JustPearlyThings - April 26, 2023


Pearl Made This Confession On The Show


Episode Stats


Length

10 minutes

Words per minute

193.50049

Word count

1,955

Sentence count

190

Harmful content

Misogyny

7

sentences flagged

Hate speech

7

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we talk about how to deal with the pressures of growing up in poverty and what it takes to become a successful criminal. We also talk about whether or not we should judge someone based on their criminal record.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 You guys were asking if I would want my sister to date someone with a criminal record. 1.00
00:00:04.580 I think that's how we got into this.
00:00:06.260 And I'm going to stand on that.
00:00:08.620 I would say don't date the guy with the criminal record.
00:00:11.900 Don't date the guy with kids.
00:00:13.940 Well, it started with the kids.
00:00:15.220 And then he said that's like judging someone on their criminal record.
00:00:17.820 And I said I would, in fact, judge someone on their criminal record.
00:00:20.940 I would say I would judge people based on their choices that they make.
00:00:25.500 I think that's a fair statement.
00:00:27.380 But some people are born into situations where they're at an advantage to make better choices.
00:00:34.480 Yeah, but you said ADHD before and trauma.
00:00:37.720 Like, you have it, yes.
00:00:39.520 But that does not mean that you should stay in it.
00:00:42.840 When you're neurodivergent, your brain literally sends you different signals to make different decisions.
00:00:49.100 It's a big factor.
00:00:51.160 A big factor.
00:00:52.240 Doesn't change your goals and dreams of what you want to become.
00:00:54.320 Yeah, but a lot of people get into crime really young.
00:00:57.820 Yeah, it changes the way that you react to certain situations, how you deal with, how you process information.
00:01:05.020 It's a big factor.
00:01:06.340 I really think that's just an excuse.
00:01:07.960 It's not an excuse.
00:01:08.860 I think it's an excuse.
00:01:10.180 It's a real thing.
00:01:10.860 Yeah, I mean, I have ADHD.
00:01:12.400 Yeah, so do I.
00:01:13.000 I think that's too deep to be honest.
00:01:16.560 I committed no crimes.
00:01:18.260 No crimes.
00:01:19.380 No crimes.
00:01:19.980 But we're not, for example, we are not black males born in, well, I didn't have loads of money, but not proper poverty probably.
00:01:28.380 And not with the same pressure and not with the same, for example, in London, people born in poverty live next to people who have so much money.
00:01:36.440 Social media shows people so much money.
00:01:38.660 I have to.
00:01:38.800 Have you ever seen real poverty?
00:01:41.080 Yeah, I have.
00:01:41.720 I do a lot of volunteer.
00:01:42.320 I've done a lot of volunteering in developing countries.
00:01:44.660 100%.
00:01:45.540 Yeah, so I just think, like, poverty here isn't really real poverty.
00:01:49.880 Nope, nope, nope, nope.
00:01:50.620 I went to India one time.
00:01:53.400 That's real poverty.
00:01:54.600 Yep.
00:01:55.000 I have never seen more homeless people in one.
00:01:57.160 Hungry.
00:01:57.940 Yeah, and it was, like, during this, like, super hot summer.
00:02:01.200 Like, people were dying on the street.
00:02:02.280 It was really sad.
00:02:03.220 It's not nice.
00:02:03.980 It's not just about poverty, though.
00:02:05.400 It's about the insecurities and what they've been through.
00:02:08.240 And probably also, some of them are, obviously, we're not saying everyone born into crime is black, but some of them are.
00:02:16.580 And they experience racism as well.
00:02:18.080 They have a lot to prove.
00:02:19.160 Like, it's very hard as a teenage boy to feel that you're in poverty.
00:02:24.720 You don't have...
00:02:26.160 Lack of opportunity.
00:02:27.500 Yeah, you don't feel secure.
00:02:28.580 You're targeted more.
00:02:29.000 And you're trying to prove yourself.
00:02:30.520 And it's very hard as a teenager not to try and be cool.
00:02:32.760 And, unfortunately, in London now, to be cool and to be worthy and to feel good, you're a bad boy.
00:02:40.800 And girls also... 0.99
00:02:41.720 Women, actually, are a problem in this. 1.00
00:02:44.240 Because teenage girls go for that. 1.00
00:02:46.200 And that actually encourages them so much more.
00:02:48.480 Perception.
00:02:48.980 So, what does it take from a successful man who was in poverty to become successful?
00:02:55.380 I think there's probably different factors.
00:03:00.180 They went through the trauma.
00:03:01.120 They went through this.
00:03:01.780 They went through that.
00:03:02.540 Everybody's different.
00:03:04.100 Some people do have a stronger mindset than others.
00:03:07.640 And that's okay.
00:03:08.420 But it's also possible for anybody.
