Modern Women Don't Take Responsibility For Their ACTIONS
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Summary
In this episode, we talk about the difference between controlling and dominant exes and how to deal with them in a healthy relationship. We also talk about how toxic exes can be in a relationship and what to do about it.
Transcript
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I think a lot of people can, like, base their, like, toxicity
00:00:05.480
off, like, a bad upbringing and stuff, but do you know what?
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You get to a certain age where you need to be held accountable
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because at the end of the day, like, you can see someone
00:00:18.820
who's got, like, grown up with, like, alcoholic parents.
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and they grew up in a household with, like, two alcoholic parents.
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just like his parents, and the other one fixed his whole life,
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is the same way we don't have the same mindset.
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A mindset is something that you learn, like, over time.
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is the same way the way you take education differently.
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So you can't be a female person when they don't change their lives.
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But at the same time, like, you can't sit there
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and blame everything else for the way your life's turned out
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You know, if you don't want to be in that situation,
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then you work towards getting yourself out of that situation.
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So question, what is your definition of a toxic ex?
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Someone that feels entitled to making decisions for you.
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Someone that feels entitled to your life, to your lifestyle.
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But that also determines on whether you give them that entitlement,
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But do you not like it when a guy has a bit of, like, control?
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Like, with me, even though I have a lot of control in my career
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and in my life, but I like to feel, you know, petite and cute.
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So I like when a man is like, oh, John Turner says,
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I like to have, like, a bit of control in that.
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John Turner says, I want to know you care about me.
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Because also, like, the whole controlling thing
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But she's saying the opposite of what you said.
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I agree because of the context that she means it in.
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She doesn't mean, like, toxic or, like, in an angry way,
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You don't want him to feel entitled to making decisions.
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I do think that there's a huge difference between controlling
00:03:03.660
And I think that as a woman, I think in a relationship,
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you're like a man that has a little bit of dominance.
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I think controlling and like constantly checking where you are.
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I feel like there should be a level of trust in a relationship.
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If you're chasing, constantly asking where someone is.
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What's the difference between controlling and dominance?
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I think a dominant man is someone that can like make decisions.
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Like say, for example, like we're going on a date.
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checking up on you and making sure you're good.
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But like, instead of being like, where are you?
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So you want them to be able to make the decisions,
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I don't think you guys are really answering the question
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You guys are just saying the guys being controlled
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I feel like a toxic relationship is when two people
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but in a way where you know that what one person saying
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is not good and what another person saying is not good,
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So it's like you guys are fighting and banning like,
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but if it doesn't work and you have that clash all the time,
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but you're still doing it and you're still together.
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because don't you argue all the time during a rough patch in a marriage?
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But what I would say is if you're married to someone,
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And I think those are things that you should be able to work through by communication.
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I'm just trying to lock you down onto one thing.
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I feel like it depends on what the topic of conversation is and what you guys are arguing about.
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That then depends if it's toxic or thing where I'm correcting you and what you're doing is wrong.
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That all depends on what you guys are arguing about for you to know whether it is toxic
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or thing where you're just correcting the person.
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So what would be an example of something that's toxic and something that's not?
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Don't you think it's toxic to be constantly looking who he's following and who he's liking?
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if you really like one person and you like the person you're with,
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Yeah, but why do you got to get upset over an Instagram?
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Because you're double tapping it because you clearly like what you're seeing.
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You don't think you're looking for drama in a way?
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But shouldn't you go into relationships in good faith?
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The reason why I'm saying everything she's saying is right.
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The way things were back then is totally different.
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Because it says a lot about a man's sexual discipline as well.
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If her intention is to get a reaction out of that
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Yeah, because I don't like a single guy's picture.
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before you get into something serious with them.
00:18:27.760
And obviously one day she said she wanted to come over and I said,
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But we had a conversation about it and I can't pay out his ethnicity.
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regardless of whether I did something wrong or not,
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regardless of whether I hurt someone's feeling or not,
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But he was toxic for cheating on you and not telling you.
