JustPearlyThings - Modern Women Lack ACCOUNTABILITY

00:00:00.000 Coming up next.

00:00:00.920 Maybe I've not been the perfect person.

00:00:03.620 Maybe some of the things I've done are my fault.

00:00:05.860 But that does not diminish my experience of the things that I have had happened to me.

00:00:10.600 You said you were young.

00:00:11.740 I was young.

00:00:12.540 You said you were abused.

00:00:13.640 I was abused.

00:00:14.700 You then called the police, right?

00:00:16.280 Because in my day, I called the police and nothing happened because they were saying it was a domestic.

00:00:20.420 And this is what I mean about modern people.

00:00:22.740 They always want you to be soft, soft, soft.

00:00:24.360 And when you're trying to find out what happens, they always want to blame the men.

00:00:27.520 I'm not blaming men.

00:00:28.400 Because you're not letting me finish saying what I'm saying.

00:00:30.360 You were there working illegally.

00:00:32.000 Girls, come on the show. 1.00

00:00:33.320 And it's the same story.

00:00:34.460 Oh, he abused me.

00:00:35.780 And they're always with him for multiple years.

00:00:37.820 It's never just one year.

00:00:38.760 Like the first time I got hit, I left.

00:00:40.200 It's always multiple years.

00:00:41.300 You can have your reasons for doing that.

00:00:42.860 But to me, if someone's hitting me in the face.

00:00:44.400 I'm out.

00:00:44.960 I'm getting the fuck out of there.

00:00:46.100 And I'm calling the police.

00:00:47.060 That's just me.

00:00:48.400 Okay, what's the date on?

00:00:49.260 It's okay if I disagree about something right now.

00:00:51.340 Uh-oh.

00:00:51.700 I feel like everyone's sort of agreeing with a lot of things.

00:00:53.740 Go ahead, mama. 0.99

00:00:54.280 I think you're mine.

00:00:54.840 And I feel like I need to disagree about some, a few things, actually.

00:00:58.720 A few things on that list, actually.

00:00:59.820 Okay, go ahead, go ahead.

00:01:00.380 I'd personally remove.

00:01:01.920 I don't know exactly what, but one stood out to me.

00:01:04.840 Now, I've had a few exes.

00:01:07.140 A lot of the exes I've had have been very, very nice men.

00:01:11.140 I, I'd say recently, I'd say about in October, I got out of a relationship and I was with

00:01:17.320 this guy for a year and this guy was genuinely abusive.

00:01:22.700 Does that mean I cannot use the term that I had an abusive ex?

00:01:26.240 Does that mean that I, like, should diminish my sort of feelings because of that?

00:01:31.360 Because genuinely, I had to go through, like, victim support and things like that.

00:01:34.660 I had to put things in place for my safety.

00:01:37.620 So, as a woman, do you think that I should not use that?

00:01:40.320 Because I know you are laughing and joking and not about, like, narcissism and this, like

00:01:43.300 the other.

00:01:43.940 Obviously, I know there's only a small percentage of men that are actually narcissistic.

00:01:47.340 And I think people that ruin it is the women that throw these words out. 1.00

00:01:51.840 Like, for example, women that lie about getting raped or women that lie about getting, like, 0.74

00:01:56.840 sexually assaulted.

00:01:57.780 They ruin it.

00:01:58.720 SA.

00:01:59.020 Sorry, SA.

00:01:59.680 They ruin it for the actual women that have been victim. 0.78

00:02:03.760 And I know, again, I'm one of those people that believe in accountability.

00:02:07.720 I genuinely believe that you should take accountability for the things that have happened to you and

00:02:12.880 you should fix yourself.

00:02:14.860 But I just don't think it's fair to say that you have, you should diminish your own experience

00:02:20.900 because other women want to throw out the words or the phrases. 1.00

00:02:25.880 And, again, it sort of brings it down to yourself.

00:02:32.560 Thank you.

00:02:33.420 It sort of just brings it down to the fact that it makes you feel a bit worse about it sort of thing.

00:02:39.740 Because, again, I've been through things.

00:02:42.060 And, again, I can say maybe I've not been the perfect person.

00:02:45.600 Maybe some of the things I've done are my fault.

00:02:47.800 But that does not diminish my experience of the things that I have had happened to me.

00:02:52.760 Can I just say?

00:02:53.900 Yeah, no.

00:02:54.280 From a woman that's, I'm going to speak on a woman that's been abused.

00:02:57.220 Right, in my day, you call the police, nothing happened.

00:02:59.060 In your day, you've got all the things out there.

00:03:00.700 You've got victim support.

00:03:01.540 I never had it.

00:03:02.240 So why are you staying in it?

00:03:03.380 I've got no sympathy for people nowadays.

00:03:05.560 I went through shit.

00:03:06.660 So you went through an abusive relationship.

00:03:09.040 You know what?

00:03:09.360 I don't give a shit.

00:03:10.780 If a man was going through a relationship, the women wouldn't give a shit. 1.00

00:03:13.740 I've got groomed from the age of 17 to 21 years old by a 29-year-old man.

00:03:18.520 I can say the same thing.

00:03:19.340 You can say the same thing.

00:03:20.360 But the thing is...

00:03:21.000 I've got a child out of it.

00:03:21.860 You've got a child?

00:03:22.520 No.

00:03:22.820 Have you got a child?

00:03:23.340 I'm 21.

00:03:24.300 I don't have a child.

00:03:25.160 No, I don't have a child.

00:03:25.720 I had a child at 18.

00:03:27.040 All right.

00:03:27.540 Good for you.

00:03:28.020 You call the police.

00:03:28.820 If you call the police, what happens to you?

00:03:30.300 Nothing.

00:03:30.740 Because the police don't want to do shit.

00:03:32.860 They want to take my man's phone because my man's...

00:03:34.840 As far as I'm concerned, you're in an abusive relationship.

00:03:38.120 The door's there.

00:03:38.700 How's it not sympathy, though?

00:03:40.060 How's it not sympathy?

00:03:40.860 You can walk out.

00:03:42.000 Well, that seems like a new problem, man.

00:03:43.700 Nowadays, they've got everything there for you.

00:03:45.500 You can walk out.

00:03:46.340 But do you not understand?

00:03:47.040 People can genuinely fucking manipulate you as somebody that's not grown up with the best fucking...

00:03:53.000 So you learn from that?

00:03:54.280 No, I'm learning.

00:03:55.220 And again, I'm healing.

00:03:56.220 I'm learning.

00:03:56.500 That's what they're talking about.

00:03:57.100 Accountability.

00:03:57.800 I know.

00:03:58.280 And again, I'm taking accountability.

00:04:00.080 But as somebody that's not grown up...

00:04:01.860 You were young, right?

00:04:02.980 As someone that's not grown up with the best role models, sorry, it's hard for you to just click on immediately.

00:04:08.640 What were your role models?

00:04:09.540 What do you mean in specific?

00:04:13.100 All I'm going to say is that you said you were young.

00:04:15.140 I was young.

00:04:15.940 You said you were abused.

00:04:17.040 I was abused.

00:04:18.100 You didn't call the police, right?

00:04:19.660 Because in my day, I called the police and nothing happened because they were saying it was a domestic.

00:04:24.300 Right?

00:04:24.520 So we're here talking about stuff and you're going to go against everything.

00:04:28.000 I'm not going against everything.

00:04:29.100 But what you're saying is that these things happen.

00:04:31.660 No, no, no, no.

00:04:32.120 Okay.

00:04:32.380 Pearl's just brought up a list of words that women should not use. 1.00

00:04:36.220 Nobody is saying that you cannot use those lists.

00:04:38.540 No, but you can use the words.

00:04:40.500 Don't stick on them.

00:04:41.860 No, I'm not saying stick on them again.

00:04:43.380 You can't always use and you've come up and you're using the same thing again.

00:04:47.800 To reiterate my point, I clearly said to you, I am a woman that believes in taking accountability.

00:04:53.160 I'm a woman that's healing.

00:04:54.360 I am a 21-year-old girl.

00:04:55.980 I'm not necessarily as matured as you lot or I'm not necessarily as experienced as you lot.

00:05:00.940 If you're not a girl, you're a grown woman.

00:05:02.620 If you've had sex and you've had relationships, don't use the word girl because you will say it. 1.00

00:05:07.360 And I don't mean this to put you down.

00:05:08.760 Listen, my mother was raped at 14 with a weapon to her.

00:05:19.760 Her mother, she was raised in Section 8.

00:05:22.180 I don't know if you have that over here.

00:05:23.600 Welfare.

00:05:24.480 Okay?

00:05:25.260 She had no father at home.

00:05:26.140 She didn't meet her father until she was pregnant with me at 30 at his funeral when he was in the cast.

00:05:31.680 Everything you talk about, people have went through worse.

00:05:34.880 And it's not to diminish what you've gone through.

00:05:37.940 What you've gone through is a learning lesson for you to do better.

00:05:43.060 Like my mother then went on and did better than her family through horrible circumstances.

00:05:48.240 Who took her in were nuns, Catholic nuns, when her mother kicked her out from being assaulted at 14 and pregnant.

00:05:56.620 That's how I have my oldest sister.

00:05:58.040 So what I'm saying to you, what you went through, use it as a learning lesson.

00:06:05.540 Use it to fuel who you want to be in the future and realize the world has no sympathy for any of us.

00:06:13.920 The only person who cares about us the most is yourself.

00:06:18.280 And you use that as a learning lesson to never let someone manipulate you.

00:06:23.000 This is the issue that we have.

00:06:24.340 A lot of times women will say, I was a victim of this and you were. 0.71

00:06:29.660 Okay?

00:06:30.480 It's not, nobody doesn't believe you or anything like that.

00:06:33.760 Absolutely.

00:06:34.360 We know the trauma.

00:06:35.920 And even there's psychological, I would say, things that someone can do to you that can break you down.

00:06:43.880 We even talk about Stockholm Syndrome and all these things are very real in psychology.

00:06:47.860 But what you have to say now is say, out of all that Liz, she said, you have to say, you know, how can I now learn that lesson so that I no longer can be a victim to such a monster?

