:06:41.920 Because you're double tapping it because you clearly like what you're seeing.
00:06:46.340 If you like what you're seeing,
00:06:47.720 go with them then.
00:06:48.520 Don't waste my time.
00:06:49.620 You don't think you're looking for drama in a way?
00:06:52.060 No, I'm trying to see if I can trust him.
00:06:53.840 I'm trying to see if I can trust him.
00:06:55.760 You're doing it for trust.
00:06:56.600 I'm not just me.
00:06:57.140 But shouldn't you go into relationships in good faith?
00:07:00.880 No, no, no.
00:07:01.940 Everything she's saying is right.
00:07:03.220 The reason why I'm saying everything she's saying is right.
00:07:04.960 Because as you know,
00:07:06.000 we are Gen Z.
00:07:07.100 The way things were back then is totally different.
00:07:09.320 You guys didn't have social media.
00:07:10.500 You guys didn't have phones.
00:07:11.480 You guys are all about trust.
00:07:12.660 Fake marriage.
00:07:12.700 I mean, you guys.
00:07:13.860 I mean, the people who never had phones.
00:07:15.420 I had a phone.
00:07:16.120 So you guys didn't have phones.
00:07:20.820 So when you guys see people on the street
00:07:22.020 and you're like,
00:07:22.600 you'll go to them,
00:07:23.860 you'll chirps them, right?
00:07:25.380 But now,
00:07:26.500 chirpsing is double tapping.
00:07:28.660 Because it says a lot about a man's sexual discipline as well.
00:07:31.240 What about when girls post selfies
00:07:34.920 while in a relationship?
00:07:35.720 Yeah, it's the same thing.
00:07:37.420 Chapsing is double tapping
00:07:38.560 and liking a girl's picture.
00:07:39.640 That's showing that, yes,
00:07:40.300 you're attracted to them.
00:07:41.720 And when they say slid in your DMs.
00:07:42.800 So would you say a toxic girl
00:07:44.500 posts selfies?
00:07:45.360 And while she's in a relationship?
00:07:47.940 If her intention
00:07:48.920 Sorry.
00:07:49.700 If her intention is to get a reaction out of that
00:07:52.220 from a certain audience,
00:07:53.720 then yes.
00:07:54.380 But what if his intention
00:07:55.320 was just to like the picture?
00:07:56.740 Why would you just like a...
00:07:58.960 And if anything,
00:07:59.780 let's have an open conversation about it.
00:08:01.080 Yeah, you know what?
00:08:01.860 Yeah, because I don't like a single guy's picture.
00:08:04.420 You know what I mean?
00:08:05.240 Because why would I give them the satisfaction
00:08:07.260 of seeing me in their notifications?
00:08:10.560 No, thank you.
00:08:11.000 I mean, to be honest,
00:08:11.940 I don't really think that
00:08:13.180 liking a girl's Instagram picture
00:08:14.400 is that deep.
00:08:15.160 I think obviously
00:08:15.840 if they go ahead
00:08:16.660 and DM them
00:08:17.480 and message them
00:08:18.180 because you can appreciate
00:08:19.400 someone's beauty
00:08:20.100 but without...
00:08:20.520 But you're putting the girl.
00:08:21.940 But you can just go through your feet
00:08:23.080 and appreciate someone's beauty.
00:08:24.940 Couldn't you say the same thing
00:08:26.900 about women
00:08:27.300 that post suggestive
00:08:28.360 Instagram pictures
00:08:29.260 while in a relationship
00:08:30.160 that they're looking for attention?
00:08:32.200 Even if it's just a selfie,
00:08:33.260 you know that men are going to...
00:08:34.080 You know how men are.
00:08:34.960 You know how they're going to look.
00:08:35.400 What if they're in an open relationship?
00:08:36.860 We're not talking about open relationships.
00:08:39.360 If she's looking at who he's following...
00:08:41.100 That is two complete different topics, yeah?
00:08:43.720 A girl posting pictures of...
00:08:45.860 It's about female empowerment
00:08:47.760 at the end of the day.
00:08:48.660 Look, we've got all female empowerment.
00:08:50.180 Female empowerment.
00:08:50.960 It really just sounds like
00:08:52.940 you want to do whatever you want
00:08:54.540 but he can't do whatever he wants.
00:08:56.180 Yeah.
00:08:56.660 Oh, excuse me!
00:08:57.920 Because at the end of the day,
00:08:59.200 if you're in a relationship with a man,
00:09:00.780 there should be a level of trust there.
00:09:02.120 So you just...
00:09:02.740 You know that already.
00:09:03.580 If he's liking another Instagram post,
00:09:05.440 it's never that deep
00:09:06.360 because he's not going to speak to that girl.
00:09:07.120 It's because the trust isn't there.
00:09:08.260 It's because the trust isn't there.
00:09:09.320 But you shouldn't be in a relationship
00:09:10.280 with someone you don't trust.
00:09:11.200 The trust should be there
00:09:12.120 before you get into something serious with them.
00:09:13.080 But what do we think about that happening
00:09:14.560 during a dating,
00:09:16.120 like when you're dating,
00:09:16.920 like the dating base?
00:09:17.940 Is that still allowed then?
00:09:18.880 I mean, shouldn't you go into a relationship
00:09:21.140 in good faith?
00:09:22.240 Like assuming the best?
00:09:22.940 No, but let's say you're just dating.
00:09:24.600 You're not in a relationship
00:09:25.540 but you're about to get into the relationship
00:09:27.080 but then you...
00:09:28.820 You know what I mean?
00:09:30.480 I kind of think you're overthinking it
00:09:31.820 way too much.
00:09:33.060 Yeah, I think...
00:09:33.940 I mean, if you guys are together
00:09:35.040 and it's something serious
00:09:36.140 and then he starts to go
00:09:37.380 and follow loads of girls
00:09:38.140 and then he's moving like that,
00:09:39.280 that's a bit different.
00:09:40.320 That's different.
00:09:40.840 That's a bit different.
00:09:41.640 I'm talking in a dating phase
00:09:43.000 where you're getting to know each other
00:09:44.280 and he's still lacking
00:09:45.020 other girls' pictures.
00:09:45.540 Well, you're both single
00:09:46.260 so you have the rights
00:09:47.420 to do whatever you want, I think.
00:09:49.460 Unless it becomes something serious.
00:09:51.420 If you're single,
00:09:52.020 you're going to chat to whoever
00:09:52.960 and they're going to chat to whoever
00:09:54.240 and then if you decide
00:09:55.560 that it's something
00:09:56.100 that is worth trying for,
00:09:57.800 then you guys cut off your links
00:09:59.700 or you do whatever.
00:10:00.900 Do you know what I mean?
00:10:02.620 No, that's fair
00:10:03.520 because a relationship
00:10:04.280 is more based on trust, right?
00:10:06.640 Yeah.
00:10:07.060 And then dating is more fair.
00:10:09.120 I don't even know, man.
00:10:10.060 It's why I'm so single.
00:10:12.080 I can't lie, yeah.
00:10:12.760 Men are just...
00:10:14.160 I honestly think you're overthinking it.
00:10:15.080 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:10:17.540 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:10:18.540 Men are what?
00:10:19.920 Men are just telling you,
00:10:22.360 some of you just need a pattern up.
00:10:24.720 Yeah, a lot of you just don't.
00:10:26.240 Who do you think is more promiscuous,
00:10:27.700 men or women?
00:10:28.900 Hmm.
00:10:31.040 That's a question for me.
00:10:31.880 I feel like they're both promiscuous
00:10:33.740 in different ways, I feel like.
00:10:35.920 Females, I feel like,
00:10:37.140 you know what?
00:10:37.540 These days, some of these females,
00:10:39.340 they use Instagram like a dating app.
00:10:41.160 I don't know what is going on.
00:10:42.200 They're posting all these random pictures.
00:10:43.820 It's like, bro,
00:10:44.700 you don't have to do all of that.
00:10:45.780 Focus on yourself and your career.
00:10:47.140 Who are you trying to get attention from?
