JustPearlyThings - July 18, 2023


Pearl CALLS OUT This Trait In Modern Women


Episode Stats


Length

7 minutes

Words per minute

205.65047

Word count

1,565

Sentence count

179

Harmful content

Misogyny

12

sentences flagged

Hate speech

9

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we talk about relationships with narcissists and how they can effect our mental health. We also talk about the pros and cons of being in a relationship with a narcissist and how to deal with them.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 What do you guys think of that, stay-at-home dads?
00:00:02.400 Yeah, long.
00:00:03.760 Long.
00:00:04.480 Peak.
00:00:05.180 It's a woman's job. 1.00
00:00:07.180 It's a woman's job. 1.00
00:00:07.880 I would, yeah, it's a woman's job. 1.00
00:00:09.460 We're not, yeah, it is a woman's job to stay at home and look after the house, 1.00
00:00:12.600 look after the children, and, like, at the end of the day, like,
00:00:16.320 I've not had kids, but I know if I do have kids, and if I do, it's a big if.
00:00:22.620 I don't really want children, to be honest.
00:00:24.440 You don't want kids? 0.99
00:00:26.820 I do and I don't.
00:00:27.680 I just look at society today and I think, what the?
00:00:30.800 So wouldn't that give you more motivation to raise good kids?
00:00:35.080 Yeah, but.
00:00:35.740 To fix it?
00:00:36.240 And it's not like, like, I wouldn't just have a child with just anyone, like,
00:00:41.500 I'd have to look.
00:00:42.060 Not just anyone, like the right guy.
00:00:43.440 Yeah, the right guy.
00:00:44.140 It might be a bit different story, but I don't think I've really met him yet,
00:00:46.540 so I have to cross that bridge when I come to it.
00:00:48.960 Yeah, have you ever had, like, a long-term relationship?
00:00:52.060 What was wrong with him?
00:00:54.120 I really hope he's not watching this.
00:00:55.740 Yeah, what was wrong with him?
00:00:59.780 We just grew apart, really.
00:01:01.500 What was wrong with him?
00:01:02.420 He was a narcissist.
00:01:04.280 No.
00:01:04.940 Yeah, he was a major narcissist.
00:01:06.400 Major, major, major narcissist.
00:01:07.580 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:01:08.480 What did he do to be, that was a narcissistic?
00:01:12.220 What was narcissistic?
00:01:13.680 Yeah, like, what did he do?
00:01:15.020 Like, it's like, because I would imagine if he's a narcissist,
00:01:17.520 he must have been doing crazy stuff.
00:01:19.240 Like, I wouldn't say he's what you would call a stereotypical narcissist.
00:01:22.400 So he's a special narcissist.
00:01:24.920 He's not like a direct narcissist 24-7 that would sit there and beat you down to a pulp.
00:01:28.900 He wouldn't do that, that, but it would come across more like patronizing,
00:01:32.720 if that makes sense, like belittling, patronizing.
00:01:34.680 Okay, I gotta be honest.
00:01:36.060 Beating someone to a pulp is not narcissism, though.
00:01:38.840 I've been punched.
00:01:39.580 Yeah, but that's not what narcissism means.
00:01:44.700 No, narcissism, let me get the words out.
00:01:47.700 Narcissism is when you don't really care about anyone but yourself.
00:01:52.020 And towards the end, at the first start of the relationship, no, I would say I didn't see that.
00:01:56.800 I didn't see that at all.
00:01:57.740 But then when you start getting like six months down the line or a year down the line
00:02:01.540 and you start seeing sides of someone that you thought you knew but are completely different.
00:02:05.980 Okay, like what?
00:02:07.320 So, for example, he has, like, I went to university quite a lot.
00:02:14.660 And for me, that was a big step in my life.
00:02:17.540 And it just, like, I don't know, like, it was just never happy for me.
00:02:22.740 Or say if I, probably not the best of examples we're talking about, like, say if I went out
00:02:27.420 for my friends for one of my friends' birthdays.
