JustPearlyThings - October 30, 2023


Panel ROASTED Her For Being TOXIC to Men


Episode Stats

Length

26 minutes

Words per Minute

202.42354

Word Count

5,301

Sentence Count

97

Misogynist Sentences

16

Hate Speech Sentences

22


Summary


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Wifey things at girlfriend prices, but then they protect and provide possibly. Yeah
00:00:05.220 Okay, so you think a man shouldn't pay
00:00:07.740 Unless he marries you no, I don't think that but if you know
00:00:11.560 I'm choosing to cook and clean you can choose to pay if you want to pay if you don't want to pay
00:00:16.020 I'm not getting on to you about that same way if I don't cook you're not gonna get on to me about that
00:00:19.980 We're not at that level yet. They might get on to you about it. They might
00:00:24.300 They have the choice to but I also have the choice to you know
00:00:27.160 I feel like if you don't display that you can do those things and you're not going to get to that marriage stage
00:00:33.700 Just like looking after the kids not necessarily, but I just mean like the cooking and the cleaning
00:00:38.680 That's a slippery slope because the women then like they want to show you all they've got in their locker
00:00:44.280 And then I was like, oh might as well just chill like this
00:00:47.680 They get used to it
00:00:49.680 Why is it that when women talk about doing stuff for a man the first thing they talk about is cooking and cleaning like a man can't do it himself
00:00:55.200 They never talk about I want to hear but the men can cook and clean nowadays
00:00:59.800 If the man can't cook and clean you shouldn't be with them your husband can cook and clean
00:01:03.380 He's quite capable of looking after himself. So they're just talking about doing something that I'm not gonna really do for himself
00:01:10.600 What's the next suggestion?
00:01:12.600 I don't think there's any right or wrong answer for that. I think everyone's everyone's marriage is gonna be different. I think we're all saying the right things
00:01:18.260 Personally, that's how I feel think just up to each other's life when you're not getting married invite me, please
00:01:24.400 I'd like to see it was like that's all I'm saying invite me to get married. I can't wait for you to get married
00:01:30.020 I'd love you. I can't wait for you to get married. I can't wait for you to get married. I can't wait for your life
00:01:32.860 What would you suggest adding to the resume?
00:01:34.860 I know there's some things that we've been working on like we're making a cookbook. I think they need to
00:01:43.500 Borrow their nieces and nephews during the half term
00:01:46.780 It's half term if they live on their own then get a couple of days off
00:01:50.620 Have them around let the parents just leave them there then get on with it
00:01:54.760 Listen, I understand it's not just cooking and cleaning
00:01:58.080 Like I've for example been a nanny before
00:02:00.740 Give him sex every night as well. Yeah on top of the cooking and cleaning and looking after the kids and
00:02:06.180 Doing the shopping and getting all the delivery done and sorting out all his paperwork. Is that what we were missing sex?
00:02:13.460 What do you think a man would say?
00:02:16.580 That's what merging your life is. You've decided to merge both your lives together and then you just
00:02:22.740 Work through it. Hmm
00:02:25.220 It's not like you have one role and I have one role. We're just we're doing it
00:02:29.020 Whatever fits fits. I do feel mmm. I think in my marriage. I definitely feel like there would be set roles
00:02:38.460 I was gonna say if the man was at home all day and you've got all them kids in that and you're still gonna fit in sex room do
00:02:44.300 Yeah, when they're napping
00:02:46.300 What if they don't nap?
00:02:49.100 There's ways around it
00:02:51.500 Don't help her out
00:02:53.500 I think the kids love like was it cocoa melon and what I was just
00:02:56.740 Cocoa melon. Grace. Grace is cool now.
00:02:59.580 Them walking
00:03:01.580 Them walking, you know, jump around things, whatever. Peppa Pig. All the comments are saying that these answers are very vague
00:03:08.700 I don't even know what they're saying
00:03:12.620 Well, I'm not gonna go into like, you know, sexual detail. Okay, as a non-married woman
00:03:16.540 There's people saying I'm being vague
00:03:19.740 I would wake up