00:07:03.740 I don't say.

00:07:04.600 And you have to say, take accountability and say, how am I choosing?

00:07:10.840 Do I have, am I purposely choosing women in my life to guide me?

00:07:16.460 Am I coming under discipline and leadership?

00:07:18.600 Have I made changes?

00:07:20.440 Are there, were there people in my life that said, this is not a good guy, but I still chose to be with this person?

00:07:27.200 Or I saw the red flags and it's not to point blame.

00:07:30.440 We all make mistakes.

00:07:31.920 Every single person in this room has not lived a perfect life.

00:07:36.520 So it's not about saying that you, it was somehow your fault.

00:07:42.800 You're very young.

00:07:44.740 But now what happens is a lot of you guys are very young, but the world now sees you, you use the word girl.

00:07:51.200 And the reason why I said you're a woman is that now the world is going to hold you accountable as a woman. 1.00

00:07:55.860 And you're going to be a mother.

00:07:57.700 You're going to be somebody's grandmother. 0.63

00:08:00.160 You're going to be, everything you've gone through is a lesson.

00:08:04.760 And so what you want to do for your life now is take what has happened, digest it.

00:08:10.600 And accountability looks like this.

00:08:13.280 Why did I choose that?

00:08:14.720 What did my family of origin not give me?

00:08:17.660 After that situation, have I sought out the counseling, the help that I need?

00:08:23.220 Am I surrounding myself with people that, you know, that I can learn from so that I can do better?

00:08:30.180 What I find a lot of times is a lot of times we'll be victimized and we'll go through things and then we'll wall out.

00:08:36.020 We'll go off because emotionally we don't know how to deal with the situation.

00:08:42.300 And I think what the point is, is nobody here wants you to be a victim ever again.

00:08:49.260 We want you to have strength and we want your daughters, we want your family, we want you to have a husband.

00:08:54.300 We want you to be taken care of.

00:08:56.380 We want you to be loved on in a way that you may not have experienced.

00:09:01.020 But in order to get that, you know what happens to a lot of women who have been through that situation? 1.00

00:09:06.460 You continue to attract that same man.

00:09:09.980 So unless you pause on dating, pause, you're very young, you don't even need to date right now.

00:09:16.160 And do the internal work, reading books.

00:09:18.520 How many books on relationships have you read?

00:09:20.400 How many things have you done to work on your healing through therapy?

00:09:25.340 If you can't afford therapy, I think in the UK this stuff is free.

00:09:28.540 In the US there's a struggle bus.

00:09:30.460 But, you know, because we have to pay for everything.

00:09:32.840 But, like, have you explored every avenue?

00:09:36.520 Because you say, you know what, I have to care about me more than anyone else and I can never allow another person.

00:09:43.180 So when it happened to my mother, what she did is those nuns took her in.

00:09:46.900 She had no one.

00:09:47.580 And I won't go into details of how horrific it was.

00:09:52.160 But imagine being violated as that as a child and being pregnant.

00:09:55.860 And then your own mother, who was for the streets, had children by different men, competed against you for different men, did not believe you, and didn't want another mouth to feed.

00:10:08.280 And kicked you out in that situation.

00:10:10.500 She just tried to find what she could.

00:10:13.860 And those nuns helped her.

00:10:15.380 She got her GED in the US.

00:10:16.820 That's like your high school diploma.

00:10:18.840 And then she said she didn't talk to her family for seven years.

00:10:21.660 She said, I'm going to do better than all of them.

00:10:23.900 She joined the military in the US, became ROTC.

00:10:27.300 She went to college, graduated.

00:10:28.660 I grew up in the Pentagon under Colin Powell and people in the US.

00:10:32.220 You guys may not know who these people are.

00:10:34.100 But I interned at the White House and she raised me in private school.

00:10:37.780 She got married, my father, and had me.

00:10:40.680 And it was a lot going on.

00:10:42.800 So I only want to say this to you.

00:10:44.900 Pearl is not bringing this up to re-victimize you.

00:10:48.660 Because it's very serious.

00:10:50.120 But don't take it as a criticism.

00:10:52.880 But if we don't say it to you, a lot of times you will still be attracted to whatever energy.

00:10:59.700 And I believe in spirituality.

00:11:02.160 Whatever spirit you are attracted to, you will continue to attract it unless you say,

00:11:07.620 you know what, what was in me that I saw red flags in this man and I stayed.

00:11:12.880 And how can I heal and grow from this so I can do better and get better?

00:11:17.240 Nobody's putting you down.

00:11:19.060 We want you to heal.

00:11:20.460 And I want you to understand that, that we understand and we absolutely do not blame you.

00:11:26.940 You're very young.

00:11:27.760 But I can see you going far if you can take the accountability and heal and make better choices in men.

00:11:34.800 Because they don't deserve you.

00:11:37.220 A demon like that who would abuse you does not deserve you.

00:11:40.280 And we don't want you to be attracted to that same spirit again.

00:11:43.260 I think you're right in saying that.

00:11:44.640 Because, again, I know I just went a bit berserk about the words.

00:11:48.280 But I think you're right in saying what you do say manifests in itself.

00:11:52.560 So, like, if I am saying these sort of words, then, again, it can happen again.

00:11:58.060 And so I think, like you said, I'm attracting that sort of energy.

00:12:01.680 But, yeah, I really appreciate what you just said.

00:12:05.520 And I definitely do agree with it.

00:12:08.820 I just think sometimes people can be a bit harsh in the way that they sort of say things.

00:12:13.020 Have you sought counselling?

00:12:13.720 I'm sorry for being so straightforward, but that's where I am.

00:12:16.320 I'll not apologise.

00:12:17.140 No, no, you're fine.

00:12:18.580 Have you sought counselling?

00:12:20.060 Yeah, currently still.

00:12:21.760 How long have you been going?

00:12:24.140 About two months.

00:12:25.380 I don't know.

00:12:25.880 Is it a male or female therapist?

00:12:27.580 Female.

00:12:28.440 Female.

00:12:28.700 And I just tend not to really, like, I speak about it, but I just don't really think it's helping.

00:12:35.080 Can I tell you, the men in the space, like MTR, and there's other men in the space.

00:12:40.620 This is one thing.

00:12:41.280 Kevin Samuels was a good friend of mine.

00:12:43.120 And a lot of women were upset with him because he would speak harshly.

00:12:48.480 But one of the things that he understood is a lot of women had no leadership and guidance and direction. 0.54

00:12:53.120 They were lied to their entire lives.

00:12:55.960 They were being victimized by men in a very harsh way.

00:13:00.220 He was very harsh with men.

00:13:01.700 In fact, this just went viral.

00:13:03.440 Women are just discovering how he went crazy on men, like way harder than women. 0.64

00:13:09.400 And one of the things he said was that, like, no one's talking to them.

00:13:14.880 People are just allowing our women to be victimized and telling them what they want to hear. 1.00

00:13:21.960 So one of the things I would advise you to do is to listen to men like MTR.

00:13:26.780 There's a lot of men in the space that if you actually listen to them befriended men in that space, they would give you protection.

00:13:35.420 And especially if you come with a humble spirit and you're listening and you would learn from them how men think.

00:13:40.900 And you would start to see, wait, I've seen a man like MTR who is talking about high achieving and this, that, and the other and what the expectations are.

00:13:50.880 And you would start to see when a guy comes across you again who's, like, basic and you could start to see those red flags because you're just like, I've seen other men who are not this way, who are, you know, who are different, who speak different.

00:14:05.120 Or you may not have been exposed to it.

00:14:06.940 So if a man comes with you with the same red flag energy that could victimize you, you'll know better. 0.95

00:14:12.720 You won't even be attracted to anymore because you have that exposure.

00:14:16.700 And if you befriend these men, instead of making, a lot of women make them their enemy, but a lot of these men will love you and give you advice and entreat you with respect.

00:14:29.260 And if you brought a man in their direction and asked them advice, they would be happy to tell you the truth about that man.

00:14:36.600 But this is the thing.

00:14:37.500 A lot of women will hear the truth. 1.00

00:14:39.100 We will notice those red flags from our family and friends, or we know in our spirit, but we're attracted to something, but we're not willing to step away.

00:14:48.420 There's a little bit of rebellion in us if we're honest.

00:14:51.220 We want what we want.

00:14:52.480 I'm grown.

00:14:53.280 I'm going to make my own choice.

00:14:54.920 But as you grow and as you get older, these are things that are going to be important because you're going to tell your daughters or your children the same thing.

00:15:02.340 Or you may raise your sons to never victimize a woman.

00:15:05.300 You've got to know what that looks like.

00:15:09.100 I was going to say something, but it's just absolutely gone out of my head.

00:15:15.240 I just feel like me personally, I've been disadvantaged a bit growing up because I've never really felt like I have been protected by a man.

00:15:22.740 Again, I'm not trying to...

00:15:24.080 Do you not have a father for you?

00:15:26.700 I do, but he's just very distant.

00:15:30.940 I've never really had...

00:15:33.000 Did he not grow up with you separate?

00:15:34.780 So I lived with him in a split family from probably about 10 years old.

00:15:41.960 But he came from Sierra Leone and he didn't speak very well English.

00:15:47.240 You don't know much about the Western culture and whatnot.

00:15:49.700 He was just very, again, emotionally distant.

00:15:52.520 He was a bit strict, but he never really taught me core values or what to see in a man.

00:15:57.080 He was a little bit abusive as well, which is, I think, one of the reasons why I don't...

00:16:01.380 I wouldn't say I seek abusive men, but originally, now I've started looking into it, I spot the signs.

00:16:08.060 But originally, I'd be around either emotionally unavailable men or men that are abusive.

00:16:16.720 So I feel like I had a bit of disadvantage at that point.

00:16:19.840 Like you were saying earlier, like with the whole, when you grow up, being brought up to be a housewife.

00:16:26.200 I'd never really got that.

00:16:27.760 So I feel like I've been disadvantaged in that sense.

00:16:30.700 But it's something that I'm currently working on and something that, like...

00:16:34.900 Obviously, I'm currently healing myself before I get into another relationship

00:16:37.380 because I don't want to hurt myself again with a man that I feel does not deserve me.