00:02:29.540 But at the time, obviously, I look at it a little bit differently now.
00:02:33.420 But at the time, yeah, I would see him as a massive narcissist because he wouldn't let
00:02:37.460 me go out for a dinner with my friends, for example.
00:02:40.340 Or...
00:02:40.460 But this is like...
00:02:41.420 And he didn't like my parents.
00:02:43.000 Okay.
00:02:43.460 But this is, like, all small.
00:02:44.940 Like, this is a crazy big...
00:02:46.840 Big thing.
00:02:47.580 Because no, it's really horrible to say.
00:02:49.080 I just don't know why, like, women just call everybody a narcissist. 0.97
00:02:53.020 You realize it's one...
00:02:54.260 Maybe you've just done so many things.
00:02:55.700 Right.
00:02:55.940 It's 1% of the population is a narcissist.
00:03:00.480 So it's unlikely that you would even meet a narcissist, much less a date.
00:03:04.320 And so the odds of you actually dating a narcissist is, like, slim.
00:03:08.860 Yeah.
00:03:09.020 So I'd imagine if you're calling him a narcissist, there's, like, a diagnosis.
00:03:13.180 Yeah.
00:03:13.500 Which I don't...
00:03:14.700 I don't...
00:03:15.620 He had a professional diagnosis?
00:03:17.800 No, no.
00:03:18.320 Okay, okay.
00:03:19.080 So then I would imagine there was, like, some crazy things.
00:03:22.100 Yeah.
00:03:22.920 But now it's, like, he didn't want me to go to dinner with my friends.
00:03:26.860 Yeah.
00:03:27.180 He didn't really like my parents.
00:03:29.180 No, he wasn't happy for me.
00:03:31.220 No, I mean, but I've...
00:03:32.580 I sound like a narcissist, though, when you say something like that.
00:03:36.840 Towards the end of the relationship, something really quite drastic happened.
00:03:40.380 And obviously, it's not really nice to talk about.
00:03:41.660 It's not a nice situation for anyone to go to, especially any female. 1.00
00:03:45.080 Yeah.
00:03:45.280 If that makes sort of sense.
00:03:46.540 What, did he cheat?
00:03:47.160 No, no, no, he didn't cheat.
00:03:48.820 But I needed him there when it was probably the most important time in both of our relationships
00:03:53.840 together.
00:03:54.580 Uh-huh.
00:03:54.780 Not just on an individual basis.
00:03:56.740 Did someone die?
00:03:57.700 No, no.
00:03:58.160 So, not to that extent, no.
00:04:01.160 But so, basically, I found out I was pregnant with him.
00:04:04.980 Obviously, I told him.
00:04:06.000 And then we were in a relationship for about two years, two and a half years at this point.
00:04:09.200 And that's it.
00:04:11.780 We had a row.
00:04:12.740 And I just said, I don't want to talk to you right now.
00:04:14.060 And do you think I didn't hear from him about four months?
00:04:17.120 Five months?
00:04:17.860 Oh, he ghosted.
00:04:18.980 Completely blocked me off.
00:04:20.620 Did you...
00:04:21.100 Were you on birth control?
00:04:22.620 Yeah.
00:04:23.400 Okay.
00:04:23.840 So, he probably felt deceived.
00:04:26.760 I can understand that.
00:04:27.680 That's probably what he...
00:04:28.640 Like, I'm telling you guys' point of view.
00:04:30.880 No, I can completely understand.
00:04:32.280 So, I don't think that's a narcissist.
00:04:34.040 I think he was just like, this bitch told me she was on birth control. 1.00
00:04:37.520 No offense.
00:04:38.280 You seem actually very nice.
00:04:39.580 Thank you.
00:04:40.060 I use bitch sometimes. 1.00
00:04:41.740 It's not of you.
00:04:42.060 Oh, it's all right.
00:04:42.580 I think I'm worse than that.
00:04:43.620 Yeah, yeah.
00:04:43.920 I think my skin's a bit quicker than that.
00:04:46.000 So...
00:04:46.280 But you see what I'm saying?
00:04:48.280 Yeah, no.
00:04:48.700 This just doesn't scream like narcissist to me.
00:04:51.720 And he was very boring as well.
00:04:54.080 Oh, girl.
00:04:54.860 He was very boring.
00:04:55.760 No, he was.
00:04:56.420 He was so boring.
00:04:57.380 Are narcissists usually boring?
00:04:59.480 No, but...
00:05:00.180 Do you know how the story sounds?
