JustPearlyThings - Modern Women's View Of HAPPINESS

00:00:00.000 Do you think that women can be happy for a lifetime single? 1.00

00:00:06.180 No.

00:00:07.820 Starting here and then go around, but we can all go ahead, go ahead.

00:00:12.340 To be honest, I think it depends on how you have a relationship whilst you're single.

00:00:19.060 Are you single whilst dating?

00:00:20.960 Are you single and still seeking a companionship?

00:00:24.680 Or are you just solely by yourself?

00:00:26.460 And I feel like if you're solely by yourself, I don't think you can actually 100% be happy on your own.

00:00:33.240 I don't think you have to be married to be happy in particular, but I do feel like you would need some kind of companionship, whether that's a long lasting one or one that lasts two or three years.

00:00:43.820 I feel like everyone seeks to have that kind of someone that they can share part of their life with.

00:00:51.020 Okay.

00:00:51.800 Yeah.

00:00:52.040 I think the main mission of women is to be in love. 1.00

00:00:56.400 And when you're not in love, you will never be happy.

00:00:59.660 You can have a career, you can be in Forbes, you can have millions, but when you're not in love, you have one gap inside you and you will be very looking for this because we're born to be in love.

00:01:12.460 It's our main mission, even not to be a mother, to be in love.

00:01:16.260 Okay.

00:01:17.460 Okay.

00:01:19.020 Yeah.

00:01:19.700 Sort of echo what everyone is saying.

00:01:21.540 So I feel that no one wants to be lonely, really.

00:01:26.100 I don't think anyone wants to be lonely.

00:01:28.140 And I think even if you have everything in life, materialistic wise, you want to share it with someone, whether it's family, a companion.

00:01:35.720 And so, yeah, whether it's a husband or your life partner, definitely something that adds value to life because we want to share our happiness.

00:01:44.640 So, yeah, I agree.

00:01:47.320 For me, there is a million answer for this question because there is a million factors that indicate and bring happiness and has a different definition for being single.

00:02:08.000 But if the single, your question means not being in a relationship with someone and which sort of relationship, marriage, being a partner, friendship?

00:02:18.840 So, yeah, so when I say single, I say not in a long-term relationship or married.

00:02:23.080 I know some people do like the seven, eight-year relationships.

00:02:25.860 I think that's a little different, but single for a lifetime or constantly between relationships.

00:02:31.880 Why not?

00:02:32.480 Of course, there is no rules that anyone must marry to be happy.

00:02:38.220 I think there is no fixed rule.

00:02:40.840 Many people are single and happy and many people are not single and, you know, are in a relationship and happy.

00:02:48.260 So, for me, why not?

00:02:50.820 Of course.

00:02:51.620 Okay.

00:02:52.660 Yeah, I think it's possible, but very unlikely.

00:02:56.940 Yeah, like I don't think women in general, and I think you can see that because women get on antidepressants 1.00

00:03:02.140 when we're old and single over the age of 45.

00:03:04.600 That's like the most women you see on antidepressants. 1.00

00:03:07.300 But for me as a healthcare professional, I met many people, many patients, many clients that are single and they're happy.

00:03:18.820 But what is the definition of happy?

00:03:20.680 You know, it's a very vague happiness.

00:03:23.420 That is a very good point.

00:03:24.600 Yeah, yeah.

00:03:25.160 Define as how, if a scale of one to ten, how much you're happy.

00:03:31.480 You know, if you say happy, it's just very vague for me.

00:03:34.480 Yeah, I think women can be happy single until their looks fade. 1.00

00:03:37.520 I think that's typically when the happiness goes, in my opinion.

00:03:42.160 Yeah.

00:03:42.860 Interesting.

00:03:43.340 Go ahead.

00:03:45.500 This is a question for the women, right? 1.00

00:03:47.680 No, what do you think?

00:03:48.880 No, no, this is a question for you.

00:03:50.020 So, I mean, you're 40, 41?

00:03:52.540 42.

00:03:52.660 42, okay.

00:03:54.120 And you've seen women that stayed single, right?

00:03:56.920 Yeah.

00:03:57.140 So, what's your opinion?

00:03:57.900 Do you think women can stay single and happy for a lifetime? 1.00

00:04:02.240 I would say for a man or a woman, I mean, happiness comes from within.

00:04:07.700 But, I think it is.

00:04:10.340 I think when you get older, you start seeing your parents pass away, your grandparents pass

00:04:14.220 away, and you get lonely.

00:04:16.760 What happens when you get sick?

00:04:18.680 I know when I got sick, my wife helped me.

