JustPearlyThings - Panel ROASTED Her For Being TOXIC to Men

00:00:00.000 Wifey things at girlfriend prices, but then they protect and provide possibly. Yeah 1.00

00:00:05.220 Okay, so you think a man shouldn't pay 1.00

00:00:07.740 Unless he marries you no, I don't think that but if you know 0.58

00:00:11.560 I'm choosing to cook and clean you can choose to pay if you want to pay if you don't want to pay

00:00:16.020 I'm not getting on to you about that same way if I don't cook you're not gonna get on to me about that

00:00:19.980 We're not at that level yet. They might get on to you about it. They might

00:00:24.300 They have the choice to but I also have the choice to you know

00:00:27.160 I feel like if you don't display that you can do those things and you're not going to get to that marriage stage

00:00:33.700 Just like looking after the kids not necessarily, but I just mean like the cooking and the cleaning

00:00:38.680 That's a slippery slope because the women then like they want to show you all they've got in their locker 1.00

00:00:44.280 And then I was like, oh might as well just chill like this

00:00:47.680 They get used to it

00:00:49.680 Why is it that when women talk about doing stuff for a man the first thing they talk about is cooking and cleaning like a man can't do it himself 1.00

00:00:55.200 They never talk about I want to hear but the men can cook and clean nowadays 1.00

00:00:59.800 If the man can't cook and clean you shouldn't be with them your husband can cook and clean 0.81

00:01:03.380 He's quite capable of looking after himself. So they're just talking about doing something that I'm not gonna really do for himself

00:01:10.600 What's the next suggestion?

00:01:12.600 I don't think there's any right or wrong answer for that. I think everyone's everyone's marriage is gonna be different. I think we're all saying the right things

00:01:18.260 Personally, that's how I feel think just up to each other's life when you're not getting married invite me, please

00:01:24.400 I'd like to see it was like that's all I'm saying invite me to get married. I can't wait for you to get married

00:01:30.020 I'd love you. I can't wait for you to get married. I can't wait for you to get married. I can't wait for your life

00:01:32.860 What would you suggest adding to the resume?

00:01:34.860 I know there's some things that we've been working on like we're making a cookbook. I think they need to

00:01:43.500 Borrow their nieces and nephews during the half term

00:01:46.780 It's half term if they live on their own then get a couple of days off

00:01:50.620 Have them around let the parents just leave them there then get on with it

00:01:54.760 Listen, I understand it's not just cooking and cleaning

00:01:58.080 Like I've for example been a nanny before 0.98

00:02:00.740 Give him sex every night as well. Yeah on top of the cooking and cleaning and looking after the kids and 0.97

00:02:06.180 Doing the shopping and getting all the delivery done and sorting out all his paperwork. Is that what we were missing sex? 0.61

00:02:13.460 What do you think a man would say?

00:02:16.580 That's what merging your life is. You've decided to merge both your lives together and then you just

00:02:22.740 Work through it. Hmm

00:02:25.220 It's not like you have one role and I have one role. We're just we're doing it

00:02:29.020 Whatever fits fits. I do feel mmm. I think in my marriage. I definitely feel like there would be set roles

00:02:38.460 I was gonna say if the man was at home all day and you've got all them kids in that and you're still gonna fit in sex room do 0.91

00:02:44.300 Yeah, when they're napping

00:02:46.300 What if they don't nap?

00:02:49.100 There's ways around it

00:02:51.500 Don't help her out

00:02:53.500 I think the kids love like was it cocoa melon and what I was just

00:02:56.740 Cocoa melon. Grace. Grace is cool now.

00:02:59.580 Them walking

00:03:01.580 Them walking, you know, jump around things, whatever. Peppa Pig. All the comments are saying that these answers are very vague

00:03:08.700 I don't even know what they're saying

00:03:12.620 Well, I'm not gonna go into like, you know, sexual detail. Okay, as a non-married woman

00:03:16.540 There's people saying I'm being vague

00:03:19.740 I would wake up

00:03:21.740 Make sure everyone's alive and well

00:03:24.380 I'd start going about my day think about what I'm gonna do if I have children

00:03:27.660 I'm getting them ready if my husband's going to work

00:03:29.660 And I'm still looking after the kids at home

00:03:31.500 He can go off to work. You okay? If you eat and cool

00:03:33.820 Let me know about your day

00:03:35.820 Be on about your way

00:03:36.940 I'll take care of the kids if you've got any stuff coming up try to take them for a walk

00:03:40.700 Hopefully the dishwasher is done by the night before empty it out

00:03:43.980 Go about my business thinking about what I'm gonna cook look in the fridge start preparing that one's watching tv one's in their little walker

00:03:51.580 Go about my day. It's lovely. How's your day as it is now?