00:03:21.740 Make sure everyone's alive and well
00:03:24.380 I'd start going about my day think about what I'm gonna do if I have children
00:03:27.660 I'm getting them ready if my husband's going to work
00:03:29.660 And I'm still looking after the kids at home
00:03:31.500 He can go off to work. You okay? If you eat and cool
00:03:33.820 Let me know about your day
00:03:35.820 Be on about your way
00:03:36.940 I'll take care of the kids if you've got any stuff coming up try to take them for a walk
00:03:40.700 Hopefully the dishwasher is done by the night before empty it out
00:03:43.980 Go about my business thinking about what I'm gonna cook look in the fridge start preparing that one's watching tv one's in their little walker
00:03:51.580 Go about my day. It's lovely. How's your day as it is now?
00:03:55.740 Don't forget to change your nappies. Living now. All right, let me let me see if this matches, right? Go on
00:04:01.660 You wake up early in the morning. I'm just talking as a grandparent when I've got the grandkids, right?
00:04:06.460 I'll be getting dinner ready the night before so I wake up about four
00:04:09.660 Half four in the morning. Do me meditation for an hour half four in the morning. Not an hour. Oh my gosh
00:04:14.620 You can stay focused for that long. Exactly. That's your problem
00:04:18.620 One hour and I do half past four in the morning
00:04:22.060 And then I will start getting the clothes will be sorted from the night before dinner
00:04:26.540 Breathe from the night before Pearl knows that my dinner's cooked by nine o'clock in the morning
00:04:30.620 And while the dinner's cooking the kids are dressed
00:04:33.020 They wash and they're dressed and then we all have breakfast together
00:04:37.180 And then I might have to take them out or do some kind of work with them like go in the garden and do bits in the garden
00:04:41.980 Then it's lunch then it's painting then it's crafts and you've got to clear up
00:04:46.140 And then you've got to think about calming down everybody have dinner together
00:04:49.740 You still got the washing up. You still got the washing to do. You still got the housework to do and
00:04:54.860 Get the kids ready for bed. So at dinner for the next day spend time with your husband
00:04:58.780 And still got to give him good sex and still wake up early in the morning. Does that sound like like a day?
00:05:04.140 And the extras that you put in because I know you're busier than that. I'm just the grandmother
00:05:08.380 In my head, that's what the day sounds like. I just couldn't I just couldn't get it out because I don't live that life
00:05:14.060 But that's I can imagine. No, I know that's what I'm trying to because it sounds like all wonderful
00:05:18.860 But we're just I just want to show you reality
00:05:21.260 But it's not wonderful. Motherhood tactic
00:05:23.100 Yeah, I don't think it's wonderful at all
00:05:24.620 You've got one baby in one hand you're trying to stir something in the other. I understand that
00:05:27.740 It is wonderful. It's wonderful, but at the same time like I'm not saying it's going to be in this easy smooth ride
00:05:33.820 And I'm just gonna be like oh wake up in the morning
00:05:35.660 I'm gonna look after my kids and like no obviously there are you are going to go through your own internal struggles and battles and mental as well
00:05:43.340 But I'm just saying nobody cares about that when you're a wife and a mother
00:05:45.980 I'm I'm just saying that I don't mind. I want to I want to I want to hear what you wait
00:05:50.380 Could we oh yeah the day? No, I want I want you to go because they've both been married
00:05:54.060 So they could they could both so I want to do the single people first. Okay, um, what kind of wife do you want to be? Oh?
00:06:00.700 Off the sorry I did that thing where you breathe in the mic. I think of the basis of my previous relationships and from what I've learned
00:06:08.540 Because I'm I've never been married. I think
00:06:12.780 I could
00:06:13.980 provide emotional support
00:06:15.980 moral support
00:06:17.420 um
00:06:19.420 Specific
00:06:20.220 Specific so when you say emotional support
00:06:22.300 I need to know exactly what that is if you're gonna come to me and tell me you have a mental disorder
00:06:27.660 Or if you know any
00:06:29.180 Do you want to keep dating guys with mental disorders? No, but you know