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Do you think men lie to women they care about or that they,
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And they feel like maybe like certain characteristics that they have,
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So that thought of having to lose you would now be in,
00:21:21.540
but there's only so many times you can like get knocked down.
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And I dealt with it and I feel like I didn't respect my own boundaries,
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I think to constantly knock someone's confidence down,
00:21:55.940
Like I used to be a bit slow because I had a history of like doing like,
00:22:01.280
And I feel like it actually affected my like mental development a bit.
00:22:07.780
Like I was a bit slow and it was one of my biggest insecurities.
00:22:19.420
I lost a lot of weight because of stress and I was very insecure in my skin.
00:22:25.540
And it would just make me feel like a bit rubbish about myself.
00:22:35.600
don't talk to me like that or I don't like that or something.
00:22:41.560
he wasn't like threatened threatened to do like what?
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but I would continue to put up with it for so long.
00:23:32.180
Cause you know what it is now I'm hearing both the stories.
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Maybe I haven't actually been in a toxic relationship,
00:23:39.840
but everyone has their own meaning of toxic at the end of the day.
00:23:43.520
Obviously I'm sure there is like a meaning by book,
00:24:12.020
Because he constantly like makes promises to you.
00:24:17.020
He makes plans with you and lets you down consistently.
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Have you ever promised to go on a date and not get,
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I'm pretty sure all girls have entertained guys.
00:25:08.020
I do think women can be just as bad as men though.
00:25:19.020
No, I've just like seen how like some women treat men and like,
00:25:25.020
I think social media especially has like become a breeding ground for narcissism.
00:25:31.020
But I do also think the term is thrown around very loosely.
00:25:34.020
And a lot of people are accused of being a narcissist when they're actually not.
00:25:40.020
You said you could think of a narcissistic girl.
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I've heard lots of stories and it's, it's actually like heartbreaking because a lot of the
00:25:58.020
time these men really care for these women and they're trapped in this abusive relationship.
00:26:02.020
but you know what a lot of girls trap guys by getting pregnant they do but at the same time
00:26:07.540
and then they have all this baby mom and dad but it's like it's mad no but you know what it is yeah
00:26:11.860
when it comes to like trapping a man with a baby you need to be careful who you sleep with
00:26:15.780
if you're sleeping with people loosely and you you run the risk of getting that person pregnant
00:26:20.900
so you have to you have to sit like you dug your grave but that runs back to what we said earlier
00:26:24.700
remember we said earlier about if you you only go into place with dating that person you don't
00:26:28.660
that person you want to be with them and you're getting supposed to because it's trust and then
00:26:31.540
you'd only sleep with that person if you're like john mean that yeah at the same time at the same
00:26:36.020
time if you don't want a baby then you need to wrap up because yeah as much as it takes two to tango
00:26:41.220
you need to protect yourself for your own good like yeah yeah the woman can say she's on the pill she's
00:26:45.780
on this she's on that but like it's still at the same time protect yourself you know you said you've
00:26:50.660
you've heard of a girl trapping a guy tell me about that um we're just baiting people's business
00:26:56.900
obviously someone in the music industry i don't know about who it is i can't even show you the
00:27:04.100
story if you want yeah be careful babes be careful but but what i was gonna say obviously um yeah he
00:27:12.580
was obviously dating i think this like girl only fans girl and um yeah and then obviously his energy
00:27:21.460
kind of switched right and she was quite um toxic i know she's toxic because she used to i heard from
00:27:28.420
other girls that she used to block she's to go on his phone and block certain goals oh wow and um used
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to go and she'd go through people's like insta stories and stuff and john who he follows that makes
00:27:40.180
sense yeah that makes sense yeah and then afterwards um obviously who knows how she got pregnant yeah and
