JustPearlyThings - July 16, 2023


Modern Women Submit With CONDITIONS


Episode Stats


Length

54 minutes

Words per minute

204.15903

Word count

11,179

Sentence count

824

Harmful content

Misogyny

104

sentences flagged

Hate speech

61

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we talk about feminism and what it means to be a feminist and why it is a disaster. We also talk about what feminism means to us as women and why we don t think it is good or bad.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 Coming up next.
00:00:00.920 I don't get why everything's always centred around finances.
00:00:04.340 I understand you need money to survive,
00:00:06.140 but I don't understand where women have the high expectations 1.00
00:00:09.140 of expecting a man to have so much money to get with him.
00:00:11.920 Like, how can...
00:00:12.800 I thought, like, if you love someone, it's based on love.
00:00:15.560 Like, not just based on what you can pick.
00:00:18.000 Like, it's like you can tick all these boxes.
00:00:20.000 But where's the love in that?
00:00:21.300 Do you want to get it?
00:00:22.140 One thing I realised from being in a relationship,
00:00:23.780 love is not enough.
00:00:24.600 Love is not enough.
00:00:25.000 So you can have love.
00:00:25.760 It's wonderful.
00:00:26.460 Love is not enough.
00:00:27.540 It's great to be in love.
00:00:28.940 But it's not enough.
00:00:29.460 Everything.
00:00:30.460 Peace and love is life.
00:00:32.600 OK, we can say that.
00:00:33.800 A man wants peace.
00:00:34.940 When you think about it.
00:00:35.480 And he wants love.
00:00:36.120 You can be in love with someone, love them dearly,
00:00:38.020 but when the bills come, is that love going to pay the bills?
00:00:40.000 You need to lower your maintenance then.
00:00:42.060 You can lower your maintenance.
00:00:43.100 If you've got high expectations,
00:00:43.940 you should be providing for yourself.
00:00:45.980 You can't expect a man to do that.
00:00:47.520 No, but you've got to do it together.
00:00:48.960 For example, OK, you live together.
00:00:51.100 There are certain things that a woman may pay 0.99
00:00:52.840 and there are certain things that a man may pay.
00:00:55.340 You both work.
00:00:56.800 Love is not going to pay those bills.
00:00:58.020 Love is not going to keep you warm at night.
00:00:59.500 But you endure when you survive the life of a household together.
00:01:02.520 You survive.
00:01:03.200 That's how it works.
00:01:03.780 And you become accustomed to the wealth that you make in your household.
00:01:06.620 I get that, but that's not the way I would want to live my life.
00:01:09.700 I want to be able to enjoy.
00:01:11.920 I want to be in love and be able to say, OK.
00:01:14.040 So if your man makes more than you, why is he expected to make more and you make less
00:01:20.540 and you both live the same life?
00:01:21.480 He doesn't have to make more.
00:01:22.640 You just said he has to make more, didn't you?
00:01:24.560 No, no, no.
00:01:24.980 I didn't say he has to make more.
00:01:25.900 I said if I made more, I wouldn't be able to submit to him.
00:01:29.200 That means he's going to make more.
00:01:30.300 So he has to make more?
00:01:31.460 We could make the same amount.
00:01:32.640 You'd be happy with the same amount?
00:01:34.060 Yeah, I would be happy with the same amount.
00:01:35.300 But I find, I know, if he makes less than me, it would be harder for me to submit.
00:01:40.460 So today's topic, is feminism a disaster? 1.00
00:01:44.460 So I'd like to go around and everyone say, if you consider yourself a feminist, yes, no, 1.00
00:01:50.040 and then why?
00:01:52.700 I'd say no.
00:01:54.640 I'm not a feminist because I think I believe, I'm in between, I would say, but I'll say no
00:02:01.920 because I don't think, there's things that men can do and there's things that women can't do
00:02:07.580 and there's things that women can do and there's things that men can't do, if that makes sense. 0.79
00:02:11.180 So I feel that's why I'm in the middle and I'm still saying a bit of, nah, I'm not a feminist.
00:02:17.040 Okay.
00:02:19.100 Yeah, me, I'm similar to Janay.
00:02:21.720 I don't think I'm a feminist because I do believe that, I am like strong on like gender roles.
00:02:27.340 So I do believe that there's certain things that a woman should do in a relationship,
00:02:33.260 there's certain things a man should do in a relationship, but I'm also like big on women empowerment.
00:02:38.620 I just don't feel like it collides.
00:02:41.520 Yeah.
00:02:42.000 Okay, go ahead.
00:02:43.440 I would say no.
00:02:45.140 I don't really identify with anything that feminism stands for anymore. 1.00
00:02:49.980 Okay, go ahead.
00:02:50.920 Yeah, I'm sort of like in between.
00:02:54.980 I would say I'm very much a traditional feminist, not so much a modern feminist.
00:03:01.920 I still have those traditional values and I feel like I do believe in female empowerment.
00:03:07.920 I do believe in the movement of feminism.
00:03:11.840 Yeah.
00:03:12.960 Okay, go ahead.
00:03:13.900 Yeah, I would say I'm sort of in between as well, but it just gets a bit too technical.
00:03:18.960 I believe in them obviously opening doors for women, but it gets too technical for me.
00:03:24.700 So for me, I'm in between as well, this feminist role. 0.99
00:03:27.760 Okay.
00:03:28.820 I do not consider myself to be a feminist whatsoever.
00:03:32.280 A man and a woman has complete different duties and roles. 1.00
00:03:35.600 They're not equal.
00:03:36.820 A man's purpose is to protect, provide, hunt and lead. 1.00
00:03:40.880 And a woman's purpose is to nurture and reproduce as far as I'm concerned. 1.00
00:03:44.940 They are not equal.
00:03:46.920 I'm not a feminist. 0.96
00:03:47.940 I'm very in tune with myself spiritually and I feel like everything in the modern day world
00:03:54.000 just really collides with my spirit.
00:03:56.020 So definitely not.
00:03:57.900 Wow.
00:03:58.420 A whole room, not one feminist. 1.00
00:04:00.160 Wow.
00:04:01.560 Why do you guys think that is?
00:04:03.120 Where has it gone too far?
00:04:08.080 Promiscuity is promoted.
00:04:09.240 I think that's too far.
00:04:11.560 I think for women, having multiple sexual partners is really bad for your mental health. 1.00
00:04:18.340 It messes up your hormones biologically.
00:04:22.460 And also, even if you're not technically sleeping with all of them, what kind of person are you if you're just an object on millions of people's screens?
00:04:30.340 And all that object is, is your boobs and bottom. 1.00
00:04:34.380 They're not really seeing you for who you are.
00:04:36.700 And if you don't care about who you are enough to put that out there and all you want to put out there is your body,
00:04:42.260 then I think that shows that maybe there's something not quite right inside that maybe you don't value in yourself.
00:04:48.980 So you only value the exterior part of yourself.
00:04:52.620 Do you guys know women that can sleep around and are genuinely happy doing it? 1.00
00:04:56.440 No.
00:04:57.020 I don't think I've ever met one.
00:04:58.860 Really?
00:04:59.480 No.
00:05:00.380 No one?
00:05:01.200 No.
00:05:01.700 So why do you think it's pushed so much if the outcomes aren't good for women?
00:05:05.860 Because I feel like people, like people that maybe, this is just like from me watching,
00:05:13.240 but I feel like people that maybe do sleep around a lot, maybe if they don't actually like know who they are or like know what they stand for completely
00:05:22.000 and they want to act like they're happy.
00:05:24.440 So they'll tell people, yeah, this is what makes me happy.
00:05:26.440 This is what I do.
00:05:27.460 So you do it too.
00:05:28.440 So it's like, it's like some whole gang thing.
00:05:31.620 Like even Amber Rose, for example, this, what is that thing she does a nude walk? 1.00
00:05:36.840 Oh, slut walk. 1.00
00:05:38.180 Yeah, the slut walk. 1.00
00:05:40.460 Would anyone go to a slut walk? 1.00
00:05:42.160 Anyone here?
00:05:42.760 No.
00:05:43.240 Continue.
00:05:44.140 Yeah, I'll go.
00:05:44.700 No, I can't lie.
00:05:45.560 I would go for fun, like to watch it.
00:05:48.020 I would do interviews.
00:05:49.600 Yeah, I thought, yeah, that's exactly what I was going to say.
00:05:51.780 I would go to like interview people and say, you know, what is it?
00:05:54.920 But I don't think I would take part in a slut walk. 1.00
00:05:57.640 No.
00:05:58.540 Yeah, definitely.
00:05:59.740 No, I don't think so.
00:06:01.060 But yeah, what I was going to say about the Amber Rose slut walk, I feel like with feminism now, 1.00
00:06:06.780 it's if you show your, the more body you show, the more empowered you are as a woman.
00:06:11.940 And I feel like there's so much more to that.
00:06:14.400 And it's like they try and talk for all women as a whole when really this is your opinion.
00:06:19.440 So even in dating now, it's like men, they'll come and talk to you in a certain way, like you're a feminist already, like they just think you're a feminist.
