Modern Women Wish They Had Kids Ten Years Ago ｜ Pearl Daily
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Summary
In 2019, only 51% of 30-year-olds in the United States had been married by the age of 30, compared to 90% who were married at least once in 1962. Women who waited to become parents at a later age admit that raising a child when they're older has a whole other set of problems that they did not anticipate.
Transcript
00:04:29.980
And you also, if we get enough people on the website, we could do in-person events.
00:04:35.080
And I give you the tips and tricks of how to be a YouTuber.
00:04:38.880
I can save you guys three years of work, or if you want to be off camera, I can teach you
00:04:44.780
how to sell editors overseas and keep the margin for yourself.
00:04:52.080
So, I can't talk enough about the modern women life cycle we have established here on Pearl
00:05:05.960
I've sent it to other creators that I know, and they've verified its validity.
00:05:10.960
Now, I can't recap the whole thing here, but go back to my previous episodes of Pearl Daily
00:05:18.320
Today, we're going to be talking about points four and five of the modern women's life cycle, with four being that modern women will wake up between the ages of 33 to 37, rush to have a kid, find a husband, or both.
00:05:30.900
And number five being modern women will hit their late 30s and early 40s and try to get pregnant, either by a loser or by IVF.
00:05:40.540
Modern women will rush to have kids, and some of them will get what they want.
00:05:45.140
They'll find a man who is irresponsible enough to have a kid by or become a single mother and get inseminated by IVF to be a single mother by choice.
00:05:55.960
But when this happens, they end up being older mothers.
00:05:59.500
Now, many of these women find more fulfillment in parenting than they ever would have found in their careers or schools.
00:06:10.620
There is a growing group of women that admit they wish they had kids sooner.
00:06:14.740
They admit that raising a child when they're older has a whole other set of problems that they did not anticipate.
00:06:34.880
I don't regret having my son, but I regret what I've given to him by having him later in life.
00:06:43.820
Women who waited until an older age to have kids are sharing their stories.
00:06:48.200
Nowadays, there are a multitude of reasons why women are choosing to get married or have children at an older age.
00:06:53.760
In 2019, only 51% of 30-year-olds in the United States had been married compared to in 1962 when 90% of 30-year-olds had been married at least once.
00:07:05.620
In a previous post, dozens of people from the BuzzFeed community shared their reasoning.
00:07:13.700
Next, I want to dive deeper into the kids part.
00:07:17.940
So, I asked people who did wait to become parents at a later age if they're happy with their decision.
00:07:23.140
Or if there was anything they wish they did differently had their circumstances been different.
00:07:27.740
Before sharing their stories, it's worth reiterating that there's no right or wrong timeline to choose to have kids or not have kids.
00:07:36.400
Because it is important to openly talk about this topic because it's nuanced.
00:07:43.500
You can find several of these perspectives below.
00:07:51.560
My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years with little birth control beside the pull-out method.
00:08:01.120
I was fine with waiting to have kids first when I was 30 and he was 35.
00:08:05.360
We started wanting to have kids since we'd already traveled quite a bit and bought a home.
00:08:08.840
After two years of infertility and one miscarriage, we went through IVF and I had my first daughter at 32 and second daughter at 34.
00:08:18.640
He comes from a large family with lots of siblings.
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We are both from a culture that values large families.
00:08:24.760
I would have loved to have more kids, but I'm just too tired.
00:08:27.160
Having a kid in your 20s versus your 30s isn't the same.
00:08:30.580
You have so much less energy, or at least that's the case for me.
00:08:37.080
And I'm kind of sad that I'm never going to go through pregnancy labor and have another addition to the family.
00:08:42.020
We do have one leftover embryo that I keep in the back of my mind just in case.
00:08:49.380
I'm going to find someone else to make me kid number two.
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No regrets here, at least not for any of the common reasons mentioned.
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My regret is that my children's grandparents are older too and that my children will lose them at a younger age than I lost mine.
00:09:04.680
The life, the care, and the wisdom grandparents share is invaluable.
00:09:09.100
Number three, I waited until I found the right partner.
00:09:12.560
We met at 35 and married at 37 and instantly began trying to expand our families.
00:09:18.640
We've gone through multiple miscarriages, failed IVF cycles, and a failed donor egg cycle.
00:09:24.720
I wish I would have been more educated about my body and known how hard it is for a woman of advanced maternal age to try to conceive.
00:09:32.360
Not one OBGYN spoke to me about freezing my eggs.
00:09:36.040
Not one OBGYN ever spoke to me about my eggs and how age affects them.