00:27:48.580
then um but obviously again it was it was it wasn't serious he was doing it mainly for pleasure
00:27:54.740
because of her body right she's got a nice body okay cool what else can you bring to the table
00:27:59.300
you know we've got beautiful lady panelists tonight we've all got body body you know what i mean but
00:28:04.820
we've got more than that hence why we're here today that's what i'm trying to say but obviously in the
00:28:10.420
in that case of obviously trapping him it's crazy because now it's messed up his career a little
00:28:15.380
bit he obviously didn't want he did not really taking responsibility and he's kind of like hiding
00:28:19.620
away from everyone almost and obviously that can impact the man mentally as well and i think a lot
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of people don't focus on a man's mental health as well and i think females are all like oh we're
00:28:30.260
emotional and we've got feelings but obviously men are taught to obviously keep that away but but also
00:28:36.180
what i would say is like once a woman like when a woman actually falls pregnant it's a very very very
00:28:41.540
difficult decision to make whether to keep it or to get rid of it um like you grow pregnant
00:28:55.220
yeah but it is true because you get an emotional attachment
00:29:02.900
yeah it's a it's an actual baby i mean you might tell yourself oh i don't want a baby and then you
00:29:07.860
fall pregnant and you're like oh shit like what have i done yeah what have i done like i actually
00:29:12.740
want to keep this baby now or i'm gonna that's what i feel like a lot of people do you guys don't think
00:29:16.580
about the consequences of your actions you're always relying i feel like this generation likes so much
00:29:21.140
awareness yeah are you present are you aware of like what you're doing and the consequences
00:29:27.140
of our generation i would say mostly yeah this generation i would say mostly women yeah so we
00:29:31.220
go back to what you said women i would say women use abortion as a form i would say we use it as a
00:29:35.540
form of birth control which is not good which is not good by the way i mean i know people might have
00:29:41.460
different um views but i say that's not good that's horrible yeah i think if you don't want to get
00:29:47.220
pregnant then you need to like take the precautions to not get pregnant obviously if you need to have an
00:29:51.780
abortion then like you get an abortion because there's women out there that can't have children
00:29:58.500
and then if you get a lot of abortions that can actually stop you from having kids in the future
00:30:02.020
that is very true that is very true because i took the pill so many times i now suffer from
00:30:07.300
polycystic ovarian syndrome so it's hard for me to actually get pregnant um unfortunately i haven't
00:30:13.220
seen my period for four years but recently i got my period through some prophet that prayed for me and
00:30:17.780
yeah i'm delivered guys miracle wait so from like from what did you get it from the pill like
00:30:24.020
like do you mean the morning after pill or the the morning after pill yeah i took that too many times
00:30:28.980
and i also went on the pill how many times did you take it oh i think like six seven times six seven
00:30:35.940
times within the span of how long um within oh maybe like a month six seven in a month wow yeah and
00:30:45.060
did you know that was a possible side effect no i didn't and how did you find out that you had that
00:30:50.020
this was actually what what the polycystic ovarian syndrome when i was in a relationship with my toxic
00:30:54.820
ex because i noticed that he would obviously inside of me and then i would notice that i wasn't like
00:31:01.540
getting pregnant and i was gaining so much weight really quickly and um i started growing excess excess
00:31:08.420
hair in certain places so those are all the side effects of getting um polycystic ovarian syndromes and
00:31:14.020
then i went to the doctors found out i had it and yeah what was that like for you it was scary
00:31:21.300
because i love kids i'm i am a child myself you know like i love laughs i love playing i love to just
00:31:27.140
be me everywhere so kids was a big factor for me but i knew that in due time things will work out in my
00:31:34.500
favor and i will get the kids that i want it's not impossible not to have kids but it's harder 10 times
00:31:40.420
do you wish they told you about that um before you before i took yes thousand percent yeah that's
00:31:46.100
um thousand percent because i feel like a lot of girls really don't know about the side effects
00:31:49.940
they don't discuss them the doctors don't tell you i've never really been on it because when i
00:31:54.340