00:04:22.280 I was bleeding, sick.

00:04:24.880 You know, she helped me.

00:04:25.980 She helped me when I couldn't stand up.

00:04:28.400 And when I got out of the hospital, my daughter was there and my wife was there.

00:04:31.220 I couldn't imagine someone going through something where they get sick and they don't have a wife

00:04:39.080 and daughter.

00:04:40.880 So, I would say you might feel happy when you're single and alone, but what are you going to

00:04:46.800 do when your boys, your girls, they got married, they get married, they get family, and they

00:04:52.200 got kids, and, you know, they move on.

00:04:54.480 Once your friends start getting married and having kids, you're going to start seeing a

00:04:57.900 little bit of distance, I think.

00:04:59.840 And that's natural.

00:05:00.780 Yeah.

00:05:03.360 Literally, following on from what this gentleman's saying, I agree.

00:05:07.020 And taking points of what everyone has said, it's like, what is happiness first and foremost?

00:05:11.900 And yes, we're, you know, centering this conversation around women, but I think it applies equally

00:05:17.100 to men.

00:05:17.940 A man, and you were saying, as their looks fades, beauty, it doesn't mean one thing for women 1.00

00:05:23.860 and one thing for men.

00:05:24.960 We're all physical beings.

00:05:26.400 Our beauty and our looks fade over time equally.

00:05:28.860 So, no, they do not.

00:05:30.520 Women's looks fade much quicker than men. 1.00

00:05:32.860 Not necessarily.

00:05:33.360 But if you look at, even if they've done studies on facial elasticity, so it's how much men's,

00:05:37.700 like, like the wrinkles in your skin come women versus men.

00:05:40.640 Women wrinkle faster than men. 1.00

00:05:42.640 Fair point.

00:05:43.640 However, I stand on the point that I'm saying that, you know, taking away the point you're

00:05:48.600 making about beauty.

00:05:49.380 Even if you're not married and you choose to be a single person in terms of when you tick

00:05:54.720 the box, you are single.

00:05:56.760 Even if you tick the box and you're cohabiting or, you know, you have a partner.

00:06:00.060 Right.

00:06:00.180 I think there's a longing within everybody.

00:06:02.180 Everybody wants to know that they are cared for by somebody, that they are loved by somebody,

00:06:05.840 that somebody is going to take care of them in their time of need.

00:06:08.520 So, I don't think it applies to women. 1.00

00:06:11.180 I think men as well.

00:06:11.880 Even if men are alone, you can, you can earn all the money that you want.

00:06:15.180 You can buy all the big houses, but you're going to buy a big house and live in it alone.

00:06:18.080 Is that going to make you happy?

00:06:19.300 You can buy the big fast cars and drive them alone.

00:06:21.520 I have a question.

00:06:22.120 Are you going to be happy?

00:06:22.480 Because I've thought about this, right?

00:06:24.080 And I, and I, and I kind of go, I go both sides because sometimes I think of Hugh Hefner.

00:06:28.980 Was that man unhappy?

00:06:32.180 I've seen, I've seen Hugh Hefner on a Wednesday night at Concord.

00:06:36.120 No way.

00:06:36.620 Yeah.

00:06:37.120 And nightclub in Hollywood around 2004.

00:06:40.220 And I remember seeing Hugh Hefner, but like on a Tuesday night, like five women. 1.00

00:06:46.720 I don't know if he was deep down happy or not, but he seemed like he was having a good time.

00:06:51.900 Yeah.

00:06:52.300 But I don't know.

00:06:53.140 Well, because it's like, we have this idea that like men are, if they don't get married and have kids, they'll be lonely too.

00:06:59.320 And I just don't see it the same for men and for women.

00:07:02.000 I think women get much more lonely the older they get. 0.99

00:07:05.320 I don't think so.

00:07:06.500 Cause I feel like men, when they lose their spouses, they tend to actually become more depressant.

00:07:13.000 Entering depression, actually, women losing their spouses.

00:07:16.980 So, and even when it comes to family.

00:07:19.380 Yeah.

00:07:19.720 I don't, I don't think that's the same though.

00:07:21.320 Cause that's like the loss of a partner.

00:07:23.000 That's not never getting a partner.

00:07:24.620 Oh, by, oh, so your question is if a woman never gets a partner. 0.99

00:07:28.200 Yeah.

00:07:28.540 If she ends up single.

00:07:29.900 Oh, okay.

00:07:32.040 I think my point is, it depends on the community she has and the other relationships she has. 0.52

00:07:38.460 I get it.

