JustPearlyThings - August 02, 2023


Pearl BREAKS DOWN Why Men Turn TO CRIME


Episode Stats


Length

11 minutes

Words per minute

200.37703

Word count

2,303

Sentence count

224

Harmful content

Misogyny

13

sentences flagged

Hate speech

11

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we talk about why it's important to know who you're dating before you start dating and how important it is to have a good relationship with your significant other. We also talk about generational trauma and the impact it can have on a person's mental health.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 somebody that's good for you just because of what he'd done yesterday
00:00:03.300 or before he met you, then you're living in a delusional world.
00:00:06.320 But it's relevant as well because you only know what you know.
00:00:09.340 And depending on how you've been brought up and where you're from,
00:00:12.220 the people that you've been around, where your parents or your family are,
00:00:16.660 it is relevant because you only know what you know.
00:00:18.980 I think it's actually really smart to look at people's background when dating.
00:00:23.400 It is in a certain aspect.
00:00:24.700 It is.
00:00:25.440 I'm not saying you can't overcome bad choices.
00:00:28.120 Some people do, but I still do think that if a guy has a criminal background,
00:00:33.620 you should maybe choose a guy that doesn't.
00:00:35.780 Be more precautious for sure.
00:00:37.680 I think it depends on what criminal background they have though
00:00:40.580 because you can't look at us, oh, he's got a criminal record.
00:00:44.380 He's a bad guy.
00:00:46.820 It depends on what it is and what scale.
00:00:49.280 Honestly, all of this really goes back to the women. 0.96
00:00:52.360 I got to be honest, guys.
00:00:54.920 She's on them.
00:00:55.640 Because it's like with these guys or girls or whatever come from these bad backgrounds, right?
00:01:02.780 But why do they come from these bad backgrounds?
00:01:05.620 Well, the women destroyed the home, most of them. 1.00
00:01:09.940 Yeah, yeah.
00:01:10.420 The women either chose to have children with men that weren't fathers nor wanted to be fathers 0.96
00:01:17.380 or they chose to leave their husband or their boyfriend, whatever it is.
00:01:24.640 And then we're going back to the kids suffering, right?
00:01:28.980 And now they're in this traumatic situation with like where they maybe make bad decisions.
00:01:36.160 So really, this is like full circle, guys.
00:01:39.060 It is a vicious cycle.
00:01:40.740 Can I just ask you though?
00:01:41.620 Because you said it's better to have children young,
00:01:44.040 but actually you're more likely to make mistakes at that age
00:01:46.380 and have children with the wrong fathers.
00:01:47.640 And then you exacerbate that cycle.
00:01:50.440 What do you mean you're more likely to make mistakes?
00:01:53.300 Because you're younger, you're not as well informed.
00:01:56.500 You're not as experienced.
00:01:57.700 I want to make sure I'm picking the right person.
00:02:00.440 That's why some people I've dated in the past, I would not have a child with them.
00:02:04.600 I think that you really just, you'll never know for sure.
00:02:09.740 I think like, because what are you going to find out?
00:02:13.160 Like you're never really going to know until you get married or until you live with someone.
00:02:16.700 So it's like, I feel like women, like we operate in fear.
00:02:19.260 Like, oh, like we could find someone better.
00:02:21.540 Oh, something could go wrong where it's like, you just pick someone and make it work.
00:02:26.500 I say you pick someone, make it work.
00:02:28.600 This is something I always say.
00:02:29.420 Yeah, I think currently we know too much when it comes to life, society and choices.
00:02:37.080 And because of that, every time we're trying to make a decision, we always have excuses.
00:02:44.900 Every single time.
00:02:46.020 The thing is though, it's facts that some people are born into harder circumstances than others.
00:02:50.680 So how is that an excuse?
00:02:53.600 Yeah, but that's why I always go back to our grandparents.
