JustPearlyThings - June 11, 2023


Pearl Disproved Their Claim On Child Custody


Episode Stats


Length

18 minutes

Words per minute

210.77577

Word count

3,869

Sentence count

2

Harmful content

Misogyny

35

sentences flagged

Hate speech

9

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we discuss the issue of splitting up with a partner and how it can affect a child and the impact it can have on a family. We also discuss the importance of fathers and how they have a role to play in raising their children.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 i think that um happiness or well-being is really important for a mom to have as well
00:00:06.720 so i think if they're not happy that can be really damaging to the child as well
00:00:10.800 and i think that's the reason why splitting up can be better i think that women should figure 1.00
00:00:15.360 out how to be happy instead of leaving the marriage oh but that's a bit hot
00:00:21.360 yeah preach i think i think you're in control of if you're happy so i think if you say he's
00:00:27.280 making me unhappy i think that's a lot to put on a guy i think you should figure out how to make
00:00:32.560 yourself or even your child your child has nothing to do with that yeah but making yourself happy might
00:00:38.240 be to end the relationship so what go back to the streets street you can still date like sometimes
00:00:51.680 if you really don't get with someone or you're really frustrated with someone just seeing them
00:00:54.880 every day is is difficult and also there's a lot of there's a lot of parents that stay together for
00:01:00.800 the kids that damage their kids there is i do agree with that and like for me for instance if i was
00:01:06.720 if i was in a marriage and i had a child and we decided to split me personally i wouldn't bring
00:01:12.400 another man around that child for a long time i would i wouldn't even be interested in in dating
00:01:18.560 like and it's easy for me to say because i don't have children blah blah blah but like i just i just
00:01:23.600 wouldn't want to concentrate on that so so you know the woman the woman um she says i want to be 0.81
00:01:30.480 happy and then you know what she does so most of the time she gets custody primary custody of the 1.00
00:01:35.280 kids so then they're in a single mother home um they're five times the kids that are brought up in
00:01:39.920 single mother homes are five times more likely to commit suicide nine times more likely to drop out
00:01:44.320 of school ten times more likely to abuse chemical substances 14 times more likely to commit grape 20 times
00:01:50.640 more likely to end up in prison and 32 times more likely to run away from home so it's like but we
00:01:55.200 don't know we don't know when the mother and father like split up we don't know if the father is present
00:01:59.680 in that child's life of course of course if the the father is not present that's very damaging as well
00:02:05.360 but like you can split up and be amicable and see right and if the if the number so i'm doing a
00:02:11.040 documentary on the court system here in the uk so i actually know a decent amount about like men getting
00:02:15.680 custody so if they're lucky they get custody six days a month realize your numbers at some point
00:02:19.920 yeah so only the men only get primary custody ten percent of the time um and it's very it's not
00:02:25.600 common to get 50 50 split so usually when the women leave they take the kids and the men only get to see
00:02:30.720 their kids on weekends which is like what six to eight days i've been through it yeah i've been through it
00:02:36.320 what do you think well um i agree but um i also disagree i think fathers they need to understand
00:02:43.360 that you have a big part when you have a you have a big uh place in a children's life and in the
00:02:50.000 system they like to portray that the fathers are not important but you are you're just as much as
00:02:55.200 important as you are as you are as the mother it depends what you bring to the table and how you are
00:03:00.240 and um you know your relationship with your your child and how you can provide and xyz so you know i've
00:03:06.560 been through the system with with uh my kids you know um with my daughter actually with my past
00:03:12.000 relationship um and we have shared custody uh on the basis that i'm heavily involved and you know
00:03:19.280 financially and and just spiritually physically i'm always involved and i'm i'm catering to my
00:03:25.200 daughter's knees and you know um but i feel like a lot of dads nowadays they feel that they don't have
00:03:33.280 a voice or their voice isn't heard because you know as you said a lot of the time the women women 1.00
00:03:39.680 empowerment win the children over i mean you know as primary carers but you know you was just as
00:03:46.160 much as a primary carer as the mother so it's 50 your dna right how many men actually care yeah a lot
00:03:54.560 of men a lot of men don't want full custody you know it's it's it's funny um there are a lot of times
00:03:59.200 they'll use the stat like men don't fight for their kids or some stat like that but um the system's
00:04:04.640 really hard to get through so it's like the average guy makes what 45 35 000 pounds a year
00:04:10.960 and the thing is if he so usually like if a woman goes to a woman's shelter basically what she can
00:04:16.080 do is claim that she was abused and they get then get free counsel and even the women's shelters they 0.98
