JustPearlyThings - Panelists Share Their Relationship STORY

00:00:00.000 Coming up next.

00:00:00.960 Do you think that women like instability? 1.00

00:00:04.460 Because everyone's, for the most part, everyone's ex doesn't sound stable.

00:00:08.300 I mean, as a young woman, you have so much choice.

00:00:10.460 Like, there's so many men in the friend zone that you know are very stable.

00:00:14.400 But we never pick up.

00:00:15.400 It makes you feel like, wow, like.

00:00:17.420 Makes you feel special.

00:00:18.160 I think women like a challenge when it comes to love. 1.00

00:00:21.760 I think they like to feel that they've got to win the guy over.

00:00:26.220 I felt that in my younger days.

00:00:27.820 Do you really see people change?

00:00:29.820 Yeah, I've changed a lot.

00:00:31.880 Anyone can change, I think.

00:00:33.360 I feel like people get worse over time, actually.

00:00:36.420 I actually don't think that.

00:00:37.360 I don't know a single person that's changed completely.

00:00:39.820 I hear a lot of people that say they change.

00:00:42.380 But then I watch their relationships and they're exactly the same.

00:00:45.140 Why don't women ever pick partners that make sense? 1.00

00:00:48.680 Because I think that they lead with their emotions.

00:00:51.100 I think as women, we tend to. 0.98

00:00:52.640 And I think that when you are interested in somebody, your all logic goes out of the window.

00:00:56.500 I know we have a mixed crowd when it comes to age.

00:01:00.100 So who knows who Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee?

00:01:02.600 Yeah.

00:01:03.060 I know.

00:01:03.580 You know?

00:01:04.360 I don't follow social.

00:01:05.860 Okay, you don't.

00:01:06.520 You guys are aware.

00:01:06.900 Yeah.

00:01:07.440 So Pamela Anderson is huge. 0.99

00:01:08.940 Okay, so Pamela Anderson is an actress. 0.92

00:01:12.460 Tommy Lee is a rock star, for those of you that don't know.

00:01:16.220 And I was researching them for this show.

00:01:20.260 And they've had just like an on-again, off-again relationship since, let me see, it says 1994.

00:01:26.680 So they got married after four days of knowing each other.

00:01:32.620 Yeah.

00:01:34.720 After they got married in Cancun, Mexico.

00:01:38.680 And literally they were just on again, off again.

00:01:41.680 They also had a sex tape that was released during when they were together.

00:01:45.860 They had two sons and he also was arrested for abuse.

00:01:56.600 And she still actually got, he went to jail for it and she actually still got back with him after.

00:02:02.080 And then again, on again, off again, on again, off again, until now they're not together.

00:02:06.700 They've separated and he's married to someone else and she's single.

00:02:09.200 Now, the reason that I bring this up is because recently she has been doing a documentary.

00:02:16.420 And in the documentary, she said that she texted at 55, she hasn't been with him for five years.

00:02:23.540 She texted Tommy Lee that he is her one true love while he's married to someone else. 0.99

00:02:31.320 Damn. 0.97

00:02:31.680 So my question for the panel was, have you ever had an ex that was incredibly hard to get over? 0.98

00:02:43.260 And what made him so hard to get over?

00:02:48.300 That one.

00:02:49.140 For me, I would say it was really like my first kind of love.

00:02:53.780 So I was at a young age.

00:02:54.860 I think I was like 18 at the time when I got with him.

00:02:57.100 So I feel like when you're at that age, especially us women being so emotional, I just felt really attached to him.

00:03:04.520 And even though I'd see him doing a lot, I feel like I'd always want to run back to him.

00:03:08.920 Everything I was doing, he just knew the right word to kind of say.

00:03:11.320 And I feel like I was too good at getting sucked in.

00:03:13.580 How long were you on again, off again with him?

00:03:16.320 So from 18 to when?

00:03:17.980 From 18 until I was turning 20.

00:03:21.660 So like nearly three years.

00:03:23.140 No, I'm sorry, nearly two years.

00:03:24.560 Okay.

00:03:24.940 But that one was very serious.

00:03:25.880 We kept going back.

00:03:27.920 We initially started talking in like 2019.

00:03:31.540 And then by the end of 2021, that's when we called it quits.

00:03:35.680 But during that stage, during that time period, we got together about three times and broke up three times.

00:03:42.500 So yeah.

00:03:43.560 And would you say he was a nice guy or a bad boy?

00:03:46.000 Looking back now, definitely a bad guy.

00:03:48.760 A bad boy.

00:03:49.560 Bad guy.

00:03:50.400 Bad guy.

00:03:51.060 Yeah.

00:03:52.260 What makes you say that?

00:03:53.420 Just like, obviously, the age I am now and the maturity I have, looking back, there's a lot of things that he used to do.

00:04:00.420 Like he'll be very good with his words.

00:04:01.920 I know now when certain guys say stuff, they don't mean it.

00:04:05.180 But back then, it's very easy to get sucked in, like I said before.

00:04:08.880 And he just used to always know the right words to say, which can be a good trait sometimes.

00:04:12.660 But in relationships, especially as a guy, mm-mm, mm-hmm.

00:04:15.660 And what made it so hard to leave?

00:04:18.100 Just because he knew the right things to say.

00:04:20.420 He was selling you a dream.

00:04:22.120 Pretty much.

00:04:22.880 And you know, it's that puppy love.

00:04:24.480 It was puppy love for me.

00:04:25.360 Because obviously, that was like my first real, proper, like, relationship.

00:04:29.220 Like, we moved in together and everything.

00:04:31.080 So it was very serious.

00:04:32.620 And obviously, at that age as well, I'm thinking like, this is some fairy tale going on.

00:04:37.320 Da, da, da.

00:04:38.320 But realising now and looking back at it now, I wouldn't have done so many things that I did do and listened to him the way that I did, if that makes sense.

00:04:46.660 Okay.

00:04:48.280 You want to go next?

00:04:49.180 Yeah, I feel like my, the love that I had is kind of different to yours in the sense that a man wasn't a bad guy.

00:04:58.120 We both really cared about each other.

00:05:00.480 And it was, was kind of on and off for some time.

00:05:03.340 But he went to jail for like three years.

00:05:05.820 He went to jail?

00:05:06.900 Yeah.

00:05:07.660 For like three years.

00:05:08.280 For what?

00:05:10.340 But he wasn't a bad guy.

00:05:11.860 No.

00:05:12.740 Okay, okay.

00:05:13.560 So the reason why.

00:05:14.900 We always want to see the good in the drug dealers.

00:05:16.480 I feel like, I feel like a lot of times, certain situations, it's a cop-out answer sometimes to say, oh, you're not a situation, things like that.

00:05:26.860 But genuinely for this guy, like, the way that he was brought up from very, very young was, was not good.

00:05:33.800 And it kind of like, that was the path that was predestined for him.

00:05:36.780 But then he's kind of like, got out of it now.

00:05:38.600 And I'm like, we're good and everything.

00:05:40.340 But for me, it was very difficult to get over him when he came out of jail.

00:05:46.480 And we wanted to get back together.

00:05:48.740 But I was like, you know what, you have to change yourself, everything like this first.

00:05:52.120 And he took a year to do it.

00:05:53.640 And by that time, I was like, we're not going to get back together.

00:05:57.020 But I was still very much in love with him.