00:02:56.900 It's the mother's fault. 1.00
00:02:57.860 What made our grandparents and our parents and our great-grandparents stay together?
00:03:04.100 What made them stay together?
00:03:05.440 Mom's amazing, by the way.
00:03:06.540 Knowing that they probably went through the same traumas, same experiences, same everything.
00:03:10.900 They probably had it worse, honestly.
00:03:12.460 They probably had it worse than us.
00:03:13.700 But like what made them stay together versus our mindset now?
00:03:15.500 But that's why we have things like intergenerational trauma.
00:03:18.480 Intergenerational trauma is trauma passed down because people in the past didn't have access to mental health.
00:03:23.200 They didn't understand it.
00:03:24.020 They weren't aware.
00:03:24.180 Okay, well, don't you think people all had generational trauma?
00:03:26.680 They lived through like famines and shit.
00:03:28.400 Yeah, a lot of people did.
00:03:30.780 And back in the day, they were told to shut up and sit down and get on with you.
00:03:34.200 But that's why there's a lot of trauma now.
00:03:35.820 But not everybody's born.
00:03:37.240 Who is told to shut up and get on with you?
00:03:38.120 Like in like...
00:03:39.360 The women? 0.95
00:03:40.440 I think the world might be better if we did.
00:03:42.860 No, back in the day, like for both men and women, you wouldn't necessarily express...
00:03:47.680 Especially men.
00:03:48.380 I mean, men have got... 0.56
00:03:49.100 That's a whole other topic.
00:03:50.440 Men have got extremely hard.
00:03:54.020 But it's only more recent days that it's, you know, mental health and access to treatment and stuff has come to light.
00:04:01.900 Like over the last like kind of what?
00:04:03.760 Five years-ish.
00:04:05.700 I don't know if that's right or not.
00:04:06.620 I think that mental health makes us crazier.
00:04:10.160 Yeah.
00:04:10.740 Yeah.
00:04:11.000 I think that mental health is actually...
00:04:12.800 I think psychologists or whatever make people crazy and don't fix them and actually make the problem worse.
00:04:19.940 Why?
00:04:20.380 What do you mean in terms of like...
00:04:22.440 So the last 20 years, have we had an increase in therapy or a decrease in therapy?
00:04:27.720 Increase.
00:04:28.460 Increase.
00:04:29.080 So in the last 20 years, have we had an increase in mental health problems?
00:04:34.200 Increase.
00:04:35.060 But that's because more people are aware and they're comfortable to seek help.
00:04:39.500 Back in the day, there was a massive stigma.
00:04:41.640 So you know what I think about therapy?
00:04:43.840 I think we were actually...
00:04:45.240 So the average woman used to have five kids, right? 0.83
00:04:47.680 And I think you were meant to talk about your problems with your family and your siblings.
00:04:52.040 But now we're in this society where women didn't have multiple kids. 1.00
00:04:55.920 They were in single parent homes.
00:04:58.000 And now we have no one to talk to.
00:05:00.160 No one that we feel close with.
00:05:02.140 And so I think it was meant to be your family.
00:05:04.500 And now you're talking to a stranger, which I'm in the psychology program, actually, at my school.
00:05:09.480 And I can tell you, these women in the program, dear God, don't go to them. 1.00
00:05:14.020 Dear God, they're nuts.
00:05:15.460 They're all freaking crazy.
00:05:17.320 I see the behind the scenes of who you guys are going to.
00:05:20.100 That's what the psychologists are.
00:05:21.560 Yeah, yeah, because they're all trying to be therapists, right?
00:05:24.200 Yeah, and they're always the craziest women. 1.00
00:05:26.100 I'm like, dear God, I hope you don't fix my mental health.
00:05:28.700 They probably have a passion for it because of that and it actually can make them more relatable.
00:05:32.300 Well, not all of them.
00:05:33.120 Of course, there's some that wouldn't be that good.
00:05:35.360 But then it's like, so we have to look at, are they fixing the problem?
00:05:40.300 Well, if the problem's getting worse, I can't say they're fixing it.
00:05:44.260 The problem is getting worse because, not worse, the statistics are worse because more people are coming forward and actually seeking help because it's okay.
