Pearl Explains Why 50⧸50 Never Works
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
207.86537
Summary
In this episode, we discuss what it means to be a leader in a relationship and why it is so important for a woman to allow her husband to take the lead. We also discuss the importance of challenging each other in order to grow as a couple and how to be the best version of yourself.
Transcript
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Like, I personally feel like men and women, that we are different, but I don't think that I can not empathise with men at all.
00:00:09.480
And I feel like wouldn't, I don't know, the kind of men that I would want to be with, you know, sort of high intelligence, very interesting kind of guys,
00:00:21.200
I would think that they would lose respect for me if I, you know, flatly obeyed without any kind of challenge.
00:00:30.760
You know, for me, I think that a relationship should be, you should be challenging each other to be the best versions of yourself.
00:00:37.980
And, yeah, and if that, if that means that on, you know, in an appropriate way, on, you know, on appropriate occasions, a wife has to tell her husband,
00:00:48.920
I think you're taking the wrong course of action.
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I think, you know, you could behave in a way that's more effective.
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And, you know, a good husband would want to hear that if it was appropriate.
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One of the exercises I do with anyone when I first work with them is hash out what they want from someone.
00:01:10.760
You know, of course, the superficial aspects, but the character traits.
00:01:14.960
And one thing that comes up time and time again is this word challenge.
00:01:23.580
It lets the other know where the line is and what your boundaries are.
00:01:27.100
And I feel, and back to, like, one of the earliest points we had in this conversation today,
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I feel like people leave because they attach so much fear to relaying what's important to them,
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that they never actually have that conversation.
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But my point isn't that you can't offer your perspective.
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My point at the end of the day, it's his decision that's traditional.
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Like, that's if we're going to go back to, like, I've read the writings of people, like, 100, 200 years ago,
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when they describe, like, real traditional relationships, they don't really exist anymore.
00:02:02.520
And the whole point is, like, if you want to be in an actual traditional relationship,
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Like, at the end of the day, it's his decision.
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It's not saying, like, you can't give him any input.
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Do you feel that if a woman meets a man, she should let him lead?
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Like, when do you think a man should start leading in a relationship?
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Or is he a bit indecisive and sort of on the fence?
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You're losing attraction for him right there and then.
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So you're measuring from that right from the get-go.
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When you say let him lead, it sounds like you have to allow him to.
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So if I let a man lead me, that means that I'm taking my authority away and saying, hey,
00:03:23.100
He married someone who was easy just to be like, hey, I need you to be this beauty queen.
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And if there is a, let's say, let's say family is like a company, right?
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So, if the husband is a boss, then you kind of have to obey him anyway.
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So, if he does not, you know, if he betrays my trust, then there is other ways and repercussions.
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And perhaps we are not suitable or we are discussing the situation, stuff like that.
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So, if you just say yes, you know, you have to obey in some situations.
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But, again, we are going back to the trust and the level being built and built and built
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I'm proud of it, actually, because it builds our families bond stronger.
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When you meet a man, do you let him lead right away?
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Do you, like, follow his decisions, like, right away?
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Okay, so if he came to you, let's say, first date was November.
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Now, two months later, in January, he's like, hey, I saw this building.
00:05:06.640
He's telling you, for our future, this building's going to be it.
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Yeah, I would say, let's get married, and then we can go right ahead, you know?
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So you would just, no, you're letting him lead.
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You know, I don't know if that's the best example.
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When you say just, like, you have to get to know the man first before you say, okay,
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I trust your judgment to know that you are not going to lead me to a path of destruction.
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You have to know that he can lead himself first.
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I'm not saying, like, submit to any old guy you meet.
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But I'm saying if you're going on a date with him, I'm saying go in in good faith.
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Actually, what you said earlier, I get turned off if a man's supposed to take me on a date,
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and he comes and picks me up, and he has no plan of where we're going.
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My favorite thing to tell a guy is lead the way.
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Yeah, I want to see, because I'm ready to let a man lead.
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But when you meet these men, and you're, like, the new age men, especially after 35 years,
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So if I work at the nursery all the time, how would I do I get the money to pay 50-50 if I work all these white field jobs?
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Like, I don't know, when I grew up, I had a lot of, like, you know, male friends.
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It was a mixed group, but there were a lot of boys.
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And we were equal, this was, you know, the sort of late 90s, early 2000s, and we were equal.
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And so it has never occurred to me that if I go on a date, I would do anything other than go 50-50.
00:07:04.140
This English thing is really, like, British thing.
00:07:06.120
No, I just said, like, if I went on a date, like...
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I know, but you're talking about in your childhood, that sounded like the most French, as opposed to a date scenario.
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And I just, I don't think that that is appropriate.
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Like, I think it's appropriate if you both decide that kids are, you know, what you want in your life.
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And, you know, you want to give kids the best possible nutrition.
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So, mum's going to stay at home and breastfeed them.
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And unless she's, like, fortunate enough to be able to earn from home in minimal time, you know, he is going to have to be the one providing.
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But, like, on a first date, like, I don't know, I find that quite emasculating.
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It's, like, the idea that someone would have to pay for the privilege of spending time with me.
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It's, like, no, I want to start out, like, as...
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Yeah, no, I have experienced, like, discomfort from guys.
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I do a lot of online dating and there are men who are, like, hey, if we go on a date 50-50, we can go get a coffee.
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But if we go on an actual date, I want to make sure I'm not wasting my time and you're not there for a free meal.
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So, go 50-50 with me just to prove that you're there for the right reason.
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If you think I'm there for a free meal, like, dude, really?
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But this is real life, like, situations and scenarios that women are going through.
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And I was like, okay, you know, I do want to go on a date with you.
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And he said, just to let you know, first date, we're 50-50.
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Like, I'm going to block you because what are you talking about?
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You're not the type of man you want me to let you leave, but I have to pay you 50-50
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I had a story where a friend of mine, she went on a date and had to prompt the guy to pay.
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So the next day, he messaged her for the money.