JustPearlyThings - Modern Women REJECTS Single Fathers

00:00:00.000 have to be around like you'll be around them but you won't have too much of a dad to them

00:00:03.600 so like if you had a kid and he was your your man like he would be around but he wouldn't have to

00:00:10.160 look after them i kind of would though like if we like live together i guess it's just um the biggest

00:00:18.880 issue that i've i've heard um like my co-host on tuesdays his name's sarah he he said that he had

00:00:25.280 he dated um a single mom for 10 years was basically that a lot of single mothers will let you know that

00:00:31.600 you're not the dad and so basically like if you want to parent them one way and she wants to parent

00:00:38.160 them a different way it's like she'll always let you know that's not your kid oh so they lose their

00:00:43.280 dominance kind of they lose that it's just i mean they have all the responsibility of the kid they

00:00:47.840 have to make sure he's fed they have to make sure he's taken care of they have to make sure you know

00:00:51.840 he has a male role model all that stuff but they they don't get the leadership yeah the responsibility

00:00:58.560 that comes with it yeah or the freedom sorry the freedom yeah then you got baby father drama as well

00:01:05.840 and baby fathers when it comes to stepping on another man's ego oh denava like okay it's personally like

00:01:11.920 i i think it would be wait okay i think i think it would be hard to date a guy with kids personally but

00:01:17.760 i just don't tell the world what to be and women tend to go for men with kids more than without

00:01:22.720 kids like again historically it was a sign of pre-selection like how did gongas khan impregnate

00:01:27.600 like half of the world you know i i agree with that one to an extent to be fair i think it's just

00:01:37.360 when you have people that have that kind of lifelong commitment with somebody else because that's what

00:01:42.560 happens when you have a child i think on both sides it brings a lot of complications i think that's why

00:01:47.600 that's why you don't want that drama i'm curious who here um raise your hand if you would date

00:01:51.360 someone with a kid okay so one two okay i have in the past but it's not my preference it's not your

00:01:59.920 preference yeah exactly i would but it wouldn't be my preference but as as women well me anyway i will

00:02:06.480 i would go for a man who is around his 30s he's more likely to have a child like it wouldn't be my first

00:02:12.240 pick but you know if he's got all the other qualities and stuff rather than someone who

00:02:17.760 doesn't have the qualities i want and doesn't have a kid then yeah i feel like it's easier to

00:02:22.880 emotionally invest and be maternal to someone else's kids than for a man to financially invest in

00:02:27.600 someone else's kids so you're saying it's like easier for a woman in that sense than a man yeah

00:02:32.480 yeah i don't know i think that if you're a man and you're doing your thing money ain't nothing but

00:02:42.000 a thing that's it yeah so you'll be sure for the majority so it's not the case but it that's the

00:02:47.520 thing it really still shouldn't be the case but it's not even about money a lot of the time it's again

00:02:52.480 back to the freedom without responsibility so they have all the responsibility of a kid but they don't

00:02:56.880 get to freedom the freedom to parent them how they want and then on top of that like you know she can 1.00

00:03:02.080 leave and then he'll have no rights to the kids well yeah and that lack of freedom like will um kind

00:03:07.520 of be reciprocated in your relationship i guess because she's got power over something you don't

00:03:11.360 but what all of the guys have been saying is that like they don't want to look after somebody else's

00:03:15.120 kid because it's a burden to them they have to provide for these kids so it is about the money

00:03:19.920 then isn't it they don't want to provide this kid and give emotional oh it's money too like financial 0.60

00:03:26.160 support to this kid like for example you just said it wasn't about the money you said it was about

00:03:29.360 no i'm i'm saying sorry if i said it wasn't about the money at all i misspoke okay i i'm just saying

00:03:34.960 it's not always just about the money so even if a guy has money he still he's like he still has the

00:03:42.880 issue that she will remind you that it's not your kid not all moms but some without the factor of the

00:03:47.600 money if if they know that you have a kid and they're still looking for a long-term situation then

00:03:53.600 why does the kid matter like if you know they have a kid and you still want a long-term situation with them

00:03:58.240 then if you're not willing to put in the effort and like that risk take that risk that if it does