00:16:42.460 But again, I just feel, like I said earlier, a bit disadvantaged in that sense.

00:16:48.780 But it's something that I need to...

00:16:50.760 And you said you were...

00:16:51.960 And you don't have to talk about this if you don't want to.

00:16:54.300 So feel free to not answer any of this.

00:16:56.340 But you said you were 17.

00:16:59.400 How did you meet him?

00:17:01.060 Through work.

00:17:02.000 Through work.

00:17:02.900 And did he know you before that?

00:17:05.520 Yeah.

00:17:06.520 From what age?

00:17:08.180 Like 15.

00:17:09.260 Oh, wow.

00:17:10.460 Yeah.

00:17:10.680 Was he, like, a boss or something?

00:17:13.280 No, he just worked up my work.

00:17:16.600 MT, are you on decision?

00:17:17.520 Yeah.

00:17:18.200 This is the type of conversation that I typically...

00:17:21.100 I think it's very important for the women to talk to the women regarding this conversation. 1.00

00:17:26.040 I kind of feel like out of place and out of turn in order to enter information.

00:17:29.340 But let me give you, from my perspective, something that I tell the men on my channel is that

00:17:32.640 when you're vetting a young woman,

00:17:36.620 one of the first places that you should look at is the relationship between her father.

00:17:40.680 And you mentioned that you said that your father was abusive.

00:17:44.360 And one thing that we actually learned in the conversation earlier today is like, like attracts like.

00:17:50.960 And if your father was abusive, you are more likely to attract abuse going into the future.

00:17:57.480 And I think that it ranged true even within this conversation.

00:18:01.400 I think there was a lot of points that were made on both sides of the coin from both Melanie and Auntie Jenny that I think you should replay this video back.

00:18:11.660 But at the end of the day, you have to be responsible for you.

00:18:16.920 And what you don't want to do is be a victim into your singleness.

00:18:21.200 Yeah.

00:18:22.280 Into your lonely forever.

00:18:24.080 And can I say this?

00:18:25.380 You know, it's a failure of us as older women that we should be, you know, being able to mentor young women who have gone through these things and being able to be a voice.

00:18:37.480 So many older women are competing. 1.00

00:18:40.320 They're taking the same thirst trapping photos and still doing the most, only care about themselves.

00:18:45.240 They don't care about their children.

00:18:46.980 They're looking for what's best for them.

00:18:49.360 But I think I'm 41.

00:18:50.860 You're 21.

00:18:51.520 We're 20 years apart.

00:18:52.420 And I was blessed where my sister and cousin flew out with me like on a dime because our father, you know, our families raised us where they have money.

00:19:02.480 We were able to do what we want.

00:19:04.920 We're black Americans, which is very rare.

00:19:07.820 Like I was like, hey, I got to follow up for business.

00:19:09.620 Y'all want to go?

00:19:10.200 Hey, girl, let's go. 1.00

00:19:11.460 Like my sister bought a travel agency just so we could travel and like get discounts.

00:19:15.640 Like we're in those positions.

00:19:16.960 And I say my sister is one of the people who's mentored me, like just talking to her, but my family in general.

00:19:23.280 And I think, you know, if you want to hit me up and this is how I was raised because my parents did a lot of church ministry and things.

00:19:30.900 But if you want to hit up and you want to talk to an older woman who's not like, I'm not your mother. 0.97

00:19:37.120 I'm not going to, you know, but if you want to, you know, you know, just, you know, like, hey, can I, I don't know certain things.

00:19:46.360 And I think that we as older women have failed this generation of women, the younger women.

00:19:52.500 And, and we take, I take accountability for that.

00:19:56.760 Not, you know, me specifically that I've done it, but in general, and even your mother allowing you to be raised by a man who victimized you and did not raise you, you know, in the way that you should go.

00:20:08.420 But you can change that and you can have a great outcome.

00:20:11.540 Don't let this define you.

00:20:12.980 Let it be just a lesson to make greater, you know, it's a pain always leaves a gift.

00:20:20.900 Auntie's been holding up her hand.

00:20:22.440 I'm trying to be good.

00:20:23.540 This because you're here, right?

00:20:25.100 This because you're here.

00:20:26.360 That's why I'm holding up my hand.

00:20:27.540 I'm not biting now.

00:20:28.180 You can go off, Auntie.

00:20:29.020 Go ahead.

00:20:29.980 No, um, um, Melanie, um, as older woman, and I'm older than you, the young people don't want to listen.

00:20:41.960 We're old school.

00:20:43.220 I agree.

00:20:43.680 So I'm sorry about, I don't take that.

00:20:45.680 I understand what you're saying.

00:20:46.760 And from your point of view, I agree.

00:20:48.360 I'm tired of talking to young people because they don't want to listen. 1.00

00:20:51.060 So I'm not going to nice it up.

00:20:53.000 Pearl knows.

00:20:53.980 If Pearl wants advice and she can't get hold of her mother, Pearl will phone me.

00:20:57.520 I ain't going to nice it up for Pearl.

00:20:58.800 I will tell her straight, that's true, Pearl?

00:21:01.320 I will tell Pearl.

00:21:02.160 Two o'clock in the morning, I'm going to tell her like it is.

00:21:04.900 I don't give a damn how she takes it.

00:21:06.960 You ask me a question.

00:21:08.200 I'm going to give you an answer.

00:21:09.900 I don't want to go around and I've been talking to young people. 1.00

00:21:13.440 I've been Auntie Jenny now for 37 years.

00:21:17.000 I've been Auntie Jenny.

00:21:18.160 Auntie Jenny is not a new thing.

00:21:20.280 I've got the young people now coming and telling me, oh, you know what you told them on your podcast?

00:21:24.840 You told me that when I was young.

00:21:26.300 Yeah, I did.

00:21:27.100 And you know what?

00:21:27.560 I've got to the point now where, cut the crap.

00:21:29.980 You're going out there, you're adults.

00:21:32.220 Things have changed now.

00:21:33.500 Things have moved on so much.

00:21:34.880 You're on Instagram.

00:21:35.920 You're on TikTok.

00:21:36.760 You're on this.

00:21:37.460 You're on that.

00:21:38.160 You've got your own job.

00:21:38.920 You're making your money.

00:21:39.840 And I'm supposed to feel sorry because you've had a bad life?

00:21:42.220 I've had a bad life.

00:21:43.800 You know?

00:21:44.280 If it was a man, they would say, man up.

00:21:46.820 Now, woman up. 1.00

00:21:48.180 I don't give a toss about what you're going through because you know that you're in the UK now.

00:21:53.800 There's free therapy.

00:21:54.880 I've had it.

00:21:56.220 The first one didn't work.

00:21:57.340 I had a second one.

00:21:57.940 I had a third one.

00:21:58.580 I tried all different kinds until it worked.

00:22:00.680 So that's why I've got to the point where I am where I don't want to hear no excuses for the UK because in the UK, they lay down.

00:22:07.720 They will lie down backwards to help you.

00:22:11.020 You want therapy?

00:22:12.220 It's there.

00:22:12.700 Whatever kind you want, it's there.

00:22:14.400 You're ill, it's there.

00:22:15.440 Everything is free in the UK.

00:22:17.180 Hey, education, everything is free.

00:22:19.700 So I can understand what you're saying from an American point of view.

00:22:22.720 But from England, I'm taking no excuses.

00:22:25.400 I'm tired of talking to young people because they will look at me and they will say, ah, this is what I've been told. 1.00

00:22:30.200 It's changed now.

00:22:31.340 You're old school.

00:22:32.300 Things are different.

00:22:33.000 But you know what?

00:22:33.620 You think things are different.

00:22:35.000 But deep inside, the body, the foundation of life is still there.

00:22:40.260 It's been going on and on and on.

00:22:41.680 So I'm tired of talking to young people in a way that, oh, yeah, let me be nice.

00:22:47.140 Yeah.

00:22:47.400 Let me soothe it for you.

00:22:48.940 No.

00:22:49.340 If it was a man, if a man comes to you and they say, oh, I'm feeling a bit depressed.

00:22:53.240 You say, come on.

00:22:54.860 Man up.

00:22:55.720 Man up.

00:22:56.220 So I've got to the point where if it's good enough for the goose, it's good enough for the gander.

00:23:00.220 I've taken no prisoners, no excuses.

00:23:02.660 If a man can man up, a woman can man up. 1.00

00:23:04.980 It's there for you.

00:23:06.260 So I ain't got no excuses.

00:23:07.320 You know why?

00:23:07.760 Because I'm the exception.

00:23:09.260 There's nothing that she ain't been through that I ain't been through 10 times worse.

00:23:12.400 She was lucky.

00:23:13.640 She come out of it without a child.

00:23:15.220 I come out of it 17 years old with a child.

00:23:18.000 And you know what?

00:23:18.700 One child I've still got, 37 years old.

00:23:21.160 And you know what?

00:23:22.320 Everybody looked down at me.

00:23:23.380 I didn't take no excuses.

00:23:24.600 I was in an abusive relationship when I had my son.

00:23:27.840 I got out of it less than a year.

00:23:29.360 I got out of it with a child.

00:23:31.220 I was on contraception because I'm an exception to every rule. 0.55

00:23:33.720 So if I can do it, I'm putting up a note.

00:23:35.720 You ask me for advice.

00:23:36.640 I'm going to give it to you.

00:23:37.620 If you don't like it, piss off.

00:23:39.400 No, and I.

00:23:40.100 That's my view.

00:23:40.960 Your frustration right now is because of the rebellion.

00:23:43.600 No, it's the rebellion.

00:23:45.220 I'm just annoyed at the fact that we're going over the same things over and over and over and over and over again,

00:23:50.320 trying to make it nice for the young modern women. 0.98

00:23:53.660 Life ain't nice.

00:23:55.360 Life ain't nice.

00:23:56.460 Life is character building.

00:23:57.900 Whatever happens to you, spin it on its head and make it build you, make you a stronger person.

00:24:03.180 There's help out there.

00:24:03.940 Go and get it.

00:24:04.620 Everywhere you go.