00:03:55.740 Don't forget to change your nappies. Living now. All right, let me let me see if this matches, right? Go on

00:04:01.660 You wake up early in the morning. I'm just talking as a grandparent when I've got the grandkids, right?

00:04:06.460 I'll be getting dinner ready the night before so I wake up about four

00:04:09.660 Half four in the morning. Do me meditation for an hour half four in the morning. Not an hour. Oh my gosh

00:04:14.620 You can stay focused for that long. Exactly. That's your problem

00:04:18.620 One hour and I do half past four in the morning

00:04:22.060 And then I will start getting the clothes will be sorted from the night before dinner

00:04:26.540 Breathe from the night before Pearl knows that my dinner's cooked by nine o'clock in the morning

00:04:30.620 And while the dinner's cooking the kids are dressed

00:04:33.020 They wash and they're dressed and then we all have breakfast together

00:04:37.180 And then I might have to take them out or do some kind of work with them like go in the garden and do bits in the garden

00:04:41.980 Then it's lunch then it's painting then it's crafts and you've got to clear up

00:04:46.140 And then you've got to think about calming down everybody have dinner together

00:04:49.740 You still got the washing up. You still got the washing to do. You still got the housework to do and

00:04:54.860 Get the kids ready for bed. So at dinner for the next day spend time with your husband

00:04:58.780 And still got to give him good sex and still wake up early in the morning. Does that sound like like a day? 0.53

00:05:04.140 And the extras that you put in because I know you're busier than that. I'm just the grandmother

00:05:08.380 In my head, that's what the day sounds like. I just couldn't I just couldn't get it out because I don't live that life

00:05:14.060 But that's I can imagine. No, I know that's what I'm trying to because it sounds like all wonderful

00:05:18.860 But we're just I just want to show you reality

00:05:21.260 But it's not wonderful. Motherhood tactic 1.00

00:05:23.100 Yeah, I don't think it's wonderful at all

00:05:24.620 You've got one baby in one hand you're trying to stir something in the other. I understand that

00:05:27.740 It is wonderful. It's wonderful, but at the same time like I'm not saying it's going to be in this easy smooth ride

00:05:33.820 And I'm just gonna be like oh wake up in the morning

00:05:35.660 I'm gonna look after my kids and like no obviously there are you are going to go through your own internal struggles and battles and mental as well

00:05:43.340 But I'm just saying nobody cares about that when you're a wife and a mother 0.95

00:05:45.980 I'm I'm just saying that I don't mind. I want to I want to I want to hear what you wait

00:05:50.380 Could we oh yeah the day? No, I want I want you to go because they've both been married

00:05:54.060 So they could they could both so I want to do the single people first. Okay, um, what kind of wife do you want to be? Oh? 0.98

00:06:00.700 Off the sorry I did that thing where you breathe in the mic. I think of the basis of my previous relationships and from what I've learned

00:06:08.540 Because I'm I've never been married. I think

00:06:12.780 I could

00:06:13.980 provide emotional support

00:06:15.980 moral support

00:06:17.420 um

00:06:19.420 Specific

00:06:20.220 Specific so when you say emotional support 0.99

00:06:22.300 I need to know exactly what that is if you're gonna come to me and tell me you have a mental disorder

00:06:27.660 Or if you know any 0.90

00:06:29.180 Do you want to keep dating guys with mental disorders? No, but you know 0.89

00:06:34.060 I don't believe in a perfect person

00:06:36.220 Okay, okay, we're gonna get a sane one

00:06:38.220 Yeah

00:06:39.420 Right, right

00:06:40.220 That's what you want, right?

00:06:41.340 Average guy

00:06:42.220 And I just want someone lovely that doesn't stress me out

00:06:45.900 And if I have that 0.99

00:06:47.020 You just picked the guy with the mental disorder

00:06:49.900 I don't looking they just find me maybe maybe it says something about me anyway

00:06:54.940 But okay, right

00:06:56.540 I would provide a safe space for them to be honest with me about anything

00:07:00.220 So we can have conversations rather than arguments. I think that's important. That's really important

00:07:04.620 Okay, so how would you do that? What is that?

