JustPearlyThings - Not Reporting is SELFISH

00:00:00.000 Coming up next.

00:00:01.160 Competence is competence,

00:00:02.400 irrespective of if you're male or female.

00:00:04.540 So I've looked down, and my flies are undone.

00:00:07.180 When was you going to say something?

00:00:08.980 Because you've been looking at my front for a very long time.

00:00:11.720 There are people who do report things,

00:00:13.820 and it's still their version of events.

00:00:15.660 But you didn't report it, though.

00:00:16.780 I think it's selfish not to report it.

00:00:18.620 I genuinely think it's selfish.

00:00:19.940 Like, you want them to do that to someone else?

00:00:21.520 If five women do not report it,

00:00:23.300 then they say to me,

00:00:24.080 oh, it's because of he say she say.

00:00:25.580 Whose fault is that?

00:00:26.660 Women.

00:00:27.240 If somebody does something to you in your workplace,

00:00:29.520 in your home,

00:00:30.540 any man is inappropriate,

00:00:31.700 you need to go and report it straight away.

00:00:34.000 Nowadays, you can report someone

00:00:35.260 grabbing your butt at a bar.

00:00:36.720 If something happened to me that was so traumatizing,

00:00:39.220 like, I wouldn't want other girls to go through that.

00:00:41.440 Why am I going to go to the police?

00:00:42.860 Oh, okay, okay, so now, okay.

00:00:44.140 Who at 15 have assaulted me.

00:00:46.400 I have something to read to you guys.

00:00:48.560 Okay.

00:00:50.860 Wait, today's topic.

00:00:52.100 I forgot to say the topic.

00:00:53.560 Today's topic is,

00:00:54.660 can modern women be men?

00:00:56.620 So, in the last 25 years,

00:00:58.480 women have made strides in management

00:01:01.160 and leadership positions in the workplace.

00:01:03.920 As of 2022,

00:01:05.280 women represent 35% of leadership positions

00:01:08.260 in companies in the U.S.

00:01:09.960 and 33% in the U.K.

00:01:12.540 Women also make up 27% of the seats

00:01:15.480 in the current U.S. Congress

00:01:16.860 and 35% of MPs in the U.K. Parliament.

00:01:22.300 Studies have shown that organizations

00:01:23.800 with a diverse mix of male and female leaders

00:01:26.600 tend to outperform those that don't by 30%.

00:01:30.120 While this may sound like nothing new,

00:01:32.680 but like nothing,

00:01:34.000 while this may sound like nothing but good news,

00:01:36.440 a study from UCLA surveyed 60,000 professionals

00:01:40.060 and found that women,

00:01:41.700 even those who were managers themselves,

00:01:43.640 were more likely to want a male boss than a female one.

00:01:47.620 The participants explained that female bosses

00:01:50.600 are emotional, catty, or bitchy.

00:01:53.920 Men preferred male bosses too,

00:01:55.660 but by a much smaller margin

00:01:57.480 than female participants did.

00:01:59.660 A much smaller survey by UCLA

00:02:02.060 of law firms, staff, secretaries, paralegals, etc.,

00:02:06.080 nearly all of whom were women,

00:02:07.940 resulted in not one saying

00:02:09.960 that she or he would prefer

00:02:12.640 to work for a female law partner.

00:02:14.420 The study showed that females in the legal profession

00:02:17.380 that reported to a female boss

00:02:19.800 showed more symptoms of distress,

00:02:22.180 including trouble sleeping and headaches

00:02:24.200 when compared to working for a man.

00:02:27.000 Gallup completed a survey

00:02:28.260 that gave a holistic view of this phenomenon.

00:02:31.140 The study found that almost 40% of women

00:02:33.600 preferred male leadership

00:02:34.800 as compared to 26% of men.

00:02:38.920 When asked,

00:02:40.700 would you prefer to work

00:02:43.040 for a female or a male boss?

00:02:44.560 The responses of those

00:02:46.180 that preferred male leadership

00:02:47.640 can be summed up as followed.

00:02:51.400 Male bosses are more receptive

00:02:52.720 towards new ideas

00:02:53.740 and allowed execution

00:02:55.100 with minimal interference.

00:02:57.680 They're a lot nicer

00:02:58.800 and less emotional.

00:03:00.040 They have less drama

00:03:00.960 and are less jealous

00:03:02.140 of their better-looking counterparts.

00:03:04.100 They recognize and applaud commitment

00:03:05.980 and dedication

00:03:06.700 and are more direct to deal with

00:03:09.240 and willing to wade

00:03:11.120 into disagreements

00:03:12.140 amongst subordinates.

00:03:14.260 Also, statistics

00:03:15.140 from the Workplace Bullying Institute

00:03:17.200 have shown that 80%

00:03:18.600 Oh God, that's so bad.

00:03:19.800 That 80% of the time

00:03:21.020 women bully other women

00:03:22.440 while at work.

00:03:23.760 If more women

00:03:24.900 prefer male leadership,

00:03:26.920 how is there a patriarchy

00:03:28.260 of the modern workplace?

00:03:29.400 Is it time

00:03:30.620 to recognize

00:03:31.320 the toxic matriarchy?

00:03:34.960 Thoughts?

00:03:35.740 Question for the woman.

00:03:36.800 What has your overall experience

00:03:39.360 been with female leadership

00:03:40.780 compared to male leadership

00:03:42.300 in your industry?

00:03:45.120 So, starting here

00:03:47.860 and then go around.

00:03:49.160 If you've never had

00:03:50.640 both genders as bosses,

00:03:52.620 you can say that too.

00:03:53.980 Well, I've experienced

00:03:54.900 both male and female management,

00:03:57.540 but I'd say I've experienced

00:03:58.400 one female management

00:03:59.320 due to male.

00:04:02.040 Female, I would say

00:04:03.300 they're more direct.

00:04:04.920 I feel like sometimes

00:04:05.700 male management or stuff,

00:04:08.600 they just tend to have

00:04:09.340 like a more standoffish approach

00:04:10.660 whereas females

00:04:11.200 are more straightforward.

00:04:13.280 Maybe they're more

00:04:14.140 like engaging.

00:04:16.020 I would say it was okay.

00:04:17.240 It was good.

00:04:17.780 It was a good experience,

00:04:18.760 but there can be a bit of like

00:04:20.380 that woman-to-woman

00:04:21.800 kind of macho-ness,

00:04:22.780 like kind of how men

00:04:23.440 have that alpha

00:04:25.160 kind of situation going on.

00:04:26.740 I feel like that can occur

00:04:27.580 at times.

00:04:28.620 And obviously being a female,

00:04:29.780 you know,

00:04:30.540 we're very intuitive at times.

00:04:31.980 We're like,

00:04:32.200 is she trying to, you know,

00:04:33.520 trying to play games?

00:04:34.440 I'm trying to play games

00:04:35.860 playing my mental,

00:04:37.060 but you know,

00:04:37.700 yeah, nothing too intense,

00:04:39.580 like very mediocre.

00:04:40.840 Okay.

00:04:41.220 What about you two?

00:04:43.360 I've had both.

00:04:44.340 I've had a woman manager once

00:04:46.860 and I prefer having a male manager

00:04:49.920 just because they're less emotional.

00:04:52.600 I feel like in terms of leadership,

00:04:55.260 I trust men more

00:04:57.300 and I prefer a man to lead

00:05:00.560 and a lot of older women,

00:05:02.640 not all,

00:05:03.040 but a lot are a bit jealous

00:05:05.000 of younger women,

00:05:06.000 especially if they look nice

00:05:07.780 or if they have a lot of talent

00:05:09.460 and sometimes it makes them wish

00:05:11.760 that they were young again.

00:05:12.760 So yeah,

00:05:13.440 I just prefer...

00:05:14.300 I prefer men,

00:05:19.840 like I trust male leadership.

00:05:23.900 So I'm really lucky.

00:05:25.080 I've only had one female boss

00:05:27.360 and she was actually

00:05:28.480 a very good friend of mine as well

00:05:29.840 and we worked wonderfully together.

00:05:32.020 I'm 40 and she's,

00:05:33.380 I think,

00:05:33.580 12 years older than me

00:05:34.920 and I think if you have

00:05:37.060 a good working,

00:05:38.740 understanding relationship

00:05:40.180 with the woman

00:05:40.780 that you're working with,

00:05:41.580 it can be a really wonderful thing.

00:05:44.480 I've worked for many,

00:05:45.920 many males,

00:05:47.540 the majority of whom

00:05:48.740 have been inappropriate,

00:05:51.500 I guess at some point,

00:05:52.640 like not physically,

00:05:54.360 but just more like

00:05:55.420 sly comments and things.

00:05:58.300 Like flirty?

00:05:59.000 Flirty and,

00:05:59.920 you know,

00:06:00.560 suggestive,

00:06:01.880 you know,

00:06:02.540 maybe provocative.

00:06:03.780 Inappropriate.

00:06:04.240 Did you ever feel like

00:06:05.140 you got like better,

00:06:07.120 like you moved up faster

00:06:08.260 because they were flirting with you?

00:06:10.140 Yeah, I did.

00:06:10.840 And actually there was

00:06:12.340 one job that I worked at

00:06:14.200 in the retail industry

00:06:15.180 where we had a male manager

00:06:18.480 and then all of the other employees

00:06:21.080 were attractive women,

00:06:22.280 all of them.

00:06:23.180 And it was very obvious

00:06:25.640 and everybody knew it,

00:06:27.760 all the other retail stores around us,

00:06:29.660 you know,

00:06:29.880 they knew that all of the girls

00:06:31.780 that work there

00:06:32.440 were particularly good looking

00:06:33.860 and that there would always be

00:06:34.920 like a new flow

00:06:35.700 of good looking women.

00:06:37.120 But overall,

00:06:39.220 I think when you're

00:06:40.320 a confident woman,

00:06:41.960 then you can work

00:06:43.160 with other confident women.

00:06:44.820 And when you are

00:06:45.940 a confident woman,

00:06:46.660 you can take leadership

00:06:48.040 from a man.

00:06:50.140 Okay.

00:06:50.780 What about you?

00:06:52.460 I would say

00:06:53.540 for me personally,

00:06:54.860 the difference is

00:06:55.880 between competence

00:06:57.200 and incompetence.

00:06:58.480 So if you're

00:06:58.920 a competent leader,

00:06:59.720 you're competent.

00:07:01.120 And then the differentiating factor

00:07:02.840 between a man and a woman

00:07:04.000 is if you're disappointed

00:07:05.060 by a rubbish woman boss,

00:07:07.000 it's because they've been

00:07:08.260 unkind to you

00:07:09.720 or been overly critical

00:07:11.080 or been overly judgmental.

00:07:14.080 And then if you have

00:07:14.740 a male boss

00:07:15.360 that's incompetent,

00:07:16.360 it's because

00:07:17.080 he made a pass at you

00:07:18.640 or he made you feel smaller

00:07:19.840 than you should have felt

00:07:20.800 or he belittled you

00:07:22.440 in front of people

00:07:23.180 when actually

00:07:23.800 he was the one

00:07:24.580 that was wrong.

00:07:25.480 So I think the differentiation

00:07:26.900 comes between

00:07:28.120 their levels of incompetence,

00:07:29.820 but competence

00:07:30.560 is competence

00:07:31.260 irrespective

00:07:32.260 of if you're male or female.

00:07:34.140 Okay.

00:07:34.540 What do you think?

00:07:35.700 I think it's 50-50.

00:07:37.320 I think I've had

00:07:38.380 good and bad.

00:07:39.980 Like with

00:07:40.820 a male manager

00:07:42.300 that I had,

00:07:43.420 he was all about looks

00:07:44.480 and then

00:07:45.180 my previous

00:07:46.840 manager

00:07:47.640 who was a female,

00:07:49.320 she was just

00:07:49.820 very laid back.

00:07:51.180 So yeah,

00:07:52.140 I think it's 50-50.

00:07:54.260 Was you asking the girls

00:07:55.240 or just the...

00:07:56.160 Oh, um...

