Modern Women DONT UNDERSTAND This Options
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
199.00873
Summary
In this episode, I speak to my friend Amber who is celibate and has been for the past 2 years. We talk about her experience with celibacy and how it has affected her dating life and how she deals with it. We also talk about what it's like being a woman in her late 30s and early 40s in the modern dating world.
Transcript
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And anyone that comes to me the first thing I say is my name's Amber
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If you're trying to get my number because you think you're gonna fuck me
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Just know I'm celibate and I've been in this for two and a half years. So I'm happy to exchange numbers
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But if you think you're getting anything else out of me right now, I still don't think I'm ready to offer that to you
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So, you know celibacy for me was a massive thing. Do you think that's gonna make it difficult for you to find a partner?
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Saying that you're celibate because I think guys typically and I'm not looking for a part
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Okay, that was gonna be my next question. Do you do you want to be married? Do you want to like have a partner? Okay
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I don't know if that's not a priority and children are not for me
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Would you would you want like a long-term boyfriend or something?
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Um, I had long-term boyfriends in my 20s. I'm now in my late 30s
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Obviously, you know, there is no better feeling than being in love
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Mm-hmm that that is an emotion we cannot control and we don't know how we're gonna act
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You know the idea of being in love again. Yes, it would be nice. However, I'm in absolutely
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No hurry to get into that and when I feel like I'm ready and when I feel like I'm comfortable to let that run
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Then I'll let that run. So do you ever feel like?
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Like maybe you might run out of time at some point. No
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Do you do you feel like cuz 50% of a woman's options are gone by 30 if you're trying to have children?
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Yeah, no, no, it's just I'm on which men find you attractive typically and I'm just saying at some point like
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Men aren't that lining up to date 70 year old women, right?
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So so at some point time runs out. Yeah, we don't I don't I can't say what age that is and it differs like depending on the person
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Yeah, right, but like a lot of times what I've heard from guys is they'll come in and they're like, oh
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She's making me wait, but the last guy got it for free. Yeah, so it's frustrating
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I don't think that you should the whole making people wait thing
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I think if you feel it and you want it go for it
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Mm-hmm as simple as that like that's that's what chemistry is and if you have that in that immediate connection with someone and you want to
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Do things then do it. Why are you waiting? Okay. I didn't know if that's what you were doing like because you saw
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No, there's no waiting. It's more a case of right now. Nobody really jumps out
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So when I feel a connection then cool, I'm ready for it. But until that I'm not just kind of like I'm not waiting
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You know, we've had a pandemic, right? So and I like a lot of people had to move home
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So that kind of you know prolonged the situation, but yeah, well, it's just more like a lot of times
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Approach dating with a sense of urgency because I hear I hear that a lot with women like oh, I have time whatever but like
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Tomorrow comes and yeah, sometimes tomorrow isn't guaranteed. Yeah, so you have to choose to live your life
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I I think you choose to live your life in the moment
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I think it depends on the culture as well because it looks like in the uk
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We do things a bit differently but in america like
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The girls that I know i've got a lot of family in america. They're very strategic with how they date like they will date multiple guys
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Decipher which is the best one and then go for that. I think they've got it
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Well, the ones that I talk to they've got it. They've got some sort of like
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Regime that works and I think from what I understand here in the uk
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We still well some of us still have this mentality of let me date one person at one time and I think that
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So I think it's just some I think there might be cultural differences
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I think it's just things that we need to kind of because it's different everywhere all over the world
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90 percent of the women they're like they're such in a rush to sell down
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Yeah, to get married to have kids. I got a lot of girlfriends like in their 20s
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Married with kids and i'm like what why you're such in a rush is a cultural way that yeah
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So, I mean there is some sort of rally if you want four or five kids you only have so much time to do it
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Yeah, I mean like and 30 of women experience infertility issues
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So if you if you want kids like your 20s is your best bet
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Because there are some families where the women's their menopause are like mid 50s 60s
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Like is in her 50s. She still hasn't but and she had her last kid in her 40s
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But um, I think what i've heard is a lot of like the toxins and stuff are making women have fertility issues earlier
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And plus we've all been on birth control since we were like 16
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And so it's like with all of this stuff a lot more women are experiencing experiencing infertility issues
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But it's interesting you say all the women. Um, italy the average age of first marriage is 34
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That's that's lying. It could be it could be let me put women let me put women because that could maybe there's age gap and
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So it's I knew it was 31 in the uk. It's actually 27 in the us
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Italian men's are like the eternal peter pans. Yeah
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So they're gonna take ages to sell down because mommy's still gonna be there cooking for them
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And washing the laundry that's why women are like, okay
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I'll be your fiance for 10 years and when you're gonna be ready to leave your mommy then we're gonna get married
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That's why that then the average is is 32. Do you think maybe it could possibly be that the women aren't marriageable?