00:07:07.180 I'm very good at resonating with people. I can call myself out and self-reflect

00:07:11.420 I have the capacity to do that when I know when I'm wrong

00:07:13.820 So so if he he says something to you then you'll say I was wrong. Yeah, okay

00:07:18.460 If I was wrong, yeah, okay

00:07:20.460 Because no one's gonna die saying that okay, so you're able to say you were wrong

00:07:24.860 Yeah, it's just when you're talking. It's very vague. So i'm just trying to make it more specific

00:07:29.260 Yeah

00:07:29.500 I'll give them the safe space to know that we can have those conversations where they can call me out

00:07:34.220 Or I can call them out and we can come to a conclusion so so you'll say to him. I'll admit when i'm wrong

00:07:39.660 Yeah, okay, so that's the safe space is you'll admit as long as I have that back in return for me to feel yeah

00:07:46.380 Yeah, okay, but you won't do that unless he says I was wrong too

00:07:50.140 I will do that, but I'd expect it back in return. I worded that so incorrectly my back

00:07:54.700 um, so that

00:07:56.300 um, i'm very very very passionate

00:07:58.700 Um, i'm fun

00:08:01.900 So I don't think anyone could be bored around me when they know me. What does your day look like? Thank you as a wife

00:08:07.740 What would your day look like? You wake up this is like this sounds great for a girlfriend 0.99

00:08:11.020 As a

00:08:13.500 As a wife, oh god, i've never

00:08:15.500 I haven't got this for a long time. You're applying for a job, right?

00:08:18.300 It's like if we

00:08:19.740 If you're applying for a job, you're gonna have a resume of these are the skills i've had

00:08:23.180 This is the experience I have doing that you might say like

00:08:26.620 Nannied for two years. That'd be great, you know, whatever

00:08:29.500 I have been a nanny actually

00:08:30.940 Okay

00:08:31.500 But doesn't it really kind of depend on the person you're with to answer that question correctly?

00:08:38.140 I mean if I apply I could apply for a shitty job and a good job, but i'm gonna interview the same

00:08:43.260 Yeah, it's your cv what you're what you're bringing to the table 0.54

00:08:46.300 Do you mean like you want our answers to be like, I'm gonna cook home-cooked meals and stuff like that

00:08:51.180 I mean, it would be nice to know exactly what home-cooked meal like the more details the better. So, you know

00:08:56.060 As in what would you like?

00:08:57.020 It would predominantly be West Indian food

00:08:58.700 If I loved someone that much to marry them, I would learn to cook what they want to eat

00:09:03.100 I would

00:09:03.660 But my question is what do you know now? So again, this is like going to a job and saying hey

00:09:08.780 I'll learn whatever you want to teach me and then they're like, okay

00:09:11.340 What skills and experience do you have? And you're like, well, I'll learn whatever you say

00:09:16.140 If okay, I'm loyal. I know that I'm very loyal. I'm very honest. I'm very loyal and those are my those are

00:09:22.220 She asked what your day is looking like. Okay. Yeah, all right

00:09:24.700 Um, I think it's okay to say I don't know as well. I don't know my life is very

00:09:30.300 I'm really not that sure. Yeah, that's an okay answer

00:09:33.180 Yeah, I'm in the arts like my life. I'm gonna be honest. My life is chaotic. I wouldn't want to marry me

00:09:38.060 I would not want to marry me. So I haven't actually thought in depth about that question

00:09:41.500 I don't think I'm a good candidate to answer that

00:09:43.820 Okay, do you want to get married there? Yeah

00:09:46.140 I'm in good time, but not for a long time. Okay, we have a school

00:09:54.940 Season two does this is the school have like husbands in my I don't know we're open we

00:10:03.020 Husband school

00:10:06.620 Um, okay, that's that's good. What about you?

00:10:08.780 Oh, she's see you you've had the the privilege of love

00:10:17.260 Um, I think with me

00:10:21.340 I think one word to summarize I think I'm gonna be very transparent as a wife

00:10:26.220 Um, I would say well if you look at like my day-to-day life as of now

00:10:31.260 Like I'm a very busy person like I work a nine-to-five in a very very stressful industry

00:10:35.580 So I'm always out of the house like pretty much five days a week

00:10:39.340 And if it comes to thing where like let's say my husband

00:10:42.780 Likes a freshly cooked meal once I get home. I'm gonna keep it real. Look, I'm tired. I can't cook for you today

00:10:49.980 It would be a thing where like I like to kind of maybe plan ahead

00:10:54.460 Just due to my hectic lifestyle as it is right now. Are you a crock pot

00:10:58.460 Crock pot type of girl 1.00

00:11:01.020 No, it means like slow cooker. Yeah, like

00:11:03.020 oh

00:11:09.020 I like my food to taste good. So obviously with that being said yes, I would say I'm a slow cooker because

00:11:13.500 It involves a lot of tlc. So I need to make sure that how many meals would you say you cook a week now?

00:11:18.460 Oh god, uh

00:11:20.140 So like this week how many meals did you cook? I'd say two two. Okay. How many meals did you cook this week, pearl?