00:09:41.000
While I was aware that egg quality declines as you age, I was not prepared for the reality that I've now gone through.
00:09:46.840
I never thought to ask questions when I was younger while actively avoiding getting pregnant.
00:09:53.000
It makes me sad that I was never taught about my own body.
00:10:02.900
I had my first child one year ago and I'm very happy.
00:10:05.820
I have no problems getting pregnant after 20 years of birth control.
00:10:10.360
I have a loving husband who splits child care responsibilities, two sets of retired grandparents who live close by,
00:10:17.580
and allow my husband and I to have a weekly date night.
00:10:19.760
We can afford a nanny, which makes life so much easier.
00:10:27.480
So, yeah, you know, again, this is all a roll of the dice, right?
00:10:30.560
The same way when men get married, it's a roll of the dice.
00:10:34.980
Like 10% of us have, I think it's called endometriosis.
00:10:43.740
Really, it's not the worst idea to be tested for that at a young age, you know what I mean?
00:10:59.960
Respectively, if I had to do it over again, I would definitely have kids at a younger age.
00:11:03.720
I am now 54 and do not nearly have the same energy I would have if I were younger.
00:11:07.760
I'm also scared of having a major health problem before I can get my kids out of the house and through college.
00:11:12.880
Also, in terms of helping for college, I'll only have a few years left to work before I retire,
00:11:17.460
all while having to help my kids through college.
00:11:23.600
Will I have the energy and health to be a good grandma?
00:11:25.640
Will I be able to help my kids out if they need a lot of unknowns?
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Pearl Reed, women want the wedding and not the marriage.
00:11:39.420
Modern women want the pregnancy and the birth, but they don't want to be married.
00:11:49.480
They just want, um, they, what they want is the, the pregnancy, you know, the clout of being a mom.
00:12:01.500
But being a mom, I don't think they really like that much.
00:12:10.460
Um, I loved having the freedom without kids when I was in my twenties and thirties.
00:12:15.740
Now that I'm older, I have the money, the patience, and the time to give my kids a better version of me more than 20 years ago.
00:12:25.540
I waited until my career and finances were stable, which took me until the age of 34.
00:12:30.480
Unfortunately, I started developing an eating disorder in my early thirties, which may have significantly inhibited my ability to conceive.
00:12:39.380
My spouse and I are actively trying to get pregnant, but I'm terrified that we completely missed our window.
00:12:49.860
I mean, I keep saying this on the show because we keep, I mean, we're cooked.
00:12:54.140
Like, I do think like, I don't think the world's going to end.
00:12:58.120
I think like society will be fine relatively for my whole lifetime.
00:13:01.380
But in terms of like the nuclear family, one mom, one dad, and kids cooked.
00:13:06.860
C-O-O-K, cook, E-D, cooked, cooked, done, nice, naisky, not.
00:13:17.640
I was having a conversation with someone and they were calling me, he was calling me black-pilled, right?
00:13:24.480
And this, and I'm like, and this is a guy that was divorced, right?
00:13:30.600
And I'm talking to him and he's like, how can you have this outlook?
00:13:35.380
Do you not think that like you and your boyfriend could have a, because that's what everyone
00:13:39.520
They're like, you don't think you guys could have a good relationship?
00:13:54.240
Like, I'm like, I'm sure, I'm sure you thought you were going to be married forever.
00:14:02.300
I'm sure I thought that I was going to be with a previous boyfriend forever, right?
00:14:09.280
But you can't, you know, there's people that think they're going to be at their job forever.
00:14:13.840
You can't really control the universe and you certainly can't control another person.
00:14:17.560
So you cannot control if he is going to leave you or she is, right?
00:14:41.820
I convinced myself and him that we were loved our lives and wanted to be child free.
00:14:52.480
Can you imagine your wife writing this about you?
00:15:02.880
If a woman's putting off having kids with you, I got bad news for you.
00:15:08.740
But, well, it doesn't have to be bad news, right?
00:15:14.440
If we take her ego out of this, because that is pretty ego killing, right?
00:15:21.000
She deems you not worthy of reproducing, right?
00:15:24.700
But, but, but, but, but, um, here's the upside.
00:15:33.300
You don't need to pull out because she's going to abort.
00:15:38.400
I'm just, I'm trying to, or she'll make sure she's on birth control or whatever.
00:15:43.300
Like, you know, the, the sad thing is you got about seven years with your wife before
00:15:49.760
So the upside is you fellas can always do better, younger, and hotter.
00:15:55.180
So if you like what you got going, just remember, you can always get better.
