JustPearlyThings - April 04, 2023


Pearl Breaks Down Why Shame Is Necessary

Hosted by
Hannah Pearl Davis
She Tried To DEFEND Sex Workers And THIS HAPPENED The Modern Woman Got RED PILLED

Episode Stats


Length

12 minutes

Words per minute

182.24

Word count

2,349

Sentence count

—

Harmful content

Misogyny

10

sentences flagged

Toxicity

6

sentences flagged

Hate speech

5

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we are joined by our first guest, a very special guest who is a woman who has been through a lot in her life and has a lot of experience in the dating world. We talk about what it is like being in a long term relationship and how it has affected her and how she has dealt with the challenges that come with it.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 so I have a question for the girls did anyone feel like they got anything out
00:00:04.260 of the whole face like a positive experience anyone money for it what I
00:00:16.440 did get out of it was understanding myself and what I did want and what I
00:00:20.380 didn't want from like cuz there's one thing being in a long-term relationship
00:00:24.720 I've been in long-term relationships like my son died nine years my last
00:00:28.260 relationship for three years I got a lot from them but what you get out of it
00:00:32.400 like quite quickly is like your ics your dislikes you're okay I'm not gonna do
00:00:37.560 that I don't actually like that type of guy or I don't I maybe don't vibe with
00:00:41.520 this type of person so I got a lot from that do you think that whole phases make
00:00:45.360 women more picky yeah 100% cuz then you can go through men quite quickly and be 0.99
00:00:55.260 like make women less attached yes yeah I don't have a yes or 1 million person so
00:01:03.780 I don't know about that actually actually I was on my end you're speaking to one of
00:01:08.400 my best friends and she's slept with a few guys and she's in a relationship but she 1.00
00:01:14.760 and I and I kind of speak to her about you know like she we have a mutual
00:01:19.760 understanding of we don't kind of like it's still under 10 like way less under
00:01:35.300 10 but it's not one like me do you know I mean so for her and I said to her you
00:01:40.280 know that's a flex I speak to her about like power bonding and stuff like that and
00:01:48.020 she she said you know we have a very very respectful relationship where we
00:01:54.440 allow each other to fulfill our points and she would just say you know what
00:01:58.160 even though I'm in the relationship even cuz I've slept with more guys I love my
00:02:02.680 boyfriend but I can imagine not being with him I can you know imagine not drifting
00:02:08.940 away and because little things piss me off listen you know if me and him break
00:02:15.300 up if we divorce I'm going into deep-rooted depression I'm losing my job
00:02:20.460 I'm moving back in my parents I can't imagine but because I don't I'm not
00:02:25.800 looking I don't I can't even comprehend do you think that's healthy though to be
00:02:30.000 that attached that bonded to somebody that you don't like your end of your you
00:02:35.100 being an individual being on this planet on this earth yeah is so rooted in
00:02:39.840 somebody else's existence that if they died or even if they died sorry when I
00:02:44.160 be extreme there if you went if you weren't together anymore that you would
00:02:48.060 then lose yourself I mean I have a dog that we have a dog that's five years old and I know she's
00:03:03.960 gonna die in ten years and I will literally cry every day knowing that she's gonna die
00:03:07.500 before me but with him it's completely different and it's like yeah I can
00:03:11.640 understand how some people can see that as like a insecurity or like but like
00:03:18.900 some people may see as an insecurity or codependence and stuff like that but I
00:03:23.160 I think we I can I hope I can speak for that we choose to live our life
00:03:31.380 together as individuals we are very very different people and I think we we you
00:03:39.140 know we we choose to live together but can I ask you cannot do you think yeah
00:03:45.320 that you the reason why you feel that way is because you come from a different
00:03:49.400 world because you did say you came when you was a teen but you see your friend
00:03:53.180 that you're talking about was she born here yeah yeah she's she's English yeah and
00:03:56.540 this is why men are going to the east and finding wives I was here yeah actually all 0.98
00:04:03.800 the dating coaches say to go to yeah it's not it's not to buy a bride it's just like
00:04:18.080 they have more feminine traditional women that tend to be in shape and pretty 0.99
00:04:21.440 apparently I've never been to Poland yeah I mean I grew up going to school and you