00:07:57.220 Do you want to do girls first?

00:07:57.880 Yeah, we'll do girls first.

00:07:58.840 Go ahead.

00:08:00.360 Um...

00:08:01.160 I agree with like

00:08:02.560 what you were saying

00:08:03.200 about competence.

00:08:04.520 So if you have experience,

00:08:06.760 if you care about

00:08:07.860 the work that you do,

00:08:09.320 whether you're male

00:08:10.100 or female,

00:08:10.700 you will like

00:08:12.240 brush up

00:08:12.860 on your leadership skills.

00:08:14.760 Women lead the home.

00:08:17.260 So,

00:08:18.040 I mean,

00:08:19.060 I'm a bit old school.

00:08:20.460 So I believe that like

00:08:21.420 technically

00:08:21.940 if push comes to shove,

00:08:24.440 a man should lead the home.

00:08:26.200 But in terms of the running

00:08:28.940 of the home,

00:08:29.620 the organisation,

00:08:30.660 the family,

00:08:32.220 the, you know,

00:08:33.200 like multitasking,

00:08:34.880 everything else,

00:08:35.700 how things look,

00:08:37.640 organising the finances,

00:08:40.220 thinking about investments,

00:08:41.080 like women lead.

00:08:43.000 Um,

00:08:43.540 and I've had an amazing

00:08:45.100 female lead

00:08:46.120 and I've had a...

00:08:47.040 Am I allowed to swear?

00:08:48.140 Yeah, you can swear.

00:08:48.680 I've had like a really

00:08:49.760 shit female boss

00:08:51.040 who was a bitch.

00:08:52.620 Like,

00:08:53.260 yeah,

00:08:53.740 she was horrible.

00:08:54.980 Um,

00:08:55.820 and I was really young

00:08:56.780 and yeah,

00:08:57.500 she,

00:08:58.580 yeah,

00:08:59.520 but I've,

00:09:00.060 so I've had both.

00:09:01.160 Um,

00:09:01.420 but men I've like,

00:09:03.420 and I've had,

00:09:03.880 it's same,

00:09:04.440 I've had really good men

00:09:05.500 bosses,

00:09:06.700 um,

00:09:07.980 or like colleagues

00:09:09.400 and then,

00:09:10.180 but men in leadership,

00:09:12.540 I trust women more,

00:09:14.680 like competent women.

00:09:16.280 Like there's,

00:09:17.040 um,

00:09:17.300 something really special

00:09:18.340 when like strong women

00:09:20.360 come together

00:09:21.040 and work together.

00:09:22.400 It's like sisterhood

00:09:23.420 and it's rare.

00:09:25.440 Like,

00:09:25.980 I don't,

00:09:27.060 it exists.

00:09:28.160 It's not,

00:09:28.900 it's not a unicorn.

00:09:30.240 It's not a unicorn.

00:09:31.080 You ever see sorority houses

00:09:32.380 versus frat houses?

00:09:33.720 The frat houses,

00:09:34.540 they're like best friends

00:09:35.560 for life.

00:09:36.140 No,

00:09:36.360 no,

00:09:36.500 no,

00:09:36.640 you're right.

00:09:37.560 Like,

00:09:37.740 you're right.

00:09:38.180 Men as groups,

00:09:39.360 like bond better,

00:09:40.520 like they're bros more,

00:09:41.620 like they are,

00:09:42.200 like they play sports together.

00:09:43.640 So they do more things

00:09:45.020 as a group.

00:09:46.460 Um,

00:09:46.800 but when you like,

00:09:49.100 get a good mix,

00:09:50.600 like,

00:09:51.080 I don't know how to explain it.

00:09:51.880 I think that's to do

00:09:52.480 with competency.

00:09:53.240 Like if you are a healthy person

00:09:55.020 and you find another healthy person,

00:09:56.900 there will be healthy things happening.

00:09:59.700 Um,

00:10:00.260 so,

00:10:00.860 you know,

00:10:01.140 you're getting old,

00:10:01.960 but if you're dealing with your trauma

00:10:04.580 with getting old

00:10:05.340 and like the way that that makes you feel

00:10:07.600 and you're faced with a beautiful young woman,

00:10:09.720 you are not going to take out

00:10:11.120 those feelings on her.

00:10:12.160 I don't know.

00:10:13.300 It exists.

00:10:14.080 There are nice people out there,

00:10:15.880 but it's rare.

00:10:16.860 I think it's common though.

00:10:17.960 I think older women bully younger women a lot.

00:10:20.380 I hear you.

00:10:21.820 It's like,

00:10:22.040 like mother vibe,

00:10:23.080 like a mother daughter relationship.

00:10:24.280 Well,

00:10:24.400 it's almost like,

00:10:25.500 it's only,

00:10:26.080 I've noticed it's usually,

00:10:27.480 I'm not saying all,

00:10:28.500 but it's only if they're still single.

00:10:30.440 Like if they're married,

00:10:31.320 they're like happily married,

00:10:32.260 they got a man,

00:10:32.880 but it's like when they're competing with you.

00:10:35.380 Yeah.

00:10:35.840 That's,

00:10:36.140 that's what I found.

00:10:36.920 I hear you.

00:10:37.880 I hear you.

00:10:38.440 And that's the dynamic between like older women

00:10:41.180 and younger women,

00:10:42.300 but there's also a dynamic between older men

00:10:44.720 and men in general and women.

00:10:46.420 And if men see you as a sexual object

00:10:50.720 rather than a work colleague,

00:10:52.520 it happens.

00:10:53.940 Like I've been a teenager,

00:10:55.100 like groped at work by my boss.

00:10:57.700 Like,

00:10:58.180 did you report it?

00:10:59.020 I didn't report it.

00:11:00.080 Like I,

00:11:01.060 when these things happen,

00:11:02.460 grapes,

00:11:03.120 okay,

00:11:03.360 maybe not grapes,

00:11:03.860 but like when like you don't know how to,

00:11:07.520 like,

00:11:07.640 especially being a teenager,

00:11:08.760 like I'm going to college.

00:11:10.700 I live alone and you know,

00:11:13.700 I'm going through things in my life

00:11:15.140 and I've been through things in my life

00:11:16.280 and it,

00:11:16.960 it,

00:11:17.300 you internalize it,

00:11:18.280 if that makes sense.

00:11:18.820 Like you feel like you've done something wrong

00:11:20.660 or you're to blame.

00:11:21.260 Like I'm feisty.

00:11:22.500 So like I put it on him

00:11:23.580 and I like showed him it's not that bad,

00:11:25.340 but like,

00:11:25.880 what do you mean you put it?

00:11:27.080 I put it on him.

00:11:27.660 Like bro,

00:11:28.500 like it's not that kind of party.

00:11:29.600 Like I'm from South London.

00:11:30.800 Like you're old.

00:11:32.460 I was confused.

00:11:33.280 And the US put it on him

00:11:34.540 means something.

00:11:35.460 No,

00:11:35.900 like I didn't like straddle him

00:11:37.660 in the cafe,

00:11:38.900 but like I just showed him like,

00:11:40.560 that's not cool,

00:11:41.160 but yeah,

00:11:42.800 like when there's such a difference

00:11:44.100 between age and like experience

00:11:46.300 and just in general,

00:11:47.800 like even if there's not that difference

00:11:48.960 between age and experience,

00:11:50.740 like men think that they can

00:11:52.500 be inappropriate

00:11:54.380 and that's okay.

00:11:55.720 You know,

00:11:56.080 some men,

00:11:57.300 some men,

00:11:58.120 some men,

00:11:59.040 most men,

00:12:00.240 because if you look at,

00:12:01.560 you can't say most you,

00:12:03.520 because you've got to look

00:12:04.520 at a woman's experience

00:12:05.700 and you've got to look at,

00:12:07.360 they do research.

00:12:08.520 Like if I've spoken to 100 men

00:12:10.140 in my life

00:12:10.680 and 89.9

00:12:13.140 have moved

00:12:14.120 in this type of way.

00:12:16.360 90% of men.

00:12:17.700 89.9.

00:12:18.580 Okay.

00:12:18.900 You think 89.9

00:12:20.760 have moved mad.

00:12:22.900 No,

00:12:23.420 that's not my experience.

00:12:24.580 Like I just wouldn't,

00:12:25.660 I mean,

00:12:26.000 when I was,

00:12:26.500 when I was young,

00:12:27.060 I had a coach hit on me,

00:12:28.720 but I wouldn't generalize

00:12:29.680 all men with that.

00:12:31.640 89.9?

00:12:32.440 Yeah.

00:12:32.580 No,

00:12:32.960 not even close.

00:12:33.800 I would say like,

00:12:34.740 I would say most men

00:12:35.560 are good men.

00:12:36.220 Like,

00:12:36.380 you know what you're saying?

00:12:37.020 Do you have any brothers?

00:12:38.420 I have two brothers,

00:12:40.020 one which is AWOL

00:12:41.320 and the other,

00:12:42.160 which is Dutty,

00:12:43.560 but kind of good.

00:12:44.160 So,

00:12:44.480 so if you put your brothers

00:12:45.420 in the room with us,

00:12:46.260 that's four men

00:12:46.820 and then you put,

00:12:48.300 wait,

00:12:48.480 Kobe said,

00:12:48.920 that's five.

00:12:50.000 You put,

00:12:50.320 Blessing said,

00:12:50.980 that's six.

00:12:52.080 Amiri just left,

00:12:52.760 that was seven.

00:12:53.240 If you put another three,

00:12:53.880 you're going to say

00:12:54.380 out of those 10 men,

00:12:55.680 eight of us are inappropriate

00:12:56.980 and removed.

00:12:57.300 But you're,

00:12:57.700 you're picking like my brothers.

00:12:59.680 No,

00:12:59.940 I'm picking,

00:13:00.420 and you're assuming

00:13:02.060 that my brothers

00:13:02.880 like are cool.

00:13:04.660 No,

00:13:04.900 I'm just picking,

00:13:05.500 I'm just picking 10 men

00:13:06.880 and you said 89.9.

00:13:08.520 So let's say,

00:13:09.040 so let's say out of 10 men,

00:13:11.160 nine of them

00:13:12.340 are men that commit SA

00:13:14.280 and don't know how to treat women.

00:13:15.540 Is that what you're saying?

00:13:16.160 So I'm not saying

00:13:17.340 that they commit SA.

00:13:18.820 I never said they'll commit SA.

00:13:20.200 I'm saying inappropriate.

00:13:21.740 So,

00:13:22.140 okay.

00:13:22.360 So the same way

00:13:23.460 that we said

00:13:24.080 that older women

00:13:25.020 may like try

00:13:26.940 and put that on a woman

00:13:28.180 and bring out like

00:13:29.220 their issues

00:13:29.760 that they have

00:13:30.320 about getting older

00:13:31.060 and a young woman

00:13:32.140 being threatening to them.

00:13:34.480 That's one dynamic

00:13:35.740 between an older woman

00:13:37.020 and a younger woman.

00:13:37.980 An older

00:13:38.700 or a similar age man

00:13:40.100 and a woman

00:13:40.700 from my experience,

00:13:42.760 so I'm not saying

00:13:43.400 in life in general,

00:13:44.520 this is for everybody,

00:13:45.380 but from my experience,

00:13:47.080 over 50%,

00:13:48.100 closer towards 89.9

00:13:49.780 have been inappropriate.

00:13:51.500 Can you define,

00:13:52.480 can you define

00:13:53.020 inappropriate?

00:13:54.300 So,

00:13:55.720 like passes,

00:13:57.000 like,

00:13:57.380 like,

00:13:57.680 what's passes?

00:13:58.760 So you just mean

00:13:59.460 like,

00:13:59.760 you look,

00:14:00.400 like,

00:14:00.940 looking at your blouse,

00:14:02.660 like,

00:14:02.960 or like,

00:14:03.480 do you know what I mean?

00:14:04.020 Like,

00:14:04.300 like,

00:14:04.600 I can give a good example.

00:14:05.540 Yes,

00:14:06.200 please.

00:14:06.760 Thank you.