00:16:12.520
I mean, we love being side chicks, so we can go do that forever.
00:16:22.860
When I met my second husband, I knew I wanted to have children with him and he felt the same
00:16:27.200
I got pregnant with her first a month after our wedding.
00:16:29.780
We had our second right after I turned 38 in our neighborhood in Texas.
00:16:32.820
I'm one of the oldest moms with young kids, but it couldn't have worked out any other way.
00:16:40.060
I was set on not having a kid because I didn't want the baby to have an alcoholic father.
00:16:44.600
Yet I chose my husband over a child for 14 years.
00:16:47.040
I do not regret making this choice and waiting to see if he would get sober because he eventually
00:16:51.540
did after 12 years together on his own, on his own.
00:16:54.380
And now we are expecting our first and only in my late thirties, I believe is a much better
00:16:59.020
choice to have a child at a time when they can be raised better.
00:17:08.580
I mean, maybe you shouldn't date an alcoholic, but she loved him and she was really in it
00:17:13.500
for the ups and the downs, which we love the ups and the downs anyway.
00:17:20.200
And, um, now she gets like, she tamed the bad boy.
00:17:24.300
So now, you know, this is like every woman's, you know, what she dreams of.
00:17:30.020
And then what she can also do is get the, I'm such a good woman clout points where she
00:17:34.820
can attribute all of his overcoming alcoholism to her, which is going to be great for her.
00:17:43.140
I believe it is a much better choice to have a child at a time when they can be raised better
00:17:47.000
just to have them on a ridiculous timeline that society throws at us and expects us to follow.
00:17:51.540
The average person in their twenties is definitely not suited and ready to have kids because
00:17:55.660
they have them anyway, because they're cuter, because they just got married and it's the
00:18:02.360
Um, I had my son at 33, which in my area is considered older.
00:18:06.660
I sometimes wish I had done things differently and had them earlier or not at all.
00:18:14.300
I have nothing in common with most of the other moms on his t-ball team because I'm 10
00:18:21.640
Uh, my friends who do have kids are either much older than my son or they live in another
00:18:26.960
I wish I would have been able to have him in my twenties, but then I think I wouldn't
00:18:35.000
I think about how exhausted I am when I still have work to do, house to clean, appointments
00:18:44.040
Women in the past had kids in their, like their forties, in their late thirties, right?
00:18:59.040
You know, like Jesse Lee Peterson says, sorry, grandma, you know, but I asked her before she
00:19:05.560
died, I asked her, um, I said, is there anything you like, are there any regrets you have in
00:19:18.840
Oh, you know, I was on birth control for a few years and I wish I had 12, 12.
00:19:28.580
Cause the women now are like doing less than the women of the past did.
00:19:33.020
Cause like my grandma had nine kids, you know, so, but they're exhausted from one.
00:19:38.860
I'm wondering, maybe they had the older kids just like do all the work for them.
00:19:42.900
That's the only, that's the only workaround I've thought about, but by all accounts, it
00:20:00.600
I regret what I had given to him by having him later.
00:20:06.020
I did it the right way and had three kids in my 20 child.
00:20:11.000
And at 10 and eight, they do not talk and self-harm one in 30 is terrible odds.
00:20:21.920
I mean, if you had them in your twenties, there's nothing you can do.
00:20:32.340
I don't mean to call your kid an L, but I can't really walk that back.
00:20:39.500
I can't really, I can't really be like, I said it.
00:20:49.380
I, I, I said what I said, Joel, there's never a good time to have kids.
00:20:53.760
One makes sacrifices at any age, deal with it and stop complaining girls.
00:21:02.380
If you guys super chat on the normal webs on the YouTube, you can do it too.
00:21:14.500
So she did, we have had kids, like the feminists aren't wrong.
00:21:18.340
We have had kids into the forties, but remember your body changes when you have kids in your
00:21:26.060
So by the time in your forties, am I making sense?
00:21:34.040
Like you're more likely to get pregnant again than get pregnant for the first time at 40.
00:21:42.120
That's always like women are like, Oh, my mom had kids up 42.
00:21:45.760
So did mine, but she had her sixth kid or her ninth kid, not your first kid with IVF, Diane.
00:21:56.820
I waited until I was in a good job, stable marriage and big enough house to raise a family.
00:22:00.620
But I regret not having children earlier because I don't have any energy at almost 40 that I
00:22:04.840
had in my twenties from sleepless nights to running around in the ballpark.
00:22:07.720
I'm exhausted and that's running around, rubbing on my child.
00:22:10.940
That's the reason we have decided to only have one child.