00:06:28.460 I don't know.
00:06:29.280 I don't know how to explain it, but yeah.
00:06:30.580 Do you think older women sabotage younger women? 1.00
00:06:33.420 Yeah.
00:06:34.200 Yeah.
00:06:35.820 Yeah.
00:06:36.340 I feel like going back to what we were just talking about as well, like I feel like women are trying to compete with men. 0.98
00:06:43.460 And I think that is literally where the problem is.
00:06:46.100 We are trying to compete with men.
00:06:47.920 Why is it okay for a man to sleep with loads of women, but it's not okay for me? 0.79
00:06:51.420 And actually, do we actually enjoy that?
00:06:54.960 Like we have to actually ask ourselves, like, do we actually enjoy casually giving our body like that?
00:07:03.660 And, you know, because we have emotions and we, you know, we feel things and like for men, it's different.
00:07:08.880 They can go and do that and have zero emotion.
00:07:11.700 Whereas with women, it's completely different and we can't, you know, deny that. 1.00
00:07:16.700 So is it though?
00:07:17.600 Like, do you actually think, like, do you actually.
00:07:20.620 Well, most of my friends, I feel like, you know, they tell me stories and they sleep with someone and they get attached.
00:07:29.220 Like.
00:07:30.240 So you don't think men do, or do you think they're just better hiding their emotions because of like.
00:07:34.140 No, they don't.
00:07:34.380 No, they don't.
00:07:35.800 You don't think so.
00:07:36.620 No, I, I, men can literally go and do that and have a zero emotion.
00:07:41.800 They can do that.
00:07:42.700 And they're programmed to be like that.
00:07:44.460 Whereas why are we trying to compete with that?
00:07:46.760 But I, but just because someone's programmed to be like something, I don't feel like they're being completely open and saying like, they can just go and sleep around with anyone.
00:07:55.980 And they don't feel any, like, I don't believe that.
00:07:58.500 Like, I actually, I don't think they've got to the root of the problem of why they can do that because that's not humane.
00:08:03.420 But, but the thing is like when men get money, power and status, they do do it.
00:08:06.800 So it's like easy for a guy.
00:08:08.240 It's a trend for a man. 0.98
00:08:09.380 It's like, is Chris Brown like saying, stop.
00:08:11.020 No, of course they're loving it.
00:08:14.020 Don't sleep with me.
00:08:15.140 Of course they're loving it.
00:08:15.860 But I feel like there's effects that is just, it's not attached to, okay, you're sleeping with loads of people.
00:08:21.400 This is why you feel like that.
00:08:22.640 I feel like they might feel type of ways, but they're not attaching it to, oh, because I'm just going around sleeping with loads of women. 1.00
00:08:28.080 Because I've got loads of male friends and I see the after effect that it has with them sleeping with loads of women, but they won't actually admit it.
00:08:35.760 Yeah, they won't actually admit it or pinpoint it on that.
00:08:38.440 But I think that sort of goes back, that sort of goes back to like the whole peer pressure with men and maintaining this image of like, you know, when you become successful and you have money, the girls come with it.
00:08:50.680 And I feel like a lot of men are trying to force that.
00:08:54.260 And that's probably why your friends are feeling some type of way afterwards, because they're doing something, but maybe they don't really want to be doing it.
00:09:02.800 But also, I'll be real, like when men obviously sleep around, their body's not going to change. 0.58
00:09:09.180 If a woman sleeps around, your body's a temper, your body's going to change. 1.00
00:09:12.300 It's going to adapt to whoever you're sleeping with.
00:09:14.840 So that's where, you know what I mean?
00:09:17.120 I'm saying like, okay, the levels of women and men financially are like the same, but like following, being full of fashion, like it's like you're the mean, like you're lowering your standards and your body changes.
00:09:33.260 Like women, we're very, we all adapt to a man. 0.67
00:09:36.740 Well, not me, but you know what I'm saying?
00:09:39.280 As for men, they just, you know what I mean? 1.00
00:09:41.380 They can go around, do what they're doing, honky dory.
00:09:44.160 Their body's not going to change.
00:09:45.620 A woman's body does change. 1.00
00:09:47.320 Do you know what I mean?
00:09:47.980 You're a key.
00:09:49.440 So.
00:09:50.280 Yeah, very true.
00:09:51.720 Yeah, very true.
00:09:52.460 And I feel like as women, we just have a lot more to lose and that there's a lot more at stake for us.
00:09:57.940 So that's why we are naturally going to be very, you know, picky and selective.
00:10:04.280 And, you know, I pride myself in being selective and, you know, not giving my body freely to just anyone.
00:10:12.940 Like.
00:10:14.460 Do you think you guys could respect a guy and follow his lead if you make more money than him?
00:10:21.480 No.
00:10:22.320 Subconsciously, I do.
00:10:23.320 No.
00:10:23.680 I don't mind, like, in terms of finances, it doesn't make a difference to me.
00:10:29.480 Yeah, I wouldn't mind if my partner made more money than me.
00:10:32.380 Just as long as you talk to me with the same level of respect, because I'm still earning.
00:10:36.020 Do you know what I mean?
00:10:36.320 So what if you were paying 80% of the bills and you had to buy a house?
00:10:40.180 So let's say you pay.
00:10:41.600 That don't make sense.
00:10:42.500 Yeah, let's say, I'm just taking it to the, like, to the extreme.
00:10:46.100 You're paying 80% of the bills and he says we're buying this house and you don't like it, you hate it.
00:10:51.980 Are you going to go with it?
00:10:53.040 No.
00:10:53.680 You'd have to convince me why we're buying it.
00:10:56.260 You'd have to make logical sense.
00:10:58.280 I personally, I think.
00:10:59.980 The whole point is that you're not submitting if he has to convince you.
00:11:03.400 True.
00:11:03.660 That's like, if it's your boss and he tells you to do something, you just do it.
00:11:06.860 True, true.
00:11:07.600 So it's, I mean, I think when we're being honest, it's hard to submit to someone if they don't make more money.
00:11:12.440 And I feel like a man is meant to be, well, if you're married, a provider.
00:11:16.300 Well, not sole provider, but the provider.
00:11:19.960 And I don't feel like if you're not earning more than me, you could provide for me, like, fully.
00:11:25.560 And if we're buying a house together and I don't like it, I'm not going to, and I am providing basically more.
00:11:30.460 It's going to be more my decision.
00:11:32.000 I think it would be hard for me to submit to someone who isn't basically being able to lead me.
00:11:36.840 You're going to have to be able to lead me.
00:11:38.380 And if you're not earning more than me, it's going to be harder for me to agree or listen to you.
00:11:43.100 It might sound, oh, that's not nice, but that's how I feel.
00:11:45.680 I can't listen to someone that isn't earning more than me.
00:11:49.200 But why is that, though?
00:11:50.140 I'm the opposite.
00:11:51.020 I just feel like it's just because of the way I've been raised.
00:11:53.840 If I, for example, I use my dad, he's always earned, he's always been an earner.
00:11:57.000 He's always been able to look after me and his family.
00:11:59.240 So that's what I see my future husband doing.
00:12:02.200 And if you're not earning more than me, maybe if it's a short period of time, you've lost money or you're down.
00:12:07.320 But I couldn't marry someone that earns less than me.
00:12:09.900 I just couldn't.
00:12:10.820 Because how I see the role of a man in a household, you're meant to be a leader, provider.
00:12:15.320 I just couldn't.
00:12:16.100 I don't understand.
00:12:16.800 But sometimes there's a come up, so they might be low in the beginning.
00:12:20.500 Could you stick by someone that has a good heart and be with them through the come up?
00:12:25.900 To be honest with you, I feel maybe because of my past experiences, where I am now, I don't want to be with someone that's on a come up.
00:12:35.120 I feel like, especially because I have a child and where I want to be in life,
00:12:40.040 I don't want someone that's on the come up.
00:12:41.840 Maybe a few years ago, it was fine.
00:12:44.040 But where I am now, I want you to be at least a certain level earning a certain amount of money consistently.
00:12:49.100 I don't want to have to raise you or support you consistently.
00:12:52.780 How much money is it?
00:12:54.180 How much money?
00:12:54.760 Do you know what?
00:12:55.360 It doesn't have to be a large amount of money because I'm not, what's the word?
00:12:59.920 High maintenance or.
00:13:00.900 Let me Google, hold on.
00:13:02.140 Yeah.
00:13:03.440 Average salary UK.
00:13:07.760 Okay.
00:13:08.780 I feel like someone just be able to live, maintain, be able to go out on events and do things.
00:13:13.900 It doesn't have to be crazy, but as long as you're.
00:13:15.900 London, £41,000.
00:13:17.940 If he earns that.
00:13:18.860 Yeah, that's the average.