00:24:05.700 In England now, you watch a soap in England.

00:24:08.780 They had a soap the other day about men because they now decide that men's mental health matters.

00:24:12.600 At the end of every soap and every English person will tell you there's a phone number.

00:24:17.080 If this has affected you or you have something similar, phone this number, you will get help.

00:24:22.520 That is in England.

00:24:23.580 So because all the help is out there, I don't want to hear it.

00:24:25.880 It's bullshit.

00:24:26.420 No, instead they want to watch the Kardashians and Bad Girls Club and they digest toxicity.

00:24:33.300 And one of the things I would say, Aunt Jenny, you're correct, because one of the things I

00:24:37.240 would say, and you guys have got to understand her perspective and don't take it as though

00:24:41.840 she's been harsh or whatever, like we live in a very soft generation.

00:24:47.740 Like if you, I don't know how it was, I do know how it was in the U.K., but if you understand what

00:24:51.980 people went through in the U.S., I always bring up Meghan Markle compared to Ruby Bridges. 1.00

00:24:57.180 Meghan Markle, they're going into a worldwide privacy tour complaining.

00:25:00.900 I lived in a castle.

00:25:02.400 My brother got the biggest size of the room and all this other stuff.

00:25:05.700 I came, my first time in the U.K. was to go to that wedding because I was proud of the situation

00:25:11.280 and I thought it was something great.

00:25:13.100 But as I started to see the complaining, I said, Ruby Bridges in the U.S., there was 0.97

00:25:17.760 segregation between black and white people in school.

00:25:20.720 Ruby Bridges was a seven-year-old little girl.

00:25:22.940 She was the first black girl to ever go into a white school in the entire U.S.

00:25:27.120 If you look back at the documentaries, what she went through, black people, particularly 0.92

00:25:30.880 in the U.S., during segregation, she stood what we call 10 toes down harder than Meghan Markle 1.00

00:25:37.300 because some press didn't like her.

00:25:38.640 There was a little girl who stood harder, and you've never heard Ruby Bridges say a word.

00:25:43.520 Okay?

00:25:43.840 Rosa Parks, you know, people who went through real oppression.

00:25:47.540 But it can be the victim Olympics.

00:25:49.980 Every person, everything that you went through, somebody went through a thousand times worse

00:25:55.300 if you look through history.

00:25:57.040 But this is the thing.

00:25:58.500 This is the thing.

00:25:59.440 It is a failure right now because many of us, we're so much into our feelings, my truth,

00:26:05.180 what is about me.

00:26:06.600 It is such a self-indulgent culture.

00:26:09.000 We don't care about the family.

00:26:10.500 It's about me, my body, my choice.

00:26:13.180 So you can't say my body, my choice, but yet I was victimized by a man.

00:26:17.700 So, like, is it you want sympathy to say, well, I was victimized, but, hey, it was your body,

00:26:23.220 your choice.

00:26:23.640 So there are these opposing things.

00:26:26.120 The only thing I say is that if we can come to—I feel like not everyone's going to change.

00:26:35.220 I go with the 10%. 0.97

00:26:36.700 I go with there are people who will stay hard-headed, stay in rebellion, stay in pride, and want

00:26:42.720 what they want, lust, greed, and whatever, and you're going to get the results of that.

00:26:46.500 But if I can—if what you just said, what I said, the combination of these things, if

00:26:51.460 we can, like, talk to these young women and say, I understand, let me, like, maybe mentor

00:26:58.080 you.

00:26:58.560 I still think there's a responsibility of us as older women to mentor.

00:27:01.940 Now, if you have a mentee that's hard-headed and will still want to run the streets, still

00:27:06.520 making the same choice, you got to go.

00:27:08.320 You're going to face those consequences.

00:27:09.880 I don't hear.

00:27:10.420 But I will tell you, there are women like my mother who—it wasn't her choice.

00:27:14.240 It wasn't her fault.

00:27:15.160 She made a choice.

00:27:16.460 She decided to change.

00:27:17.600 She listened to these nuns after she was thrown out.

00:27:20.240 If you continue to be hard-headed, you have to understand life is going to throw you horrific

00:27:27.520 consequences.

00:27:28.300 If you don't listen to a woman like Aunt Jenny, you think she's just popping off and 0.79

00:27:31.620 she don't understand.

00:27:32.740 If you don't take the time to understand, you want to be—you want direction.

00:27:36.620 You don't let her guide you because you don't like the tone.

00:27:39.520 This is what Kevin Samuels—he was a friend of mine.

00:27:41.620 They didn't like his tone.

00:27:42.540 But now all of a sudden they do because they realize they're not getting the results.

00:27:45.720 And the same thing that you're saying, they don't like your tone, but you're fed up because

00:27:50.020 you'll give them—you've given the soft tone.

00:27:52.420 You've tried everything, and they don't want to listen.

00:27:54.920 So y'all have to understand there's two sides to this coin.

00:27:58.600 And I just said where my frustrations come from.

00:28:00.680 Like you're going about going back to history.

00:28:03.240 I was 12 years old and I come to England.

00:28:05.380 I was English-born, went to Barbados, come back, and I was told, go back to the jungle.

00:28:08.960 You know, so it all happened.

00:28:11.260 I was 12 years old.

00:28:12.900 And what I don't—what I feel Pearl can say, Pearl knows, some of the women that come on this show 1.00

00:28:19.640 and I blast them, I give them my personal number to say, well, you know, if you want to change, help me.

00:28:26.580 And then I've got the men on Instagram that I mentor on Instagram.

00:28:31.240 Who do you think calls me up regular?

00:28:32.740 The men.

00:28:33.360 I have never had a woman.

00:28:34.920 100%.

00:28:35.100 I have never had a—I've had an 18-year-old girl with four—

00:28:38.160 My therapy practice is men.

00:28:39.080 That said before men, I gave them my number. 0.63

00:28:41.480 I've had numerous people on this show, women, young girls, under 21, that I've tried to help.

00:28:47.840 And do they take it now because she's old school? 0.92

00:28:49.980 But yet the men, the men that I talk to, or the men that hear me, they'll phone me up.

00:28:54.800 Oh, Auntie Jenny, can you give me some help?

00:28:57.020 Can you advise me?

00:28:57.900 I have had the men phone up the show and then I've said, no, you're fat.

00:29:02.480 Just like that.

00:29:03.380 You're fat.

00:29:04.100 You need to get to the gym.

00:29:05.600 And the guys will come back and they'll show me.

00:29:07.820 One guy came back and I looked at him and I thought, do I recognize you?

00:29:11.400 Well, guess what?

00:29:13.000 He's lost weight.

00:29:14.120 The guy's lost weight.

00:29:15.440 He's got himself a girlfriend and he was doing great.

00:29:18.400 But the girls, I am tired of her. 1.00

00:29:20.200 The men don't listen.

00:29:21.100 But see, men can't be forever victims.

00:29:23.900 Because nobody cares about them.

00:29:24.960 Nobody cares about their problems.

00:29:26.460 Men are abusive, look at Johnny Depp.

00:29:28.580 But they talk to me about their problems and they change.

00:29:31.320 They take the advice from me.

00:29:33.260 But the women don't. 1.00

00:29:34.260 Well, it's because the hardest thing to do is change yourself.

00:29:36.760 You have to live with yourself every day.

00:29:39.120 And men actually look to solve problems. 0.94

00:29:41.100 Women just look to feel better most of the time. 1.00

00:29:44.140 Yeah.

00:29:44.540 I mean, yeah.

00:29:47.760 Yeah.

00:29:48.780 Sorry, go ahead.

00:29:49.540 No, because there's even a guy, I think his tag is fling fuck on it.

00:29:54.180 That's the way it's spelled.

00:29:55.020 No, but he's not.

00:29:56.440 No, I have the men phoning me up on my Instagram, but the women never phone up. 1.00

00:30:01.860 You sit here and you say the same things over and over again.

00:30:05.460 You try and give them help.

00:30:06.720 And then they walk out of there and it's like, oh, she doesn't know nothing.

00:30:09.820 But can I say this to you?

00:30:12.460 If you hit me up, my Instagram, I'll give it to you.

00:30:15.380 Okay?

00:30:15.680 If you want to talk, I promise you.

00:30:18.600 No, it's my responsibility.

00:30:20.900 And no, no, don't feel like you're bothering me.

00:30:24.040 It's my job.

00:30:25.640 God has put me on this earth just to, you know, for myself.

00:30:29.640 Why do you think that, though?

00:30:30.640 Because I don't know.

00:30:34.320 I just, I don't know.

00:30:36.320 The way my mother raised me, my father raised me.

00:30:39.880 I don't want you to feel alone, you know, and a lot of young women don't have someone

00:30:44.300 to say something directly to them.

00:30:46.040 But this is the thing I'm going to tell you, just like Aunt Jenny just said, if you are,

00:30:50.780 I can listen to another opinion.

00:30:52.640 I can listen to, if you feel something different.

00:30:55.280 But if I feel like you're bucking and you're, like, going to be rebellious and you're still

00:30:59.380 making choices with the same men, if I tell you, listen, these are red flags, you got to

00:31:03.100 stop.

00:31:03.700 I do this now.

00:31:05.100 My father's my best friend.

00:31:06.460 My sister, they will tell me automatically.

00:31:09.200 MTR will tell you, I'm scared of my sister.

00:31:12.000 Okay?

00:31:12.520 Like, I'm terrified of her because she loves me so much.

00:31:16.360 She wants the best for me.

00:31:17.360 She's doing so much improving.

00:31:18.340 But I know if she's giving me instruction and I've stepped out, I'm going to get it.

00:31:24.700 She is going to read me and I'm, like, terrified of it, but it's a good terrified because I

00:31:29.920 know she loves me.

00:31:30.600 She wants the best for me and she can see me being, if I'm being hardheaded, same thing

00:31:34.960 with my father.

00:31:35.940 So you have to understand, if you reach out for help, be prepared to receive that help

00:31:41.580 in the way that it comes.