00:22:14.100
I'm sure I could physically manage another pregnancy and baby phase.
00:22:17.000
We were planning on having two, but I regret the waiting.
00:22:20.000
My child will be in waiting meant that my child will be an only child 13.
00:22:25.880
I wish I had taken more time to be in shape before getting pregnant.
00:22:31.800
I'm so tired of women blaming, getting, and you're not fat because you had a kid.
00:22:39.340
I've seen pictures of women from the 1920s, 30s, 40s, 50s.
00:22:46.540
My mom ran a marathon six months pregnant and my youngest sister is fine.
00:22:59.040
It's been way harder to get motivated to work out and lose the weight while also working
00:23:10.700
My partner and I had just started back in school.
00:23:17.300
I'm going to do one more before we move on to the next.
00:23:23.780
My partner had just started back in school after taking eight years off.
00:23:27.820
So we put off starting a family until they were done with their degree.
00:23:32.640
We wanted to wait until we were more financially ready.
00:23:35.940
When the time finally seemed right, I was diagnosed with PCOS.
00:23:41.440
After a few rounds of mild fertility treatments failed, we made the decision to not move forward
00:23:47.760
I wish someone would have told me when I was younger that there was not a right time to
00:23:53.440
But then, but more than that, I wish someone would have told me that it's okay to stop
00:24:01.100
And finally, being able to stop beating myself up over it, it was very freeing.
00:24:05.740
Sometimes things don't end up the way that you would have always thought, but that does
00:24:11.160
A 15, I didn't find the right partner until my 30s and then had problems getting pregnant,
00:24:18.500
At first, we enjoyed our financial stability and that we were past our partying years.
00:24:22.800
We were able to be very attentive and present parents.
00:24:26.660
Then my mom died and it devastated me to lose a parent in our 40s.
00:24:30.180
Now, I'm really afraid we won't live to see our grandchildren or really know my children
00:24:35.400
I want to be an active grandparent and that doesn't look like it's going to happen.
00:24:38.820
I'm afraid of being old, frail grandma, or not being here at all, taking care of my
00:24:43.440
aging grandparents and also having very young children.
00:24:47.460
And I never thought I'd be in the position and I don't want to burden my kids with that
00:24:54.860
Okay, so next we have women on TikTok talking about their L's as per usual.
00:25:00.680
So here are women talking about wishing they had kids earlier.
00:25:12.300
Baby, and absolutely, I love my bugger-nosed kids to death.
00:25:18.260
I would not trade my children for the world, right?
00:25:20.800
But again, I would have had my children younger if I had known a little better, okay?
00:25:29.020
And the sad thing about society and the world is, it's like, oh, they tell you, go to school,
00:25:34.860
get your career, get your career, get your career.
00:25:36.920
So as women, sometimes we put off having children in order to pursue that career.
00:25:42.240
And then when we decide to have children, we ain't got no energy to run after those kids
00:25:47.760
because toddlers, they are a special kind of something.
00:25:50.640
They require, oh, the amount of energy and attention a toddler requires is insane.
00:25:57.900
So as a woman, it's like we have to think between career or children, career or children.
00:26:09.620
Yeah, we put it off because we don't want to do it.
00:26:12.640
Like, this is what conservative commentators miss.
00:26:18.480
There's this idea that women have this innate nature to have children, raise them and be mothers.
00:26:35.180
Well, if we're so nurturing, why have we aborted an eighth of the world population?
00:26:40.440
Why is it that we fought for birth control to push off motherhood as long as humanly possible?
00:26:56.400
It's like, okay, if you have a fat person and they're like, I want to get in good shape.
00:27:05.540
You're like, you don't really want to lose weight, right?
00:27:09.820
You'd rather eat than, and I've been there, right?
00:27:13.500
I used to, you know, I used to be kind of chunky and I didn't want to give up my large caramel lattes.
00:27:24.760
I was like, I wanted that more than being thin, I guess.
00:27:32.000
Yeah, we abort more children each year than die.
00:27:37.700
And if we, then we look at like women that have kids.
00:27:40.380
And did you know when a child is found in a dumpster or dead in the first year of life,
00:27:50.920
So the most likely person to kill a kid is the mom.
00:27:54.000
Now, I also cross-examined this with the infant mortality rates in the past.
00:28:00.180
So if one out of three women have abortions now, and the infant mortality rate used to be one out of three,
00:28:16.360
Now, they may have fooled the guys in the past, but there were bones found in bathhouses in Greece.
00:28:29.060
Because what happened was in history, if, okay, so if I'm married, right?