00:14:07.420 I was at work.

00:14:08.720 Sorry.

00:14:09.140 I could give a good example.

00:14:10.520 I forgot my mic was so far away.

00:14:11.760 I was at work one day

00:14:14.600 and I was like,

00:14:15.640 going through my shift.

00:14:16.400 My job is one of those jobs

00:14:17.260 where you get there.

00:14:18.180 I don't really wear my uniform

00:14:19.580 to work

00:14:20.040 because I don't like to commute

00:14:20.920 in my uniform.

00:14:21.760 So I will change when I get there,

00:14:22.980 whatever not.

00:14:23.500 So I've gone on the shop floor

00:14:24.400 and I'm just getting on with my job.

00:14:26.120 I've got probably 11 hour shift.

00:14:27.800 Just going through it,

00:14:28.500 going through it,

00:14:28.860 going through it.

00:14:29.580 And one of the like,

00:14:30.500 new kind of old-ish,

00:14:32.100 like,

00:14:32.240 you know when someone

00:14:32.560 goes to the job

00:14:32.980 and they come back?

00:14:34.180 We had like someone

00:14:34.740 that had come back to the shop

00:14:35.780 and they was like on the pass

00:14:37.100 or whatever not doing their job.

00:14:38.340 And I'm just like,

00:14:39.060 you know,

00:14:39.240 on the shop floor

00:14:39.920 getting on with everything.

00:14:41.240 I'm seeing them gesture at me,

00:14:42.520 like kind of like glaring towards me

00:14:43.800 and I'm thinking,

00:14:44.500 Who is it?

00:14:45.460 This is like,

00:14:46.660 say,

00:14:46.820 it's a runner.

00:14:47.580 Like,

00:14:47.800 I work in hospitality.

00:14:49.220 Oh, okay.

00:14:49.840 So like,

00:14:50.320 say,

00:14:50.500 I'm like head waitress.

00:14:51.460 That's my position,

00:14:52.220 senior waitress on the shop floor.

00:14:53.540 And I'm just doing my day-to-day,

00:14:55.060 like,

00:14:55.240 you know,

00:14:55.460 diligence.

00:14:56.420 And they was doing their job,

00:14:58.160 but it's like,

00:14:58.460 they was glaring at me

00:14:59.280 at a point.

00:15:00.160 So I was thinking,

00:15:00.760 how can I help?

00:15:02.380 But I'm kind of like,

00:15:03.080 not saying nothing.

00:15:03.960 I'm kind of looking at them like.

00:15:05.280 And it's two guys?

00:15:06.560 No,

00:15:06.760 it's one guy at this point.

00:15:07.640 One guy.

00:15:07.760 So one guy.

00:15:08.660 This is just somebody

00:15:09.340 that's not necessarily

00:15:10.180 on a higher hierarchy

00:15:11.700 in the establishment,

00:15:13.080 but it doesn't make a difference.

00:15:14.020 Like men,

00:15:14.600 male,

00:15:15.000 whatever.

00:15:15.880 So yeah,

00:15:16.440 he's glaring at me

00:15:17.080 and I'm looking back like,

00:15:18.420 how can I help?

00:15:19.360 And he's kind of like,

00:15:20.200 looked down

00:15:20.680 because obviously being a female,

00:15:22.120 you'll be conscious

00:15:22.620 of when a male's looking at you.

00:15:24.060 This is what I thought

00:15:25.120 Stephanie's trying to explain.

00:15:26.340 Like,

00:15:26.760 you know,

00:15:26.980 when someone's kind of giving you

00:15:27.920 kind of like,

00:15:28.340 not uncomfortableness,

00:15:29.220 but I'm not sure

00:15:30.300 what you're trying to say,

00:15:31.140 but you're not saying nothing.

00:15:32.240 So you're leaving it

00:15:33.060 out in the open.

00:15:33.860 So I've had to try

00:15:34.440 and interpretate

00:15:35.160 what he's looking at.

00:15:36.760 So I've looked down

00:15:37.520 and my flies are undone.

00:15:39.220 When was you going to say something?

00:15:41.040 Because you've been looking

00:15:41.820 at my front for a very long time.

00:15:44.080 He's my point.

00:15:44.980 You've been looking at my crotch.

00:15:46.060 And when I made like,

00:15:46.940 you know,

00:15:47.520 the announcement of like,

00:15:48.360 oh,

00:15:48.600 like,

00:15:48.900 was you not going to say anything?

00:15:49.880 He was like,

00:15:50.200 I liked it.

00:15:50.800 Like,

00:15:51.520 what does that mean?

00:15:52.700 He was hit on you.

00:15:53.860 But that's the point.

00:15:55.220 Like,

00:15:55.400 why?

00:15:56.120 Why is that something that,

00:15:57.560 you know,

00:15:57.860 it's weird.

00:15:58.680 It's just weird.

00:15:59.180 And guys tend to do things

00:16:00.100 like in their mind,

00:16:00.900 it seems lighthearted,

00:16:02.000 but it's very serious.

00:16:02.940 Yeah.

00:16:03.380 No,

00:16:03.660 I flirted with a guy at work before.

00:16:05.920 I don't think it's that deep.

00:16:06.620 I was doing like a six hour shift

00:16:08.380 with my flies undone.

00:16:09.700 Yeah,

00:16:09.860 but the thing is,

00:16:10.460 and he didn't say anything.

00:16:11.520 He was glaring at it.

00:16:12.220 So the thing is,

00:16:12.840 you have to be clear.

00:16:13.900 You have to be very,

00:16:14.660 very clear in what you're saying.

00:16:16.220 So you're explaining for her,

00:16:18.160 but you can't explain for her

00:16:19.300 for her situation.

00:16:20.440 So you're giving me yours,

00:16:21.280 right?

00:16:21.780 But what I take from this,

00:16:22.840 what I take from this as a man is,

00:16:24.300 which a man's been inappropriate.

00:16:25.280 That's what we're talking about.

00:16:26.080 But when you start talking about

00:16:27.580 89 point,

00:16:29.780 do you know what you're saying?

00:16:31.460 You're saying when you walk down the street,

00:16:33.440 90% of men are going to do a madness

00:16:35.860 or going to treat you inappropriately.

00:16:37.660 So then you can't then retract that to 50%.

00:16:40.020 That could be more likely 50%.

00:16:41.940 You know,

00:16:42.260 a guy could maybe be like this

00:16:43.640 or not be like that.

00:16:44.660 As a man,

00:16:45.560 when we listen to women talk like this,

00:16:47.020 we have to listen to what you're saying.

00:16:48.800 And unless a man has actually done something

00:16:50.720 that you can concrete say,

00:16:52.040 he did this,

00:16:52.760 I reported this.

00:16:53.520 What we hear is just what we always hear from women.

00:16:56.080 Depending on what you feel

00:16:57.420 is how you feel the scenario was.

00:16:59.580 But if you didn't report it,

00:17:01.220 if it wasn't recorded,

00:17:02.720 all we have to go on is

00:17:04.200 just what you believe it is.

00:17:05.900 And you can't even be clearing

00:17:07.260 what you believe it is.

00:17:07.960 What happened?

00:17:08.520 I disagree with that.

00:17:09.880 Sorry,

00:17:10.480 but I disagree with that

00:17:11.540 because you're saying

00:17:13.100 that unless someone reports it,

00:17:15.460 you only have their

00:17:16.780 like version of events to go on.

00:17:19.220 Yeah.

00:17:19.480 But there are people,

00:17:20.140 sorry guys,

00:17:22.320 but there are people

00:17:23.320 who do report things

00:17:24.540 and it's still their version of events.

00:17:26.540 But you didn't report it though.

00:17:28.700 Have you?

00:17:29.520 Because if you don't,

00:17:30.400 if you don't wait,

00:17:31.140 wait,

00:17:31.340 if you don't report it,

00:17:32.180 it's he said,

00:17:32.680 she said.

00:17:33.440 Yeah,

00:17:33.580 but even when you report it,

00:17:34.760 he said,

00:17:35.560 she said.

00:17:35.980 And when people report

00:17:37.080 grape issues

00:17:38.320 or SA issues,

00:17:39.800 it's still a he say,

00:17:41.500 she say.

00:17:42.100 Because if you're in a relationship

00:17:43.600 with someone,

00:17:44.320 if it's your uncle,

00:17:45.480 yeah,

00:17:46.180 whoever it is,

00:17:47.400 it's a personal thing.

00:17:48.960 You understand?

00:17:50.020 When you,

00:17:50.660 like people aren't here right now,

00:17:51.960 there's a whole heap of people

00:17:52.840 in this room,

00:17:53.380 yeah?

00:17:53.720 But when your man

00:17:55.480 does certain things,

00:17:58.000 your man,

00:17:58.820 you know,

00:17:59.300 and you haven't agreed to it,

00:18:01.320 it's still a he say,

00:18:02.380 she say.

00:18:02.940 Did you report it?

00:18:03.640 No,

00:18:03.780 no,

00:18:03.900 no.

00:18:04.140 I'm saying to you,

00:18:05.360 did you report it?

00:18:06.260 I'm saying to you

00:18:07.160 that whether it's reported,

00:18:08.640 but did you report it?

00:18:09.920 to hear what I have to say.

00:18:11.240 I'm saying to you

00:18:12.040 that whether it's reported

00:18:12.880 or whether it's not reported,

00:18:14.540 it's still a he say,

00:18:15.460 she say.

00:18:15.800 And the reason why people

00:18:16.680 don't report it

00:18:17.700 is because it's still

00:18:18.860 a he say,

00:18:19.400 she say.

00:18:19.900 There's no evidence,

00:18:20.820 there's no camera in my room,

00:18:22.500 right?

00:18:22.920 There's no camera in my room

00:18:24.300 to prove that what I'm saying

00:18:26.100 is true.

00:18:26.380 So why do you report it?

00:18:28.160 But what are you talking about?

00:18:29.360 I'm talking about

00:18:29.880 hypothetical situations.

00:18:30.880 Okay,

00:18:31.180 okay,

00:18:31.620 so do you understand the concept?

00:18:32.920 Yes,

00:18:33.100 I do,

00:18:33.440 I do,

00:18:33.940 I do,

00:18:34.340 I do,

00:18:34.660 I do,

00:18:35.000 but even when it's a

00:18:37.280 he said,

00:18:37.700 she said,

00:18:38.080 people have patterns

00:18:38.820 of behavior.

00:18:39.740 Like honestly,

00:18:40.500 I think it's selfish

00:18:41.240 not to report it.

00:18:42.340 I genuinely think it's selfish.

00:18:43.660 Like you want them

00:18:44.040 to do that to someone else?

00:18:45.500 If it genuinely happened,

00:18:46.980 like why would you not

00:18:47.880 report it?

00:18:48.780 Because even if,

00:18:49.680 even if like,

00:18:50.360 let's say justice

00:18:51.240 isn't served for you,

00:18:52.380 if 10 girls come forward

00:18:53.620 with the same story,

00:18:54.560 eventually they can build

00:18:55.840 a case against a guy.

00:18:56.820 It's happened,

00:18:57.260 I've seen it happen.

00:18:58.220 So it's genuinely selfish

00:18:59.560 if you don't report it.

00:18:59.980 So when you say

00:19:00.460 he say,

00:19:00.840 she say,

00:19:01.060 she say,

00:19:01.260 every time you go to the police

00:19:03.040 and you make an accusation

00:19:04.200 against someone,

00:19:04.800 you report it's always

00:19:05.640 he say,

00:19:06.060 she say,

00:19:06.560 nothing is ever concrete.

00:19:07.740 The reason why you go

00:19:08.440 to the police

00:19:09.000 is so that a case

00:19:09.800 can be pulled against the person.

00:19:11.280 So if I have five girls

00:19:12.680 that say to me,

00:19:13.800 my boss was inappropriate to me

00:19:15.040 and I said to you,

00:19:15.580 okay,

00:19:15.760 cool.

00:19:16.160 Or my sister says to me,

00:19:17.400 my boss was inappropriate to you.