00:10:48.880 I think a lot of girls,
00:10:50.080 a lot of attention-seeking girls on Instagram.
00:10:51.900 When it comes to guys...
00:10:53.640 So pick one, pick one.
00:10:54.800 Who's more promiscuous?
00:10:56.420 Promiscuous?
00:10:56.920 Yeah.
00:10:57.540 If we're talking about, like,
00:10:59.100 visually,
00:11:00.660 it's females.
00:11:00.840 I'm talking about who sleeps around more.
00:11:03.160 Oh, oh.
00:11:04.280 Okay, I'm going to spread the question.
00:11:06.840 You say men?
00:11:07.560 Yeah, I say men.
00:11:08.560 Men, yeah, yeah.
00:11:09.560 Okay, so I'm going to give you guys a stat.
00:11:11.920 Did you know one in three men under 30
00:11:13.580 are either virgins
00:11:14.520 or haven't had sex in the past year?
00:11:16.460 Do you think one in three women under 30
00:11:18.540 are either virgins
00:11:19.420 or haven't had sex in the past year?
00:11:22.160 No.
00:11:23.380 No.
00:11:25.260 I was going to say women sleep more than men.
00:11:27.820 That's what I was going to say.
00:11:28.700 Oh, I'm sorry.
00:11:29.280 Really?
00:11:29.680 Is that true?
00:11:31.080 Women sleep more than men.
00:11:32.600 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:11:33.200 Yeah, it's crazy, though.
00:11:34.320 No, I don't.
00:11:34.640 Oh, my goodness.
00:11:35.060 That's crazy.
00:11:35.460 Do you guys,
00:11:36.060 do you guys,
00:11:36.680 do you guys like tall guys?
00:11:39.260 You're into tall guys?
00:11:40.180 You're like short kings.
00:11:41.300 I mean, as long as they're taller than me,
00:11:42.560 I'm as short as it is,
00:11:43.620 so I don't need a six-foot king.
00:11:45.680 I'm all right with a five-seven, babe.
00:11:47.400 Have you heard,
00:11:48.040 have you heard girls say
00:11:49.040 that they need a guy over six foot?
00:11:50.620 Yeah.
00:11:51.120 All the time.
00:11:52.000 Do any of you have an ex
00:11:53.320 that's over six foot?
00:11:54.340 Yes.
00:11:54.620 Yeah, yeah.
00:11:55.140 I need to be that girl.
00:11:56.280 I need to say,
00:11:56.740 if you're not over six foot,
00:11:59.520 I don't want to know you.
00:12:00.060 Sorry, go ahead.
00:12:01.320 As long as you're taller than me,
00:12:02.400 that's what matters.
00:12:03.400 Do you have an ex over six foot?
00:12:06.480 Yeah.
00:12:06.920 Yeah.
00:12:08.520 It's okay, it's okay.
00:12:10.720 What percent of guys
00:12:12.080 do you think are over six foot?
00:12:14.320 One percent.
00:12:16.640 Lucky guess, 56.
00:12:18.620 56 percent?
00:12:19.520 I'm going to say 35 percent.
00:12:21.540 35 percent.
00:12:22.240 42.
00:12:22.820 42.
00:12:23.140 I'm not drunk, guys.
00:12:29.920 I would say 30 percent.
00:12:31.580 30 percent.
00:12:32.400 So it's only 15 percent of guys.
00:12:34.420 Wow.
00:12:35.440 And now think about it.
00:12:36.240 Think about it.
00:12:37.040 How many people said
00:12:38.140 they have an ex over six foot?
00:12:39.260 You did.
00:12:39.640 You did.
00:12:40.000 You did.
00:12:40.680 All sleeping with the same guys.
00:12:43.320 Huh?
00:12:44.040 Yeah, that's what I mean.
00:12:45.240 Why not sleeping with the same guys?
00:12:46.520 Not you personally,
00:12:48.580 but women in general
00:12:49.500 are sleeping with the same guys
00:12:50.760 because 80 percent of women
00:12:51.860 want 20 percent of men.
00:12:54.140 No, that is mad.
00:12:55.580 So the reason like women
00:12:56.720 think men are trash
00:12:57.480 and they think they're
00:12:58.000 sleeping around all the time
00:12:58.980 is because we go for
00:12:59.680 such a small percentage of men
00:13:01.520 and they are sleeping around
00:13:03.020 all the time.
00:13:03.520 But the majority of men,
00:13:04.560 if you go to Tesco,
00:13:05.460 you think they're getting any play?
00:13:07.840 Okay, so you're saying
00:13:08.920 it comes to our choice in men,
00:13:11.280 right?
00:13:12.300 That makes us think
00:13:13.880 the rest are the same.
00:13:15.320 I think that's a fair statement,
00:13:16.320 actually.
00:13:16.780 Yeah, I agree with that.
00:13:18.800 That's a very interesting statement.
00:13:20.300 Because I feel like a lot of the time,
00:13:21.560 like women when they're younger,
00:13:23.220 yeah, they go for like
00:13:24.060 the bad boy
00:13:25.140 or like something.
00:13:26.180 And as you get older,
00:13:26.960 you kind of realize
00:13:28.000 that like certain traits
00:13:29.040 that you would like
00:13:29.940 find attractive,
00:13:31.160 like someone who's
00:13:32.420 emotionally unavailable,
00:13:33.780 they become unattractive
00:13:35.020 as you get older.
00:13:35.700 You're only 22, right?
00:13:38.600 I know.
00:13:39.660 I haven't even been in a relationship,
00:13:41.260 but you know what?
00:13:41.620 I've seen so many like people
00:13:42.800 get into relationships
00:13:43.600 and it's just like
00:13:44.380 And it all flops.
00:13:45.180 Toxic and it's like,
00:13:46.180 Yeah.
00:13:46.700 I'm scared.
00:13:48.580 I'm actually terrified.
00:13:49.980 So have you guys had a toxic ex?
00:13:52.160 Yep.
00:13:52.580 Yes?
00:13:54.140 It wasn't an ex,
00:13:55.160 but I guess,
00:13:55.920 yeah, sort of toxic.
00:13:56.840 Yeah, okay.
00:13:57.880 Nope.
00:13:58.240 I've had people who felt
00:13:59.560 like they were obliged
00:14:01.020 by having a say
00:14:04.000 in my life
00:14:05.440 because they like me.
00:14:07.640 But that,
00:14:08.000 I don't,
00:14:08.620 that ain't,
00:14:09.340 that's not,
00:14:09.920 that's not.
00:14:12.020 Yes or no?
00:14:12.680 I need a yes or no.
00:14:13.640 No.
00:14:14.080 No.
00:14:15.600 No, okay.
00:14:16.380 Me, I would say yeah.
00:14:17.520 Yeah.
00:14:18.240 Okay.
00:14:18.840 How long were you involved
00:14:20.220 with your toxic ex?
00:14:21.460 A year and a half.
00:14:22.340 Yeah.
00:14:22.480 Did you love him?
00:14:23.520 Yes.
00:14:24.060 Yes?
00:14:24.900 Five years.
00:14:25.700 Five years?
00:14:26.440 Oh my.
00:14:27.460 Oh my goodness.
00:14:28.620 That is mad.
00:14:29.480 Five years.
00:14:30.140 That is crazy.
00:14:31.420 Did you love him?
00:14:32.100 That's how you know,
00:14:32.540 it's toxic.
00:14:32.940 I don't know.
00:14:33.940 Five years,
00:14:34.600 you didn't love him?
00:14:35.300 I don't know.
00:14:35.980 It was,
00:14:36.460 I wasn't like in a relationship
00:14:37.780 with him,
00:14:38.260 but it was just
00:14:38.680 this very toxic situation.
00:14:41.340 Okay.
00:14:41.960 So no,
00:14:42.900 you didn't love him?
00:14:43.560 Yes or no?
00:14:45.160 I don't know.
00:14:46.060 Maybe it was love to me
00:14:46.960 at the time,
00:14:47.660 but now I see it.