00:13:19.780 It says the average yearly wage for full-time workers in London in 2022, according to status.
00:13:26.020 Yeah, I think that would be fine for me.
00:13:27.440 I don't, you don't have to be a millionaire or a billionaire.
00:13:29.420 No way.
00:13:30.200 You just have to be able to support yourself so that we can rise together.
00:13:34.220 I don't want someone that's down and then I have to pull you up because I've got a child.
00:13:37.340 I don't have time to be pulling up everyone.
00:13:38.820 Then there's rebuttal is what are you bringing to the table?
00:13:41.700 What am I bringing to the table?
00:13:42.960 I don't get what it's all.
00:13:45.200 I'm bringing myself.
00:13:46.380 I'm bringing everything I can do.
00:13:49.940 Yeah, but yeah, I bring a lot to the table.
00:13:51.580 Why do you hate the question?
00:13:52.800 I hate that question.
00:13:54.120 You don't think if you're interviewing for a job, you have to show them your resume and your experience?
00:13:59.180 Yeah, of course.
00:13:59.940 But I feel like when men ask that question, I feel like we should be asking you, what are you bringing to the table?
00:14:09.300 Money.
00:14:09.620 Because I've.
00:14:10.860 41 bags.
00:14:12.040 You know what's crazy?
00:14:12.780 Yeah, but you're forgetting, a woman is going to, first of all, she's going to make your house a home. 1.00
00:14:20.560 A home.
00:14:20.820 She is going to raise your kids. 0.93
00:14:23.200 Do you think most modern women can make a house a home? 1.00
00:14:25.940 Do most modern women have recipes from scratch? 1.00
00:14:28.340 No.
00:14:28.840 No, not necessarily.
00:14:29.340 Modern women that have old school morals. 1.00
00:14:30.900 No, not necessarily, but what I mean is she is going to make your house feel like a home.
00:14:40.340 She is going to be there for you.
00:14:42.040 How does she do that specifically? 1.00
00:14:43.740 Well, you would, you would do duties around the house, would you not?
00:14:47.080 But not every woman does that now. 1.00
00:14:49.060 It's a certain type of woman you're talking about. 1.00
00:14:50.520 So, like, what does she bring to the table that a hooker, a cook, and a cleaner can't do? 1.00
00:14:55.200 But she's going to be providing you with support, emotional support.
00:14:58.300 But I just think when men hear this, it's like, it's like we're saying nothing.
00:15:02.340 Oh, okay.
00:15:02.840 It's like not, like, it's not specific as I can do this, I have this skill, this, this, and this.
00:15:08.060 My mama can do that. 1.00
00:15:09.600 Do you know what it is?
00:15:10.340 Obviously, you know, my sexuality, and my role is basically like the male role.
00:15:15.660 So, that's why I'm just asking these little ones and twos to throw you off, but also to get a better understanding.
00:15:22.880 But I'm not really hearing, it's not matching up to the 41 grand that I'm bringing to the table.
00:15:27.300 I don't get why everything's always centred around finances.
00:15:30.480 I understand you need money to survive, but I don't understand where women have the high expectations of expecting a man to have so much money to get with him. 0.98
00:15:37.820 Like, how can, I thought, like, if you love someone, it's based on love.
00:15:41.720 Like, not just based on what you can pick.
00:15:44.180 Like, it's like you can tick all these boxes.
00:15:46.080 But where's the love in that?
00:15:47.480 Don't get it?
00:15:48.280 One thing I realised from being in a relationship, love is not enough.
00:15:50.780 Love is not enough.
00:15:51.140 So, you can have love.
00:15:51.900 It's wonderful.
00:15:53.720 It's great to be in love, but it's not enough.
00:15:55.640 Love is everything.
00:15:56.600 Peace and love is life.
00:15:58.720 Okay, we can say that.
00:15:59.940 A man wants peace.
00:16:01.100 When you think about it.
00:16:01.620 And he wants love.
00:16:02.260 You can be in love with someone, love them dearly, but when the bills come, is that love going to pay the bills?
00:16:06.140 You need to lower your main tenants then.
00:16:08.200 Yeah, you can lower your main tenants then.
00:16:09.560 If you've got high expectations, you should be providing for yourself then.
00:16:12.300 You can't expect the man to do that.
00:16:13.660 No, but you've got to do it together.
00:16:15.080 For example, okay, you live together.
00:16:17.240 There are certain things that a woman may pay, and there are certain things that a man may pay. 0.99
00:16:20.860 Okay.
00:16:21.440 You both work.
00:16:22.860 Love is not going to pay those bills.
00:16:24.300 Love is not going to keep you warm at night when you have to pay our electricity.
00:16:25.700 But you endure when you survive the life of a household together.
00:16:28.640 You survive.
00:16:29.360 That's how it works.
00:16:29.920 And you become accustomed to the wealth that you make in your household.
00:16:32.440 I get that, but that's not the way I would want to live my life.
00:16:35.880 I want to be able to enjoy.
00:16:38.060 I want to be in love and be able to say, okay.
00:16:40.540 So if your man makes more than you, why is he expected to make more and you make less and you both live the same life?
00:16:47.600 He doesn't have to make more.
00:16:48.780 You just said he has to make more, didn't you?
00:16:50.700 No, no, no.
00:16:51.120 I didn't say he has to make more.
00:16:52.040 I said if I made more, I wouldn't be able to submit to him.
00:16:55.400 So that means he's going to make more.
00:16:56.440 So he has to make more?
00:16:57.600 We could make the same amount.
00:16:58.840 You'd be happy with the same amount?
00:16:59.960 Yeah, I would be happy with the same amount, but I find, I know if he makes less than me, it would be harder for me to submit.
00:17:06.380 Why is that?
00:17:06.960 Because I just, that's how I see it.
00:17:09.140 I can't even put a nail on it, but I know if a man made less than me.
00:17:11.940 Do you think society has a role to play in that?
00:17:13.920 That finance has taken its toll?
00:17:15.520 100%.
00:17:15.920 100%.
00:17:17.020 I'm probably by the way I'm in love.
00:17:17.940 On your love life?
00:17:18.500 Yeah.
00:17:18.920 Pardon me?
00:17:19.500 It's taken, do you think society has taken a toll on how you love someone?
00:17:23.480 Because it's supposed to be love.
00:17:24.780 Yeah.
00:17:25.300 No, I think it's just the way I see love.
00:17:27.560 I feel like love is not enough.
00:17:29.380 So you think love is based on material then, basically?
00:17:31.780 No, what I think love is, is you can love someone, but maybe, what can I say?
00:17:36.200 So say you was with a man and he was rich and then he went broke, would you stay with him?
00:17:40.580 100%.
00:17:40.980 What's the difference then if the roles are reversed?
00:17:43.540 The difference is because you've gone broke.
00:17:45.600 I didn't meet you broke.
00:17:46.380 So why can't you help somebody get rich if you can help them stay broke?
00:17:49.280 Because it's a mentality thing.
00:17:50.860 If he could get rich in the first place, then I know in my heart he can get rich again.
00:17:55.480 But how do you do that?
00:17:56.440 I believe a good person.
00:17:57.480 I believe in his mentality.
00:17:58.580 Do you know what it is?
00:17:59.200 Personally, I get what you're trying to say.
00:18:00.500 A good person can see potential in somebody from nothing.
00:18:03.220 The problem is if I speak from my personal experiences, I'm always the one seeing potential in people.
00:18:07.840 Maybe there's something that you should look within yourself that might need fixing and choosing a partner then.
00:18:12.460 Maybe it's not the man.
00:18:13.400 Do you know what it is?
00:18:14.020 Maybe it is, but that's why I've made a decision to say I'm not looking, I'm not going to go with somebody that is.
00:18:19.620 I'm not going to look at anyone's potential anymore because we can see potential for days.
00:18:22.660 It doesn't mean that they're going to reach that.
00:18:24.120 So what I've learned is I now want to be with someone or get to date someone that is at a certain stage that I can say,
00:18:30.100 okay, you're not at your pulling up stage.
00:18:31.740 I don't have to pull you up.
00:18:32.840 I think that's very unfair on men.
00:18:34.840 Well, maybe that is, but that's my opinion.
00:18:37.080 That's where I am now.
00:18:37.820 I've given people chances, pull them up.
00:18:40.540 So you want a high value man, basically?
00:18:42.560 I wouldn't say high value, but someone that is at a...
00:18:44.680 Yeah, high value.
00:18:45.460 Oh, yeah, we could say high value.
00:18:46.580 Yes, the high value.
00:18:47.560 Well, you've got a child as well, then, yeah?
00:18:49.220 Just so you guys know.
00:18:49.980 A child, you've got a child as well.
00:18:51.360 If we're going to use that term, it's 10K a month.
00:18:53.440 That's high value.
00:18:54.380 I'm just saying.
00:18:55.480 Well, I wouldn't say high value.
00:18:56.860 I just want someone that is able to pay their bills, feed themselves.