00:06:34.060 I don't believe in a perfect person
00:06:36.220 Okay, okay, we're gonna get a sane one
00:06:38.220 Yeah
00:06:39.420 Right, right
00:06:40.220 That's what you want, right?
00:06:41.340 Average guy
00:06:42.220 And I just want someone lovely that doesn't stress me out
00:06:45.900 And if I have that
00:06:47.020 You just picked the guy with the mental disorder
00:06:49.900 I don't looking they just find me maybe maybe it says something about me anyway
00:06:54.940 But okay, right
00:06:56.540 I would provide a safe space for them to be honest with me about anything
00:07:00.220 So we can have conversations rather than arguments. I think that's important. That's really important
00:07:04.620 Okay, so how would you do that? What is that?
00:07:07.180 I'm very good at resonating with people. I can call myself out and self-reflect
00:07:11.420 I have the capacity to do that when I know when I'm wrong
00:07:13.820 So so if he he says something to you then you'll say I was wrong. Yeah, okay
00:07:18.460 If I was wrong, yeah, okay
00:07:20.460 Because no one's gonna die saying that okay, so you're able to say you were wrong
00:07:24.860 Yeah, it's just when you're talking. It's very vague. So i'm just trying to make it more specific
00:07:29.260 Yeah
00:07:29.500 I'll give them the safe space to know that we can have those conversations where they can call me out
00:07:34.220 Or I can call them out and we can come to a conclusion so so you'll say to him. I'll admit when i'm wrong
00:07:39.660 Yeah, okay, so that's the safe space is you'll admit as long as I have that back in return for me to feel yeah
00:07:46.380 Yeah, okay, but you won't do that unless he says I was wrong too
00:07:50.140 I will do that, but I'd expect it back in return. I worded that so incorrectly my back
00:07:54.700 um, so that
00:07:56.300 um, i'm very very very passionate
00:07:58.700 Um, i'm fun
00:08:01.900 So I don't think anyone could be bored around me when they know me. What does your day look like? Thank you as a wife
00:08:07.740 What would your day look like? You wake up this is like this sounds great for a girlfriend
00:08:11.020 As a
00:08:13.500 As a wife, oh god, i've never
00:08:15.500 I haven't got this for a long time. You're applying for a job, right?
00:08:18.300 It's like if we
00:08:19.740 If you're applying for a job, you're gonna have a resume of these are the skills i've had
00:08:23.180 This is the experience I have doing that you might say like
00:08:26.620 Nannied for two years. That'd be great, you know, whatever
00:08:29.500 I have been a nanny actually
00:08:30.940 Okay
00:08:31.500 But doesn't it really kind of depend on the person you're with to answer that question correctly?
00:08:38.140 I mean if I apply I could apply for a shitty job and a good job, but i'm gonna interview the same
00:08:43.260 Yeah, it's your cv what you're what you're bringing to the table
00:08:46.300 Do you mean like you want our answers to be like, I'm gonna cook home-cooked meals and stuff like that
00:08:51.180 I mean, it would be nice to know exactly what home-cooked meal like the more details the better. So, you know
00:08:56.060 As in what would you like?
00:08:57.020 It would predominantly be West Indian food
00:08:58.700 If I loved someone that much to marry them, I would learn to cook what they want to eat
00:09:03.100 I would
00:09:03.660 But my question is what do you know now? So again, this is like going to a job and saying hey
00:09:08.780 I'll learn whatever you want to teach me and then they're like, okay
00:09:11.340 What skills and experience do you have? And you're like, well, I'll learn whatever you say
00:09:16.140 If okay, I'm loyal. I know that I'm very loyal. I'm very honest. I'm very loyal and those are my those are
00:09:22.220 She asked what your day is looking like. Okay. Yeah, all right
00:09:24.700 Um, I think it's okay to say I don't know as well. I don't know my life is very
00:09:30.300 I'm really not that sure. Yeah, that's an okay answer
00:09:33.180 Yeah, I'm in the arts like my life. I'm gonna be honest. My life is chaotic. I wouldn't want to marry me
00:09:38.060 I would not want to marry me. So I haven't actually thought in depth about that question
00:09:41.500 I don't think I'm a good candidate to answer that
00:09:43.820 Okay, do you want to get married there? Yeah
00:09:46.140 I'm in good time, but not for a long time. Okay, we have a school