00:04:26.660 know woman would be walking to school in high heels makeup ready yeah like I've been 1.00
00:04:32.400 to Germany which it's not Poland but yeah but it's like compared to America 0.65
00:04:39.000 and even here the girls are like ten times prettier like I was in this I go 0.59
00:04:42.540 to Russia I went to a wedding I was like oh my god like they would blow
00:04:45.540 everyone here out of the water does makeup and heels high heels define 1.00
00:04:49.500 femininity no no no I'm not naturally there is there is a standard that they
00:04:54.340 want to keep up they will always want to represent their men it's not it's not
00:04:57.880 it's a sense of vanity the same with our Latin women dressed in a certain way and 1.00
00:05:01.720 they have a certain standard of beauty and I do understand actually when you look
00:05:06.160 to certain extremities of the world you do see femininity in more in like higher 0.90
00:05:11.140 levels it's good for some people it's not good for some people do you understand
00:05:14.500 what I mean because actually when we look at these countries that have this sort
00:05:17.500 of thing realistically economically they are suffering in different ways which
00:05:20.740 means that we need to look at the society we have issues here but there's also
00:05:23.980 a certain way that we work that helps us actually survive there's corruption that's why
00:05:29.440 things are kind of messed up still but I say bring shame back
00:05:33.880 I find that is interesting because obviously we need shame is such a low vibration it's terrible I think what's going on
00:05:38.320 with though in the world nine everybody's acting concerned is that they don't
00:05:42.760 understand everybody's suffering mentally this is not about bringing shame this is about
00:05:49.760 you know everybody needs to be strong you don't need shame to be strong and you
00:05:54.760 you don't need shame to be strong you don't need shame to be strong you don't need shame to be strong and you need to understand what you're
00:06:01.760 wait wait wait wait you absolutely do need shame to be strong you do because it's like if your mom yells at you you learn not to do something like okay I'll give you an example I was overweight and then you don't
00:06:08.760 you know what made me lose weight the guys at work we're saying like oh I would
00:06:15.760 shame to be strong and you need to understand what your problem is wait wait wait you absolutely do
00:06:22.000 need shame to be strong you do because it's like if your mom yells at you you learn not to do
00:06:27.200 something like okay i'll give you an example i was overweight and then you know what made me lose
00:06:31.280 weight the guys at work were saying like oh i would never date a girl over 200 pounds and i
00:06:36.080 just hit two like 205 or something and i was like oh no i can't i can't be that girl but it's like
00:06:51.280 that the shame helped me but it's like you can either be a weak person and let shame break you
00:06:55.920 or you can be a strong person and let it motivate you okay let me give you an alternative that is
00:07:00.080 one of them you can shame somebody but you could also say do you know what you could be so much
00:07:04.560 more beautiful if you're healthier you know try something like that that's even better than the
00:07:11.040 shaming if that works then america wouldn't have a i can't say the word anymore an obesity issue
00:07:21.600 people genuinely mean like the body positivity that's huge in america we're huge it's not much
00:07:27.440 better here you guys are much less obese nope no that's what i'm saying do you know why we're not
00:07:32.640 why people here are more obese actually it's because they're not taught how to be better to
00:07:36.720 themselves for example i'm portuguese i know listen my diet listen the diet the the things that people
00:07:43.120 are miseducated all the time the food here is disgusting i'm not gonna lie i come from portugal
00:07:47.200 i know the difference between the population then the population here it's all because of miseducation
00:07:51.440 we are not taught to tell people to have the tools to independently grow that's it that's an
00:07:56.160 excuse for real it's an excuse it's not like jamie i'm not here in 2022 there is no excuse you have
00:08:03.760 access to the internet yeah i could type in a youtube video and get the world's best nutritionist giving
00:08:08.320 me a video on nutrition for free and it's pretty much common sense fruits vegetables common sense is not
00:08:13.920 common but at the same time if you've been programmed deep like reprogramming your brain
00:08:19.440 to eat a different way it is hard work so as a lazy society we're all lazy that's why we like to
