JustPearlyThings - May 18, 2023


Pearl's Warning To Women In Their Late 20s


Episode Stats


Length

10 minutes

Words per minute

218.52716

Word count

2,186

Sentence count

157

Harmful content

Misogyny

2

sentences flagged

Hate speech

7

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we talk about dating when you're in your late 20s and early 30s, and how it can affect your chances of ever having kids. We also talk about what it means to be a Christian in your 30s and how to deal with that.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 Do you guys work through a message?
00:00:03.580 Yeah, she would.
00:00:07.580 I think, no, I think the intentions matter.
00:00:10.440 And I think that if he's messaging somebody else,
00:00:12.400 he's already checked out.
00:00:13.780 And I think I'm very strict when it comes to that.
00:00:16.320 Like, I think that if you're going to be in a relationship with me,
00:00:18.440 I think that you have to put some boundaries in place.
00:00:20.880 What if you're on holiday?
00:00:21.980 What if you're on holiday and then you come back
00:00:24.080 and you find that he messaged another girl
00:00:26.240 because you were away?
00:00:28.140 I'm leaving him.
00:00:28.940 That'd be human.
00:00:29.540 Yeah, no.
00:00:30.420 No, I'm leaving him.
00:00:31.420 I think I don't tolerate anything that...
00:00:34.880 Because to me, it seems a bit much to break up over a message.
00:00:37.980 It depends what the message is, though.
00:00:38.860 Yeah, it depends what the message is.
00:00:40.640 The intention's quite clear.
00:00:42.160 How old are you guys again?
00:00:43.640 You're, what?
00:00:44.780 I'm 29.
00:00:45.620 29.
00:00:47.780 How old are you two?
00:00:48.460 He's 22, though.
00:00:49.420 I'm 29, 22.
00:00:50.540 What is the difference?
00:00:51.680 I'm 24.
00:00:52.600 Okay, she hasn't got time to waste.
00:00:54.080 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:00:54.920 It's true.
00:00:56.040 You're in a different lane.
00:00:57.360 You're in a different lane.
00:00:58.160 I'm just thinking, because you're 29, if you're in a relationship, like, do you want kids?
00:01:04.800 Yes.
00:01:05.440 You don't have any kids?
00:01:06.700 No.
00:01:07.080 So, you know, if you're single by 30, your chance of having a child drops below 50%.
00:01:11.400 So, you're actually more likely to not have a kid than have one.
00:01:14.580 And by 34, your chance of having, like, any kids at all, like, geriatric pregnancy working 0.92
00:01:19.540 is, like, nothing.
00:01:21.160 It's like, yeah.
00:01:22.300 It's pretty scary.
00:01:23.400 So, it's like, in my night.
00:01:24.060 I know the God I serve, though.
00:01:26.000 What?
00:01:26.680 I said, I know the God I serve.
00:01:28.280 Amen, amen, amen.
00:01:29.220 Like, we'll talk.
00:01:30.040 I'm just thinking, because I'm assuming you're picky, right?
00:01:34.760 Define, like, picky.
00:01:35.860 Like, I think I have my standards.
00:01:38.060 I don't think I ask for anything too crazy.
00:01:40.040 I just want a guy that's, like, serious about me, has pure intentions for me, and will be
00:01:43.580 loyal.
00:01:44.260 Well, I'm just thinking, because you've been dating since, what, 18?
00:01:47.580 Yeah, 20.
00:01:48.660 Yeah.
00:01:49.200 Right, 20.
00:01:50.140 Okay, so, like, I'm just thinking of nine years.
00:01:52.220 If none of the guys that approached you, you like enough to marry, like, you're probably
00:01:55.920 picky.
00:01:56.840 Oh, right.
00:01:59.440 This is just me.
00:02:00.680 Like, usually that women that are single over the age of, like, 25. 1.00
00:02:03.900 It's not an insult, you know?
00:02:05.240 No, no, no.
00:02:05.800 I think, to be honest, I'm a Christian, and I think that that makes things a bit harder
00:02:10.240 for me, because there's certain things that I'm, like, that I want to do to please God,
00:02:16.340 or there's some views that I have that are more, like, biblical than, like, the world.
00:02:20.820 And I think that now, I used to date guys that were non-Christians, but the things that
00:02:24.780 I was passionate about, the values that I had, they didn't share those same values.
00:02:28.500 And I want to be with someone that shares those same values as me and has the same worldview
00:02:31.920 as me.
00:02:32.520 So now, that's kind of narrowed the fall.
00:02:34.320 Is it just him being a Christian?
00:02:36.300 No, I mean, he has to be a Christian, of course, but there's just certain things that, like,
00:02:40.440 I've realized are my deal-breakers.
00:02:42.240 Like, what?
00:02:42.660 Are you one of the waiting-till-marriage type?
00:02:45.480 I mean, yeah, I'm not perfect, but that's definitely a desire.
00:02:49.380 It's a desire to want to wait until marriage.
00:02:51.480 Okay, but you're, I'm assuming, 29, you're probably not a virgin.
00:02:53.620 I'm not a virgin.
00:02:54.880 I'm not a virgin.
00:02:56.000 No one's waiting for...
00:02:58.320 I mean, yeah, that's the type of world that we're living in.