heard about birth control i was like you're gonna stop me from getting pregnant yeah i'm like that
00:31:58.340
can't be good education i want that education in that aspect when it comes to contraception
00:32:03.140
methods it's not that good they teach you a little bit at school but not
00:32:06.340
completely like the full world deal but even when you go and like get it prescribed the doctor
00:32:10.580
don't really tell you nothing and you know what there's so many women that go on contraception
00:32:14.660
and then they can't they struggle to get pregnant afterwards like they're like oh your fertility
00:32:18.580
goes back to normal straight away and it doesn't and some people are trying for a baby and three
00:32:23.220
years down the line they still can't have a child because they've been everyone's body's different
00:32:26.740
as well everyone's body works differently yeah yeah yeah it's hard do you guys believe that the label
00:32:33.380
toxic is overused in relationships today yes yeah i mean look at me like what 10 minutes ago i was
00:32:40.660
like yeah when he's been liking it like come on now like really and then hearing them stories you know
00:32:46.740
there's different like i said there's different um heights of toxic levels of toxicness and again
00:32:52.100
it's what you perceive the word toxic to mean so but i do think that toxic relationships and like
00:32:59.460
just with anyone like friends yeah partners and stuff it's like really like promoted on social
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media it is it is actually like the toxic relationship lifestyles like toxic love like
00:33:10.340
everyone yeah like with kushan and and what's his name blue face yeah yeah yeah that's why i don't
00:33:15.060
understand why they get so much i don't get so much attention for that and it's like so unhealthy
00:33:19.620
they're probably so both so depressed and unhappy i feel like to be toxic you have to have a very
00:33:24.500
strong head yeah like for them to be toxic they know what they're doing it's like they don't it's
00:33:30.100
not like they don't know what they're doing it's like it's like it's calculated yeah they're doing
00:33:33.780
it on purpose but what i've seen that's what it looks like yeah i mean to be honest i feel like
00:33:38.820
with toxic relationships you get that adrenaline rush from like when things are good and then when
00:33:43.940
it goes like really bad you just think about the good times which is why you stay with that person
00:33:48.340
you're making excuses you feel like you're making excuses for yourself to stay yeah and obviously
00:33:52.180
it's so up and down like once it goes down you're like oh my god i can't wait for it to like go back
00:33:56.260
up again like and everything to be good because you guys go through like really good phases and it's
00:34:00.020
like a little bit of hope almost yeah that good part or sometimes you're just used to it this is
00:34:05.220
your comfort zone now yeah the cons will eventually outweigh the pose i mean that's when you know how do
00:34:13.140
you get used to it no but some people have grown up in even like a toxic household like with
00:34:18.020
toxic families like also like how someone's been raised has a big impact on like the type of men
00:34:23.780
they go for women also like drama yeah they do they do they love it i mean why don't women watch
00:34:29.300
sports that's camaraderie we like the kardashians that's true oh my god i love the kardashians so much
00:34:43.460
watch me in a year's time i'm gonna be sitting with kim kardashian
00:34:47.780
she's gonna be me and how i'm gonna be i'm telling you now manifestation
00:34:52.020
me and how i'm gonna be opposite each other working on you know skims x i've got a cover
00:34:56.580
land dropping soon as well joining my music so mad madness i told you i'm such a east dennis fan so i
00:35:03.380
can't you know what i like you know but it's christmas specials yeah they're drama every day
00:35:09.780
every day i used to do that i used to do that i used to send us every single day
00:35:13.860
but then the the storyline is just too dark for me like it's so negative that to a point you might
00:35:19.060
be able to handle it but like it got to a point where i could not i could not anymore but that is
00:35:24.180
toxic actually question what is toxicness and where does it come from i think something that's not good
00:35:31.940
for you but you want it you go for it anyway but something that's genuinely like bad for your
00:35:36.660
your mental health and i think it's and you do it anyway it's a long duration but where does it stem
00:35:41.940
from though where does it stem from i think well toxic relationships stem from lack of boundaries
00:35:47.060
i'm talking about toxic not toxic relationship there's two different that's like toxic itself
