Pearl Schools Modern Women On Traditional Relationships
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
197.1022
Summary
In this episode, we discuss the importance of a woman taking the lead in a relationship with a man, and how a woman should be in charge in order to be a good partner. We also discuss how a man should be expected to take the lead when it comes to a relationship.
Transcript
00:00:03.280
and tomorrow be like, go ahead and lead the way.
00:00:12.840
Cause you work with men, helping them date at the,
00:00:15.880
you know, is that something that men generally are one in
00:00:19.340
the men you're working with for a woman who will obey them?
00:00:30.860
As I said earlier, allows them to take the lead.
00:00:43.420
An example is I was speaking to a friend of mine.
00:00:45.940
She went away with a friend, two girls and two boyfriends.
00:00:53.080
One of them independently just grabbed her bags
00:01:02.760
And the friend goes, why did you let him take the bags?
00:01:05.280
It's little things like that, that I give him space to do.
00:01:08.500
So he feels like he's, he has a role in the relationship.
00:01:16.980
All these little micro things that, you know, on a day to day.
00:01:21.140
I think that there is a real magic that happens
00:01:24.340
when you have a relationship where a woman can be feminine
00:01:32.260
Yeah, um, but I think, um, that actually, I don't, well,
00:01:45.000
It's just that from my experience, if I'm dealing with a man
00:01:50.700
who is fawning over me and would obey my every command,
00:01:56.320
like I would think he was pathetic and disgusting.
00:01:58.720
I didn't say he obey you, I said you're supposed to obey him.
00:02:01.960
No, I know, but I'm just saying, like, I, I personally feel like
00:02:06.560
men and women, that we are different, but I don't think
00:02:13.180
And I feel like wouldn't, um, I don't know, the kind of men
00:02:19.700
that I would want to be with, you know, sort of high intelligence,
00:02:23.160
very interesting kind of guys, I would think that they would
00:02:26.540
lose respect for me if I, you know, flatly obeyed
00:02:32.540
without any kind of challenge, you know, for me, I think that
00:02:36.120
a relationship should be, you should be challenging each other
00:02:41.880
And yeah, and if that, if that means that on, you know,
00:02:45.720
in an appropriate way, on, you know, on appropriate occasions,
00:02:50.420
a wife has to tell her husband, I think you're taking the wrong course
00:02:55.840
I think, you know, you could behave in a way that's more effective.
00:03:01.080
And, you know, a good husband would want to hear that if it was appropriate.
00:03:07.340
One of the exercises I do with anyone when I first work with them
00:03:14.460
You know, of course, the superficial aspects, but the character traits.
00:03:18.640
And one thing that comes up time and time again is this word challenge.
00:03:27.280
It lets the other know where the line is and what your boundaries are.
00:03:31.140
And I feel, and back to, like, one of the earliest points we had
00:03:33.960
in this conversation today, we spoke about why people leave.
00:03:36.820
Like, I feel like people leave because they attach so much fear
00:03:44.960
that they never actually have that conversation.
00:03:51.040
But my point isn't that you can't offer your perspective.
00:03:53.700
My point at the end of the day, it's his decision that's traditional.
00:03:57.320
Like, that's if we're going to go back to, like,
00:03:59.040
I've read the writings of people, like, 100, 200 years ago
00:04:02.100
when they described, like, real traditional relationships.
00:04:07.820
if you want to be in an actual traditional relationship,
00:04:12.880
Like, at the end of the day, it's his decision.
00:04:14.580
It's not saying, like, you can't give him any input.
00:04:18.300
Do you feel that if a woman meets a man, she should let him lead?
00:04:24.220
Like, when do you think a man should start leading in a relationship?
00:04:36.840
Or is he a bit indecisive and sort of on the fence?
00:04:40.860
You're losing attraction for him right there and then.
00:04:43.900
So you're measuring from that right from the get-go.
00:04:48.660
When you say let him lead, it sounds like you have to allow him to.