00:11:25.980 At least seven

00:11:28.700 At least seven. I've been doing better. She's banned me from takeout. Yeah, that's why I asked her

00:11:35.100 Yeah, um, so I think and I think with me as well. I'm the kind of person like

00:11:40.860 um, when it comes to my emotions, I'm not afraid to hide it

00:11:44.220 I'm gonna like kind of tell you what's up

00:11:46.940 I'm not really kind of

00:11:49.180 Bottle it up because I just don't think it's healthy to bottle things up

00:11:51.820 Do you do you think that's valuable to a guy a girl that's gonna tell him his her feelings all the time?

00:11:57.260 How are you doing this?

00:12:02.220 I'm just asking the question

00:12:04.220 So you're at this job interview. Yeah, and he's saying okay

00:12:08.220 What do you what's on the resume and you say I'm gonna tell you my feelings?

00:12:12.860 And that's how they're gonna hear it. I'm just letting you know. I mean

00:12:16.940 They don't care. Yeah, I mean, I think we

00:12:20.140 I think they care to a degree, but I think you need to kind of

00:12:23.820 Once you got them in the back

00:12:24.860 I think you need to understand them to the point of how you communicate to them

00:12:28.540 I think that's just the best way I can approach it. I think

00:12:33.260 I think with me like

00:12:35.180 I think when it comes to emotions, let's be real like when when it's raw sometimes you don't think things straight away

00:12:39.740 You might just say things and just blah just impulsive and then if that you're trying to express these things to a guy

00:12:45.340 Let's be real. He's probably gonna absorb 50% of what you're saying

00:12:49.740 Not even that 20

00:12:51.740 I think I need to keep up with the times

00:12:55.740 That's just an average figure I had in my head, but you know wait, I'll get back into reality soon

00:12:59.260 Um, but yeah, I think I think that's just one way for me to just kind of summarize everything just being transparent

00:13:05.900 And I mean if it's a thing where like kids are involved and stuff then

00:13:09.900 I don't know

00:13:11.020 Would you quit your you seem like you like your job a lot?

00:13:14.300 You seem very career driven

00:13:16.300 Yeah, I am

00:13:17.260 Yeah, no, and that's fine. Would you quit that to raise kids?

00:13:20.140 Uh

00:13:22.140 No

00:13:24.140 Nah, I don't think I would

00:13:26.140 She's gonna be a working wife 1.00

00:13:28.140 Yeah, definitely

00:13:30.140 What's what so then who's gonna raise the kids?

00:13:33.260 Nestle

00:13:34.380 Nestle grandparents, that's what they're there for, no? 1.00

00:13:36.380 So you want your parents to raise your kids?

00:13:38.300 I mean

00:13:40.300 Oh God

00:13:42.300 Just say that

00:13:43.740 I mean, it's what it is

00:13:44.860 That's how you do it

00:13:45.740 I don't want them to raise them, but I want I know they're gonna be heavily involved in my kids either your parents or a stranger

00:13:51.260 Oh, that's so true, right?

00:13:53.020 I'm just telling you how men hear it

00:13:55.020 Yeah, that's true

00:13:58.460 Well, it's a hard question

00:13:59.500 It is a very hard question

00:14:00.620 Okay, let me just say I don't know

00:14:01.980 It's really not a hard question

00:14:03.100 It is a hard question when you're a career driven woman, it's a very hard question

00:14:06.860 It's not a hard question

00:14:07.900 It's just a yes or no really

00:14:09.500 It's like it's just the answer maybe doesn't reflect in the way that men would want to hear

00:14:14.140 And also no one's judging you

00:14:16.460 It's just it's how you feel

00:14:17.900 You may even change your mind

00:14:19.180 But for now, if you feel like yes, I'm going to utilize nannies, the school system 0.94

00:14:25.580 I'm going to utilize all of what I can afford

00:14:28.380 Because I love my career

00:14:30.220 I liked working, I changed my jobs

00:14:32.060 I mean, yeah, I think

00:14:33.260 I think if I'm being honest now, probably strangers

00:14:36.300 So like nannies and then nurseries and all that stuff

00:14:38.780 But probably strangers getting involved with raising my kids

00:14:41.180 But who knows in future, I could probably change my mindset

00:14:43.980 In the future, you might not be able to afford it

00:14:48.220 The way the prices are now

00:14:49.500 Yeah

00:14:50.220 I had nannies, so it's not

00:14:51.820 Yeah, no, in England, it was about a thousand pound

00:14:55.180 Um

00:14:55.980 A week

00:14:56.620 Yeah

00:14:57.740 Listen, I used to be a nanny

00:14:58.940 Yeah

00:14:59.100 It was good money

00:14:59.500 To put a child

00:15:00.140 To put a child

00:15:01.020 I'm sure

00:15:01.580 I'll be honest

00:15:02.380 Like me growing up, we had all pairs

00:15:04.380 Is that how you pronounce it?