00:05:58.740 But I had to just realise that the amount that I loved him and the amount that I love myself, I'm very solid on what I want and what I do not want from a man.

00:06:07.160 And he had a child as well.

00:06:09.240 And in that time, the year that he took to change, I realised that I do not want to be with someone who already has a child because I'm selfish.

00:06:14.300 I want to be first for a little bit of the relationship at least.

00:06:18.400 Did he change in that year?

00:06:19.840 Yeah, he changed.

00:06:20.880 The total 160.

00:06:22.080 So he was a bit like more of a bad guy before and then he like changed into more of a nice guy.

00:06:27.540 I mean, he was in jail.

00:06:28.460 We can't.

00:06:28.960 He was always a nice guy.

00:06:31.500 He's very good, got a beautiful heart.

00:06:33.100 But I just feel like he saw that there was another way to live life rather than the one that he had been stuck in for all that time.

00:06:39.460 It just was a thing where I realised that as much as I love him and as much as he loves me and all these kind of things, like there's a greater kind of love.

00:06:48.720 Like, I feel like when you love people and when people love you, it's a very selfish kind of thing because it's like, I love you.

00:06:54.120 I want you to be with me and we're going to make it work and what I want.

00:06:57.540 But I was just like, you know what, for the best, for what I want and what you want, you can't just keep on going down this path.

00:07:04.320 What made him different than other guys that made it hard for you to get over him?

00:07:09.420 Everyone says that they want honesty.

00:07:11.380 I heard this all the time.

00:07:12.040 We were talking about it earlier, but he was genuinely very honest.

00:07:14.920 If he did something bad, he did something good.

00:07:16.880 Like, I had a lot of issues with trust.

00:07:20.460 And even if he did something bad, he was honest.

00:07:23.060 And it kind of made me accept that, you know what, even if I might feel like people are down the wrong road.

00:07:29.260 And I have a stereotype of roadmen that they're dishonest and that they like to use words because men know that women want to hear certain things.

00:07:36.940 Right.

00:07:37.140 And I feel like men use that to manipulate women.

00:07:40.120 And he showed me that, you know what, someone can go be in that lifestyle, want better for themselves and not manipulate you with words.

00:07:46.640 They could just tell you the truth.

00:07:47.600 And if you don't accept it, you don't accept it.

00:07:49.300 And then you have to sort out what you're going to do from there on.

00:07:52.040 So you like that he told you what it was?

00:07:53.760 Exactly.

00:07:54.240 Yes.

00:07:54.460 And that's what made him different.

00:07:55.680 You feel like other guys told you what you wanted to hear where he told you the truth.

00:07:58.880 And yes, and also another thing which I think a lot of men nowadays really struggle with is being assertive in a respectful way.

00:08:05.920 Like he would not allow me, like I can be a bit, I think everyone can be a bit, push the buttons a bit sometimes, you know, push the boundaries and stuff.

00:08:13.280 But he always let me know, this is not how it's going to be.

00:08:16.000 Do not continue this behaviour.

00:08:17.300 And I respected that because he knew the right way to do it.

00:08:20.440 And a lot of men do not know how to do that nowadays.

00:08:22.620 They get angry or they don't know how to express themselves or they blame you.

00:08:26.900 And yeah, it's just not the one.

00:08:28.600 Okay.

00:08:29.020 And what about you?

00:08:29.580 So when I was going out with my ex, I was very young compared to him.

00:08:39.920 How old were you?

00:08:40.820 How old was he?

00:08:42.420 Okay.

00:08:43.220 You're going to be underage.

00:08:44.140 I'm sorry.

00:08:44.560 I just feel it.

00:08:46.620 Yeah, I was 14 and he was 19.

00:08:51.860 Sorry, shock horror, everyone.

00:08:54.420 Yeah, but he actually did ask permission from my mom and dad because he was like,

00:08:58.640 I really like your daughter, da, da, da, da, da.

00:09:01.400 And he was, he wasn't like a creep.

00:09:04.380 He wasn't giving creep.

00:09:05.700 Okay.

00:09:05.860 He was giving like, gentlemen, actually.

00:09:09.700 And he was very kind and sweet, but it was also long distance as well.

00:09:16.340 So he was living in Holland and I was living here.

00:09:18.880 But he would get like, I think it was like a 12-hour coach every two weeks to come and see me.

00:09:26.980 And he was working like two jobs as well at like 19 years of age.

00:09:32.540 But I think from that, because I was so young, he was my first everything as well.

00:09:38.200 Like first, well, you know what I mean, like first everything.

00:09:42.640 And so I think that's what kept the attachment for so long.

00:09:47.180 How long were you with him?

00:09:48.720 Three years.

00:09:49.580 Three years.

00:09:50.000 Yeah, but I think because I was so young, I think I was just so excited that like an older boy had liked me, really.

00:10:02.440 And when I look back on it now at 21 years of age, I'm thinking, I don't think that's too right.

00:10:10.740 But if one of my friends would come to me and say, I like a 15-year-old, what do you think?

00:10:17.600 Why did your parents allow that?

00:10:19.420 Because they saw how he was.

00:10:21.120 Because he was a nice dude.

00:10:21.840 Yeah.

00:10:22.120 He was a good dude.

00:10:23.240 I was literally begging them as well.

00:10:25.380 Like if your daughter's growing like, I love him.

00:10:28.120 You know what I mean?

00:10:28.940 What can you do?

00:10:30.060 Right.

00:10:30.320 But I think the attachment was, is because I was so young.

00:10:36.480 And I think I was with him for that long because I was so young and also didn't really know what I want.

00:10:42.900 So you would have said he was a good guy though?

00:10:46.040 Yeah.

00:10:46.460 Like overall, not a bad boy, good boy.

00:10:47.540 No, he wasn't a bad guy at all, but I'm in a relationship, you know, I'm in a relationship now.

00:10:53.800 And what made him different was that you were young.

00:10:57.160 It was your first like guy that you were with.

00:10:59.300 Yeah.

00:10:59.660 Yeah, literally.

00:11:01.500 But I look on it, I look on it now as in, it was an okay experience, but we also broke up in between as well.

00:11:12.700 And that's, I think, because I was so young, I like missed the love and like the kind of like, he kind of led the way through everything.

00:11:23.820 So I think that's why I went back, but I actually broke up with him because I was bored.

00:11:27.660 You broke up with him because you were bored?

00:11:29.280 I broke up with him like three times.

00:11:31.180 Just because you were bored?

00:11:32.000 Because I, one, because I was bored because we, what do we have in common really?

00:11:37.200 What do you have in common with a 14 year old and 19?

00:11:39.400 Like we are actually in different paths of life and then he was long distance as well and it's just, I was growing up and I was starting to like other things and I was starting to actually know what my type was maybe, you know?

00:11:57.500 So, yeah, that's, that's the reason why I think I kept on going back because of the age.

00:12:02.020 Okay.

00:12:02.460 Yeah.

00:12:03.040 And what about you?

00:12:04.180 Yeah, I can kind of relate to some of what you're saying there because my first relationship, I was 16 and he was 20 and he was already a father.

00:12:11.900 And again, my mum did not want me to date this guy.

00:12:16.500 She would literally pin me down to stop me from going to see him.

00:12:20.420 What was wrong with him?

00:12:21.620 The fact that he had a child and he was 20.

00:12:23.280 Right.

00:12:23.580 Okay.

00:12:23.840 Yeah.

