JustPearlyThings - July 16, 2023


Modern Women Shares Experience In Relationship And BREAK-UPS


Episode Stats

Length

10 minutes

Words per Minute

187.12936

Word Count

1,988

Sentence Count

1


Summary


Transcript

00:00:00.000 do you think like women always say they don't want toxic men but is there something about us
00:00:05.040 that maybe we like the games yes no personally i don't even personally i don't like the games
00:00:12.600 i don't like yeah i don't i feel like there's a lot of like um childish stuff that goes with
00:00:18.180 toxicity which i don't like okay i think it depends on so i don't think you like the toxicity i think
00:00:24.580 you like the person and maybe you do like the toxicity because you like that person like it's
00:00:28.840 a part of them but i just feel like you're more attractive person so you take that you know how
00:00:34.320 like it's like for better for worse yeah you kind of take that from that do you get what i'm saying
00:00:38.460 i get what you're saying but for better for worse i'm not
00:00:41.800 you know we can do better for ourselves it depends on how much you want for yourself like if you say
00:00:52.320 do you know what i want better i have this standard up here like for me right now i'm like i'm there's
00:00:56.720 a standard i want there's like a level of commitment and um generosity and attitude and
00:01:05.260 behavior i want from a person so it's like i hold that so sacred i feel like it depends on
00:01:09.660 how you hold yourself so you can say no depending on like even if you really love that person it's like
00:01:16.080 you want yourself more i think it's also the fact that you expect the best out of your partner
00:01:21.220 like you see them in such a highlight that you don't expect them to treat you poorly until it
00:01:26.040 happens and you're like well they've never done this before so they won't do it again
00:01:29.500 yeah so again and you're like what's going on here and you keep letting them do it and you're like damn
00:01:35.360 okay how are you gonna change are you gonna do something different but i love them so much because
00:01:40.220 we stuck through all of this garbage when we don't need to so that's why love is blind
00:01:45.500 don't get me started wait so so question when how long were you in the relationship before you
00:01:52.920 realized it was toxic because for me it didn't start out that way did it start out that way for you
00:01:57.480 guys they put on like a an act i feel like or maybe they have this um ideology they want to be
00:02:05.820 and i think that's what it was in my scenario they had this ideology of who they want to be and they
00:02:10.720 acted like that i believed it more for me and i believed it and then obviously you get when you
00:02:19.360 get deep into a relationship you even when you're around that person a lot you get to see a lot of
00:02:24.160 their traits good or bad um you get to see a lot of their behavior their attitudes how they react to
00:02:29.340 situations how they handle situations like when you have an argument which is okay in a relationship
00:02:33.880 arguments are toxic i think it's just how you handle that argument um how they handle situations and
00:02:39.980 then you're like oh that's not you that's not how you portrayed yourself to be and they like they
00:02:44.880 put up this image so you're like oh so why when the toxic stuff happens why don't we leave right away
00:02:50.780 it comes from experience because as a teenager i was dumb enough to stick around i'm just like
00:03:08.240 that's my map i'm going to stick the side i was like you don't need to and after i realized my
00:03:13.960 worth after i realized like that's it bitch i'm amazing
00:03:16.980 why is this bitch cheating on me with shirley like
00:03:21.340 oh my gosh it is never it is never the hot girl i was like i'm still worrying about ugly girl
00:03:28.200 i think it's like also attachment issues like you're kind of attached to what you have like
00:03:43.360 for me in my experience i can speak on it um for example like for the first maybe a month
00:03:48.920 it was great and it was locked this is lockdown lockdown so it's like when covid started see
00:03:54.500 that's not the time to have a relationship yeah that's not the time well everybody had an
00:03:58.940 accidental relationship like six talking stages at once exactly you know what i wish i had you
00:04:04.260 there wait wait what did you say six talking you're gonna tell me that people did not talk to several
00:04:09.000 people during the pandemic you're lying because you can't you can't go out you can't go out
00:04:14.060 i think it's attachment as well like i was in my relationship like lockdown like prior to right
00:04:31.780 before lockdown but then lockdown happened so i'm stuck in that so you're in a bubble as well
00:04:36.280 so it was like oh my god so i feel like you get this facade and then you're kind of for example
00:04:42.520 i low-key have attachment issues high key on the low-key
00:04:45.700 that was like a big thing like so it's like i'm like i'll really stick like ride you through that
00:04:54.520 and then it's like you don't really see a lot of things when you're kind of in this bubble you're
00:04:59.380 like you put them on this pedestal like you're so attracted to them like the problem is having
00:05:04.660 no actually actually question is is the toxic relationship that you were in the best sex you've
00:05:14.380 ever had yeah no no no but yeah absolutely not absolutely not yeah i think it's toxic you like
00:05:25.840 do you ever hear like what you shouldn't have is what is the best thing like that you'll ever enjoy
