JustPearlyThings - Modern Women SHARES Abortion Experience

00:00:00.000 do you guys know somebody that's had an abortion yes i'm so starting here go around and then

00:00:06.160 second row and then what was their experience like or your experience if you want to share it

00:00:12.160 um yeah i have i definitely have and um from the outside looking in it doesn't look very

00:00:21.680 obviously it's an emotional it's an emotional thing to go through i wouldn't wish that situation

00:00:28.800 in a hole on anybody because it is and it must be a tough decision very tough decision to make

00:00:35.280 it's sad to watch people go through stuff like that so did you say you had one yourself or you

00:00:40.800 know i've seen you've seen one so what was the reason they had one um probably just like to be

00:00:48.560 fair i don't live their life so i don't really know what they was really going through to be

00:00:54.080 faith people only choose to tell you what they want you to know so from what i do know um

00:01:00.800 i don't think it was the right time for them or something like that okay yeah right time okay go

00:01:05.280 ahead yeah same here i've i've seen quite a few of my friends going through it and i feel like as

00:01:13.680 soon as you start speaking about it that's when you start realizing there's actually more women than you 0.71

00:01:18.720 think that actually go through it each year it's actually crazy and um it's something that it's

00:01:26.160 actually hard to pick a side actually for me i was like pro-life pro-choice is something that i

00:01:31.440 understand both parts and i feel like it's just depending on the person their situation there's a

00:01:36.640 lot of things to take in account so it's actually a tough decision and it's something really hard to go

00:01:43.120 through it definitely okay what was the reason they had one some people don't mention the reasons

00:01:50.080 i think it's something very like intimate each each one like so you that friend didn't didn't tell you

00:01:55.920 why they had one not necessarily yeah but most of the time it's because it's bad timing wrong person

00:02:02.640 personal i know like financial issue this type of things definitely okay bad timing person go ahead um

00:02:11.280 i'm pretty agree with you claire for me i would say the most earliest abortion news was from one of

00:02:18.160 my friend uh and it was in high school obviously it was too early for her to you know to have the baby 0.96

00:02:26.480 and she had to do the abortion and that's one of the reason i support i mean kind of in middle but if

00:02:33.520 i have to choose one i go for a pro choice but luckily um her boyfriend that time would stay with 0.91

00:02:41.440 her all the all the process so it wasn't he was he was like support did he want it too

00:02:48.560 um i think both of both of them um didn't want didn't want the baby okay it was too early okay

00:02:54.560 okay um okay um so yeah uh once and i actually understand her very much because um she had been

00:03:06.080 like a fantastic mother to two other children oh so she already had two she had two children um and 1.00

00:03:12.400 she had sort of sacrificed her education and sort of moving forward in life and then she met this guy

00:03:20.560 who just knew that like we are perfect for each other but she was very uncertain and then um she

00:03:27.600 became pregnant after a month but then like she had two other children and she wanted to and the two 0.56

00:03:34.000 other kids were sorry i'm just they were not okay yeah okay but she was like and then she chose to

00:03:40.640 take care of the children that she had instead of bringing in like another child i actually think it 0.99

00:03:46.960 was twins so it would have been like two other people um and she told me kind of like a little bit

00:03:53.360 shameful and i think she felt very relieved when i said like i don't understand you and i don't think

00:04:01.040 she had gotten that reaction from other people before yeah okay um so what was her reasoning just

00:04:09.440 like she didn't want two different dads or she didn't think she could take care of the kid money money 0.99

00:04:14.480 yeah yeah i mean they were living in like a basement flat and she was sort of her entire life revolved around

00:04:23.360 um her two children like she couldn't afford bringing in two other a third kid yeah like four 1.00

00:04:29.920 having four children and and then i mean she didn't want to uh you know risk having another dad leaving

00:04:39.120 again you know okay yeah what about you yeah i know loads i think i mean one in three women in our 0.54

00:04:45.680 country has an abortion in their lifetime so all of us know tons and it's way more common than people 0.98

00:04:50.160 realize so yeah i know people who have had an abortion who thought it was the right decision 0.99

00:04:54.960 i know people who have had an abortion and then ended up being pro-life activists i know people

00:04:58.720 that have done abortions you know as doctors or whatever so yeah it's extremely common and everyone

00:05:03.520 reacts in different ways as we've seen already yeah like calms said so many two specifically come to

00:05:10.160 mind i guess one who was at 19 one who was 35 uh so 19 year old girl really heartbreaking uh story that she

00:05:17.680 ended up doing performing her own abortion at home uh through the pills by post scheme that's now

00:05:21.920 available in the uk that abortion providers can just send at pills by post and she did her oh really

00:05:26.960 they send you abortion by mail here exactly wow so this started in the pandemic and it's now continued on

00:05:32.720 past the pandemic so she had a really terrible experience and now um she actually yeah has joined