00:19:18.440 I say,

00:19:18.680 the first thing you do

00:19:19.380 is go and report it.

00:19:20.500 If five women do not report it,

00:19:22.200 then they say to me,

00:19:22.940 oh,

00:19:23.060 it's because of he say,

00:19:23.880 she say,

00:19:24.500 whose fault is that?

00:19:25.880 But we're not even blaming people.

00:19:27.280 I'm not blaming

00:19:28.520 because she said to me.

00:19:29.380 Because you are.

00:19:30.120 No,

00:19:30.240 no,

00:19:30.380 no,

00:19:30.540 no,

00:19:30.640 no.

00:19:30.680 Guys,

00:19:31.480 guys,

00:19:32.340 guys,

00:19:33.480 guys,

00:19:33.640 guys,

00:19:33.820 guys,

00:19:33.840 listen for a second here.

00:19:34.840 She said to me,

00:19:36.080 apparently I don't understand

00:19:37.480 that he's,

00:19:38.040 but I'm saying I do understand

00:19:39.100 if someone does something to you,

00:19:40.600 this is,

00:19:41.000 look,

00:19:41.140 let me look to the camera.

00:19:42.120 Ladies,

00:19:42.840 women,

00:19:43.360 if somebody does something to you

00:19:44.860 in your workplace,

00:19:45.760 in your home,

00:19:46.660 any man is inappropriate,

00:19:47.800 you need to go and report it

00:19:49.460 straight away.

00:19:50.180 You need to.

00:19:50.840 And this is what I'm going to advocate for

00:19:52.000 because if you come on a platform

00:19:53.120 and you say,

00:19:54.120 oh,

00:19:54.220 my man did this to me,

00:19:55.940 my boss did this to me,

00:19:57.480 and you tell me,

00:19:58.440 and I say to you,

00:19:58.860 so what did you do about it?

00:19:59.680 He said nothing.

00:20:00.420 I'm sorry,

00:20:00.920 I just can't,

00:20:01.360 I just can't,

00:20:01.860 I just can't take every woman

00:20:02.820 that says that the truth.

00:20:03.820 I'm sorry,

00:20:04.080 I can't do that.

00:20:04.620 But can we just say very quickly,

00:20:06.900 which really,

00:20:07.680 really should add

00:20:08.680 that some women

00:20:10.940 are so traumatized

00:20:13.360 by what they have experienced,

00:20:15.600 they find it difficult

00:20:17.200 to come forward.

00:20:18.120 Have you experienced SA,

00:20:19.760 pearly things,

00:20:20.560 or you?

00:20:21.260 Have you experienced it?

00:20:22.160 I mean,

00:20:23.360 the definition for SA

00:20:25.400 is so broad nowadays.

00:20:26.900 What is the definition?

00:20:28.140 I don't even know.

00:20:29.220 They change it every year.

00:20:30.620 And it's also perception.

00:20:31.760 But arguably,

00:20:32.860 I could,

00:20:33.220 yeah,

00:20:33.520 I could argue that I have.

00:20:34.620 And did you report

00:20:35.320 every experience of SA?

00:20:36.760 Yes.

00:20:37.440 Every single experience?

00:20:38.620 It doesn't happen to me

00:20:39.660 that many times.

00:20:41.200 You were so brave then

00:20:42.960 for having the courage

00:20:44.040 to do it.

00:20:44.700 No, it's not.

00:20:45.040 But some women,

00:20:46.020 it's,

00:20:46.460 what is the first thing

00:20:47.500 you're supposed to report?

00:20:48.140 No,

00:20:48.440 and I'm saying,

00:20:48.980 I'm saying argue,

00:20:49.840 and it's arguably

00:20:51.420 because it's like

00:20:52.440 nowadays you can report

00:20:53.680 someone grabbing your butt

00:20:54.700 at a bar.

00:20:56.420 But if that's not warranted

00:20:57.860 or that's not invited.

00:20:58.780 But some people don't think

00:20:59.480 that's like a higher enough report.

00:21:01.720 It doesn't matter.

00:21:02.580 No,

00:21:02.780 I don't know.

00:21:03.820 That's what I say.

00:21:04.620 It's so broad.

00:21:05.660 But I'm saying like,

00:21:07.600 like,

00:21:08.200 if you're,

00:21:08.880 to me,

00:21:09.400 okay,

00:21:09.900 it doesn't make sense to me

00:21:11.440 if you can come on a podcast

00:21:12.720 and talk about something,

00:21:14.000 but you can't talk about it

00:21:14.940 to the police.

00:21:15.620 Exactly.

00:21:16.180 I was going to say that too.

00:21:16.920 So I understand that

00:21:17.940 some people,

00:21:19.140 like,

00:21:19.440 okay,

00:21:19.680 they might,

00:21:20.160 they might not want

00:21:20.680 to talk about it publicly

00:21:21.720 or they might,

00:21:22.260 like,

00:21:22.400 if they're afraid,

00:21:23.260 then they wouldn't go

00:21:23.800 to my podcast

00:21:24.400 and they wouldn't go

00:21:25.060 to the police either.

00:21:26.540 But,

00:21:27.160 again,

00:21:27.900 I still,

00:21:28.520 but I still think

00:21:29.700 it's selfish.

00:21:30.320 I think,

00:21:30.720 I think if you,

00:21:31.720 if you,

00:21:32.380 if you,

00:21:32.760 I'm selfish

00:21:33.460 for being a 17-year-old girl

00:21:35.320 who lives in a hostel.

00:21:36.780 You don't know

00:21:37.120 what I've experienced

00:21:37.800 previous to that

00:21:38.840 for not reporting my boss

00:21:40.900 who's probably about

00:21:41.520 40 years old

00:21:42.600 and,

00:21:43.480 excuse me,

00:21:44.300 let me land,

00:21:44.840 don't interrupt me.

00:21:45.560 No,

00:21:45.800 I'm just saying yes.

00:21:46.300 I'm not asking you,

00:21:47.300 I was asking pearly things.

00:21:48.460 I'm just saying yes.

00:21:49.120 I'm asking you,

00:21:50.020 if you think I'm selfish,

00:21:51.460 I'm a child at this point,

00:21:52.880 yeah?

00:21:53.220 I've been sexually

00:21:54.300 harassed,

00:21:56.480 yeah?

00:21:56.680 Harassment.

00:21:56.920 All of them things

00:21:57.720 that,

00:21:58.020 you know,

00:21:58.360 you can say

00:21:59.120 by,

00:22:00.680 yeah,

00:22:01.120 like,

00:22:01.420 by,

00:22:01.680 you can't,

00:22:02.200 you can't tell me nothing.

00:22:03.600 However,

00:22:03.880 whatever your opinion is,

00:22:04.680 that's your business,

00:22:05.540 yeah?

00:22:05.960 Because I know my situation,

00:22:08.020 yeah?

00:22:08.140 And what I have walked through

00:22:09.440 in that situation,

00:22:10.860 right now I'm 33 years old,

00:22:12.480 yeah?

00:22:12.720 So it's different now.

00:22:13.580 Of course I can sit down,

00:22:14.420 I work with,

00:22:14.880 I work in the community,

00:22:16.280 but at that age,

00:22:17.460 yeah?

00:22:18.300 That young age,

00:22:19.220 I am a child.

00:22:20.520 I can't even open a bank account

00:22:22.400 on my own,

00:22:23.700 yeah?

00:22:24.000 And you're telling me

00:22:24.720 I am selfish.

00:22:26.060 At 17 you can.

00:22:26.940 I am selfish.

00:22:27.360 At 17 you can have a bank account.

00:22:28.740 Well,

00:22:28.960 whatever you can't do,

00:22:30.300 illegally,

00:22:31.400 under 18.

00:22:32.320 people don't have that education.

00:22:33.920 At 17 you don't know

00:22:35.120 you can open a bank.

00:22:35.780 You're trying to,

00:22:36.460 you're trying to,

00:22:37.220 you're trying to make jokes,

00:22:38.920 and you're trying to interject,

00:22:40.080 and you're trying to,

00:22:40.680 I'm not making jokes.

00:22:41.200 Diverge from something

00:22:42.180 that is very,

00:22:42.840 very important,

00:22:43.380 and a lot of young women

00:22:45.180 have experienced it.

00:22:46.220 Okay, okay, okay.

00:22:46.640 Have you gone through SA?

00:22:48.480 No, no, no, no.

00:22:49.520 Okay,

00:22:49.700 you asked me the question first,

00:22:51.240 and then you go on this rant.

00:22:53.640 I did go on a rant,

00:22:55.020 because I felt like it.

00:22:56.140 Sorry to her.

00:22:57.380 Okay,

00:22:57.920 do I think that's selfish?

00:22:58.860 Yes.

00:22:59.260 Yeah.

00:22:59.400 Because then other girls

00:23:00.760 have to deal with it.

00:23:02.380 Like,

00:23:02.580 I just think,

00:23:03.580 if something happened to me

00:23:04.900 that was so traumatizing,

00:23:06.260 like,

00:23:06.520 I wouldn't want other girls

00:23:07.600 to go through that.

00:23:08.820 You're,

00:23:09.220 like,

00:23:09.520 basically,

00:23:10.080 I can't,

00:23:10.720 I can't judge other people.

00:23:12.540 You can say what you want

00:23:13.540 and feel what you want,

00:23:14.400 yeah,

00:23:14.520 and have your opinion,

00:23:15.220 and that doesn't mean

00:23:16.040 that much to me,

00:23:17.340 because you don't know

00:23:19.380 what people go through.

00:23:20.860 What your capacity is,

00:23:22.800 at 17,

00:23:23.540 I don't know if you went through

00:23:24.480 your experiences at that age,

00:23:25.920 and if you was living

00:23:26.720 in a hostel at that age,

00:23:27.740 and if you had gone through

00:23:28.720 what I had gone through,

00:23:29.400 at that age,

00:23:30.740 yeah,

00:23:30.840 we're different people.

00:23:31.820 Do you understand

00:23:32.020 what I'm saying to you?

00:23:32.920 Yeah,

00:23:33.320 I know we're different people.

00:23:34.900 We're different people,

00:23:35.660 so that's what I'm saying.

00:23:36.220 You might have the capacity,

00:23:37.600 you might have the support,

00:23:38.440 you might be living at home,

00:23:39.280 you might have your mum

00:23:39.860 to rub your back

00:23:40.560 at the police station.

00:23:41.920 I wasn't in that situation.

00:23:43.440 So,

00:23:43.860 there are many people

00:23:45.120 that are experiencing things,

00:23:46.700 and I haven't got no judgment for you.

00:23:48.320 Do what you can do,

00:23:49.360 because why is it up to the victims

00:23:50.980 to find,

00:23:52.380 and look down,

00:23:53.060 you know,

00:23:53.260 as a child,

00:23:54.380 to build up a case

00:23:56.860 against these people?

00:23:58.060 When you have the capacity,

00:23:59.460 yes,

00:24:00.080 I encourage,

00:24:01.960 I support,

00:24:02.900 but find an organisation.

00:24:03.900 If you don't think

00:24:04.620 you can do it on your own,

00:24:05.760 if you are unsure,

00:24:07.260 get the support that you need.

00:24:08.600 The main thing is

00:24:09.300 that you have got support

00:24:10.500 to get through the trauma

00:24:11.660 of varying,

00:24:12.800 yes,

00:24:13.120 you get your brum

00:24:13.740 grabbed at a nightclub,

00:24:14.660 but there's varying

00:24:15.320 different traumas

00:24:17.040 and levels of SA.

00:24:17.340 There's an organisation,

00:24:18.000 it's called the police,

00:24:18.760 so listen to this,

00:24:19.300 I've just listened to you.

00:24:20.080 The police?

00:24:20.600 No,

00:24:20.860 no,

00:24:21.040 sorry,

00:24:21.340 can I talk,

00:24:21.960 because I've just listened to you.

00:24:22.760 I have scars on me

00:24:23.860 from the police,

00:24:24.560 so why am I going to go to them

00:24:25.800 when I'm being a police?