00:19:00.700 Okay, so what if a guy ticked all them boxes and emotionally you don't feel nothing,
00:19:05.140 but besides that, he's absolutely perfect.
00:19:07.600 Would you stay with him?
00:19:08.040 I don't like him.
00:19:09.040 There's no emotional connection.
00:19:10.100 There's no love there.
00:19:10.700 You said love isn't what it used to be.
00:19:12.760 No, I said love isn't enough.
00:19:14.280 So I can love someone, but everything else, you have to be respectful.
00:19:17.520 You have to have family values.
00:19:18.660 Just say he ticked all them boxes, but you love him a little bit.
00:19:23.480 Love is important.
00:19:25.200 If he ticks all them boxes, say that question.
00:19:27.140 If a man ticked all the boxes and you loved him a little bit, is that good enough?
00:19:32.480 Do you think there's a minimum, like a guy has to have a job, right?
00:19:42.380 Okay, yeah.
00:19:43.180 Yeah.
00:19:43.420 I mean, I think it's dishonest when we say it's all about love, because I think at some
00:19:48.240 point, if a guy's unemployed for five years, you're probably going to leave.
00:19:51.180 I think it's about the mentality of a person.
00:19:53.720 So like if somebody's broke, if I say I met someone and he's broke, but he's got the right
00:19:57.880 mentality to conquer the world, then by all means, I can support him and I can help him.
00:20:02.800 I'm happy to do that.
00:20:04.120 No, I agree with you.
00:20:05.240 It's about mentality.
00:20:06.080 But I just think when we're asking these questions, it's like, what is the minimum?
00:20:10.360 I don't have a minimum.
00:20:11.280 If I like somebody and I believe in them, then they've got my support.
00:20:15.360 But how long, how long are you believing in them until they like...
00:20:19.080 As long as I think it's difficult, say I have money and the man doesn't have any money.
00:20:23.960 If he can respect my values and like believe that I'm putting him in positions to help him,
00:20:28.020 then I'll support him.
00:20:29.640 But for how long?
00:20:29.900 If he's getting up every day at six in the morning and he's trying and trying, you can't
00:20:34.180 fault somebody like that, because we're all from different places.
00:20:36.940 But for how long?
00:20:37.940 And there's no job.
00:20:39.520 Everyone talks about bills, but I'm just, I think I've got a whole different perspective of
00:20:43.600 life because of myself, my lifestyle and how I've been brought up like...
00:20:47.440 What's different about your lifestyle?
00:20:49.120 Everything.
00:20:49.780 I think my life's upbringing, experience is completely different to a lot of people.
00:20:54.400 Okay, how so?
00:20:55.440 I don't really want to dig too deep on here, if I'm being honest, but I just do believe
00:20:58.760 that my circumstances are quite unique.
00:21:02.600 I just don't think money is everything.
00:21:04.480 So what would it take for you not to believe in him anymore?
00:21:06.840 For you to say, okay, cool.
00:21:07.840 My first perspective of this man was wrong and he's actually a, like, not a bum, sorry. 0.51
00:21:15.280 If he's behaving like a bum, then obviously that's a huge red flag that he doesn't really 0.99
00:21:19.960 want to change his life.
00:21:20.900 He's quite happy being mediocre.
00:21:22.160 Mm-hmm.
00:21:22.840 So yeah.
00:21:23.460 So that's when you'll leave, when you realise his true mentality.
00:21:26.920 Yeah.
00:21:27.520 But I haven't ever encountered a situation like that to say I'm going like...
00:21:32.840 Okay.
00:21:33.440 Mm-hmm.
00:21:34.440 What were you going to say?
00:21:35.440 You had something to say earlier.
00:21:36.440 Yeah.
00:21:37.440 I just agree with you.
00:21:39.440 Sorry.
00:21:40.440 I forgot your lovely name.
00:21:41.440 I agree with you.
00:21:42.440 And I feel like what you were trying to say was, yes, your love is...
00:21:47.440 You love someone, but it's, as a woman, it's conditional. 1.00
00:21:51.440 Mm-hmm.
00:21:52.440 And I'm going to be honest, as a woman, like, my love is conditional.
00:21:56.440 Yes, I can love you.
00:21:57.440 And yes, I can have these amazing, beautiful memories with you.
00:22:01.440 If you are not bringing those qualities that I want, and you are not going to contribute
00:22:09.640 to the life that I want for myself, then that love is not enough for me.
00:22:14.900 It's not enough for me.
00:22:16.260 And if I'm honest with you, I'm not really looking to be with someone and do the whole
00:22:21.000 struggle love thing.
00:22:22.000 Yeah.
00:22:23.000 I'll be honest.
00:22:24.000 I'm not.
00:22:25.000 Yes, you have dreams, but it's not my job to sit here and motivate you and be holding your
00:22:30.180 hand while you're doing it.
00:22:31.680 I'm not looking for a project.
00:22:33.180 I'm looking for someone who is established because I feel like as a high value woman,
00:22:38.680 I am allowed to seek a high value man, especially because I know what I bring to the table.
00:22:43.500 So I want someone to match that.
00:22:45.380 Can you define a high value woman to me or to you?
00:22:49.180 High value woman is someone who first of all, has a lot of respect for herself, you know, 0.95
00:22:56.040 has a lot of like pride, you know, works hard.
00:23:00.180 Do you think men want prideful hard workers? 0.95
00:23:03.180 Hmm.
00:23:04.180 Well, I feel like no, because men obviously just want someone who's beautiful and is just
00:23:11.180 going to be submissive and say yes.
00:23:13.180 And well, that's at least what we're being told, but I feel like that's not true.
00:23:18.180 No, men don't like submissive women. 0.98
00:23:22.180 No, I don't think so.
00:23:24.180 No, because I feel like it's not about being submissive.
00:23:28.180 You just have to be kind and you have to be loving and you have to respect your man.
00:23:34.180 A lot of women don't actually respect their men. 1.00
00:23:37.180 Yes.
00:23:38.180 They like them.
00:23:39.180 They're attracted to them.
00:23:40.180 They love them, but they don't actually respect them.
00:23:42.180 And I feel like men want respect from women and they don't get that enough.
00:23:46.180 Well, I agree with you, but why is that not submission?
00:23:50.180 Isn't that part of submission?
00:23:52.180 No, because I still have a voice.
00:23:54.180 You don't think submissive women have voices? 1.00
00:23:58.180 I don't know.
00:23:59.180 I feel like if I'm just going to be saying yes to everything and doing everything that
00:24:03.180 my man wants, then I've kind of lost sense of who I am.
00:24:06.180 Like, I want to have a voice in this partnership.
00:24:09.180 I want to have a voice in this marriage and I want to be heard and I want to be seen.
00:24:13.180 But submission is like he's your boss.
00:24:15.180 So your boss can take your opinion into account.
00:24:17.180 But at the end of the day, he has the final say.
00:24:19.180 And men don't, they don't feel like they're respected if you don't give them the final say.
00:24:23.180 Like they don't want a woman that they have to argue with all the time. 0.99
00:24:26.180 Yeah, but you don't have to argue with a man to get your point across.
00:24:29.180 If you're with a loving, respectful man who hears you and values you, he's always going to listen to you.
00:24:35.180 He can hear you and listen to you and still tell you no.
00:24:39.180 Okay.
00:24:40.180 But just because if he tells me no, it depends.
00:24:45.180 Like there's certain things that, yeah, I might be like, okay, cool.
00:24:48.180 I'll submit to you because I would say I'm definitely a traditional woman.
00:24:52.180 Are you a virgin?
00:24:54.180 Sorry.
00:24:55.180 How are you a traditional woman is a 22 year old virgin? 0.99
00:25:00.180 No, as in I have like traditional values the way that I was brought.
00:25:03.180 I'm Arab.
00:25:04.180 I'm Moroccan.
00:25:05.180 We are brought up in a certain way.
00:25:07.180 And the men that I see in my culture are very traditional.
00:25:12.180 They're providers.
00:25:13.180 You know, they go out, they make money.
00:25:16.180 And a lot of women in my culture, they don't work. 1.00
00:25:19.180 They just sort of stay at home and the man goes out and gets the money and they just raise the kids.
00:25:24.180 Obviously we've moved on from that, but I still hold those values in the sense that I'm okay to submit to my man when the time is right or when I feel the time is right.
00:25:35.180 But the whole point is that's, that's not submission is when you feel, I mean, we're women, we change our opinions every goddamn day. 0.93
00:25:40.180 We don't even know what we want half the time.
00:25:43.180 So it's like, if you, if, if, if I, if I employ blessing and I say blessing, turn this camera angle on, or I do do this, do this.
00:25:51.180 And at the end of the day, I have the final say, and, and that's kind of how it is should be anyways, when you're submitting to a guy.
00:25:58.180 So, so you're saying that's what men want.
00:26:01.180 They just want someone to go, yes, I'll do exactly what you tell me to do.
00:26:05.180 No, they just want to argue all the time with every decision.