00:04:02.640 end then the kid will be out of your life then why are you still going into it i think i think it

00:04:06.880 ultimately depends on the baby father like how involved he is in in all of this because between men

00:04:14.800 this there's like an on unspoken code if if that if if yes if he's completely out of the picture

00:04:23.520 then you have a lot more options as a man to to to do what you've got to do but if you have to

00:04:28.720 interact with this guy every every friday when he comes to pick up the kids do you know what i mean

00:04:33.840 and you look at each other you size each other up and then he's just there like it's a lot more aggro

00:04:37.920 and a hassle that you don't need that just sounds like it's dangerous it's dangerous for men because

00:04:42.000 if he if he's just come out of a 10-year stretch and do i mean all these kind of things as a man you like

00:04:47.520 just just a woman with another child puts you in harm's way as a man because you don't know who 1.00

00:04:52.880 this guy who she she she breeded with yeah i would never date someone with a kid because i don't want 1.00

00:04:58.960 to deal with their like their emotional baggage and and like kind of be responsible for their past

00:05:03.840 decisions because that is like you having a child was a decision and now i have to be responsible for

00:05:09.200 that decision and it's like it's not i shouldn't have to take that off you like i don't have to deal

00:05:14.480 with your past traumas because they're yours they're not mine yeah because i was saying just

00:05:18.880 adding onto it so i'm not going to go into black names and stuff but like um as pa was saying about

00:05:24.640 you know the authority especially from like a masculine perspective already taking on someone else's

00:05:32.480 child if you look at it from like a survival perspective that child effectively is your enemy

00:05:37.280 which is why like when lions take over pride they make sure to to to kill off any legacies that

00:05:42.560 was there before and they start again but then to to to swallow that pride is one thing but then

00:05:47.760 if you you you as it like in in the traditional sense you need to kind of like run your house

00:05:54.080 but then if there's children here

00:05:58.800 yeah it's like if you respect the mother her her not allowing you the authority over that child

00:06:05.280 those children are on the same level as her so it's just like that whole like the whole respect tree

00:06:10.240 someone in the chat said it's like paying for another man's orgasm exactly exactly you said

00:06:16.000 they're fully developed by three and if you meet her and she's got a five-year-old that kid knows

00:06:20.320 you're not their their dad like they're gonna it depends i mean it depends how it runs out the

00:06:24.240 domain the main thing yeah the main thing i'm trying to get across right is the fact that like

00:06:28.400 all of these things yeah it just it's very case specific but generally speaking

00:06:32.720 from a male perspective there's just so many factors that you have to swallow and ignore and just try and

00:06:37.440 ride with it oh yeah it's a reminder that they have slept with someone every day seeing that kid

00:06:42.240 like yeah it's not nice speaking from experience like i grew up my parents split when i was very

00:06:46.000 young and yeah and my mom got had a new man from early so i grew up with another man in the household

00:06:51.840 and i didn't like him at all like we constantly clashed heads i was very much like always on my dad's

00:06:58.000 side i was always looking at it like why are you with him and not my dad so for him it must have been

00:07:02.800 horrible yeah living in a household where you know that this kid doesn't like you but if they can if

00:07:07.440 they can get over that insecurity of the fact that there's another man that like like fathered that

00:07:12.000 their their like girlfriend or wife's a child then like i just don't see what the problem is like what

00:07:16.160 you were saying about like how they have to like see this other man if he's still in like the picture

00:07:20.240 and it's not easy to get it just sounds like it's like that stems from their insecurity like if you're

00:07:23.680 too insecure about the fact that the girl you're seeing has had another like baby in the past then like

00:07:28.400 don't see her like why is that her why is like you making like her issue that it's your problem

00:07:32.720 like yeah it's like you're meeting someone's ex every friday like meeting their ex like if you don't

00:07:36.880 like it don't get into the relationship yeah but we're just explaining like why men don't

00:07:47.120 i'll agree with that even further actually because my mom was alone for a very long time because my

00:07:53.040 dad passed away when we were 12. and i remember when i was 15 14 15 even 16 any man that ever got

00:08:00.960 close to my mom oh the four of us because we're four girls we used to give him hell because we had a 0.98

