JustPearlyThings - April 24, 2023


Pearl REVEALS The Dark Truth Behind DIVORCE


Episode Stats


Length

11 minutes

Words per minute

216.11209

Word count

2,468

Sentence count

171

Harmful content

Misogyny

16

sentences flagged

Hate speech

7

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we discuss the importance of a healthy relationship between a mother and her child and how it affects their mental health and well-being. We also discuss the impact of single mother homes and how they can affect a child's mental health.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 Just at one point, can we go back to like the mental health and well-being of parents in a marriage?
00:00:05.940 But not now, but like whenever.
00:00:07.620 We can do it real quick, real quick.
00:00:09.380 What's your...
00:00:10.120 I think that happiness or well-being is really important for a mom to have as well. 0.51
00:00:16.580 So I think if they're not happy, that can be really damaging to the child as well.
00:00:20.800 And I think that's the reason why splitting up can be better.
00:00:23.580 I think that women should figure out how to be happy instead of leaving the marriage. 1.00
00:00:28.680 Oh, but that's a bit...
00:00:30.960 Facts.
00:00:32.660 Preach.
00:00:33.380 I think you're in control of if you're happy.
00:00:35.880 So I think if you say, he's making me unhappy, I think that's a lot to put on a guy.
00:00:40.960 I think you should figure out how to make yourself happy.
00:00:43.300 Or even your child.
00:00:44.520 Your child has nothing to do with that.
00:00:46.320 But making yourself happy might be to end the relationship.
00:00:49.780 So what, go back to the streets?
00:00:52.360 Street in?
00:00:53.740 No, you don't have to like go out clubbing and sleep with people.
00:00:56.380 Well, what else is she going to do if she leaves? 0.99
00:00:58.060 You can still date.
00:01:00.740 Like sometimes if you really don't get on with someone or you're really frustrated with someone,
00:01:04.320 just seeing them every day is difficult.
00:01:06.580 And also, there's a lot of parents that stay together for the kids that damage their kids.
00:01:13.280 There is.
00:01:14.060 I do agree with that.
00:01:15.380 And like for me, Prince, if I was in a marriage and I had a child and we decided to split,
00:01:21.180 me personally, I wouldn't bring another man around that child.
00:01:24.960 For a long time.
00:01:25.640 Like I wouldn't even be interested in dating.
00:01:28.760 Like, and it's easy for me to say because I don't have children, blah, blah, blah.
00:01:32.000 But like, I just, I just wouldn't.
00:01:34.060 I don't want to concentrate on that child.
00:01:35.280 So, so, you know, the woman, the woman, um, she says, I want to be happy.
00:01:41.040 And then, you know what she does?
00:01:42.300 So most of the time she gets custody, primary custody of the kids. 1.00
00:01:45.460 So then they're in a single mother home. 0.98
00:01:47.080 Um, they're five times, the kids that are brought up in single mother homes are five 1.00
00:01:51.140 times more likely to commit suicide.
00:01:52.940 Nine times more likely to drop out of school.
00:01:54.960 Ten times more likely to abuse chemical substances.
00:01:57.860 Fourteen times more likely to commit rape.
00:02:00.100 Twenty times more likely to end up in prison and 32 times more likely to run away from
00:02:04.200 home.
00:02:04.460 So it's like, but we don't know.
00:02:05.720 We don't know when the mother and father like split up.
00:02:08.300 We don't know if the father is present in that child's life.
00:02:10.560 Of course, of course, if the father is not present, that's very damaging as well.
00:02:15.380 But like, you can split up and be amicable and see your...
00:02:18.900 Right.
00:02:19.260 And if the, if the number, so I'm doing a documentary on the court system here in the
00:02:22.860 UK.
00:02:23.060 So I actually know a decent amount about like men getting custody.
00:02:26.020 So if they're lucky, they get custody six days a month.