00:26:08.180 I'm kidding.
00:26:11.180 No, they just want to fight every day.
00:26:14.180 I personally think they want to have long conversations about every decisions and just really make you feel heard.
00:26:22.180 Wow.
00:26:23.180 I feel like, yeah, I don't know.
00:26:25.180 I, I will submit to the right man.
00:26:29.180 And if I feel comfortable, but I will always have my boundaries set in place firmly.
00:26:35.180 But the point is, sometimes you're not going to feel comfortable.
00:26:38.180 I mean, in a 30, 40, 50 year marriage, you think you're not going to feel comfortable.
00:26:43.180 And sometimes you're going to feel like he's not the right man.
00:26:45.180 I mean, we change our mind every day.
00:26:46.180 Oh yeah.
00:26:47.180 Yeah. 100%.
00:26:48.180 So tell me more about the high value woman. 1.00
00:26:50.180 What else?
00:26:51.180 I mean, the high value woman is like someone who like is kind, who's nurturing, you know, who's going to support her man, lift him up, motivate him, inspire him. 0.65
00:27:04.180 You know, is, is fun.
00:27:06.180 She has that feminine energy that men crave. 1.00
00:27:09.180 Um, you know, the list goes on.
00:27:11.180 And I know that men are not stupid.
00:27:15.180 They know when they come across a high value woman, they know. 1.00
00:27:19.180 Um, so yeah.
00:27:21.180 Do you want to know what I hear when I hear high value woman? 1.00
00:27:25.180 Oh God.
00:27:26.180 Designer.
00:27:27.180 She won.
00:27:28.180 All that Instagram, like highlighted factor, like Valentine's Day.
00:27:36.180 You better make sure that like, you've got the hotel with the little petals and the balloons, like holidays.
00:27:45.180 It's like, it's like, give me everything and do nothing.
00:27:48.180 You know what I mean?
00:27:49.180 I'm not Kim Kardashian, but, um, this, you know what I mean?
00:27:53.180 It's like, that's to me what I'm hearing when I'm hearing high maintenance woman. 1.00
00:27:58.180 It's, it's money in it.
00:27:59.180 You need money for that.
00:28:00.180 It's like, it's like, whenever I hear that, I think of the book, why men love bitches. 1.00
00:28:04.180 It's like, they read that book.
00:28:05.180 And then it's like, that's the whole, I'm not, I'm not saying you personally.
00:28:08.180 It's just, that's always what I hear.
00:28:10.180 Um, okay.
00:28:12.180 So what percent of the financial family load do you guys expect to pay to carry for a lifetime?
00:28:18.180 10%.
00:28:20.180 10%.
00:28:21.180 10%.
00:28:23.180 10%.
00:28:24.180 Okay.
00:28:25.180 Um, yeah, I would say 10%.
00:28:27.180 10%.
00:28:28.180 I think it changes.
00:28:30.180 I think it's like situational.
00:28:32.180 I mean, ideally, like maybe 40%, um, but I think it changes.
00:28:42.180 Like you never know what's going to happen.
00:28:44.180 The man might suddenly go unemployed.
00:28:46.180 So, you know, I'm going to have to pick up extra shifts here and there, and then I might
00:28:49.180 go unemployed or go on maternity leave and the man's going to take over. 0.86
00:28:53.180 I think it fluctuates depending on the situation.
00:28:56.180 God.
00:28:57.180 Um, yeah, like I'm, I'm kind of the same there as well.
00:29:03.180 Um, I also like, as you said, like maternity leave, or if I, if the man said that he wanted
00:29:08.180 me to be a housewife, which I don't think I would ever like take up to do.
00:29:11.180 But if he did, then I'd expect him to do a hundred percent.
00:29:14.180 Then I'll be doing the cooking.
00:29:15.180 I'll be doing the cleaning.
00:29:16.180 But if like I'm working, he's working.
00:29:19.180 Like I don't expect him to say that I'm going to be a complete housewife.
00:29:22.180 But there's some men that like, I don't know.
00:29:24.180 What percent?
00:29:25.180 Uh, I don't know.
00:29:26.180 Zero percent depending.
00:29:28.180 Okay.
00:29:29.180 So you think he should carry a hundred percent of the bills?
00:29:31.180 Uh, no, that's not true.
00:29:32.180 I don't think so.
00:29:33.180 I think I'm just using the words that came out of your mouth.
00:29:34.180 Okay.
00:29:35.180 If I'm cooking and cleaning 50, 50, 50.
00:29:36.180 Okay.
00:29:37.180 Okay.
00:29:38.180 So we went from a hundred percent to 50, 50.
00:29:39.180 No, depending.
00:29:40.180 Okay.
00:29:41.180 Well, what does it depend on?
00:29:42.180 If I'm working or if I'm not.
00:29:43.180 Okay.
00:29:44.180 Do you want to work or do you not?
00:29:45.180 I do.
00:29:46.180 Um, okay.
00:29:47.180 So I would say 50, 50.
00:29:48.180 Okay.
00:29:49.180 Yeah.
00:29:50.180 Okay.
00:29:51.180 Yeah.
00:29:52.180 Okay.
00:29:53.180 Yeah.
00:29:54.180 Okay.
00:29:55.180 Yeah.
00:29:56.180 I don't, I can't think of a percent.
00:29:57.180 I actually can't been.
00:29:58.180 Mm-hmm.
00:29:59.180 Yeah.
00:30:00.180 I don't know.
00:30:01.180 Are we considering that there's kids involved here?
00:30:02.180 Yeah.
00:30:03.180 Yeah.
00:30:04.180 I mean, unless, unless you don't.
00:30:05.180 I feel like I want to change my answer now.
00:30:06.180 Same.
00:30:07.180 I don't know.
00:30:08.180 I don't know what percent.
00:30:09.180 All right.
00:30:10.180 I'm just going to say numbers.
00:30:11.180 Raise your hand.
00:30:12.180 Is there a wide camera?
00:30:13.180 Do we have one that fits the whole room?
00:30:14.180 50, 50.
00:30:15.180 Those four.
00:30:16.180 Those four.
00:30:17.180 Okay.
00:30:18.180 All right.
00:30:19.180 I'm just going to say numbers.
00:30:20.180 Raise your hand.
00:30:21.180 Is there a wide camera?
00:30:22.180 Do we have one that fits the whole room?
00:30:23.180 50, 50.
00:30:24.180 Those four.
00:30:25.180 Those four.
00:30:26.180 I think it's dependable under circumstances though.
00:30:29.180 Because like, if, if you're agreeing that you stay at home, like if I'm staying at home,
00:30:34.180 then.
00:30:35.180 Well, I'm asking if, if you, it's your line.
00:30:37.180 0% if I'm at home.
00:30:39.180 Um, I've had been with my partner and I've been at home.
00:30:42.180 Like he wants me at home, so I can't go to work.
00:30:45.180 So he's provided for me a hundred percent because obviously it's impossible if I'm a stay at home mom.
00:30:50.180 But if she's working, um, I think it should be, the percentage should be agreed.
00:30:54.180 Like in terms of if they're making the same, then I don't see why it shouldn't be 50, 50, if they're both out working.
00:31:00.180 Okay.
00:31:01.180 Um, all right.
00:31:02.180 So 50, 50. 0.81
00:31:03.180 If she's working.
00:31:04.180 Yeah.
00:31:05.180 Do you want to work?
00:31:06.180 I like staying at home.
00:31:07.180 I'm a home person.
00:31:08.180 Okay.
00:31:09.180 If I wasn't in.
00:31:10.180 Okay.
00:31:11.180 I'm only zero percent.
00:31:12.180 Yeah.
00:31:13.180 I'm raising the kids.
00:31:14.180 Okay.
00:31:15.180 And you said 10%.
00:31:16.180 10%.
00:31:17.180 Yeah.
00:31:18.180 50, 50 for me, unfortunately.
00:31:19.180 You know what I mean?
00:31:20.180 That's what I'm looking for.
00:31:21.180 50, 50.
00:31:22.180 Okay.
00:31:23.180 Yeah.
00:31:24.180 I would say 10%, like if I'm working, um, but if I'm not working, then nothing.
00:31:31.180 Hmm.
00:31:32.180 If you're working 10%.
00:31:34.180 Yeah.
00:31:35.180 Okay.
00:31:36.180 I think I'm going to change it a little bit.
00:31:38.180 Like in an ideal world, I would want to be able to go out and do something part time
00:31:44.180 to at least contribute a bit.
00:31:45.180 So I'm going to say 20%.
00:31:46.180 20%.
00:31:47.180 Yeah.
00:31:48.180 Um, I think 70, 30 now to be honest.
00:31:53.180 Go on.
00:31:55.180 Um, go ahead.
00:31:58.180 Yeah.
00:31:59.180 I'm still, I don't know.
00:32:00.180 Sorry.
00:32:01.180 Can't give a percent.
00:32:02.180 What percent of women do you think get to contribute 20% or less to the family financial load? 1.00
00:32:07.180 I'm like five percent.
00:32:08.180 Housewives.
00:32:09.180 Men are sassy now.
00:32:10.180 I know.
00:32:11.180 What percent of women do you think get to be housewives? 1.00
00:32:12.180 Not a lot.
00:32:13.180 Um, yeah, not a lot.
00:32:14.180 Is it in the UK or?
00:32:15.180 What is it?
00:32:16.180 I mean, the way that the UK is right now.
00:32:17.180 Uh, probably under 10%.
00:32:18.180 5%.
00:32:19.180 Yeah.
00:32:20.180 5%.
00:32:21.180 Um, yeah.
00:32:22.180 Um, yeah.
00:32:23.180 Um, yeah.
00:32:24.180 Um, yeah.
00:32:25.180 Um, yeah.
00:32:26.180 Um, yeah, not a lot.
00:32:27.180 Um, yeah, not a lot.
00:32:28.180 Um, yeah, not a lot.
00:32:29.180 Is it in the UK or?
00:32:30.180 What is it?
00:32:31.180 I mean, the way that the UK is right now.
00:32:33.180 Uh, probably.
00:32:34.180 Under 10%.
00:32:35.180 5%?
00:32:36.180 I would say that.
00:32:37.180 30% maybe?
00:32:38.180 10%.
00:32:39.180 Under 10% I'd say.
00:32:40.180 It's actually 20%.
00:32:41.180 Oh, wow.
00:32:42.180 Oh, okay.
00:32:43.180 Do you guys feel like you're in the top 20% of women to earn that?
00:32:46.180 No.
00:32:47.180 Well, to be able to be a housewife? 1.00
00:32:49.180 Mm-hmm.
00:32:50.180 Wow.
00:32:51.180 My circumstances, I believe, are exceptional.
00:32:54.180 So, I don't believe...