00:03:01.520 It's definitely a desire.
00:03:02.600 I'm not saying it won't happen, but it's a desire, and I would like to stick to that.
00:03:06.860 Because I guess in my head, I'm like, okay, so if you're 29, you know that by...
00:03:10.580 Now you know, at least, that if you're single by next year, you're most likely not going
00:03:14.340 to have a kid.
00:03:14.820 And by 34, your chance of having a kid is basically nothing, like, biologically.
00:03:20.980 So I'm just thinking, if you get into a relationship with a guy that you like, which I'm assuming
00:03:24.860 is very hard to find a guy that meets all your criteria, because, I mean, me too, it's
00:03:29.260 not, you're not, not just you.
00:03:30.660 Because I'm thinking, like, if you get to that point, it's kind of like your last chance
00:03:36.000 in a way.
00:03:36.840 And then you leave it over, what, a message?
00:03:39.960 It's like, I would think in the grand scheme of things, it would be more important to have
00:03:43.400 a family to you, especially, you know, they say, like, be fruitful and multiply in the
00:03:47.600 Bible.
00:03:48.300 Yeah, but I think for me, it's also very important to be in a situation that is healthy.
00:03:52.560 And I would rather be single than be in a relationship where I'm not valued, or where
00:03:56.740 I'm being disrespected, or where the dude is emotionally or sexually cheating.
00:04:01.100 Yeah, sometimes I just think the church, like, leaves women single. 0.99
00:04:04.060 And I think it's really sad, because I think sometimes they tell women, like, we have to
00:04:07.480 have these crazy high standards.
00:04:09.640 Yeah, I think that the church needs to do a...
00:04:11.580 Not the message, you know, that's not that crazy.
00:04:13.680 I think the church does need to do a better job with teaching young Christians, like, 1.00
00:04:18.180 how to date.
00:04:18.900 Like, I go to an amazing church, and it's, I'm learning now, like, through, I go to the
00:04:23.580 Tab London, and my pastor is amazing, and he just recently done a sermon on dating,
00:04:29.340 and, like, how to date, you know, for marriage, with the intention of marriage, and it was
00:04:34.840 very healthy and very informative.
00:04:36.460 Would you submit to your husband for everything?
00:04:41.020 No.
00:04:41.740 That's a question.
00:04:42.720 That's a question, but...
00:04:44.200 But the thing is, like, with me choosing a husband, I'm going to choose somebody that
00:04:47.620 I respect.
00:04:48.360 I'm going to choose somebody that loves God.
00:04:50.400 And for me, submission is about, if he's submitting to Christ, I'm low-key submitting to Christ,
00:04:56.700 if I'm submitting to my husband.
00:04:58.140 So then why did you say no?
00:04:59.460 But it's like, to me, submitting, I think I need to learn about that more.
00:05:03.920 I'm definitely my own woman, but I think it depends in, like, in what degree, like, in
00:05:09.080 what situation.
00:05:10.100 Do you follow the Bible?
00:05:11.900 I try.
00:05:13.500 Well, no, it just, it confuses me when, like...
00:05:15.920 Don't they become one in the Bible?
00:05:17.460 They say the same flesh or something.
00:05:18.780 You have to submit in the Bible. 0.69
00:05:20.360 It's biblical.
00:05:21.160 So it confuses me.
00:05:22.840 It just confuses me, like, when you say you want a Christian man, but you don't want to 1.00
00:05:26.500 live in a Christian way.
00:05:27.940 So, like, why would a man that's super Christian want to be with you if you don't want to live 1.00
00:05:32.040 in a Christian way, which is biblical?
00:05:34.260 But what do you mean by not living in a Christian way?
00:05:36.280 So the Bible says you have to submit to your husband.
00:05:39.100 And when I asked you, you said no.
00:05:40.220 Yeah, but then, but this is what I'm saying.
00:05:42.200 I think in certain situations, I think, and how can I word this?
00:05:46.440 In certain situations, of course, if the decision that my husband is making makes sense, and
00:05:51.420 that's fine.
00:05:53.380 Yeah, I don't really know how to explain the thoughts that I'm having right now.
00:05:58.140 You want to submit when you feel like it.
00:06:02.460 Yes.
00:06:03.100 Yeah, but that's not, you know what I mean?
00:06:04.080 That's not submission.
00:06:05.520 But then the Bible also, the thing is, the Bible does instruct women with, like, how to
00:06:09.500 act in marriage.
00:06:10.400 But then the Bible also instructs men with how to treat their wives as well.
00:06:14.300 And so, like, the Bible says to women, like, respect your husbands, and husbands love your
00:06:18.860 wives.
00:06:19.740 And so I feel like...
00:06:20.580 Yeah, but how are we supposed to get a Christian guy if we can't start with what we have to 0.98
00:06:24.560 do?
00:06:24.980 Yeah, folks.
00:06:26.120 You know?
00:06:26.700 Yeah.
00:06:27.140 Because I'm just, you know, because you want to start a family, that's what you said, so
00:06:31.060 I'm just wondering how this would work out.