00:14:48.620 I don't think it's love.
00:14:49.960 Like now when I look back on it.
00:14:52.080 Wow.
00:14:52.560 Five years.
00:14:53.200 Okay.
00:14:53.480 So I actually never been
00:14:54.300 in a relationship like properly
00:14:55.500 where I can say,
00:14:56.360 oh,
00:14:56.860 you know,
00:14:57.360 with boyfriend and girlfriend.
00:14:58.760 Yeah.
00:14:58.920 But I've been in a lot of situations
00:15:01.280 where I'm dating a guy
00:15:02.020 and I would say,
00:15:02.780 yeah,
00:15:02.920 I'm this girl
00:15:03.380 and he's been quite toxic.
00:15:04.700 So yeah.
00:15:05.780 Yes?
00:15:06.380 Yes.
00:15:06.780 And how long were you with him?
00:15:07.760 I was with him
00:15:11.200 for about,
00:15:12.420 must have been like five months,
00:15:15.060 not that long.
00:15:15.640 Five months?
00:15:16.280 Yeah.
00:15:16.540 I'm a busy woman.
00:15:17.280 I haven't really got time.
00:15:18.180 Did you love him?
00:15:20.040 No.
00:15:20.580 No?
00:15:21.440 Okay.
00:15:22.020 So question,
00:15:22.980 question.
00:15:23.200 Based on this panel,
00:15:25.000 two out of four of you
00:15:25.920 said you loved your toxic ex
00:15:27.300 and you were with him
00:15:27.960 for over a year.
00:15:28.600 Would you say by that statement,
00:15:29.720 young women love toxic men?
00:15:32.300 Yes.
00:15:32.860 Yes.
00:15:33.460 Do you know what it is?
00:15:34.100 I think when you're young,
00:15:34.980 you don't really know
00:15:36.040 your boundaries properly yet.
00:15:37.920 And a lot of people
00:15:39.260 put up with stuff
00:15:40.140 that they wouldn't
00:15:40.820 usually put up with.
00:15:41.920 Like I always say now,
00:15:43.080 like men only treat you bad
00:15:45.600 if you let them.
00:15:46.340 If you let them,
00:15:46.920 yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:15:47.260 If you let them treat you bad.
00:15:48.100 That's true.
00:15:48.280 And if you don't respect
00:15:49.500 your boundaries,
00:15:50.260 then they're going to
00:15:50.820 walk all over you
00:15:51.600 and treat you like ass.
00:15:52.440 I think that's just
00:15:53.140 bad guys though.
00:15:54.580 I think that's just bad guys.
00:15:56.180 Like I think there's something
00:15:57.280 about young women
00:15:57.960 like picking the bad boys.
00:16:00.380 Like I don't think,
00:16:00.760 a nice guy isn't going to
00:16:01.920 walk all over you
00:16:02.700 if you treat him well.
00:16:03.780 That's just the thing.
00:16:04.220 No, 100%.
00:16:05.420 I'm the youngest in here
00:16:06.680 and I will tell you,
00:16:07.660 yeah,
00:16:08.080 it's because it's exciting.
00:16:09.420 It's like almost
00:16:09.860 like an adrenaline.
00:16:11.080 Yeah, no,
00:16:11.920 I agree with that.
00:16:12.380 Especially when I've got
00:16:13.260 high energy
00:16:13.900 and we bounce off each other.
00:16:15.600 I knew it
00:16:16.120 when she was talking
00:16:16.740 about the following.
00:16:17.500 I was like,
00:16:18.200 he likes the drama.
00:16:20.020 Yeah, literally.
00:16:21.040 But I also feel like,
00:16:22.520 yeah, it's not.
00:16:23.200 Sorry,
00:16:23.480 I also feel like
00:16:24.300 it depends on your circumstances
00:16:25.940 as the young girl.
00:16:27.240 Because I,
00:16:28.240 with me,
00:16:28.660 I depended on my ex
00:16:29.940 for living,
00:16:31.340 for food,
00:16:31.840 for everything.
00:16:32.820 So I felt like
00:16:33.700 I was chained to him.
00:16:35.600 Like I was his,
00:16:36.740 had no one else,
00:16:37.800 you know?
00:16:38.140 So it was like
00:16:38.800 circumstances made me
00:16:40.040 be in that situation.
00:16:41.800 So what about
00:16:42.520 that situation was toxic?
00:16:45.340 Well,
00:16:45.780 he was basically
00:16:47.880 like cheating around,
00:16:49.060 flirting with other girls
00:16:50.000 at work.
00:16:51.480 I didn't know,
00:16:52.420 obviously,
00:16:52.900 because I was just
00:16:53.520 like at home.
00:16:54.340 I didn't have a job.
00:16:55.320 I was just like
00:16:55.920 living off him,
00:16:56.920 you know?
00:16:57.500 But I feel like
00:16:58.220 he,
00:16:58.860 he
00:16:59.480 had that power over me
00:17:01.880 because I allowed him
00:17:02.760 to,
00:17:03.080 obviously.
00:17:04.400 So,
00:17:05.000 yeah.
00:17:06.060 So,
00:17:06.300 was it more than cheating
00:17:07.420 or was he a good boyfriend
00:17:08.560 outside of that?
00:17:09.040 It was more than cheating.
00:17:10.000 I was involved
00:17:10.800 in certain things as well.
00:17:12.240 So I felt like
00:17:12.740 if he did,
00:17:13.300 if he could do,
00:17:14.220 I could do it too.
00:17:14.980 Okay,
00:17:15.240 so you were cheating,
00:17:15.960 you were both cheating
00:17:16.640 on each other.
00:17:17.520 And couldn't you
00:17:18.020 have just done a standstill
00:17:19.020 and then got along?
00:17:21.160 No,
00:17:21.680 because,
00:17:22.120 I mean,
00:17:22.640 we did have conversations
00:17:24.520 about it.
00:17:25.100 We were very open
00:17:26.320 with each other.
00:17:27.300 But then,
00:17:28.660 obviously,
00:17:28.980 the cheating was lies
00:17:30.000 because he kept it from me.
00:17:31.940 Did you keep
00:17:32.480 your cheating from him?
00:17:33.520 No,
00:17:33.760 I told him.
00:17:34.800 I told him.
00:17:35.840 How did he react?
00:17:36.540 You don't want,
00:17:36.920 you don't know,
00:17:37.360 you don't want to know
00:17:37.920 who I cheated on him with,
00:17:38.880 but he reacted.
00:17:40.340 No,
00:17:40.540 you don't.
00:17:40.860 Really?
00:17:42.660 No,
00:17:42.960 I didn't think this is not.
00:17:43.640 Is he famous?
00:17:44.680 No,
00:17:45.000 he's not.
00:17:45.480 No,
00:17:45.620 no,
00:17:45.700 no,
00:17:45.720 no.
00:17:45.780 Okay,
00:17:46.200 do I know him?
00:17:46.760 I'm scared who's he the one.
00:17:47.780 Do I know him?
00:17:48.520 No,
00:17:48.820 you don't.
00:17:51.360 Okay,
00:17:51.740 I cheated on him
00:17:52.320 with his sister.
00:17:55.400 What the hell?
00:17:56.640 Listen,
00:17:57.280 if you break me,
00:17:58.740 I will break you back.
00:17:59.920 This is your sister.
00:18:01.800 Stop,
00:18:02.520 guys.
00:18:03.320 I'm going to go viral.
00:18:05.500 No,
00:18:06.100 no,
00:18:06.300 no,
00:18:06.580 no,
00:18:06.820 no,
00:18:06.880 no,
00:18:07.080 no,
00:18:07.180 no,
00:18:07.200 no,
00:18:07.480 no,
00:18:07.520 no,
00:18:07.800 no.
00:18:08.180 I'm a changed person.
00:18:10.220 I am a changed person.
00:18:12.100 I'm a changed person.
00:18:13.040 So why,
00:18:14.580 why,
00:18:15.380 why his sister?
00:18:16.700 I'm just going to sip my drink.