00:28:38.940
And then someone else came in and killed my husband.
00:28:46.640
And do you know who I have to fall in love with?
00:28:48.500
That guy that killed my entire, that's what we had to deal with, ladies.
00:28:57.900
And you either had to fall in love or fake it real good.
00:29:03.700
Yeah, because before in the past, if we didn't do that, do you know who was going to be killed next?
00:29:15.500
So, of course, now, women, it's like, we like to be desired.
00:29:24.160
But if we really liked being kids, then why are we such terrible mothers?
00:29:29.060
Like, if we really liked the kids, why do we keep using them as a pawn against the father?
00:29:40.460
Like, I think they like controlling things, right?
00:29:43.560
Like, they like to have the kid to control the guy.
00:29:46.540
I think we like attention and being worshipped, right?
00:29:49.600
So, we like, we want to post the, that, we want to post that we're good mothers, right?
00:29:59.860
So, we want to post the children and, like, put them, I mean, we call, I think Ryan Stone calls it a fuck trophy for clout.
00:30:10.480
We like to say, wow, I, you know, this is my kid.
00:30:18.320
Like, we like the attention from the baby shower, the attention from the wedding, the attention from the birth.
00:30:25.720
You got to take all that away and see if she sticks around.
00:30:32.020
But then you never really know until she gets what she wants.
00:30:35.320
And I'll tell you what, because, and you guys do this too.
00:30:40.260
Haven't you guys ever been dating a woman, right?
00:30:52.300
I just, you know, men, it's like they're blinded by their want to smash, right?
00:30:58.280
So, like, they'll think a girl is, like, a good person.
00:31:04.300
But then, you know, in hindsight, they'll be like, I just liked the sex.
00:31:09.060
Now, we have the same thing, but after we have the kid.
00:31:13.340
And this isn't my experience, right, because I haven't had a kid.
00:31:16.420
But they figured this out in the forums years ago, where women, they have the kid or the wedding, whatever the hell that woman wanted.
00:31:24.540
Now, she has to look in front of her and say, do I even like this guy?
00:31:28.060
Unfortunately, what we have seen is two things.
00:31:32.260
And these are the two uncomfortable truths nobody wants to talk about.
00:31:38.620
Women don't want to be mothers as much as we thought.
00:31:49.620
So, it's not like it's a shocker we don't like you either, right?
00:32:01.600
Like, we're just, we are just like chaos, right?
00:32:08.400
100% of babies put up for adoption are snapped up by couples who want them.
00:32:16.280
When you have a kid that's given up for adoption as a baby, it's pretty much you'll find a home.
00:32:24.120
What happens is when a kid's given up for adoption by a crackhead, that's when nobody wants it, right?
00:32:34.940
You know, I mean, at that point, the kid's messed up.
00:32:37.320
It's like, you know, I've been on both sides of adoption where my parents gave up a kid and got a kid.
00:32:47.080
When I was 22, I found out I had another brother.
00:32:58.620
And so, I met him when I was like 23, I think, the next year.
00:33:03.260
He was just like us, even though we'd never met him.
00:33:05.480
Like, literally, we never met him until I was like 23.
00:33:28.040
And he was probably more similar than the teenagers that we adopted.
00:33:36.780
But like, you could still say, you know, we had some influence.
00:33:40.900
And that's when I realized before then, because of how badly single mothers like F up their kids.
00:33:51.260
I always thought it was nature or nurture, right?
00:33:54.660
Because the single mother home stats were so bad.
00:33:57.520
But when I found out, when I met my brother, I was like, oh, this is nature too.
00:34:02.720
So maybe the single mothers are single mothers because they just got some effed up genes.
00:34:10.440
But my point is there's, we're going back to this.
00:34:30.260
Because if you look at what we do as a group, because I know, they always bring it back to me.
00:34:40.320
But I have to look, like, at what we do in groups, in masses, in order to come to, like, a conclusion about society.
00:34:49.320
Like, for example, when I look at the, like, women that men have crushes on, they have big tits, big ass, and a symmetrical face, and they're, like, 22.
00:34:58.280
So we can, like, the leads in, like, James Bond movies and all, does that make sense?
00:35:04.300
So we can come to a conclusion that men like young, hot women with big boobs and tits, right?
00:35:09.900
But for some reason, we can't come to that same conclusion when women try to sleep with men at concerts, and they throw them, like, when they're underage, throwing themselves at of-age adults.
00:35:21.320
Or, like, they sleep with celebrities, sending nudes, they're getting naked in public.