00:09:54.940 Season two does this is the school have like husbands in my I don't know we're open we
00:10:03.020 Husband school
00:10:06.620 Um, okay, that's that's good. What about you?
00:10:08.780 Oh, she's see you you've had the the privilege of love
00:10:17.260 Um, I think with me
00:10:21.340 I think one word to summarize I think I'm gonna be very transparent as a wife
00:10:26.220 Um, I would say well if you look at like my day-to-day life as of now
00:10:31.260 Like I'm a very busy person like I work a nine-to-five in a very very stressful industry
00:10:35.580 So I'm always out of the house like pretty much five days a week
00:10:39.340 And if it comes to thing where like let's say my husband
00:10:42.780 Likes a freshly cooked meal once I get home. I'm gonna keep it real. Look, I'm tired. I can't cook for you today
00:10:49.980 It would be a thing where like I like to kind of maybe plan ahead
00:10:54.460 Just due to my hectic lifestyle as it is right now. Are you a crock pot
00:10:58.460 Crock pot type of girl
00:11:01.020 No, it means like slow cooker. Yeah, like
00:11:03.020 oh
00:11:09.020 I like my food to taste good. So obviously with that being said yes, I would say I'm a slow cooker because
00:11:13.500 It involves a lot of tlc. So I need to make sure that how many meals would you say you cook a week now?
00:11:18.460 Oh god, uh
00:11:20.140 So like this week how many meals did you cook? I'd say two two. Okay. How many meals did you cook this week, pearl?
00:11:25.980 At least seven
00:11:28.700 At least seven. I've been doing better. She's banned me from takeout. Yeah, that's why I asked her
00:11:35.100 Yeah, um, so I think and I think with me as well. I'm the kind of person like
00:11:40.860 um, when it comes to my emotions, I'm not afraid to hide it
00:11:44.220 I'm gonna like kind of tell you what's up
00:11:46.940 I'm not really kind of
00:11:49.180 Bottle it up because I just don't think it's healthy to bottle things up
00:11:51.820 Do you do you think that's valuable to a guy a girl that's gonna tell him his her feelings all the time?
00:11:57.260 How are you doing this?
00:12:02.220 I'm just asking the question
00:12:04.220 So you're at this job interview. Yeah, and he's saying okay
00:12:08.220 What do you what's on the resume and you say I'm gonna tell you my feelings?
00:12:12.860 And that's how they're gonna hear it. I'm just letting you know. I mean
00:12:16.940 They don't care. Yeah, I mean, I think we
00:12:20.140 I think they care to a degree, but I think you need to kind of
00:12:23.820 Once you got them in the back
00:12:24.860 I think you need to understand them to the point of how you communicate to them
00:12:28.540 I think that's just the best way I can approach it. I think
00:12:33.260 I think with me like
00:12:35.180 I think when it comes to emotions, let's be real like when when it's raw sometimes you don't think things straight away
00:12:39.740 You might just say things and just blah just impulsive and then if that you're trying to express these things to a guy
00:12:45.340 Let's be real. He's probably gonna absorb 50% of what you're saying
00:12:49.740 Not even that 20
00:12:51.740 I think I need to keep up with the times
00:12:55.740 That's just an average figure I had in my head, but you know wait, I'll get back into reality soon
00:12:59.260 Um, but yeah, I think I think that's just one way for me to just kind of summarize everything just being transparent
00:13:05.900 And I mean if it's a thing where like kids are involved and stuff then
00:13:09.900 I don't know
00:13:11.020 Would you quit your you seem like you like your job a lot?
00:13:14.300 You seem very career driven
00:13:16.300 Yeah, I am
00:13:17.260 Yeah, no, and that's fine. Would you quit that to raise kids?
00:13:20.140 Uh
00:13:22.140 No
00:13:24.140 Nah, I don't think I would
00:13:26.140 She's gonna be a working wife
00:13:28.140 Yeah, definitely
00:13:30.140 What's what so then who's gonna raise the kids?
00:13:33.260 Nestle
00:13:34.380 Nestle grandparents, that's what they're there for, no?
00:13:36.380 So you want your parents to raise your kids?
00:13:38.300 I mean
00:13:40.300 Oh God
00:13:42.300 Just say that
00:13:43.740 I mean, it's what it is
00:13:44.860 That's how you do it
00:13:45.740 I don't want them to raise them, but I want I know they're gonna be heavily involved in my kids either your parents or a stranger
00:13:51.260 Oh, that's so true, right?