00:06:32.700 Go ahead.
00:06:33.580 Is it an issue of knowing, so you said about the whole decision thing, which logically makes
00:06:38.620 sense.
00:06:38.980 So, like, if he's saying something, and you don't, I'm just guessing, right?
00:06:42.660 If he says something, and you don't know why, is your point, you want to know why, and
00:06:46.680 if it makes sense to you, then you agree, and that's your version of submitting?
00:06:50.580 Yeah, I think, and that's the thing, my thing is, I think that a marriage, there's going
00:06:55.020 to be a lot of, like, complexities, and, like, a lot of different situations that we're going
00:06:58.360 to face in marriage.
00:06:59.460 It's going to be a learning curve, it's going to be, like, a journey, and I think that also,
00:07:04.820 with whatever the Bible does say, the Bible also teaches about, like, sanctification,
00:07:10.060 and about, like, a journey of becoming more like Christ.
00:07:13.100 So I'm not saying that I'm perfect, but I'm saying, hopefully me and my husband will get
00:07:17.240 to a point where, you know, we're on the same page.
00:07:19.980 And I think, yeah.
00:07:22.040 You don't believe, like, going with the flow?
00:07:24.420 No.
00:07:25.080 Now, I don't.
00:07:25.540 No, but don't say no, because going with the flow could be the best thing.
00:07:28.840 The reason why I say going with the flow, you could be dating, you could be on Tinder,
00:07:32.620 whatever, and someone could say, what are you looking for, right?
00:07:35.220 And I could say, for me, as a 33-year-old, I want a child.
00:07:38.940 I want a child, but I don't have a child.
00:07:40.460 If God blesses me with a child, I get blessed with a child.
00:07:42.960 I'm not religious in any way, shape, or form, but I believe in an almighty.
00:07:48.440 My thing right now, when I meet a girl or a guy and they say, like, what you're looking
00:07:52.060 for, I just say, look, like, my portfolio would say, like, I want kids soon, blah, blah,
00:07:56.720 blah.
00:07:56.900 But I'd just say, look, I'm just here going for the flow, but I'm looking for a serious
00:08:01.920 individual.
00:08:02.440 And I would elaborate on that situation.
00:08:05.160 But, like, when I say I'm going with the flow, it doesn't mean I want to marry you or date
00:08:09.200 you.
00:08:09.600 I just want to chill with you and see where things go.
00:08:11.980 So there is no expectations on either side.
00:08:14.920 You know what I mean?
00:08:15.740 Yeah, it's just about getting to know the person.
00:08:17.160 Getting to know the person.
00:08:18.060 But I feel like if you're with the whole Christian thing, hats off to you. 1.00
00:08:24.720 I feel like for guys, it can be a bit intimidating and we don't know where to start.
00:08:28.660 And we're like, oh, you know what I mean?
00:08:30.920 But if you feel like Glenn, there's a super chat, says there's no exception to submission
00:08:35.040 in the Bible where it says to only submit to your husband when you want to, it says
00:08:38.880 for everything.
00:08:40.180 Because you've got to choose a man that you trust to lead.
00:08:43.200 And then you've got to listen to him.
00:08:44.460 You've got to submit to him.
00:08:45.780 It's as simple as that.
00:08:46.720 Because sometimes you can ask, like, at the end of the day, if you really are submitting
00:08:51.440 to your husband, you're trusting that they know what they're doing.
00:08:54.520 They're handling things.
00:08:55.560 So any decision they make, you shouldn't even be questioning it anyway, because you should
00:08:58.860 trust them enough to know that they've already thought that through.
00:09:01.520 So you don't have to.
00:09:02.740 So by asking questions, you're kind of creating problems for him for having to explain it all
00:09:06.840 through to you.
00:09:07.740 And then also you're potentially causing another problem by them putting up a barrier
00:09:10.800 if you don't agree with something that he's done.
00:09:12.660 Like, to me, I would rather leave him with it.
00:09:15.620 He says we're doing something.
00:09:16.480 Fine.
00:09:16.640 I trust him enough that he knows what he's doing.
00:09:18.560 And he's doing that for our best interest.
00:09:20.260 Look at team sports, yeah?
00:09:21.820 Let's say, imagine Alex Ferguson's your manager.
00:09:24.220 And then he's like, oh, cool.
00:09:25.400 This player's going to win us the Champions League.
00:09:27.200 And we're like, ooh, actually.
00:09:28.700 And you've got this one brother that's always, always like, nah, I'm the manager.
00:09:32.560 Yeah?
00:09:32.980 I'm here to do a job.
00:09:34.340 Trust I'm going to lead and we'll go.
00:09:35.780 If you find a man that keeps leading you into the darkness, then that's not the man for
00:09:40.060 you, I guess, innit?
00:09:40.960 But you've got to be on that journey and actually accept that call.
00:09:44.220 I was just banned on TikTok and we are demonetized on a daily basis on this platform.
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