JustPearlyThings - Pearl Schools Modern Women On Traditional Relationships

00:00:00.000 It would be unwise for a woman to meet a man 1.00

00:00:03.280 and tomorrow be like, go ahead and lead the way.

00:00:05.700 You're still getting to know him.

00:00:07.400 You're supposed to have like your brothers

00:00:09.460 or you're supposed to vet him.

00:00:11.300 Can I ask Johnny a question?

00:00:12.840 Cause you work with men, helping them date at the,

00:00:15.880 you know, is that something that men generally are one in

00:00:19.340 the men you're working with for a woman who will obey them? 1.00

00:00:24.860 I wouldn't use the word obey.

00:00:26.580 You know, it sounds quite controlling.

00:00:28.240 Ooh.

00:00:30.860 As I said earlier, allows them to take the lead.

00:00:34.180 You know, femininity is about receiving. 1.00

00:00:38.080 Masculinity is about giving, you know, 0.63

00:00:40.680 so just allow space for that.

00:00:43.420 An example is I was speaking to a friend of mine.

00:00:45.940 She went away with a friend, two girls and two boyfriends.

00:00:50.860 They emptied the car.

00:00:51.600 They had the bags.

00:00:53.080 One of them independently just grabbed her bags

00:00:55.940 and took them straight to the door.

00:00:58.320 The other one allowed her guy to take the bags 0.56

00:01:01.760 and I take them to the door.

00:01:02.760 And the friend goes, why did you let him take the bags?

00:01:05.280 It's little things like that, that I give him space to do.

00:01:08.500 So he feels like he's, he has a role in the relationship.

00:01:13.880 Yeah, I, I, I sort of, I fear though.

00:01:16.980 All these little micro things that, you know, on a day to day.

00:01:19.200 Oh yeah, yeah.

00:01:19.820 I, I completely agree.

00:01:21.140 I think that there is a real magic that happens

00:01:24.340 when you have a relationship where a woman can be feminine 1.00

00:01:28.960 and a man can be masculine.

00:01:30.220 I think that there's a real sparkle.

00:01:32.260 Yeah, um, but I think, um, that actually, I don't, well,

00:01:43.020 it's a question I have rarely.

00:01:45.000 It's just that from my experience, if I'm dealing with a man

00:01:50.700 who is fawning over me and would obey my every command, 1.00

00:01:56.320 like I would think he was pathetic and disgusting. 0.99

00:01:58.720 I didn't say he obey you, I said you're supposed to obey him. 0.99

00:02:01.960 No, I know, but I'm just saying, like, I, I personally feel like

00:02:06.560 men and women, that we are different, but I don't think

00:02:09.780 that I can not empathize with men at all.

00:02:13.180 And I feel like wouldn't, um, I don't know, the kind of men

00:02:19.700 that I would want to be with, you know, sort of high intelligence,

00:02:23.160 very interesting kind of guys, I would think that they would

00:02:26.540 lose respect for me if I, you know, flatly obeyed

00:02:32.540 without any kind of challenge, you know, for me, I think that

00:02:36.120 a relationship should be, you should be challenging each other

00:02:39.120 to be the best versions of yourself.

00:02:40.880 Absolutely, to grow.

00:02:41.880 And yeah, and if that, if that means that on, you know,

00:02:45.720 in an appropriate way, on, you know, on appropriate occasions,

00:02:50.420 a wife has to tell her husband, I think you're taking the wrong course 1.00

00:02:55.400 of action.

00:02:55.840 I think, you know, you could behave in a way that's more effective.

00:03:00.000 That's cool.

00:03:01.080 And, you know, a good husband would want to hear that if it was appropriate.

00:03:05.760 You're absolutely right.

00:03:07.340 One of the exercises I do with anyone when I first work with them

00:03:10.960 is hash out what they want from someone.

00:03:14.460 You know, of course, the superficial aspects, but the character traits.

00:03:18.640 And one thing that comes up time and time again is this word challenge.

00:03:22.380 That's exactly what you're talking about.

00:03:23.600 It's this pushback.

00:03:24.880 It keeps the respect in the relationship.

00:03:27.280 It lets the other know where the line is and what your boundaries are.