00:07:39.520 There is this thing about, but there are so many women who are married and not happy as well. 1.00

00:07:45.440 Like, you know, so when we say about single woman being happy, my question then arises is, have you got those relationships?

00:07:54.160 Like I'm from a very big family and I, I tell you from friends to my neighbors, to everybody, like right now I'm single.

00:08:03.080 I've been married for 18 years.

00:08:04.880 I am much happier right now than I've ever been.

00:08:07.760 And if you ask me, would I rather be with the person with him, I'm miserable or not because, you know, um, it also about compatibility and stuff like that.

00:08:18.380 But as a single woman right now, I feel like it's about compatibility, uh, with, with the men as well, because obviously a man or the other person can't make, keep you happy all the time either.

00:08:29.640 So when we are talking about our happiness, then it comes from within.

00:08:34.180 So if it comes from within, that's what I was.

00:08:36.360 Yeah, you, I think the only thing I would say then the order is, okay, that physical connection with somebody you can hug and say, this is mine, but anything else, you know, if you want to go for a cup of coffee, a man probably doesn't, might not want to do it at that time.

00:08:53.540 Sorry, no, go ahead.

00:08:54.620 So I was just saying, you can go by yourself and have that coffee.

00:08:59.380 Do you translate that as single yourself, although you're still in a relationship with someone?

00:09:04.180 So my point is a woman can stay single and happy. 0.98

00:09:08.780 It's just, um, how you're interpreting it in the sense of, um, like a woman cannot stay single.

00:09:18.040 If she has really good relationships around her, her girlfriends could be her closest friends.

00:09:23.660 Like one of my single friends say, if I don't find the right guy, I'll just, when I'm old and I'm fragile, I'll get all my single girlfriends and we'll live in the same house and we'll live happily together.

00:09:35.760 Like, you know, because at that time you need help.

00:09:38.140 Have you ever seen sorority houses?

00:09:40.220 They all fight like mad.

00:09:41.320 But I'm just saying, who is it?

00:09:44.980 Is it because, because the man is not there?

00:09:48.560 But yeah, yeah, I think it is.

00:09:50.940 I can't even imagine like life at six.

00:09:53.520 Like what does life at 60 look like without a man? 0.88

00:09:56.260 Um, I'm basically, I disagree with this statement that man brings happiness.

00:10:03.180 It's a very old and classic statement and phrases that they said, happiness should come through the within of you.

00:10:11.020 May I?

00:10:12.160 And, and it should come, you have to be happy.

00:10:16.520 You know, you'll find happiness, definition of happiness in your life.

00:10:19.740 And if there is a gentleman wants to come to your life, they will add something to that.

00:10:25.560 Not because they bring the happiness.

00:10:27.980 They will add something.

00:10:29.280 Well, my, my point is I don't think women typically are happy over a certain age with no, no man or kids. 0.99

00:10:35.480 I think women get happiness from relationships. 1.00

00:10:37.360 And when women don't have relationships, I just don't, I don't think that they're happy. 1.00

00:10:41.020 How many people are in a relationship and unhappy is I don't, I don't see any, you know, scientific logic behind this sentence that we need a man at a certain age.

00:10:51.520 Well, I'll say like what I, what I would say to, what I would say to indicate that is that women are in antidepressants at a higher rate when they don't get married.

00:10:58.500 And they don't have children like that as the single most, like most medicated group.

00:11:02.800 This is what they choose, you know, this is why they select.

00:11:06.580 They want to be, why should everyone be a mother? 1.00

00:11:09.620 May I?

00:11:09.940 Why should everyone die?

00:11:11.060 Yeah, I'm not, I'm not saying every person has to be a mother, but the majority of women wanted kids. 1.00

00:11:16.200 So the majority of women that don't have kids, like initially wanted kids. 1.00

00:11:19.640 Um, I, you know, in science or in my part, you have to bring the numbers and you have to bring them, you know, you have to bring some, a very strong logic.

00:11:35.640 When you said majority of women, where? 1.00

00:11:38.240 Well, they surveyed, they surveyed, they surveyed, they surveyed a couple thousand women. 0.91

00:11:42.540 I can't remember the exact institution, but it was a college in the U S they surveyed, I think 3,000 to 5,000 women asking if they wanted, that were single and did not have kids asking if they wanted kids.

00:11:52.280 And I want to say it was 80, 85.

00:11:54.480 I can't off the top of my head, 85.

00:11:56.140 Many countries are the rate of, you know, having a child is goes negative, you know?

00:12:02.780 So they are not happy, you're right, you're right, well, they are not happy, they are happy.

00:12:06.080 Well, I do, I do think, I do think it has short-term happiness.