00:31:42.900 It's not going to come always in a pretty package and it's not going to be what you want

00:31:46.560 to hear, but if you have a soft heart and a willing, you have a willing, your ears are

00:31:52.100 willing to listen, to digest, doesn't mean you have to be perfect, but if you're going

00:31:56.720 to, you know, so many women, they rebel against older women and think, well, I'm young, she's 1.00

00:32:02.400 old, she don't know any better, and we don't know anything, and we just want you to- 1.00

00:32:06.920 Times have changed.

00:32:07.640 It's different.

00:32:08.440 You're right.

00:32:09.040 And it's like, times have not changed.

00:32:11.320 People are still people and we can see things from a different perspective.

00:32:14.500 And like, you think she wants you to fail, even with all her passion and things, even

00:32:20.300 with that, do you think she's feeling this fiery because she doesn't care?

00:32:23.540 No, of course not.

00:32:24.600 She's frustrated because it's tough love.

00:32:27.160 It is.

00:32:27.680 Tough love is good.

00:32:28.900 I think sometimes sensitive love is also good.

00:32:31.900 I think our society right now at the moment, we're on the topic of modern women.

00:32:37.700 I think modern women need it a bit more sensitive because I feel like with your last generation, 1.00

00:32:44.780 your parents were really tough on you.

00:32:47.120 And I think a lot of our parents, for example, like my mum and dad was quite tough on me.

00:32:52.320 But I think our generation is starting to learn more about psychology and more about how people

00:32:57.820 actually feel and how people should be treated.

00:33:00.380 So we've got a bit more sensitive.

00:33:02.340 I actually have a very strong feeling on psychology.

00:33:05.520 I think the more we learn about psychology-

00:33:07.660 The more crazy you become.

00:33:08.700 I think, yeah.

00:33:09.600 Do you think?

00:33:10.280 Yeah, I say this.

00:33:11.200 I'm getting my master's in psychology.

00:33:13.320 Yeah.

00:33:13.820 Not because I want it, but because I needed a visa.

00:33:16.660 It's like it.

00:33:17.380 And I thought it would be easy, to be honest.

00:33:19.560 It kind of is.

00:33:21.760 Yeah, everyone in the program is crazy.

00:33:24.920 I'm not saying there are exceptions, but literally they're all nuts.

00:33:27.200 It's literally insane.

00:33:28.860 Yeah.

00:33:30.100 But I don't, I actually disagree with you.

00:33:32.760 I think that we need more tough love.

00:33:34.480 I don't think anyone, I don't think we, everyone lies to women.

00:33:37.260 Whenever men tell us what they want, society lies to us. 0.84

00:33:40.920 She did say that.

00:33:42.160 What?

00:33:42.580 She said, didn't she say you need to be more sensitive to modern women? 0.98

00:33:45.200 I was like, yeah, she said.

00:33:46.200 No, I did say that.

00:33:47.380 I did say that.

00:33:48.100 No, no.

00:33:48.320 She said you need to be more sensitive.

00:33:49.480 You need the opposite.

00:33:50.300 You need the absolute opposite.

00:33:51.620 That's what I said.

00:33:52.180 I said we need to be tougher.

00:33:53.680 Yeah.

00:33:53.960 No, but she said you need to be kinder.

00:33:56.300 She said she wants you to be more sensitive.

00:33:58.100 Yeah.

00:33:58.260 Yeah, and I said.

00:33:58.940 Listen, can I ask you a question?

00:34:00.340 So this happened at 17 years old.

00:34:01.840 Yeah.

00:34:02.120 And how old are you right now?

00:34:03.220 I'm 21.

00:34:04.300 Okay, this happened four years ago, three, four years ago.

00:34:06.580 Yeah.

00:34:07.220 Do you still consider yourself a victim of that?

00:34:09.640 No, I consider myself as someone who survived it and somebody that, like, I feel like,

00:34:17.380 I could have done a lot of things better.

00:34:18.740 I could have left a lot of times when I didn't leave.

00:34:22.100 But I felt like I was just sort of sucked into, like, a cycle where I felt like I couldn't

00:34:29.320 get out.

00:34:30.540 Can I just say something, young lady, right? 1.00

00:34:32.220 What you need to do, right, is say to yourself, I'm a survivor.

00:34:36.600 I'm not a victim.

00:34:37.580 That's the first thing.

00:34:38.520 I'm a survivor.

00:34:39.020 No, I'm serious.

00:34:40.100 You see what I mean?

00:34:41.080 You see what I mean?

00:34:41.700 Yeah, it's not a game.

00:34:42.800 I'm not joking.

00:34:43.900 No, but I'm not joking.

00:34:44.820 I mean, to be four years outside of the situation happening and it's still drawing tears out of you,

00:34:49.020 No, I mean, like, no, it ended recently as in, like, it started about 16, 17.

00:34:54.300 Why were you in it for four years as an adult and you didn't remove yourself from the situation?

00:34:59.660 Yes.

00:35:00.420 And again, like I said, it's a mistake that I made.

00:35:02.740 That's why you need more tough love because you've gotten pandered to.

00:35:06.120 You've gotten coddled to.

00:35:07.240 But I didn't necessarily get coddled because, again, the only people that I was seeking advice from...

00:35:13.020 You needed a father to step into the situation and say, what are you doing?

00:35:16.100 He's obviously not into you.

00:35:18.580 He's obviously doing...

00:35:20.200 He's obviously...

00:35:20.760 Right, but that's tough love.

00:35:22.060 So you don't need more of bit this.

00:35:24.660 You don't need more babying. 0.99

00:35:26.080 You need someone to step in and say, this is what a man is.

00:35:29.020 This is how a man should act.

00:35:30.780 And if he is not that version, then you need to step...

00:35:36.100 You need to go somewhere else.

00:35:38.160 Modern women today have been lied to. 1.00

00:35:39.940 And here's the thing is that, like, you guys want us to be truthful,

00:35:42.800 but at the point that we're truthful, then you start crying.

00:35:45.640 Then you start, you know, with the victimhood.

00:35:47.960 Then you start with these type of things.

00:35:49.160 So oftentimes, we just let y'all just go off.

00:35:52.180 We just let y'all just do your thing.

00:35:53.760 And then again, you're going to be single for the next couple of decades 0.98

00:35:57.280 with a low-level barometer hate for men.

00:35:59.380 I don't hate men, personally.

00:36:01.180 Can I ask you something?

00:36:02.260 Because there's just something...

00:36:03.480 So he would hit you?

00:36:04.880 Is that what would happen?

00:36:06.560 I'd say it was a bit less physical.

00:36:08.220 It did get physical a few times, but it was more emotional.

00:36:11.900 Oh, was it two-party?

00:36:14.360 Mainly him.

00:36:15.720 But you hit him, too?

00:36:17.280 On one occasion, I hit him back, yes.

00:36:20.280 Okay.

00:36:20.680 The last occasion before you left.

00:36:22.100 Did you call the cops on him?

00:36:23.280 Yeah.

00:36:24.060 You filed police report?

00:36:25.340 I did, and I never actually pressed charges.

00:36:29.900 Why not?

00:36:31.120 Because at the time, I still loved him, which is...

00:36:35.260 It sounds a bit weird.

00:36:36.080 A lot of people don't understand that concept.

00:36:37.400 But I genuinely still loved him, even though shit happened.

00:36:43.320 Shit went down.

00:36:43.860 Do you think not pressing charges on him is a component of tough love, or it's a component of being coddled?

00:36:48.960 I think it's more of a component of me being sort of an empathetic person.

00:36:56.180 I try to see the good in people, even when they've done bad, because I've done bad things, and I still believe I'm a good person.

00:37:04.800 So I believe that other people are good, yet they do bad things.

00:37:09.660 And I feel like I...

00:37:12.780 If I...

00:37:14.940 Say, for example, I pressed charges on him, like he had a daughter as well.

00:37:18.280 If I pressed charges on him, that's not just him going to prison.

00:37:21.840 But what if he hits her?

00:37:22.920 That's...

00:37:23.600 I know, exactly.

00:37:24.500 And that's another argument.

00:37:26.460 I could be stopping other people from going through that.

00:37:29.020 But I've...

00:37:30.060 Because, again, like I said, I loved him at the time.

00:37:32.160 I thought of it as like a knock-on effect that, okay, if I get him arrested, it's not only just him that I...

00:37:39.100 Obviously, I care about him.

00:37:39.860 I don't want him to be in prison.

00:37:41.040 It's his child that is going to be affected.

00:37:44.040 And then it's just like a knock-on effect.

00:37:46.060 And I'm curious.

00:37:47.520 I'm assuming when you guys were together, you didn't think you were groomed, right?

00:37:50.940 No, I...

00:37:52.880 No.

00:37:53.260 So when did that switch for you?

00:37:54.880 When did you decide you were groomed?

00:37:56.360 When I...

00:37:56.880 I didn't...

00:37:57.520 I wouldn't say I decided I was groomed.

00:37:59.040 Well, you changed your mind on it.

00:38:00.240 Yeah, I'd say like when I left the relationship, I started reading a few books and I started like looking into like...

00:38:06.280 And you said like science of...

00:38:08.120 Yeah, a little bit.

00:38:09.380 And he was how old are you?

00:38:11.240 Well, he's currently 28.

00:38:12.960 If he was 22, would it have been grooming?

00:38:15.040 If it was the exact same situation?

00:38:16.420 I mean, the thing is, I feel like you can get...

00:38:18.340 You can sort of get groomed at any age.

00:38:20.000 No.

00:38:22.000 So if he was younger than you, would it have been grooming?

00:38:23.880 No.

00:38:25.440 See, I'm going to be careful on what I say here because I don't want to say that...

00:38:29.420 No, I don't want to say that.

00:38:30.760 But I just feel like...

00:38:32.240 I don't want to speak too much on the situation because obviously this is going to be out there

00:38:34.980 and I've got people that are watching and whatnot.

00:38:36.980 So I don't want to speak too much on it.

00:38:39.200 But I knew this guy from when I was 15.

00:38:43.160 He emailed me a lot and then he'd sort of buy me gifts, button me up, tell me that he'd be watching me in work when I was like 16 and shit like that.

00:38:51.540 And then just sort of, I don't want to say he forced me in a relationship, but...

