JustPearlyThings - July 04, 2023


Pearl DESTROYED This Modern Woman


Episode Stats


Length

15 minutes

Words per minute

191.50992

Word count

2,973

Sentence count

2

Harmful content

Misogyny

26

sentences flagged

Hate speech

15

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we talk about the single life and how it's a choice to be single or not. We discuss the benefits of being single vs. being in a monogamous relationship and how to deal with the loneliness that can come from being single.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 you know what i wonder because like then who if you don't get married who takes care of you
00:00:06.160 you can take care of yourself mature people why we are well no but i'm saying at some
00:00:11.520 point you're gonna have health that everyone does but can i just say something like we don't need
00:00:15.600 there's there's there's a difference between a woman choosing to be single because i feel that 0.94
00:00:22.640 it's always a choice for women it is always a choice for men as well it's a choice for men
00:00:26.800 no it's not not when not when one out of three men are sexless it's not a choice
00:00:35.600 it's not like there's a whole group of men that have no choice because no women want them most
00:00:40.080 men didn't even reproduce historically only 40 of men reproduced but so how does that take away from
00:00:47.040 the because because again because women what all right now in modern times what what starts 0.99
00:00:51.760 relationships sex right women are in control of sex there's always someone willing to sleep with 1.00
00:00:57.520 a woman there's always someone willing to date a woman that is true always there's not always someone 0.54
00:01:02.320 willing to date a man right that may be so so therefore women always have choice men do not 0.91
00:01:07.920 okay let me tell you why that is true and also not true okay because in the beginning yes you're right
00:01:14.080 a woman does have control of the sex part in terms of like introducing sex but once the sex relationship 1.00
00:01:21.440 is established the power dynamics completely change you're you're right you're right but my point
00:01:26.400 is where does it start and you you may be you some of you guys are a bit older but in modern times
00:01:32.000 in modern times and most relationships start with sex no if you yes i mean i'm not maybe in tinder
00:01:38.400 and tinder dating apps are the number one people way people are meeting under the age of 30.
00:01:43.120 yeah come on you you know because we can't we can't speak from a personal experience because we have to
00:01:48.160 speak right right speaking from a general experience yeah yeah so i understand that but we can't ignore
00:01:54.000 the fact that that the power dynamics do change with men in terms of they take leadership of where
00:01:58.640 the relationship will go most women actually wait on the man to be to define the relationship whether 1.00
00:02:06.320 where we are where are we women but we pick the type of men we date right so you so you either pick a 1.00
00:02:11.840 marriage-minded guy or you don't it's true that's true as well that's very true but what i'm saying in terms
00:02:17.280 of like wait until you're 60 you could for example i was i was in a relationship for 13 years was
00:02:22.560 married um i got married quite young well some would say i'm young 24 years old um and then in my late
00:02:30.240 20s i was my first partner from the time i was 16 years old so i start actually dating dating at the
00:02:35.840 age of 28 right and i'm in my mid-30s now um i've only been let's say single roughly around six years
00:02:43.920 so now i'm now looking for a relationship because i love love i want to be in a relationship i want
00:02:48.880 to be married again i love companionship i believe in idea i believe in the idea um but i can find a
00:02:55.440 partner and we may be married for like 20 years so let's say 45 55 i'm not saying i'm not putting that
00:03:01.920 into the atmosphere i hope that is for life but let's say we may be married for 20 years and anything
00:03:07.280 can happen it might be a loss people lose you know i lost my close friend my best friend in january and
00:03:13.600 her partner now is a widow for example and he's only in his they're both in the mid 30s so anything can
00:03:18.880 happen it could be life we all we're not the same people as we are 10 years ago one of the reasons i
00:03:24.960 don't i don't think that matters though i don't think it matters because you know why because i say
00:03:29.680 oh 100 it matters i'm gonna go to that point but what i'm trying to say is so now 50 you're 55 for whatever
00:03:35.280 reason now the separation you know is it's done um i don't think that you take away your experience
00:03:42.960 that you've had for the past 20 years so you had a good 20 years of experience just like many people
00:03:47.920 like our grandparents a lot of them lose their partners um but they still are you know yeah they
00:03:54.720 become lonely but sometimes it's not all about choices sometimes things in life happens as humans
00:04:00.080 we're human individually well no but i would say the majority of single women it's a choice 1.00
00:04:04.880 i mean i mean we could we could talk about being a widow that's an exception but the rule is it's a 0.98
00:04:08.720 choice women leave relationships men don't why do after there's context behind that no one leaves i 0.90
00:04:13.280 think women will always make up a reason there's always some reason like grow apart marriage isn't 1.00
00:04:18.080 about growing apart it's not about liking your partner it's about duty 100 so when the juice exactly
00:04:23.840 so both men so i have a role in my marriage and the man has a role in his marriage so what if the man
00:04:29.840 is not fulfilling those those marriages remember well but then it's like it's so hypocritical because it's like