00:13:53.020 I'm just telling you how men hear it
00:13:55.020 Yeah, that's true
00:13:58.460 Well, it's a hard question
00:13:59.500 It is a very hard question
00:14:00.620 Okay, let me just say I don't know
00:14:01.980 It's really not a hard question
00:14:03.100 It is a hard question when you're a career driven woman, it's a very hard question
00:14:06.860 It's not a hard question
00:14:07.900 It's just a yes or no really
00:14:09.500 It's like it's just the answer maybe doesn't reflect in the way that men would want to hear
00:14:14.140 And also no one's judging you
00:14:16.460 It's just it's how you feel
00:14:17.900 You may even change your mind
00:14:19.180 But for now, if you feel like yes, I'm going to utilize nannies, the school system
00:14:25.580 I'm going to utilize all of what I can afford
00:14:28.380 Because I love my career
00:14:30.220 I liked working, I changed my jobs
00:14:32.060 I mean, yeah, I think
00:14:33.260 I think if I'm being honest now, probably strangers
00:14:36.300 So like nannies and then nurseries and all that stuff
00:14:38.780 But probably strangers getting involved with raising my kids
00:14:41.180 But who knows in future, I could probably change my mindset
00:14:43.980 In the future, you might not be able to afford it
00:14:48.220 The way the prices are now
00:14:49.500 Yeah
00:14:50.220 I had nannies, so it's not
00:14:51.820 Yeah, no, in England, it was about a thousand pound
00:14:55.180 Um
00:14:55.980 A week
00:14:56.620 Yeah
00:14:57.740 Listen, I used to be a nanny
00:14:58.940 Yeah
00:14:59.100 It was good money
00:14:59.500 To put a child
00:15:00.140 To put a child
00:15:01.020 I'm sure
00:15:01.580 I'll be honest
00:15:02.380 Like me growing up, we had all pairs
00:15:04.380 Is that how you pronounce it?
00:15:05.260 Oh, that's what we had
00:15:05.900 Actually, we had the same thing
00:15:07.820 They just
00:15:08.300 Most people don't know that word
00:15:09.660 So I just
00:15:09.980 Yeah, yeah, yeah
00:15:10.940 Oh no
00:15:11.500 Yeah, au pairs are different
00:15:12.540 They're cheap
00:15:13.180 But they live with you
00:15:13.980 They're cheap and they live in
00:15:15.580 Yeah, yeah
00:15:16.380 So
00:15:16.860 They all eat the same way
00:15:18.140 Oh my gosh
00:15:18.620 There's so many stories of like
00:15:21.580 Not what we never had this issue with our au pairs
00:15:24.140 But
00:15:25.660 Au pairs in the area where they would like sleep with the husband
00:15:28.940 Yeah
00:15:29.660 Perk of the job
00:15:30.940 I mean, because you're basically putting a wife in your home
00:15:33.980 No
00:15:34.780 I mean, she's raising your kid
00:15:36.060 She's cooking
00:15:36.940 The risk is there
00:15:37.900 We never had that
00:15:38.780 But we did have one au pair that stole my grandmother's jewelry
00:15:42.700 Oh, yeah, we had
00:15:43.740 We had one that married my cousin
00:15:46.460 Yeah, and one that married my uncle
00:15:47.900 And one that did cam work
00:15:49.180 I mean, we had like 20 years of au pairs
00:15:50.780 Oh my god
00:15:51.180 We had like 20 years of that
00:15:53.180 I have nine siblings
00:15:54.620 So it was like
00:15:55.740 Wow
00:15:56.220 That's ten of you?
00:15:57.740 Yeah, total
00:15:58.860 Busy busy
00:15:59.740 Go
00:16:00.220 You the only girl?
00:16:01.180 No, no
00:16:02.460 I get why you're vocal though
00:16:03.820 Because in a big family you have to be heard
00:16:06.060 Yeah, actually I would say
00:16:07.020 Everyone in my family is entertaining and funny
00:16:08.780 Because it's like
00:16:09.740 Either entertaining or funny
00:16:10.940 Because otherwise you didn't get any attention
00:16:13.420 Yeah
00:16:13.660 You had to be
00:16:14.540 It was a competition
00:16:15.820 And everyone's like good at like
00:16:17.500 Like very good at something
00:16:19.900 Because it was like
00:16:20.540 How else are you going to get your
00:16:21.580 You know, you got six kids
00:16:23.100 Oh my gosh
00:16:23.660 Everyone's performing every day
00:16:25.260 Yeah
00:16:27.420 Okay, thank you
00:16:28.460 Um, okay, tell me about being a wife
00:16:31.500 Your day
00:16:32.300 Yeah, tell me what your day is like
00:16:34.060 So
00:16:34.860 I wake up between 6 and 6.30
00:16:38.060 To do Bible study
00:16:40.700 Um
00:16:41.340 And see my husband off to work
00:16:43.980 And yeah
00:16:45.100 Do you feed him?
00:16:45.820 Before he goes to work?
00:16:47.420 Yeah
00:16:47.660 Oh no, he doesn't like eating in the morning