00:32:55.180 I've been a housewife and I've lost my partner.
00:32:57.180 Mm-hmm.
00:32:58.180 So, I was a housewife and I feel like my perspective of life has changed now that I have the role
00:33:04.180 of a man, in a sense, because I have to provide for my child.
00:33:07.180 Mm-hmm.
00:33:08.180 So, I'm definitely not.
00:33:09.180 I'm in tune with reality.
00:33:11.180 I'm on the opposite spectrum.
00:33:12.180 And I hold my position.
00:33:13.180 Mm-hmm.
00:33:14.180 I'm on the opposite spectrum, so I've always been the provider.
00:33:17.180 And I've got a little one as well, a 13-year-old.
00:33:20.180 So, I've always been the opposite.
00:33:22.180 I've always earned.
00:33:24.180 And if I go in a relationship, I look after.
00:33:27.180 You know what I mean?
00:33:28.180 Mm-hmm.
00:33:29.180 So, yeah, it's kind of mad right now, me hearing all these percentages.
00:33:33.180 I'm not even going to lie.
00:33:35.180 Wow.
00:33:36.180 Okay, what about you?
00:33:38.180 Top 20% of women? 0.99
00:33:40.180 I would just say they'll just have to be housewives, literally. 1.00
00:33:46.180 Are you top 20% of women, yes or no?
00:33:49.180 Oh, am I?
00:33:50.180 Yeah, I would be qualified to be a housewife. 0.99
00:33:52.180 Okay.
00:33:53.180 Okay.
00:33:54.180 Tick out of the boxes.
00:33:56.180 Top 20% of women, yes or no?
00:33:58.180 Yeah, absolutely.
00:33:59.180 Yeah.
00:34:00.180 Okay.
00:34:01.180 And you said no.
00:34:03.180 No.
00:34:04.180 No.
00:34:05.180 No.
00:34:06.180 No.
00:34:07.180 Big up you lot, man.
00:34:08.180 No.
00:34:09.180 Yeah, no.
00:34:10.180 I think being a housewife, I might be a bit bored.
00:34:12.180 Yeah, I could.
00:34:13.180 I'm a black idiot.
00:34:14.180 When you're asking the question, are you saying, do our values qualify or do we want to?
00:34:18.180 Can you say that?
00:34:19.180 Which one?
00:34:20.180 Are you asking us?
00:34:21.180 No, I was asking if you think you're in the top 20% of women. 0.99
00:34:23.180 Oh, no.
00:34:24.180 In the eyes of men.
00:34:25.180 Mm-hmm.
00:34:26.180 In the eyes of men.
00:34:27.180 But to be fair with the numbers, you know, are screaming out, you sort of are, innit?
00:34:32.180 You wanted to pay 20%, you know what I'm saying?
00:34:35.180 In an ideal world, I'd want to pay 20%, but we don't live in an ideal world.
00:34:39.180 We live in the real world.
00:34:40.180 And I'm not ignorant to the fact that I'm not in the top 20% of women, so I don't expect
00:34:45.180 to be a stay-at-home housewife and have things how I want.
00:34:48.180 I don't know where people get the idea that life's supposed to be exactly how you want
00:34:52.180 it.
00:34:53.180 It's how it is and you deal with it how you're supposed to, given your circumstances.
00:34:57.180 My circumstances are, I'm not top 20%, so I'm probably going to be working.
00:35:02.180 What, what, what age do you guys think traditional women get married by?
00:35:06.180 18.
00:35:07.180 What?
00:35:08.180 18?
00:35:09.180 18.
00:35:10.180 I said 18.
00:35:11.180 Traditional, traditional.
00:35:12.180 Traditional, like arranged marriages and stuff.
00:35:13.180 Maybe 21, between 21 and...
00:35:15.180 Yeah, before you're 20, 100%.
00:35:17.180 So like maybe 19 to 24.
00:35:19.180 25.
00:35:20.180 I would say 20.
00:35:21.180 Yeah.
00:35:22.180 I would say between the age of 21 and 25.
00:35:26.180 21 and 25.
00:35:27.180 25.
00:35:28.180 Okay.
00:35:29.180 Yeah, I would have said 25.
00:35:31.180 Who do you guys think benefits more from the institution of marriage in 2023?
00:35:35.180 Men or women? 0.78
00:35:36.180 Women. 0.81
00:35:37.180 Women. 0.81
00:35:38.180 Women. 0.81
00:35:39.180 Women. 0.81
00:35:40.180 Women, 100%. 0.95
00:35:41.180 Definitely with 20%.
00:35:42.180 Yo.
00:35:43.180 No, but I don't think it's just money.
00:35:45.180 Like, I feel like it's like...
00:35:47.180 But it's the institution of marriage, not the, not the values of marriage, the institution.
00:35:52.180 And women benefit from the institution massively in this country. 0.99
00:35:55.180 But I think normally the men that like earn a lot of money and they're like the main breadwinners,
00:35:59.180 sometimes like, it will end with a lot of domestic like violence and stuff.
00:36:04.180 Cause they feel like they're...
00:36:05.180 I think that's a bold assumption.
00:36:06.180 Okay, cool.
00:36:07.180 Yeah.
00:36:08.180 That is a bold assumption.
00:36:09.180 Let me just shut up. 0.98
00:36:10.180 But still, no, but I feel like sometimes like men that make a lot of money, they have
00:36:15.180 a lot more entitlement though.
00:36:16.180 I think it's definitely women because... 1.00
00:36:17.180 So does entitlement equate domestic violence?
00:36:19.180 No, not domestic violence, but like...
00:36:22.180 What do you mean by entitlement?
00:36:24.180 Because they think, okay, I'm the man, you're the woman, I'm earning money and you're not.
00:36:29.180 So whatever I say like goes, it's not a thing where it's like roles where it's like, okay,
00:36:34.180 cool.
00:36:35.180 I can respect that you're cooking and cleaning.
00:36:37.180 It's more of a thing where I'm making the money and that's like seen as the harder thing.
00:36:40.180 But we all just said that we would have a hard time respecting someone if we made more
00:36:44.180 money than them when it comes to decision making.
00:36:47.180 So don't you think if he's paying all the bills, he should have the final say in decision making?
00:36:51.180 Yes.
00:36:52.180 Otherwise, go find a guy to split it 50-50 with.
00:36:53.180 Yeah, no, I feel like he should have the final, like, but at the same time, as you said
00:36:58.180 before, I feel like there still needs to be a conversation.
00:37:02.180 And true, if you're marrying the right man, you will submit to him.
00:37:05.180 And yeah, there should still be a, and he'll get the final say.
00:37:07.180 But I feel like a lot of men that are earning, they'll just...
00:37:10.180 Blessing.
00:37:11.180 I have a question.
00:37:12.180 Do you want to have a conversation with your girl about every decision?
00:37:16.180 You guys make?
00:37:17.180 Nope.
00:37:18.180 So it's like, you could feel like that, but guys don't want to do it.
00:37:23.180 And it's kind of like, if a dude's providing a lifestyle where you get to be in the top
00:37:28.180 20% of outcomes.
00:37:29.180 But important decisions.
00:37:30.180 Important decisions.
00:37:31.180 He can consult you.
00:37:32.180 And I think if you're with a guy for long enough, he's going to consult you.
00:37:35.180 Maybe, but he also might not.
00:37:37.180 It's like the bosses, you know, like a boss might go to their best employee and ask their opinion.
00:37:41.180 But at the end of the day, whose decision is it?
00:37:45.180 And then the employee doesn't go to the boss and say, you need to have a conversation with me.
00:37:50.180 Okay.
00:37:51.180 But you keep doing the employee and boss.
00:37:54.180 I think it's very like different, a relationship.
00:37:56.180 Yeah.
00:37:57.180 I mean, I agree.
00:37:58.180 I mean, it's different, but it's the same concept.
00:38:00.180 It's the same principle.
00:38:01.180 It's the concept.
00:38:02.180 Yeah.
00:38:03.180 True.
00:38:04.180 I get what you mean.
00:38:05.180 I understand what you mean.
00:38:06.180 Like if, if, if that's the lifestyle that we want, we have to kind of be willing to accept
00:38:09.180 what it comes with.
00:38:11.180 But who says that it has to come with control and like having to obey someone.
00:38:18.180 I don't like that idea.
00:38:19.180 Like, yes, he's providing this life for me, but he's also providing this life for his kids
00:38:23.180 as well.
00:38:24.180 You know?
00:38:25.180 And I'm sure he.
00:38:26.180 The man.
00:38:27.180 Yeah.
00:38:28.180 The man that make the money say that.
00:38:30.180 No, I'm saying that he is obviously providing for his family.
00:38:36.180 So some men are actually happy doing that.
00:38:39.180 They actually want their wife to stay at home and spend time with the kids and not work. 0.96
00:38:43.180 It's not a bad thing.
00:38:44.180 I'm not, I'm not hating on anyone for wanting, wanting what they want, but, but what does he
00:38:49.180 get in return?
00:38:50.180 And those guys typically want submission in return and submission is, and we have to have
00:38:55.180 a conversation every time I want to.
00:38:57.180 I think women are kind of confused in a sense. 1.00
00:39:00.180 Like you've got the modern woman who wants to say traditionally, like how she is with 0.99
00:39:05.180 in her views.
00:39:06.180 Or like it's contradicting it, contradiction, contradicting it, both values because she wants
00:39:13.180 to be a stay at home mom, but she still wants to have a say in the household and fight for 1.00
00:39:16.180 the equality with the confusion of the feminism thing.
00:39:19.180 Okay.
00:39:20.180 Which is like a challenge.
00:39:22.180 Sorry.
00:39:23.180 Let me just jump in there quickly. 0.99
00:39:24.180 So for example, if something happened with your kids, there was an issue in the house.