00:38:57.140 Well, he didn't force you in a relationship.

00:38:58.760 Like I, at the time I thought I wanted that relationship.

00:39:02.040 And then afterwards I seen all the signs of like what he had done and how we had gone about it.

00:39:09.740 And it all lines up to like grooming, in my opinion anyway.

00:39:13.880 Are there things I'm willing to call out that are specific to grooming as opposed to just being a bad relationship with someone that you consider abusive?

00:39:21.040 No, there's a lot of specific things.

00:39:24.020 Obviously, I'm no fucking...

00:39:25.380 Sorry for swearing.

00:39:26.500 But I'm no like psychologist and I'm no...

00:39:29.440 And the reason why I ask is because I think men today...

00:39:33.140 And again, I don't know your situation at all.

00:39:35.040 I'm just talking in general.

00:39:36.320 A lot of men today have words that are weaponized against them.

00:39:39.060 When they were just bad guys.

00:39:40.540 Yeah, no, I genuinely do.

00:39:41.380 You know, like one of the big ones is toxic masculinity, you know.

00:39:44.580 Because I am, you know, I have shitty components within my masculinity that is therefore toxic.

00:39:49.020 Right?

00:39:49.400 And it's a word that's kind of weaponized.

00:39:51.440 And then there's kind of this bad branding that trails them no matter what.

00:39:54.900 And, you know, again, I don't know the situation.

00:39:58.560 But there's people that are watching that know you and that know him.

00:40:01.260 And now they have a thought in their mind that he's a groomer.

00:40:04.260 So that's why I ask is to...

00:40:05.980 No, the thing is, it's most other people that I spoke to about the situation that told me that.

00:40:10.160 Like, I didn't realize until I had actually...

00:40:12.540 Because I...

00:40:13.500 When I'm in a relationship, I tend to keep a lot of things to myself.

00:40:16.860 I feel like I...

00:40:18.360 It's between me and that other person.

00:40:20.400 It's nothing to do with anyone else.

00:40:22.580 There may be a few issues here and there where I may seek advice.

00:40:25.600 I may not exactly follow that advice.

00:40:27.320 But I may just ask for other opinions.

00:40:29.720 And, again, somebody said before, there may have been red flags that I ignored.

00:40:35.400 And, yeah, again, I'd say there was a lot of red flags that I ignored.

00:40:38.900 But because I was so willing to commit to this man, I decided to stay in that relationship and endure what I endured.

00:40:46.220 Because I thought I loved this person.

00:40:49.700 But in reality, I felt like I was sort of...

00:40:54.100 I don't really know what to say anymore.

00:40:58.420 Can I add to this?

00:40:59.740 Yeah.

00:41:00.000 Like, for me, I see where you're coming from and everything.

00:41:04.960 Because, you know, I think a lot of people have gone through these things and they don't actually know they've gone through grooming.

00:41:09.920 But sometimes, like, some people will suss out your...

00:41:14.440 Sorry.

00:41:15.320 They will kind of evaluate your situations and see how close you are with your family or your friends and things like that.

00:41:21.520 And that's kind of what makes it grooming.

00:41:22.760 Because it's like, if you're young and under the age of, like, 18, like, 16 or so, and they're 30, and they know you don't have a good connection with your family or maybe you, even, like, maybe were homeless or grew up in care or things like that.

00:41:34.340 And then they can appeal to things that you need because you've never had anyone.

00:41:38.060 That can maybe come across as grooming. 0.85

00:41:39.980 So then you look at...

00:41:41.040 You know something, right?

00:41:41.860 Because to me, like, 15 is a bit, like, you know, but...

00:41:47.040 I don't know.

00:41:47.420 When I was 17, I knew what I was doing.

00:41:49.640 Yeah, no.

00:41:50.100 Like, at 17, you know.

00:41:51.480 I'd say, you know what you're doing, but what business does a 27-year-old man have to do with, like, a 15, 16, 17-year-old?

00:42:00.140 I mean, is it 15, 16, 17?

00:42:01.920 I mean, when I was 15, he was, what, he would have been 24, and then onwards from there.

00:42:08.260 Wait, he started talking to you when you were 15?

00:42:10.700 Yeah.

00:42:11.440 Let's talk about how that's illegal.

00:42:13.120 Is that illegal here?

00:42:14.780 It's definitely illegal in the state.

00:42:16.680 15 is weird.

00:42:17.720 15 is weird, but legal.

00:42:19.220 The thing is, it wasn't, he was talking to me in a sexual way.

00:42:21.800 It was in, because, again, like I said, I met this guy at work, so it was, like, in a friend, friendly way.

00:42:27.340 But looking back, I felt like he'd buttoned me up, like he'd be on my socials, complimenting me, like, saying shit, like, one day I'm going to wife you, shit like that.

00:42:35.200 And I didn't see it weird.

00:42:36.540 Yeah, like, 15, 16.

00:42:37.920 Yeah, that's weird.

00:42:38.780 That's illegal.

00:42:39.200 And I didn't see it at the time, and I genuinely, I don't know, I, the first few years, it was, obviously, I got, I got with him when I was 17.

00:42:50.760 So it's not like I got with him when I was underage.

00:42:53.700 I was, like, 17, 18 when I actually got with him and started dating him and whatnot.

00:42:57.700 And, again, like you said, Pearl, you know what you're doing at that age.

00:43:02.460 I don't, I don't sort of say I don't know what I was doing.

00:43:06.060 But, again, I feel like I was in a vulnerable position, and I got taken advantage of.

00:43:10.940 You, you, you were unwilling to make wise decisions at that age, up to 17, or whatever the situation, and it ended a year ago?

00:43:18.200 Yeah.

00:43:18.900 Throughout that whole time, you've been, you were incapable of making great decisions regarding this relationship.

00:43:24.020 Yeah, I do agree.

00:43:25.200 So what that does not need is more coddling.

00:43:27.200 That needs tough love.

00:43:28.400 Can I just say something, right?

00:43:29.940 She was, um, she was working.

00:43:33.680 Huh?

00:43:34.000 She was working.

00:43:35.160 I, I, you were old enough to work.

00:43:37.200 I have been in uni.

00:43:38.680 I'm old enough to work, yes, but I have recently left jobs.

00:43:41.640 No, I don't mean that.

00:43:42.040 Due to other situations going on.

00:43:42.880 I mean, when everybody's talking about the age when they got together, all I heard was they met at work.

00:43:50.280 Yeah, I worked, I was working an illegal job, cashing hand from 15 years old.

00:43:53.840 Well, that's what I'm trying to say, so.

00:43:55.120 All right then, if I go to a workplace, if you and me are going to work, right, and I see you at work, I'm obviously going to think you're an adult because you're working.

00:44:04.300 I'm not making excuses.

00:44:06.000 Unless you told him, I am 15 years old.

00:44:07.980 I did tell him.

00:44:09.460 And he told me you look 21 and you're mature for your age.

00:44:13.460 Does I excuse it?

00:44:14.400 I don't think it does.

00:44:15.360 No, I don't say an excuse.

00:44:16.280 Just because I'm working, it doesn't excuse it.

00:44:17.760 I'm not saying it excuses it.

00:44:18.760 It doesn't excuse it.

00:44:19.480 I'm not saying it excuses it.

00:44:20.820 No, but that's.

00:44:21.360 I'm not saying it excuses it.

00:44:22.920 And this is what I'm hearing about modern people.

00:44:25.120 They always want you to be soft, soft, soft.

00:44:27.020 And when you're trying to find out what happens, they always want to blame the men.

00:44:29.980 I'm not blaming men.

00:44:31.120 Because you're not letting me finish saying what I'm saying.

00:44:32.860 You were there working illegally.

00:44:35.140 Right?

00:44:35.300 So the first thing the guy could have seen was that you're under age, that you're of age because you're working.

00:44:40.720 So for a start, whatever your background was.

00:44:43.500 You know, you can work from the age of 15, 16, as long as you have a national insurance number.

00:44:48.600 And your parents' permission.

00:44:49.700 And your parents' permission.

00:44:51.000 And I had a national insurance number.

00:44:51.700 And your parents' permission.

00:44:52.960 So therefore.

00:44:53.360 Quote the whole lot.

00:44:54.260 It doesn't matter.

00:44:54.800 And your parents' permission to work under age.

00:44:57.580 Just because.

00:44:57.960 You need your parents.

00:44:59.140 Did you have your parents' permission?

00:45:01.100 Yes, I did.

00:45:01.820 Right.

00:45:02.040 So you had your parents' permission to work.

00:45:03.860 So why couldn't you have parents' permission?

00:45:06.080 If your parents gave you permission to work, why couldn't you go to your parents and say,

00:45:10.040 this guy's talking to me and I'm under age?

00:45:14.500 Because you don't go to your parents' law.

00:45:16.060 But they gave you permission to work.

00:45:17.960 You don't.

00:45:18.560 No.

00:45:18.740 They gave you permission to work.

00:45:20.420 Not necessarily.

00:45:21.000 What I heard from Mr. MTR.

00:45:24.640 Yes, ma'am.

00:45:25.120 When you were first talking, and what I understood you was first going to say is that you can't

00:45:30.980 come out here and call a man a groomer unless you've got evidence for it.

00:45:33.460 You can't come out here.

00:45:34.600 You can't come out here and tell somebody something.

00:45:37.340 I was trying to get there.

00:45:38.080 I got that.

00:45:39.040 I call somebody like, oh, yeah, I can turn around and say my son's dad's an abuser.

00:45:42.540 You know what?

00:45:42.800 Because everybody knows it.

00:45:43.460 It's been out there.

00:45:44.220 Because I've been falsely accused.

00:45:45.100 I've taken him to court.

00:45:46.180 It's been out there.

00:45:46.940 I've got an injunction.

00:45:47.920 It's been out there.

00:45:48.760 But you're going to come on here and you're going to say all these things happen.

00:45:51.880 And then you're going to turn around and say, oh, I called the police.

00:45:55.840 I could have gone to court, but I didn't press charges.

00:45:57.780 So you did not press charges.

00:46:00.180 He is an innocent man.