00:35:26.400
Like, for some reason, we can't accept the fact that, like, female nature is kind of whore, right?
00:35:33.380
Like, that, like, for society, like, we can accept that men are dogs, but we can't accept that women are sluts.
00:35:42.540
One, we can fully be like, yeah, men are going to, if they think they can get away with it, she'll never find out, they're just going to do it, unfortunately.
00:35:51.320
Um, but, yeah, so, society, they will accept the unflattering truths about men easily, right?
00:36:02.220
They'll say men are dogs, um, men are stubborn, um, you know, I mean, the list goes on.
00:36:11.700
I mean, even the abuse, men aren't even abusive, it's women that are abusive, but they'll say men are violent,
00:36:23.760
I think women are the abusive, violent ones, but whatever, right?
00:36:28.680
But when we're going to go to the women, we can't accept the whore nature, right?
00:36:33.600
And we can't accept the hype, like, the women are always going to try to do better if they can.
00:36:42.460
And we can't, we also can't accept the women, like, cloud is a drug, you know.
00:36:47.480
Men kind of do know this, but we can't say this publicly.
00:36:50.420
So, all right, so, let me see if anyone else wanted to read on the website.
00:36:55.520
Remember, you get unlimited super chats on the website.
00:36:58.180
You just go and put Pearl Reed, 10 bucks a month, all you want.
00:37:01.980
Okay, kids are, wait, wait, there's never a good time to have kids.
00:37:19.640
We realized we were way better parents by waiting until we were more mature and less selfish.
00:37:23.500
Look, some people are happy they waited, some aren't.
00:37:29.980
Never forget that the woman's body tends to dump toxins into the child's pregnancy by breastfeeding.
00:37:55.900
I got unintentionally pregnant and planned on having him, but unfortunately had a miscarriage,
00:38:00.800
even though I didn't make it past my first trimester.
00:38:04.420
I was so attached to this life and immediately went into mom mode.
00:38:07.680
All I cared about was preparing for and protecting my child.
00:38:10.540
I share this only to say after my experience, I don't understand how anyone could choose to terminate.
00:38:15.640
I was always pro-life, but just didn't want to have my own.
00:38:26.580
Look, it's, and I hate saying this, but we don't, you don't know what your morals are
00:38:34.160
until you have the, you're in a situation where you can do the wrong thing.
00:38:39.180
Okay, because, you know, and I hate, I hate saying this, Anna, I am sure that guy was good
00:38:46.400
enough to reproduce with if you kept the kid, but if it was the most loser guy you've ever
00:38:51.840
slept with, and please don't give me the bullshit if I've never slept with a loser, I don't believe
00:38:57.020
you, but I'm just being honest here when most women and men in the right situation would do
00:39:06.660
Like, it's like the billionaire who starts cheating on his wife.
00:39:10.160
Well, he always wanted to cheat, but now he just gets the choice.
00:39:14.480
Or, you know, the guy who gets rich and starts doing drugs and partying.
00:39:30.120
I mean, what, you're going to tone police me on my show?
00:39:35.260
All right, Ben, you should review Matthew Hussey's new video, finally forced to address the male
00:39:50.220
And shout out to the women who don't want kids here, because some women don't want children.
00:39:53.800
So sometimes we hear shaming women, oh, you ain't got kids.
00:40:13.700
But then I got to know women more and I was like, that is right.
00:40:17.120
Pro Reed, this happened to me so much overseas.
00:40:19.480
They don't have, have the option to abort their children.
00:40:23.780
Every woman probably would in the worst situation.
00:40:26.400
I'm sure some women have morals, but that guy in the Bible said he met a thousand women
00:40:35.520
So if the guy in the Bible says this, who am I to think that like, I am better or other
00:40:50.660
But all I'm saying is if I could go back 37 with a three-year-old.
00:40:56.640
You actually had women supporting you, but now you're just a rage beard.
00:41:12.320
It's like, they just get in my chat and nag and nag and nag and nag.
00:41:31.080
I was asked, when did I have kids and why did I choose to have them at that time?
00:41:36.960
I grew up in a household that wasn't necessarily happy.
00:41:41.400
They tried to provide their very best for us, but they had a really difficult relationship
00:41:45.340
and it did not make me keen on getting married and having kids.
00:41:49.000
I was actually much more desperate to have something of my own because I watched my mom
00:41:53.360
struggling, not being able to leave, even though he was cheating.
00:42:03.340
I always longed for a family to sit around the dinner table, to talk like you see in the
00:42:12.160
So when I met John and we finally got married, you know, I was already like 34 and we wanted
00:42:20.000
And for some reason, I really wasn't scared about it.