00:04:34.640 well women are supposed to be virgins on their wedding night most women are virgins on their 1.00
00:04:38.160 wedding night so we're not perfect either but yet we expect perfection from our husband no there's
00:04:42.800 not perfection no one's expecting perfection i literally just asked there are duties i'm not
00:04:48.000 perfect neither is he i'm not no one's talking about perfections here we're talking about standard
00:04:52.960 expectations right within a marriage so if that man for example because um you you said people change
00:05:00.080 people i mean the matter of changing doesn't um exist for someone i got to know i mean it doesn't
00:05:05.600 exist but it doesn't i said i i think i implied it was a silly reason for divorce and the reason why
00:05:10.400 i say that for example i met my partner at 16 years old right in college right when you meet someone at
00:05:16.320 16 with both kids the what you're looking for a partner in your when you're 16 it's completely different
00:05:22.320 when you become an adult oh you know who now knows in a way what they want because they become they
00:05:28.240 come into their own adulthood you know who they are as a person so in that time as we're growing up
00:05:33.920 as when we became adults we got to a point where we both knew in a way because you i think someone
00:05:39.920 mentioned about compatibility right there there is more to marriage and relationships than love
00:05:45.920 there's other thing that constitutes marriage we both didn't understand what constituted marriage
00:05:50.320 maybe because of our age at the time uh we didn't have that we weren't equipped with the right mindset
00:05:55.520 when we got into the situation because it's not just oh i love you let's get married so what is
00:05:59.680 what does that mean though i need a specific example so what i'm saying to you is if you if two people
00:06:04.000 that are not compatible end up in the marriage there are things that are going to happen eventually
00:06:08.880 that's going to bring up issues either resentment towards each other because one person is expecting
00:06:13.520 that person to mirror the other person that's going and that goes vice versa between men well what is
00:06:17.280 the i can have a specific example of what this means because i it's just this is very broad so i need
00:06:21.840 any okay so for example a man for example you're in a relationship and let's say you start earning
00:06:29.120 more than your partner because we're growing signing more than your partner um you both grow halves on
00:06:34.240 each other but for some reason that man okay feels less than a man because he's earning less than you
00:06:42.080 now this is not nothing really that i can actually do because that's an individual thing for a person i would
00:06:48.880 ask why he feels that way because a lot of times what women do is they throw it in the guy's face 0.90
00:06:53.360 and they constantly bring a lot of women do a lot of women do but i'm not i'm not talking about you
00:06:59.280 it's wrong and it's unfair and yeah but i'm not but i'm not talking about a lot of women do but i think
00:07:05.440 sometimes as well we have to be very balanced in terms of sometimes we push this narrative that women 1.00
00:07:11.200 there's top there's 100 toxic women that you're speaking of but we're not talking in this context so
00:07:16.960 there are there are sometimes that men within themselves feel that they haven't found themselves
00:07:21.520 which is in a way in our 20s we're still finding ourselves and then they may feel inferior because
00:07:26.000 they might be earning less and then i've never heard a guy talk about finding himself that's like
00:07:33.600 i've heard guys talk about maturing but i i've but that's that's maturing is finding yourself
00:07:41.360 typically when men talk about finding themselves is because they've heard it a lot from women and they
00:07:45.440 know that that is a language that works with women so most of the time they're just lying to you 1.00
00:07:49.280 because they want to get something from you can i can i suggest that's a language i'm sorry when
00:07:53.360 you're talking about um they've heard it from women sometimes it's not it could be a very it could be
00:07:57.760 various circumstances that come about that a man has to find himself it could be yes he's come out of
00:08:02.640 a relationship it could be he's trying to find the right career it could be it could be it could be
00:08:08.720 a religious from a religious perspective he needs to look within himself to to you know become this
00:08:12.960 greater being it's not just and we're putting a lot of things oh it's the women it's the women 1.00
00:08:16.800 and not a woman throwing something in the mouth the reason we say it's the woman because the data
00:08:21.120 indicates that it is so the data the data talks about who files for a divorce you can just look
00:08:28.400 it up so what do you mean there's no context what i'm saying to you is you said statistics
00:08:36.160 statistics might be fact in the western world because that's what the stick but i don't know yeah uk and
00:08:40.160 us okay but there is no context as to the reasons why because i'll tell you something why i why i'm
00:08:47.840 saying this a woman will stick more in a relationship a toxic relationship an abusive relationship for 1.00
00:08:54.960 many many many many many many more years than a man would women pick toxic relationships so they don't 0.98
00:09:04.240 how do you how do you how do you get into a relationship with someone if you don't pick them
00:09:07.840 because people change this is an excuse that women use this is an excuse that women use to justify 1.00
00:09:23.680 picking poorly so 90 90 of the time when women are in toxic relationships it's because they didn't get 1.00
00:09:29.440 their father's advice their brother's advice or their friend's advice half the time they're everybody is