00:08:06.480 certain possession over our mom and we're kids we didn't know a lot of the time we're younger we had

00:08:11.360 a possession of our mom and we also have loyalty to our dad yeah okay and okay fine fair enough yeah my

00:08:17.760 dad passed away and there's a difference but actually i find that to be the case with a lot of people

00:08:21.280 especially if the children have got a good relationship with the father it feels like a

00:08:24.800 betrayal yeah it's a betrayal so i think that when you bring that kind of situation to your life you

00:08:31.440 have to understand that there's so many elements now that you've added to your life that you have

00:08:35.200 absolutely no control over absolutely no control it can be absolutely chaos or it can go well a lot of

00:08:40.880 the time it may not go well in the society that we live in now i would say if you're like maybe in

00:08:46.000 africa or in other in other continents where life is a bit more difficult and you actually have a

00:08:51.440 bit more generous through struggle maybe but even still i would just say keep it clean keep it simple

00:08:57.440 keep it straight and easy it's such a complex situation to walk into so like generally speaking

00:09:02.800 men will just be like you know what if i've got the choice to go for a woman without kids and a woman 1.00

00:09:07.040 with kids i mean yeah because i think just just to just add on to what you're saying like generally

00:09:15.440 speaking generally speaking most children kind of have like a maternal yearning so like if you're

00:09:22.080 like say your your your father was just children you could have sisters aunties mothers and stuff

00:09:27.680 they sort of like represent the body of a mother in a way but then with a father side of things you kind

00:09:32.320 of have need that sort of like one reference point generally speaking but then if if you are given

00:09:38.960 the authority over the child to raise that child as your own as a man then that child's father has

00:09:44.400 effectively lost his child that creates a new dynamic that just within the male spectrum it's just so many

00:09:50.960 moving pieces i think for it for it to work for it to work the biological dad would have to be completely

00:09:56.080 out of the situation completely yeah like it's not in and accepts you calling his child dad yeah and

00:10:01.280 because i've i've seen it with a friend like literally um you know he had a situation and his

00:10:06.960 baby mother or the mother of his child had a new guy who's very traditional he's like this is my house

00:10:13.200 all the children call me dad see i wouldn't have had that and i guess i didn't have that i had i had to

00:10:18.880 talk him out of keeping his freedom do you know what i'm saying because it's like my child's calling

00:10:22.560 another man dad like that that that's like that's that's a madness and it's it's also um women tend to 1.00

00:10:28.480 leave relationships more than men so it's like why didn't it work out with the baby father women 1.00

00:10:33.200 leave 70 to 80 percent of the time 90 of their college educated if she left the father of her

00:10:37.680 kids she might leave you too men value loyalty uh uh listen we we can't use those stats to say much

00:10:44.160 because if we break those stats down for reasons why and you look at the pairings and you know how

00:10:49.280 number one reason is financial okay so let me tell you something about finances yeah

00:10:53.600 uh-huh as a man if you're meant to be a provider if you are with a woman that earns more than you

00:11:01.200 she may leave you but it's not always because she's gassed and she thinks she's better than you

00:11:05.040 a lot of the time when you are more likely to leave after a promotion yeah but wait like a lot of the

00:11:09.600 time when you are doing more than your man is in the field that he's supposed to be doing more than you

00:11:14.880 are because he's going to then act out against you not because you he how do you know they're not acting

00:11:20.800 out against him and acting like they're better than him because it can go both ways okay and that's

00:11:24.320 why when we use these stats we need to look at the reasonings why because a lot of the time men

00:11:28.720 get really upset because their woman is doing better than him and that makes him feel emasculated

00:11:32.320 you're going to leave your husband because he's upset no because if he if he treats me like crap 0.70

00:11:36.720 because i'm making it because deep down he knows i'm making more money is making him feel some type

00:11:40.320 of way and he's not making me happy of course i'm going to have to leave i'm not going to like

00:11:44.000 quit my job so that he can feel better about himself it's about the kid's happiness and not yours

00:11:48.640 the kid's happiness is dependent also on my happiness but why because if i'm because