00:02:28.720 Realize your numbers at some point.
00:02:29.860 Yeah.
00:02:30.220 So only the men only get primary custody 10% of the time.
00:02:33.500 Um, and it's very, it's not common to get 50, 50 split.
00:02:37.080 So usually when the women leave, they take the kids and the men only get to see their 0.99
00:02:40.840 kids on weekends, which is like what?
00:02:42.800 Six to eight days a month.
00:02:43.620 I've been through it.
00:02:44.540 Yeah.
00:02:44.760 I've been through it.
00:02:46.320 What do you think?
00:02:47.860 Well, um, I agree, but, um, I also disagree.
00:02:51.420 I think fathers need to understand that you have a big part and you have a, you have a
00:02:56.900 big place in a children's life and in the system, they like to portray that the fathers
00:03:02.680 are not important, but you are, you're just as much as important as you are, as you are
00:03:06.780 as the mother.
00:03:07.460 It depends what you bring to the table and how you are and, um, you know, your relationship
00:03:12.560 with your, your child and how you can provide and X, Y, Z.
00:03:15.420 So, you know, I've been through the system with, with, uh, my kids, you know, um, with
00:03:20.180 my daughter, actually, with my past relationship.
00:03:22.740 Um, and we have shared custody, uh, on the basis that I'm heavily involved and, you know, financially
00:03:29.840 and, and just spiritually, physically, I'm always involved and I'm, I'm catering to
00:03:35.020 my daughter's needs and, you know, um, but I feel like a lot of dads nowadays, they feel
00:03:41.720 that they don't have a voice or their voice isn't heard because, you know, as you said,
00:03:47.640 a lot of the time, the women, women empowerment, win the children over. 1.00
00:03:52.320 I mean, you know, as primary carers, but you know, you as just as much as a primary carer
00:03:57.480 as the mother, so.
00:03:59.260 It's 50% your DNA, you should have 50% custody.
00:04:01.900 Right, 100%.
00:04:02.400 How many men actually care?
00:04:04.080 Yeah, a lot of men, a lot of men don't want full custody.
00:04:06.760 You know, it's, it's, it's funny, um, there are a lot of times they'll use the stat, like
00:04:10.140 men don't fight for their kids or some stat like that, but, um, it, the system's really
00:04:14.820 hard to get through.
00:04:16.160 So it's like the average guy makes what, 45,000, 35,000 pounds a year.
00:04:20.760 And the thing is, if he, so usually like if a woman goes to a woman's shelter, basically what
00:04:25.700 she can do is claim that she was abused and they get, then get free counsel.
00:04:29.520 And even the women's shelters, they know that most of these are like false cases.
00:04:33.820 Oh yes.
00:04:34.320 Yeah, most of these are false.
00:04:35.000 So men can't, so like if the men have the children, can they not go to a shelter and stuff like that?
00:04:39.020 No, the men's shelters, where?
00:04:41.540 I don't know.
00:04:42.120 I'm asking.
00:04:42.780 They don't.
00:04:43.580 That's what I'm saying.
00:04:44.160 So, so the women, like they go to the shelters and basically like, so what the thing that'll 1.00
00:04:48.880 happen at the shelters is they all have these stories that they tell the women to say.
00:04:52.280 So if like he's from a certain culture, they'll say, Hey, say this, this, and this,
00:04:55.600 this will play in court.
00:04:56.540 So like he, if he was like from, like I talked to one guy that was from India.
00:05:00.400 So like, he was so controlling.
00:05:01.860 I did the religious stuff because he made me. 0.54
00:05:04.480 And the thing is, so now the crazy thing is, um, so in this period she can, um, implement
00:05:10.200 a restraining order so he can't even see the kids.
00:05:12.640 And so, um, when she does that, like, it'll take six months to a year before he can even
00:05:17.900 go to court to fight the false, like most of the time it's not a real abuse allegation.
00:05:22.320 And so then she goes, he goes to court and then it's crazy because she's coming in with 0.66