00:12:24.260 So, yeah, it was like, that's not what you want for your 16 year old daughter.

00:12:27.280 Um, but yeah, I fell head over heels in love with him.

00:12:31.420 Um, I moved out of home when I was 17, got my own place.

00:12:35.320 He moved in with me.

00:12:36.560 So we were having a very adult relationship from the age of 17.

00:12:40.400 Um, I did end up breaking up with him because actually what was interesting was I ended up taking on quite a masculine role in that relationship.

00:12:49.020 I started earning very well and he wasn't.

00:12:52.520 And I was then paying for everything and it was, I lost respect for him to be honest.

00:12:58.240 Um, and I kind of made it known.

00:13:00.700 It kind of came out as quite an outburst one day and I was like, you know, don't feel embarrassed about the fact that every time we go to the movies, I'm getting my purse out and every time we get, you know, and all this.

00:13:10.120 So he.

00:13:10.840 And how old were you?

00:13:11.660 Did you say?

00:13:12.460 Um, so at that point when I broke up with him, I was getting on for 19.

00:13:15.240 Okay.

00:13:15.500 So you were with him for three years.

00:13:16.920 Yeah.

00:13:17.320 Yeah.

00:13:17.580 Um, broke up with him.

00:13:19.140 Um, but I loved him, you know, really loved him.

00:13:21.180 He retaliated when I brought that to Ascension by throwing furniture around.

00:13:25.920 So I was like, right, you're out.

00:13:27.460 You know, that was that.

00:13:28.760 He was a bad boy too.

00:13:29.900 Well, he actually wasn't, but he was so ashamed that it was like, he reacted by just throwing the drawers, like punching the wall.

00:13:37.160 But I'd never seen that side of him before.

00:13:39.520 Oh, okay.

00:13:40.140 He was soft as a kitten up until that point.

00:13:42.260 And then you said, I pay, I pay for all our dates.

00:13:45.560 Like you, you yelled at him and then he started punching the wall.

00:13:47.720 Yeah, but, but I, and three years, I'd never seen that side of him.

00:13:51.420 Okay.

00:13:51.760 But at that point I was like, pack your bags.

00:13:53.940 You're gone.

00:13:54.380 Right. 0.94

00:13:54.540 And then you, you had to kick him to the curb.

00:13:56.820 I had to, he had to, he had to go, right.

00:14:00.060 But then when he moved on and got into another relationship, I then started to feel like actually, maybe I still love him and wanted to be with him.

00:14:08.200 So it was almost like when he, when someone else wanted him, I wanted him back, you know?

00:14:13.080 And then it actually took a while for me to get over him, which was strange.

00:14:17.760 Wait, so you were, you were good.

00:14:19.480 You were moved on.

00:14:20.140 Then you found out he was dating someone else and you, you wanted him back.

00:14:23.280 Yeah.

00:14:23.740 He wanted me back.

00:14:24.820 Did you, did you get him back or no?

00:14:27.120 Um, no.

00:14:27.980 So he, he actually was trying to get me back for a period of time.

00:14:31.300 I didn't want to know, but then the moment he got with somebody else, it was a bit of a toxic trait in me, you know, I then wanted him back.

00:14:38.720 Um, and that, that time it was too late because he'd then moved on, moved in, moved in with someone else.

00:14:43.320 And it actually did take me a long time because I sort of thought, oh, you know, maybe he is my, my one true love, you know?

00:14:49.680 Um, he made a mistake, but he's still a good guy and I still love him.

00:14:52.820 So it did take me a while to get over that one, I think, because it was that first significant relationship.

00:14:59.200 What about you?

00:15:00.080 Interesting.

00:15:00.400 Okay.

00:15:00.980 So mine is a little bit chaotic, I guess.

00:15:03.660 Um, my ex-partner and the father of my children, um, I met him when I was 14 years old.

00:15:09.780 What is it?

00:15:10.920 No, seriously.

00:15:11.640 How old was he?

00:15:12.340 He was, I was 14, he was 16.

00:15:14.440 So we were still.

00:15:14.820 A little better.

00:15:15.400 Yeah.

00:15:15.560 What is it with this?

00:15:16.480 Oh, honestly.

00:15:17.120 What do you guys do in England, my lord?

00:15:19.380 Like, what is it?

00:15:20.300 It's a bit groovy.

00:15:22.760 Yeah.

00:15:23.360 So, um, so he was like, he was my first ever boyfriend.

00:15:26.320 And when I met him, I remember this, I was at school and I met him.

00:15:29.920 He came and chatted me up at the bus stop after school with his friends.

00:15:33.460 Um, and I thought he was the most handsome guy that I'd ever seen in my life.

00:15:37.780 And I was super flattered that he was talking to me.

00:15:40.480 Um, so we dated, I say we dated, we were in a little bit of a relationship for maybe

00:15:44.460 like a year.

00:15:45.560 Um, and then he broke up with me and I was just, I was heartbroken.

00:15:49.860 I think at that time I really convinced myself that I loved him and that I was mature enough

00:15:54.420 to know what love was.

00:15:55.680 And my friends and my family were like, no, he's not for you.

00:15:59.300 He's not.

00:15:59.800 They were obviously seeing something that I didn't see because you're in that bubble of

00:16:03.740 being in love and this juvenile sense of, he's my everything.

00:16:07.460 Like at 14, I don't think you can know what your everything is.

00:16:10.300 Um, so we, we were together first kind of intimate experience and things like that.

00:16:15.660 And I think that I put that, uh, I held that to quite an, you know, on quite a pedal store

00:16:21.800 that I was intimate with somebody for the first time.

00:16:24.020 And so this must be love and we're going to be together forever.

00:16:27.380 Um, we, our relationship came to an end when we was, I don't know, I think maybe like a

00:16:31.740 year later, I was about 15.

00:16:32.900 Um, and I saw other people and things like that, but he would always contact me.

00:16:37.460 So it will be like, we wouldn't speak for maybe like six months or something.

00:16:40.740 I'll change my number.

00:16:41.780 And then I'd randomly bump into him in the street, which just kept fueling this sense

00:16:46.000 in my mind of, oh my God, we're clearly meant to be together.

00:16:48.500 When did the kid come in?

00:16:49.680 Did you say he was a father?

00:16:50.560 Yeah.

00:16:51.000 When did the kid come in?

00:16:52.160 So we got back together.

00:16:53.420 Um, I would say again, sort of in line with that whole us bumping into each other and me

00:16:57.460 feeling like it's fate, it's meant to be, oh my gosh.

00:16:59.980 Um, fast forward, I was 19, I'd moved out of my parents.

00:17:03.820 I was living on my own.

00:17:04.660 I was living a great life.

00:17:05.660 I was very happy.

00:17:06.860 Um, and again, I moved, I moved into a place and on my first day of living there, I've gone

00:17:11.460 to the, like the local shop and he's just there.

00:17:13.620 And he's like, this is the pub.

00:17:15.500 The pub next door is where he like cashed his checks after work and stuff.

00:17:18.860 So again, this just fueled this.

00:17:20.600 We're meant to be, this is the universe.

00:17:22.560 This is God bringing us together.

00:17:24.680 Um, so we got back together when I was 19.

00:17:27.100 We had our daughter when I was 21, uh, our son when I was 20, uh, 22, um, and we had

00:17:34.600 a 10 year relationship.

00:17:35.840 Wow.

00:17:36.280 We separated when I was 30, when I was 30, he's only two years older than me.