00:24:26.680 So what you're doing now is,

00:24:27.640 we've let you speak,

00:24:29.340 we've let you tell your story,

00:24:30.440 we've let you tell your passion,

00:24:31.620 but,

00:24:32.180 I'm sorry,

00:24:32.780 but the world doesn't owe

00:24:33.660 any one of us understanding.

00:24:34.920 Lots of people are going

00:24:35.780 through lots of things.

00:24:36.800 End of the day,

00:24:37.340 it's very selfish for you

00:24:38.300 to be assaulted by a man

00:24:39.380 or whatever you said,

00:24:40.700 and he's 40 years harassed

00:24:42.040 or whatever it is,

00:24:42.780 but it's made you feel

00:24:44.020 this strongly about it,

00:24:45.260 it's gone into your life

00:24:46.020 and it's obviously followed you.

00:24:47.540 You have let this man

00:24:48.780 go into the world

00:24:49.580 and possibly do it

00:24:50.520 to many other women before.

00:24:51.580 This is like knowing a man

00:24:52.780 is actually like a...

00:24:54.220 For example,

00:24:55.160 if someone touched kids

00:24:56.200 and you knew they did that

00:24:57.720 and you never...

00:24:58.640 I was a kid.

00:24:59.100 No, wait, hold on.

00:24:59.920 No, you wasn't,

00:25:00.360 you're 17.

00:25:00.880 Let's not do this.

00:25:01.440 Please stop being too much.

00:25:02.440 No, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen.

00:25:03.980 Technically.

00:25:04.920 Okay, so if you're going

00:25:05.720 to keep doing this,

00:25:06.780 then we're not going

00:25:07.340 to be able to get off

00:25:08.000 because basically,

00:25:08.900 you said to me,

00:25:09.440 at 17,

00:25:10.300 you can open a bank account.

00:25:11.200 You can open a bank account

00:25:12.100 at like 11 years old.

00:25:13.220 What tends to happen is,

00:25:14.500 a lot of people come over here

00:25:15.620 and they're trying to act like,

00:25:16.640 oh, when I wasn't an adult,

00:25:18.420 at 17,

00:25:19.020 you knew right from wrong.

00:25:20.200 End of the day,

00:25:20.780 if you had any family,

00:25:21.900 any people around you,

00:25:22.820 if you didn't,

00:25:23.560 cool,

00:25:23.720 dude,

00:25:23.840 it's a scenario,

00:25:24.360 I understand that,

00:25:24.940 but you have the police there.

00:25:26.180 You cannot come into a platform

00:25:27.260 and be this fluid

00:25:28.300 and be this articulate

00:25:29.420 and challenge Pearl

00:25:30.260 and say to myself,

00:25:31.160 oh, you know what?

00:25:31.620 I couldn't go to the police.

00:25:32.640 There's nobody around.

00:25:33.380 The police is there.

00:25:34.080 Then you say to me,

00:25:35.000 okay, I got attacked by the police.

00:25:36.200 Okay, so you don't have...

00:25:37.360 Or whatever it is you say...

00:25:38.100 I've got scars on me from the police.

00:25:38.640 Okay, cool.

00:25:39.240 So why am I going to go to the police?

00:25:40.880 Okay, okay, so now...

00:25:41.960 Who at 15 have assaulted me.

00:25:44.140 Okay, cool.

00:25:44.560 So now we can't go to the police, right?

00:25:46.260 So you don't have...

00:25:46.520 So who do we go to?

00:25:47.620 I'm just discovering...

00:25:48.500 Who do we report it to?

00:25:49.720 I'm just discovering...

00:25:50.620 My manager.

00:25:51.160 Who do we report?

00:25:51.680 I'm asking you.

00:25:52.260 You're telling me

00:25:52.580 you can't go to the police.

00:25:53.480 Most people can go to the police,

00:25:54.400 but you're saying to me,

00:25:55.020 so I don't have to take this on board.

00:25:56.360 Do you have...

00:25:57.580 Would you like to see the scars?

00:25:58.980 See, what you're doing is, yeah...

00:26:00.320 Because he said he don't believe

00:26:01.200 if you haven't reported.

00:26:02.180 Do you get what I'm saying?

00:26:02.700 What you're saying is very...

00:26:03.640 No, no, no, no.

00:26:04.540 Hold on a second.

00:26:05.120 Hold on a second.

00:26:05.540 Alex's coming.

00:26:05.940 No, no, no.

00:26:06.400 Because this man is...

00:26:06.880 No, no, no.

00:26:07.180 Because what...

00:26:07.540 You're not letting me finish.

00:26:09.820 You're not letting me finish.

00:26:10.920 Land, land, land.

00:26:11.220 And the reason you're not letting me finish

00:26:12.440 is because the moment I do,

00:26:13.540 you don't have nothing to push back on.

00:26:14.980 You just really...

00:26:15.760 Talk, big man.

00:26:16.580 Talk, talk, talk.

00:26:17.300 Let me hear what you're going to say.

00:26:18.200 Okay, okay.

00:26:18.540 Come on.

00:26:19.000 Can I present something a second?

00:26:20.500 One second.

00:26:20.800 You know what it is?

00:26:22.120 Guys, guys, guys.

00:26:23.260 Let him finish.

00:26:24.220 Because the thing is, yeah,

00:26:25.000 we're not going to be able

00:26:25.580 to have a conversation

00:26:26.260 if you keep doing this

00:26:27.240 because you keep getting triggered.

00:26:28.300 Why are you getting so triggered?

00:26:29.740 It gets like that.

00:26:30.380 No, if this is trauma,

00:26:31.260 let's not talk about it

00:26:32.040 because you're getting very triggered by it

00:26:33.260 and you don't have to speak about it.

00:26:34.540 If this is causing you trauma

00:26:35.720 because we can't even have a conversation,

00:26:37.440 in order for me to have a conversation,

00:26:39.060 we're going to have to ask you some questions.

00:26:40.240 We're going to have to diverge.

00:26:41.180 And every time I do,

00:26:42.440 you get triggered and you interrupt me.

00:26:43.600 So I don't want to do it

00:26:44.600 if we can't do it, Pearl.

00:26:45.420 There's no point.

00:26:46.100 Say what you have to say.

00:26:47.060 You said you're going to land.

00:26:47.800 Is that what you have to say?

00:26:49.300 Is that what you have to say?

00:26:50.000 No, Alex, take it, take it, take it.

00:26:51.420 Okay, that's what I thought.

00:26:52.500 All right, let me present something to you, Steph, yeah?

00:26:55.140 Yes, Alex.

00:26:55.760 For the rest of us to just listen to.

00:26:59.300 So, Steph, let's say you could,

00:27:01.920 you were looking right now at 17-year-old girl

00:27:05.660 who has just experienced,

00:27:08.560 you're a fly on the wall,

00:27:10.040 you see a 17-year-old girl

00:27:11.440 who's just experienced what you went through

00:27:13.440 with the police,

00:27:16.420 with those situations.

00:27:19.520 What, right now, sitting here now,

00:27:21.560 what do you think are the steps

00:27:23.540 that that 17-year-old girl should take?

00:27:26.360 I'd like to hear from the rest of the panel.

00:27:28.020 I've heard from two men.

00:27:29.620 No, don't do that.

00:27:30.500 Don't do that.

00:27:32.300 Don't do that, man.

00:27:33.300 I'm asking.

00:27:33.760 Don't do that.

00:27:34.120 I'm asking.

00:27:34.960 I'm asking.

00:27:36.160 He's asking you a question.

00:27:37.760 Yeah, I'm asking you directly.

00:27:40.280 My advice and my concern

00:27:42.460 is for her mental health

00:27:45.820 and that she is supported.

00:27:47.600 So my priority over speaking to the police,

00:27:50.740 which I think is the best course of action

00:27:53.140 if she feels able to do so,

00:27:54.980 is to make sure that somebody she trusts,

00:27:58.220 whether it's a member of her family,

00:27:59.880 whether it's a friend,

00:28:01.320 whoever is aware of her situation

00:28:03.240 because if she's feeling low,

00:28:05.940 if, you know what I mean,

00:28:06.640 that's my concern.

00:28:07.780 You don't think...

00:28:07.960 My general concern.

00:28:09.160 You don't think the number one concern

00:28:10.600 would be to stop it from happening again?

00:28:12.840 Because it happened to her.

00:28:14.840 So now it could happen to 10 girls

00:28:16.420 or it could happen to one girl.

00:28:18.080 I think it's a point of view situation

00:28:20.180 that we're not going on.

00:28:21.200 I was going to say like...

00:28:21.900 It's someone coming from trauma

00:28:23.400 and someone coming from stoicism.

00:28:25.460 So it's two completely different point of views

00:28:27.660 that don't interject.

00:28:29.260 So I get what you're saying

00:28:30.720 in the sense that,

00:28:32.140 say it with your chest, right?

00:28:34.120 Those things happened to you.

00:28:35.180 They were awful.

00:28:36.020 I'm very sorry.

00:28:36.960 But your statistic is...

00:28:38.900 You're coming at her with maths.

00:28:40.180 Your maths is off, right?

00:28:41.200 And she's saying these things happened to me.

00:28:42.840 So obviously there's going to be

00:28:44.000 a complete non...

00:28:46.700 Can I just stop you for a second?

00:28:47.500 I'll let you go on.

00:28:48.140 You know what it is?

00:28:48.780 I've come on this platform before.

00:28:49.940 I have three sisters.

00:28:50.940 I have four nieces.

00:28:52.560 Like, I am very...

00:28:53.780 I've just been spending a whole day

00:28:54.800 with my niece.

00:28:55.180 You can look at my story

00:28:55.860 playing with them, yeah?

00:28:56.740 I have a very good relationship

00:28:58.020 with my younger sister

00:28:58.700 and we speak about a lot of things.

00:29:00.560 So if you said you never...

00:29:02.600 If you don't have people around you

00:29:04.120 and you can't go to the police,

00:29:05.320 then I'm more concerned

00:29:06.600 that there's men around here

00:29:07.680 and doing things to women

00:29:08.640 because I keep hearing this

00:29:09.680 and this is not how I was raised.

00:29:11.100 So I'm like,

00:29:11.560 what can we do to stop this?

00:29:13.640 And whenever I...

00:29:14.120 But whenever I try to speak

00:29:16.300 about what can we do to stop this

00:29:17.560 or what can we do

00:29:18.200 to at least bring more awareness to this?

00:29:19.620 It just goes round and round and round.

00:29:21.520 A suggestion of what people can do

00:29:22.880 to stop this is perhaps,

00:29:24.580 okay, right,

00:29:25.120 something's awful has happened to you.

00:29:26.880 You don't feel like you can say it, right?

00:29:29.720 You don't feel like you have

00:29:30.980 that safe space to say it.

00:29:32.500 So you hold on to it.

00:29:33.560 It becomes an internal trauma

00:29:35.120 and then when someone mentioned it to you,

00:29:37.160 you fly off the handle.

00:29:38.340 That's how most people

00:29:39.280 handle these situations.

00:29:40.340 But what you're saying is,

00:29:41.920 what can I do?

00:29:42.660 So when someone flies off the handle,

00:29:44.620 yeah,

00:29:44.840 don't come up with them with maths.

00:29:47.000 Come at them from,

00:29:47.940 I understand that you're,

00:29:51.700 this reaction comes from

00:29:53.380 a place of fear and anger.

00:29:54.900 You're asking him

00:29:55.560 to communicate like a woman,

00:29:56.920 he's a man.

00:29:57.960 No, no, no.

00:29:58.660 In fact,

00:29:59.120 I'm asking him

00:29:59.760 to just communicate with me.

00:30:01.680 No, you're asking him

00:30:03.200 to communicate like a woman.

00:30:04.300 You're putting different variances

00:30:06.080 on the word.

00:30:06.780 Let me, let me,

00:30:07.280 sorry, sorry,

00:30:07.780 one second.

00:30:08.360 Again, we come to the dichotomy of words.

00:30:10.860 One second.

00:30:11.820 I think this is interesting.