00:05:52.280 Can we talk about how social media is actually making you worse?
00:05:55.040 Yeah, 100%.
00:05:56.000 Can I say one more thing?
00:05:57.040 You can't always speak to your family.
00:05:58.640 Most of the time, people who experience trauma, it's from their family.
00:06:02.080 So you would never be able to talk to your family.
00:06:03.820 You may be embarrassed.
00:06:05.800 Yeah.
00:06:06.040 And also, they could gaslight you.
00:06:07.580 They could make you think that it's not real.
00:06:09.220 Like, you can't go to your family and your experience.
00:06:11.600 Same thing a therapist could do as well.
00:06:13.020 Yeah.
00:06:13.440 So I'll go.
00:06:14.260 So that's why you're supposed to have five, like, they're supposed to have, like, five kids because you'd imagine one of your siblings would understand.
00:06:20.540 They've been through the same thing.
00:06:22.020 Yeah, you can get more confident of siblings probably.
00:06:24.440 And then number two, number two, that's the other thing.
00:06:26.760 The therapist, you kind of, you'll say your family will gaslight you.
00:06:30.960 Well, maybe you are overreacting.
00:06:32.860 Maybe you don't have trauma.
00:06:34.780 And the therapist is paid to tell you you have trauma, so you'll come back.
00:06:39.880 People, people, when people are suffering from severe mental health issues, they can feel so bad.
00:06:48.340 Like, it's obvious that it's real.
00:06:50.260 No one wants to feel bad.
00:06:52.300 Like, no one wants to be.
00:06:53.580 If they had the choice, they wouldn't be in that.
00:06:55.560 Okay.
00:06:55.920 So I'll give you one.
00:06:57.720 I do think there is severe trauma from men that come back from war.
00:07:02.140 Not you getting cheated on by your ex-boyfriend, Becky.
00:07:06.120 But that's a good point.
00:07:07.600 Most people that get cheated on and then it affects them so much, they've already got abandonment and trust issues from things that stem from their family.
00:07:13.680 People that are very secure and don't have that trauma, they can accept.
00:07:16.880 I think you should just get over it.
00:07:18.860 I think we should just get over stuff.
00:07:20.720 Yeah.
00:07:21.040 I think there's real problems.
00:07:22.840 Like, I think if you were graped, that's real trauma.
00:07:25.560 I think if you went to, like, war.
00:07:27.780 Yeah.
00:07:27.960 But, you know, you fighting with your mother, is that real?
00:07:30.860 You should just get over it.
00:07:32.100 It depends on why you're fighting.
00:07:34.040 It depends on so many things.
00:07:35.060 It depends on if you've had an unpredictable environment.
00:07:37.180 It depends if it started from.
00:07:38.140 I would say, like, abuse.
00:07:40.480 But there's a lot of abuse.
00:07:42.060 There's mental abuse.
00:07:42.960 There's a lot of abuse.
00:07:43.640 You know, you can't just say me grabbing you and being physical is abuse.
00:07:47.360 Mental abuse is a lot more harmful than physical abuse.
00:07:51.140 I do think if you were mentally, I think if you were real mentally abused, I think that a lot of times we add in all these things that are mental abuse that aren't really mental abuse.
00:08:01.640 But if you were seriously mentally abused, I'll give you that.
00:08:05.700 I'll give you that.
00:08:06.280 Yeah, and I also think I agree one tiny bit with you in that now people that aren't actually anxious.
00:08:15.260 The words are thrown about a bit too much.
00:08:17.300 If you're not really clinically anxious, not clinically depressed, we can't be like, oh, we're having a down day.
00:08:22.120 I'm depressed.
00:08:22.780 Oh, I'm a bit nervous.
00:08:23.620 I'm anxious.
00:08:24.660 Because actually, that invalidates the people that are suffering.
00:08:29.700 That invalidates the people that are suffering for real.
00:08:32.500 Some people are really suffering with that and then everyone's throwing the word around.
00:08:35.860 It's like, no, you don't actually understand.
00:08:37.860 Yeah, it's true.
00:08:38.100 It's true.
00:08:38.460 I do agree.
00:08:39.620 No, it's true.