00:42:23.560
It wasn't something that I was, again, desperate for.
00:42:35.580
The reality of having a baby, nobody tells you the truth.
00:42:39.560
So when you finally have kids, you realize, oh, okay, that's a lot harder than I thought
00:42:47.380
Women will always say, this is so much harder than I thought.
00:42:49.940
And men will say, this is easier than I thought.
00:42:55.720
The men will be like, this is like the easiest.
00:42:58.340
This is what you guys have been doing the whole time.
00:43:01.800
And the women will say, it's the hardest thing you could ever do.
00:43:10.320
So we were a little bit more stable and not stressed out all the time about money.
00:43:13.820
I was old enough and mature enough to be home, but more okay with making that sacrifice.
00:43:26.140
So I had my first child when I was 37 and then my second, when I was 39, waited, waited,
00:43:46.280
And what no one tells you about waiting later to have kids is that you might be menopausal
00:43:57.420
You might become menopausal when your kid is going through puberty.
00:44:06.720
It's for reference, it's not happening yet, but I'm anticipating some bullshit.
00:44:12.180
It's going to be thrown down in the next few years.
00:44:14.640
Also, also no one tells you that your parents, when you have little toddlers, little kids who
00:44:23.920
are in elementary school, no one tells you that this is when your parents start acting
00:44:30.760
When your parents start acting stupid and you're like, am I, what are we doing here?
00:44:42.120
And now you're making me, am I worrying about you as well?
00:44:49.260
I have a lot of friends who have little kids who are also going through some shit with their
00:44:56.000
So wowza, have kids, wait, wait, have kids when you're older, you're more mature, you're
00:45:08.440
However, other things to think about, roll the fucking beautiful bean footage.
00:45:29.920
Women talks about how horrible it was getting pregnant when she was older.
00:45:33.580
The other thing about women that I can always take is that when women say that something
00:45:37.640
is horrible, I can always count that it's not that horrible.
00:45:42.100
Like, they say this is like the worst thing ever.
00:45:45.460
Did they get your order wrong at the restaurant?
00:45:50.320
See, if you guys want the drama, go to theaudacitynetwork.com.
00:45:54.160
Said, Pearl wasn't being malicious, da-da-da-da-da-da.
00:45:58.000
You actually had a woman supporting you, but you're just a rage bait.
00:46:03.720
This is why I'm like, whenever I let women into the chat, I just know it's a matter of
00:46:12.340
Because they want to support you, but they only want to support you in the way that they
00:46:16.840
So it's like, I support what you're doing, but only when you say the words that I want.
00:46:22.180
And, well, then I guess go to the other female, there's 10 other female influencers that'll
00:46:39.460
Okay, so Women Talks about how horrible, for the record, it was my boyfriend, now husband
00:46:49.820
I said, this is what I, so I told this lady earlier, I said, you didn't have bad genes.
00:46:55.980
The guy that you got pregnant by, like, if she got pregnant by a loser, then it would have
00:47:10.320
Women talk about how horrible it was getting pregnant when she was older.
00:47:35.660
It's not, it's not so much a concealer as it is a fucking sunblock.
00:47:50.980
Um, if I had, if I had a parallel pearl, I had, it was a grandfather at 50 and had a lot
00:47:56.760
of energy to spend in some very good times and grow road trips with my oldest grandchild.
00:48:02.360
Think about the grandparents when you wait until 40 to have kids.
00:48:09.040
Parallel universe where I had like a really cool supportive family and a mom.
00:48:14.340
Dude, I would have had babies at like 18, 18, because physically your body is meant to do
00:48:24.460
Like you just, when I was 18, I could like drink a pack of Zima and eat fucking cheeseburgers and
00:48:39.460
I was actually thinking about this the other day, teen pregnancy.
00:48:48.940
Cause you know, you can be done with the whole kids part of your life by the time you're 40.
00:48:56.640
And they're, they're like a, they're 40, right?
00:49:01.940
I mean, you're like done, you know, and see where am I, but if you have a cool mom that
00:49:07.880
can raise the kid for you when you're, you know, 18, like,
00:49:13.740
And then you get your life back at 36 when that kid is themselves 18.
00:49:19.440
Now, that being said, having kids older is kind of the jam.
00:49:24.340
If you want to have a career, if you want to do stuff before you have children, I highly
00:49:31.240
Cause then you have the resources, um, to afford help, which I need, cause I don't have
00:49:39.680
Um, and yeah, and you're also more emotionally stable.