00:05:01.160 It's true.
00:05:01.940 It sounds so pathetic, doesn't it?
00:05:03.340 It's so bad.
00:05:04.080 It's absolutely shocking.
00:05:04.940 No, but I think sometimes as women, we tell stories and we don't even know how they sound.
00:05:08.840 No, of course we don't.
00:05:09.780 Us women, we're all biased to believe our... 1.00
00:05:11.760 I think us as individuals, anyone, anyone, men and women are biased to believe their own stories.
00:05:16.160 But women especially will tell themselves a story to try and make themselves feel a little bit better about the situation. 1.00
00:05:20.420 And realistically, it's just an oddball.
00:05:22.600 I've just had so many chicks say they dated narcissists. 1.00
00:05:25.160 And I'm like, it's 1% of the population.
00:05:27.080 You can't have all dated narcissists.
00:05:28.520 Maybe not narcissists directly then, but maybe they would have shown or portrayed narcissistic behavior throughout them.
00:05:33.700 Do you think you ever have narcissistic behavior?
00:05:35.520 Oh, without a doubt.
00:05:37.140 Okay, are you a narcissist?
00:05:38.900 I wouldn't say I'm directly a narcissist.
00:05:40.620 Okay.
00:05:41.460 But I have...
00:05:42.880 Amen.
00:05:43.280 I can be...
00:05:44.200 I love this.
00:05:44.720 I can have very narcissistic tendencies sometimes.
00:05:47.580 And I'll put my hands up to that.
00:05:48.740 All right, all right.
00:05:49.240 Who's more narcissistic, men or women?
00:05:52.240 Give me a context.
00:05:53.200 What's more narcissistic, social media or video games?
00:05:58.160 Social media.
00:06:00.420 Who's more addicted to what?
00:06:04.560 That's where it comes in, really.
00:06:07.360 Neither are a problem until they become a problem and they're used in excess.
00:06:11.940 Okay, okay, okay.
00:06:12.760 But no, no, no.
00:06:13.280 Answer the question.
00:06:14.360 What's more narcissistic?
00:06:16.680 Probably social media.
00:06:17.700 What's your screen time?
00:06:20.220 Should we have a look?
00:06:21.280 I don't even want to have a look.
00:06:22.020 This is going to make me feel sick.
00:06:23.000 It's all right.
00:06:23.580 It's all right.
00:06:24.160 Okay, you won't be the first.
00:06:26.160 You won't be the last.
00:06:26.860 I use this phone for work as well, baby.
00:06:28.380 I'm not trying to make myself feel any better.
00:06:30.200 How do you find it?
00:06:31.320 What's the Instagram time?
00:06:33.200 You know what I mean?
00:06:33.720 How do you find screen time?
00:06:34.800 Settings.
00:06:35.080 Settings.
00:06:36.940 Should be there.
00:06:37.900 Then where?
00:06:38.460 The average ticket's like six or seven hours a day.
00:06:42.600 That's probably a lie.
00:06:43.540 On social media.
00:06:44.260 Did you see it?
00:06:45.620 11 hours a day.
00:06:48.560 11 hours a day.
00:06:49.700 Yeah, this is my work find as well.
00:06:51.240 So who do you think was more narcissistic?
00:06:55.100 Probably me, to be honest.
00:06:56.860 Now you're putting me in that sort of context.
00:06:58.460 Probably me, to be honest.
00:07:00.260 Yeah.
00:07:01.680 Because, you know, instead of thinking of where he was coming from when he ghosted you,
00:07:06.360 you were like, oh, he wasn't there for me.
00:07:08.120 So it's like a me, me, me mentality.
00:07:09.720 Oh, definitely.
00:07:10.200 But if you're on birth, you just probably thought, right?
00:07:13.060 It was a guy, isn't that what you would think if she was on birth control and then she got 1.00
00:07:16.420 pregnant? 0.57
00:07:17.600 Bamboo.
00:07:18.000 I mean, that's just what I hear from you.
00:07:18.940 I was bamboozled.
00:07:20.420 I was absolutely bamboozled.
00:07:21.460 I mean, you may have been, but I'm just telling you how it looks to, like, because if we're
00:07:24.660 on a birth control that's 98, 99% effective, we can only get pregnant three days of the month.
00:07:30.240 So if you get pregnant, it's like the guys are kind of like, ah, how did this happen?