00:18:18.400 Me and his sister were really good friends.
00:18:20.320 I mean,
00:18:20.560 clearly.
00:18:22.480 No,
00:18:22.980 no,
00:18:23.160 we were really good friends.
00:18:27.760 And obviously one day she said she wanted to come over and I said,
00:18:30.600 cool,
00:18:30.760 he was at work.
00:18:31.600 We got drunk.
00:18:32.460 And she started like pouncing on me.
00:18:35.120 Okay.
00:18:35.400 I'm not even trying to like,
00:18:36.500 I'm so serious.
00:18:37.160 Like she,
00:18:37.620 and I was like,
00:18:38.040 no,
00:18:38.300 like this isn't right.
00:18:39.140 And she was like,
00:18:39.480 no,
00:18:40.320 and then it happened.
00:18:41.520 And I was like,
00:18:42.020 fuck.
00:18:42.640 And then you told him?
00:18:43.720 Yeah,
00:18:43.940 I told him.
00:18:44.420 How'd he react?
00:18:45.320 He almost killed me.
00:18:47.700 Was she younger?
00:18:48.580 How old was she?
00:18:49.240 She was younger.
00:18:49.940 Yeah.
00:18:50.040 But we had a conversation about it and I can't pay out his ethnicity.
00:18:55.380 Anyway,
00:18:55.840 um,
00:18:56.200 it's,
00:18:56.620 it's almost like common from where he's from.
00:19:00.220 Pardon?
00:19:00.480 At this point,
00:19:07.200 what's the,
00:19:07.880 what's holding you back?
00:19:08.780 What country do we need to not date?
00:19:14.040 Um,
00:19:14.580 let's just say somewhere in Africa.
00:19:16.320 Somewhere in Africa.
00:19:16.820 Somewhere in Africa.
00:19:17.480 Pardon?
00:19:18.060 Yeah.
00:19:18.360 Okay.
00:19:18.600 Where,
00:19:18.900 where in Africa is that common?
00:19:20.980 That's not common where I'm from.
00:19:22.460 Where in Africa?
00:19:23.720 Okay.
00:19:24.100 So South,
00:19:24.560 South Africa.
00:19:26.180 Oh,
00:19:26.560 wow.
00:19:27.480 Guys,
00:19:27.900 please don't get onto me.
00:19:29.220 I want to see love talking to me today.
00:19:30.880 Please don't get onto me.
00:19:31.340 I'm not going to lie.
00:19:31.960 No,
00:19:32.220 but,
00:19:32.460 um,
00:19:32.740 it's not common,
00:19:33.740 but it was like a thing within his.
00:19:38.240 I'll take your word.
00:19:39.220 I've never been to South Africa.
00:19:39.600 I feel like it's just getting worse,
00:19:40.940 but,
00:19:41.180 um,
00:19:41.660 a thing within his family.
00:19:42.660 And I spoke to him.
00:19:43.860 Why did you pick that up?
00:19:46.660 Because you said it,
00:19:47.640 you know,
00:19:48.180 like I could hear.
00:19:49.240 But because I'm,
00:19:50.660 regardless of whether I did something wrong or not,
00:19:53.060 regardless of whether I hurt someone's feeling or not,
00:19:55.180 I am an honest person.
00:19:56.920 And I feel like that's very,
00:19:58.360 very important.
00:19:59.040 If you're,
00:19:59.840 if you're talking to someone,
00:20:01.520 if you're in a relationship with someone,
00:20:03.100 if you're just with people anyway,
00:20:05.280 you know?
00:20:05.720 So I,
00:20:06.280 I just,
00:20:06.780 I clarified that with him.
00:20:07.740 He got upset.
00:20:08.960 He came back and he was like,
00:20:09.880 thank you for being honest with me.
00:20:11.620 You know?
00:20:12.100 So it was like,
00:20:13.420 yeah.
00:20:13.600 But he was toxic for cheating on you and not telling you.
00:20:17.140 Yes.
00:20:17.680 I had to find out.
00:20:18.820 Would you,
00:20:19.300 would you rather have him told you?
00:20:20.980 Yes.
00:20:21.720 Do you think men lie to women they care about or that they,
00:20:24.860 or they tell the truth to women?
00:20:26.020 They lie to women they care about.
00:20:27.620 And they feel like maybe like certain characteristics that they have,
00:20:31.280 for example,
00:20:32.280 um,
00:20:33.240 some,
00:20:34.080 cause some women are really stern.
00:20:35.480 Like if you cheat on me,
00:20:36.120 that's it.
00:20:36.720 And because they care so much,
00:20:38.180 they don't want to lose you.
00:20:39.100 So that thought of having to lose you would now be in,
00:20:42.640 be in the head obviously.
00:20:44.120 And yeah,
00:20:44.700 they wouldn't,
00:20:45.380 they wouldn't tell you.
00:20:46.160 So outside of the cheating,
00:20:47.380 anything else toxic or just that?
00:20:49.360 Um,
00:20:50.920 yeah,
00:20:51.400 we smoked a lot of stuff.
00:20:53.480 I guess that was toxic.
00:21:01.040 Yeah.
00:21:01.160 Okay.
00:21:01.860 Um,
00:21:02.720 all right.
00:21:03.080 What about you?
00:21:05.160 Um,
00:21:06.000 what was the question?
00:21:10.340 Um,
00:21:10.820 what was toxic about,
00:21:12.260 you said you had a toxic situationship.
00:21:14.440 Yeah.
00:21:14.640 What was toxic about it?
00:21:15.600 Um,
00:21:15.900 it was very emotionally abusive.
00:21:18.040 So like,
00:21:19.280 even though I see myself as a strong person,
00:21:21.540 but there's only so many times you can like get knocked down.
00:21:23.480 And I dealt with it and I feel like I didn't respect my own boundaries,
00:21:27.160 which led to me being in that situation.
00:21:30.920 Um,
00:21:31.240 yeah,
00:21:31.460 it was just very unhealthy.
00:21:32.660 What is emotional abuse?
00:21:34.700 Um,
00:21:35.020 I think to constantly knock someone's confidence down,
00:21:38.480 make them feel bad about themselves.
00:21:40.500 Like what specifically?
00:21:44.120 Um,
00:21:44.640 I don't know.
00:21:46.620 Like it could really be anything that,
00:21:48.700 you know,
00:21:48.920 just I'm asking like to you,
00:21:50.220 like,
00:21:50.340 what did he say?
00:21:51.080 Like what,
00:21:51.880 how was he emotionally abusive?
00:21:53.480 Oh,
00:21:53.980 he just like,
00:21:54.820 just used to knock me down.
00:21:55.940 Like I used to be a bit slow because I had a history of like doing like,
00:22:00.520 party drugs.
00:22:01.280 And I feel like it actually affected my like mental development a bit.
00:22:06.080 Like I had a start over a long time.
00:22:07.780 Like I was a bit slow and it was one of my biggest insecurities.
00:22:12.660 And I used to get dig that a lot for that.
00:22:14.300 Like,
00:22:14.480 Oh,
00:22:14.540 you're so slow.
00:22:15.120 You're stupid.
00:22:15.740 You're this.
00:22:16.240 And that's what he would say to you.
00:22:17.360 Yeah.
00:22:17.700 And also,
00:22:18.700 um,
00:22:19.420 I lost a lot of weight because of stress and I was very insecure in my skin.
00:22:22.880 I'd be like,
00:22:23.120 you're so skinny.
00:22:23.880 Like you lost so much weight.
00:22:25.540 And it would just make me feel like a bit rubbish about myself.
00:22:28.720 And what is,
00:22:30.640 what did you say to him back?
00:22:32.260 Like,
00:22:32.440 did you push back or what?
00:22:33.840 Yeah,
00:22:34.180 I would push back.
00:22:34.980 I would tell him like,
00:22:35.600 don't talk to me like that or I don't like that or something.
00:22:37.600 Cause he did.
00:22:38.060 You still like threaten me and stuff,
00:22:39.320 but he used to threaten you.
