JustPearlyThings - Modern Women Love Toxic Men

00:00:00.000 some lovely guys and then some not so i the others i think they were just young

00:00:06.880 i don't think they're bad people i don't even think this last one is a bad person i just think

00:00:11.280 he's not you don't think he's a bad person he has i do he has i'd meet i don't know he committed

00:00:20.880 identity do you know with his mom premeditated and it made you move to australia for six weeks

00:00:25.920 and to use you i'm gonna be friends with his ex sorry i don't know if he's bad or he's just

00:00:32.560 unwell you know i know he had borderline personality disorder i know when i got with him he was

00:00:36.400 severely anorexic he had a lot of demons that i tried to help him with and equally i'm not gonna

00:00:42.000 lie he helped me with mine so i'm so that's why i don't know if he's bad or if he was just

00:00:47.120 did you know there was demons like early on when we were friends no no but when you started dating

00:00:52.160 him you kind of saw a couple red flags early on oh yeah when it started interfering with my work

00:00:57.200 so i'm assuming that like you had have guy friends that i'm sure would date you right

00:01:04.640 yeah come on yeah i mean she's a pretty girl yeah yeah so so so what made you go with like the toxic

00:01:11.200 guy over the nice guy it was exciting what it was exciting do you know what i would be so honest about

00:01:16.960 this i appreciate the honesty and um i think this is where my growth period happened i before him

00:01:23.680 i always wanted to be that girl that could be taken care of be driven around in a nice car

00:01:28.160 taken out to nice meals bought nice bags nice jewelry because i never you know i never had a

00:01:32.160 guy that did that until my ex he bought me he did all of that for me and until i found myself sitting

00:01:37.120 in that benz with the heated seats i was like i'm really unhappy because this man does not love

00:01:42.480 himself enough to be with me he doesn't know who he is he's unhappy he takes it out on me because

00:01:47.600 he's not secure within himself and now i drive around in my little toyota yaris and i'm just like

00:01:54.080 you know what this is all i need i'm happy now i'm good um i can't remember your question so so so you

00:02:03.120 you almost put up with more because he was rich i think it was more i think at the beginning that

00:02:10.400 enticed me but it wasn't that i actually loved him 100 percent i loved him you didn't love him

00:02:16.560 i did love him you just you just said it was because of like the cars and it enticed me yeah

00:02:22.160 it enticed me but he didn't he didn't maintain me i financed myself he tried to buy me a car i said no

00:02:27.840 tried to invest in my business i said no he tried to buy me a phone i said no because i even back then

00:02:32.320 i was aware that if we break up you're going to turn around and say give me that back now

00:02:36.560 i don't want to ever be in that position so no he you know it enticed me that he could take care

00:02:42.480 of himself he had all these things it inspired me i'm not a gold digger otherwise i would have

00:02:47.200 accepted all those things he offered me it was more i was inspired by his lifestyle i wanted that

00:02:53.280 for myself that's what inspired by his life what does that mean he could drive that car he owned that

00:02:57.840 car he's younger than me i'm like wow i want that okay so i just it just i'm just confused because it

00:03:04.320 kind of it kind of is like you're saying the same thing okay okay you just wanted like the hey

00:03:08.960 hey life really yeah i mean i'm not faulting you for it no you're fine yeah it's cool okay um

00:03:17.600 so what about you guys have you guys ever dated a toxic guy anyone raise your hand raise your hand

00:03:28.160 kind of yeah i mean the thing is though when i look back on it i'm like was it really toxic

00:03:32.560 or did i just not know myself was i just not secure in myself um and i think also the word

00:03:39.520 toxic is thrown around so much and you know sometimes when you're talking with your friends

00:03:44.160 and they're just like oh that's so toxic but looking back i'm thinking we were both young he was just

00:03:50.560 doing him and i was just so like you know i i know i won't say it was toxic maybe on my behalf

00:03:57.760 i had an unhealthy attachment but i i looking back on it i wouldn't say he was toxic okay so you don't

00:04:03.200 think he was toxic okay and what about you mine was a hundred thousand percent toxic i just came to

00:04:09.280 the realization as i was saying that out loud that he wasn't toxic i was just like toxic not that i don't

00:04:16.480 know um yeah a million percent i think maybe in my i was the opposite in my head i was trying to make it