00:35:52.020
what does it stem from toxic it's something harmful something dangerous people use that for food
00:35:59.860
it's like poison wouldn't you say because that's what it can lead to it can like damage and it's
00:36:04.660
harmful to your mental health and then it can jamie needs other things the environment have have you
00:36:09.300
guys ever been labeled a toxic ex like would your exes say that you're toxic yes yes yeah no i haven't no
00:36:17.300
no but i would say i could be toxic if i choose to be toxic yeah yeah exactly that that's the energy
00:36:29.780
i agree with that that's why i said please be toxic you have to have a strong head and people
00:36:34.420
know what they do when they be toxic it's not like no it's like a mind game 100 i agree what do you think
00:36:41.380
have you ever been labeled a toxic ex would your exes say you're toxic they would they would say i'm
00:36:46.180
toxic only because they're not as lit as me that is why i'm toxic because um because um
00:36:53.700
we're not gonna talk about the whole like and follow that thing because i was in the past that
00:36:57.060
was 10 minutes ago but yeah i don't think i would be called toxic how how do you guys think past
00:37:04.660
relationships shape future relationships you know the difference between lust and love oh my goodness
00:37:12.180
you know the difference i feel like if you're able to reflect if you're able to reflect and not
00:37:17.940
carry on the patterns that you had in your past relationship 100 you need to be self-aware in that
00:37:23.540
aspect yeah 100 like erica badoo said yes in that song bag lady she's like pack light because if you
00:37:29.620
bring all your emotional baggage yeah into your future relationships they're never going to work
00:37:33.700
no one wants to deal with your baggage is she married now or no erica badoo i think she's got
00:37:37.940
kids i don't know she's got kids she does have kids i don't know about marriage i don't know i'm
00:37:43.060
not in the loop actually i met her once fun fact really yeah wow i didn't i didn't know who she was
00:37:48.020
though no way yeah she was cool though i love her she's she's sick do you guys think that the best
00:37:53.780
predictor of uh future relationships is past relationships yeah yeah yeah i don't think so
00:38:00.020
because i feel like in life like if you go into a relationship and you learn the lesson that it's
00:38:05.780
taught you after you've broken up then no but if you don't learn the lesson then the universe is
00:38:12.340
just going to keep sending you the same person in a different body and you're going to have to
00:38:15.460
keep re-learning why do we say the universe is going to you pick them no no no no because
00:38:22.660
hold on hold on i'm adding that to my list wait wait wait wait i'm adding that to my list of things
00:38:28.740
like i want girls to stop saying the universe but you know what some people really genuinely believe that
00:38:33.940
no yeah the universe does because if not if not why is it that the same person with the same
00:38:39.860
character traits with the same habits with the same comes to you again i got you you need to learn
00:38:48.340
i can i can i can break it down for you choices yeah no i'm saying like you either like toxic
00:38:54.820
you probably like toxic people and you're probably toxic but at the same time a lot of
00:38:58.500
the time you're the common denominator actually i understand that wait wait so girls will take
00:39:04.660
accountability off of them and say it's the it's and i'm not trying to pick on you but it's like
00:39:08.500
they'll say the universe and then it's like it might not be the universe it's probably you
00:39:12.820
but at the same time though a lot of toxic relationships don't start off toxic they start off like normal
00:39:17.620
relationships and then they change they change after the honeymoon phase that's true what i would say is yeah
00:39:22.820
poor choices but it's because you haven't learned your lesson the first time yeah exactly and there's
00:39:26.180
only so many relationships you're going to go through before you need to look inwards and be
00:39:29.220
like okay maybe i'm the problem yeah and i but self-reflection is hard you know yeah
00:39:36.900
it might not start toxic but then you probably do something that's toxic
00:39:42.020
yeah no one's perfect so actually relating to what you said it makes sense because when you said
00:39:47.060
environment and um how it relates i feel like it makes sense and when you said it's
00:39:52.500
you environment and you so it all depends on where you come from your upbringing and what
00:39:58.500
makes you who you are so i feel like when you're in relation a past relationship can make your future
00:40:02.500