00:05:31.260 but what you should do for yourself that's actually what's actually best for you isn't
00:05:36.360 it's like what's best for you is always the hardest thing to do for you yourself because it's like you
00:05:56.640 really need to go through the hardest stuff you need to pull that discipline self like self
00:06:00.980 discipline the problem is we get comfortable yeah come be out of your comfort zone all of that
00:06:06.600 in order to really do what's best for you like it's never ever going to be easy i think we always think
00:06:10.440 it is like yeah we can have easy sex and great sex with a guy that's toxic but in five years or in
00:06:16.020 actually let me give you six months or two weeks
00:06:18.780 it's gonna it's gonna affect your life it affects your mentality it affects how you have future
00:06:28.200 relationships whether that's a relationship with your future husband um or actually your partner
00:06:32.100 like girl or boy or your friendships it affects how you act in that because that's where trust issues
00:06:37.740 stems from a lot of issues do stem from that it could be from your family that other issues
00:06:41.920 that is how it starts so yeah so question for the come from good relationships good homing good
00:06:47.520 everything and they can get in a toxic relationship and they can mess them up for the toxic relationship
00:06:52.560 you were in how long were you in it okay two months three four months wow that that okay two months
00:07:01.520 it depends on which one i'm talking about but we're gonna talk about the worst one yeah it took like
00:07:07.540 two years two years but it was codependency two years three months happy three months so oh so you
00:07:19.000 guys you get the basketball girls leave as soon as you switch up i'm not giving you another chance
00:07:26.500 switch up on me i'm like bye i got to a point where he messed up and then i think he tried to check me
00:07:31.420 about that because he felt so paranoid around me like look like his phone or something and then i was
00:07:35.360 like i was like you're actually being a joke i was like you're probably about me i was like me
00:07:42.320 after you messed up i was like no you're actually a joke like i checked him out i was like no i'm
00:07:48.260 actually too good for this i think for me to be fair like for that two-year relationship that was when i
00:07:52.880 was 18 yeah i was like 18 19 so you know like this was my first time in college being with somebody
00:07:58.880 like super close all the time like because you know my parents were on my ass like they're not
00:08:02.900 gonna let no boy come into the house oh yeah so it was like that codependency kicked in very fast
00:08:08.520 because i was around him all the time and i just let shit slide and he let shit slide on my end too
00:08:13.120 you're bad for him on that but yeah he definitely did me worse than i did him i'm not gonna lie to you
00:08:17.760 but i grew from that relationship and i figured out how to get my shit together and realized like
00:08:23.440 i definitely deserve way better than so then did you never have a toxic relationship again
00:08:27.620 since then no actually okay so for the most part they were healthy
00:08:32.140 off from that i feel like that's where we actually need to play off like we need to accept our part in
00:08:37.840 this stuff i we can talk about toxic men all we like yeah we were toxic too okay okay cool i had a
00:08:44.120 man i ain't gonna lie i definitely gone through my man's phone like like wait wait wait out of
00:08:48.860 everyone here how many have gone through a guy's phone before no never i haven't since then not my
00:08:54.860 phone so basically with my guy called three months before months into it i think there was a time i was
00:09:01.000 like he was acting so jealous and i was like why are you acting so jealous like there must be something
00:09:06.420 you want to hide so for the first time in my whole life in my whole relationship life i went through
00:09:12.840 his laptop okay what'd you find so you know how max and iphone syncs up
00:09:18.740 so i'm confident i'm like oh this is your ex ting this is your ex i'm like what's going on here i'm
00:09:25.460 like why are we seeing facetime calls and you're in a relationship with me why am i seeing text messages
00:09:29.700 i'm like no way this is crazy so i also feel like we do play our plot like essentially like it takes
00:09:36.320 two i always believe that i would never blame the guy for everything that's happened in our
00:09:40.700 relationship the yeah messy calls me mentally right because i feel like i'm so enabled well and we and
00:09:46.600 we make a choice to stay so you can't you can't say yeah to make it work if you after till the point
00:09:52.740 where you've got paranoid environment i was like no at this when you're in love you really forget what
00:09:57.060 logic is yeah like your emotions really start to believe the bell therapists actually literally will
00:10:04.040 not take certain like clients that are in love because your brain chemistry is so different when
00:10:09.700 you're in that state of like love and infatuation so like and therapists also say like cheating like
00:10:15.660 goes two ways like you can enable that behavior that brings someone to that level where they cheat on
00:10:22.280 you you know they think it's okay like if we allow them to think it's okay it's like when you're a
00:10:26.960 mom like if you allow your child to fix certain behaviors okay they're going to carry on doing it
00:10:31.160 if you don't check your child up their ass like they're going to be thinking it's okay like you
00:10:35.100 should have ripped your son's ass and maybe he would have been better
00:10:36.920 you