00:06:02.580
Because it's just interesting because whenever I talk to men and women like women are very quick to put it on the men
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Yeah, it's both sides you tell us both sides like women can be fucked up as men. It's the same way
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It's just that like if I need to think about cultural point of view. Yeah, you need to be like we got a lot
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Peter pans their children basically we have those in england
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I'm sure they're everywhere. Yeah, but it's like, you know
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It's this cultural way that you stay home with your parents and they leave
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Like they leave their house like late in their 30s
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While here in uk, I can see like especially in london a lot of people like young people
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I mean this kind of job and this and this and this
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You need to leave like oh really here. I feel like every person I meet like half the people
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Yeah, half the people I meet in their 20s live at home. Yeah, really?
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Yeah, I do think there's a bit of a divide though
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There are some who well, it really depends. It's some mixture
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But there are quite a lot of people that do live at home with them
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Would you say the same thing for a woman like she's not growing up if she's living at home?
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Yeah, um, yes, you're getting cuddled by most of the time. Yeah
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But it's just interesting because I would say by and large because women make less money
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There's probably more that live at home with their parents
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So it's it's funny that we put it on the men and we say they don't grow up because like, you know
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In italy women are waiting for that man to earn a certain amount of money
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That's so you're gonna provide for me. Yeah, you're gonna buy a house and you're gonna do this and this and this
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Otherwise my parents his mom until he gets the money. Sorry
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So he has to stay at home with his parents until he gets the money if you're expecting all of that. Yeah
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But most most girls can't get that because it's only like 20% of women get to stay home and be a housewife
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If less and most women aren't willing to do the age gap
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Which is like the best way if if you want to do that is to like date a guy in his 50s
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Really? Oh, yeah, like you're yeah, you're you're 20. You're 29. You want to you want to be a housewife tomorrow?
00:08:16.900
Yeah, but most so it's it's almost like I we have these high standards for men that a lot of them just can't
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Yeah, we still got the stereotype of a man that's gonna be the prince charming and that what or
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Disney yeah, Disney like saving you giving you that great life
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Every person as an individual you should provide for yourself a great life
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And then if you're gonna find a partner that's gonna suit your galaxy that is not gonna be your planet
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It's gonna suit your galaxy then great. You don't think it's okay to depend on a man
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No, I don't know. Wait, wait, really? So none of you think it's okay to depend on a man?
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I disagree. I don't mind depending on a man, but I think that's because of like
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So I'm from West Africa, Sierra Leone and like the way everything was done
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My parents came in the 80s the way everything was done. My dad did
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Nearly everything. The only thing I remember my mom paying for was like
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Yeah, the electric and she depended on him, but he didn't control her either
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So she went to work. She did whatever and they kind there was just a normal balance
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And I think that's quite no I don't know because you're both African as well
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I don't know what the setup is, but that's what I saw
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So I don't have an issue taking money from a man depending on a man
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It doesn't make me any less of a woman if anything
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I feel more in my femininity, but that's my own
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Do you feel like it's a like then if a man's taking care of all the bills?
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Do you feel like it's reasonable that he gets more control?
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Yeah, of course, I'm gonna be the leader of the ship
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Someone has to stare. I can't stare and he's staring and he's doing all the stuff
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So question you guys. Why did you say no? It's not okay to depend on a man
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I got divorced parents and I grew up with my mom being very independent and providing for us
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And she always like tell me do not let a man pay for your stuff
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Yeah, make sure that you're gonna have your job and everything's real because at the end of the day
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Something's gonna go wrong. You know how to be independent. You don't you're not gonna need anyone
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If i'll be in a relationship, I want to be independent in terms that if something is gonna like ended
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I was just banned on tick tock and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform
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