relationship better but how that makes it better is by you knowing yourself uh-huh you have to do
00:40:07.380
self-reflection and you said self-reflection if you don't reflect on yourself or if you don't know
00:40:12.260
yourself or if you don't do better or if you continue to do the same thing it's like
00:40:16.340
whether you see and whether you like what you do that is what you're gonna attract do any of you guys go to the
00:40:21.140
gym you guys so if you if you're practicing squats you get better at squatting right so wouldn't you
00:40:28.900
say the only way to get better at being in a healthy relationship is to be in a healthy relationship
00:40:33.300
how would you know i would think so but also i think to be in a healthy relationship you need to
00:40:37.460
know what your boundaries are and you need to like respect them like going back to boundaries again like
00:40:41.300
if you have set boundaries and you respect your own boundaries and you have a level of self-respect
00:40:45.700
for yourself then it sets the tone for other people to come into your life and respect those
00:40:50.100
boundaries what kind of boundaries are helpful in a relationship i think a level of trust being able
00:40:55.860
to give people space if they need it okay trust you know not being like controlling or anything
00:41:01.940
not being controlling okay yeah i mean everyone's boundaries are kind of different it kind of depends
00:41:06.340
on the person and i think it also depends on that you gotta be independent as a woman and be okay with
00:41:12.100
being on your own i need to learn to love yourself if he leaves if he leaves it's like okay it's cool
00:41:18.340
he can leave you know i mean i've got a lot of girls rely a lot of guys a little girls depend that's
00:41:23.380
when do you know anyone that's been married for 30 plus years yeah 20 plus years not 20 20 20 plus
00:41:30.020
years do you feel like that's the woman's mentality is i need a lot of boundaries and i need to not need
00:41:34.900
him i don't think it's about not needing the person but i think there's a fine line between like
00:41:41.220
they could be so having your own life and then like codependency i mean like some some like girls
00:41:46.660
they make their relationship their whole life and then they break up with their partner and they're
00:41:51.220
lost they don't have no friends anymore because they drop out all their friends like they they don't
00:41:54.980
know themselves they lose their whole personality because they've made their whole life their
00:41:59.140
relationship and you need to remember to have a life i'm a couple years older than you and usually
00:42:05.620
those girls actually end up getting into a relationship and starting a family young
00:42:10.260
so it's just like instead of like you guys might have different skills like you're good at singing
00:42:13.940
you're good at that those girls just have relationship skills so they just usually they
00:42:18.100
just usually get into another relationship i mean they're heartbroken for a bit but then they they find
00:42:22.820
another guy because she proved she could be a good girlfriend to that one so that she goes into
00:42:26.580
another yeah some people are just relationship people i think they're just made to like be in a
00:42:30.900
relationship some people have the goals of like having a family young or they're just naive in
00:42:35.140
this day they just get taken advantage off yeah there's a very very like fine line there's a very
00:42:41.380
very fine line between that i think because yeah there's a lot of just make a man their whole life
00:42:46.740
because it gives them validation because they don't love themselves yeah and when you don't love
00:42:51.540
yourself like i know it's cliche but like how can you expect someone to love you properly if you don't
00:42:54.980
love and respect yourself how would you expect them to love you yeah you need to set the tone for them
00:43:00.580
you know if you show them that you don't respect yourself and you don't love yourself then how
00:43:04.900
are they going to do how are they going to love you and respect you so how do you show them that
00:43:09.300
i just i always hear these terms with girls and i just it's always so broad don't give them too many
00:43:13.620
chances i think you know i mean you know like if someone yeah don't give them too many chances okay
00:43:19.300
do you think the 30-year marriage 20-year marriage the the longest marriage you know you think the woman's
00:43:25.940
mentality was don't give him too many chances no no i'm just i'm talking about successful
00:43:31.620
outcomes so if we look at people with with good outcomes because we'd all agree long marriage is
00:43:36.580
better than no breaking up right yeah yeah okay but i'm talking i'm talking about like the dating