00:46:01.340 So does that, you can't be sitting on social media.

00:46:04.120 Like a daughter.

00:46:04.840 Sorry, no, no, no.

00:46:05.620 Do you see what I'm saying?

00:46:06.060 You can't be sitting on social media.

00:46:08.220 I'm going to cut you off at that point.

00:46:08.800 You can't cut me off nowhere because that's where the disrespect comes in.

00:46:11.700 I'm the adult.

00:46:12.900 I'm older than you.

00:46:13.620 I'm talking.

00:46:14.180 You're trying to say I should respect my elders because you're not respecting me.

00:46:18.000 I'm not finished talking though.

00:46:19.560 I'm not finished talking though.

00:46:21.580 That's where the respect comes in.

00:46:23.100 I'm not finished talking though.

00:46:24.440 And that's the problem with modern women. 1.00

00:46:25.840 But I think modern women is modern women. 0.91

00:46:27.680 I think you're disrespecting me.

00:46:29.560 You're acting like a modern woman. 1.00

00:46:31.080 I'm acting like because I am a modern woman.

00:46:32.780 Obviously, I'm going to act like a fucking modern woman. 0.63

00:46:34.680 I don't give a fuck.

00:46:35.320 I am talking.

00:46:35.800 Do you know what?

00:46:36.180 I'm talking.

00:46:36.840 Add up to child.

00:46:37.660 I'm talking.

00:46:38.240 Add up to child.

00:46:39.040 And that's the problem.

00:46:40.160 Oh my gosh.

00:46:40.800 Because he was trying to say the same thing.

00:46:42.500 You come on there and you're saying, obviously, like you said, the people know who he is.

00:46:47.740 The people know who he is.

00:46:48.960 So as far as they're concerned, he was in a relationship.

00:46:51.320 And the people already know.

00:46:52.120 He is now a groomer.

00:46:53.600 Because he is now a groomer out there.

00:46:55.040 The people already know.

00:46:56.020 He is a groomer out there without a police record.

00:46:59.760 He has a police record.

00:47:00.780 He's a groomer out there who hasn't gone to court for grooming her.

00:47:03.940 This is what I mean.

00:47:04.600 You're speaking on something that you literally do not know.

00:47:06.540 You're speaking on something that you don't know.

00:47:08.200 Listen, I am not disclosing.

00:47:09.560 Has he been to court for what he's done to you?

00:47:11.780 I am not disclosing every issue.

00:47:13.860 I am not disclosing every issue.

00:47:16.000 You said you didn't press charges.

00:47:17.840 You said you didn't press charges.

00:47:19.040 And I told you.

00:47:19.580 So he's out there without any subject or anything to do with you.

00:47:23.620 So if he got any other charges out there, it's not from what he's done to you.

00:47:26.800 But it is true. 0.90

00:47:27.420 So you can't go out there and say, oh, I took him to court.

00:47:30.420 And oh, I could have gone to court and I didn't press charges.

00:47:33.540 Because if somebody does something and you press charges, if they don't press charges,

00:47:38.120 don't talk about the man.

00:47:39.460 Don't talk about him on social media.

00:47:41.380 Because people are going to be out there.

00:47:43.000 Do you know how many people.

00:47:44.260 I went to court with my son.

00:47:45.440 I can talk about it because we went to court.

00:47:47.200 Do you know how many people commit crimes and do not go to prison for it?

00:47:50.980 And those are the people that should be talking about it.

00:47:52.920 Those are the people when they commit crimes.

00:47:54.580 What does that mean?

00:47:55.160 When they commit crimes.

00:47:57.260 If somebody commits a crime against you and you don't want to report it, shut up about it.

00:48:01.540 What if you're just not a snitch?

00:48:04.120 Then you deserve to get abused.

00:48:05.620 I said it.

00:48:06.200 What?

00:48:06.480 I said it.

00:48:07.080 I said it.

00:48:07.840 I said it.

00:48:08.720 If somebody's abusing you and you know that the police are going to stop you

00:48:12.120 and you decide to sit there and you don't want to say nothing,

00:48:14.800 well then you ask for it.

00:48:16.220 No, that's not true.

00:48:16.640 Because you could have done something about it.

00:48:18.460 You could have done something about it.

00:48:19.860 Rather than be a snitch.

00:48:20.960 So you don't want to be a snitch, but you want to sit there and be an abused person.

00:48:24.340 No, I don't want to sit there and be an abused person.

00:48:26.560 You're going to sit there and say he was a groomer.

00:48:28.940 It's like you trying to turn around to me and say I shouldn't tell people I got hit by a bus

00:48:35.980 and I got brain damaged because it's a bad thing to say.

00:48:39.040 Would you take the bus company to court?

00:48:41.780 Wait, no, no.

00:48:42.220 Would you take the bus company to court?

00:48:43.560 It's a little bit different than that because it's three sides to every story.

00:48:45.760 He's going to have his own explanation.

00:48:48.020 Of course.

00:48:48.280 If he was described the situation, do you think he would describe himself as a groomer?

00:48:51.820 No.

00:48:52.580 But it is a moral though.

00:48:53.780 No.

00:48:54.280 It is a what?

00:48:54.720 It is a moral.

00:48:55.680 I don't think he would.

00:48:56.600 For a 24-year-old to go for a 15-year-old.

00:48:58.380 Just because he wouldn't say that.

00:49:00.520 Yeah, but that's the story that she's telling us based off of things that she's recounting it.

00:49:03.380 When she was 16?

00:49:04.200 No.

00:49:04.580 See, he might then say, well, I didn't know she was working at a spot and I thought you

00:49:07.980 had to be 18 years old to work at a spot.

00:49:08.840 It doesn't matter if it's legal.

00:49:09.940 It's still a moral.

00:49:10.840 I mean, there's always going to be a multiple size of the story.

00:49:13.020 The whole point is we're going off of what she says.

00:49:15.960 Right.

00:49:16.360 And he doesn't have a platform to talk about it.

00:49:18.120 But I don't know you, right?

00:49:19.420 Of course.

00:49:20.000 I could absolutely be chatting shit right now.

00:49:22.180 Exactly.

00:49:23.160 That's the whole point.

00:49:25.680 And you showed us a police support, it's different.

00:49:27.880 This happens.

00:49:28.360 She's not the only one who's done this.

00:49:29.660 Girls will come on the show.

00:49:30.920 And this is why it was on the list.

00:49:32.240 Because girls come on the show. 1.00

00:49:33.820 And it's the same story.

00:49:34.960 Oh, he abused me.

00:49:36.260 And they're always with him for multiple years.

00:49:38.300 It's never just one year.

00:49:39.260 Like the first time I got hit, I left.

00:49:40.700 It's always multiple years.

00:49:41.760 You could have your reasons for doing that.

00:49:43.200 But to me, if someone's hitting me in the face, I'm getting the fuck out of there.

00:49:46.640 And I'm calling the police.

00:49:47.560 That's just me.

00:49:48.740 You don't know, though, unless you're in a situation.

00:49:51.040 No.

00:49:51.560 I know.

00:49:52.200 I don't like being in.

00:49:52.780 I'm out.

00:49:53.320 If a chick cheat on me, I'm out. 1.00

00:49:54.600 I've been in this situation.

00:49:55.880 There's guilt chipping.

00:49:56.880 There's a lot of other fucking shit that goes on.

00:49:58.460 And I just think that.

00:49:59.640 I understand.

00:50:00.040 Okay.

00:50:00.720 But, and so then, and so then, I asked, did you file a police report?

00:50:04.580 And oftentimes the answer is no.

00:50:06.640 And so then we're going to a point where she can say, he did this, this, and this.

00:50:10.160 I have the evidence.

00:50:10.700 And wait, I don't, I don't.

00:50:12.340 You might have evidence.

00:50:13.340 I have the evidence.

00:50:14.040 I have police logs.

00:50:14.860 Reports.

00:50:15.320 I have everything.

00:50:15.680 I'm not talking about you.

00:50:16.920 Okay.

00:50:17.260 I'm talking about the point.

00:50:18.460 And so the point is that many men get accused of crimes they did not commit.

00:50:23.900 And when there is no evidence and no police report, I don't know your personal situation,

00:50:27.940 but it's weird to me that you were there for multiple years and you didn't press charges.

00:50:32.300 And you just continued to stay and get hit.

00:50:34.220 Because if someone hits me in the face, I'm going to the police.

00:50:36.440 Right.

00:50:36.560 So me personally, I wasn't there for multiple years.

00:50:38.840 It was about a year.

00:50:40.100 You said 17 to 21.

00:50:41.300 No.

00:50:41.540 No, you said 15.

00:50:43.100 No, I'm saying he was grooming me from 15 to about, I was 17 years old.

00:50:49.180 And then that's when things started getting further on.

00:50:53.280 Well, I'm telling you.

00:50:54.160 And so I'm not saying that.

00:50:56.580 Sorry.

00:50:57.200 No, I know what you're saying is again, it reiterates my point before why I got upset about

00:51:02.920 the list because some women turn around and say, I've been abused. 1.00

00:51:07.620 I've been great.

00:51:09.260 I've been this, I've been that.

00:51:10.520 And it makes the actual victims look bad.

00:51:13.120 And the actual victims not want to report it because you feel like you're doing something

00:51:18.920 wrong by reporting it.

00:51:20.600 And especially if you've got someone in the back of your ear saying, don't report me.

00:51:23.440 I've got a daughter.

00:51:24.260 I don't want this to go wrong.

00:51:25.420 I don't want that to go wrong.

00:51:26.360 Like you love this person and this person is telling you all sorts.

00:51:29.740 It's hard for you to do that.

00:51:31.560 So if you're not going to report it, then why would you go around telling everybody?

00:51:33.680 I don't go around telling everyone.

00:51:35.320 It just came up in this situation.

00:51:36.960 No, no, no.

00:51:37.360 You're going to report it on a podcast for everyone to listen to.

00:51:39.580 Why don't you report it to the police where change can be had?

00:51:42.400 What's the police going to do apart from put him on the sex offenders list and give me

00:51:47.540 a restraining order?

00:51:49.260 Protect other women.