00:17:40.320 So he was 32.

00:17:41.520 Um, and it was very, in the beginning stages, it was very, I wouldn't say it was very toxic,

00:17:46.240 but I didn't see him for what he was.

00:17:48.240 I was just in this bubble of, I love him and he's who I'm going to be with forever.

00:17:52.620 Would you say he was a bad boy or a nice guy?

00:17:54.560 I would say that I believed he was a nice guy, but in hindsight, he's not a very nice

00:17:58.920 person.

00:17:59.440 Okay.

00:17:59.840 He's a bad, like if you, if you had to classify one, he'd be bad boy category.

00:18:03.760 Yeah.

00:18:03.960 But not like your, your stereotypical bad boy.

00:18:06.440 Like he's got edge about him more like you're just not a very nice person.

00:18:09.780 You're actually very insecure.

00:18:11.100 You've got a lot of issues in yourself.

00:18:12.820 You project a lot of things.

00:18:14.080 And I think that was particularly when we had our children, um, we moved away from my parents.

00:18:20.420 So I was quite isolated.

00:18:21.380 I lost quite a few of my friends, I didn't really see my family.

00:18:24.380 So all of my relationships started to take a bit of a, a hit for this love that I thought

00:18:28.980 was going to be forever.

00:18:30.420 Um, and I would say by the time, by the time I got to 29, I started to see it for what it

00:18:35.520 was.

00:18:35.900 And I started to see he was quite narcissistic.

00:18:38.640 He was quite, I would never want to, um, deform his character and say he was narcissistic.

00:18:43.880 But from my experience, I felt like I was being emotionally manipulated, mentally manipulated

00:18:48.840 and things like that.

00:18:49.780 Um, so we separated when I was 30 and it was actually a really bad breakup, like really,

00:18:56.320 really bad breakup.

00:18:57.480 Um, so we've been, we haven't been together for five years, four and a half, five years. 0.71

00:19:02.540 And he hates my guts.

00:19:04.060 We co-parent and he's a great father.

00:19:06.400 I wouldn't take that away from him.

00:19:07.660 My children absolutely adore him and he adores them.

00:19:11.100 They see him very regularly, but he doesn't even give me eye contact.

00:19:15.320 He hates me.

00:19:16.980 Why?

00:19:17.700 I don't mind.

00:19:18.660 Um, to be honest with you, I think, I think that he didn't take the time to heal from our

00:19:25.880 relationship.

00:19:26.680 And if I'm being really transparent, um, I checked out in like the last year of our relationship,

00:19:32.760 I checked out.

00:19:33.720 He, you know, he was doing his thing.

00:19:35.180 He was unfaithful in the beginning of our relationship.

00:19:37.840 Um, it prompted like an open relationship for like a year, which I didn't really want to

00:19:42.900 have, but because he wanted to have it, I kind of agreed with it because I felt like

00:19:46.180 that was the right thing to do.

00:19:47.600 Um, I never stepped out and did anything, but I would like tell him I was going on a

00:19:51.560 date and I'd go to like my girlfriend's house and just chill with her so that he thought

00:19:54.840 I was going on a date because I knew that he would be with someone else.

00:19:57.380 It was really bad.

00:19:58.280 Really toxic.

00:19:58.920 This sounds very, this is very Pammy actually.

00:20:01.060 This is quite Pammy.

00:20:02.280 So I'm curious out of everyone here, what, who was anyone not on a get off on again, off

00:20:08.460 again with the guy?

00:20:09.400 Well, I would say for the 10 years we were consistent, but in the first four years we

00:20:15.040 were on and off.

00:20:15.840 On and off.

00:20:16.400 I've never done the on and off thing.

00:20:17.920 So you were, you were completely on.

00:20:19.240 Yeah.

00:20:19.560 I was on and off.

00:20:20.540 On and off.

00:20:21.380 On and off.

00:20:21.920 On and off.

00:20:22.760 Um, cause he went in jail is a bit undefined.

00:20:26.920 Do you think that women like instability because everyone's, for the most part, everyone's 1.00

00:20:33.360 ex doesn't sound stable.

00:20:35.060 I feel like we don't like it.

00:20:37.700 It's not really a choice with them because there's no stable men.

00:20:42.180 There are.

00:20:42.760 My boyfriend is very stable, but there are a lot.

00:20:47.920 I'm very lucky with mine, but there are a lot that aren't.

00:20:51.620 So I feel like if it was up to us, it would all be stable, but there's two of us in it

00:20:57.820 and always one is not stable.

00:21:01.640 You know what I mean?

00:21:02.540 Yeah, but I mean, as a young woman, you have so much choice.

00:21:05.280 Like there's so many men in the friend zone that you know are very stable, but we never

00:21:09.780 pick them.

00:21:11.040 We don't do that.

00:21:11.860 I don't know why we don't pick them.

00:21:13.400 It's almost like there's like, I don't know, like a thrill of the ups and downs.

00:21:16.540 Like, even with my ex, I feel like part of the reason why I was even so attracted to him

00:21:21.600 in the first place is because like, he's just unpredictable.

00:21:24.460 Like, you know, them people that you can call them bad people, but they're only good to you.

00:21:29.820 It's that kind of, I don't know if you kind of understand what I'm saying, but it's like

00:21:33.720 it, it makes you feel like, wow, like, makes you feel special.

00:21:37.360 Yeah.

00:21:38.080 I think women like a challenge when it comes to love. 1.00

00:21:40.680 I think they like to feel that they've got to win the guy over.

00:21:45.180 I felt that in my younger days.

00:21:46.900 I sound like I'm really old now.

00:21:48.120 I'm not, I'm still, I'm not old, I'm still young, but you know, it was that feeling of

00:21:51.280 like feeling like in some way, like when with the ex, you know, when I saw him with somebody

00:21:55.700 else, it's like, I want to win him back, you know, because I felt like I had to prove

00:21:59.360 that I was the better one, you know, I think that's, that you can say that's ego or your

00:22:04.940 pride, but I do feel there is, I see it a lot.

00:22:07.820 Yeah.

00:22:08.260 It's literally like a game.

00:22:09.260 But I think it's attached to a sense of worthiness that you don't feel worthy for love just to

00:22:13.020 come easy to you, that you have to work for it.

00:22:15.220 And I know that I experienced that growing up with my mum, um, breaking up with my dad when

00:22:20.360 I was three and I swear to God, that woman probably only in the past few years has got over 1.00

00:22:25.480 him. It's taken a long time. So I, I, I witnessed that my mum always sort of pining after my

00:22:32.700 dad in this roundabout way. So that's where I learned that behaviour from that feeling like

00:22:37.920 love had to be about pining for someone craving them rather than them just coming easy to

00:22:42.460 you.

00:22:43.300 I feel like there's, um, that's one way to look at it. But from my experience, like I

00:22:47.780 have had something that's like kind of up and down stuff. And I feel like as women, we,

00:22:52.880 when we get emotionally attached, we kind of feel like, from my experience, I'm like, oh,

00:22:57.040 you know, I know, um, that there might be some flaws in this person, but I've seen people change.

00:23:02.520 Um, they can change too. I know the right way. They just have to see the right way.

00:23:06.760 Do you really see people change?

00:23:08.520 Yeah. I've changed a lot. Anyone can change. I think.

00:23:12.080 I feel like people get worse over time. Actually. I actually don't think that, I don't know a single

00:23:16.880 person that's changed completely.

