JustPearlyThings - Muslim Woman Schools Modern Women On Marriage

00:00:00.000 agree in that in that sense i don't see anything wrong with finding like you you know we are

00:00:05.840 interested let's get married let's let's grow up together i you know it's fine there's nothing

00:00:10.780 if you're young of course you can still focus on university or or your career but if you're all

00:00:17.160 that's a different story it's like you should have had it it's too late now yeah but you know

00:00:20.940 it's fine it's fine in the moment but when you're like 30 and you're single like is it still going

00:00:25.920 to be fine what do you mean so like you're saying like having fun and whatever is fine you're single

00:00:30.820 um by 30 should have your life together okay i have a question if you want you said you want to

00:00:36.200 be married you'd be married oh absolutely how many dates do you go on in a week um i don't you don't

00:00:41.520 okay so how on earth would you get the result of married if you don't do anything to get there

00:00:46.260 it's hard is he just gonna magically find you at your parents house that's so funny when you and my

00:00:50.440 my brother yesterday as well it's like look fine um i find it a bit hard because i i just find i

00:00:58.580 think i think my husband is just not in london you know okay sorry i feel like it's a bit hard i feel

00:01:04.140 like the way i think and the standards and the way i brought up i don't think they got the same it's

00:01:09.380 gonna be a bit harder for me okay so so there's instagram there's dating apps where you can switch

00:01:14.280 your location there's matchmakers yeah like how how on earth would you get the result of mary i'm happy to

00:01:19.820 get married uh what is it called when um sorry arrange marriage i'm happy i'm happy if my mom

00:01:25.560 comes have you said to your parents i want an arranged marriage set this up and what do they

00:01:30.000 say mom is mom is still looking for me mom is in her own country right now finding me the right

00:01:36.140 husband some and it's better because your parents would choose something my mom doesn't want me to 0.91

00:01:40.760 be in danger my mom doesn't want to see me do bad yeah but what if you're not your type you look at me

00:01:46.300 you think that for me for me i think marriage is about security is about creating a safe place

00:01:52.940 for your child you have to be attractive come on i think the biggest problem i think for me and you

00:01:59.340 know that for me it's all about character i can look at someone and then and you know and then grow

00:02:03.880 to like and then oh do you know what yeah so i can't judge in the beginning but what if he's not

00:02:09.200 your type though like genuinely that is an arranged marriage is a surprise you've seen it you still

00:02:14.040 need to be average you know this is this is actually the reason like women end up single 1.00

00:02:18.360 because women in their 20s we typically select for looks we're in our 30s typically okay i'm not

00:02:25.240 talking about you typically in our 20 how tall is your boyfriend um he's like 5 11 okay so so

00:02:33.760 5 10 5 11 okay so still top 20 percent of height yes you do um okay that's what they say you don't

00:02:39.960 listen to what women say watch what they do um okay so typically in our 20s like so it's interesting 0.63

00:02:45.580 because we're in a monogamous society technically that's what we think but we're really in a non

00:02:49.560 monogamous society because women don't get married till the age of 31 so we pick and women um who's in 1.00

00:02:54.800 control of sex women women right so we pick non-monogamy in our 20s which is when we have the most to 0.98

00:03:00.800 offer to men right and we typically select for looks which is the top 20 percent of men well when

00:03:06.200 we get to our 30s that's when we start looking for security so then that expands to the top like 50 60

00:03:11.000 percent of men um and so but basically what happens is the top 20 percent of men run through the girls

00:03:15.900 in their 20s and then like we pick the nice guy after i think the biggest pandemic of today is

00:03:22.980 delusion i'm sorry to say that because i feel like with women today we have this idea on our head that 0.99

00:03:28.660 the perfect guy is just going to drop on our laps and we're just going to get married when we want

00:03:32.540 and we don't realize that there's actual actionable steps like everything in life you have to work

00:03:38.380 for it you have to make changes and it kind of upsets me that sometimes people have this idea in

00:03:42.620 their head where just like well i don't have to think about this so i don't have to consider a man's

00:03:46.520 opinion and you kind of do it in order to achieve any goal in life not just relationships so i feel

00:03:51.840 like yeah that's just my point okay if if you're applying for a job you don't care what the

00:03:56.340 employer thinks yeah it's not a job that shut us all up so quickly you don't you don't think a wife 0.99

00:04:04.220 is a job i do actually i think a housewife is a job okay so i think it is yeah so again you don't