00:04:21.360 know that most of these are like false cases oh yeah yeah most of these are so men can't so that if
00:04:26.000 the men have the children can they not go to a shelter um another men's shelters where i don't 0.72
00:04:31.760 know that's what i'm saying so so the women like they go to the shelters and basically like so what 1.00
00:04:38.160 the thing that'll happen at the shelters is they all have these stories that they tell the women to 0.84
00:04:41.920 say so if like he's from a certain culture they'll say hey say this this and this this will play in
00:04:46.240 court so like he if he was like from in like i talked to one guy that was from india so like he was
00:04:50.960 so controlling i did the religious stuff because he made me and the thing is so now the crazy thing
00:04:56.720 is um so in this period she can um implement a restraining order so he can't even see the kids 1.00
00:05:02.800 and so um when she does that like it'll take six months to a year before he can even go to court
00:05:08.880 to fight the false like most of the time it's not a real abuse allegation so then she goes he goes to
00:05:13.920 court and then it's crazy because she's coming in with a lawyer that's free and he has to pay
00:05:19.520 20 to 30 000 to fight for his kids and he has a 10 chance of winning so he can either go in without
00:05:25.840 a lawyer or pay 20 to 30 000. now on top of that the past year he's been paying child support and on
00:05:31.680 top of that he's also been kicked out of his house usually because if they have a shared house she
00:05:35.360 makes one call he's kicked out so now he's homeless um one guy i just talked to he lost his job and his
00:05:41.040 kids were a mile away and he couldn't see them for a year and now on top of that he has to spend all
00:05:45.360 this money to fight for his kids and maybe get 50 50 if he's lucky he might see his kids six days a
00:05:51.920 month so a lot of guys will just say like i honestly think the single like the deadbeat dad is really
00:05:57.200 a myth and it's a lot of like bitter women that are just but a lot of times people hear the woman's side 1.00
00:06:05.520 of the story because remember in the year the woman's in the kid's ear saying oh your dad doesn't want to
00:06:10.720 see you i know like and the thing is i used to i used to literally see it the other way but remember
00:06:14.880 we always listen to the women's side and we always believe the women and that's why you have to like
00:06:18.800 ask it like was there a police report was there this because because like i talked to the men on
00:06:23.040 the other side of it and so like and then on top of that so let's say he fights like she and even if
00:06:30.080 she's proven to be lying he um he can't um like she gets in no trouble and the thing about abuse is they 0.67
00:06:36.640 have a point system now so the thing is she can say coercive coercive control is abuse and that's 1.00
00:06:43.280 and that's like literally if he says you can't spend five thousand dollars on my credit card that's
00:06:47.520 like financial control and so basically it's like if there's like a scale of ten he just has to get
00:06:53.200 to a six and she could say oh he was financially controlling he didn't let me spend this one time
00:06:56.880 he was coercively controlling he said i couldn't go to the club which are all like reasonable things
00:07:01.440 but like she can go to court and say he was abusive now the whole community thinks he's an abuser
00:07:05.920 and because everyone just believes the girl and the thing is in court it's not um about guilty
00:07:10.960 until proven it's not um about evidence it's about a balance of probabilities so basically like it's not
00:07:17.760 based on a hundred percent fact so she goes to court everyone thinks he's an abuser he's lot he's paying
00:07:23.600 all this money he can't pay and and he gets a ten percent shot at his kids even if he unless he wins
00:07:31.280 um the court case which he probably won't she can also um like let's say the judge says hey six
00:07:37.280 days a month you can see the kid he then gets his um child six days a month she can make another call
00:07:43.040 and do it again for another year now he's to spend another 30 grand i think it takes a lot for a woman 1.00
00:07:46.960 to go through that though like influence must play a big path in that you know what it is influence that's
00:07:53.520 actually causing you must think you're yeah there must be like quite a lot of beef to go to court
00:07:58.720 because you could actually sort that civilly did you go to court listen i went to court with my um
00:08:03.840 my baby mother my first yeah my first child and exactly what you said that's spot on do you think
00:08:09.840 she was do you think she was influenced oh 100 percent you have to follow the money and the
00:08:19.200 thing is like the lawyers don't help the women's group because the law so you could go to a lawyer 1.00
00:08:23.920 to get help and they're not going to help you because their number one client is the women's 1.00
00:08:27.440 groups i mean look at this i was in court and most of the judges prosecutors were women yeah so they
00:08:33.600 already looked at me and judged me you know so already i already lost the battle before i spoke
00:08:37.680 and if a girl cries that's it they just like believe her 100 because then we have this culture