00:15:05.260 Oh, that's what we had

00:15:05.900 Actually, we had the same thing

00:15:07.820 They just

00:15:08.300 Most people don't know that word

00:15:09.660 So I just

00:15:09.980 Yeah, yeah, yeah

00:15:10.940 Oh no

00:15:11.500 Yeah, au pairs are different

00:15:12.540 They're cheap

00:15:13.180 But they live with you

00:15:13.980 They're cheap and they live in

00:15:15.580 Yeah, yeah

00:15:16.380 So

00:15:16.860 They all eat the same way

00:15:18.140 Oh my gosh

00:15:18.620 There's so many stories of like

00:15:21.580 Not what we never had this issue with our au pairs 1.00

00:15:24.140 But

00:15:25.660 Au pairs in the area where they would like sleep with the husband 1.00

00:15:28.940 Yeah

00:15:29.660 Perk of the job

00:15:30.940 I mean, because you're basically putting a wife in your home 1.00

00:15:33.980 No

00:15:34.780 I mean, she's raising your kid

00:15:36.060 She's cooking

00:15:36.940 The risk is there

00:15:37.900 We never had that

00:15:38.780 But we did have one au pair that stole my grandmother's jewelry 0.95

00:15:42.700 Oh, yeah, we had

00:15:43.740 We had one that married my cousin 0.73

00:15:46.460 Yeah, and one that married my uncle 1.00

00:15:47.900 And one that did cam work

00:15:49.180 I mean, we had like 20 years of au pairs

00:15:50.780 Oh my god

00:15:51.180 We had like 20 years of that

00:15:53.180 I have nine siblings

00:15:54.620 So it was like

00:15:55.740 Wow

00:15:56.220 That's ten of you?

00:15:57.740 Yeah, total

00:15:58.860 Busy busy

00:15:59.740 Go

00:16:00.220 You the only girl?

00:16:01.180 No, no

00:16:02.460 I get why you're vocal though

00:16:03.820 Because in a big family you have to be heard

00:16:06.060 Yeah, actually I would say

00:16:07.020 Everyone in my family is entertaining and funny

00:16:08.780 Because it's like

00:16:09.740 Either entertaining or funny

00:16:10.940 Because otherwise you didn't get any attention

00:16:13.420 Yeah

00:16:13.660 You had to be

00:16:14.540 It was a competition

00:16:15.820 And everyone's like good at like

00:16:17.500 Like very good at something

00:16:19.900 Because it was like

00:16:20.540 How else are you going to get your

00:16:21.580 You know, you got six kids

00:16:23.100 Oh my gosh

00:16:23.660 Everyone's performing every day

00:16:25.260 Yeah

00:16:27.420 Okay, thank you

00:16:28.460 Um, okay, tell me about being a wife 1.00

00:16:31.500 Your day

00:16:32.300 Yeah, tell me what your day is like

00:16:34.060 So

00:16:34.860 I wake up between 6 and 6.30

00:16:38.060 To do Bible study

00:16:40.700 Um

00:16:41.340 And see my husband off to work

00:16:43.980 And yeah

00:16:45.100 Do you feed him?

00:16:45.820 Before he goes to work?

00:16:47.420 Yeah

00:16:47.660 Oh no, he doesn't like eating in the morning

00:16:49.020 Okay

00:16:49.420 Yeah, he's not fast

00:16:50.540 I mean

00:16:51.180 He might like grab cereal or something

00:16:53.020 But he's not really fast to be honest

00:16:54.780 And I don't make him pack lunch

00:16:55.980 He's just, he's not fast so

00:16:57.900 I used to

00:16:58.460 But he's not fast

00:16:59.900 But um

00:17:01.340 He

00:17:02.300 Yes, I see my husband off

00:17:03.660 And as of six weeks ago

00:17:05.340 My daughter decided she wanted to go secondary school 0.64

00:17:08.060 So now I see her off to secondary school

00:17:10.860 And my husband takes her

00:17:12.620 And then after I do my Bible study

00:17:15.900 A child will catch me

00:17:17.500 Go upstairs, brush their teeth

00:17:20.060 Um, get them fed

00:17:21.900 And then um, we'll listen to some music

00:17:24.540 And then after some music

00:17:26.700 Um, and performance time

00:17:28.220 Mommy, watch me 1.00

00:17:29.420 Then we'll get into homeschooling

00:17:31.660 So I homeschool three of the kids

00:17:33.580 And then my eldest one goes to

00:17:35.340 How long does that take you every day

00:17:37.180 For the homeschooling?