00:05:27.060 a lawyer that's free and he has to pay 20 to $30,000 to fight for his kids.
00:05:32.080 And he has a 10% chance of winning.
00:05:34.320 So he can either go in without a lawyer or pay 20 to 30,000.
00:05:38.040 Now on top of that, the past year he's been paying child support.
00:05:41.040 And on top of that, he's also been kicked out of his house usually because if they have
00:05:44.440 a shared house, she makes one call, he's kicked out.
00:05:46.960 So now he's homeless.
00:05:48.900 Um, one guy I just talked to, he lost his job and his kids were a mile away and he couldn't
00:05:52.320 see them for a year.
00:05:53.400 And now on top of that, he has to spend all this money to fight for his kids and maybe
00:05:58.720 get 50, if he's lucky, he might see his kids six days a month.
00:06:02.220 So a lot of guys will just say, like, I honestly think the single, like the deadbeat dad is
00:06:06.900 really a myth.
00:06:07.680 And it's a lot of like bitter women that are, but a lot of times people hear the woman's 1.00
00:06:15.360 side of the story.
00:06:16.020 Cause remember in the year, the woman's in the kid's ear saying, Oh, your dad doesn't
00:06:20.380 want to see you.
00:06:21.320 I know.
00:06:21.760 Like, and the thing is, I used to, I used to literally see it the other way, but remember
00:06:24.860 we always listen to the women's side and we always believe the women.
00:06:27.660 And that's why you have to like ask it.
00:06:29.200 Like, was there a police report?
00:06:30.240 Was there this, because, because like I talked to the men on the other side of it.
00:06:34.300 And so like, and then on top of that, so let's say he fights, like she, and even if she's
00:06:40.360 proven to be lying, he, um, he can't, um, like she gets in no trouble.
00:06:45.200 And the thing about abuse is they have a point system now.
00:06:48.280 So the thing is she can say coercive, coercive control is abuse.
00:06:52.480 And that's, and that's like, literally if he says you can't spend $5,000 on my credit
00:06:57.100 card, that's like financial control.
00:06:58.740 And so basically it's like, if there's like a scale of 10, he just has to get to a six
00:07:03.760 and she could say, oh, he was financially controlling.
00:07:05.640 He didn't let me spend this one time.
00:07:06.920 He was coercively controlling.
00:07:08.100 He said, I couldn't go to the club, which are all like reasonable things.
00:07:11.360 But like, she can go to court and say he was abusive. 0.99
00:07:13.640 Now the whole community thinks he's an abuser.
00:07:15.820 And because everyone just believes the girl.
00:07:17.800 And the thing is in court, it's not, um, about guilty until proven.
00:07:21.760 It's not, um, about evidence.
00:07:23.320 It's a, it's about a balance of probabilities.
00:07:25.840 So basically like it's not based on a hundred percent fact.
00:07:29.900 So she goes to court.
00:07:31.560 Everyone thinks he's an abuser.
00:07:32.680 He's a lot.
00:07:33.100 He's paying all this money.
00:07:34.180 He can't pay.
00:07:35.420 And, and he gets a 10% shot at his kids.
00:07:38.440 Even if he, unless he wins, um, the, the court case, which he probably won't, she can also,
00:07:45.220 um, like, let's say the judge says, hey, six days a month, you can see the kid.
00:07:48.600 He then gets his, um, child six days a month.
00:07:52.240 She can make another call and do it again for another year.
00:07:54.240 Now he's to spend another 30 grand.
00:07:55.940 I think it takes a lot for a woman to go through that though.
00:07:58.160 Like influence must play a big path in that.
00:08:01.260 You know what it is?
00:08:02.460 Influence that's actually causing.
00:08:04.360 You must think you're, yeah, there must be like quite a lot of beef to go to court because
00:08:08.900 you could actually sort that civilly.
00:08:10.660 Did you go to court?
00:08:11.560 Listen, I went to court with my, um, my baby mother, my first, yeah, my first child.
00:08:16.700 And exactly what you said, that's spot on.