00:08:40.160 Sometimes it's excuses.
00:08:41.840 It's just, you know, trying to make something check up on your friends.
00:08:45.620 Or it's thrown around so much that they just say it.
00:08:47.120 Ask them how they're doing, check up on your friends.
00:08:48.720 I also think, okay, because imagine, right, your sister's telling you about a problem.
00:08:53.120 You're going to have a completely different reaction because you know your sister.
00:08:58.120 So if your sister says, this person reacted to me this way, well, you know your sister's
00:09:02.260 a bitch. 1.00
00:09:02.960 So of course they reacted to you this way.
00:09:05.280 Damn.
00:09:05.720 But the therapist is going to say, aw, you poor thing. 1.00
00:09:10.300 You are not the problem.
00:09:11.940 But the family knows how the person is.
00:09:15.600 Now, I'm not saying take advice from every family member.
00:09:18.760 Certainly not your mother that, you know, maybe is a bit crazy, broke the whole family 0.99
00:09:23.180 up.
00:09:23.560 Don't ask advice from her.
00:09:25.060 But maybe your father, right?
00:09:26.660 The men are a little more logical.
00:09:28.220 They're trying to fix problems.
00:09:30.120 Yeah.
00:09:30.680 But a therapist will also make you go deeper into whatever that is.
00:09:34.080 Like, how do you interpret?
00:09:36.400 Yeah, yeah.
00:09:37.160 Being called a bitch.
00:09:37.840 The therapist, especially if they're women, they don't want to fix it. 1.00
00:09:40.640 They just want to talk about how it made you feel.
00:09:42.840 We should be looking to fix the problem.
00:09:45.280 What would solve this?
00:09:47.220 Obviously, they are meant to do that.
00:09:48.500 Also, as well as being empathetic, they should be something called developing discrepancy and
00:09:53.140 cognitive dissonance, which is saying like, for example, you're saying this on one hand,
00:09:57.340 you're saying that on the other hand, and you are meant to make people think twice as
00:10:01.140 well as being empathetic.
00:10:02.020 I went to therapy once.
00:10:03.400 Yeah, they didn't like me there.
00:10:06.160 I was just like, this is the dumbest thing I've ever, what?
00:10:08.840 What?
00:10:10.040 Why?
00:10:11.400 Because she wasn't trying to fix my problem.
00:10:13.900 She was just like asking.
00:10:14.900 And I'm like.
00:10:15.380 They're trying to keep you in your problems.
00:10:16.860 Yeah, yeah.
00:10:17.360 That's what it is.
00:10:18.180 I was like.
00:10:18.800 Trying to make you question yourself.
00:10:20.180 Yeah.
00:10:21.300 Trying to ask me about my childhood.
00:10:22.760 I'm like, what do you need to know about my childhood?
00:10:24.800 Where did it start from?
00:10:26.100 What does this have?
00:10:26.600 What does that have to do with where we are now?
00:10:28.220 That's because my trauma comes from childhood.
00:10:30.860 That's why they're still in that.
00:10:31.760 They trick you.
00:10:32.800 They trick you into thinking you had trauma.
00:10:35.820 Yeah.
00:10:35.920 I think that if you.
00:10:37.020 Okay, there was a girl that came from North Korea.
00:10:39.220 All right.
00:10:39.860 This woman had the craziest story. 1.00
00:10:42.300 She freaking was great.
00:10:44.560 She had.
00:10:45.080 She was running front.
00:10:46.180 Like, it was a very, very sad story.
00:10:48.360 And she was so confused.
00:10:49.640 Because when she got to America, like all these women were going to therapy over their 0.98
00:10:53.460 ex-boyfriends.
00:10:54.140 And she's like, I escaped North Korea.
00:10:56.140 I don't need therapy.
00:10:57.280 And she thought the idea of therapy was so dumb.
00:10:59.500 This is a woman that was literally. 0.68
00:11:02.960 Was escaping like communism.
00:11:05.660 I feel like some people have a different mindset.
00:11:09.060 Like if you really like strong mentally, you can overcome a lot of more things.
00:11:13.760 It's a lot of people that, you know, no disrespect, but are quite weak mentality, like mentally
00:11:19.720 tend to suffer a lot more like where it comes to things that happen to them.
00:11:24.940 And they kind of just suppress it into mental, like certain health and whatever.
00:11:29.280 All right.