00:23:18.360 It depends which way you flip the coin. And you can either come out of a relationship

00:23:23.600 better, or it can drain you to the point where you feel worse than yourself. It depends

00:23:27.820 about obviously the people that you are before you go there in the first place.

00:23:30.880 I mean, I think I hear a lot of people that say they changed, but then I watch their relationships

00:23:35.640 and they're exactly the same.

00:23:37.460 I think traits are difficult to change, but behaviours can be changed.

00:23:41.440 And mentality can be changed as well.

00:23:43.060 Cause you have to like look at the, um, the personality traits and the behaviour it causes.

00:23:47.940 And then you have to look at, um, like you have emotional logic and you have logical logic

00:23:52.220 and you have to choose which one suits, um, that situation at the time.

00:23:55.200 Do you know what I'm saying? It's just true.

00:23:56.740 When you say emotional logic, how can you give an example?

00:23:59.460 For example, for example, I'll use a situation with one of my friends.

00:24:02.660 Um, we used to get into arguments because I would explain to them, you have to, um, pay attention

00:24:07.880 to your emotions and you have to work through them. That is logical.

00:24:10.700 It's using your emotions, but it's being logical. And they were like, no, no, no, I don't need

00:24:14.000 to look at my emotions right now. I have things to focus on so on and so forth, but, um, unresolved

00:24:19.020 emotions were getting in the way of them sorting out what they needed to sort out because they

00:24:24.880 would just, um, go blush out every so often and this, that, that, that, that, um, I don't

00:24:30.180 know if you look at it.

00:24:31.640 I was going to say, like, I kind of, I feel where you're going with it, but I disagree.

00:24:36.520 I think their logic and emotion are two completely different things. They are two completely

00:24:41.200 different things. If you're operating from a place of emotion, that is a feeling. It's

00:24:44.740 not thought. It's a feeling. That's emotion.

00:24:46.840 It's emotional intelligence though, isn't there? And that's, yeah, well, that that's not

00:24:50.740 being questioned. It like the logic is logical is what makes sense. If we look at this on paper,

00:24:56.160 what makes sense? This is, I'm going to think this through and what is logical a to be an emotion

00:25:01.580 is just, Oh, this is how I feel.

00:25:02.960 Why don't, why don't women ever pick partners that make sense? 1.00

00:25:06.840 Because I think that they lead with their emotions. I think as women, we, we tend to, 0.94

00:25:10.540 and I think that when you were interested in somebody, you, your all logic goes out of

00:25:14.020 the window.

00:25:15.020 I just want to quickly say, um, going back to your point, um, maybe I worded what I said

00:25:20.420 wrong. So yes, of course, an emotion is a feeling. However, you can look at that feeling

00:25:24.560 and be like, is it logical to feel this way? Like for instance, someone might say something

00:25:28.160 and I feel like women do this a lot. Um, men even actually do it. People do this a lot.

00:25:32.320 Someone will say something to you and then you'll be like, Oh, are you trying to say I'm

00:25:34.600 this? So on and so forth, because you're reacting with a feeling like, um, you might feel ashamed

00:25:38.620 so on and so forth, but you have to take a step back and logically, logically look, is this

00:25:42.180 feeling actually, um, rooted in my own insecurities, whatever, whatever. And then if it's illogical

00:25:48.060 to feel that feeling, then that's what I will call emotional logic, because then you've looked

00:25:52.460 at that emotion with logic. Obviously there's, um, logic that comes, that's objective logic.

00:25:57.920 Feeling is something, um, personal and therefore that's why I separated the two kind of things.

00:26:01.880 So I get what you're trying to say. You're trying to basically say like, I don't know if someone

00:26:06.200 comes and knocks your drink on your lap or something and you'd be like, what the fuck? 0.99

00:26:10.920 Exactly. But if you step back and think about it, you think, Oh, it might be an accident. 0.98

00:26:14.620 You get me like, let me just leave this person alone. Like, so you're saying sometimes it's

00:26:17.820 about taking responsibility for your own feelings that it's not necessarily like understanding

00:26:22.440 where that feeling is coming from and tracking yourself in that sense.

00:26:26.160 It's not about, um, taking responsibility for your own feeling per se, because sometimes

00:26:30.240 the way you feel is the other person's fault. However, it's about being the bigger person

00:26:34.660 to your own feelings and be like, you know what? I'm big enough that I can deal with

00:26:37.660 this without projecting it outside. And therefore I'm going to go about this situation with logic.

00:26:44.040 Um, I'm not disregarding my own feelings.

00:26:46.040 I agree with you actually. I feel, I feel like your feelings don't matter. I mean, as women,

00:26:49.960 we feel one way, one day we're about to get our period. Then we feel another, then, then

00:26:55.620 it's like, we're in even this, most of us on the couch, we're in for a minute and we go

00:27:00.580 back. Then we leave. Then we go. I just, I feel like love is a choice. And I feel like, I feel

00:27:07.620 like you're right. I think that, you know, we should operate with more emotion, but we don't

00:27:11.620 as women.

00:27:12.620 Yeah.

00:27:13.620 I feel like, um, a lot of women, um, a lot of people in general, I should say they do 0.99

00:27:17.280 not have a lot of organic thoughts. Their thoughts are, like I was saying earlier, you

00:27:22.080 can make anything make sense. And there's a lot of social media input and all these

00:27:25.180 kinds of things. So, um, a woman will be like, oh, you know, this is the man I want because 1.00

00:27:29.400 of ABCD reasons. And then they'll get, um, too deeply involved in that. And then they won't

00:27:33.660 be able to realize, oh, this is not actually what's good for me. This is just what I've

00:27:37.080 been influenced to think that I want, but actually it doesn't really work for me. And

00:27:40.540 then they kind of get stuck in that cycle kind of thing. And that's to answer your question.

00:27:44.160 Why don't women never choose stable guys? 1.00

00:27:45.420 But then again, if love is a choice, then how are we all just like not choosing and

00:27:51.580 choosing to like love these men? You know what I mean?

00:27:54.660 Yeah.

00:27:55.660 Because if he, if you choose bad, but, but we don't choose it. We feel it.

00:27:59.740 Yeah. Like you, you fool. 1.00

00:28:00.900 You can't control the things that you feel. 1.00

00:28:02.140 You can't control these emotions because you know, the person is bad for you. So why

00:28:06.180 would anyone go, I'm going to choose that anyway? No, because you fit like you love them

00:28:10.500 and it's not a choice.

00:28:11.500 I think you can control it though, don't you? I think sometimes we just let it get a bit

00:28:14.340 out of control.

00:28:15.340 I mean, you choose who you have sex with. So, you know, you could, you could feel one way

00:28:19.220 about a guy, but you know, if you see red flag, red flag, you don't have to sleep.

00:28:22.540 But sex and love us are two different things.

00:28:24.140 Yeah, but where does it start?

00:28:26.140 I feel like you can't, like, for example, you could be with someone for a long time. You really,

00:28:30.140 like, you know that you love them. You can't just switch it off when you realise they're

00:28:33.580 starting to act different. You can't just like, just turn it off and be like, yeah,

00:28:36.620 I don't love you no more.

00:28:37.620 It doesn't work like that.

00:28:38.620 You can make a choice.

00:28:39.620 Yeah.