00:30:13.320 It goes back to macho-ness

00:30:14.540 and like, you know,

00:30:15.680 dominance of men

00:30:16.800 over paro-women.

00:30:18.040 Toxic masculinity.

00:30:19.580 If you can't speak

00:30:20.260 in a, you know,

00:30:21.320 in a very subtle manner

00:30:22.720 or you can't divert

00:30:23.740 your vocabulary.

00:30:24.780 Alex, Alex,

00:30:25.280 you're going to jump in after me,

00:30:26.280 but hold on a second,

00:30:27.020 what you're doing is what?

00:30:28.100 See, okay,

00:30:28.700 so you're doing tone police

00:30:30.080 and we get this

00:30:30.680 every single week.

00:30:31.720 No, because you've literally

00:30:32.840 just done what the girl did

00:30:33.820 the last week

00:30:34.400 and the girl did the last week.

00:30:35.380 If you go look at my story

00:30:36.380 on TikTok,

00:30:36.860 it's going viral.

00:30:37.840 Every single time

00:30:38.980 a man speaks,

00:30:40.060 I have a woman.

00:30:40.700 No, it's every time

00:30:41.120 a man makes a point.

00:30:42.400 It's every time

00:30:43.060 a man makes a point,

00:30:43.980 now it's your tone.

00:30:44.680 So, hold on.

00:30:45.620 I wasn't even trying to...

00:30:46.320 No, no, but what I'm trying to...

00:30:47.160 Let me come in.

00:30:48.080 Alex, let me just say,

00:30:48.860 and you can just literally

00:30:49.480 come after me.

00:30:50.120 Po, we'll let you go.

00:30:50.920 But the reason I want to speak

00:30:51.900 about this,

00:30:52.300 because men, we speak direct.

00:30:53.520 We are not women.

00:30:54.680 I understand that.

00:30:55.440 Okay, so we have

00:30:56.080 a different vocal tone.

00:30:57.280 We have a different base in it, right?

00:31:03.820 I'm going around

00:31:04.320 to get to the bottom of something.

00:31:05.480 I completely understand

00:31:06.340 what you're saying,

00:31:06.980 but when you speak

00:31:07.600 about men's tone,

00:31:08.860 we are not women.

00:31:10.580 And you don't want us

00:31:11.380 to be women.

00:31:11.920 That's the point

00:31:12.380 that I was making.

00:31:13.020 I thought you didn't understand

00:31:14.900 what I was trying to say.

00:31:16.320 Pearl was saying that

00:31:17.020 she was basically

00:31:17.760 trying to make you speak

00:31:18.580 as if you was a female

00:31:19.440 and that's something

00:31:19.840 you can't do.

00:31:20.600 Okay, cool, cool.

00:31:21.300 That's part of it,

00:31:22.240 is the reason of this whole topic,

00:31:24.140 which is men harassment

00:31:25.640 within the workplace

00:31:26.820 and what we were saying

00:31:27.500 about how men can come across

00:31:28.820 towards women

00:31:29.540 when we are in a situation.

00:31:30.520 Do you think,

00:31:31.100 Alex, you'll just take this for me.

00:31:32.240 You can't...

00:31:33.200 What's the word?

00:31:34.040 You can't adapt.

00:31:37.480 That's the word I'm looking for.

00:31:38.060 Do you feel I'm not

00:31:38.560 being sensitive to her?

00:31:39.620 No, it's adapting.

00:31:41.140 Adaptation.

00:31:41.600 You can't adapt.

00:31:42.220 You're not even choosing

00:31:42.760 to be on a level

00:31:43.860 to be like,

00:31:44.440 let me try and work out.

00:31:46.100 No one's telling you

00:31:46.460 to be a female

00:31:46.860 because physically you can't be.

00:31:48.020 We understand that,

00:31:48.860 but there's a part of your brain

00:31:49.880 that can click

00:31:50.580 and try and understand

00:31:52.000 how to come across

00:31:53.800 a bit subtle towards a female.

00:31:55.440 What you want me to do...

00:31:57.240 Diversity is the key.

00:31:58.300 What you want me to do...

00:32:00.200 Centralise.

00:32:01.060 I'm trying to say

00:32:01.680 you should talk in a tone.

00:32:02.480 No, because basically

00:32:03.540 what you want me to do

00:32:04.440 is you want me to basically

00:32:05.680 tiptoe around this whole...

00:32:06.920 I don't want you to.

00:32:07.220 No, because basically

00:32:08.020 all I've done is

00:32:08.920 simply ask her a question.

00:32:10.340 I've listened to what you've said.

00:32:11.440 I've asked you,

00:32:11.900 why didn't you report it?

00:32:12.780 You've told me

00:32:13.100 you couldn't go to the police.

00:32:13.860 You've told me you've got scars.

00:32:14.820 You've told me

00:32:15.280 all the different things, yeah?

00:32:16.580 Cool.

00:32:16.880 But if there's...

00:32:17.800 My concern is

00:32:18.780 is that when this happens,

00:32:20.440 women don't

00:32:21.040 and there's men

00:32:21.540 that's walking around

00:32:22.300 and it's continuing

00:32:22.720 to happen to.

00:32:23.300 So when I say,

00:32:24.000 what can we do?

00:32:25.240 Yeah,

00:32:25.440 because with the girl

00:32:25.960 in your situation now

00:32:26.860 and she hasn't got brothers,

00:32:32.480 someone just gave you

00:32:33.580 an example of what you can do.

00:32:38.020 Someone just gave you

00:32:38.880 an example of what you can do.

00:32:39.720 As a man,

00:32:40.260 what you could do

00:32:40.880 for a woman

00:32:41.720 or a young girl

00:32:42.480 in that situation.

00:32:43.720 Someone else is giving you

00:32:44.620 an example of what you can do.

00:32:45.960 I was asked what I'd advise

00:32:47.260 other young people

00:32:48.180 in this situation to do.

00:32:50.060 So if you are asking a question,

00:32:52.280 feel free to listen

00:32:53.240 to some options.

00:32:54.520 You don't have to take them on

00:32:55.480 as I think these are valid examples.

00:32:57.160 I'm listening.

00:32:58.040 There's even an advert on TV

00:32:59.260 that states exactly this

00:33:00.380 where it's like

00:33:00.880 a guy's in the park

00:33:02.240 with his friends.

00:33:02.900 A woman walks past,

00:33:03.960 a guy turns around

00:33:04.580 and starts rubbernecking.

00:33:05.580 Oh yeah, nice one.

00:33:07.460 Rubbernecking is like

00:33:08.140 a saying of when a guy

00:33:09.220 breaks his neck

00:33:10.140 to put jesters at a woman

00:33:11.480 or just throw things out.

00:33:12.900 Throw things out?

00:33:13.700 Yeah, throw things out verbally

00:33:14.880 like messages.

00:33:16.640 Oh, he catcalls.

00:33:20.280 There's so many different

00:33:21.180 terminologies

00:33:21.980 but rubbernecking

00:33:22.500 is a terminology.

00:33:23.580 Obviously,

00:33:23.820 catcalling is another terminology.

00:33:24.940 Wait,

00:33:25.480 what does the catcalling

00:33:26.320 have to do with them?

00:33:27.080 Catcalling is more

00:33:27.920 a vocalization

00:33:28.700 whereas the rubbernecking

00:33:29.700 is the turning of the neck.

00:33:30.940 Yeah, but it was both.

00:33:31.820 That's my point.

00:33:32.520 Oh, it's like when they're like,

00:33:33.240 damn.

00:33:33.420 Yes, that's what I'm trying to say.

00:33:35.160 Is that bad?

00:33:36.840 No, I'm trying to land.

00:33:38.660 I'm just asking.

00:33:39.340 Not necessarily that's a bad

00:33:40.400 or a good thing

00:33:40.900 but the point I'm trying to make

00:33:41.780 is the advert was stating

00:33:43.020 sexual harassment

00:33:43.760 and they were saying that

00:33:44.740 basically within that situation,

00:33:46.480 let me land quickly,

00:33:47.720 the guy turned around

00:33:48.620 and his friend basically

00:33:49.360 was like to him,

00:33:49.880 like, don't do that.

00:33:50.620 He stepped in

00:33:51.520 and allowed him to understand

00:33:53.020 that maybe that woman

00:33:53.760 might feel it's inappropriate.

00:33:54.660 Maybe to his mind,

00:33:55.760 he's just like,

00:33:56.260 oh, what's your number?

00:33:56.940 You look nice.

00:33:57.480 Them jeans look tight

00:33:58.520 or whatever he's going to say.

00:33:59.520 Do you feel that's SA?

00:34:00.380 To me personally,

00:34:01.680 I've got a bit of a stronger

00:34:03.260 exterior and interior

00:34:04.420 so those things

00:34:05.800 don't really faze me

00:34:06.440 depending on how I'm approached.

00:34:07.780 So for myself, no.

00:34:08.760 But for another woman

00:34:09.440 that's a bit more fragile

00:34:10.520 than me, a bit less.

00:34:11.220 Do you think that's confusing

00:34:12.460 for men?

00:34:13.220 It can be at times

00:34:14.120 but some women accept that.

00:34:15.220 Like even with the workplace,

00:34:16.440 the number one,

00:34:17.220 before dating apps,

00:34:19.060 the number one place

00:34:20.300 that people would meet

00:34:21.140 was work.

00:34:22.200 So it's kind of confusing

00:34:23.540 because sometimes

00:34:24.740 girls are into it

00:34:27.440 when their bosses

00:34:28.000 hit on them.

00:34:28.640 This is the thing.

00:34:29.220 And like another times

00:34:30.200 like girls actively

00:34:31.160 seek out their bosses

00:34:32.160 and try to sleep with them.

00:34:34.120 But is it not about

00:34:35.040 reading the room?

00:34:36.380 Women are different.

00:34:37.300 Read the room.

00:34:38.100 Yeah.

00:34:38.740 What do you mean?

00:34:39.780 Like for example,

00:34:40.920 if there's a female

00:34:42.040 who's interested in her boss,

00:34:43.720 that's different to a female

00:34:44.820 who the male manager

00:34:46.420 needs to read the room

00:34:47.420 that that colleague

00:34:48.800 is not interested.

00:34:49.720 Do you think girls

00:34:50.380 ever give mixed signals

00:34:52.480 or flirt for attention?

00:34:54.600 Yes, we definitely do.

00:34:55.380 I don't know.

00:34:56.220 Who said we definitely?

00:34:58.200 So do you think

00:34:58.720 that's confusing for men?

00:35:00.300 I feel like women

00:35:01.740 have sexual appeal.

00:35:04.040 Like we have sexual attractions

00:35:05.020 that we can, you know,

00:35:06.380 sometimes put out

00:35:07.200 consciously or unconsciously

00:35:08.600 to male counterparts

00:35:09.580 and they can take it

00:35:10.960 upon themselves

00:35:11.500 to decide whether

00:35:12.200 it's deliberate

00:35:12.640 or, you know,

00:35:13.760 she just accidentally

00:35:14.800 walked past me

00:35:15.400 and her bum was shaking.

00:35:16.660 Was she shaking her bum

00:35:17.720 when she was walking past me?

00:35:18.540 Right, but I'm saying

00:35:19.260 like one girl,

00:35:20.760 you know,

00:35:21.060 he might turn and say,

00:35:22.080 damn,

00:35:22.360 and one girl might think

00:35:23.380 that's disgusting

00:35:24.180 and be traumatized

00:35:25.580 and one girl might be like,

00:35:26.980 okay, you know,

00:35:27.820 and so you don't think

00:35:28.660 that's confusing for men?

00:35:29.680 It can be,

00:35:30.240 but I feel like

00:35:30.620 that's where you then

00:35:31.320 break the ice

00:35:31.860 with vocalization.

00:35:33.640 You start vocalizing

00:35:34.260 like, rather,

00:35:34.780 do you, you know,

00:35:36.140 do you feel comfortable

00:35:36.860 with what I'm saying?

00:35:37.440 Or, you know,

00:35:37.720 you try to break the ice.

00:35:38.480 Some guys don't tend

00:35:39.680 to go into it.