00:49:42.500
And if you have the energy and the health, have babies later.
00:49:57.120
You, you could, it could work out for you, but there's going to be a lot of people it
00:50:11.500
Um, it's like I said, if you've got the energy and the health, fucking go for it.
00:50:15.260
But when I got married, I was 32 years old and Tom and I were poor, poor, poor, poor,
00:50:23.380
So I didn't want to bring children into the world until we could, you know, afford it.
00:50:28.500
38 is only old in like the Midwest, but on the coasts, that's when bitches start having
00:50:37.900
So it is a later timeframe when you're in like New York and those places.
00:50:50.460
I want to address some of the common criticisms that older moms sometimes get.
00:50:55.180
First of all, women having babies in their forties, isn't a new thing.
00:51:01.720
It's not a new thing, but like my grandma, I think she started at 16 and stopped at like
00:51:09.800
It's not a new thing, but, but they start earlier, right?
00:51:14.280
They, they pop, they pop the first one out young.
00:51:20.980
And also when I was, I know it, this is the future, right?
00:51:28.200
They're going to keep trying to use their youth and beauty on themselves and spend as
00:51:32.680
little as possible on their husband and their families.
00:51:41.840
But it's, it's probably not a great thing, but you know, it is what it is growing up.
00:51:48.580
One of the most common criticisms that I see online is that it's not fair to have children
00:51:51.980
in your forties because those children won't have as much time with you as they would if
00:51:56.840
The truth is nobody knows how much time they have, but let's say for the sake of the argument
00:52:00.340
that we all get the same number of years and we all expire on the same exact day.
00:52:03.580
Does that mean that we owe it to the next generation to give birth to them as young as possible?
00:52:08.100
Not everyone is ready or willing to have a baby in their teens or twenties.
00:52:11.560
Even if you do feel ready, sometimes finding the right partner can take some time and some
00:52:15.100
people like to become financially stable or reach other goals.
00:52:18.360
So this is the thing when women are unsure about a decision, they rationalize it.
00:52:24.720
When you're sure you're making the right decision, do you guys have to explain it?
00:52:29.020
First, it's also really common for people to experience infertility or in my case, secondary
00:52:34.540
I planned on having our last child in my thirties, but when I was in my thirties, I had miscarriages.
00:52:38.860
The most carefully made plans can be completely out of our control.
00:52:43.960
Most people don't have miscarriages in their twenties.
00:52:46.920
That's like, that's like the result of your actions.
00:52:49.920
And it's not saying it's wrong to make that choice, but you got to account like that.
00:52:56.820
It's mind boggling to me that anyone could think a child has more or less right to exist
00:53:03.140
Another common concern is the increased risk of chromosomal abnormalities with advancing
00:53:09.920
So that they're going to, she's going to rationalize that like you won't have autistic kids, the
00:53:14.720
older you wait, but they're just going to abort the autistic ones anyway.
00:53:20.940
So she's kind of right in a way because women are going to get those testing done.
00:53:25.940
And if it's not what they want, they'll just, sorry, fellas.
00:53:31.420
Women are the, women are the ultimate eugenicists.
00:53:33.940
I'm going to bring to the source, but a recent one that I read said that at age 30, a pregnant
00:53:38.360
woman has a 0.1% chance of a baby with Down syndrome.
00:53:44.080
By the time I conceived my daughter at age 44, I had about a 2.5% chance of having a baby
00:53:51.680
Conversely, I had a greater than 97% chance of having a baby with typical chromosomes who was
00:53:57.680
More than half of people with Down syndrome were born to young moms under 35.
00:54:01.220
Lastly, the idea that older moms have less energy.
00:54:04.180
I've had babies both in my 20s and in my 40s, and this hasn't been true for me.
00:54:07.640
And I really believe that while there are genetic factors that are out of our control, our overall
00:54:12.260
fitness and lifestyle choices have more to do with our mental and physical health than
00:54:18.040
Those are my thoughts, but I'm happy to continue the conversation in the comments.
00:54:25.840
When you're spending every day on your own, and here it goes, I just...
00:54:33.600
Okay, wait, they've been together since high school.
00:55:02.920
Anyways, guys, let me know what you think in the comments.
00:55:06.420
What age did you guys have kids, and are you happy that you had them at that age?
00:55:13.480
Top comments I'm going to like, pin, and reply to, so I'll make sure to do that.
00:55:17.560
Go to theaudacitynetwork.com, and you do get unlimited chats on the website.
00:55:22.480
Like the video, subscribe to the channel, and I'll see you guys next time.