00:05:37.920 a more pro-life stance uh and another 35 was was more similar in that she she already had kids and she 1.00

00:05:44.560 was looking to take a step up in her career uh so that was more she was more of a stable situation 0.85

00:05:48.720 but but made that choice okay go ahead um i don't know anyone personally but then sometimes i actually

00:05:56.320 think maybe i do know someone that's had it but they haven't been vocal about it because obviously

00:06:03.920 i mean there is still the stigma with abortion which i personally think there shouldn't be i think

00:06:08.720 it should be what you do with your body is your choice really i think there should be more stigma

00:06:14.320 really yes see we're we're completely different yeah very different yeah i think we should have

00:06:18.880 the most stigma yeah okay so very interesting so completely yeah i think i think we should

00:06:24.160 stigmatize it more okay interesting yes but it's okay keep going keep going so yeah so i don't i don't

00:06:30.320 personally know anyone um but again maybe there is someone that i know that's close to me that i just

00:06:36.720 just didn't tell you yeah exactly i i'm i'm not sure but yeah okay but so as far as you know now as

00:06:41.840 far as i'm concerned no but but it could have it could have happened yeah one out of three is it big

00:06:46.720 it's yeah exactly okay go ahead um i know quite a few people that have had abortions um i've got

00:06:56.240 friends that have had abortions and then regretted it um which is awful to see um and i've had friends that

00:07:06.000 are completely against it and um part of them and i can see that part of them want to be

00:07:16.800 they they wanted to get an abortion because they have been in a and what i meant by i'm in the middle

00:07:24.880 is there's so many it just all depends there's so many situations like um one of my friends in

00:07:33.680 particular um she's in an extremely toxic situation um didn't have the means didn't have you know the

00:07:46.080 work there was no uh stability there was no um thought so she was in like a toxic relationship

00:07:55.200 extremely toxic relationship but not just a relationship a whole like the life a lifestyle

00:08:00.800 everything um and what like what's worse bringing a baby into an extremely knowing that it's extremely

00:08:11.920 toxic situation um and this child not being able to live and be a child and um spend their life

00:08:22.720 um affected mentally emotionally and then they have to spend the rest of their life struggling through

00:08:33.040 therapy and um trying to heal off after all this mess um and and then she she'll feel guilty about it

00:08:47.440 right um or to get an abortion i would say the second and yes the second so i i this is why i really do

00:08:59.680 think it depends and i think it's every situation is different i think ones especially that is going to

00:09:06.000 it's like it's it's apparently supposed to be about saving um like pro-life saving the child but pro-choice

00:09:17.840 could also save a child from a lifetime i just but the way i think about it like i think it'd make more

00:09:24.000 sense to tell women don't date toxic men and don't put yourself in that situation rather than you know

00:09:29.680 which i'm not saying you said or you didn't but it's like why are you in that situation to begin with

00:09:34.480 you know what i mean yeah well i agree but there's um there was also one of the people that i know

00:09:39.440 that got an abortion was a drug addict and she was and when i say drug addict i mean full-on 1.00

00:09:50.560 heroin and all of that and she knew she couldn't stop it she knew she wanted to stop it but she got

00:09:56.640 pregnant and she wanted to keep the baby and what what i don't you know there's people like that that um 1.00

00:10:04.480 i agree with but then i also hear stories but then i'd say get off of drugs oh i'd say get off

00:10:10.880 with drugs i'd say stop dating that waste man but it's like we agree yeah we're on the same this is

00:10:17.440 why i'm like i'm in the middle i don't have a no and a yes it's it's all depends okay all depends okay

00:10:25.760 what about you i feel like i do know uh women that have had an abortion however they haven't told me as

00:10:32.240 they're going through it i think it's something that they probably only maybe share with you know

00:10:37.520 people that are really close to them or you know maybe other women or something but um i've had

00:10:44.480 people tell me that you know that they've had it's happened to them in the past they've made that

00:10:48.000 decision you know in the past um however i suppose the reasons have been already mentioned today you

00:10:54.560 know it could be because they're young it could be because they're not with the right person you

00:11:01.520 know they might not feel like they're gonna get adequate financial support when you think about

00:11:05.520 it who's the right person someone that's gonna support you well i would think like most people

00:11:10.080 like i mean you'd be surprised if half of us are getting divorced anyway it's like most people are

00:11:14.480 with the wrong person anyway but you know what i hear you however like some people the relationship

00:11:20.000 doesn't work out however they still do their best for their child but some people they don't care

00:11:25.360 in the beginning with they never cared and those are the people shouldn't be having kids yeah well

00:11:29.600 i just think that's like the woman's fault yeah because why'd you pick him you know what i mean 0.63

00:11:34.160 the thing is yeah i agree with you i agree with you i agree with you 100 like it's the women however 1.00