00:17:37.980 I'm just curious

00:17:38.780 Oh, it varies

00:17:39.980 Ends up

00:17:40.620 Roughly

00:17:41.180 On average

00:17:42.060 About four hours

00:17:43.020 Four hours a day

00:17:43.740 On average, yeah

00:17:44.540 But then it just depends on the kids

00:17:46.780 Sometimes they're not with it

00:17:48.540 So

00:17:48.780 Um

00:17:50.700 Yeah

00:17:51.100 And then it comes to lunchtime

00:17:53.020 Which is around the time where

00:17:55.020 I make lunch

00:17:55.900 I make dinner

00:17:56.940 And then I get the kids to tidy up

00:18:00.380 And then we go out

00:18:01.500 Get their sister from school

00:18:03.340 Then we come back

00:18:04.540 Sister does the homework

00:18:06.940 Her homework

00:18:07.660 Then she tells me her stories

00:18:09.180 And like we have a little bit of

00:18:11.420 Mum and daughter time

00:18:12.940 Kids are playing

00:18:14.300 And then we um, tidy up again

00:18:16.700 Before dad comes home

00:18:18.060 Depending on what I look like

00:18:19.500 I'll either like spruce up

00:18:21.420 Or if I've got stains on my clothes

00:18:23.180 from food

00:18:24.300 I quickly change

00:18:25.500 Just like I look presentable

00:18:27.580 Then we

00:18:28.300 Oh, that's so cute

00:18:28.940 I know

00:18:30.140 We usher husband in

00:18:31.820 Then he comes

00:18:32.620 And then the kids do their

00:18:33.740 whole dancing act

00:18:34.780 Oh, daddy, you watch me

00:18:35.660 This is what I did today

00:18:37.020 And I leave them to it

00:18:38.460 Then he'll join me

00:18:39.580 In the kitchen

00:18:40.300 While I prepare

00:18:42.140 Everyone for dinner

00:18:43.820 And that's when he'll ask me

00:18:46.140 Do you need help with anything?

00:18:47.580 And if I do

00:18:48.620 I'll give him my list

00:18:49.420 If I don't

00:18:50.220 Then he'll go back to the front room

00:18:51.500 After our little chat

00:18:53.020 Then we have dinner

00:18:54.620 And then um, the kids

00:18:57.260 Before the kids go to bed

00:18:58.620 We'll like do

00:19:00.300 Like a devotion all together

00:19:02.700 Um, everyone prays for each other

00:19:05.500 Then the kids go up to bed

00:19:06.700 Then my husband will go up

00:19:07.900 And pray for them

00:19:08.780 And I sit down

00:19:10.620 And protest

00:19:11.420 And protest

00:19:13.420 Then my husband comes back down

00:19:15.180 Then we sit

00:19:15.980 We chill

00:19:16.540 We watch a movie

00:19:17.660 We laugh

00:19:18.220 Whatever

00:19:19.260 And then

00:19:20.780 If I'm being honest

00:19:21.740 He'll probably go up to bed first

00:19:23.260 And then I sit down

00:19:24.780 And protest

00:19:26.460 And then force myself

00:19:27.580 To go to bed

00:19:28.460 When my body's exhausted

00:19:30.220 And then I go to bed

00:19:31.260 And stuff may happen

00:19:33.980 At night

00:19:34.860 Stuff may not happen at night

00:19:36.220 Then I do it all over again

00:19:37.660 And on the weekend

00:19:38.780 Then the step sons come over

00:19:41.020 And then there's football

00:19:42.140 And then there's church

00:19:43.100 And then there's food bank

00:19:45.260 Something's always happening

00:19:46.540 Do you have time to go to the club

00:19:48.060 In between?