00:35:40.360 They just keep it

00:35:40.860 at that level of,

00:35:41.480 you know,

00:35:42.260 snappiness.

00:35:43.100 Like they're trying

00:35:43.480 to be charming

00:35:43.920 or witty

00:35:44.300 or whatever it is.

00:35:45.220 Where other guys

00:35:45.840 have a bit more context

00:35:46.640 to them,

00:35:46.980 they will be like,

00:35:47.700 you know,

00:35:47.940 I would like to speak to you

00:35:48.800 or, you know,

00:35:49.140 I thought that comment

00:35:50.100 would be, you know,

00:35:50.720 something that would

00:35:51.080 get your attention.

00:35:51.520 This is why I don't

00:35:52.260 move to girls.

00:35:52.820 I said it before

00:35:53.300 I said it to Cameron.

00:35:53.980 No, I don't.

00:35:54.720 No, I don't move to girls.

00:35:55.840 I haven't moved.

00:35:56.220 I haven't moved.

00:35:57.460 How do you meet me?

00:36:00.980 I'll tell you,

00:36:01.680 girls move to me.

00:36:02.560 How did you find

00:36:03.560 your girl?

00:36:04.060 No, so,

00:36:04.960 no, I'm being serious.

00:36:06.140 I'm not joking.

00:36:07.020 Girls move to me.

00:36:07.720 I haven't moved to girls

00:36:08.540 in the longest time.

00:36:09.680 How do you feel about that?

00:36:10.960 Do you feel like

00:36:11.240 you're being sexually harassed

00:36:12.100 or maybe put upon

00:36:12.940 moving to you?

00:36:14.140 How do they move to you?

00:36:14.760 Like, grab your thigh?

00:36:15.560 No, see,

00:36:16.360 I'm just wondering.

00:36:17.080 So when a man moves to you,

00:36:18.440 how does he grab your thigh?

00:36:19.320 And some guys

00:36:20.280 have done different

00:36:21.000 actions.

00:36:21.100 But that's not moving to you.

00:36:21.800 Everyone is different.

00:36:22.640 Is it not?

00:36:23.200 That might be in his mind.

00:36:24.300 That might be his level

00:36:25.240 of conversation to move to you.

00:36:26.080 Okay, okay.

00:36:26.400 I think if you don't know

00:36:27.700 how to approach someone,

00:36:28.700 if you have to,

00:36:29.140 if I move up to a girl,

00:36:30.420 I don't know

00:36:30.780 and I'll grab her thigh,

00:36:31.680 what do you think

00:36:32.040 is going to happen to me?

00:36:32.700 We're just speaking about this.

00:36:33.480 So let's just take that away.

00:36:34.780 If you allow...

00:36:35.320 But Carl just said

00:36:35.900 a girl might accept that

00:36:36.880 and another girl might not.

00:36:37.660 No, but no man should be...

00:36:38.960 No man...

00:36:39.520 Okay, guys,

00:36:40.100 let me put in the camera.

00:36:41.020 They're over set the mark.

00:36:41.900 So when you say guys do,

00:36:43.340 it's some guys,

00:36:44.580 the guys you deal with.

00:36:45.520 I would never go...

00:36:46.100 No, I've never dealt

00:36:46.440 with a guy that's ever done that.

00:36:47.340 Okay, so then

00:36:47.900 who are we talking about?

00:36:49.660 I'm giving experiences

00:36:50.720 and obviously I've been

00:36:51.500 in this lifetime

00:36:52.560 for a while

00:36:53.320 to have experiences

00:36:54.220 and see things.

00:36:55.140 You know,

00:36:55.260 not necessarily

00:36:55.660 every experience

00:36:56.480 is my personal experience.

00:36:57.700 It might be a bad curious experience

00:36:58.660 through someone else's life,

00:36:59.560 you know?

00:37:00.040 But I think,

00:37:00.580 okay, so when we're talking

00:37:01.600 about experience,

00:37:02.260 let's try and keep

00:37:02.820 to what we know

00:37:03.680 and what's happened to us.

00:37:04.620 What I know is that

00:37:05.100 men are very forward

00:37:05.980 and at times

00:37:06.760 when they're being forward

00:37:07.320 they're not thinking.

00:37:07.960 Some men...

00:37:08.600 I can only talk of men

00:37:09.460 as a species.

00:37:11.220 No, because when I say,

00:37:12.700 okay, for example,

00:37:13.280 when we say women,

00:37:13.900 we say modern women

00:37:14.680 because we're not speaking

00:37:15.300 about all women.

00:37:16.040 And when we speak...

00:37:16.520 Well, modern men,

00:37:17.600 a lot of modern men

00:37:18.340 are very forward,

00:37:19.120 especially with the lifestyle

00:37:20.380 and living

00:37:20.760 that has been accommodated

00:37:22.140 these days.

00:37:22.820 They're very forward

00:37:23.480 with their personas,

00:37:25.560 should I say,

00:37:25.920 the way they want to move.

00:37:26.840 And I feel like

00:37:27.460 they have to uphold

00:37:28.180 a certain level

00:37:29.460 of interaction

00:37:30.540 to make it

00:37:31.600 make sense in their minds.

00:37:32.520 Not necessarily

00:37:32.880 that it needs to make sense

00:37:33.520 in the actual physicality.

00:37:35.240 In their minds,

00:37:35.800 it looks good.

00:37:36.420 Okay, so let me get back

00:37:37.380 to when I was talking

00:37:37.920 about I'm not moving to girls.

00:37:39.200 So, especially with

00:37:39.920 the whole Me Too movement,

00:37:40.960 yeah, what's happening

00:37:41.760 now is, yeah,

00:37:42.680 like this is...

00:37:43.340 I've always been this way

00:37:44.400 before, but I'm going

00:37:45.340 to say to men,

00:37:45.920 the reason why...

00:37:47.140 So, we don't know

00:37:48.380 what...

00:37:48.900 For one woman,

00:37:49.720 it's okay to, you know,

00:37:51.040 pull up on and say,

00:37:51.780 do the whole Chris Brown thing,

00:37:52.940 excuse me, miss...

00:37:53.560 Yeah, the whole 90s R&B,

00:37:55.600 like pull up on the car.

00:37:57.020 It might be cute.

00:37:57.400 It might be cute for you.

00:37:58.640 For another woman,

00:37:59.580 it might be a red flag.

00:38:00.720 It might trigger trauma, right?

00:38:02.240 So, it's pretty safe

00:38:03.780 for me to say that

00:38:04.600 if you want a man

00:38:05.800 to come up to you,

00:38:06.700 and this is what women

00:38:07.260 used to do of old,

00:38:07.980 you would let a man know.

00:38:08.800 There's a lot of ways

00:38:09.540 that a woman can let a man know

00:38:10.780 that she wants him

00:38:11.600 to come up to us.

00:38:12.260 She can...

00:38:12.640 You know, you...

00:38:13.320 Listen, we have all these women here.

00:38:14.640 I'm sure if you want

00:38:15.280 to let a man know

00:38:15.960 to approach you,

00:38:16.520 you know how to do it.

00:38:17.480 Women have been doing this forever, right?

00:38:18.720 You can look at a man,

00:38:19.760 you can smile at a man,

00:38:20.820 you can wink,

00:38:21.120 you can even walk past him

00:38:22.060 and drop something

00:38:22.600 and make him pick it up

00:38:23.360 and make him come to get it

00:38:24.300 and then you can do that, right?

00:38:25.800 Women know how to make

00:38:26.920 a man know to approach you.

00:38:27.720 That's the difference between

00:38:28.480 a random girl walking past me

00:38:30.200 and me trying to grab up her arm

00:38:31.220 and say, excuse me.

00:38:31.900 She's like, who are you?

00:38:32.680 She's going about her business.

00:38:34.280 It's called yes and no.

00:38:36.040 What do you mean?

00:38:36.420 It's a simple yes and no.

00:38:37.760 What do you mean?

00:38:38.400 What do you mean?

00:38:38.900 What do I mean?

00:38:39.960 You're saying that a woman

00:38:41.060 lets you know

00:38:41.800 whether she's interested.

00:38:42.540 Yes, yo, come.

00:38:44.120 No, I'm not interested.

00:38:45.200 It's a simple yes or no.

00:38:46.180 No, no.

00:38:46.460 So, as a woman, yeah,

00:38:48.000 as a woman,

00:38:48.540 I don't even have to get to that point.

00:38:49.760 I don't have to approach you.

00:38:50.960 You can literally look at me

00:38:52.020 and if you look at me

00:38:53.280 in a way that you want me to...

00:38:54.020 Okay, so if I give you

00:38:54.280 a look right now,

00:38:55.000 that makes you feel like I like you,

00:38:56.120 what's happening?

00:38:57.020 I'll approach you.

00:38:58.180 Approach me how?

00:38:59.060 What do you mean?

00:38:59.280 What's your approach?

00:38:59.960 What I said, what's your approach?

00:39:01.340 I've winked at you.

00:39:02.300 I don't know.

00:39:02.660 I start licking my lips.

00:39:03.680 I don't know.

00:39:04.000 I'll be like, I'll be like,

00:39:04.640 I'll be like,

00:39:05.420 do you need some Vaseline?

00:39:07.320 Clearly, I've already got gloss,

00:39:08.360 so is that what I'm saying?

00:39:08.900 No, but you're licking your...

00:39:09.980 No, no, no.

00:39:11.620 You asked me.

00:39:12.180 No, you stop.

00:39:12.720 Stop it.

00:39:13.140 Stop it.

00:39:13.420 I feel I'm scared.

00:39:14.120 No, no, no.

00:39:16.180 Pearl, hold on.

00:39:17.040 Hold on a second.

00:39:17.820 We're not on the original topic.

00:39:20.160 We need to move on.

00:39:20.920 Okay.

00:39:21.380 Okay, so what about you?

00:39:23.860 With...

00:39:24.180 Oh, wait, no.

00:39:24.560 You were next.

00:39:25.220 You were next, right?

00:39:26.500 Did you go?

00:39:27.040 Because we're talking about...

00:39:28.320 Yeah, okay.

00:39:28.840 What is your overall experience

00:39:30.080 with female leadership

00:39:31.000 compared with male leadership

00:39:32.180 in your industry?

00:39:34.320 I'll be brief.

00:39:35.860 Ladiol.

00:39:38.460 That's how far we went off it.

00:39:39.860 I'll be brief.

00:39:40.340 So far.

00:39:41.000 Ow!

00:39:42.720 I've had both.

00:39:44.900 I enjoy men.

00:39:46.280 I personally respect men's decision-making.

00:39:48.920 It's quicker.

00:39:49.680 It's less layers.

00:39:50.980 It's less fuss.

00:39:52.540 I don't care if you can't do something

00:39:53.640 because you're on your period.

00:39:54.440 Let's move.

00:39:55.420 Thank you.

00:39:56.100 It's extremely exhausting

00:39:57.720 when, especially in a business place,

00:39:59.660 we need to make decisions quick

00:40:00.940 and we need to be innovative.

00:40:02.700 So with women,

00:40:03.900 I'm not saying they're not these things,

00:40:05.040 but it takes them longer

00:40:05.760 to make that decision to be innovative.

00:40:07.520 It takes them longer to make a decision.

00:40:09.100 The decision keeps changing.

00:40:11.280 I'm not saying men

00:40:12.100 and don't have that capacity,

00:40:13.240 but that capacity seems to be shorter,

00:40:15.100 which is what I enjoy more.

00:40:17.860 I've experienced...

00:40:19.740 Do you feel that way about yourself?

00:40:21.520 What do you mean?

00:40:22.140 What you just said about women leaders.

00:40:24.200 Yeah, I wouldn't...

00:40:25.740 Yep.

00:40:26.140 I wouldn't want to...

00:40:27.740 I would be my own boss

00:40:29.460 if I had to...

00:40:30.860 So much.

00:40:31.940 If I had to lead,

00:40:34.460 I would prefer a male boss.

00:40:36.460 That's just me.