00:28:40.620 You can make a choice to leave them, but it's not going to stop what you feel. You get

00:28:44.460 me? Like, you can still feel a way like you might even miss them because now you feel like

00:28:48.940 you love the person. They've done you like this, but you've left. And now you're feeling

00:28:52.460 like, oh, that's what makes people want to go back as well. Because it's like, oh, like,

00:28:56.620 you start to second guess like, oh, did they even do this that bad? Was it, was it, was it me?

00:29:00.780 Was I overreacting? Like, it's, it's not a choice, in my opinion.

00:29:04.540 I mean, how is it, how is it not a choice if you're going to be with someone or not be with someone?

00:29:08.300 Like, isn't that a choice?

00:29:09.340 Obviously that's.

00:29:09.900 You can feel how you feel, but the choices you make.

00:29:12.300 That's a choice, but I meant love is not a choice. Like, you can't choose to turn off your

00:29:16.860 feelings for somebody.

00:29:17.740 Yeah, but I feel like feelings are going to come and go. So if you're going to be married

00:29:21.020 for 50 years, do you think you're always going to feel in love?

00:29:23.100 Yeah.

00:29:23.740 That's what I'm saying. I think it's a choice at the end of the day.

00:29:25.740 Yeah, but you don't choose.

00:29:26.940 Your parents want to beat your brains out sometimes, right? Like when you're a kid.

00:29:29.980 Yeah, but they always love you though. So one day my mum can't like tomorrow say,

00:29:35.500 you know what, Amber? Don't love you no more. It's gone. Completely gone.

00:29:40.140 But I bet sometimes they feel like that when you're acting a certain way.

00:29:43.260 I do not think that they do. So you think your parents sometimes are like, pal?

00:29:48.380 I feel like sometimes they felt like they wanted to kill me, you know?

00:29:51.100 But they still love you though.

00:29:52.700 They still love you.

00:29:53.580 But I'm saying it was a choice.

00:29:55.100 My mum's definitely wanted to kill me a couple of times. 1.00

00:29:57.180 Yeah.

00:29:57.660 So that's the thing. It's unconditional love with children.

00:30:01.020 Yeah. If I was to ask, like with your kids, I'll turn around to you and say, oh, maybe

00:30:06.780 tomorrow you won't love them no more.

00:30:08.860 But that's what I'm saying. It's a different type of love. There's different types of love,

00:30:11.580 isn't there? There's not just one type. So there's like agape love, that romantic love.

00:30:15.340 There's that. I can't think of what the children, but definitely with the children,

00:30:18.700 it's that unconditional love. Whereas with men or partners, it is conditional to some degree.

00:30:25.340 But I don't feel like you choose any of it. And I feel like, especially cool,

00:30:29.660 like you know how we were talking about how we were in relationships when we were younger.

00:30:32.700 I feel like when you're younger, you confuse the different types of love. Like you might think,

00:30:36.460 okay, I love this person. So even if they do this to me, it's not going to stop me feeling this way.

00:30:41.100 So it kind of comes off as unconditional, but obviously at that age, you don't really understand,

00:30:45.340 but it's just the feelings.

00:30:46.460 Do you think women would have better outcomes if her parents picked a husband for us? 1.00

00:30:50.780 Yes. No.

00:30:51.500 Yeah, I do actually. Yeah, I think that arranged marriages have got very good success rate.

00:30:56.540 Not with my mum.

00:30:58.140 I don't know, because also sometimes my mum will buy me like a rug for my room and I hate it.

00:31:02.540 And that's just a rug.

00:31:03.820 I think a lot of time we go after chemistry, don't we? But that's what we're feeling with these guys.

00:31:08.700 It's the chemistry. It's not necessarily like this, like you mentioned earlier, I hope you don't mind.

00:31:13.660 But you know, this sort of calming effect this person has on you. I understand that now today to be love

00:31:19.260 when actually someone is like my peace and my calm. Whereas when you're younger, you go after the

00:31:24.780 frill, you go after the excitement there, you know, so I just think that it's also like a hormonal response.

00:31:30.140 When did that switch for you from going for the exciting guy to the more calm, peaceful guy?

00:31:35.580 Yeah, good question. I think that probably 30.

00:31:39.980 Around 30. Yeah. 29, 30. When I, when I, when I felt pregnant at 30.

00:31:44.940 Yeah. You felt pregnant.

00:31:46.540 I felt pregnant with a guy I was with friends with for like five years. And then we had a family

00:31:51.180 together very quickly. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah. And I kind of can't help but feel that there's a,

00:31:55.820 there's a huge difference. And I think that for us, sometimes we get them a little bit confused.

00:31:59.580 There's a big difference between love and lust and, and what we think, you know, that whole excitement,

00:32:03.980 that thrill, that, oh, this is so not good for me, but I just want it anyway. Oh, he wants me.

00:32:09.100 He desires me. He lusts me. Um, yeah, there's a big difference between the two. And I think when,

00:32:14.060 for me anyway, at the young age that I was, I, I don't know if I can leave it. The first phase of

00:32:20.620 our relationship was definitely lusty. I think I, I put him on a pedestal to some degree. Um,

00:32:25.660 when we had the kids, it was love, but I think it was more staying in a situation for the,

00:32:29.900 for the wrong reasons, if that makes sense. Um, so now, uh, after coming out of that relationship,

00:32:35.260 I was single for a long time, like five years of single for, um, and I, I reflect on the chaos

00:32:42.780 that was the last relationship and the war that I went through in the end of it. So now that I'm,

00:32:47.820 well, over the five years, sort of coming to a place where you're comfortable with yourself,

00:32:51.820 you, you really love yourself. You really know your worth and what you want from a person.

00:32:57.820 It changes your view on, on your relationships. But you know how you're talking about obviously

00:33:02.460 lust and love and stuff. Don't you think that relationships come after lust? Because at the

00:33:07.660 end of the day, for somebody to be attracted to you and to want to get to know you like that,

00:33:11.660 it's all about physical attraction, how they feel about you in the beginning. So I feel like

00:33:16.140 lust kind of can in a way play into love because it comes that way. Not really. No one could turn my

00:33:22.140 head that I really fancy now. I don't care how hot a guy is. You couldn't turn my head now.

00:33:25.980 You know what I mean? But if cool, you were chatting to somebody, let's say you find them

00:33:29.660 attractive, whatever, they start ticking your boxes as you go one by one. And then at the end 0.88

00:33:35.180 of the day, you're going to start feeling this person. You're going to start. It starts off as a lust.

00:33:37.740 Yeah. You're going to start getting the chat. Looks fade as well. Do you think historically women have 1.00

00:33:41.900 gone after looks? Yeah. I think so. Yeah. No, actually I think women actually go after like dominance 1.00

00:33:51.580 in a kind of way, like the man who's manlier kind of thing. Like even if you look back

00:33:55.900 in history and stuff, they'll go after the man, I don't know, who's killed so many people. I don't

00:33:59.660 know about history either. But they'll go after these men that are showing their strength. You get

00:34:04.140 it? Nobody wants a simp. So at the end of the day, everybody wants to go for a man that's showing

00:34:09.180 his manliness. You don't have to be the best looking guy in the world. But as long as you are coming off

00:34:13.260 as a man, I feel like. You get it? I think with dating apps, everybody's so looks focused now,

00:34:18.780 the women included, you know, it's just, it's literally yes, no, yes. I mean, how can you make a decision

00:34:23.420 about your husband by looking at one photograph on it on a dating app? You know, but they're doing it.