00:19:48.700 I'm just curious

00:19:49.580 No, but honestly

00:19:53.340 When me and my husband

00:19:54.300 Want to get to live-o

00:19:56.380 Like we just pick

00:19:57.100 What the date nights

00:19:57.820 Are gonna look like

00:19:59.020 So it's like

00:19:59.580 It could be like

00:20:00.380 A chilled one

00:20:01.260 Or it could be like

00:20:01.900 Oh, let's

00:20:02.700 Are you saying

00:20:03.900 You don't have time

00:20:04.940 To go to the club

00:20:05.820 On the weekends

00:20:06.380 I do not have time

00:20:07.740 To go to the club

00:20:08.620 Oh no, actually

00:20:09.820 I do have a mummy's day off

00:20:11.180 Let me not lie

00:20:11.900 Every day in the week

00:20:14.300 I do have a day off

00:20:15.740 To myself

00:20:16.380 Where I run away

00:20:18.380 And that's usually

00:20:19.260 The day that my husband

00:20:20.140 Works from home

00:20:21.020 So then he'll have the kids

00:20:22.220 And he'll work from home

00:20:23.660 And I'm somewhere

00:20:25.820 With a girlfriend or something

00:20:27.660 But then if that can't work

00:20:29.420 I will book an evening

00:20:30.860 On a weekend

00:20:31.660 And I will

00:20:32.700 Go out with the girls 0.97

00:20:33.500 But yeah

00:20:34.620 That's what it looks like

00:20:37.020 Do you go to carnival?

00:20:37.900 No

00:20:39.660 I was just checking

00:20:40.300 I was just checking

00:20:42.860 Really?

00:20:43.260 I thought traditional women 0.89

00:20:44.460 Went to carnival

00:20:47.100 Can I ask you

00:20:47.740 Where do you go

00:20:48.540 What's your background

00:20:48.940 Your culture

00:20:49.580 Where do you come from?

00:20:50.300 Ghana

00:20:51.020 Okay

00:20:51.420 We're all from Ghana

00:20:53.660 And what meals can you cook?

00:20:56.380 English meals

00:20:57.180 African meals

00:20:58.380 West Indian meals

00:20:59.420 Indian meals

00:21:02.060 Yeah

00:21:02.620 Yeah

00:21:02.940 Any

00:21:03.180 Well to be honest

00:21:03.900 What

00:21:04.540 If I fancy it

00:21:05.500 I'll learn it

00:21:06.220 I'll learn to cook it

00:21:08.300 So I

00:21:10.060 Technically I can cook anything

00:21:15.100 But like

00:21:15.740 In my locker

00:21:17.340 I can cook a variety of meals

00:21:19.500 And what lifestyle changes

00:21:21.260 Did you have to make

00:21:22.300 From being single

00:21:23.100 To being married

00:21:23.820 So in the beginning

00:21:25.820 There was two incomes

00:21:28.140 And I said to my husband

00:21:29.340 Well I was pregnant

00:21:30.380 At the time

00:21:30.780 I was like to my husband

00:21:31.500 So what's going to happen

00:21:32.380 With the baby

00:21:32.860 Because I don't

00:21:33.980 I didn't want to do

00:21:34.700 The nursery thing

00:21:35.500 Like

00:21:35.900 Because they can't speak

00:21:36.780 I don't know what's happening

00:21:37.660 And he was like

00:21:39.820 Well I'm not going to stop working

00:21:41.900 And I said okay

00:21:42.460 Well you can go part time

00:21:43.500 And I can go part time

00:21:44.380 He was like no

00:21:45.900 So I didn't go back to work

00:21:48.460 Because I want to be with my kids

00:21:50.700 And he wouldn't yield

00:21:52.220 So I didn't have a choice

00:21:53.980 What do you mean he wouldn't yield?

00:21:55.340 He wouldn't go part time

00:21:57.260 You really expected him to say yes?

00:21:58.700 A little bit

00:21:59.980 To be honest

00:22:00.540 When I first came into being a wife

00:22:03.660 It was a big shock to the system

00:22:04.940 Because the things in my head

00:22:06.620 Was not what it was in reality

00:22:08.540 Obviously I don't know a man

00:22:09.980 I don't

00:22:10.620 I know what I'd like a man to be like

00:22:12.540 So I asked him with

00:22:14.060 I came boldly

00:22:15.260 That's like it mescalated in a minute

00:22:16.700 You go work

00:22:17.420 You work part time

00:22:18.220 I work part time

00:22:18.860 On the same level

00:22:19.740 He's like no

00:22:20.300 In my head it's like

00:22:21.260 Yes we are on the same

00:22:22.940 Yield

00:22:23.740 And he was unyielding

00:22:25.020 And then I was with a dilemma

00:22:26.780 Oh I love him too

00:22:27.340 I either go and carry on working

00:22:29.660 And park my kids

00:22:31.340 Or I stay at home with my kids

00:22:32.780 And stay at home with my kids

00:22:34.780 And what changes you have to do

00:22:37.500 From the two wages

00:22:38.940 Two incomes to one

00:22:41.980 So full transparency

00:22:42.940 And I hope my husband wouldn't mind

00:22:44.700 But he makes the money

00:22:46.700 And he hands it all over to me

00:22:48.860 So I know what I'm working with

00:22:52.460 And what I want

00:22:54.140 And what I don't want

00:22:55.820 And I just

00:22:56.620 I work with what I have

00:22:59.100 Do you understand?