00:03:10.280 That's just my opinion.
00:03:11.660 There are many possibilities for everybody.
00:03:14.760 Like, you can do whatever you put your mind to.
00:03:17.080 But there are some situations where life, in general, is heavy.
00:03:21.780 And they don't have the brain capacity to even think about next week.
00:03:26.920 Let alone next day.
00:03:28.060 You think they're too dumb?
00:03:29.240 No.
00:03:29.900 I'm talking about, like...
00:03:30.720 You said brain capacity.
00:03:31.880 Yeah.
00:03:32.300 In regards to dealing with everyday life.
00:03:35.860 Dealing with pressure.
00:03:35.880 Pressure, yeah.
00:03:38.400 Like, work stress, family stress, struggle stress, money stress.
00:03:41.980 There's actual people who came out of that, though.
00:03:44.220 That's what I'm saying.
00:03:44.800 But you don't know what those people have had different.
00:03:47.980 Like, what if you're more rebellious because you don't have attachments to your parents
00:03:51.600 where someone else has a better attachment?
00:03:53.140 I know people in the same exact family where one grew up to be a multimillionaire
00:03:56.960 and one grew up to be an alcoholic.
00:03:58.480 It's choices.
00:03:59.640 Like, I'm just not with this excuse, that excuse, that excuse.
00:04:02.940 I know people in countries that have real poverty, that have real, like, no options.
00:04:08.400 And so it's like, you know how spoiled we sound in the West to say,
00:04:11.160 oh, my ADHD, oh, this, oh, that.
00:04:13.060 But you really know what you know as well, right?
00:04:15.380 Yeah, exactly.
00:04:16.160 India, wherever, you know, whichever country you were given that example,
00:04:20.520 that is what they know.
00:04:21.820 We don't know that.
00:04:22.420 That's true.
00:04:22.580 So we can't, we only know what we know.
00:04:24.280 You can't compare that.
00:04:25.280 Okay, I can tell you, I grew up with, like, nannies from around the world.
00:04:28.340 So, like, we had a different nanny from, like, a different country every year.
00:04:30.960 So I've spoken to people from literally, like, I grew up with them all over the world.
00:04:34.200 And I'm telling you, like, we sound so spoiled to them.
00:04:38.260 I agree with you to expect, because I've also seen poverty like that.
00:04:43.380 But unless we take all of our children and teenagers to developing countries and show them, 0.88
00:04:48.300 they, like you said, they only know, they're only in that bubble.
00:04:50.600 Also, if you're fortunate to have a nanny, there's certain lifestyles that you can't even comprehend,
00:04:57.220 because there are certain people that can't even afford to eat.
00:05:00.200 I can't comprehend.
00:05:02.840 This is the whole, oh, you're rich, you know, therefore, choices.
00:05:06.760 It still goes back to, you can still be born into anything, and your choices, it still matters.
00:05:12.200 And it's who you are.
00:05:13.820 So I don't really know, like, what we're arguing here.
00:05:16.400 Like, you should be given a pass, because you grew up in a bad situation.
00:05:19.900 No, I just feel like, sorry, I just feel like we're going off topic a little bit, yeah?
00:05:25.820 Because we're talking about people's lifestyles and people's backgrounds.
00:05:29.200 That doesn't define you as a person.
00:05:31.760 And for me, these experiences make, you know...
00:05:35.420 They can build character.
00:05:36.180 It builds character, builds you from nothing to something.
00:05:40.860 And if you're going to shut the door on potentially the love of your life or somebody that's good for you,
00:05:46.360 just because of what he'd done yesterday or before he met you,
00:05:49.500 then you're living in a delusional world.
00:05:51.260 But it is relevant as well, because you only know what you know.
00:05:54.280 And depending on how you've been brought up and where you're from,
00:05:57.140 the people that you've been around, where your parents are, your family are,
00:06:01.460 the way is relevant, because you only know what you know.
00:06:03.900 I think it's actually really smart to look at people's background when dating them.
00:06:08.340 It is, in certain aspects.
00:06:09.600 It is, it is.
00:06:10.400 I'm not saying you can't overcome bad choices.
00:06:13.040 Some people do, but I still do think that if a guy has a criminal background,
00:06:18.560 you should maybe choose a guy that doesn't.
00:06:20.700 Be more precautious, for sure.
00:06:22.340 You know?
00:06:22.940 I think it depends on what criminal background they have, though,
00:06:25.580 because it can't be...
00:06:26.800 You can't look at us, oh, he's got a criminal record.
00:06:29.260 He is, you know, he's a bad guy.
00:06:31.740 It depends on what it is and what scale, in a way.