00:04:10.000 have to care what the employer thinks when you're looking to be hired but that's that specific

00:04:13.360 but then the employer is putting i'm not i'm not thinking about what the whole of sony thinks of me

00:04:18.820 i'm thinking about what the managing director of that department thinks of me okay but you still

00:04:23.700 have to to figure out what they want right and care about what they want to an extent but it's

00:04:29.500 not as rigid as that like it's a relationship you know so i just feel like so in a relationship you

00:04:35.280 shouldn't care about what they want of course you should okay so you do have to care but how would

00:04:39.780 you know that without meeting them you we're just assuming at this point you talk to men and ask them

00:04:45.220 what they want no but you're saying like in a sense that before as we're navigating we want the

00:04:49.640 same type of stuff are you talking about arranged marriage no no i'm talking about like when you're

00:04:53.320 single and you're young you're navigating you're traveling you're saying i should be thinking as

00:04:56.940 each each day every step i take what all the men on my instagram are thinking of me as i'm going to

00:05:01.560 france as i'm doing this as i'm doing you know i think it is yeah of course carry yourself in the best 0.77

00:05:05.840 way i don't by the way i'm not i'm not condoning like being a whore and i'm just saying the 0.92

00:05:11.780 realistic thing of just enjoying and living your life and learning who you are before getting with

00:05:17.120 somebody because what you don't want is to just get with somebody at 21 and then you've never lived

00:05:22.060 and then you get to 40 you realize you're not compatible you never even lived your life what

00:05:25.740 results does that yield though as women as women have pushed the age of marriage up and up and up and

00:05:31.100 found themselves before the divorce rate goes up and up and up so it doesn't like the results aren't

00:05:37.380 there did we not slyly as humans like create this idea of marriage i was going to say that

00:05:45.200 where really it like obviously you see in in the animal kingdom that's for example you see a lot

00:05:52.280 of obviously you know the male lion goes out and the lioness looks after the cubs but that lion

00:05:58.120 wasn't wouldn't stay with that lioness for the whole of his life where else apart from penguins

00:06:03.560 there's a couple of little animals that do it but you actually don't see monogamy really in any other

00:06:08.780 thing is this not something that we've created out of religion out of uh like is this not something

00:06:13.720 that you that the humans have created i don't know this is just why this is me just speaking

00:06:18.220 i talked to a biologist or he wrote this book called the history of sex the other day so i'm trying

00:06:22.900 to recite it right but he basically said that when we were um more intertwined with like animals because

00:06:29.100 like we came from like chimps or whatever it was super non-monogamous but actually the majority of

00:06:33.900 human history has been monogamous for 85 of the population however the top 15 of women um or the

00:06:41.380 top 15 of men have been in non-monogamous relationships so um essentially now the top like we're going more

00:06:48.980 towards non-monogamy because again women are choosing non-monogamy in their 20s where we most women used 0.85

00:06:54.340 to pick monogamy but now that's something that we created like was that something that we actually

00:06:59.340 assume through thousands and thousands of years you go right back to you know the romans when they had

00:07:04.040 wives i mean is this not something that we've created i think so i don't think it's something

00:07:09.380 we created i think it's something that's just it's just a thought i actually don't know that i'm not

00:07:13.160 saying this like i actually know what i'm on about i'm just it's just it's just it's something that's

00:07:16.280 actually baffled me for a long time like you actually look at animal kingdom where where else do you

00:07:20.240 actually see this idea of marriage and and when you actually look at a lot of it has come when you

00:07:25.180 when you go and get married it's in a church or a union in thailand it's in a temple so a lot of it

00:07:31.340 comes down to something i just think it's the best for building families and i think it's i honestly

00:07:35.620 think it's natural like at least from women to men i don't know i'm just like i don't i don't know

00:07:41.280 any animal that really it's actually it's actually because um these kind of constructs are necessary for

00:07:48.300 society to exist because without us being monogamous and all of that if you were to look

00:07:54.820 in the animal kingdom where monogamy doesn't exist the males have to fight each other usually to the

00:07:59.700 death to get sex and human beings can't function in that way because what then happens that's

00:08:04.900 interesting is that society can't stand so that's the reason it's not that's a fair point again is

00:08:10.900 this is not again something it's still constructive though so that doesn't deny the temptation or

00:08:16.440 the ability to then look elsewhere but you know i mean it's still a construct we've been consciously