00:40:38.420 Like, I'm just like,

00:40:39.620 I do what I do.

00:40:40.800 You do what you do.

00:40:41.740 I agree with you.

00:40:42.500 I just think they're better at it.

00:40:43.620 Yeah, I just prefer my feminine power

00:40:46.480 to be...

00:40:47.720 I feel like they need me

00:40:48.840 and I need them.

00:40:50.180 I don't even...

00:40:51.320 Just because his title is more,

00:40:53.640 I'm like...

00:40:54.900 I'm the underdog.

00:40:55.900 He can't do nothing without me.

00:40:57.500 Okay?

00:40:58.160 This man needs me.

00:40:59.340 Men need women.

00:41:03.080 I'm so confident in that fact

00:41:04.700 of men needing women.

00:41:06.220 I'm chilled.

00:41:07.200 Women need men.

00:41:08.580 I'm chilled.

00:41:09.780 Like, cool.

00:41:10.820 If you need to have...

00:41:11.780 Have the title, darling.

00:41:13.360 I don't mind.

00:41:14.460 Is money coming in?

00:41:16.840 Love it.

00:41:17.560 I've had inappropriate on both ends,

00:41:20.120 male and female.

00:41:21.280 The female inappropriateness

00:41:22.700 was the bullying,

00:41:24.460 the patronising,

00:41:26.120 the being weird with other people

00:41:28.060 and the gossiping.

00:41:29.000 That's what I didn't like.

00:41:30.220 There was a lack of integrity.

00:41:31.760 Like, why are you spreading

00:41:32.780 these beautiful girls' business?

00:41:34.700 Isn't that mad?

00:41:35.400 80% of bullying is from women?

00:41:38.260 I believe it.

00:41:39.040 When I heard the statistics,

00:41:40.080 it made sense to me.

00:41:41.640 That's over 60,000...

00:41:43.160 Like, 60,000 people took that.

00:41:44.960 I believe that.

00:41:45.700 I genuinely believe that.

00:41:47.000 They just be weird.

00:41:49.600 But inappropriate with the men,

00:41:51.280 it's been flirting.

00:41:52.380 Or sometimes it's just...

00:41:54.040 The inappropriateness for me

00:41:55.400 is you're really chilling,

00:41:57.460 like, scratching your balls

00:41:58.960 at the top

00:41:59.580 because you're like,

00:42:00.820 I'm the man sort of thing.

00:42:02.160 And I feel like that's inappropriate.

00:42:03.520 What do you mean chilling,

00:42:04.860 scratching their...

00:42:05.520 People at the top work like 80...

00:42:07.520 Like, my dad is one of those CEOs.

00:42:09.860 He works 80 hours a week

00:42:10.900 my whole life.

00:42:11.640 And respect to your dad,

00:42:12.940 but that's your dad.

00:42:14.620 Some people get to the top

00:42:15.980 and start chilling

00:42:17.680 and they just...

00:42:18.940 Like, I'm not saying

00:42:19.560 your job isn't to chill

00:42:20.700 because you've worked your way.

00:42:21.680 It should be smarter,

00:42:22.580 not harder at that point.

00:42:23.540 But I mean,

00:42:24.480 scratching their balls

00:42:25.260 is like taking a way

00:42:26.800 too relaxed approach.

00:42:28.700 Do you know these men?

00:42:29.960 And like the 1%,

00:42:31.300 2%, 3%?

00:42:32.760 What do you mean?

00:42:33.420 Like, do you know them personally?

00:42:35.160 Yeah, I've worked for just like two.

00:42:37.140 But the inappropriateness was like,

00:42:38.300 one was really relaxed

00:42:39.220 and just taking drugs.

00:42:40.920 Like, drugs.

00:42:41.720 Oh, yeah, drugs are ready.

00:42:42.900 You're going in, buddy.

00:42:45.080 Like, hello.

00:42:46.280 We have a restaurant to run.

00:42:48.780 Hello.

00:42:49.480 And because he's the boss

00:42:50.720 and he's at the top,

00:42:51.640 where I find women to be

00:42:53.420 not more scared,

00:42:54.280 but they would think

00:42:54.980 in way more layers

00:42:56.100 than to do that.

00:42:57.160 Men is just like,

00:42:57.760 I'm risking it for the biscuit.

00:42:59.080 And that's all I have to say.

00:42:59.800 Yeah, men are more risky.

00:43:01.160 I agree with you.

00:43:02.060 Even when you think about FMCG

00:43:04.120 and you go above

00:43:05.200 on a few levels

00:43:06.120 and, okay,

00:43:06.800 there are less women there.

00:43:08.560 And they are looked upon...

00:43:09.280 At what?

00:43:09.640 Wait, say that again.

00:43:10.300 Sorry.

00:43:11.160 I don't know what FMC...

00:43:12.480 Sorry.

00:43:12.880 Is that a British thing?

00:43:13.860 This is a British thing.

00:43:14.640 Is it like a business type?

00:43:16.440 Yeah, sorry.

00:43:17.220 FOSS is an acronym.

00:43:18.380 I'm sorry.

00:43:18.940 I should put like five pound

00:43:20.280 in a jar to tell everybody.

00:43:21.820 I am the worst person

00:43:22.800 I do at work as well.

00:43:23.960 And now I've done it

00:43:25.480 just in front of many people.

00:43:27.160 Fast moving consumer goods.

00:43:28.880 So you have to be able

00:43:29.740 to make decisions quickly.

00:43:31.160 You have to be innovative.

00:43:32.640 I work in that role right now.

00:43:34.020 I just feel like women

00:43:34.920 are getting a really bad

00:43:36.000 bum deal out of this.

00:43:37.660 The harder we work,

00:43:38.660 the higher we go.

00:43:39.820 We're still dicks

00:43:40.720 because we have to behave

00:43:41.900 in the same way,

00:43:42.560 but not the same way.

00:43:43.600 Like I'm doing it.

00:43:44.720 I'm living it.

00:43:45.340 Like I really think

00:43:46.120 it's not that deep guys.

00:43:47.200 Like it doesn't matter

00:43:47.860 what you have.

00:43:49.000 Just get on with it.

00:43:49.820 JFDI, just fucking do it.

00:43:51.560 Like let's go.

00:43:53.240 I just...

00:43:54.480 What do you mean?

00:43:55.360 Like I just find

00:43:56.300 that this whole dichotomy

00:43:58.320 between men and women

00:43:59.320 and like it just,

00:44:00.580 if they're a bad boss,

00:44:01.800 they're a bad boss.

00:44:02.900 It doesn't matter.

00:44:03.780 Well, I think it's,

00:44:04.740 what's interesting

00:44:05.380 is that women,

00:44:06.460 men, most men

00:44:07.420 say they don't have a preference.

00:44:08.800 It was like 50-50

00:44:09.800 where women say

00:44:11.320 they don't like working for women.

00:44:13.060 Yeah.

00:44:13.420 So it's...

00:44:14.560 I don't know.

00:44:15.220 And maybe I have a difficulty

00:44:16.400 with personal experience

00:44:18.040 but I've had a bad woman boss

00:44:20.140 and I've had a bad man boss

00:44:21.720 but I've had lots of bosses

00:44:22.800 and I've been a boss

00:44:23.860 and my personal experience

00:44:25.440 is that if you're a dick,

00:44:27.320 you're a dick.

00:44:27.780 It doesn't matter

00:44:28.560 what genitalia you have.

00:44:29.900 You're going to be a dick.

00:44:31.420 Okay.

00:44:31.940 What do you think?

00:44:32.480 Well, yeah, I agree

00:44:34.240 realistically on that point.

00:44:36.060 I have very limited

00:44:37.440 personal experience

00:44:38.500 but I've had, yeah, both.

00:44:42.600 Like, realistically,

00:44:43.700 my experience,

00:44:45.240 the female, like,

00:44:46.980 on-site manager

00:44:47.560 was horrible.

00:44:50.000 Like, personal,

00:44:50.840 like, going to personal topics

00:44:53.120 but that was on the situation.

00:44:55.620 To be honest,

00:44:56.100 I think it's just dependent

00:44:57.020 on the person realistically

00:44:58.260 because there are different experiences

00:45:00.320 from everybody here

00:45:01.320 about a male manager

00:45:03.240 being inappropriate,

00:45:04.940 female manager being inappropriate.

00:45:06.460 I know we're generalising

00:45:07.440 but I just think, yeah,

00:45:09.820 it's dependent on the person realistically.

00:45:11.580 My experience,

00:45:13.060 my manager was a male.

00:45:17.200 He was fine

00:45:17.860 but he was in a relationship.

00:45:18.920 It's very different, like,

00:45:21.020 you know, scenes

00:45:22.640 but on-site female manager

00:45:25.120 wasn't great

00:45:25.880 but it was personal,

00:45:27.720 you know,

00:45:28.180 she was older than me.

00:45:29.080 She was jealous in a way

00:45:30.780 of different experiences

00:45:31.860 but I do think

00:45:33.820 if it was a different

00:45:34.700 experience with the...

00:45:37.540 Well, probably with a little girl

00:45:37.840 like you.

00:45:38.820 Yeah, well,

00:45:39.820 it's like,

00:45:41.440 it was, yeah,

00:45:42.460 the experience was very awkward

00:45:44.300 between me and her.

00:45:45.900 It became personal

00:45:46.780 without me wanting it to be at all

00:45:48.880 but, yeah,

00:45:50.960 some people just,

00:45:51.720 some people just,

00:45:52.620 like,

00:45:53.560 they don't care.

00:45:54.600 Sometimes they're just going for it.

00:45:56.300 Hey, I need you guys

00:45:57.620 to stop with the side talking

00:45:58.820 because we can hear it

00:46:00.140 in the mics.

00:46:00.600 Go ahead.

00:46:01.160 Yeah,

00:46:01.520 but realistically,

00:46:03.220 my experience is more

00:46:04.540 and obviously,

00:46:05.740 my female manager

00:46:06.860 wasn't as good

00:46:07.740 as the male.

00:46:08.580 However,

00:46:08.940 I don't think

00:46:09.560 that can speak

00:46:11.040 for everybody

00:46:12.040 and a general experience

00:46:14.020 of,

00:46:15.220 is male management

00:46:17.040 better than female?

00:46:18.500 You know what I mean?

00:46:19.100 Mm-hmm.

00:46:20.040 Okay.

00:46:21.220 What about you?

00:46:23.600 I mean,

00:46:24.140 I don't have much experience

00:46:25.280 but, like,

00:46:25.880 from what I've experienced,

00:46:27.120 I definitely prefer,

00:46:28.200 like,

00:46:28.600 male leadership for sure

00:46:29.920 because I feel,

00:46:31.700 sorry,

00:46:32.520 I feel like it's more

00:46:33.200 of a relaxed environment.

00:46:35.040 Like,

00:46:35.780 with women,

00:46:36.480 it's always,

00:46:37.220 oh,

00:46:37.500 this,

00:46:37.800 this,

00:46:38.060 and this,

00:46:38.520 this,

00:46:38.780 and that.

00:46:39.160 It's like,

00:46:39.420 I don't have time for it.

00:46:40.100 We're all here for £10.15

00:46:41.080 and I were, like,

00:46:41.820 we're not, like,

00:46:43.200 you know,

00:46:44.000 much different.

00:46:44.820 So, like,

00:46:45.220 like I said,

00:46:45.600 I don't have much experience

00:46:46.240 but I definitely prefer

00:46:47.140 male leadership.

00:46:48.140 It's more laid back.

00:46:48.900 We can get on with our jobs

00:46:50.020 and that's that.

00:46:50.940 As many of you know,

00:46:51.920 I was just banned on TikTok

00:46:53.980 and we are demonetized

00:46:55.700 on a daily basis

00:46:56.940 on this platform.

00:46:58.980 If you want to help,

00:47:00.220 please consider sending

00:47:01.340 a super thanks below.

00:47:03.300 Every donation helps

00:47:04.600 and it helps make

00:47:05.420 what we do possible.

JustPearlyThings - March 22, 2023

Not Reporting is SELFISH

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