00:43:42.340
like when you're dating before you get into it because like i said i haven't actually been in a
00:43:45.540
proper relationship so i can only go with experience from dating something to say i know these girls think
00:43:49.780
some of you have been in relationships or no no but like i i haven't so yeah but i feel like you
00:43:55.940
have to make sure what was the question again do you think that do you think that the mentality of
00:44:02.100
cut a guy off quick it was good for a long-term relationship don't give him too many no if he's
00:44:07.220
cheating then yeah you've got it because he will most likely do it again why do we why do we always go to
00:44:12.820
like the worst case scenario i think i think um because of females in the beginning i think if
00:44:18.900
someone like if you express that you don't like how someone's treating you and then they continue
00:44:24.100
to treat you like that and then you still take them back that's unhealthy that's not you not
00:44:28.580
respecting your boundaries because you don't like the way you're being treated but you're going to
00:44:31.460
stay there because you like him or you think that he likes you because he does nasty things to you and
00:44:37.300
then he might buy some flowers afterwards and be like oh i'm so sorry but then he does it again
00:44:41.220
like that's unhealthy do you know what i mean like space of experience that's not good but like if
00:44:47.300
you're in a long-term marriage or you're in a relationship and you have a few issues that you
00:44:51.060
don't you don't like agree on certain things those things can easily be resolved with good communication
00:44:57.620
yeah i mean i agree with you that you should cut people off that aren't married if you if you want
00:45:01.780
to be married that aren't marriage-minded quick but i think sometimes like as women we always jump to
00:45:07.220
like the worst case scenario it's either cheating or be i don't i only know this i've done this show
00:45:11.220
so many times yeah we have fantasies it's always cheating i'm starting to get better before i used
00:45:17.220
to always think of the worst case scenario but now i'm like i'm calming down a little bit didn't you
00:45:22.180
just say cheating no but no i'm taking notes as an example as an example as an example i think sometimes
00:45:27.380
you just got to go with the flow like yeah literally you do you can't think too much into it
00:45:32.100
obviously if you're not being treated right then obviously he's got to go but yeah 100 it's as
00:45:36.820
simple as that okay um can a person change and no longer be considered a toxic ex yes 100 i think
00:45:44.980
they can change when they look in words okay what do you think um no what you don't think people can
00:45:52.500
change no depending on how long you're trying to get them to change depending on how long you have
00:46:01.300
no but you know what it is a man or a woman anyone will only change when they're ready to change yeah
00:46:05.460
you can't ever force them force them to change because they're never they're never going to
00:46:08.980
change for you like if you stay with a man hoping that he will change he's not going to change for you
00:46:13.380
influence when he's ready it's got to be genuine as well it's got to be a genuine change yeah like it's
00:46:17.780
got a last yeah and don't forget like sometimes you know guys i'm sure go through stuff as well
00:46:22.980
like certain triggers might trigger them to like certain toxic toxic attributes to like you know
00:46:29.140
come back that aren't healthy so that needs to be taken into account as well when he makes that change
00:46:34.500
that has he completely like uh looked within himself that we keep saying and like what about her so
00:46:41.060
it's just interesting whenever i say toxic acts we always say man what about her
00:46:44.100
yeah but like a toxic girl you know because you said you knew a lot of toxic girls or you've seen
00:46:55.460
that situation toxic relationships and i've seen like toxic relationships where the woman is like
00:47:00.020
the aggressor or like the the toxic person and did she change um i don't know her well enough to know
00:47:05.860
that so i can't really speak on it but um yeah people some people change but you know what it is again
00:47:11.460
like self-reflection it is really hard to do when you have to look inwards and look at yourself and
00:47:15.700
your own flaws a lot of people would rather ignore that because ignorance is bliss someone in the
00:47:21.140
chat said people only change when the reality of their life convinces them to make a change
00:47:26.420
yeah that's true big big situations happen or something that would just it's so yeah yeah i mean
00:47:32.900