00:11:53.440 you don't think happiness is a choice um it is a choice and that's why you make the right choices

00:11:58.400 if it's a choice then why can't you be happy well i can be happy but if there is somebody in my life

00:12:04.080 that is he who's happy unhappiness is affecting mine because energies are contagious then i have to

00:12:09.680 separate myself especially even for kids this is the thing sometimes we think that for children the best

00:12:14.240 thing is for parents to be together no i mean because statistically well the best thing the best

00:12:19.440 thing for kids when when um when they are young growing up is to have a healthy loving relationship

00:12:26.480 being shown in front of them if you two are not getting on as a married couple at least separate

00:12:30.800 but keep the love in for the child because at the end of the day it's not about you and the person

00:12:34.880 being together it's about that kid growing up healthy with mental and emotional stability

00:12:38.880 like if you're getting along why can't you just live in separate rooms live in separate houses

00:12:43.280 why because living in separate rooms why when it's better for the kids to have two parents in

00:12:47.440 the home you know what i genuinely but see this is like a modern mindset where it's like me me me

00:12:51.680 me first my happiness first before my own children and like that i think that's why we have like a

00:12:56.560 very up society today because it's me me me my happiness me because your happiness directly

00:13:01.360 first somebody if i'm depressed my child is like okay if i'm in a terrible relationship it's like

00:13:07.760 okay you can just figure out how to get along with people but why are you so important right if if

00:13:14.000 and put things aside but you're compromising your values and that's what about the values you took

00:13:19.120 in front of god i would say our society very much is about individualism now because like capitalism

00:13:25.040 is fundamentally based on individualism and so therefore you you feed into your own values now so now when

00:13:30.960 you're in a marriage you think what do i want not what my husband or partner wants right and you

00:13:36.160 think about what your kids need and to an extent it's problematic because it makes it more competitive

00:13:40.080 the market and it makes your dating life more competitive no i think i think it's a problem because

00:13:43.840 it's not supposed to be about you it's supposed to be about the family it's supposed to be especially

00:13:47.680 the kid like i just think as a mother you should want your kids to be happy above all else but if

00:13:51.920 you're sad in your relationship surely that's going to transpire with your kids i know but i'm saying i'm saying

00:13:57.200 i'm saying like why can't you just put that aside raise your kid raise your kids and then after

00:14:03.040 that you could focus on your happy because it takes too yeah but the practice is that as a child you

00:14:08.160 learn by example and if you watch your parents argue or you're you watch your mom constantly compromise

00:14:13.120 her values and say fine learn not to argue yeah but the fact is not to get learn to get along so you're

00:14:17.920 saying yeah but what if but what if you're like i don't want to do that and you always see your mom being

00:14:21.680 like i don't want to do that and you're and your father is forcing her to do that you learn growing up that you're

00:14:26.240 that what you want doesn't matter and you just have to force yourself to do what you don't like

00:14:30.160 and that could put you in really harmful situations don't you think you're saying to teach these young

00:14:34.000 girls to be complacent like see their mothers just be complacent with the fact that they're unhappy with 1.00

00:14:38.720 this man put the family above you but sometimes i'm not saying i'm saying i don't i'm not for abuse

00:14:45.840 so i completely if it's an abusive situation that's different yeah but but i think i think i think wait

00:14:54.160 happiness comes and goes and i think there were a lot of times my parents have been married 30 years

00:15:00.240 and there have been a lot of times where my mom maybe wasn't happy for a couple years or my dad

00:15:04.560 maybe wasn't happy for a couple years but because of us they stuck it out and they got happier and they

00:15:10.080 learned to work it out and they learned to get along and i think a lot of times in our society

00:15:15.280 we we throw in the towel before we've even really tried

00:15:18.320 no and i think that's the average length of a first marriage is seven to eight years

00:15:24.560 seven to eight years after seven to eight years but you took vows in front of god

00:15:30.720 and it doesn't mean anything to people nowadays you can co-inhabit in a household right and not be

00:15:35.360 together like as a couple but in front of the kids you can just be a united front yeah but then but then

00:15:40.880 you can live your own private lives like you can go and date you can go and date but you live together like