00:22:40.600 Yeah.
00:22:41.140 He was,
00:22:41.560 he wasn't like threatened threatened to do like what?
00:22:44.620 Kill you or no,
00:22:45.860 like just to like,
00:22:46.780 you know,
00:22:47.540 bring his fists up to me and stuff.
00:22:48.720 I knew he would never do anything,
00:22:50.040 but like,
00:22:50.660 yeah,
00:22:50.960 it was just not a nice situation.
00:22:53.280 I would always stand my ground about that,
00:22:54.780 but I would continue to put up with it for so long.
00:22:57.120 So that's why,
00:22:58.720 like I was disrespected for so long,
00:23:01.300 but literally after I got out of it,
00:23:03.380 I put on weight.
00:23:04.220 Like I was,
00:23:04.720 I got glow.
00:23:05.600 Like life is good.
00:23:07.420 Oh,
00:23:08.480 we love a happy ending.
00:23:09.640 Yeah.
00:23:10.480 Yeah.
00:23:13.320 What about,
00:23:13.980 no,
00:23:14.560 you,
00:23:14.860 you said,
00:23:15.280 yeah,
00:23:15.480 I mean,
00:23:16.000 you were,
00:23:17.260 you were sort of,
00:23:17.900 maybe,
00:23:19.480 you know,
00:23:20.140 no,
00:23:20.620 I told you not to wear something.
00:23:23.680 Yeah.
00:23:24.680 Literally it.
00:23:25.680 Yeah.
00:23:26.680 Yeah.
00:23:27.180 I've done this too many times.
00:23:28.680 I relate to her as well.
00:23:32.180 Cause you know what it is now I'm hearing both the stories.
00:23:35.680 Maybe I haven't actually been in a toxic relationship,
00:23:38.680 you say,
00:23:39.040 or toxic ex,
00:23:39.840 but everyone has their own meaning of toxic at the end of the day.
00:23:43.520 Obviously I'm sure there is like a meaning by book,
00:23:46.020 but everyone has their like individual.
00:23:48.020 definition by book.
00:23:49.020 Yeah.
00:23:50.020 Yeah.
00:23:51.020 One meaning.
00:23:52.020 One meaning.
00:23:53.020 Yeah.
00:23:54.020 You know what I'm trying to say,
00:23:55.020 but yeah,
00:23:56.020 basically I think with me,
00:23:57.020 it wasn't for that long.
00:23:58.020 It wasn't for that long.
00:23:59.020 I think,
00:24:00.020 I think what's toxic is like,
00:24:01.020 he was saying he wanted to see me,
00:24:02.020 but didn't see me.
00:24:03.020 And this was about eight months.
00:24:05.020 So he would say,
00:24:06.020 he'd want to see you.
00:24:07.020 And then he wouldn't see you.
00:24:08.020 That was toxic.
00:24:10.020 You call that toxic?
00:24:12.020 Because he constantly like makes promises to you.
00:24:17.020 He makes plans with you and lets you down consistently.
00:24:19.020 And it's like,
00:24:20.020 leading you on.
00:24:21.020 You know what I mean?
00:24:22.020 You cannot take advantage of me.
00:24:23.020 I'll be like,
00:24:24.020 leave then.
00:24:25.020 Stop leading me on.
00:24:26.020 I'm not leading you on.
00:24:27.020 Have you ever promised to go on a date and not get,
00:24:29.020 not went?
00:24:30.020 Have you ever blown off a guy for a date?
00:24:31.020 Yeah.
00:24:32.020 Multiple times.
00:24:33.020 Are you guys all toxic?
00:24:34.020 Yes.
00:24:35.020 You know,
00:24:36.020 I used to be.
00:24:37.020 To an extent.
00:24:38.020 I used to do the whole like,
00:24:39.020 I used to do the whole player thing.
00:24:40.020 I will lead you on.
00:24:41.020 And then just maybe.
00:24:42.020 I'm pretty sure all girls have entertained guys.
00:24:44.020 Like plenty of times in their lifetime.
00:24:45.020 It's for their own selfish reasons.
00:24:47.020 Yeah.
00:24:48.020 Yeah, but women aren't demonized for it.
00:24:49.020 Men are.
00:24:50.020 We call it entertainment.
00:24:51.020 It is entertainment.
00:24:52.020 It is entertainment.
00:24:53.020 It is entertainment.
00:24:54.020 I think women can be just as bad.
00:24:55.020 I want to go on to the Friday night.
00:24:56.020 Entertainment.
00:24:57.020 I want to be like.
00:24:58.020 Rotation guys.
00:24:59.020 You can say like a rotation entertainment.
00:25:01.020 Ha ha ha.
00:25:02.020 But when a guy says that he's toxic.
00:25:04.020 Yeah.
00:25:05.020 Yeah.
00:25:06.020 That's absolutely correct.
00:25:07.020 He says the exact same thing.
00:25:08.020 I do think women can be just as bad as men though.
00:25:09.020 Some women are actually demons.
00:25:11.020 Like.
00:25:12.020 Yeah.
00:25:13.020 Evil.
00:25:14.020 Pure evil.
00:25:15.020 Yeah.
00:25:16.020 Tell me.
00:25:17.020 Who are you thinking of?
00:25:18.020 What story?
00:25:19.020 No, I've just like seen how like some women treat men and like,
00:25:22.020 you know,
00:25:23.020 some women can be very narcissistic.
00:25:25.020 I think social media especially has like become a breeding ground for narcissism.
00:25:30.020 And a lot of people.
00:25:31.020 But I do also think the term is thrown around very loosely.
00:25:34.020 And a lot of people are accused of being a narcissist when they're actually not.
00:25:38.020 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:25:39.020 No but what girl.
00:25:40.020 You said you could think of a narcissistic girl.
00:25:41.020 Is there a story?
00:25:42.020 Give us a tea?
00:25:43.020 Yeah.
00:25:44.020 Yeah.
00:25:45.020 Spill the tea baby.
00:25:46.020 Um.
00:25:47.020 I mean, I could use like my.
00:25:49.020 I don't know.
00:25:50.020 Like I don't know any narcissistic women.
00:25:52.020 Oh, I've heard stories and stuff.
00:25:53.020 Oh, you've heard stories.
00:25:54.020 I've heard lots of stories and it's, it's actually like heartbreaking because a lot of the
00:25:58.020 time these men really care for these women and they're trapped in this abusive relationship.
