Muslim Woman Schools Modern Women On Marriage
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
224.87318
Summary
In this episode, we discuss why women in their 20s and 30s are single, what it means to be single and how to deal with it. We also discuss what it's like being in a non monogamous society where women don't get married until the age of 31 and why it's important to have a job in order to achieve your goals in life.
Transcript
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agree in that in that sense i don't see anything wrong with finding like you you know we are
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interested let's get married let's let's grow up together i you know it's fine there's nothing
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if you're young of course you can still focus on university or or your career but if you're all
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that's a different story it's like you should have had it it's too late now yeah but you know
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it's fine it's fine in the moment but when you're like 30 and you're single like is it still going
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to be fine what do you mean so like you're saying like having fun and whatever is fine you're single
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um by 30 should have your life together okay i have a question if you want you said you want to
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be married you'd be married oh absolutely how many dates do you go on in a week um i don't you don't
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okay so how on earth would you get the result of married if you don't do anything to get there
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it's hard is he just gonna magically find you at your parents house that's so funny when you and my
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my brother yesterday as well it's like look fine um i find it a bit hard because i i just find i
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think i think my husband is just not in london you know okay sorry i feel like it's a bit hard i feel
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like the way i think and the standards and the way i brought up i don't think they got the same it's
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gonna be a bit harder for me okay so so there's instagram there's dating apps where you can switch
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your location there's matchmakers yeah like how how on earth would you get the result of mary i'm happy to
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get married uh what is it called when um sorry arrange marriage i'm happy i'm happy if my mom
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comes have you said to your parents i want an arranged marriage set this up and what do they
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say mom is mom is still looking for me mom is in her own country right now finding me the right
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husband some and it's better because your parents would choose something my mom doesn't want me to
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be in danger my mom doesn't want to see me do bad yeah but what if you're not your type you look at me
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you think that for me for me i think marriage is about security is about creating a safe place
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for your child you have to be attractive come on i think the biggest problem i think for me and you
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know that for me it's all about character i can look at someone and then and you know and then grow
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to like and then oh do you know what yeah so i can't judge in the beginning but what if he's not
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your type though like genuinely that is an arranged marriage is a surprise you've seen it you still
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need to be average you know this is this is actually the reason like women end up single
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because women in their 20s we typically select for looks we're in our 30s typically okay i'm not
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talking about you typically in our 20 how tall is your boyfriend um he's like 5 11 okay so so
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5 10 5 11 okay so still top 20 percent of height yes you do um okay that's what they say you don't
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listen to what women say watch what they do um okay so typically in our 20s like so it's interesting
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because we're in a monogamous society technically that's what we think but we're really in a non
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monogamous society because women don't get married till the age of 31 so we pick and women um who's in
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control of sex women women right so we pick non-monogamy in our 20s which is when we have the most to
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offer to men right and we typically select for looks which is the top 20 percent of men well when
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we get to our 30s that's when we start looking for security so then that expands to the top like 50 60
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percent of men um and so but basically what happens is the top 20 percent of men run through the girls
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in their 20s and then like we pick the nice guy after i think the biggest pandemic of today is
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delusion i'm sorry to say that because i feel like with women today we have this idea on our head that
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the perfect guy is just going to drop on our laps and we're just going to get married when we want
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and we don't realize that there's actual actionable steps like everything in life you have to work
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for it you have to make changes and it kind of upsets me that sometimes people have this idea in
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their head where just like well i don't have to think about this so i don't have to consider a man's
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opinion and you kind of do it in order to achieve any goal in life not just relationships so i feel
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like yeah that's just my point okay if if you're applying for a job you don't care what the
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employer thinks yeah it's not a job that shut us all up so quickly you don't you don't think a wife
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is a job i do actually i think a housewife is a job okay so i think it is yeah so again you don't
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have to care what the employer thinks when you're looking to be hired but that's that specific
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but then the employer is putting i'm not i'm not thinking about what the whole of sony thinks of me
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i'm thinking about what the managing director of that department thinks of me okay but you still
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have to to figure out what they want right and care about what they want to an extent but it's
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not as rigid as that like it's a relationship you know so i just feel like so in a relationship you
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shouldn't care about what they want of course you should okay so you do have to care but how would
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you know that without meeting them you we're just assuming at this point you talk to men and ask them
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what they want no but you're saying like in a sense that before as we're navigating we want the
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same type of stuff are you talking about arranged marriage no no i'm talking about like when you're
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single and you're young you're navigating you're traveling you're saying i should be thinking as
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each each day every step i take what all the men on my instagram are thinking of me as i'm going to
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france as i'm doing this as i'm doing you know i think it is yeah of course carry yourself in the best
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way i don't by the way i'm not i'm not condoning like being a whore and i'm just saying the
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realistic thing of just enjoying and living your life and learning who you are before getting with
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somebody because what you don't want is to just get with somebody at 21 and then you've never lived
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and then you get to 40 you realize you're not compatible you never even lived your life what
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results does that yield though as women as women have pushed the age of marriage up and up and up and
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found themselves before the divorce rate goes up and up and up so it doesn't like the results aren't
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there did we not slyly as humans like create this idea of marriage i was going to say that
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where really it like obviously you see in in the animal kingdom that's for example you see a lot
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of obviously you know the male lion goes out and the lioness looks after the cubs but that lion
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wasn't wouldn't stay with that lioness for the whole of his life where else apart from penguins
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there's a couple of little animals that do it but you actually don't see monogamy really in any other
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thing is this not something that we've created out of religion out of uh like is this not something