00:15:45.600 you see right i think if you're going into a marriage thinking that you're going to be happy

00:15:50.080 you're going in for the wrong reasons because just like pearl said they're going to be situations

00:15:53.840 where you're not going to be happy just because you're not happy you're going to leave now

00:15:56.880 no if you if you stand before that court you stand before you sign the paper you agreed to death

00:16:02.320 to life to worse to better and not just because you're happy you have kids involved

00:16:06.080 no it's not about your happiness anymore because the fact that you two are going to stay there

00:16:09.440 that's going to that's going to greatly impact the child's life so if we're not talking about no extreme

00:16:13.680 cases about you know that any um you know sa going on at home and any abuse or whatever

00:16:20.560 you're i don't want to put it so bluntly but it's not about your happiness your life is not

00:16:25.040 yours anymore you're raising kids now that's the center of your life so forget your happiness

00:16:29.680 work it out look at our grandmas and talk to our great grandmas they went you think they went to hell

00:16:35.120 they will see their man cheating but they say look i got kids so i gotta put my kids before me

00:16:39.360 because i know they need me in the house and i think that's like even you said we become way more

00:16:43.520 individualistic now and is that even to our benefit look at the results it's not doing us any good

00:16:48.560 okay so just taking off what you said and the whole it's about the the family so your idea of it's about

00:16:55.520 the family is okay let's just say you're like because you're talking about a very specific

00:16:59.680 situation the ups and downs of a marriage where you can be unhappy happy happy that's fine and i think

00:17:03.840 most people would agree on you you need to ride the highs with the lows but if you've got a situation

00:17:08.800 where let's just for the sake of this argument we've got a woman and her daughter or even like 0.98

00:17:13.920 actually even flip it a man and his son and you does this dude is habitually unhappy like every day

00:17:22.080 just unhappy miserable whole family feels it all the kids feel it you're like you're but you're staying

00:17:27.840 there you're putting your family first but you're teaching this boy this is what marriage looks like

00:17:32.320 this is what wait wait this is what a family looks like so he then goes on to have his own family

00:17:37.360 where he's a bit truly unhappy and then he teaches his son to do so you have this line of people just

00:17:43.520 unhappy but married look like this idea of a family together wait wait wait wait let me just let

00:17:49.840 let me just land on the last point no no no marriage isn't about happiness it's about duty exactly what's

00:17:53.440 your responsibility and i understand that but i don't think like because to me you're like

00:17:59.520 as long as you are together that's the most important thing and you stay together like even

00:18:03.600 if you're unhappy statistically it is you're more likely to run away from home you're more likely

00:18:11.360 to go to jail you're more likely to get bad grades in school every statistical disadvantage you can put

00:18:16.000 a kid at they're at when you take the father out of the home what about your own and so i what i'm

00:18:21.680 saying is that it's marriage is not about happiness it's about duty okay and then marry your best friend

00:18:26.880 and everyone's marry your best friend have a baby with your best friend like is your friend with

00:18:31.920 benefits but you have a child so it's easier because you respect each other you love each other

00:18:35.760 and you don't really need to argue regardless there there is going to be an unhappy time and

00:18:41.680 like i said we can't base a marriage off of happiness because if if you come into it thinking look

00:18:47.680 i'm going to get married with this love of my life because they treat me well and they're going to treat

00:18:51.040 me like a queen you're not going to be happy for the rest of my life no because they're going to be a day

00:18:54.000 you might go to a financial hardship you might go to a health situation is that going to be the

00:18:58.480 breaking point you're like okay now i'm not happy now i'm going to leave no you got kids so you have

00:19:01.920 a responsibility in my head it's like why can't we figure out a solution just like if you're really

00:19:06.560 unhappy why can't you figure out a solution maybe maybe it's maybe it's sleeping in separate bedrooms

00:19:11.760 for a couple years till you figure out how to get along maybe it's marriage counseling maybe it's

00:19:15.600 wait sorry maybe it's marriage counseling maybe it's sleeping in separate bedrooms for a couple 1.00

00:19:19.520 years maybe it's i don't know consoling with your church family whatever it is but it's like why

00:19:24.640 why is the first go-to always divorce divorce divorce i understand that and i get that in a case