00:26:02.020 but you know what a lot of girls trap guys by getting pregnant they do but at the same time
00:26:07.540 and then they have all this baby mom and dad but it's like it's mad no but you know what it is yeah
00:26:11.860 when it comes to like trapping a man with a baby you need to be careful who you sleep with
00:26:15.780 if you're sleeping with people loosely and you you run the risk of getting that person pregnant
00:26:20.900 so you have to you have to sit like you dug your grave but that runs back to what we said earlier
00:26:24.700 remember we said earlier about if you you only go into place with dating that person you don't
00:26:28.660 that person you want to be with them and you're getting supposed to because it's trust and then
00:26:31.540 you'd only sleep with that person if you're like john mean that yeah at the same time at the same
00:26:36.020 time if you don't want a baby then you need to wrap up because yeah as much as it takes two to tango
00:26:41.220 you need to protect yourself for your own good like yeah yeah the woman can say she's on the pill she's
00:26:45.780 on this she's on that but like it's still at the same time protect yourself you know you said you've
00:26:50.660 you've heard of a girl trapping a guy tell me about that um we're just baiting people's business
00:26:56.900 obviously someone in the music industry i don't know about who it is i can't even show you the
00:27:04.100 story if you want yeah be careful babes be careful but but what i was gonna say obviously um yeah he
00:27:12.580 was obviously dating i think this like girl only fans girl and um yeah and then obviously his energy
00:27:21.460 kind of switched right and she was quite um toxic i know she's toxic because she used to i heard from
00:27:28.420 other girls that she used to block she's to go on his phone and block certain goals oh wow and um used
00:27:34.260 to go and she'd go through people's like insta stories and stuff and john who he follows that makes
00:27:40.180 sense yeah that makes sense yeah and then afterwards um obviously who knows how she got pregnant yeah and
00:27:48.580 then um but obviously again it was it was it wasn't serious he was doing it mainly for pleasure
00:27:54.740 because of her body right she's got a nice body okay cool what else can you bring to the table
00:27:59.300 you know we've got beautiful lady panelists tonight we've all got body body you know what i mean but
00:28:04.820 we've got more than that hence why we're here today that's what i'm trying to say but obviously in the
00:28:10.420 in that case of obviously trapping him it's crazy because now it's messed up his career a little
00:28:15.380 bit he obviously didn't want he did not really taking responsibility and he's kind of like hiding
00:28:19.620 away from everyone almost and obviously that can impact the man mentally as well and i think a lot
00:28:24.580 of people don't focus on a man's mental health as well and i think females are all like oh we're
00:28:30.260 emotional and we've got feelings but obviously men are taught to obviously keep that away but but also
00:28:36.180 what i would say is like once a woman like when a woman actually falls pregnant it's a very very very
00:28:41.540 difficult decision to make whether to keep it or to get rid of it um like you grow pregnant
00:28:48.820 how do you fall pregnant
00:28:55.220 yeah but it is true because you get an emotional attachment
00:29:02.900 yeah it's a it's an actual baby i mean you might tell yourself oh i don't want a baby and then you
00:29:07.860 fall pregnant and you're like oh shit like what have i done yeah what have i done like i actually
00:29:12.740 want to keep this baby now or i'm gonna that's what i feel like a lot of people do you guys don't think
00:29:16.580 about the consequences of your actions you're always relying i feel like this generation likes so much
00:29:21.140 awareness yeah are you present are you aware of like what you're doing and the consequences
00:29:27.140 of our generation i would say mostly yeah this generation i would say mostly women yeah so we
00:29:31.220 go back to what you said women i would say women use abortion as a form i would say we use it as a
00:29:35.540 form of birth control which is not good which is not good by the way i mean i know people might have
00:29:41.460 different um views but i say that's not good that's horrible yeah i think if you don't want to get
00:29:47.220 pregnant then you need to like take the precautions to not get pregnant obviously if you need to have an
00:29:51.780 abortion then like you get an abortion because there's women out there that can't have children
00:29:58.500 and then if you get a lot of abortions that can actually stop you from having kids in the future
00:30:02.020 that is very true that is very true because i took the pill so many times i now suffer from
00:30:07.300 polycystic ovarian syndrome so it's hard for me to actually get pregnant um unfortunately i haven't
00:30:13.220 seen my period for four years but recently i got my period through some prophet that prayed for me and
00:30:17.780 yeah i'm delivered guys miracle wait so from like from what did you get it from the pill like
00:30:24.020 like do you mean the morning after pill or the the morning after pill yeah i took that too many times
00:30:28.980 and i also went on the pill how many times did you take it oh i think like six seven times six seven
00:30:35.940 times within the span of how long um within oh maybe like a month six seven in a month wow yeah and
00:30:45.060 did you know that was a possible side effect no i didn't and how did you find out that you had that
00:30:50.020 this was actually what what the polycystic ovarian syndrome when i was in a relationship with my toxic
00:30:54.820 ex because i noticed that he would obviously inside of me and then i would notice that i wasn't like
00:31:01.540 getting pregnant and i was gaining so much weight really quickly and um i started growing excess excess
00:31:08.420 hair in certain places so those are all the side effects of getting um polycystic ovarian syndromes and
00:31:14.020 then i went to the doctors found out i had it and yeah what was that like for you it was scary
00:31:21.300 because i love kids i'm i am a child myself you know like i love laughs i love playing i love to just
00:31:27.140 be me everywhere so kids was a big factor for me but i knew that in due time things will work out in my
00:31:34.500 favor and i will get the kids that i want it's not impossible not to have kids but it's harder 10 times
00:31:40.420 do you wish they told you about that um before you before i took yes thousand percent yeah that's
00:31:46.100 um thousand percent because i feel like a lot of girls really don't know about the side effects
00:31:49.940 they don't discuss them the doctors don't tell you i've never really been on it because when i
00:31:54.340 heard about birth control i was like you're gonna stop me from getting pregnant yeah i'm like that
00:31:58.340 can't be good education i want that education in that aspect when it comes to contraception
00:32:03.140 methods it's not that good they teach you a little bit at school but not
00:32:06.340 completely like the full world deal but even when you go and like get it prescribed the doctor
00:32:10.580 don't really tell you nothing and you know what there's so many women that go on contraception
00:32:14.660 and then they can't they struggle to get pregnant afterwards like they're like oh your fertility
00:32:18.580 goes back to normal straight away and it doesn't and some people are trying for a baby and three
00:32:23.220 years down the line they still can't have a child because they've been everyone's body's different
00:32:26.740 as well everyone's body works differently yeah yeah yeah it's hard do you guys believe that the label
00:32:33.380 toxic is overused in relationships today yes yeah i mean look at me like what 10 minutes ago i was
00:32:40.660 like yeah when he's been liking it like come on now like really and then hearing them stories you know
00:32:46.740 there's different like i said there's different um heights of toxic levels of toxicness and again
00:32:52.100 it's what you perceive the word toxic to mean so but i do think that toxic relationships and like
00:32:59.460 just with anyone like friends yeah partners and stuff it's like really like promoted on social
00:33:04.660 media it is it is actually like the toxic relationship lifestyles like toxic love like
00:33:10.340 everyone yeah like with kushan and and what's his name blue face yeah yeah yeah that's why i don't
00:33:15.060 understand why they get so much i don't get so much attention for that and it's like so unhealthy
00:33:19.620 they're probably so both so depressed and unhappy i feel like to be toxic you have to have a very
00:33:24.500 strong head yeah like for them to be toxic they know what they're doing it's like they don't it's
00:33:30.100 not like they don't know what they're doing it's like it's like it's calculated yeah they're doing
00:33:33.780 it on purpose but what i've seen that's what it looks like yeah i mean to be honest i feel like
00:33:38.820 with toxic relationships you get that adrenaline rush from like when things are good and then when
00:33:43.940 it goes like really bad you just think about the good times which is why you stay with that person
00:33:48.340 you're making excuses you feel like you're making excuses for yourself to stay yeah and obviously
00:33:52.180 it's so up and down like once it goes down you're like oh my god i can't wait for it to like go back
00:33:56.260 up again like and everything to be good because you guys go through like really good phases and it's
00:34:00.020 like a little bit of hope almost yeah that good part or sometimes you're just used to it this is
00:34:05.220 your comfort zone now yeah the cons will eventually outweigh the pose i mean that's when you know how do
00:34:13.140 you get used to it no but some people have grown up in even like a toxic household like with
00:34:18.020 toxic families like also like how someone's been raised has a big impact on like the type of men
00:34:23.780 they go for women also like drama yeah they do they do they love it i mean why don't women watch
00:34:29.300 sports that's camaraderie we like the kardashians that's true oh my god i love the kardashians so much