00:51:50.120 I already have a restraining order.

00:51:52.860 Protect other girls out there.

00:51:54.160 Protect my grandchildren and his cousin and her sister and everybody, all the other females 1.00

00:52:00.060 out there.

00:52:00.500 That's what you're doing when you report something like that.

00:52:02.600 You're not thinking about yourself.

00:52:03.900 You're thinking about the whole, everybody around you and everybody around him.

00:52:08.180 You're protecting everyone else.

00:52:10.120 Once you let an offender go, you're leaving it for him to abuse everybody else.

00:52:14.480 To the full extent of the law.

00:52:15.660 Do you know what?

00:52:16.340 I don't disagree with you on that.

00:52:18.120 If proven that he's done these things, he needs to be held completely and utterly accountable.

00:52:21.840 And this is how men think.

00:52:23.900 When they're talking to you and they hear these stories.

00:52:27.120 There are so many men that have had false allegations against them.

00:52:31.840 Most men know someone that was falsely accused.

00:52:34.320 I've been falsely accused.

00:52:35.180 So this might be harsh, dear, but I'm telling you, when they listen to these stories, they

00:52:38.820 think, oh shit, she might be lying.

00:52:41.680 She might do that to me because there's no evidence to back her. 1.00

00:52:43.920 And here's the thing.

00:52:44.800 I've been falsely accused and a police report was not filed because she was lying.

00:52:49.900 She was lying.

00:52:50.800 At the end of the day, she was a liar.

00:52:52.800 Because she knows that if she filed a police report, and let's say it went to court, it

00:52:56.700 went to jury, it wouldn't have stood up because she completely made it up out of thin air. 1.00

00:53:01.860 And the evidence would not have shown exactly the things that she was saying at that particular

00:53:05.720 junction because her feelings made it feel like something that happened or her back was

00:53:09.860 up against the wall.

00:53:10.540 It skewed her perspective in that moment.

00:53:11.480 And everything that all of you guys are saying right now, it holds weight.

00:53:16.800 It's validity to that.

00:53:18.080 And it just brings us back to the topic of women not being held accountable and being 0.77

00:53:22.960 able to go around saying whatever.

00:53:24.320 That is not saying that your story isn't true or anything of that nature.

00:53:28.820 But personally, this is still very raw for you.

00:53:31.660 And a person has to be in a place where they are ready to hear the valid points that are

00:53:36.980 being given, right?

00:53:38.520 The wisdom that Jenny is sharing, even the points that Melody is saying about coming to

00:53:42.660 her and being a mentor.

00:53:43.540 But if you are not in a place where you can receive that, because right now in the moment,

00:53:47.440 you are still defending the situation, even though your heart isn't to defend it.

00:53:50.840 Your heart is defending your feelings and emotions around it.

00:53:52.940 But it just ended in October.

00:53:54.680 We are not even six months away from that.

00:53:57.180 And as they are talking, you are being triggered and you are reliving each and every moment.

00:54:01.620 And that's not to...

00:54:02.840 What's happening here is you're going back through it.

00:54:05.460 You're defending that.

00:54:06.540 And it seems like you are rebellious to them and giving valid, honest, good feedback for

00:54:11.500 you to grow.

00:54:12.100 And I know you're trying to receive that.

00:54:13.780 And it's coming off very attackful to you.

00:54:15.960 And now you feel like you have to defend yourself.

00:54:17.960 And you can't properly receive the wisdom that is going forth in the room because it's

00:54:22.600 re-triggering you.

00:54:23.300 So I just want you to sit with this.

00:54:24.580 As he's already mentioned, make sure you go back through this recording and you listen

00:54:27.820 to the points in a place when you are ready to properly receive from it.

00:54:31.840 Because it's a lot of things that are being said that honestly, if you from the right

00:54:36.360 perspective listen to it and hear it, you're going to recognize that this actually was a red flag.

00:54:41.460 That what they said is true.

00:54:43.200 And even what they're saying right now about calling someone a groomer without the proper

00:54:48.120 evidence, no one's saying that he wasn't a groomer.

00:54:50.180 No one's saying that that wasn't present.

00:54:52.160 But in the state that we live in where women aren't being held accountable and they go around 1.00

00:54:55.620 accusing men, how dangerous that can be without action behind it.

00:54:59.480 And that is the only point, which is a very valid point.

00:55:02.440 It is the reality that we live in and it sucks and it is unreal.

00:55:05.720 And so women like yourself who have a justified situation have to deal with that reality. 1.00

00:55:10.180 But you have to deal with the accountability too.

00:55:12.240 Where's the action that comes with it, right?

00:55:13.660 And it's not to say that in the moment things couldn't have been different, but I just want

00:55:17.840 you to sit with that.

00:55:18.720 Because as another woman on this couch, I can't relate personally to that, but I emotionally

00:55:23.720 and empathetically, I feel for you right now.

00:55:25.980 And I don't want you to feel like you have to continue defending yourself because that's

00:55:30.040 what it is right now.

00:55:30.720 Listen, all I'm saying is personally, I did not want to mention this at all on this panel.

00:55:35.760 I feel like this is something that's quite personal.

00:55:38.440 And again, like you just said, it's something that's quite fresh to me.

00:55:41.000 So I feel like putting it out there right now was probably not the best thing for me to

00:55:45.840 or something that I wanted to do.

00:55:47.320 And I think that is, again, why I'm getting a little bit triggered.

00:55:49.920 Because like I said, it's quite fresh to me.

00:55:51.920 I've only just started speaking up about it and whatnot.

00:55:54.220 And I think just hearing the point of view that other people are trying to say that

00:55:57.620 I'm chatting shit, I think it is a bit annoying.

00:56:01.760 Because when you know, like that's what it sort of feels like.

00:56:05.860 It's because you're being triggered.

00:56:07.000 I'm not saying, yeah, exactly.

00:56:08.620 It's because you're being triggered.

00:56:09.440 No, I'm not saying.

00:56:10.100 You can't receive it.

00:56:11.020 And that's fine.

00:56:11.940 But I need you to realize where you are, right?

00:56:14.260 Because even your response to this is still defensive.

00:56:16.800 And it's nothing wrong with that.

00:56:18.220 But you have to sit in that.

00:56:19.200 Because everything that went forth today was wisdom.

00:56:21.840 And it is a different perspective.

00:56:22.920 And it's challenging you right now.

00:56:24.240 Because all of your emotions are trying to justify and to protect you and what you went through.

00:56:28.900 And while your emotions may have been real in the moment, in perspective, in time, are they valid?

00:56:34.880 Is that the reality that paints the picture of the holistic experience in that moment?

00:56:39.140 What you felt and what you went through?

00:56:40.520 Was it real?

00:56:41.140 Absolutely.

00:56:42.060 But in the perspective of time, vision is 20-20.

00:56:44.640 Hindsight is 20-20.

00:56:46.000 When you look back on that and you take these other factors and elements that everyone has contributed to in this room, you will have a different perspective.

00:56:52.260 But right now, in this moment, you're not hearing it.

00:56:54.600 You are not receiving it.

00:56:55.520 No, I'm not genuinely.

00:56:56.040 No, I'm going to let her.

00:56:57.040 I'm going to let her.

00:56:57.780 I'm going to let her.

00:56:57.800 I'm going to let you talk.

00:56:58.780 Because I think you keep getting cut off.

00:57:00.460 So go ahead.

00:57:00.680 No, sorry.

00:57:01.200 I do genuinely value all your opinions in there.

00:57:03.340 Obviously, you're all much older than me.

00:57:05.580 Obviously, you've got more wisdom and more knowledge and whatnot.

00:57:07.540 But again, like I was saying earlier, I just sort of feel like I'm being quote-unquote as, oh, this is just a modern woman.

00:57:19.120 This is how she is.

00:57:21.100 And this is a basic.

00:57:22.000 I feel like I'm sort of being put in a place where I'm being categorized in a place where I cannot change.

00:57:28.140 If that's all I make sense.

00:57:29.640 I don't know.

00:57:30.480 Who said you can't change?

00:57:31.640 No one said that.

00:57:32.560 But I just feel like.

00:57:33.480 I have voice.

00:57:34.020 It's like in one ear and out the other.

00:57:35.820 Like, honestly, I'm on my Auntie Jenny shit at this point.

00:57:38.920 It's like one ear and out the other, Mama.

00:57:40.980 It's like, holy moly.

00:57:42.340 Do you know what, right?

00:57:43.020 Do you know the one thing that stood out to me?

00:57:45.220 Is that it's only been about six months.

00:57:48.360 It's never too late to report it.

00:57:50.480 And the most.

00:57:51.140 The thing that's got me in here, right?

00:57:53.320 You know the one thing that she said?

00:57:55.220 He has a daughter.

00:57:57.060 He has a daughter.

00:57:59.480 Right?

00:57:59.700 Remember that.

00:58:00.420 He has a daughter.

00:58:01.320 Think about that little girl.

00:58:02.080 This is true.

00:58:02.880 That's what's getting to me.

00:58:03.860 If this is not a victim thing, think about the little girl.

00:58:06.220 Is that she said he has a daughter.

00:58:09.260 She was a daughter.

00:58:10.720 She is somebody's daughter.

00:58:12.840 And if a man's a groomer, groomer, groomer, groomer,

00:58:15.020 they don't care whose daughter it is. 1.00

00:58:17.580 So if not for you, save that little girl.

00:58:19.740 He has a daughter.

00:58:20.760 And it's never too late.

00:58:22.380 I got raped.

00:58:23.180 I reported it like two years afterwards.

00:58:25.180 Still got taken up.

00:58:26.220 You know what?

00:58:26.560 Because the evidence was there.

00:58:27.600 I swear for God, if I came across a dude that I knew was abusive

00:58:31.100 and abusing his daughter.

00:58:33.500 I swear for God.

00:58:35.380 Oh, man.

00:58:36.460 Report.

00:58:36.880 Like, come on.

00:58:37.860 Where are we even talking about this point?

00:58:40.320 It's not adding up to me.

00:58:41.660 Um.

JustPearlyThings - July 12, 2023

Modern Women Lack ACCOUNTABILITY

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