00:19:30.480 yeah i get that okay i get that in a case where you're like you've got two people and they both

00:19:36.320 like you've at least got two people and they're willing to work on it or whatever but what if you've

00:19:40.480 got a situation where you have a person who is like i want to stay and let's just say it's fundamentally

00:19:46.000 there are these things you do that make me unhappy and that person like i'm not going to change like

00:19:51.360 so you should carry it so you so what's the answer then like if you've got this situation where someone

00:19:56.800 is like i'm doing my thing and i'm living and i'm not changing so the unhappy person an example of an

00:20:02.640 actual situation okay cool so to like narrow it down so 100 uh you've got a man and he's married to a 0.86

00:20:12.480 woman and he fundamentally is like so so to me the underpinning is this is my thinking he chose wrong

00:20:20.480 when he married this woman okay and the reason is he wants someone who fundamentally is submissive to

00:20:26.720 him that's what he wants and when that doesn't when that doesn't manifest he feels belittled in

00:20:32.160 himself in front of his kids in front of his family and this woman does she submits performatively

00:20:40.160 so she's like oh yeah i'll cook for you i'll cook but when they have an agreement and he's like i

00:20:43.600 need you to move right she's like no that's not a good enough reason i'm moving left and that

00:20:47.680 constantly happens they go through therapy and that's essentially the crux of it she's like i wasn't

00:20:52.880 raised that way um like my mom wasn't like that i'm not going to be like that whatever so and this man

00:20:59.760 is now happy she is not happy you're like for duty's sake the family stay together anyway yeah and i think

00:21:06.080 marriage should be based on sustainability like can she sustain that long term no i would say until 0.99

00:21:11.440 the kids are 18 i would do everything i could to figure it out until the kids are 18 what just give

00:21:16.720 up all like sense of morality and happiness and like even if it is jeopardizing your mental health and

00:21:22.400 like even things like that like just stay just stay what do you mean all sense of morality like he was

00:21:27.440 saying about like oh that's how my mother was raised like if you're if it's going against your morals and

00:21:31.840 there like like not forcing you but like asking you to be someone that you're not like that's you're

00:21:36.640 you're giving up all sense of morality and like how are you going to sustain it like i will give will

00:21:41.200 smith a divorce no but let's face it i will grant that man a divorce you base your relationships off

00:21:47.680 your parents relationship and if you watch your mom or your dad constantly belittle themselves and

00:21:52.640 constantly let themselves get walked over you're going to let yourself get walked over because if you're

00:21:58.240 their gender because it's more likely to be the woman you're going to think it's okay if my 1.00

00:22:01.200 do you mean it's more likely to be the woman because like domestic violence you're more likely to be

00:22:05.440 domestically abused it's actually most most um domestic violence is two-sided like a lot of

00:22:09.440 girls claim domestic violence but they hit first okay um and you're actually more likely to be in a 1.00

00:22:13.760 domestic violence um where if it's one-sided abuse like women are more likely to be in um more likely to 0.90

00:22:18.640 hit men one-sided than what men are to hit women okay fine well whatever gender is your whatever gender

00:22:24.480 gets belittled you're if you're that gender you're gonna let yourself get walked over like that so do you

00:22:29.440 think people should just like never get divorced is that like your position yeah like do you think

00:22:34.640 the divorce should just be like illegal like yeah i gave will smith a divorce you said that like you

00:22:41.360 said that they should try their hardest if johnny dot was johnny dot married i'd give that man a divorce

00:22:46.560 but you're like in some situations divorce is legitimate you acknowledge that yeah i think

00:22:51.600 in front of god you said you made your vows in front of god and let's face it

00:22:54.640 in the uk for richer or poorer for sickness and in hell yeah and that means that god has

00:23:00.000 less value less than half the percent of the uk so much what do you mean okay to you not not to

00:23:05.840 people of not wait wait wait wait not to people of faith but statistically but this is as a country

00:23:12.480 we have belonging but not believing true true true however however that's why marriage is outdated

00:23:18.560 that's like why we're why we're in a post-marriage society that's why that wait wait that's why people 0.98