00:09:35.200 warning them telling them not to date them and they do anyway are you the same person you are 10 years
00:09:39.600 ago you am am i the same person i would say i have very similar traits than i did 10 years ago
00:09:45.040 and i just think i don't think i don't think this stuff matters like i just think because nobody when
00:09:56.400 you take vows it's for better or for worse and sickness and it's not it's not it's not it's not for
00:10:00.960 when for when we grow apart no that's not the reason i'm not a man obviously but i think a man will leave
00:10:08.960 if he's not if he's not 100 there and he doesn't want to be with you he will leave he would disrespect
00:10:15.200 you he will not call you he will not return those messages he's left he's not interested you're holding
00:10:20.400 on to something you're you're almost like begging to be with somebody you're trying to make this work
00:10:25.520 a woman will do that but a man has already left and men but the men don't leave the majority of the 0.78
00:10:31.040 the time when they're cheating when they're speaking it's only a small percentage of men
00:10:40.160 that can cheat it's a very small percentage of men that actually can can i add dynamic
00:10:51.280 it also takes courage and good that you're saying that a lot of women are the one who leaves it takes
00:10:58.720 courage to leave a relationship no i disagree it does especially in a society that sees
00:11:06.880 it takes courage to do the easy thing no what's the easy thing the easy thing is to leave
00:11:13.280 have you been married before this is this is the crazy thing
00:11:21.440 what i want to see because you're making it personal when it's not personal
00:11:39.440 because i asked pearl i'm having a really normal constructive um conversation for you
00:11:49.200 i shared my experience within my marriage and i said to you i got with someone that was 16 we're both
00:11:53.840 young yeah and i think at 16 like i said your your your views and relationship in terms of what you want
00:11:59.360 is very different when you think i understand your point of view that if a woman at a certain age 0.69
00:12:05.440 when they're adults now should make now healthier choices and better decisions so when they do
00:12:12.000 make those choices as adults they should make you know healthier and better decisions so when they
00:12:17.440 are in the marriage that that marriage actually is a healthy marriage i understand that point of view
00:12:21.920 but when i'm giving you examples i'm saying that there's a lot of context behind your so-called
00:12:26.240 statistics that you get from wherever you get but when i ask you are you married it's not a dig at you
00:12:32.160 it's because you can only speak of what like our knowledge and our experience our knowledge
00:12:41.680 i don't think i don't think the person i don't think the person i don't think the person
00:12:46.160 i don't think that the person saying something matters is it true or is it not true is it harder
00:12:51.200 to stick something out or to leave like you can only know that if you've been in someone's shoes
00:12:55.120 it makes no sense unless you've been in someone's shoes the question you want to ask if she was
00:13:01.520 married so if she if she's been married if she's been married what's the experience the thing is
00:13:05.920 it's the experience so she's married that she would understand and i want to understand where her
00:13:09.440 perspective do you know why do you know why because women usually that haven't been married are usually 1.00
00:13:15.280 the women that come at women that have been married it's usually the case so no let me say something 1.00
00:13:20.560 to do no happily married people no ever my point is my point is my point is my point is if you say
00:13:29.680 have you been married it makes complete sense okay can you change your question then let me just make
00:13:34.640 my point is if you ask her have you been married and you don't follow it up with a question i just
00:13:39.840 did you know what was the question she didn't even answer no no so i don't know what she answered
00:13:45.040 everything okay go on speak you've asked her have you been married i did which isn't really necessarily
00:13:54.000 relevant in your opinion are you gonna let me speak you've asked her have you been married which is
00:14:00.560 not necessarily relevant to what we're talking about because some of us are married so we're talking about
00:14:06.160 marriage we're talking about marriage how is that you guys stop stop stop stop stop stop over talking
00:14:12.800 my producer i'm just trying to get the point you're not even letting me speak my point is we were yes the
00:14:18.880 general topic is about marriage but we were on a particular trajectory due within the discussion
00:14:23.840 and then you brought up have you been married to this to derail that conversation because if you're
00:14:28.880 asking if she's been married what is the relevance of that to what we're talking about in this very
00:14:32.800 second so you you'd have to ask that then follow it up with a relevant question or then it's a dig
00:14:38.960 no answer sorry go on and i say this respectfully women are meant to be quiet docile and submissive 1.00
00:14:48.640 in almost every case when you see a woman is the opposite of that 0.99
00:14:54.240 it's a for example for example what's your name in the white in the white top it's a put-off a man
00:14:59.280 doesn't want a woman like that go ahead no it's just it's just an observation and to the earlier 1.00
00:15:05.920 point about you know the question that you said earlier i was actually once driving my date home
00:15:13.200 and she said to me i don't need a man i said are you sure she said yeah i said so get the
00:15:20.960 fuck out the car and hitchhike turned out she got kidnapped and that's a great example of why women 1.00
00:15:30.640 need men