00:39:29.180 And for example, you and your husband did not agree on the way that that situation was
00:39:36.180 dealt with.
00:39:37.180 Um, am I not allowed to have a say as, as the wife, as the mother of that child?
00:39:42.180 Yeah.
00:39:43.180 Or do I just listen to my husband, no matter what he says, even though I feel that what
00:39:48.180 he's saying is wrong and the way that he treated our son or the way that he decided to deal
00:39:52.180 with that situation.
00:39:53.180 It feels like what you're doing is wrong.
00:39:54.180 You both feel that way.
00:39:55.180 Okay.
00:39:56.180 But then we have to come to some kind of agreement because that's...
00:39:59.180 But feelings are temporary.
00:40:01.180 Feelings aren't really like...
00:40:02.180 I just think women are emotionally with their kids and I find men very logical.
00:40:06.180 And it's factual that a man would raise his child better than a woman. 1.00
00:40:10.180 So I think you have to have faith in your partner.
00:40:12.180 And if he's a man, you have to give him that step above to say, you know what, you're
00:40:16.180 the man of the household.
00:40:17.180 If you don't have that, the whole structure of the household doesn't have any foundations really
00:40:21.180 because a woman can't run it. 1.00
00:40:23.180 It's impossible.
00:40:24.180 And statistics say that women at single parent households and things like that are really
00:40:29.180 awful for children.
00:40:30.180 So I think you have to give your man the upper hand at some point.
00:40:33.180 There's no equality in the household. 0.95
00:40:35.180 There's the man's role and the woman's role. 1.00
00:40:37.180 That's what I believe.
00:40:39.180 And the women that honestly do lead their households, they're miserable. 1.00
00:40:43.180 Yeah.
00:40:44.180 I mean, you guys see the girls that wear the pants in the relationship. 0.94
00:40:47.180 Do they look happy?
00:40:48.180 No.
00:40:49.180 No.
00:40:50.180 I don't stress.
00:40:51.180 It's like carrying on the load.
00:40:52.180 Yeah.
00:40:53.180 Yeah.
00:40:54.180 Oh, oh, gosh, I have a question.
00:40:58.180 All right.
00:40:59.180 Let's say we go back to the beginning of feminism with the suffrage movement. 0.84
00:41:03.180 If you had to fight, if your options in order to vote was to fight in the front line of
00:41:09.180 combat, would you give it up during war times?
00:41:12.180 No.
00:41:13.180 Nope.
00:41:14.180 Hell no.
00:41:15.180 Say the question again, please.
00:41:16.180 so if in order to vote you had to be drafted and in the front lines not just like cooking in the
00:41:23.860 army go to war basically yeah go to war would you still want to vote no yeah i'd go to war
00:41:31.220 i'll stay home i'll tell you that i'll stay home hell no 0.72
00:41:38.260 i'm learning to cook any recipe
00:41:39.860 yeah i'll cook anything for you get me off the battlefield get me off the battlefield
00:41:47.380 do you guys think the wage gap exists no
00:41:52.260 it does it does but it's only what i don't know eight nine percent but are you taking into account
00:41:59.220 the time the amount of time that women are out of work and the amount of women that work part-time
00:42:04.500 the majority of men like they they work full-time and they work for a lot longer than us so the
00:42:10.900 statistics are saying that there's a wage gap generally doesn't make any sense unless you
00:42:15.140 specify it down to women who are working full-time and men who are working full-time because otherwise
00:42:20.100 the statistics are skewed because obviously there's going to be a gap in the wages if a woman is working 1.00
00:42:25.700 part-time and a man is working full-time and say a woman takes time out to go on maternity leave or
00:42:30.740 whatever like i think that statistic is just silly like if you look at men and women actually
00:42:36.660 in the same job like my job for example guy same age as me both graduates we earn the same
00:42:44.260 i don't i don't think you ever walk into a job and the boss decides she's gonna earn less because
00:42:49.300 she's a girl i think maybe there might be a bit of bias when employing someone do i want to hire say
00:42:56.340 a 28 year old who's just gotten married versus say a 35 year old man if i was the boss you know
00:43:03.700 thinking financially i would probably pick the man because okay she's just got married she's 28 she's 0.69
00:43:08.660 not got much time left she's probably gonna have kids soon and you have to pay for mater yeah you 1.00
00:43:13.540 have to pay for like thinking of that from an employer perspective i gotta pay for you to not work for six
00:43:18.740 months no i agree completely yeah and that's the thing women don't want to do the most stressful jobs 1.00
00:43:24.900 typically and i say this from like hiring people i've had situations where i'll offer people roles
00:43:29.780 here where they'll make like double triple the amount like but they'd have to recruit and recruiting's
00:43:34.340 hard and they don't typically want to do it and it's stressful because we can't do the show if you don't
00:43:39.460 do it but women i don't know they just don't want to do those jobs exactly and like if you look at jobs 1.00
00:43:46.020 like for example like labor jobs i mean i don't know a lot about this um but you know the majority of
00:43:53.300 women aren't in labor jobs and people love to scream oh this is inequality and you know women 1.00
00:43:58.500 aren't welcome in these industries no be real with yourself do you actually want to be on a
00:44:02.340 construction site and the majority of women don't want to be there so that's why we're not there 1.00
00:44:08.660 you just contradicted yourself that means there would be a gap in the working industry with man
00:44:12.180 and woman a wage gap how would there be a wage gap because if a woman got employed in the labor 1.00
00:44:16.900 job same as a man she would still earn the same so there wouldn't be a wage she wouldn't earn the 1.00
00:44:20.580 same because she wouldn't be able to do the job anyway she's not physically strong enough to do 0.99
00:44:23.780 the job and the boss will see that so he he's not going to pay someone full wage knowing that she 0.66
00:44:28.580 can't even partake the full job anyway she's not doing the same work anyway so it's not inequality 0.96
00:44:34.020 she's not capable of doing what the man's capable it would be really unfair to pay her the same and a
00:44:39.540 man break his back every day and her get the same money i'll be livid if my husband come home and 1.00
00:44:44.020 as a woman doing less and he's becoming unbroken and like that's just not right yeah no fair enough 0.99
00:44:50.500 i mean i just think like you usually hear things of people saying like you know um i i went on a
00:44:57.140 podcast recently and we were discussing engineering and i was on there with a girl who was talking about
00:45:02.660 how she was in engineering and she was really successful in it like she was actually like above
00:45:07.540 the majority of men she was in quite a high power position she she struggled in that position obviously 1.00
00:45:12.660 because getting a group of men to listen to you when you're in in an industry like that is going
00:45:16.260 to be quite hard um but i just think like women the majority of the times aren't in those jobs because 1.00
00:45:24.340 they don't want to be like obviously physical strength is a limitation of course but i i do believe
00:45:32.340 that in this day and age if you want to do something you can go and give it a go and i think
00:45:38.980 if a woman wanted to be in the labour industry she would and could and should go give it a go 1.00
00:45:45.300 but i do agree that well i'll be honest i'm a i'm a build fiber engineer so i'm the one that's picking
00:45:52.820 up the ducks everything and pushing through cables and everything bringing fiber to people's and do you
00:45:58.900 earn the same as your yeah i do i earn exactly the same so i i want to ask a question would you guys work
00:46:05.460 in an oil rig in alaska for 300 000 a year raise your hand if you would yeah i would
00:46:15.060 purely for curiosity and adventure but that's what i mean if you ask a group of guy that guys that
00:46:22.420 questions half of them are like i'm gone you know they're going for the peace like to get out the
00:46:26.500 crazy households that exist now like yes please do you think women are more masculine today than 50 1.00
00:46:36.100 years ago yeah definitely 100 100 and have you guys ever struggled with your femininity 100
00:46:49.620 okay someone anyone who struggled with their feminine i would say i struggle in a sense where
00:46:54.820 i have no choice but to be masculine to fend for myself because there isn't really any man providing
00:46:59.700 for me in that sense so i'm forced to actually be masculine and then you know pay for my rent the 0.60
00:47:05.620 car the everything else i have to pay for if i had the choice i would choose to drop that tomorrow and