00:23:22.560 are getting married less and less and less what's people's justification that the staying in a

00:23:26.000 marriage isn't working out because they can't say anymore god god wants me to do this what do

00:23:30.960 they say to themselves when they're unhappy and then it's about it's about my kids

00:23:35.360 that's that's what you you said before you do acknowledge that wait hold on you do acknowledge

00:23:39.520 there are situations where divorce is acceptable to you of course yeah okay but here's my point

00:23:45.600 do you not think the two people involved in that marriage are the best people to judge when

00:23:49.840 that situation has arrived yeah i think if that was true i don't think it would be a 50 divorce rate

00:23:56.640 i don't think i don't think the number one reason wait i don't think the number one reason would be

00:24:00.800 financial but that's that yeah but that doesn't exist in the vacuum though like there is other things

00:24:05.680 like that's that changes when you add more details like are they more educated than it like i think it

00:24:10.400 lowers or if they're if they come from a two-family home where everyone is still married then it goes up like

00:24:16.160 it's there are things that change yeah it's fact so it's not like you know every time you get married

00:24:21.360 it's a coin flip it depends on your personal situation and things there are some situations

00:24:26.000 that are better and worse true yeah and there's some situations you're like you should get divorced

00:24:31.040 in your mind yeah except exceptions not the rule i don't i don't think 50 of marriages should end in

00:24:36.480 divorce and my whole point but like you're missing my point because you're trying you're trying to like

00:24:40.240 get me on something small wait wait wait it's the whole point is that we have a me me me culture

00:24:47.680 where it's me and my happiness before the family and where i think i should put my feelings before

00:24:52.720 the family in extreme situations sure i believe in divorce will smith i don't know if johnny deaf

00:24:58.400 was married to that woman but i'll give you both divorces i'll get wait wait i'll give you both divorces

00:25:05.120 but in general it's like we just have such a selfish like modern women are selfish yes and and it's 1.00

00:25:11.360 wait and it's about me before my family and i just think that's wrong but it's reflective of the

00:25:17.040 society we like in the uk and america we have very capitalist societies and that is individualism and if

00:25:22.800 you were in a more socialist society where it was more about the community then you would find families

00:25:27.040 wouldn't split up as often and and the fact is it's not just women like men and women equally are

00:25:32.240 becoming no no because women are the ones leaving women are the ones leaving women leave 70 to 80

00:25:37.120 percent of the time wait women leave 70 to 80 percent of the time 90 percent of their college 0.94

00:25:42.640 educated if anything i think women have become more selfish because we're bailed out of every bad 1.00

00:25:47.680 decision we may be allowed to be more selfish wait wait wait no i'll tell yeah because every time

00:25:56.000 we make a bad decision we're bailed out if we're bad with their money there's women's shelters if we sleep 1.00

00:25:59.840 around there's birth control if we get pregnant we can have an abortion wait if we if we don't give 1.00

00:26:04.400 the abortion and we get married they they can we can divorce them and take half if we or we can put 1.00

00:26:10.160 the kid on child support or the dad on child support go ahead i'd like to add as well um when it comes to

00:26:15.120 marriage that there's there's almost no incentive for a man to leave um more often than not there are

00:26:22.160 men who are just who are still breathing about dying every single as we're speaking right now so it's like

00:26:28.160 what you lose from a man leaving the marriage in comparison to women leaving marriage it's just 0.99

00:26:32.640 it's it's more incentivized for the women to leave it's just facts as a man a woman's going to take 1.00

00:26:37.440 half your money and you probably won't have access to your kids that's why it's cheaper to keep her 1.00

00:26:40.800 you know yeah most men will literally rather just like just fade one in four marriages one in four

00:26:48.400 marriages are sexless yeah oh and and like let's be honest is it the women not sleeping with the man or the 1.00

00:26:53.520 men not sleeping so why why are we even so at this point from what everybody is saying i'm

00:26:58.480 hearing it from all sides i feel like in today's society the safest and probably healthiest thing

00:27:06.560 for you to do is to have an agreement between a man and a woman who agree on the values that they want

00:27:13.360 to put on their child to grow feel to be whatever human they want that child to be and leave it as that