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that you that the humans have created i don't know this is just why this is me just speaking
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i talked to a biologist or he wrote this book called the history of sex the other day so i'm trying
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to recite it right but he basically said that when we were um more intertwined with like animals because
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like we came from like chimps or whatever it was super non-monogamous but actually the majority of
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human history has been monogamous for 85 of the population however the top 15 of women um or the
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top 15 of men have been in non-monogamous relationships so um essentially now the top like we're going more
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towards non-monogamy because again women are choosing non-monogamy in their 20s where we most women used
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to pick monogamy but now that's something that we created like was that something that we actually
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assume through thousands and thousands of years you go right back to you know the romans when they had
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wives i mean is this not something that we've created i think so i don't think it's something
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we created i think it's something that's just it's just a thought i actually don't know that i'm not
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saying this like i actually know what i'm on about i'm just it's just it's just it's something that's
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actually baffled me for a long time like you actually look at animal kingdom where where else do you
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actually see this idea of marriage and and when you actually look at a lot of it has come when you
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when you go and get married it's in a church or a union in thailand it's in a temple so a lot of it
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comes down to something i just think it's the best for building families and i think it's i honestly
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think it's natural like at least from women to men i don't know i'm just like i don't i don't know
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any animal that really it's actually it's actually because um these kind of constructs are necessary for
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society to exist because without us being monogamous and all of that if you were to look
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in the animal kingdom where monogamy doesn't exist the males have to fight each other usually to the
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death to get sex and human beings can't function in that way because what then happens that's
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interesting is that society can't stand so that's the reason it's not that's a fair point again is
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this is not again something it's still constructive though so that doesn't deny the temptation or
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the ability to then look elsewhere but you know i mean it's still a construct we've been consciously
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aware that that we wouldn't be able to function well it used to be it used to be is it not what
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so it used to be a compromise of our mating strategies because like what's what's the female
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mating strategy to get the best guy you possibly can right you to get the best genes right or the
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best resources right that's women to get attention from from men right so um it used to be that like
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women would bring purity and youth so they would come to the like marriage and they would say i'm
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not going to sleep with anyone else and i'm going to stay with you for your lifetime and i'm not
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going like i'm not going to try to go higher and higher and higher and the men used to come in and
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say you know i'm not going to sleep with anyone else because their mating strategy is to sleep with
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a bunch of different women so it used to be a compromise but the problem is women don't bring
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purity anymore because what percent of women are virgins so it's kind of an unequal exchange because
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most men out earn most women most men still have to protect most women but women don't bring the
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purity or the youth and like that's why i think we see men walking away from marriage because like
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honestly women like what what do modern women bring to the table not much like what what percent of
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women have the skills of our grand or grandmothers and great-grandmothers where we can we have a full
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cookbook and we can cook where we're virgins where we um you know we can sew guard like all of the
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traditional skills women don't have anymore but the problem is women still want to be courted
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like traditional women even though we're not i do i do agree i think to answer that and the funny thing is as well
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now when it gets hard they're running away so you get married back in the days they will work
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and work and work until we can make it and that's why women bring less to the table because that used
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to be the thing that the man got even if she wasn't a virgin he's like you know if we get married she
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cannot leave me but now 80 percent of women are 80 percent of women half of marriages end in divorce
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and women leave 80 percent of the time children with them and they take the kids and their money
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so that's why we see less and less men getting married today but we also have to look at why
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is the generation society also they're not teaching you in schools what are they teaching you they're
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not teaching you how to how to how to wash how to sew how to do all of these things as a woman
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so when you come out of school you don't know what you're doing your mom and your dad's not together
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do you know what i mean no i think i think there's an agenda right but but but it still
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doesn't change the product yeah and and the truth is the product of of women as a whole is just worse
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than ever before no i agree and also factor in the fact that everything is very convenient so like
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you've got a dishwasher you've got you've you can just go up the road everything has changed you don't
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even have to have those skills anymore because it's not it's not a necessity back then it was a
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necessity to have these skills yeah but the problem is like what kind of i disagree with it and i wish it
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was like that that's the thing i'm actually super old school in so many ways like i wish so many of
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the habits we had today would just convert back to how it was i don't actually like the way things
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are going i don't so but i just have to also be aware of what what we have right now and also to
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answer your questions um about whether it was created i don't think it was something that was
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created i think it's something that's just natural and just work i think what was created was the
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idea to actually go against it and go against the family structure i think that's what has been
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created that's what's happened and i feel like if we go back to like just statistics if we look at
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modern society today and you know how that divorce rates are skyrocketing what has that done to
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society like society is literally falling apart do you know what i mean so i feel like it's something
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that's natural and it's something that works and it's definitely not something that just we just
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decided let's just create it that's all been done for a reason exactly because your kids are getting
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taken away from you from young for a reason there's a reason why dishwashers and all of these things
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have been created is to split up the families so that they can take you on board and they can raise
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you to what they want you to be do you get what i'm saying so now you're not with your husband and
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your and your children raising them how you want they're going to take them from young
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for me i was just banned on tiktok and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform
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