00:47:11.060 actually just have a guy do all of that are men forced to be feminine when they're single fathers 0.98
00:47:15.540 um yeah because there's no woman in the home not necessarily they can go find a female to a place 1.00
00:47:20.100 that i feel like they would have to tap into certain feminine roles i wouldn't say they have to be 0.99
00:47:25.540 feminine but they might have to um do something that they wouldn't have to do like for example 1.00
00:47:30.500 if they have a like for example i lived with my dad for a period of time my mom wasn't in the
00:47:34.100 home he had to tell me about which was very awkward monthly your period yeah to have that
00:47:39.860 conversation with me whereas if a woman was in the house right but does he start acting like a
00:47:44.180 girl like is he like hi no definitely no definitely how you doing he's definitely not be doing that but
00:47:51.940 it's like i'm in my feminine today no no but he had he had to step into a feminine role right but he
00:47:57.220 was still very masculine right but i feel like how can i but i think that's how guys hear it when we
00:48:02.340 when we say we have to be masculine yeah because there's no masculine like because there's not a guy
00:48:07.300 around or we have to do masculine things i feel like for me when i had to was in masculine energy is
00:48:11.620 when i was in a relationship where the man wasn't leading so i wasn't able to be feminine he was
00:48:17.060 allowing me to make this like i don't i like making decisions but it was a thing of where i was making
00:48:23.140 all of the decisions like oh it's fine no you have the last saying it was that okay like oh you do this
00:48:29.060 you do that i was in a masculine energy because the man wasn't operating in the masculine energy yeah
00:48:34.100 so i was basically like struggling and fighting every single day for the well why are you picking
00:48:39.380 feminine men do you know well why am i pick i was very young when i met him i was 18 so i didn't
00:48:44.820 know about feminine masculine energy you're young oh he looks good or he's nice and you just go with
00:48:50.340 the flow so i didn't know that then it wasn't until seven years have gone past wait okay so you didn't
00:48:55.620 notice it for seven years i noticed it but i was like ignoring it because i was like oh this is who i
00:49:00.660 love i want to be with and you ignore when you're in love you're blinded so for seven years you were
00:49:05.460 masculine masculine yeah so how how did you stop being masculine because i'd imagine like if you
00:49:11.060 do something for seven years how do you just break that habit to be honest with you i'm still in
00:49:15.620 therapy i'm still healing and learning i haven't stopped being masculine i'm learning how to not be
00:49:20.580 masculine so i'm single at the moment because i've had to learn that i basically stopped by not being
00:49:26.260 that person anymore and realizing that oh my gosh i was operating in masculine energy because they
00:49:30.820 wasn't and it wasn't even their fault it's just something that they couldn't do it wasn't within
00:49:34.740 them so now i'm in a learning process like okay i don't want to be masculine anymore i want to be
00:49:39.860 feminine i want to be soft but still i'm not a type of soft person that just sit at home no i like to
00:49:45.060 work i like to earn but i want to be able to be for a man to look at me and be like this is a woman 0.97
00:49:50.740 she's not trying to be strong or aggressive i don't want to be like that but yeah so i'm still in the
00:49:55.860 process of so for the single fathers what actually stops the guy from getting a replacement woman
00:50:02.980 what stops him what stops him getting a replacement woman
00:50:08.180 i mean maybe he doesn't like the modern women today a lack of wives 1.00
00:50:15.060 um common law marriage i mean the risks that come with marriage not wanting to bring a bunch of women 1.00
00:50:21.700 in and out of the home knowing they might leave and like knowing that's hard on a child yeah but
00:50:26.340 and even if he just finds a girlfriend to just facilitate the mother being there so he doesn't
00:50:30.900 have to be a full-on feminine single dad he might not want to be introducing women to his child 0.97
00:50:37.060 because it's not easy he might think oh if i introduce this woman how long is she going to be
00:50:40.980 there for i mean women i mean women leave 70 to 80 percent 80 of the time in divorce like in marriages 0.73
00:50:47.220 and so if it's a girlfriend how long is she really going to be there i'm sure he can find a solution
00:50:54.980 for that i'm sure i mean i i think that's a feminine point of view because for us it's like 0.93
00:51:02.020 there's always someone yeah but for men it's not always i mean one in three men are sexless they've
00:51:05.940 been had sex in the past year or they're virgins under 30 and so it's not as simple as oh just find
00:51:11.220 someone i beg to differ it's very very very easy to actually find just a normal genuine female that
00:51:18.180 can actually facilitate her needs because i disagree i think it's extremely difficult to find anybody in
00:51:23.700 the world today like yeah when you say like there's men that have gone without being in a relationship
00:51:29.700 for years i'm i'm one of those people like i've gone years without seeing anyone because i'm not
00:51:34.260 foreseeing that particular with what i want in my life and then in terms of like having someone around
00:51:39.620 my child i don't believe i could even consider anyone being around my child worthy enough to
00:51:46.420 actually i don't want anybody around my child because i know my partner would be upset about
00:51:50.580 the fact that there's another man around his child so i don't think that i find that very disrespectful
00:51:55.460 unless your man has specifically said i'm happy with that so i couldn't disrespect his principles there
00:52:01.940 but if you really think about it from the beginning when you're actually dating someone there's red flags
00:52:05.780 and you've got green flags and it's very easy to actually suss out the red flags that are there
00:52:10.260 very easy people reveal themselves in many different ways and like i said we have the feminists out 1.00
00:52:15.140 there that's revealing that they want to be a feminist so it's now easy for men to point out okay 1.00
00:52:19.540 this is what the feminists display as i now know what i do not want it's very easy i think women are 1.00
00:52:25.860 very smart i can say not just women i say men like once you become entangled in relationships like
00:52:31.620 children marriage you that or living with somebody i think that's when you really get to know someone
00:52:36.980 like people change like people are pretending to be somebody whether it's red or green flags whatever
00:52:42.660 you want to say but once you generally get to know someone things change people change one in four
00:52:47.540 marriages are sexless and it's usually on the part of the women how is a guy going to predict that 0.97
00:52:53.300 one in four it's very easy for me well no one's a mastermind no one can actually hide their true
00:52:59.380 self-right the whole time that's based to the decision that's up to you if you want to
00:53:06.500 some people get married and they'll buy a house together and like then the woman or all man will 0.98
00:53:11.940 want all of the house like they will lose everything and have to start all over again then you've got
00:53:16.180 broken men and women in society who are truly broken plus the children and everything i know someone
00:53:20.660 that got divorced and his ex-wife killed his dog how would he predict that from the beginning she would
00:53:28.420 have displayed some time i don't think that you're saying from the beginning but you can meet
00:53:34.900 someone in the beginning and they're amazing and that was their true self and then they've gone
00:53:37.940 through a life experience whilst being with you and they change people change people change
00:53:42.580 monthly daily yearly we're better liars men or women women women definitely women women definitely 0.78
00:53:49.300 women men men are not very good liars i don't think i think you can always see it in their eyes
00:53:53.460 i think women maybe actually i'm not too sure women women act better but i don't know definitely 0.99
00:54:00.660 women i think we're better at hiding things definitely um but seeing someone and living
00:54:08.500 with them is two different things yeah you never know someone till you live with them and how much are
00:54:12.980 you going to change in 40 50 years a lot yeah but if you really want a long marriage i mean people
00:54:19.940 change at times yeah um i agree with you some guys do ignore red flags but i i just think when it's
00:54:27.380 their kid that's at risk it's like a lot of guys just would rather avoid that situation altogether
00:54:33.700 i think that's the most likely person that is to abuse your child like sexually it's a step parent
00:54:38.660 wow yeah that's actually crazy