00:27:18.800 possession love marriage all of these things are fantasies that realistically in today's age

00:27:24.400 don't have as much standing what does have standing is a respectful relationship with somebody

00:27:29.120 and that doesn't mean you have to live together i would love listen i swear to god i would love to

00:27:33.760 to be able to have a man that will give me my children but he does not have to have me and we

00:27:38.960 can still cooperate and we can still raise the children together but you have your own house

00:27:43.680 i have my own house daddy has his own space he likes his house and daddy's house is your house

00:27:47.440 i have my own space i have my own house and mommy's house is also your house and daddy can come to my

00:27:51.840 house mommy can go to his house because we're good friends we get on really well we have a love for

00:27:55.840 each other why would you want it like that because i don't think i can i don't want i don't think i would

00:28:00.800 be happy for the rest of my life and i would be able to actually give the kind of love and the kind of

00:28:06.880 good energy and positivity to my child when i have somebody else attached to me that because in

00:28:13.520 so many ways because we're different people just in general they'll drag my energy down sometimes

00:28:17.600 and i don't think it's fair but you're putting your happiness before the kids

00:28:21.680 it goes back to like what i've been saying you're feeling twisted i'm going i'm teaching listen i'm

00:28:27.200 going the other way my happiness and this is the thing i know this very well because i know when my

00:28:31.760 mom came when we came to england i remember my mom had to work and all these things my mom's happiness

00:28:36.000 was something that was very important to us seeing her struggle seeing her suffering that way seeing it

00:28:41.120 to go through all of these things was really impactful on us are you not in control of your

00:28:45.440 emotions of course i can be in control of my emotions but if i'm happy okay so then can you can you put

00:28:50.640 on a happy front for your kids uh the thing is you can put on a happy front for your kids but this is

00:28:55.360 the thing about kids that most people tend to forget children are not stupid do you understand you can

00:29:00.640 always catch what you can always know when things are not okay with mommy or daddy things change your

00:29:05.120 behavior will change no matter how much you try to pretend and fake it it will always be visible and that's

00:29:09.840 why i would say nowadays save yourself and actually be with somebody not be with them forever but have

00:29:15.920 a good contract i think good relationship with that i think that's the future of dating as long i don't

00:29:20.720 think it's going to be the two house thing rent is too high in london but but but i do think that like

00:29:27.120 long term it's going to be like long-term relationships outside of marriage and if people do get married

00:29:31.520 they'll date for longer first yeah where it seems to be going i think that's what's going to be because

00:29:37.280 these days the way that we're talking about women at this manner that then nobody's trusting anybody 1.00

00:29:42.320 to actually have that commitment for life the only way you can have a commitment for life is if you

00:29:48.080 take away the possession and the me and you together and you make it about the child so it doesn't even

00:29:52.160 matter if you're together or not because what you love the most is that kid and you want that kid to

00:29:55.520 grow happy so you get on and it's reflected in all aspects of life you don't have a job for life anymore

00:30:00.400 you have a few jobs and whichever job gives you the most money you stick with like it's not

00:30:05.760 i don't i think the family is just what's it just shows what's happening in society it's just a

00:30:10.800 reflection i beg to differ um reason being is that um i think once you once you have a child

00:30:20.080 it's not it's no longer about you it's really about the children and if it just means that you just take

00:30:24.720 it as a job and in front of the children because what children are that sponges right and whatever

00:30:30.160 you're referring to is whatever your mum exposed to you or whatever your father exposed to you and

00:30:34.960 this if you're once you have children in my opinion you have to do the best that you can do to give

00:30:40.640 them the best possible upbringing in certain cases at your expense because as statistics suggest

00:30:50.000 that extra effort prevents a child from entering the prison system prevents a child from going

00:30:54.080 through certain development stages that they don't need to go through these kind of things so i just

00:30:57.520 think like once you have a child in the picture of marriage or not the child should be the priority

00:31:02.160 irrespective of where you stand you the child comes first before you in my opinion so that's that's pretty 0.99

00:31:07.440 as many of you know i was just banned on tick tock and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this

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JustPearlyThings - October 31, 2023

Modern Women REJECTS Single Fathers

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