00:16:49.020 Okay
00:16:49.420 Yeah, he's not fast
00:16:50.540 I mean
00:16:51.180 He might like grab cereal or something
00:16:53.020 But he's not really fast to be honest
00:16:54.780 And I don't make him pack lunch
00:16:55.980 He's just, he's not fast so
00:16:57.900 I used to
00:16:58.460 But he's not fast
00:16:59.900 But um
00:17:01.340 He
00:17:02.300 Yes, I see my husband off
00:17:03.660 And as of six weeks ago
00:17:05.340 My daughter decided she wanted to go secondary school
00:17:08.060 So now I see her off to secondary school
00:17:10.860 And my husband takes her
00:17:12.620 And then after I do my Bible study
00:17:15.900 A child will catch me
00:17:17.500 Go upstairs, brush their teeth
00:17:20.060 Um, get them fed
00:17:21.900 And then um, we'll listen to some music
00:17:24.540 And then after some music
00:17:26.700 Um, and performance time
00:17:28.220 Mommy, watch me
00:17:29.420 Then we'll get into homeschooling
00:17:31.660 So I homeschool three of the kids
00:17:33.580 And then my eldest one goes to
00:17:35.340 How long does that take you every day
00:17:37.180 For the homeschooling?
00:17:37.980 I'm just curious
00:17:38.780 Oh, it varies
00:17:39.980 Ends up
00:17:40.620 Roughly
00:17:41.180 On average
00:17:42.060 About four hours
00:17:43.020 Four hours a day
00:17:43.740 On average, yeah
00:17:44.540 But then it just depends on the kids
00:17:46.780 Sometimes they're not with it
00:17:48.540 So
00:17:48.780 Um
00:17:50.700 Yeah
00:17:51.100 And then it comes to lunchtime
00:17:53.020 Which is around the time where
00:17:55.020 I make lunch
00:17:55.900 I make dinner
00:17:56.940 And then I get the kids to tidy up
00:18:00.380 And then we go out
00:18:01.500 Get their sister from school
00:18:03.340 Then we come back
00:18:04.540 Sister does the homework
00:18:06.940 Her homework
00:18:07.660 Then she tells me her stories
00:18:09.180 And like we have a little bit of
00:18:11.420 Mum and daughter time
00:18:12.940 Kids are playing
00:18:14.300 And then we um, tidy up again
00:18:16.700 Before dad comes home
00:18:18.060 Depending on what I look like
00:18:19.500 I'll either like spruce up
00:18:21.420 Or if I've got stains on my clothes
00:18:23.180 from food
00:18:24.300 I quickly change
00:18:25.500 Just like I look presentable
00:18:27.580 Then we
00:18:28.300 Oh, that's so cute
00:18:28.940 I know
00:18:30.140 We usher husband in
00:18:31.820 Then he comes
00:18:32.620 And then the kids do their
00:18:33.740 whole dancing act
00:18:34.780 Oh, daddy, you watch me
00:18:35.660 This is what I did today
00:18:37.020 And I leave them to it
00:18:38.460 Then he'll join me
00:18:39.580 In the kitchen
00:18:40.300 While I prepare
00:18:42.140 Everyone for dinner
00:18:43.820 And that's when he'll ask me
00:18:46.140 Do you need help with anything?
00:18:47.580 And if I do
00:18:48.620 I'll give him my list
00:18:49.420 If I don't
00:18:50.220 Then he'll go back to the front room
00:18:51.500 After our little chat
00:18:53.020 Then we have dinner
00:18:54.620 And then um, the kids
00:18:57.260 Before the kids go to bed
00:18:58.620 We'll like do
00:19:00.300 Like a devotion all together
00:19:02.700 Um, everyone prays for each other
00:19:05.500 Then the kids go up to bed
00:19:06.700 Then my husband will go up
00:19:07.900 And pray for them
00:19:08.780 And I sit down
00:19:10.620 And protest
00:19:11.420 And protest
00:19:13.420 Then my husband comes back down
00:19:15.180 Then we sit
00:19:15.980 We chill
00:19:16.540 We watch a movie
00:19:17.660 We laugh
00:19:18.220 Whatever
00:19:19.260 And then
00:19:20.780 If I'm being honest
00:19:21.740 He'll probably go up to bed first
00:19:23.260 And then I sit down
00:19:24.780 And protest
00:19:26.460 And then force myself
00:19:27.580 To go to bed
00:19:28.460 When my body's exhausted
00:19:30.220 And then I go to bed
00:19:31.260 And stuff may happen
00:19:33.980 At night
00:19:34.860 Stuff may not happen at night
00:19:36.220 Then I do it all over again
00:19:37.660 And on the weekend
00:19:38.780 Then the step sons come over
00:19:41.020 And then there's football
00:19:42.140 And then there's church
00:19:43.100 And then there's food bank
00:19:45.260 Something's always happening
00:19:46.540 Do you have time to go to the club
00:19:48.060 In between?
00:19:48.700 I'm just curious
00:19:49.580 No, but honestly
00:19:53.340 When me and my husband
00:19:54.300 Want to get to live-o
