JustPearlyThings - June 22, 2023


Most Divorced Men Go Through This

Hosted by
Hannah Pearl Davis
Mentioned
Andrea Ashanazi Jones Scarmine Sadie
Pearl Calls Out Delusional Instagram Model On Her BS OBESITY is PROMOTED in Society

Episode Stats


Length

10 minutes

Words per minute

150.48

Word count

1,570

Sentence count

242

Harmful content

Misogyny

6

sentences flagged

Toxicity

4

sentences flagged

Hate speech

2

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, I speak to a man who went to court against his ex-wife after she refused to let him see his son for 6 months. He talks about the process of getting a restraining order and how the court handled the situation.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 And so we have the Magistrates Court involved, we have CAFCAS become involved, CAFCAS.
00:00:08.000 CAFCAS, and can you tell them what CAFCAS is?
00:00:11.000 Well it's the kind of, I forget the entire acronym but it's the Court Advisory Service to do with family matters.
00:00:21.000 So early on typically you'll have Magistrates Court involved, Magistrates are lay justices, they're not specialists.
00:00:30.000 They are members of the community and CAFCAS will do some very basic investigations, interview myself, my ex, and give advice to the court on that basis.
00:00:50.000 Now this took six months for them to really pull their finger out and do their job.
00:00:56.000 And I was met with a CAFCAS officer, Andrea Ashanazi, she came from Romania.
00:01:10.000 Really someone who didn't want to listen to a single word I had to say at all.
00:01:15.000 I'd since moved into a very small little terraced house.
00:01:18.000 She came to visit me, I was looking forward to it, I was looking forward.
00:01:22.000 Can we just, I want to make sure I understand, so you get the documents and this is at the six month mark, CAFCAS finally comes?
00:01:28.000 Yeah, something like that.
00:01:29.000 Okay, so you hadn't seen your son in the time period because CAFCAS is supposed to investigate.
00:01:34.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:01:35.000 And so they're supposed to investigate the situation and you had to basically, she wouldn't let you see your son.
00:01:41.000 And you had to wait for six months for CAFCAS to come.
00:01:44.000 Yes, essentially.
00:01:45.000 And you thought this was going to be good because you thought you were going to get a fair...
00:01:49.000 Yeah.
00:01:50.000 Yeah, questioning.
00:01:51.000 That's right.
00:01:52.000 But then they send this woman and she essentially doesn't care what you have to say. 1.00
00:01:55.000 She doesn't give a damn, no.
00:01:57.000 And what was her name? 0.75
00:01:58.000 Andrea Ashanazi.
00:02:00.000 Andrea Ashanazi, okay.
00:02:02.000 And she, her attitude towards me.
00:02:07.000 Now, look, I appreciate that there are many families in this situation.
00:02:11.000 Now, I've always thought that maybe they are troubled families.
00:02:15.000 They come from, you know, they're on benefits, they're alcoholics, they're on drugs, whatever.
00:02:21.000 And we have areas like that in Shropshire.
00:02:25.000 And I dare say these people are used to dealing with families of that kind.
00:02:30.000 And that's certainly the way I was treated.
00:02:33.000 Like, you know, the first question, one of the first questions, how much alcohol are you consuming?
00:02:38.000 So what has this got to do with it?
00:02:41.000 You know, there was an assumption I must be alcoholic.
00:02:45.000 No, no, I have a little bit of beard.
00:02:48.000 I'm a real ale man, right?
00:02:53.000 Just a whole attitude towards me was one of, you're Scarmine.
00:02:57.000 You know, we're here to sort you out.
00:03:00.000 And I was just left appalled.
00:03:05.000 And my instinct was to say, well, no, I'm not that person.
00:03:11.000 I'm this person.
00:03:12.000 I'm kind of successful, a chartered engineer.
00:03:15.000 I'm a good father.
00:03:16.000 My son loves me.
00:03:17.000 I've got all these photographs.
00:03:19.000 Now, I don't want to see photographs.
00:03:23.000 She explained to me that children could be made to smile in photographs.
00:03:29.000 So they won't even look at them.