00:08:42.960 like believe all oh yeah that's it why did she take you to court was it to pay well basically um
00:08:50.000 you know we split up so you know um again to get the um money no no no so so basically it's a thing
00:08:58.320 where like um i i strongly believe that um some women don't get over their partners you know them 1.00
00:09:07.040 splitting up for whatever reason how they split up whatever reason some people can't get over it
00:09:12.320 so influence so um you know they use their their children as a weapon so in a way where they want
00:09:18.240 to punish you for hurting them in a way where i want you to feel how i feel but 10 times worse
00:09:24.960 you know so that's the evil side of of a manipulation and also control so it makes the man feel that ah
00:09:32.720 i have no access to my child i can't do anything you know yeah exactly so it's almost like i'm i'm
00:09:39.280 either with you and i see my child or if i'm not with you i can only see my child that you'll say so
00:09:44.400 i do i think that's disgusting because before you said before you said that obviously i kind of
00:09:49.600 realized that was a reason but i was thinking why would i ever not let my the father of my children see
00:09:54.000 my kids and that's the thing there are some women that are very willing for the for the dad to see the 1.00
00:09:59.600 children and they are just rubbish and they won't fight for their kids they won't do anything and
00:10:04.080 they're just wantless i think that's more but but the thing is too i think it's the exception it's not
00:10:08.400 the rule because i think the whole like the last 50 years we've only heard the woman's side that's 1.00
00:10:13.360 right because especially like even it happened to kanye he loved his mom yeah it happened before
00:10:18.400 like before our eyes where he always thought his dad was a deadbeat when really his mom moved away from
00:10:23.600 him that's the other thing like there's no like if the woman just wants to take the kid there's 1.00
00:10:27.360 a one guy that his his um his baby his ex-wife moved to japan wow japan like there has to be
00:10:35.040 something legal like you can't move but you know what it is yeah like you said you click it's very
00:10:40.480 easy to say oh he's a deadbeat but nobody understand the side the side of his story because you know
00:10:48.080 as in like you're not present you're not doing anything you you know you let go of your child and
00:10:52.560 you don't want nothing to do with the child but you know a lot of the time it's a lot harder to be
00:10:56.800 involved when you're so pushed out yeah you know but some sometimes you have part-time dads that
00:11:04.400 sometimes see you they will come and see you every now and again when they're free when they're
00:11:09.440 available you've got some dads that literally live their life they've separated from the partner and
00:11:13.840 their family and they're going out and they're living their best life and big up all the single
00:11:18.000 moms by the way because that is a very big job big down because it was your life choice and you 0.98
00:11:24.320 shouldn't have did that you should have stayed with the father you could be no no no no no because
00:11:28.640 some men will walk out on their women and the women would be on their knees begging them to stay and
00:11:32.160 they will not it's the exception um and plus like those women half the time they pick men that have 1.00
00:11:36.560 been impregnated like three girls and you're like what of course he's gonna like what did you expect it's
00:11:40.720 not always the case it's i would say it's more often the case than not and plus women women leave more um 1.00
00:11:47.360 statistically yeah but there is those men that like will be happy to have that woman there and 0.97
00:11:53.600 happy to like use them to stay at the house etc and then expect to see three people at the same time
00:11:59.440 so obviously the woman's gonna get frustrated that's the man that you chose yeah i blame that on the
00:12:03.520 woman because why do we blame so much on the women no like this is i don't get it yeah but it's not 0.97
00:12:11.360 it's not even a blame thing it's like you go through a process before you actually get a guy
00:12:18.080 what is this like we're blaming the women for a lot of things that actually some men are heavily
00:12:24.000 responsible for because we're kings man okay um which which part which part is mad you don't
00:12:32.560 think you're so if you have a child aren't you responsible for picking the father isn't that
00:12:36.560 your fault facts that's what i'm trying to say unless you get tricky we agreed we agreed the women are in 1.00
00:12:43.280 control of sex right yeah right women are correct so if women are in control if you're not in a 0.98
00:12:51.040 relationship and you're single and you're you you want to find someone to have sex it's easier for a 0.69
00:12:56.960 woman to go out and find that in a relationship it's a partnership okay you're both responsible 0.99
00:13:02.000 so another question who knows so i have a question i have a question who who knows when you're ovulating
00:13:08.240 does he know when you're ovulating or just just in general do do men know if the women are ovulating
00:13:25.840 or do women know if the men are ovulating let's just which one who knows more some women don't 1.00
00:13:31.520 okay can we talk about in general general general in general okay the women come on come on if we're 1.00