00:08:21.180 aware that that we wouldn't be able to function well it used to be it used to be is it not what

00:08:28.060 so it used to be a compromise of our mating strategies because like what's what's the female

00:08:32.680 mating strategy to get the best guy you possibly can right you to get the best genes right or the 0.99

00:08:37.500 best resources right that's women to get attention from from men right so um it used to be that like 1.00

00:08:43.980 women would bring purity and youth so they would come to the like marriage and they would say i'm 0.96

00:08:47.540 not going to sleep with anyone else and i'm going to stay with you for your lifetime and i'm not

00:08:51.420 going like i'm not going to try to go higher and higher and higher and the men used to come in and

00:08:55.880 say you know i'm not going to sleep with anyone else because their mating strategy is to sleep with 1.00

00:08:59.940 a bunch of different women so it used to be a compromise but the problem is women don't bring 1.00

00:09:03.600 purity anymore because what percent of women are virgins so it's kind of an unequal exchange because

00:09:07.920 most men out earn most women most men still have to protect most women but women don't bring the 1.00

00:09:12.680 purity or the youth and like that's why i think we see men walking away from marriage because like

00:09:16.780 honestly women like what what do modern women bring to the table not much like what what percent of 1.00

00:09:21.860 women have the skills of our grand or grandmothers and great-grandmothers where we can we have a full 1.00

00:09:25.780 cookbook and we can cook where we're virgins where we um you know we can sew guard like all of the 0.95

00:09:31.820 traditional skills women don't have anymore but the problem is women still want to be courted 1.00

00:09:35.740 like traditional women even though we're not i do i do agree i think to answer that and the funny thing is as well

00:09:41.680 now when it gets hard they're running away so you get married back in the days they will work

00:09:46.520 and work and work until we can make it and that's why women bring less to the table because that used 1.00

00:09:52.240 to be the thing that the man got even if she wasn't a virgin he's like you know if we get married she 1.00

00:09:56.780 cannot leave me but now 80 percent of women are 80 percent of women half of marriages end in divorce 0.99

00:10:04.160 and women leave 80 percent of the time children with them and they take the kids and their money 1.00

00:10:08.120 so that's why we see less and less men getting married today but we also have to look at why

00:10:13.420 is the generation society also they're not teaching you in schools what are they teaching you they're

00:10:19.220 not teaching you how to how to how to wash how to sew how to do all of these things as a woman 0.99

00:10:24.140 so when you come out of school you don't know what you're doing your mom and your dad's not together

00:10:28.240 do you know what i mean no i think i think there's an agenda right but but but it still

00:10:33.280 doesn't change the product yeah and and the truth is the product of of women as a whole is just worse 1.00

00:10:38.880 than ever before no i agree and also factor in the fact that everything is very convenient so like

00:10:43.240 you've got a dishwasher you've got you've you can just go up the road everything has changed you don't

00:10:47.980 even have to have those skills anymore because it's not it's not a necessity back then it was a

00:10:52.360 necessity to have these skills yeah but the problem is like what kind of i disagree with it and i wish it

00:10:56.120 was like that that's the thing i'm actually super old school in so many ways like i wish so many of

00:11:00.820 the habits we had today would just convert back to how it was i don't actually like the way things

00:11:05.760 are going i don't so but i just have to also be aware of what what we have right now and also to

00:11:11.560 answer your questions um about whether it was created i don't think it was something that was

00:11:15.580 created i think it's something that's just natural and just work i think what was created was the

00:11:20.040 idea to actually go against it and go against the family structure i think that's what has been

00:11:24.560 created that's what's happened and i feel like if we go back to like just statistics if we look at

00:11:28.820 modern society today and you know how that divorce rates are skyrocketing what has that done to

00:11:35.040 society like society is literally falling apart do you know what i mean so i feel like it's something

00:11:39.480 that's natural and it's something that works and it's definitely not something that just we just

00:11:43.400 decided let's just create it that's all been done for a reason exactly because your kids are getting

00:11:49.180 taken away from you from young for a reason there's a reason why dishwashers and all of these things

00:11:54.440 have been created is to split up the families so that they can take you on board and they can raise 0.88

00:12:00.840 you to what they want you to be do you get what i'm saying so now you're not with your husband and

00:12:04.920 your and your children raising them how you want they're going to take them from young

00:12:08.880 for me i was just banned on tiktok and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform

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JustPearlyThings - May 07, 2023

Muslim Woman Schools Modern Women On Marriage

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