00:03:32.000 So I had a huge book of photographs ready to show her, look, this is me and my son having a good time.
00:03:38.000 This is my son and my mother having a good time.
00:03:42.000 It's there.
00:03:43.000 You can't deny this.
00:03:45.000 She didn't even want to see them.
00:03:47.000 She'd already made her mind up.
00:03:49.000 She'd already seen, been to see my ex-wife. 0.96
00:03:52.000 There was clearly kindred spirit there, both Eastern European, both.
00:03:58.000 And she just believed every last allegation she said as fact.
00:04:02.000 No word of, no doubt at all.
00:04:05.000 So she's coming in, getting the interview from you and it's very biased.
00:04:09.000 So what happens after that?
00:04:10.000 Well, it goes back to the magistrate's court.
00:04:15.000 I have to essentially accept the non-molestation order for financial reasons.
00:04:25.000 I can't afford to find this.
00:04:27.000 So she filed for the US people.
00:04:29.000 That's a restraining order.
00:04:30.000 Restraining order is very similar.
00:04:31.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:04:32.000 And she did that immediately, like the six months ago.
00:04:35.000 That's right.
00:04:36.000 Ex parte, which means I wasn't even aware.
00:04:38.000 I'm just trying to make a chart.
00:04:40.000 So restraining order.
00:04:42.000 I know it's the non-molestation order here.
00:04:46.000 Then CAFCAS has to get involved and make a report.
00:04:50.000 That's right, yes.
00:04:51.000 And then after CAFCAS, then it goes back to the court?
00:04:57.000 It does, yes.
00:04:58.000 Okay.
00:04:59.000 And then did you ever get an actual day in court?
00:05:02.000 Yes, I was several days in court, but these magistrates court early on.
00:05:08.000 Sometimes I had representation.
00:05:10.000 I managed to afford a barrister.
00:05:15.000 It was horrifically expensive.
00:05:17.000 And really I ended up...
00:05:19.000 How much did you spend?
00:05:20.000 Well, it was like £5,000 just for two or three appearances.
00:05:25.000 Okay.
00:05:26.000 So you spent about £5,000 in the time being?
00:05:29.000 To begin with, yes.
00:05:30.000 And just, I'm sorry to keep...
00:05:32.000 And in this time, you'd been kicked...
00:05:34.000 Well, you willingly left your home, but she was in the family home.
00:05:37.000 That's right, yes.
00:05:38.000 Okay.
00:05:39.000 So she's in the...
00:05:40.000 Were you still paying for the family home?
00:05:44.000 Not at that stage, no.
00:05:46.000 Okay.
00:05:47.000 Financially, the financials have always perplexed me because I made an offer.
00:05:54.000 I did the right thing.
00:05:56.000 I approached the agency.
00:05:59.000 I forget the name of the agency for child maintenance.
00:06:03.000 And I filled in the forms and they gave me a figure for how much I was expected to contribute
00:06:09.000 to her.
00:06:10.000 And this is in the six month period?
00:06:12.000 Yes.
00:06:13.000 Yeah.
00:06:14.000 Okay.
00:06:15.000 So how much...
00:06:16.000 Oh, so on top of that you're paying child support too?
00:06:18.000 Well, this was the form that suggested how much I should be paying to my ex-wife for child 0.96
00:06:25.000 support.
00:06:26.000 And I was happy with the figure.
00:06:27.000 It was something in the region of three or four hundred pounds a month, so not a huge
00:06:31.000 sum.
00:06:32.000 And I said, well...
00:06:33.000 And I presented that to her solicitor.
00:06:36.000 They denied they ever received it.
00:06:39.000 And they denied...
00:06:41.000 And this is part of the financial control thing, that they repeatedly ignored the truth.
00:06:48.000 That I was happy to pay that, but she clearly didn't...
00:06:52.000 She clearly didn't want it.
00:06:53.000 She would rather pretend I didn't do that so that she could accuse me of financial control.
00:07:00.000 So she has never actually accepted any money from me, which is unusual for these cases.
00:07:07.000 Okay.
00:07:08.000 Right.
00:07:09.000 And this really reveals her motives to be quite extreme.
00:07:14.000 That it was more a case of, she wants to sever all ties with me, financial, the lot.