00:11:38.960 sometimes men present themselves in a certain way and it's a facade well i think then you should you

00:11:43.520 know so some women they they get tricked well i think maybe we should you know then take longer to 1.00

00:11:48.560 like sleep with them and tell you i agree 100 yeah do you think really 100 chicks to really 1.00

00:11:53.840 taking that no no no no they say 50 percent wait hold on i found a new stat 50 percent of women do 1.00

00:11:59.840 not wear a condom with a new partner it's crazy that's crazy because it's not just a baby you can

00:12:04.560 get diseases from that as well that's just crazy 50 it's actually 53 percent if we're gonna go a little 0.70

00:12:11.440 yeah anyways go on what about you also gross on the men's part i'm gonna be honest um more on the

00:12:17.200 women though i would put it way more on the women yes it's both gross um so yeah i i do have a story 0.98

00:12:23.120 and i hope that this will endear me to the pro-lifers a little bit because it's a personal story

00:12:27.840 not me but my mom had an abortion and um she had announced the pregnancy to all of her kids she was

00:12:36.560 intending on keeping it however um this was a while back and i was a kid as well we didn't have access or

00:12:45.600 good access to the internet or at least my mom didn't know how to use it too good so my mom had 0.79

00:12:51.040 all of her kids in her 30s but by this point she was now 40 and she had been i guess scared that by

00:12:59.120 the increasing statistical chance of down syndrome now my mom's friend had a kid with down syndrome

00:13:06.080 so she went to see her friend she spoke to her about it a bunch and in the end she decided that

00:13:12.400 if that was going to be the end result that she couldn't manage she did have four kids already 0.72

00:13:18.720 um but if she had been able to know or someone had actually told her that the statistical likelihood

00:13:25.440 of having a child with down syndrome was incredibly low just because it's increased she'd had a healthy

00:13:31.360 kid two years before i think she would have kept the kid because we were she wouldn't have announced it 0.95

00:13:38.240 to all of her children otherwise so i do think and i i was excited i only have brothers so i was like

00:13:44.480 heck yeah this will be my sister finally i was like to my mom can i name it if it's a girl so it wasn't

00:13:50.480 a happy situation it wasn't done lightly and i do think it was done um sadly considering that it was based

00:13:59.680 out of being scared and not having that information that she might have made a different decision otherwise

00:14:05.440 do you think the doctors pushed her to do it no they didn't push her but by providing the statistics

00:14:12.000 we're saying there's an increased chance it's not telling you how still how small that is especially

00:14:16.480 if you've just had a child two years prior and all of your children have been healthy it's just what

00:14:22.320 did your dad think about it um so this was not my dad um i have one brother and then i have two half

00:14:28.640 brothers um i think they were both sad about it it wasn't it wasn't um yeah it wasn't a decision that

00:14:35.760 was taken lightly yeah so this is why i think abortion should be banned i would ban it no exceptions 1.00

00:14:44.240 well i'm definitely not okay with the lack of information and i do think that sometimes

00:14:49.760 people get scared because they're like oh if you haven't had a kid by 35 then it's a geriatric

00:14:54.240 pregnancy um but we should be evaluating these things on a case-by-case basis um fertility is a

00:15:00.640 whole other thing and it's you know you shouldn't be scaring people out of what might be otherwise

00:15:05.360 healthy pregnancies if they actually want to keep them because the majority of abortions are had by

00:15:11.120 women that already have children 60 percent

00:15:17.440 wow you think they'd keep them then they already did oh for my mom's case yeah it was

00:15:22.480 being not talking about your mom i'm just talking about the stats in general i think usually when

00:15:27.040 it's mothers that are having abortions it may be because they they think they can't cope i think 0.99

00:15:32.560 it's less money and it's more coping if you've got two or three or in my case my mom's case four kids

00:15:40.080 and then she's thinking it might be disabled as well you start to think oh i can't cope i'm gonna like

00:15:46.320 die from stress like i'm gonna fall apart um obviously that's not necessarily the case

00:15:52.160 um and it can come from you know not feeling like you have enough support one way or the other

00:15:57.440 um but i think it usually comes from being scared in some way

00:16:04.000 yeah but i just think we have like a a better quality of living than we've had in all of human

00:16:09.120 history generally speaking but i think after a certain point you don't get any additional like

00:16:13.840 child tax credits and benefits beyond is it the third child yeah but then like my answer is going to

00:16:21.440 get married stay married yeah um well

00:16:28.080 that that that's dependent on whether or your husband is successful at taking care of you and

00:16:33.280 to be fair on men you might be able to happily support two kids but four five six just might

00:16:39.360 be out of your budget right and i know that's a tough thing to say but i don't think money should

00:16:45.200 be a predominant factor in deciding this but it is a factor

JustPearlyThings - July 02, 2023

Modern Women SHARES Abortion Experience

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