00:08:19.480 Do you think she was, do you think she was influenced?
00:08:23.000 Oh, a hundred percent.
00:08:24.420 She go to the women's group. 0.75
00:08:26.020 You have to follow the money.
00:08:29.040 And the thing is like the lawyers don't help the women's group because the law, 1.00
00:08:32.740 so you could go to a lawyer to get help and they're not going to help you because their
00:08:35.820 number one client is the women's group.
00:08:37.780 I mean, look at this.
00:08:38.560 I was in court and most of the judges, prosecutors were women. 1.00
00:08:43.100 Yeah.
00:08:43.420 So they already looked at me and judged me, you know?
00:08:45.580 So already, I already lost the battle before I spoke.
00:08:47.740 And if a girl cries, they just like believe her. 0.99
00:08:51.300 A hundred percent.
00:08:52.040 Because then we have this culture, like believe all women. 1.00
00:08:53.900 Oh yeah, that's it.
00:08:55.060 Why did she take you to court? 0.98
00:08:57.580 Was it to pay?
00:08:58.320 Well, basically, you know, we split up.
00:09:01.540 So, you know, again.
00:09:04.500 We get to get the money.
00:09:06.220 No, no, no.
00:09:06.540 Monetary value.
00:09:07.020 So basically, it's a thing where like, I strongly believe that some women don't get 1.00
00:09:13.760 over their partners, you know, them splitting up for whatever reason, how they split up,
00:09:19.820 whatever reason, some people can't get over it.
00:09:22.540 Influence.
00:09:23.000 So, you know, they use their children as a weapon.
00:09:26.780 So in a way where they want to punish you for hurting them in a way where I want you
00:09:32.620 to feel how I feel, but 10 times worse, you know?
00:09:35.360 So that's the evil side of a manipulation and also control.
00:09:40.560 So it makes the man feel that, oh, I have no access to my child.
00:09:44.440 I can't do anything, you know?
00:09:46.280 Yeah, exactly.
00:09:47.100 So it's almost like I'm either with you and I see my child or if I'm not with you, I can
00:09:52.380 only see my child at your say so.
00:09:54.240 I do think that's disgusting.
00:09:56.320 Because before you said that, obviously, I kind of realized that was a reason, but I
00:10:00.680 was thinking, why would I ever not let the father of my children see my kids?
00:10:04.780 And that's the thing.
00:10:05.400 There are some women that are very willing for the dad to see the children and they are 0.89
00:10:10.680 just rubbish and they won't fight for their kids.
00:10:13.080 They won't do anything and they're just whatless.
00:10:14.840 I think that's more, but the thing is too, I think it's the exception, it's not the
00:10:18.560 rule.
00:10:19.120 Because I think the whole, like the last 50 years, we've only heard the woman's side.
00:10:23.100 That's right.
00:10:23.580 Like, because especially, like even, it happened to Kanye.
00:10:26.260 He loved his mom.
00:10:27.520 It happened before, like before our eyes, where he always thought his dad was a deadbeat when
00:10:31.940 really his mom moved away from him.
00:10:33.900 That's the other thing, like there's no, like if the woman just wants to take the kid. 1.00
00:10:37.120 There's one guy that his baby, his ex-wife moved to Japan.
00:10:42.500 Wow.
00:10:43.380 Japan.
00:10:43.700 Japan, like there has to be something legal, like you can't move.
00:10:47.040 But you know what it is, yeah?
00:10:48.060 Like you said, it's very easy to say, oh, he's a deadbeat, but nobody understands the
00:10:53.700 side of his story.
00:10:54.940 Nobody asks his side.
00:10:55.580 What do you actually mean by deadbeat?
00:10:57.680 As in like, you're not present, you're not doing anything, you let go of your child and
00:11:02.600 you don't want nothing to do with the child.
00:11:03.780 But, you know, a lot of the time it's a lot harder to be involved when you're so pushed
00:11:08.120 out.
00:11:08.440 But many of you know I was just banned on TikTok and we are demonetized on a daily basis on
00:11:15.560 this platform.
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