00:19:56.380 Like we just pick
00:19:57.100 What the date nights
00:19:57.820 Are gonna look like
00:19:59.020 So it's like
00:19:59.580 It could be like
00:20:00.380 A chilled one
00:20:01.260 Or it could be like
00:20:01.900 Oh, let's
00:20:02.700 Are you saying
00:20:03.900 You don't have time
00:20:04.940 To go to the club
00:20:05.820 On the weekends
00:20:06.380 I do not have time
00:20:07.740 To go to the club
00:20:08.620 Oh no, actually
00:20:09.820 I do have a mummy's day off
00:20:11.180 Let me not lie
00:20:11.900 Every day in the week
00:20:14.300 I do have a day off
00:20:15.740 To myself
00:20:16.380 Where I run away
00:20:18.380 And that's usually
00:20:19.260 The day that my husband
00:20:20.140 Works from home
00:20:21.020 So then he'll have the kids
00:20:22.220 And he'll work from home
00:20:23.660 And I'm somewhere
00:20:25.820 With a girlfriend or something
00:20:27.660 But then if that can't work
00:20:29.420 I will book an evening
00:20:30.860 On a weekend
00:20:31.660 And I will
00:20:32.700 Go out with the girls
00:20:33.500 But yeah
00:20:34.620 That's what it looks like
00:20:37.020 Do you go to carnival?
00:20:37.900 No
00:20:39.660 I was just checking
00:20:40.300 I was just checking
00:20:42.860 Really?
00:20:43.260 I thought traditional women
00:20:44.460 Went to carnival
00:20:47.100 Can I ask you
00:20:47.740 Where do you go
00:20:48.540 What's your background
00:20:48.940 Your culture
00:20:49.580 Where do you come from?
00:20:50.300 Ghana
00:20:51.020 Okay
00:20:51.420 We're all from Ghana
00:20:53.660 And what meals can you cook?
00:20:56.380 English meals
00:20:57.180 African meals
00:20:58.380 West Indian meals
00:20:59.420 Indian meals
00:21:02.060 Yeah
00:21:02.620 Yeah
00:21:02.940 Any
00:21:03.180 Well to be honest
00:21:03.900 What
00:21:04.540 If I fancy it
00:21:05.500 I'll learn it
00:21:06.220 I'll learn to cook it
00:21:08.300 So I
00:21:10.060 Technically I can cook anything
00:21:15.100 But like
00:21:15.740 In my locker
00:21:17.340 I can cook a variety of meals
00:21:19.500 And what lifestyle changes
00:21:21.260 Did you have to make
00:21:22.300 From being single
00:21:23.100 To being married
00:21:23.820 So in the beginning
00:21:25.820 There was two incomes
00:21:28.140 And I said to my husband
00:21:29.340 Well I was pregnant
00:21:30.380 At the time
00:21:30.780 I was like to my husband
00:21:31.500 So what's going to happen
00:21:32.380 With the baby
00:21:32.860 Because I don't
00:21:33.980 I didn't want to do
00:21:34.700 The nursery thing
00:21:35.500 Like
00:21:35.900 Because they can't speak
00:21:36.780 I don't know what's happening
00:21:37.660 And he was like
00:21:39.820 Well I'm not going to stop working
00:21:41.900 And I said okay
00:21:42.460 Well you can go part time
00:21:43.500 And I can go part time
00:21:44.380 He was like no
00:21:45.900 So I didn't go back to work
00:21:48.460 Because I want to be with my kids
00:21:50.700 And he wouldn't yield
00:21:52.220 So I didn't have a choice
00:21:53.980 What do you mean he wouldn't yield?
00:21:55.340 He wouldn't go part time
00:21:57.260 You really expected him to say yes?
00:21:58.700 A little bit
00:21:59.980 To be honest
00:22:00.540 When I first came into being a wife
00:22:03.660 It was a big shock to the system
00:22:04.940 Because the things in my head
00:22:06.620 Was not what it was in reality
00:22:08.540 Obviously I don't know a man
00:22:09.980 I don't
00:22:10.620 I know what I'd like a man to be like
00:22:12.540 So I asked him with
00:22:14.060 I came boldly
00:22:15.260 That's like it mescalated in a minute
00:22:16.700 You go work
00:22:17.420 You work part time
00:22:18.220 I work part time
00:22:18.860 On the same level
00:22:19.740 He's like no
00:22:20.300 In my head it's like
00:22:21.260 Yes we are on the same
00:22:22.940 Yield
00:22:23.740 And he was unyielding
00:22:25.020 And then I was with a dilemma
00:22:26.780 Oh I love him too
00:22:27.340 I either go and carry on working
00:22:29.660 And park my kids
00:22:31.340 Or I stay at home with my kids
00:22:32.780 And stay at home with my kids
00:22:34.780 And what changes you have to do
00:22:37.500 From the two wages
00:22:38.940 Two incomes to one
00:22:41.980 So full transparency
00:22:42.940 And I hope my husband wouldn't mind
00:22:44.700 But he makes the money
00:22:46.700 And he hands it all over to me
00:22:48.860 So I know what I'm working with
00:22:52.460 And what I want
