Pearl DEBUNKS Abusive Relationships
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
197.70508
Summary
In this episode, we are joined by a very special guest who is a family court judge in San Francisco, CA. We talk about abuse in the family court system, what it's like to be a judge, and what it means to be in the court system.
Transcript
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to be involved in their kids lives like men they i've had guys cry about trying like i want to be
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involved in my kids like all i want to do is see my son and yet they act like these men are just
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running around deadbeat dads getting everyone pregnant it's just not true yeah i don't buy into
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it what i don't buy into it at all dads all the dads i know are extremely about their kids lives
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want to be involved in every way shape or form i don't know how this is happening but what percent
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how many judges did you have on your case just one or did they switch they do switch routinely but
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for the most part it's been one the whole time i guess in the very very beginning it was a judge
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and then it switched and then now i believe it's switching again for the first time but mostly it
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was the same judge for this were they men or women it's been women yeah but i think the new judges
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is a guy the guy it's really interesting and there's the appeal court too and that's a separate
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thing the what i'm doing an appeal right now of the decision um from the family court appeal court's
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like higher than them and you appeal and i don't know who the judge will be on that so how does it
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work so they made a decision and then you appeal it and it goes to a higher court yeah you basically
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get their reasoning for why they made the decisions they did because they do these findings of fact and
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they have like numbers and they put all these different things that they found and then at the end
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they put an order of custody and different things um and you just specifically challenge which things
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and give you a reasoning and evidence as to why you don't believe they made a proper finding
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what's your experience been like in the court like with the judges do they typically do you think
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they're biased do you think they're left or no i would say i think in san francisco it'd be more
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likely that people um would tend to be left-wing politically but judges are supposed to leave their
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politics at the door you know just isn't supposed to be blind um that's at least the ideal and i'd
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hope that that's how it would be yeah i think a lot of them are like feminists to be honest a lot
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of like i found that it's female judges a lot that are like kind of indoctrinated in the same
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feminist that in the uk i don't know much about the u.s court system i'm like new to but in the uk um
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like a lot of them they attend these liberal universities and they come into um they come
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into the court system where gosh i can't remember what it's called but their way they're trained
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is i cannot remember the name but it's under like a feminist program okay so a lot of them it's and
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it's the same way they see abuse it's through like a feminist lens where they always look at
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the stronger person as the abuser okay and that's how they're literally like trained the duluth model
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that's what it's called the duluth model is what they use to train all police officers and all judges
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and people really yes yeah you should look into it it's a it's a rabbit hole that's really scary
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sounding yeah and it was like it was implemented in i think the 70s or something do you think that guys
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are are more likely the abuser or that's just a narrative and like no i think women are more
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likely to abuse uh i mean it depends like what what is your bar for abuse we'll say real abuse
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yeah right but i mean i think women are more likely because i think like you see it all the time girls
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will like hit a dude right and and semi-seriously right and okay maybe it doesn't hurt him or whatever
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but like if we're gonna make the bar hitting women definitely do that shit more like they definitely
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do and i think men are kind of embarrassed like no guy wants to go to the police right and say i'm
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getting beat up by my chick that's embarrassing for sure so i really think when it comes to one
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well i won i think most abusive relationships real ones they're doing it to each other i think they're
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both probably crazy they're both probably toxic and there's studies that that say this when it comes
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to one-sided abuse that women hit men more than men hit women but most abusive relationships are both
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that's really interesting yeah i mean from my studies i've i've seen more that women are more
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common to be the ones actually abusing physically wow what study are you talking about i don't recall
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off the top of my head i have so many different numbers in my brain for all this custody stuff i
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study at once but i saw that what are the most like damning numbers you've found from like your
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custody research i mean probably the ones we talked about earlier just regarding like single
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motherhood and then 90 of homelessness and like 70 something percent of prison inmates and all that
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i think that's the biggest yeah well and i've spoken to freaking um homeless like guys that run
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homeless shelters and that's what they'll tell me like the majority of the homeless are from these
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like multi like these baby mamas basically that had like three or four different baby daddies and
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like none of them in their lives and then they got taken and like put into foster care it's a real
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problem yeah it's it's tragic i i think we have a serious homeless problem it's scary yeah and it's
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like okay you don't think that maybe in those situations the men should have custody when she's
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got four different baby father i'm like are you crazy yeah that seems like a good time to think that
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the dad should have custody for sure four different dads like if it was reversed yeah i don't think
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the court would think you're a very good person if you had impregnated four different women i think
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the court would by default consider you a bad person but when it's the other way they're just
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like oh let's you know yeah no it's a double standard it's such a double standard it's like
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women can do no wrong in this society right and no matter what they're the better parent when it's
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like what evidence do we have that that's true there's no evidence yeah there's there's not i mean
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thankfully we have the evidence that we have now to show and hopefully we can make some changes and
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have dads continue to fight because society is not working having all these problems
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i'm single and single motherhood homes and divorce it's we definitely have to do something to change
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it yeah have you looked at all into because that's like my next thing i want to look into like what
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would need to happen to change the laws have you looked into that at all like specifically like you
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have like how to like get a bill in and i'm not exactly sure but that's an interesting thought
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because i think it should be 50 50 across the board and then when do you think it should
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go to one parent or to the dad or well actually false accusations abuse well you know honestly
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if we're gonna go the way i feel i actually think that whoever leaves should the other should get cut
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like even if they're not married or specifically i don't know i haven't thought this through i i honestly
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i think that dads should i'm a little sexist i think dads should get primary custody just because
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the numbers say they do better and i think you know if we're gonna go for the equality thing maybe
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50 50 but i i don't know i just i think we need to stop incentivizing women to break up families
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i think that's the biggest thing i think alimony should be gone i think child support should be gone
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i think all of these rewards for women making bad decisions just need to go immediately and i would
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even go as far to say that maybe there should be a consequence for her breaking up the home
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i could i could see that helping for sure because it's it's definitely incentivized and you can look at
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when it started happening i think around like the 60s right we put a welfare state and what's happened
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since then is divorce single parent homes kids decline gender ideology all these things
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so i'd be curious to see that happen too are you on um child support at all i'm not on okay there's
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no child support orders right now okay 50 50 okay i was wondering some people have 50 50 though and
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one parent still pays child really that's that's what i was wondering if if it's 50 50 is that
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automatically no child support yes it's not automatic that might be like what they tend to
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go towards but basically it's just on income regardless of the custody
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wow it's actually crazy to me that it took you a year and a half to see your son and there was no
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consequence yeah 15 months i mean like the most horrific 15 months of your life it's like a part of
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you isn't there you know for no good reason and you want nothing more than to find that other part of
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you and you know hold him see him be with him and you didn't get to do that for 15 months
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and that's just not yeah no repercussion that's so sad