00:06:34.380 Honestly, all of this really goes back to the women. 0.96
00:06:37.260 I gotta be honest, guys.
00:06:39.220 I gotta be honest.
00:06:40.080 She's on him, she's on him.
00:06:41.020 Because it's like with these guys, these guys or girls or whatever,
00:06:45.480 come from these bad backgrounds, right?
00:06:47.400 But why do they come from these bad backgrounds?
00:06:50.540 Well, the women destroyed the home, most of them. 1.00
00:06:54.880 Yeah, yeah.
00:06:55.360 The women either chose to have children with men that weren't fathers, 0.99
00:07:00.560 nor wanted to be fathers,
00:07:02.320 or they chose to leave their husband or their boyfriend, whatever it is,
00:07:09.640 and then we're going back to the kids suffering, right?
00:07:13.880 And now they're in this traumatic situation
00:07:16.480 with, like, where they maybe make bad decisions.
00:07:21.080 So, really, this is like full circle, guys.
00:07:24.200 It is a vicious cycle.
00:07:25.680 Can I just ask you, because you said it's better to have children young,
00:07:28.980 but actually you're more likely to make mistakes at that age
00:07:31.320 and have children with the wrong person,
00:07:32.580 and then you exacerbate that cycle.
00:07:35.040 What do you mean you're more likely to make mistakes?
00:07:38.240 Because you're younger, you're not as well-informed.
00:07:41.400 You're not as experienced.
00:07:42.620 I want to make sure I'm picking the right person.
00:07:45.500 That's why some people I've dated in the past,
00:07:47.380 I would not have a child with them.
00:07:49.520 I think that you really just, you'll never know for sure.
00:07:54.700 I think, like, because what are you going to find out?
00:07:57.380 Like, you're never really going to know until you get married
00:08:00.200 or until you live with someone.
00:08:01.640 So, it's like, I feel like women, like, we operate in fear.
00:08:04.180 Like, oh, we could find someone better.
00:08:06.460 Oh, something could go wrong.
00:08:07.660 Where it's like, you just pick someone and make it work.
00:08:11.640 You know what?
00:08:11.820 I say you pick someone and make it work.
00:08:13.280 This is something I always say.
00:08:14.540 I think currently we know too much when it comes to life, society,
00:08:20.320 and choices.
00:08:21.980 And because of that, every time we're trying to make a decision,
00:08:26.320 we always have excuses.
00:08:29.840 Every single time.
00:08:30.960 The thing is, though, it's facts that some people are born
00:08:33.900 into harder circumstances than others.
00:08:35.600 So, how is that an excuse?
00:08:38.500 Yeah, but that's why I always go back to our grandparents.
00:08:42.140 It's the mother's fault. 1.00
00:08:42.780 What made our grandparents and our parents and our great-grandparents
00:08:47.920 stay together?
00:08:49.200 What made them stay together?
00:08:50.380 Mom's amazing, by the way.
00:08:51.480 Knowing that they probably went through the same traumas,
00:08:53.620 same experiences, same everything.
00:08:55.820 They probably had it worse, honestly.
00:08:57.220 They probably had it worse.
00:08:57.880 They probably had it worse than us.
00:08:58.660 But what made them stay together versus our mindset now?
00:09:00.340 But that's why we have things like intergenerational trauma.
00:09:03.720 Intergenerational trauma is trauma passed down
00:09:05.480 because people in the past didn't have access to mental health.
00:09:08.160 They didn't understand it.
00:09:08.920 They weren't aware.
00:09:09.420 Okay, well, don't you think people all had generational trauma?
00:09:11.540 They lived through, like, famines and shit.
00:09:13.360 Yeah, a lot of people did.
00:09:15.720 Back in the day, they were told to shut up and sit down
00:09:18.420 and get on with it.
00:09:19.180 But that's why there's a lot of trauma now.
00:09:20.740 But not everybody's born.
00:09:22.160 Who was told to shut up and get on with it?
00:09:23.040 In, like...
00:09:24.280 The women? 0.95
00:09:25.360 I think the world might be better if we did.
00:09:28.300 No, but, you know...
00:09:28.980 Back in the day, like, for both men and women,
00:09:31.180 you wouldn't necessarily express...
00:09:32.580 Especially men.
00:09:33.320 I mean, men have got... 0.56
00:09:33.960 That's a whole other topic.
00:09:35.360 Men have got it extremely hard.
00:09:38.980 But it's only more recent days that...
00:09:41.540 It's, you know, mental health and access to treatment and stuff
00:09:45.740 has come to light, like, over the last, like, kind of, what, five years?
00:09:50.200 As many of you know, I was just banned on TikTok.
00:09:53.640 And we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform.
00:09:57.920 If you want to help, please consider sending a super thanks below.
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