Pearl BREAKS DOWN Why Men Turn TO CRIME
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
200.37703
Summary
In this episode, we talk about why it's important to know who you're dating before you start dating and how important it is to have a good relationship with your significant other. We also talk about generational trauma and the impact it can have on a person's mental health.
Transcript
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somebody that's good for you just because of what he'd done yesterday
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or before he met you, then you're living in a delusional world.
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But it's relevant as well because you only know what you know.
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And depending on how you've been brought up and where you're from,
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the people that you've been around, where your parents or your family are,
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it is relevant because you only know what you know.
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I think it's actually really smart to look at people's background when dating.
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Some people do, but I still do think that if a guy has a criminal background,
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I think it depends on what criminal background they have though
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because you can't look at us, oh, he's got a criminal record.
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Honestly, all of this really goes back to the women.
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Because it's like with these guys or girls or whatever come from these bad backgrounds, right?
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But why do they come from these bad backgrounds?
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Well, the women destroyed the home, most of them.
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The women either chose to have children with men that weren't fathers nor wanted to be fathers
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or they chose to leave their husband or their boyfriend, whatever it is.
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And then we're going back to the kids suffering, right?
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And now they're in this traumatic situation with like where they maybe make bad decisions.
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Because you said it's better to have children young,
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but actually you're more likely to make mistakes at that age
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What do you mean you're more likely to make mistakes?
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Because you're younger, you're not as well informed.
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I want to make sure I'm picking the right person.
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That's why some people I've dated in the past, I would not have a child with them.
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I think that you really just, you'll never know for sure.
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I think like, because what are you going to find out?
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Like you're never really going to know until you get married or until you live with someone.
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So it's like, I feel like women, like we operate in fear.
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Oh, something could go wrong where it's like, you just pick someone and make it work.
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Yeah, I think currently we know too much when it comes to life, society and choices.
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And because of that, every time we're trying to make a decision, we always have excuses.
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The thing is though, it's facts that some people are born into harder circumstances than others.
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Yeah, but that's why I always go back to our grandparents.
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What made our grandparents and our parents and our great-grandparents stay together?
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Knowing that they probably went through the same traumas, same experiences, same everything.
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But like what made them stay together versus our mindset now?
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But that's why we have things like intergenerational trauma.
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Intergenerational trauma is trauma passed down because people in the past didn't have access to mental health.
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Okay, well, don't you think people all had generational trauma?
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And back in the day, they were told to shut up and sit down and get on with you.
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No, back in the day, like for both men and women, you wouldn't necessarily express...
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But it's only more recent days that it's, you know, mental health and access to treatment and stuff has come to light.
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I think psychologists or whatever make people crazy and don't fix them and actually make the problem worse.
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So the last 20 years, have we had an increase in therapy or a decrease in therapy?
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So in the last 20 years, have we had an increase in mental health problems?
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But that's because more people are aware and they're comfortable to seek help.
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So the average woman used to have five kids, right?
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And I think you were meant to talk about your problems with your family and your siblings.
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But now we're in this society where women didn't have multiple kids.
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And now you're talking to a stranger, which I'm in the psychology program, actually, at my school.
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And I can tell you, these women in the program, dear God, don't go to them.
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I see the behind the scenes of who you guys are going to.
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Yeah, yeah, because they're all trying to be therapists, right?
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I'm like, dear God, I hope you don't fix my mental health.
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They probably have a passion for it because of that and it actually can make them more relatable.
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Of course, there's some that wouldn't be that good.
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But then it's like, so we have to look at, are they fixing the problem?
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Well, if the problem's getting worse, I can't say they're fixing it.
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The problem is getting worse because, not worse, the statistics are worse because more people are coming forward and actually seeking help because it's okay.
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Can we talk about how social media is actually making you worse?
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Most of the time, people who experience trauma, it's from their family.
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So you would never be able to talk to your family.
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Like, you can't go to your family and your experience.
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So that's why you're supposed to have five, like, they're supposed to have, like, five kids because you'd imagine one of your siblings would understand.
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Yeah, you can get more confident of siblings probably.
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And then number two, number two, that's the other thing.
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The therapist, you kind of, you'll say your family will gaslight you.
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And the therapist is paid to tell you you have trauma, so you'll come back.
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People, people, when people are suffering from severe mental health issues, they can feel so bad.
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If they had the choice, they wouldn't be in that.
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I do think there is severe trauma from men that come back from war.
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Not you getting cheated on by your ex-boyfriend, Becky.
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Most people that get cheated on and then it affects them so much, they've already got abandonment and trust issues from things that stem from their family.
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People that are very secure and don't have that trauma, they can accept.
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Like, I think if you were graped, that's real trauma.
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But, you know, you fighting with your mother, is that real?
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It depends on if you've had an unpredictable environment.
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You know, you can't just say me grabbing you and being physical is abuse.
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Mental abuse is a lot more harmful than physical abuse.
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I do think if you were mentally, I think if you were real mentally abused, I think that a lot of times we add in all these things that are mental abuse that aren't really mental abuse.
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But if you were seriously mentally abused, I'll give you that.
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Yeah, and I also think I agree one tiny bit with you in that now people that aren't actually anxious.
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If you're not really clinically anxious, not clinically depressed, we can't be like, oh, we're having a down day.
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Because actually, that invalidates the people that are suffering.
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That invalidates the people that are suffering for real.
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Some people are really suffering with that and then everyone's throwing the word around.
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It's just, you know, trying to make something check up on your friends.
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Or it's thrown around so much that they just say it.
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Ask them how they're doing, check up on your friends.
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I also think, okay, because imagine, right, your sister's telling you about a problem.
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You're going to have a completely different reaction because you know your sister.
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So if your sister says, this person reacted to me this way, well, you know your sister's
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But the therapist is going to say, aw, you poor thing.
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Now, I'm not saying take advice from every family member.
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Certainly not your mother that, you know, maybe is a bit crazy, broke the whole family
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But a therapist will also make you go deeper into whatever that is.
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The therapist, especially if they're women, they don't want to fix it.
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They just want to talk about how it made you feel.
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Also, as well as being empathetic, they should be something called developing discrepancy and
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cognitive dissonance, which is saying like, for example, you're saying this on one hand,
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you're saying that on the other hand, and you are meant to make people think twice as
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I was just like, this is the dumbest thing I've ever, what?
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I'm like, what do you need to know about my childhood?
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What does that have to do with where we are now?
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Okay, there was a girl that came from North Korea.
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Because when she got to America, like all these women were going to therapy over their
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And she thought the idea of therapy was so dumb.
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I feel like some people have a different mindset.
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Like if you really like strong mentally, you can overcome a lot of more things.
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It's a lot of people that, you know, no disrespect, but are quite weak mentality, like mentally
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tend to suffer a lot more like where it comes to things that happen to them.
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And they kind of just suppress it into mental, like certain health and whatever.