00:04:59.040
So if I let a man lead me, that means that I'm taking my authority away and saying,
00:05:03.880
hey, whatever you say, I'm going with what you say.
00:05:06.460
Well, no, but that's indicating on you following.
00:05:09.280
Like, it's so interesting, language, like, the way we use language, because it's, like,
00:05:19.120
He just leads and she can either follow or not.
00:05:24.320
I don't want to call her a puppet, but that's what he married.
00:05:26.800
He married someone who was easy just to be like, hey, I need you to be this beauty queen.
00:05:39.660
And if there is a, let's say, let's say family is like a company, right?
00:05:47.620
So if the husband is a boss, then you kind of have to obey him anyway.
00:05:57.220
So if he does not, you know, if he betrays my trust,
00:06:03.600
And perhaps we are not suitable or we are discussing the situation, stuff like that.
00:06:13.840
So if you just say yes, you know, you have to obey in some situations.
00:06:18.820
But again, we are going back to the trust and the level being built and built and built
00:06:30.880
I'm proud of it, actually, because it builds our family's bond stronger.
00:06:38.400
When you meet a man, do you let him lead right away?
00:06:45.160
Do you, like, follow his decisions, like, right away?
00:06:50.840
Okay, so if he came to you, let's say, first date was November.
00:06:56.220
Now, two months later, in January, he's like, hey, I saw this building.
00:07:07.940
You're letting him lead, and he's telling you, for our future, this building's going
00:07:13.900
Yeah, I would say, let's get married, and then we can go right ahead, you know?
00:07:19.280
So you would just, no, you're letting him lead.
00:07:22.060
You know, I don't know if that's the best example.
00:07:27.560
When you say just, like, you have to get to know the man first before you say, okay,
00:07:32.780
I trust your judgment to know that you are not going to lead me to a path of destruction.
00:07:40.300
You have to know that he can lead himself first.
00:07:42.340
I'm not saying, like, submit to any old guy you meet.
00:07:45.980
But I'm saying, if you're going on a date with him, I'm saying go in in good faith.
00:07:52.580
Actually, what you said earlier, I get turned off if a man's supposed to take me on a date,
00:07:56.160
and he comes and picks me up, and he has no plan of where we're going.
00:08:00.320
My favorite thing to tell a guy is lead the way.
00:08:07.180
Yeah, I want to see because I'm ready to let a man lead.
00:08:15.520
But when you meet these men, and you're, like, the new age men, especially after 35 years,
00:08:26.240
So if I work at the nursery all the time, how would I do?
00:08:30.000
How do I get the money to pay 50-50 if I work all these white field jobs?
00:08:44.700
When I grew up, I had a lot of, like, you know, male friends.
00:08:48.660
It was a mixed group, but there were a lot of boys, and we were equal.
00:08:52.220
This was, you know, the sort of late 90s, early 2000s, and we were equal.
00:08:58.800
And so it has never occurred to me that if I go on a date, I would do anything other than go 50-50.
00:09:10.040
No, I just said, like, if I went on a date, like...
00:09:12.420
I know, but you're talking about in your childhood.
00:09:14.720
That sounded like a common friends, as opposed to a date scenario.
00:09:17.220
Yeah, and I just, I don't think that that is appropriate.
00:09:25.540
Like, I think it's appropriate if you both decide that kids are, you know, what you want in your life.
00:09:31.780
And, you know, you want to give kids the best possible nutrition.
00:09:35.760
So, mum's going to stay at home and breastfeed them.
00:09:38.900
And unless she's, like, fortunate enough to be able to earn from home in minimal time, you know.
00:09:49.920
But, like, on a first date, like, I don't know.
00:09:54.540
It's, like, the idea that someone would have to pay for the privilege of spending time with me.
00:10:01.080
It's, like, no, I want to start out, like, as...
00:10:11.060
Yeah, no, I have experienced, like, discomfort from guys.