00:34:43.460 watch me in a year's time i'm gonna be sitting with kim kardashian
00:34:47.780 she's gonna be me and how i'm gonna be i'm telling you now manifestation
00:34:52.020 me and how i'm gonna be opposite each other working on you know skims x i've got a cover
00:34:56.580 land dropping soon as well joining my music so mad madness i told you i'm such a east dennis fan so i
00:35:03.380 can't you know what i like you know but it's christmas specials yeah they're drama every day
00:35:09.780 every day i used to do that i used to do that i used to send us every single day
00:35:13.860 but then the the storyline is just too dark for me like it's so negative that to a point you might
00:35:19.060 be able to handle it but like it got to a point where i could not i could not anymore but that is
00:35:24.180 toxic actually question what is toxicness and where does it come from i think something that's not good
00:35:31.940 for you but you want it you go for it anyway but something that's genuinely like bad for your
00:35:36.660 your mental health and i think it's and you do it anyway it's a long duration but where does it stem
00:35:41.940 from though where does it stem from i think well toxic relationships stem from lack of boundaries
00:35:47.060 i'm talking about toxic not toxic relationship there's two different that's like toxic itself
00:35:52.020 what does it stem from toxic it's something harmful something dangerous people use that for food
00:35:59.860 it's like poison wouldn't you say because that's what it can lead to it can like damage and it's
00:36:04.660 harmful to your mental health and then it can jamie needs other things the environment have have you
00:36:09.300 guys ever been labeled a toxic ex like would your exes say that you're toxic yes yes yeah no i haven't no
00:36:17.300 no but i would say i could be toxic if i choose to be toxic yeah yeah exactly that that's the energy
00:36:29.780 i agree with that that's why i said please be toxic you have to have a strong head and people
00:36:34.420 know what they do when they be toxic it's not like no it's like a mind game 100 i agree what do you think
00:36:41.380 have you ever been labeled a toxic ex would your exes say you're toxic they would they would say i'm
00:36:46.180 toxic only because they're not as lit as me that is why i'm toxic because um because um
00:36:53.700 we're not gonna talk about the whole like and follow that thing because i was in the past that
00:36:57.060 was 10 minutes ago but yeah i don't think i would be called toxic how how do you guys think past
00:37:04.660 relationships shape future relationships you know the difference between lust and love oh my goodness
00:37:12.180 you know the difference i feel like if you're able to reflect if you're able to reflect and not
00:37:17.940 carry on the patterns that you had in your past relationship 100 you need to be self-aware in that
00:37:23.540 aspect yeah 100 like erica badoo said yes in that song bag lady she's like pack light because if you
00:37:29.620 bring all your emotional baggage yeah into your future relationships they're never going to work
00:37:33.700 no one wants to deal with your baggage is she married now or no erica badoo i think she's got
00:37:37.940 kids i don't know she's got kids she does have kids i don't know about marriage i don't know i'm
00:37:43.060 not in the loop actually i met her once fun fact really yeah wow i didn't i didn't know who she was
00:37:48.020 though no way yeah she was cool though i love her she's she's sick do you guys think that the best
00:37:53.780 predictor of uh future relationships is past relationships yeah yeah yeah i don't think so
00:38:00.020 because i feel like in life like if you go into a relationship and you learn the lesson that it's
00:38:05.780 taught you after you've broken up then no but if you don't learn the lesson then the universe is
00:38:12.340 just going to keep sending you the same person in a different body and you're going to have to
00:38:15.460 keep re-learning why do we say the universe is going to you pick them no no no no because
00:38:22.660 hold on hold on i'm adding that to my list wait wait wait wait i'm adding that to my list of things
00:38:28.740 like i want girls to stop saying the universe but you know what some people really genuinely believe that
00:38:33.940 no yeah the universe does because if not if not why is it that the same person with the same
00:38:39.860 character traits with the same habits with the same comes to you again i got you you need to learn
00:38:48.340 i can i can i can break it down for you choices yeah no i'm saying like you either like toxic
00:38:54.820 you probably like toxic people and you're probably toxic but at the same time a lot of
00:38:58.500 the time you're the common denominator actually i understand that wait wait so girls will take
00:39:04.660 accountability off of them and say it's the it's and i'm not trying to pick on you but it's like
00:39:08.500 they'll say the universe and then it's like it might not be the universe it's probably you
00:39:12.820 but at the same time though a lot of toxic relationships don't start off toxic they start off like normal
00:39:17.620 relationships and then they change they change after the honeymoon phase that's true what i would say is yeah
00:39:22.820 poor choices but it's because you haven't learned your lesson the first time yeah exactly and there's
00:39:26.180 only so many relationships you're going to go through before you need to look inwards and be
00:39:29.220 like okay maybe i'm the problem yeah and i but self-reflection is hard you know yeah
00:39:36.900 it might not start toxic but then you probably do something that's toxic
00:39:42.020 yeah no one's perfect so actually relating to what you said it makes sense because when you said
00:39:47.060 environment and um how it relates i feel like it makes sense and when you said it's
00:39:52.500 you environment and you so it all depends on where you come from your upbringing and what
00:39:58.500 makes you who you are so i feel like when you're in relation a past relationship can make your future
00:40:02.500 relationship better but how that makes it better is by you knowing yourself uh-huh you have to do
00:40:07.380 self-reflection and you said self-reflection if you don't reflect on yourself or if you don't know
00:40:12.260 yourself or if you don't do better or if you continue to do the same thing it's like
00:40:16.340 whether you see and whether you like what you do that is what you're gonna attract do any of you guys go to the
00:40:21.140 gym you guys so if you if you're practicing squats you get better at squatting right so wouldn't you
00:40:28.900 say the only way to get better at being in a healthy relationship is to be in a healthy relationship
00:40:33.300 how would you know i would think so but also i think to be in a healthy relationship you need to
00:40:37.460 know what your boundaries are and you need to like respect them like going back to boundaries again like
00:40:41.300 if you have set boundaries and you respect your own boundaries and you have a level of self-respect
00:40:45.700 for yourself then it sets the tone for other people to come into your life and respect those
00:40:50.100 boundaries what kind of boundaries are helpful in a relationship i think a level of trust being able
00:40:55.860 to give people space if they need it okay trust you know not being like controlling or anything
00:41:01.940 not being controlling okay yeah i mean everyone's boundaries are kind of different it kind of depends
00:41:06.340 on the person and i think it also depends on that you gotta be independent as a woman and be okay with
00:41:12.100 being on your own i need to learn to love yourself if he leaves if he leaves it's like okay it's cool
00:41:18.340 he can leave you know i mean i've got a lot of girls rely a lot of guys a little girls depend that's
00:41:23.380 when do you know anyone that's been married for 30 plus years yeah 20 plus years not 20 20 20 plus
00:41:30.020 years do you feel like that's the woman's mentality is i need a lot of boundaries and i need to not need
00:41:34.900 him i don't think it's about not needing the person but i think there's a fine line between like
00:41:41.220 they could be so having your own life and then like codependency i mean like some some like girls
00:41:46.660 they make their relationship their whole life and then they break up with their partner and they're
00:41:51.220 lost they don't have no friends anymore because they drop out all their friends like they they don't
00:41:54.980 know themselves they lose their whole personality because they've made their whole life their
00:41:59.140 relationship and you need to remember to have a life i'm a couple years older than you and usually
00:42:05.620 those girls actually end up getting into a relationship and starting a family young
00:42:10.260 so it's just like instead of like you guys might have different skills like you're good at singing
00:42:13.940 you're good at that those girls just have relationship skills so they just usually they
00:42:18.100 just usually get into another relationship i mean they're heartbroken for a bit but then they they find
00:42:22.820 another guy because she proved she could be a good girlfriend to that one so that she goes into
00:42:26.580 another yeah some people are just relationship people i think they're just made to like be in a
00:42:30.900 relationship some people have the goals of like having a family young or they're just naive in
00:42:35.140 this day they just get taken advantage off yeah there's a very very like fine line there's a very
00:42:41.380 very fine line between that i think because yeah there's a lot of just make a man their whole life
00:42:46.740 because it gives them validation because they don't love themselves yeah and when you don't love
00:42:51.540 yourself like i know it's cliche but like how can you expect someone to love you properly if you don't
00:42:54.980 love and respect yourself how would you expect them to love you yeah you need to set the tone for them
00:43:00.580 you know if you show them that you don't respect yourself and you don't love yourself then how
00:43:04.900 are they going to do how are they going to love you and respect you so how do you show them that