00:04:23.440 seem like he wasn't um and i would always defend him like i'd be out here defending him to everyone

00:04:28.880 my parents like my whole family my friends even to him like his family his friends i'm like no this

00:04:34.240 is the guy for me even to myself like become so deluded because i was so in love but i feel like

00:04:39.200 again this love bombing phase in the beginning like maybe i grew attached and fell in love with someone

00:04:43.840 that doesn't actually exist um but yeah it was just the the the regular things of just being unfaithful

00:04:51.360 maybe he just couldn't commit and he wasn't the guy for me but for someone else it may not be deemed

00:04:55.440 toxic but for me when i'm with someone i'm very tunnel vision so if they're not the same like what

00:05:00.720 what type of toxic things did he do there was a few there was just loads of messages he would just go

00:05:08.240 hot and cold like days weeks no communication i was with him so you're dating him and he didn't talk

00:05:13.280 to you for weeks yeah he would just disappear and be like oh i just don't want to talk or he'd send

00:05:17.920 little messages like i just don't want to talk and i'll be like okay when when people go through

00:05:21.760 things i'm someone that i give you space i'm not needy i don't need to be talking to you 24 7 you

00:05:26.080 have your space but then it become a regular thing and i was like either there's something wrong with

00:05:29.600 you or there's something up here um and i'm a big communicator so if you can't talk to me about stuff

00:05:35.680 fine whatever but i will try and try and try but you know in the end i won't bug you um i found condom

00:05:42.240 wrappers just chilling and i was doing the laundry you know being and they've been that good housewife

00:05:47.680 and yeah no it was just a lot and i'd say it was quite damaging but at the same time you learn from

00:05:53.360 it you learn what you don't want and how old were you guys when you dated the toxic guy only recently

00:06:00.240 so in 19 20 21. oh so you're you're 21 when you dated him okay that was only like eight months ago okay

00:06:07.200 and then how many how many years were you guys with him so he gave us solidly about a year and a bit

00:06:13.360 and then on and off i'd say two and a half years two and a half years a year and a bit a year and a

00:06:17.280 bit but we were friends for like really close friends for two years before that so okay and i'm curious

00:06:22.400 did you guys ever you said you caught him cheating yes yeah not in the act but yeah yeah you caught him

00:06:28.800 cheating i don't think he ever cheated on me but then i don't know at the same time anymore

00:06:34.640 there's so much that i just didn't know i don't want to get into that okay no no worries um when

00:06:40.800 you caught him cheating did you stay or did you leave i left okay but went back shortly after

00:06:50.320 i left the house and then went back and forth and back and forth but yeah it's not a good cycle to be

00:06:54.560 in 100 percent okay would um any of you guys be open to dating a guy um that it's closed on your end but

00:07:03.520 open on his or he would sleep with other girls no no no no ew not that i know about it but you might 0.99

00:07:13.120 you might it depends it depends yeah okay what about you no no um so i'm gonna tweak it a little bit okay

00:07:23.920 um so for me um it's dating to marriage and it's not really dating is in a sense of how

00:07:31.440 you guys would see it it would be we want to get married he'd be talking to my mom my dad my brothers

00:07:37.440 getting to know me with my male family members involved um so i wouldn't uh sorry i forgot the

00:07:45.120 question i was just asking if you would ever be open to dating a guy where he's able to cheat but you're

00:07:54.480 not basically um so we would be married and if he wanted another wife where i am now um with the

00:08:02.240 mindset that i have now um i wouldn't mind if he had another wife but this is not another wife this

00:08:07.920 is being unfaithful but that but i i'm not i don't date men yeah so that's why i said the tweaking

00:08:15.120 i don't like i don't have a boyfriend and i won't have a boyfriend because i'm a muslim woman we don't

00:08:19.760 oh you know that's yeah that's strictly forbidden um so would you be okay with your husband sleeping

00:08:25.120 around with loads of different women then i guess that's the tweet not necessarily having one wife 1.00

00:08:29.600 it would be sleeping with those of other women no she said she she said she'd be all right

00:08:35.440 but no she said that what she'd be happy with her husband having another wife yeah yeah not a side piece

00:08:41.360 yeah

JustPearlyThings - April 12, 2023

Modern Women Love Toxic Men

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