00:34:28.860 They're saying no to these guys who are good guys, good character. Because how much can you tell

00:34:34.300 from one picture? Well, you can't, but they're making that decision. Who do you guys think is

00:34:38.380 pickier with looks? Men or women? Men, men. 100. No, I think women for sure. 1.00

00:34:45.660 No, absolutely not. How many women get with ugly guys? Okay, okay. So would you say that 0.99

00:34:51.020 dating apps is primarily looks? Yes. Agreed. I've seen a lot of things about like the captions

00:34:57.660 as well or how they slide into the DMs. I've never actually had like a conversation with a load of

00:35:03.980 girls and it's about looks, not really. Would you say that when people select on dating apps, 0.97

00:35:09.580 it's mostly through looks? I don't really know because I've never really been on anything. Well,

00:35:13.100 I think men just swipe near enough everyone and then they whittle down once they've got all the 0.99

00:35:16.700 matches and work out who they want to invest time to get to know. What percent of men do you think 1.00

00:35:22.380 women swipe right on? All of them. Five percent. Five percent. Women, what percentage of men do women 1.00

00:35:28.700 swipe on? I'm going to say like 10 percent. 10 percent. Probably 10 percent, yeah. Yeah, I'd think that

00:35:34.940 because obviously if you're in person, it's the same kind of thing. Like you get more guys trying

00:35:40.460 to approach women than women trying to approach guys. I'm not going to lie. I've never approached 1.00

00:35:44.060 a guy like that unless unless I was drunk or something like it was for jokes. But I don't really do

00:35:49.820 that. So I feel like if men are doing that anyway, why not on a dating app? Would men not be the ones

00:35:54.380 to approach the women? I don't think the men are analysing the profiles like the women are. So what

00:35:58.940 percent of the time do you think men swipe right on dating apps? So wait, wait, what do you think?

00:36:02.940 I thought the question was for girls. For girls and guys. I think girls swipe on men like five 0.75

00:36:09.340 percent because we expect men to be dominant and pursuers. But men swipe on older women, 1.00

00:36:16.220 I think 95 percent or 85 percent. Because I have guy friends and some of them swipe left.

00:36:25.100 So who's pickier when it comes to looks, men or women? That's an unfair thing to say. I know guys,

00:36:31.980 they will not find a girl attractive and they'll still do what they're doing, if that makes sense.

00:36:36.620 I feel like to base it off a dating app is an unfair basis because when it comes down to it,

00:36:44.060 men want someone who they think is beautiful. Women are more for the protection that they can get, 1.00

00:36:51.740 how they can build a future of the man, so on and so forth. Looks do play a part. However,

00:36:57.180 there's a lot more that feeds into it. And a man is going to, a man, okay.

00:37:01.260 But you don't think on a dating app that's mostly looks? So when we're selecting based on looks,

00:37:06.460 who's pickier? That's why I said it's unfair because a dating app is unfair because a woman 1.00

00:37:10.620 is going to look at a lot more than just looks. Because for me, I can only speak for myself

00:37:14.460 actually, but when I'm looking at someone's profile or whatever, I'm not even on dating apps

00:37:18.220 to date, just to say that sounds really bad. I'm not on dating apps for any reason,

00:37:21.820 just sometimes I'm bored. This is a hobby for you. But like, you know, like at two o'clock in

00:37:29.100 the morning, like I don't scroll through Instagram, whatever, whatever. I'm just like, I'm about to

00:37:32.540 go to sleep. Who are you trying to talk to at 2am in the morning? I don't talk. This is the thing.

00:37:35.900 This is the bad thing. I don't talk to anyone. I'm just like, oh, let me look at the weird people

00:37:40.300 about and that's what I'm saying. If I see someone who looks weird or interesting or something like

00:37:44.700 that, then I might swipe right on them, have like a small conversation, see what I can learn from

00:37:48.700 them and then carry on with my day. It's not necessarily about looks and all these kind of

00:37:52.060 things. And I do you think women are picky about height? Oh, yeah, I don't know. Would you guys

00:38:00.220 date a guy? Would you guys would you guys date a guy that is two inches, three inches shorter than

00:38:05.580 you? No, no, because if you're already shorter than me, what about when I wear heels? You're gonna think

00:38:10.780 people don't think you're my child. I think I have done. Yes. And I'm quite tall.

00:38:15.260 I've dated some of my height. No, shorter, I said. Not three inches, sort of, no. No, shorter.

00:38:20.780 No, no, no. Shorter. No, no. I'm just curious out of the guys, would you guys date a girl

00:38:25.820 if she looked good, three inches taller than you? Yeah. Yeah. Blessing. Yeah, he's nodding.

00:38:32.140 Who's pickier, men or women when it comes to looks? But the height and looks, I feel like height and looks.

00:38:38.860 We could do weight, even. Women weigh more than men. Oh, this one, though. This one. 0.99

00:38:45.660 Yeah, do you know what height? The thing is, yeah, no, I actually have like a, the thing is, with

00:38:49.420 women, when women are bigger. No, it's based on BMI. It's based on BMI. So women have like a worse 1.00

00:38:57.420 BMI than men. Yeah, yeah. But that's because we're curvier and we've got more, we've got thighs. 1.00

00:39:01.180 We've got hips and bum and all that. No, that's just because we eat more. Okay, fine. But we do have

00:39:05.900 like the extra weight. No, um, boobs and stuff. No, but I'm saying like for our height. So we, we,

00:39:12.620 we're fatter for our height. So they, yeah. Like if you look at BMI of a man and BMI of a woman,

00:39:18.140 women are fatter. I think women have to be pickier. I don't think that, um. I'm not saying it's a bad 1.00

00:39:23.260 thing. I'm just saying even with looks, we're pickier. We have to be though, because at the end of the day,

00:39:27.580 man can go and do whatever they want with so many different women, but we have to think about our 0.94

00:39:32.380 future offspring and all these kinds of things. And I'm sorry, I'm not going to pick a man if I

00:39:35.660 think he has bad genetics, if he has bad work drive, if he has bad, all of these different kinds of

00:39:39.500 things. So I have to be picky. What percent of men do you think are sexually active? All of them?

00:39:45.180 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Like 80% of men. 80%? No, no, no. I think 65. I think 99.9. 40, 40%.

00:39:52.460 There's a lot of pressure on men nowadays. I think a lot of them are looking after themselves.

00:39:58.300 Yeah. What about you? Oh God, I don't know, like 99.9%? I'm joking. No, just something very high.

00:40:06.860 I don't think anything, maybe 80, 80 something. Yeah. What if I told you one out of every three men

00:40:12.780 under 30 are either virgins or haven't had sex in the past year? I believe you. In which country though? 0.98

00:40:18.220 I love that. This country. Oh, I love America. There's a lot of frustrated men out there.

00:40:22.940 There's a lot of incels. But also like, if you consider like, you know, not every guy is a 10,

00:40:28.380 same way like not every girl is a 10, but there are guys who are socially awkward. There are guys

00:40:32.380 that just don't have that game. There are a lot of guys that get missed out because they don't have that

00:40:36.380 look that women are looking for, or they don't have that alpha that women are looking for. And there's

00:40:42.060 people who do it for religious purpose as well. What? I promise you, these guys are not.

00:40:48.140 I promise you. Yeah. Not even people that want to do it before marriage and that.