00:07:23.000 Because she probably wanted to return to Poland with my son. 0.99
00:07:26.000 That was...
00:07:27.000 That was not stated, but that seemed to be pretty obvious to me.
00:07:32.000 Wow.
00:07:33.000 So...
00:07:34.000 So you think her goal was to sever all ties so she could go back to Poland?
00:07:38.000 Initially.
00:07:39.000 Yeah, initially.
00:07:40.000 Okay.
00:07:41.000 I don't have any doubts about that.
00:07:43.000 Um...
00:07:44.000 Okay.
00:07:45.000 So in this time period, you're paying the lawyers.
00:07:47.000 Um...
00:07:48.000 You don't...
00:07:49.000 You're not on child support, but you're not in your family home.
00:07:52.000 So you had to figure out housing otherwise.
00:07:54.000 That's right, yes.
00:07:55.000 Okay.
00:07:56.000 So then you get your day in court.
00:07:57.000 What happens?
00:07:58.000 Well, I represent myself mostly.
00:08:00.000 Um...
00:08:01.000 So I, um...
00:08:05.000 I am pretty clueless about the...
00:08:09.000 About what happens.
00:08:11.000 Guided by the clerk of the court.
00:08:14.000 Um...
00:08:15.000 But really, it's just a...
00:08:17.000 It's just a...
00:08:18.000 Kind of kangaroo court.
00:08:19.000 They'd made their mind up well before.
00:08:21.000 They'd received all the reports.
00:08:23.000 And there was actually very little to say openly in court.
00:08:26.000 I decided to cross-examine the CAFCAS officer.
00:08:31.000 Um...
00:08:32.000 Um...
00:08:33.000 My tone was not...
00:08:35.000 Welcomed.
00:08:36.000 It was said,
00:08:37.000 Well, this is not a...
00:08:38.000 A criminal court, Mr. Jones.
00:08:41.000 I said, Well...
00:08:42.000 Are we worried about the truth?
00:08:44.000 You know...
00:08:45.000 Apparently not.
00:08:46.000 And...
00:08:47.000 You cross...
00:08:48.000 So what did you cross-examine her on?
00:08:50.000 Well, just...
00:08:51.000 Just the...
00:08:52.000 The findings she'd made against me.
00:08:53.000 Uh...
00:08:54.000 And, um...
00:08:55.000 The way she'd basically accepted all of my ex-wife's... 1.00
00:08:59.000 Uh...
00:09:00.000 Allegations without any...
00:09:03.000 Without any question.
00:09:05.000 Mm-hmm.
00:09:06.000 There was no evidence backing up.
00:09:08.000 And I would ask her, What evidence do you have for this?
00:09:10.000 And she... 1.00
00:09:12.000 The question was...
00:09:14.000 Was...
00:09:15.000 We're kind of rejected.
00:09:16.000 Oh, you're not allowed to ask that, Mr. Jones.
00:09:18.000 What evidence they would have for the abuse?
00:09:20.000 Yeah.
00:09:21.000 Well, there was not.
00:09:22.000 Yeah.
00:09:23.000 But like the alleged abuse.
00:09:24.000 Exactly.
00:09:25.000 So you kept asking them what evidence they have.
00:09:27.000 So they have no evidence at this point.
00:09:28.000 None whatsoever.
00:09:29.000 None.
00:09:30.000 At any point ever.
00:09:31.000 Okay.
00:09:32.000 So then, what...
00:09:33.000 What do they conclude in court?
00:09:35.000 That...
00:09:37.000 Really...
00:09:38.000 I was to be thrown into the dustbin as a father.
00:09:44.000 For no real reason.
00:09:46.000 That I had to...
00:09:48.000 The only...
00:09:49.000 The only thing I...
00:09:50.000 I really accepted...
00:09:51.000 Because...
00:09:52.000 Look, there was a huge pressure.
00:09:54.000 Right from the beginning.
00:09:55.000 Right from the outset.
00:09:56.000 For me to accept...
00:09:58.000 Responsibility for things I hadn't done.
00:10:01.000 Right?
00:10:02.000 Why aren't you accepting this as truth?
00:10:05.000 Why...
00:10:06.000 Why don't you share responsibility?
00:10:07.000 I said...
00:10:08.000 Because this didn't happen.
00:10:09.000 I'm not an abusive person.
00:10:10.000 I'm a great father.
00:10:11.000 Et cetera, et cetera.
00:10:13.000 It's not to live.
00:10:14.000 I know.
00:10:15.000 It's not that it wasn't an enablement, simply.
00:10:17.000 I'm an easy slave guy.
00:10:19.000 We will get it on a62,
00:10:19.360 but that can we leave.
00:10:20.000 No...
00:10:21.000 וע angst.
00:10:22.000 I don't do anything like this...
00:10:23.000 Sadie or sindie either.
00:10:24.000 For me, my friends will be through. 0.93
00:10:25.000 motions to rape them out and switch as it should be around. 1.00