00:23:00.220 She's quoting me isn't she?

00:23:02.380 No women work with what their husband brings in 1.00

00:23:04.300 That's basically my goal isn't it?

00:23:05.980 But praise god my husband's like that

00:23:08.620 Because I don't think I would be like calm

00:23:11.340 If I couldn't see money

00:23:14.220 But like on his payday it's my payday

00:23:17.260 Because the work drops in his account

00:23:19.820 And by midnight I'll see my bank account fluctuate

00:23:24.220 You mean you don't have to beg him or ask him for money?

00:23:27.420 No because I divvy up the money

00:23:31.260 So he'll keep what he needs for him

00:23:33.820 No I was just saying that

00:23:34.460 Because somebody said that in traditional women

00:23:36.540 When they don't work in their house

00:23:37.660 It means that they're slaves

00:23:39.260 And they have to beg their husband for money 0.99

00:23:40.620 No

00:23:40.940 Yeah is it horrible?

00:23:42.700 Yeah that's what they said

00:23:43.660 It's horrible

00:23:44.060 No because I have all the money

00:23:47.180 So if I

00:23:47.820 And my husband trusts me

00:23:48.940 So if I want to spend the money on a shopping spree

00:23:51.820 He knows that everything else is covered

00:23:53.900 How did you know you wouldn't just be destitute?

00:23:57.900 You know

00:24:02.220 I didn't but I hoped for the best

00:24:03.740 That he could just leave you destitute high and dry

00:24:06.220 I mean to be honest he still could

00:24:07.740 And my mom has said to me

00:24:08.780 And I'll have a private pot there that he doesn't know about

00:24:11.260 Just in case

00:24:12.220 Maybe we'll say that innit

00:24:12.860 Yeah and all the aunties and moms

00:24:14.780 They will say that just in case he leaves you high and dry

00:24:17.660 Kind of thing but like

00:24:18.780 He ain't going nowhere

00:24:20.460 He ain't going nowhere

00:24:21.340 If he wasn't I'm coming after him

00:24:22.860 I mean I just I don't

00:24:24.780 Like you said about um

00:24:27.900 Not holding onto negative thoughts and stuff like that

00:24:30.540 I mean what is the point?

00:24:32.060 I'm living life for today

00:24:33.500 So I'm just gonna live

00:24:34.460 Do you know what I mean?

00:24:35.340 Do you feel like your marriage could have still worked

00:24:37.580 If you weren't able willing to give up control?

00:24:40.380 No because

00:24:41.260 And so this is what I'm saying

00:24:42.380 When I got into my marriage

00:24:44.700 I was very controlling

00:24:46.380 More controlling than I ever could understand

00:24:49.260 And I started to change because he started to change

00:24:54.220 Because he told me I'm suffocating him

00:24:59.180 That's what he said to me and it made me feel sad

00:25:01.820 So like I had to work it out

00:25:03.580 But my excuse was my big crutch was

00:25:06.380 Well I've been a single mom so I had to control everything

00:25:08.940 And I didn't have a man

00:25:10.380 I'm working out but actually

00:25:12.540 I was unyielding

00:25:13.740 Like I did not want to

00:25:17.020 Like

00:25:18.620 I was not nice man

00:25:19.820 Did you have couple counselling?

00:25:21.340 No we didn't

00:25:21.980 He didn't want to go

00:25:24.140 He just worked out months

00:25:25.180 How long did it take you to have that switch?

00:25:27.900 Would you say?

00:25:30.300 She's still switching? 0.99

00:25:31.420 No not really

00:25:32.460 I'm still working out honestly

00:25:33.660 I'm still working out

00:25:34.460 But I think I'm just not defensive anymore

00:25:36.460 So he could say like babe like kind of thing

00:25:39.580 And I'll be like oh okay sorry

00:25:40.940 But at the same time like

00:25:42.700 He had some passive tendencies as well

00:25:44.700 And I'll be like babe like make a decision

00:25:46.780 And he'll be like listen

00:25:48.300 I got it

00:25:48.940 I'll get back to you

00:25:49.820 Whereas before it'll be like

00:25:51.020 I don't know

00:25:51.660 I don't know

00:25:52.300 I don't know

00:25:53.100 So like we're still

00:25:54.540 As many of you know I was just banned on TikTok

00:25:58.060 And we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform

00:26:02.540 If you want to help

00:26:03.660 Please consider sending a super thanks below

00:26:06.780 Every donation helps

00:26:08.140 And it helps make what we do possible

JustPearlyThings - October 30, 2023

Panel ROASTED Her For Being TOXIC to Men

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