i feel like a lot of people have to hit rock bottom for them to realize okay i need to change this i need to
00:47:37.860
like that's true yeah one time i was dating a guy that my dad didn't like and um i said i said dad
00:47:46.740
do people change that was a couple years ago and he looks at me and he says yes they get worse over
00:47:53.380
time so any truth that you see any truth that you see now it's gonna be worse in 10 years so choose
00:48:00.500
carefully because it's not gonna get better no it's true though because it would just get under
00:48:06.340
your skin more word as the time goes on if you don't like something you're not vocal about it from
00:48:10.580
the beginning like it's gonna how do you expect it's gonna dwell on your mind yeah i feel like
00:48:15.620
that's how you get the ick i feel like you can't fix a person a person can only fix themselves and for
00:48:20.100
them to fix themselves they have to make countless mistakes in order for them to realize yo whoa what am i
00:48:24.660
doing that's it 100 i agree with that and that includes sorry sorry that includes going back to
00:48:30.420
the triggers you were talking about because without those triggers how would you know that you're
00:48:34.740
ready for change or you're ready to change you know okay i think a lot of people can like um
00:48:41.380
base their like toxicity off like a bad upbringing and stuff but you know what you get to a certain
00:48:46.500
age where you need to be held accountable for like your behaviors and stuff not necessarily
00:48:50.660
you can't blame it you can't blame it on your your childhood and stuff because at the end of the
00:48:54.820
day like you can see someone who's got like grown up with like alcoholic parents i actually saw a
00:49:00.580
post and it was like twins and they grew up in a household with like two alcoholic parents and one
00:49:06.260
of them became a complete alcoholic just like his parents and the other one fixed his whole life
00:49:10.340
had a successful business and stuff you know like if you've been given cards but it's just like
00:49:15.300
it depends what you want to do like you can either learn from that and be like okay i don't want to
00:49:18.180
be like that i'm going to make a change so i'm not that kind of person or you can just be like
00:49:22.740
oh i'm like that because my parents were like that i'm like this because i grew up in a bad
00:49:26.340
environment i think that's because of mindset as well don't you think that's because of mindset
00:49:31.620
why did you say now the reason why i said not necessarily was because like she just said
00:49:35.860
the first twin decided to be more of an alcoholic and the second twin decided to make a change of his
00:49:42.100
life and they are two different people what's through one person it's doing the same household
00:49:46.980
but as you just said mindset what depends on who you're around with yes it is a decision but at
00:49:52.820
the same time you can't do it by yourself you need people to help you 100 don't you get to choose the
00:49:58.980
people in your life yeah you do but at the same time over the age of 18 you guys have all come across
00:50:03.940
really bad i'm pretty sure you guys are walking across really bad people but you didn't end up being
00:50:07.700
like them you chose with them yeah but you're not them but at the same time you like realize like okay
00:50:13.220
i don't want to be like this so you're not going to associate yourself with people that again it's
00:50:17.140
like what you said having um boundaries yeah what you accept into your life and yeah 100
00:50:22.900
do you know what i mean the same way we don't have the same bodies the same way we don't have the same
00:50:26.100
mindset no 100 a mindset is something that you learn like over time yeah and everyone's way of learning
00:50:31.220
is different like the same way school isn't for everyone it's the same way the way you take education
00:50:34.900
differently yeah yeah so you can't be a person when they don't change their lives but at the same
00:50:39.780
time like you can't sit there and blame everything else for the way your life's turned out because
00:50:46.820
everyone has a sob story like everyone goes through yeah but it's like it's about how you it's about how
00:50:52.340
you deal with it you know if you don't want to be in that situation then you work towards getting
00:50:56.180
yourself out of that situation you know if you sit there and you sulk and you're like oh i'm in this
00:50:59.860
situation and you don't make no change like how do you expect to grow how do you expect you are
00:51:05.620
yeah exactly you have to become the change and take actions towards that change like thinking and
00:51:11.140
all of that is nothing without action you gotta continue consistently execute it that's really