00:08:25.840 watch quick gratification is a thing it's easy to press uber eats i come from a country of pork and 0.98
00:08:34.960 potatoes and yet all the fucking women yeah but genetics genetics go into it though polish food is 1.00
00:08:40.000 banging 100 percent my mom is one at a time one at a time we're not we're not doing the over talking 0.99
00:08:50.880 then go ahead go ahead my family everyone in my family is absolutely massive and i mean i look at a
00:08:57.280 packet of crisps and i put on like five kilos like my metabolism but i make conscious decisions and i mean
00:09:03.520 i reckon if i lived in poland i'd probably be stick thin i probably wouldn't you know be going to the
00:09:08.480 gym and trying to grow my legs and so forth i'd be trying to be as skinny as possible but you know i
00:09:14.320 chose a partner that's in the gym industry and he teaches me certain things other things i'll google
00:09:20.080 myself because he can't teach me about you know woman's nutrition it's it's all about accountability 1.00
00:09:25.600 and making your own choices and when i said earlier just coming back to my point because i i never finished
00:09:31.280 it i think there's a difference between shame and bullying i think it's different when you point 0.98
00:09:35.920 out to people oh you should be doing this because you're fat you're ugly you're i don't think we need 0.86
00:09:41.200 that as a society i just think that yourself you should be able to look at yourself and see and be 0.99
00:09:48.320 realistic and you know i mean in this country people go to freaking asda in slippers and pajamas and then
00:09:53.920 get back into their own bed in those clothes i mean i i put even that is it's not right for me like
00:10:00.400 do you want to put your best foot forward no matter where you go no i definitely think the
00:10:04.320 world needs like bullying and a little bit people being offended because if you ask anyone that's
00:10:10.480 actually successful they'll tell you the reason for their successes is their most negative parts of
00:10:14.800 their life winning doesn't teach anybody anything when you lose it motivates you to win like now in
00:10:21.600 school they're doing like no first second third place in school you know school um sports days you're
00:10:27.680 not teaching children to win like the guy who's the fastest doesn't feel special now because the
00:10:33.200 guy who's the slowest got the same medal as him you should know that he's the slowest so there's a gap
00:10:38.400 like now everything's kind of all blurred lines there's no definitive kind of clear winner and everybody
00:10:44.000 wants to be the winner but they don't actually have the ability or the skills to be the winner so
00:10:48.560 it's like you need somebody to come and ruffle feathers a little bit in the military that's what they do they
00:10:53.680 break you down i was in the military for six years and they literally they break you down they like
00:10:58.800 throw your bed mattress out the window your this is to make you the best that you can possibly be
00:11:04.640 so i i agree with it on some sides of things but at the same time there's a line i would also like
00:11:11.360 to add it always always seems like this aversion to negative um feedback is always kind of it's always
00:11:19.440 behind a goal to make people less competitive i've never heard someone say oh we shouldn't be
00:11:25.040 negative because it will make you better it's always kind of like to placate at best i've never
00:11:29.920 heard anyone you know coaching someone or trying to reach for excellence say actually let's not let's
00:11:34.960 not tell you what's bad about yourself because you might stop working hard and i just think that's
00:11:38.400 quite interesting that at best you're trying to placate i think that's a really interesting point
00:11:43.040 especially in um between females we're always told don't compare yourself don't ever look at
00:11:48.560 another woman i mean i personally think like how do you know if you're doing good or not if you're
00:11:52.560 not comparing yourself i mean my mom never compared me to other people but it was like
00:11:57.920 well you know um you got an a and she got an a star well it's like if you don't compare the
00:12:03.920 world will for you yeah the world isn't blind you set standards like you you know and i always say
00:12:09.920 like you know when you walk into a room with your friends you know who your prettiest friend is
00:12:13.040 like there's a girl i'm thinking of on my team and i was explaining this dirt she was like what 1.00
00:12:25.440 her as many of you know i was just banned on tick tock and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this
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