00:12:09.980 I absolutely do.

00:12:10.980 I think there's, what does it mean short-term happiness?

00:12:12.980 Short-term happiness, that means they're happy now, but they're not happy in the long-term.

00:12:16.280 Because again, life, life looks really different at, at 60 than it does at 25, at 35, go ahead.

00:12:23.880 I actually think that most women don't really know what happy is, but I actually read a statistic that showed that 1.00

00:12:32.280 women are the happiest when they're given a blowjob. 1.00

00:12:35.980 What? 1.00

00:12:37.980 Oh, really?

00:12:41.480 Pearl, may I interrupt?

00:12:42.980 No, but it's actually real.

00:12:44.980 Go ahead.

00:12:45.980 Yeah, go ahead.

00:12:46.980 Yeah, go ahead.

00:12:47.980 So, predominantly, I think we have middle-aged women here, all maybe married, divorced. 0.95

00:12:53.980 We're in that situation where I think most of us are divorced at the moment.

00:12:58.980 And I think we're kidding ourselves when we're saying we're going to be happy without a man 0.99

00:13:03.680 and that we don't need to get married.

00:13:05.180 We need a man.

00:13:06.180 And...

00:13:07.180 I don't think no one is saying that here.

00:13:08.680 What was the question?

00:13:10.680 No one is saying that here.

00:13:11.680 Let's reiterate the question.

00:13:12.680 Can women be happy for a lifetime single? 1.00

00:13:14.680 No, they cannot.

00:13:15.680 They cannot.

00:13:16.680 So, if any, like, most, I think, have said yes, they can.

00:13:19.680 No, they cannot.

00:13:20.680 Because when they're single, they're still looking.

00:13:22.680 They're on dating websites.

00:13:23.880 And, you know, you're like, you said you were 43 and you're happy and you're single

00:13:30.380 and you're in the, because you're beautiful, you're still beautiful, but you will age, you

00:13:35.180 will get older, comes health and, you know, you will need a partner.

00:13:39.680 But who guaranteed it, that partner will be there when I needed him, you know, in terms

00:13:46.780 of that happiness, because I feel like one man cannot provide you with everything.

00:13:52.780 If you have a community of people, if you have lots of amazing relationships...

00:13:56.780 It's commitment.

00:13:57.780 Commitment is man.

00:13:58.780 I'm not saying...

00:14:00.780 See, there are other needs that a man can fulfill for a woman. 0.88

00:14:05.780 Yes, they are there.

00:14:06.780 But happiness is not the grounding for, oh, I need to have a man because he's going to make

00:14:14.780 me happy for life.

00:14:16.780 You have to make yourself happy.

00:14:17.780 You have to learn to love yourself, make yourself happy.

00:14:19.780 Yeah.

00:14:20.780 There are other needs, obviously.

00:14:21.780 But God made a man because you cannot fulfill that gap.

00:14:25.780 See...

00:14:26.780 That's what I believe.

00:14:27.780 I believe you will need a man eventually.

00:14:29.780 I personally think, my personal experience, after being in a marriage for 18 years, I always

00:14:34.780 see men as like a security for me, coming from an Asian background.

00:14:39.780 It's always just like, he's my, he's my back.

00:14:42.780 Like, so other men can't approach me.

00:14:45.780 I feel safe.

00:14:46.780 I feel protected.

00:14:48.780 That's something I can say, yes, a man can provide for life.

00:14:52.780 And when I become single, I'm exposed to all these men's because I'm single now.

00:14:56.780 So I've learned, I've learned for men to approach me, and I've done so much self-work

00:15:01.780 and growth.

00:15:02.780 If a man approaches me, I'm like, no, I'm not available.

00:15:05.780 I'm in a relationship.

00:15:06.780 It's you.

00:15:07.780 You need to work on your self-love and you need your self-control.

00:15:11.780 So if somebody comes to you and wants you, no, I'm in a relationship.

00:15:14.780 Absolutely.

00:15:15.780 You can say that.

00:15:16.780 But what I'm saying is, once you are married, you just have that, okay, that's my protection

00:15:21.780 there.

00:15:22.780 That's my security.

00:15:23.780 Maybe it's the way I've been raised as well.

00:15:25.780 Like, you know, so for me, that urge of, okay, having that protection or leaning on someone

00:15:30.780 when you're finding like, as a single mom challenges around kids and stuff, who can I lean on?

00:15:35.780 Or so it's interesting.

00:15:37.780 You're just-

00:15:38.780 Um, yeah

JustPearlyThings - July 04, 2023

Modern Women's View Of HAPPINESS

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