00:40:52.380 I know there's a couple, I guarantee. It's not 33%.

00:40:55.420 And these are nice guys then, you reckon? These are the nice guys.

00:40:58.140 Yeah, they won't cheat on you. I mean, I mean, they got no one else to pick.

00:41:04.460 But that's what I say. We pick instability, right? We could pick the stable guys that aren't seeing

00:41:09.100 anyone else, but we pick the guys that are seeing. Like, that's why you guys think that

00:41:12.300 see all the guys are sexually active because you pick the guys that are.

00:41:16.780 What percent of guys do you think are over six foot?

00:41:19.820 Oh, there isn't that many. Less than 10% probably.

00:41:22.300 No, maybe like 30. 30%.

00:41:25.420 The guys that are over six foot that are active or just how many guys are just over six foot?

00:41:29.420 Yeah, there's, I mean, I'd say like, I don't know, like 40, 50% of men are over six foot.

00:41:34.540 No way. Where are you looking in America?

00:41:36.060 No, but across the board, not just the UK, right? Across the board?

00:41:39.100 Maybe.

00:41:39.180 The US, UK are where the stats are based.

00:41:41.420 I know Americans are tall.

00:41:43.100 They're tall. There's something in the water.

00:41:44.860 What about, what about you?

00:41:45.900 I said maybe like 25%, I think.

00:41:48.060 25%.

00:41:48.700 Yeah, I'll go in 20, 35%.

00:41:50.460 That's 15%.

00:41:51.740 Wow. Okay, fair enough.

00:41:53.100 Okay.

00:41:53.660 And these five foot two women that are demanding a six foot plus man. 1.00

00:41:56.620 That makes no sense to me. 0.99

00:41:57.660 That is ridiculous. 0.98

00:41:58.860 Like, I can't lie. I would get with a guy who's like, still in the five foot, 0.97

00:42:02.060 because I'm only five foot five. You can be five foot nine.

00:42:04.300 As long as I'm in heels and I'm not over that.

00:42:07.180 5'7 even is fine for you.

00:42:09.100 Yeah.

00:42:09.500 But I think everyone's allowed to have a preference of height.

00:42:12.300 Yeah, you can have a preference, but there's not enough to go around.

00:42:15.100 There's not, but you can find one.

00:42:17.100 I didn't.

00:42:17.500 Yeah, I didn't say it was a bad thing.

00:42:19.260 Like, I mean, historically, we needed a guy that could protect us.

00:42:21.820 That's why.

00:42:22.380 What would you rather stay single or just wait for the, you know, the six foot something guy?

00:42:26.700 Well, listen, there's only 15% of these men that are over six foot.

00:42:29.500 And you're telling me all the five foot twos want to be taking them. 0.97

00:42:31.980 But is this?

00:42:32.860 A lot of the short girls are the ones that go for the extra. 1.00

00:42:34.860 I like to all that.

00:42:35.820 And what percent of those guys have good jobs?

00:42:38.380 And what percent of those guys are good looking too?

00:42:40.700 So it's like, typically, if you select a guy, he's had to meet multiple metrics.

00:42:44.780 And it's a very small percentage of men that most women are after. 0.96

00:42:48.220 Guys get the raw deal.

00:42:50.220 They really do.

00:42:50.940 No, those guys do.

00:42:52.700 Yeah, those guys, the other ones, they've got their pick, haven't they?

00:42:56.220 They've got their pick.

00:42:56.940 Yeah, those guys do.

00:42:58.220 But then you have one out of three men that are either virgins or haven't had sex in the past year.

00:43:01.980 I love that.

00:43:03.180 I'm quite surprised at that.

00:43:04.380 Where are these men?

00:43:04.940 Come on, start a dating site for these men. 0.97

00:43:07.660 Go to Tesco.

00:43:09.100 Look at the guy working behind the counter.

00:43:12.700 I mean, there's a million, you don't really notice it,

00:43:14.300 but there's a million men that like we just like don't see.

00:43:17.180 They feel invisible then, these guys,

00:43:18.860 if they're not getting picked for the fact that they're meeting these metrics.

00:43:22.220 I mean, you've heard like six foot, six figures, six pack.

00:43:28.620 I don't think there's many.

00:43:29.740 What percentage of men have got a six pack?

00:43:31.180 Not many.

00:43:32.060 Most have got dad bods, even when they're not dads.

00:43:34.300 But there's like a thing which a lot of girls like dad bods.

00:43:37.660 Have you had that?

00:43:38.380 But what man likes a mum bod, though?

00:43:40.620 That's the question.

00:43:41.340 Exactly.

00:43:42.060 When you say mum bod, what do you mean?

00:43:44.060 Oh, one that's had a baby.

00:43:46.140 Yeah.

00:43:46.860 You know, I've had three.

00:43:48.060 I mean, thankfully, I'm not too in a state.

00:43:51.100 But honestly, like, you know, women have had children.

00:43:54.140 Men almost expect us to look like we've never had children.

00:43:56.620 Literally.

00:43:57.820 I don't think they expect that.

00:43:59.660 A lot of them do.

00:44:00.620 They do.

00:44:01.340 They want you to keep in shape regardless if you had children.

00:44:04.460 I think that that's a pressure that we put on ourselves to do that.

00:44:07.740 I think there are a lot that don't expect that, actually.

00:44:10.540 Or I just know some really kind men and really good men.

00:44:13.260 I feel like guys expect you to gain like 10, 20 pounds.

00:44:18.220 What I don't think they expect is for you to blow up like a balloon

00:44:21.340 and look like an entirely different person.

00:44:23.180 Sure, sure.

00:44:24.060 Yeah.

00:44:24.300 You know, I think most guys are forgiving 10, 20 pounds,

00:44:27.260 but it's just like when you look like a completely different person.

00:44:29.900 Yeah, when you're doubling the size.

00:44:30.940 Well, you know, it's like after you have a baby,

00:44:32.620 I've heard like that's when men are most likely like to step out on you 0.99

00:44:35.900 because you can't have sex for a certain amount of months after you give birth.

00:44:39.260 You're obviously going to look different.

00:44:40.620 Your body's changed, like your whole body's different.

00:44:42.460 So it's like if the guy is not really like, I don't know.

00:44:45.340 I don't think he's got the energy.

00:44:47.020 He's going to be up all night with the baby.

00:44:48.460 He ain't got energy to be doing that in those first six weeks.

00:44:50.620 These men find their energy somewhere.

00:44:52.060 I also think that...

00:44:53.340 What percent of men can even get laid?

00:44:55.900 Like you've to understand, it's such a small percentage of men

00:44:58.780 that even have girls coming to them like that to the point that they can cheat. 1.00

00:45:02.460 It's maybe 10, 15, 20%.

00:45:05.260 Like it's harder than you think for a guy to get laid.

00:45:07.980 I think that we think it's easier, but it is just the guys that women are choosing. 0.99

00:45:13.500 It's easier for women to get that side of things, I'd imagine, isn't it really? 1.00

00:45:17.580 A woman can go on a night out, quite easy for her to go home with a fella, isn't it? 1.00

00:45:20.860 Anyone she wants really.

00:45:22.860 There's a shelter down the street.

00:45:27.260 You can just go and ask.

00:45:28.940 It's true.

00:45:29.580 It's so true. 0.84

00:45:30.300 Yeah.

JustPearlyThings - July 08, 2023

Panelists Share Their Relationship STORY

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