00:13:38.000 talking about in general of the women that i'm around we know and we talk about that with the
00:13:43.200 people that we are also we can use protection anyway let's continue let's continue so so let's
00:13:49.440 let's continue um do do we know if we're on birth control or do the men know if we're on birth control
00:13:55.360 yeah we know okay if i was a man i wouldn't be sleeping with someone without protection ever yeah okay so
00:14:01.360 so do do we get to choose if we get an abortion or do the men get to choose if we get an abortion
00:14:07.280 oh that depends though that really does depend they should the men shouldn't be sleeping with
00:14:12.160 someone without protection no but it's still a choice we can get to the men okay we can get to
00:14:18.320 them later can we just get to the women first okay on the women though it depends whether you were 1.00
00:14:22.560 tricked because yes if you if that man is obviously not going to be good to you it i do personally think
00:14:27.600 it is stupid to have a child well sorry that's a bit i'm just asking about the choice like do the
00:14:32.320 men get a choice and if we get an abortion or not i'm asking about the choice uh it depends so okay
00:14:37.920 how does the man get any say does he get to um because it could be a thing where they can manipulate
00:14:42.640 the woman and say look i don't want to be i don't want to be a father if you don't they could convince
00:14:47.440 her but at the end of the day who gets to pick the men or the women of course it's the woman okay so 0.99
00:14:51.840 that's my point so so now who gets to pick if we get an iud or not who gets to pick if we take a
00:14:58.000 plan b or not so if we get to do all this picking don't you think we should take more of the responsibility
00:15:03.760 like it's more on us since because when we have sex right we know if they're wearing a condom or not
00:15:08.800 but the men don't know if we're on birth control or not so we're the only one we know if we're ovulating
00:15:12.720 or not where the men don't know if we're ovulating or not so we're the one with all the information
00:15:16.800 where the men don't always have all the information men know that women do baby traps sometimes so 0.99
00:15:22.480 just use protection like i feel like it's a shared responsibility we're all adults don't act dumb
00:15:28.240 like i would say it's more on the women for picking who you have a child with do you know what i i i like 0.93
00:15:35.360 this because i have daughters so i i'm trying to i'm learning all of this so you're not you're right
00:15:40.720 i feel like you're really right because at the end of the day communicate with whoever they're dealing
00:15:44.320 with that was yeah i know but like you said it is the woman like let's be respectful here but 1.00
00:15:50.400 like at the end of the day it is the woman's control to have something grow in her in a way
00:15:57.600 you know if you want to have a baby you can be like oh i'm having a baby with or without you that's my
00:16:03.200 decision you know the man is not ready but then you still make the choice you know if you know you're
00:16:09.760 gonna have unprotected sex you should prepare for that made the decision no but if you go in and
00:16:15.280 have unprotected sex you're both consenting adults you you have brain cells you know what can happen 0.54
00:16:20.880 some women don't think like that but women are 100 of control of who's born yeah men are just in 1.00
00:16:27.200 control of who they have sex with but women are 100 in control of who gets born i agree that they 0.85
00:16:33.200 should i'm sorry there's so much going on in my head i'm not saying it out loud what if you don't
00:16:40.640 believe in abortion my question isn't why are you having unprotected sex with men who shouldn't be 0.98
00:16:45.360 fathers yeah that's my question that is that is a good point i do agree with you but what if what if
00:16:51.520 they've um made you think that they're a good guy and this is hasn't actually happened to me but but
00:16:56.640 that's the woman's judgment though in a way what if they've made you think that okay i guess
00:17:01.440 they can't i'm sorry baby should be like step 10 all right yeah you should be married first so
00:17:07.840 like it's like what were you doing making a baby first we're not in the 50s girl what i did with
00:17:13.600 50s girl making a baby no i didn't marriage first and then you don't think you should get married
00:17:19.760 before you have a kid times have changed okay well times have changed i would prefer to go that
00:17:25.200 wrong do you know what i'll be honest with you yeah i think it is better to get married and have
00:17:32.400 children reason why it's because there's more stability yeah there's more like okay we put each
00:17:38.240 other first we are loyal to each other first and we've made something signed and sealed we can now
00:17:43.840 you know conquer life you know the whole having babies out of wedlock always seems to be the reason
00:17:50.480 why a lot of relationships fail and that's and that's that's you know i'm not going to say it's
00:17:54.480 facts but i'm saying that's my opinion but for me it's a thing where you know if you're married you
00:17:59.440 already built already a foundation of of how you're going to raise your child and your child's going to
00:18:04.480 look at you too and be like okay well you look on my my example of how i should you know live my life and
00:18:11.360 meet somebody and and