00:22:54.140 And what I don't want
00:22:55.820 And I just
00:22:56.620 I work with what I have
00:22:59.100 Do you understand?
00:23:00.220 She's quoting me isn't she?
00:23:02.380 No women work with what their husband brings in
00:23:04.300 That's basically my goal isn't it?
00:23:05.980 But praise god my husband's like that
00:23:08.620 Because I don't think I would be like calm
00:23:11.340 If I couldn't see money
00:23:14.220 But like on his payday it's my payday
00:23:17.260 Because the work drops in his account
00:23:19.820 And by midnight I'll see my bank account fluctuate
00:23:24.220 You mean you don't have to beg him or ask him for money?
00:23:27.420 No because I divvy up the money
00:23:31.260 So he'll keep what he needs for him
00:23:33.820 No I was just saying that
00:23:34.460 Because somebody said that in traditional women
00:23:36.540 When they don't work in their house
00:23:37.660 It means that they're slaves
00:23:39.260 And they have to beg their husband for money
00:23:40.620 No
00:23:40.940 Yeah is it horrible?
00:23:42.700 Yeah that's what they said
00:23:43.660 It's horrible
00:23:44.060 No because I have all the money
00:23:47.180 So if I
00:23:47.820 And my husband trusts me
00:23:48.940 So if I want to spend the money on a shopping spree
00:23:51.820 He knows that everything else is covered
00:23:53.900 How did you know you wouldn't just be destitute?
00:23:57.900 You know
00:24:02.220 I didn't but I hoped for the best
00:24:03.740 That he could just leave you destitute high and dry
00:24:06.220 I mean to be honest he still could
00:24:07.740 And my mom has said to me
00:24:08.780 And I'll have a private pot there that he doesn't know about
00:24:11.260 Just in case
00:24:12.220 Maybe we'll say that innit
00:24:12.860 Yeah and all the aunties and moms
00:24:14.780 They will say that just in case he leaves you high and dry
00:24:17.660 Kind of thing but like
00:24:18.780 He ain't going nowhere
00:24:20.460 He ain't going nowhere
00:24:21.340 If he wasn't I'm coming after him
00:24:22.860 I mean I just I don't
00:24:24.780 Like you said about um
00:24:27.900 Not holding onto negative thoughts and stuff like that
00:24:30.540 I mean what is the point?
00:24:32.060 I'm living life for today
00:24:33.500 So I'm just gonna live
00:24:34.460 Do you know what I mean?
00:24:35.340 Do you feel like your marriage could have still worked
00:24:37.580 If you weren't able willing to give up control?
00:24:40.380 No because
00:24:41.260 And so this is what I'm saying
00:24:42.380 When I got into my marriage
00:24:44.700 I was very controlling
00:24:46.380 More controlling than I ever could understand
00:24:49.260 And I started to change because he started to change
00:24:54.220 Because he told me I'm suffocating him
00:24:59.180 That's what he said to me and it made me feel sad
00:25:01.820 So like I had to work it out
00:25:03.580 But my excuse was my big crutch was
00:25:06.380 Well I've been a single mom so I had to control everything
00:25:08.940 And I didn't have a man
00:25:10.380 I'm working out but actually
00:25:12.540 I was unyielding
00:25:13.740 Like I did not want to
00:25:17.020 Like
00:25:18.620 I was not nice man
00:25:19.820 Did you have couple counselling?
00:25:21.340 No we didn't
00:25:21.980 He didn't want to go
00:25:24.140 He just worked out months
00:25:25.180 How long did it take you to have that switch?
00:25:27.900 Would you say?
00:25:30.300 She's still switching?
00:25:31.420 No not really
00:25:32.460 I'm still working out honestly
00:25:33.660 I'm still working out
00:25:34.460 But I think I'm just not defensive anymore
00:25:36.460 So he could say like babe like kind of thing
00:25:39.580 And I'll be like oh okay sorry
00:25:40.940 But at the same time like
00:25:42.700 He had some passive tendencies as well
00:25:44.700 And I'll be like babe like make a decision
00:25:46.780 And he'll be like listen
00:25:48.300 I got it
00:25:48.940 I'll get back to you
00:25:49.820 Whereas before it'll be like
00:25:51.020 I don't know
00:25:51.660 I don't know
00:25:52.300 I don't know
00:25:53.100 So like we're still
00:25:54.540 As many of you know I was just banned on TikTok
00:25:58.060 And we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform
00:26:02.540 If you want to help
00:26:03.660 Please consider sending a super thanks below
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00:26:08.140 And it helps make what we do possible