00:43:09.300 i just i always hear these terms with girls and i just it's always so broad don't give them too many
00:43:13.620 chances i think you know i mean you know like if someone yeah don't give them too many chances okay
00:43:19.300 do you think the 30-year marriage 20-year marriage the the longest marriage you know you think the woman's
00:43:25.940 mentality was don't give him too many chances no no i'm just i'm talking about successful
00:43:31.620 outcomes so if we look at people with with good outcomes because we'd all agree long marriage is
00:43:36.580 better than no breaking up right yeah yeah okay but i'm talking i'm talking about like the dating
00:43:42.340 like when you're dating before you get into it because like i said i haven't actually been in a
00:43:45.540 proper relationship so i can only go with experience from dating something to say i know these girls think
00:43:49.780 some of you have been in relationships or no no but like i i haven't so yeah but i feel like you
00:43:55.940 have to make sure what was the question again do you think that do you think that the mentality of
00:44:02.100 cut a guy off quick it was good for a long-term relationship don't give him too many no if he's
00:44:07.220 cheating then yeah you've got it because he will most likely do it again why do we why do we always go to
00:44:12.820 like the worst case scenario i think i think um because of females in the beginning i think if
00:44:18.900 someone like if you express that you don't like how someone's treating you and then they continue
00:44:24.100 to treat you like that and then you still take them back that's unhealthy that's not you not
00:44:28.580 respecting your boundaries because you don't like the way you're being treated but you're going to
00:44:31.460 stay there because you like him or you think that he likes you because he does nasty things to you and
00:44:37.300 then he might buy some flowers afterwards and be like oh i'm so sorry but then he does it again
00:44:41.220 like that's unhealthy do you know what i mean like space of experience that's not good but like if
00:44:47.300 you're in a long-term marriage or you're in a relationship and you have a few issues that you
00:44:51.060 don't you don't like agree on certain things those things can easily be resolved with good communication
00:44:57.620 yeah i mean i agree with you that you should cut people off that aren't married if you if you want
00:45:01.780 to be married that aren't marriage-minded quick but i think sometimes like as women we always jump to
00:45:07.220 like the worst case scenario it's either cheating or be i don't i only know this i've done this show
00:45:11.220 so many times yeah we have fantasies it's always cheating i'm starting to get better before i used
00:45:17.220 to always think of the worst case scenario but now i'm like i'm calming down a little bit didn't you
00:45:22.180 just say cheating no but no i'm taking notes as an example as an example as an example i think sometimes
00:45:27.380 you just got to go with the flow like yeah literally you do you can't think too much into it
00:45:32.100 obviously if you're not being treated right then obviously he's got to go but yeah 100 it's as
00:45:36.820 simple as that okay um can a person change and no longer be considered a toxic ex yes 100 i think
00:45:44.980 they can change when they look in words okay what do you think um no what you don't think people can
00:45:52.500 change no depending on how long you're trying to get them to change depending on how long you have
00:46:01.300 no but you know what it is a man or a woman anyone will only change when they're ready to change yeah
00:46:05.460 you can't ever force them force them to change because they're never they're never going to
00:46:08.980 change for you like if you stay with a man hoping that he will change he's not going to change for you
00:46:13.380 influence when he's ready it's got to be genuine as well it's got to be a genuine change yeah like it's
00:46:17.780 got a last yeah and don't forget like sometimes you know guys i'm sure go through stuff as well
00:46:22.980 like certain triggers might trigger them to like certain toxic toxic attributes to like you know
00:46:29.140 come back that aren't healthy so that needs to be taken into account as well when he makes that change
00:46:34.500 that has he completely like uh looked within himself that we keep saying and like what about her so
00:46:41.060 it's just interesting whenever i say toxic acts we always say man what about her
00:46:44.100 yeah but like a toxic girl you know because you said you knew a lot of toxic girls or you've seen
00:46:55.460 that situation toxic relationships and i've seen like toxic relationships where the woman is like
00:47:00.020 the aggressor or like the the toxic person and did she change um i don't know her well enough to know
00:47:05.860 that so i can't really speak on it but um yeah people some people change but you know what it is again
00:47:11.460 like self-reflection it is really hard to do when you have to look inwards and look at yourself and
00:47:15.700 your own flaws a lot of people would rather ignore that because ignorance is bliss someone in the
00:47:21.140 chat said people only change when the reality of their life convinces them to make a change
00:47:26.420 yeah that's true big big situations happen or something that would just it's so yeah yeah i mean
00:47:32.900 i feel like a lot of people have to hit rock bottom for them to realize okay i need to change this i need to
00:47:37.860 like that's true yeah one time i was dating a guy that my dad didn't like and um i said i said dad
00:47:46.740 do people change that was a couple years ago and he looks at me and he says yes they get worse over
00:47:53.380 time so any truth that you see any truth that you see now it's gonna be worse in 10 years so choose
00:48:00.500 carefully because it's not gonna get better no it's true though because it would just get under
00:48:06.340 your skin more word as the time goes on if you don't like something you're not vocal about it from
00:48:10.580 the beginning like it's gonna how do you expect it's gonna dwell on your mind yeah i feel like
00:48:15.620 that's how you get the ick i feel like you can't fix a person a person can only fix themselves and for
00:48:20.100 them to fix themselves they have to make countless mistakes in order for them to realize yo whoa what am i
00:48:24.660 doing that's it 100 i agree with that and that includes sorry sorry that includes going back to
00:48:30.420 the triggers you were talking about because without those triggers how would you know that you're
00:48:34.740 ready for change or you're ready to change you know okay i think a lot of people can like um
00:48:41.380 base their like toxicity off like a bad upbringing and stuff but you know what you get to a certain
00:48:46.500 age where you need to be held accountable for like your behaviors and stuff not necessarily
00:48:50.660 you can't blame it you can't blame it on your your childhood and stuff because at the end of the
00:48:54.820 day like you can see someone who's got like grown up with like alcoholic parents i actually saw a
00:49:00.580 post and it was like twins and they grew up in a household with like two alcoholic parents and one
00:49:06.260 of them became a complete alcoholic just like his parents and the other one fixed his whole life
00:49:10.340 had a successful business and stuff you know like if you've been given cards but it's just like
00:49:15.300 it depends what you want to do like you can either learn from that and be like okay i don't want to
00:49:18.180 be like that i'm going to make a change so i'm not that kind of person or you can just be like
00:49:22.740 oh i'm like that because my parents were like that i'm like this because i grew up in a bad
00:49:26.340 environment i think that's because of mindset as well don't you think that's because of mindset
00:49:31.620 why did you say now the reason why i said not necessarily was because like she just said
00:49:35.860 the first twin decided to be more of an alcoholic and the second twin decided to make a change of his
00:49:42.100 life and they are two different people what's through one person it's doing the same household
00:49:46.980 but as you just said mindset what depends on who you're around with yes it is a decision but at
00:49:52.820 the same time you can't do it by yourself you need people to help you 100 don't you get to choose the
00:49:58.980 people in your life yeah you do but at the same time over the age of 18 you guys have all come across
00:50:03.940 really bad i'm pretty sure you guys are walking across really bad people but you didn't end up being
00:50:07.700 like them you chose with them yeah but you're not them but at the same time you like realize like okay
00:50:13.220 i don't want to be like this so you're not going to associate yourself with people that again it's
00:50:17.140 like what you said having um boundaries yeah what you accept into your life and yeah 100
00:50:22.900 do you know what i mean the same way we don't have the same bodies the same way we don't have the same
00:50:26.100 mindset no 100 a mindset is something that you learn like over time yeah and everyone's way of learning
00:50:31.220 is different like the same way school isn't for everyone it's the same way the way you take education
00:50:34.900 differently yeah yeah so you can't be a person when they don't change their lives but at the same
00:50:39.780 time like you can't sit there and blame everything else for the way your life's turned out because
00:50:46.820 everyone has a sob story like everyone goes through yeah but it's like it's about how you it's about how
00:50:52.340 you deal with it you know if you don't want to be in that situation then you work towards getting
00:50:56.180 yourself out of that situation you know if you sit there and you sulk and you're like oh i'm in this
00:50:59.860 situation and you don't make no change like how do you expect to grow how do you expect you are
00:51:05.620 yeah exactly you have to become the change and take actions towards that change like thinking and
00:51:11.140 all of that is nothing without action you gotta continue consistently execute it that's really