00:03:31.140 And I feel, and back to, like, one of the earliest points we had

00:03:33.960 in this conversation today, we spoke about why people leave.

00:03:36.820 Like, I feel like people leave because they attach so much fear

00:03:41.360 to relaying what's important to them,

00:03:44.960 that they never actually have that conversation.

00:03:47.580 And they just end up getting frustrated.

00:03:49.760 And then they walk.

00:03:51.040 But my point isn't that you can't offer your perspective.

00:03:53.700 My point at the end of the day, it's his decision that's traditional.

00:03:57.320 Like, that's if we're going to go back to, like,

00:03:59.040 I've read the writings of people, like, 100, 200 years ago

00:04:02.100 when they described, like, real traditional relationships.

00:04:04.380 They don't really exist anymore.

00:04:05.760 And the whole point is, like,

00:04:07.820 if you want to be in an actual traditional relationship,

00:04:10.640 you're supposed to obey your husband.

00:04:12.880 Like, at the end of the day, it's his decision.

00:04:14.580 It's not saying, like, you can't give him any input.

00:04:17.100 Let me ask you a question.

00:04:18.300 Do you feel that if a woman meets a man, she should let him lead? 1.00

00:04:21.600 Like, straight off the gate?

00:04:24.220 Like, when do you think a man should start leading in a relationship?

00:04:27.500 Instantly.

00:04:28.460 Do you think instantly?

00:04:29.540 We go on our first date for a couple of calls.

00:04:31.960 You're measuring it straight away, right?

00:04:34.040 Like, is he making the plan for the date?

00:04:36.840 Or is he a bit indecisive and sort of on the fence?

00:04:39.740 And he's asking.

00:04:40.860 You're losing attraction for him right there and then.

00:04:43.900 So you're measuring from that right from the get-go.

00:04:46.540 Yeah.

00:04:47.500 Okay.

00:04:47.940 I love this now.

00:04:48.660 When you say let him lead, it sounds like you have to allow him to.

00:04:53.520 I mean, you do.

00:04:54.360 Like, you have to, like, give it to him.

00:04:56.020 You do have to allow.

00:04:57.000 You are in control of yourself, right?

00:04:59.040 So if I let a man lead me, that means that I'm taking my authority away and saying, 0.98

00:05:03.880 hey, whatever you say, I'm going with what you say.

00:05:06.460 Well, no, but that's indicating on you following.

00:05:09.280 Like, it's so interesting, language, like, the way we use language, because it's, like,

00:05:14.220 like, I think a Trump.

00:05:15.820 Like, that's someone who's, like, a leader.

00:05:17.440 Like, Melania doesn't let him lead.

00:05:19.120 He just leads and she can either follow or not.

00:05:21.400 Yeah.

00:05:21.860 But that's the, he.

00:05:23.460 But she loves to be led.

00:05:24.320 I don't want to call her a puppet, but that's what he married. 0.71

00:05:26.800 He married someone who was easy just to be like, hey, I need you to be this beauty queen. 1.00

00:05:31.080 Sit here.

00:05:31.580 Well, look at, that's what the top men pick.

00:05:33.580 But we all have roles.

00:05:34.400 Typically, if you look at, yeah.

00:05:35.940 I'm sorry, if you let me put my five pence in.

00:05:38.140 We all have roles, right?

00:05:39.660 And if there is a, let's say, let's say family is like a company, right?

00:05:43.160 So if there is a boss, do you obey your boss?

00:05:46.300 Yes, you do obey your boss.

00:05:47.620 So if the husband is a boss, then you kind of have to obey him anyway.

00:05:50.920 I have no problem with obeying my husband.

00:05:54.320 And, but I trust him wholeheartedly.

00:05:57.220 So if he does not, you know, if he betrays my trust,

00:06:00.560 then there is other ways and repercussions.

00:06:03.600 And perhaps we are not suitable or we are discussing the situation, stuff like that.

00:06:07.980 But there has to be a head.

00:06:10.020 And I have to agree with you.

00:06:11.360 There has to be a head to every company.

00:06:13.840 So if you just say yes, you know, you have to obey in some situations.

00:06:18.820 But again, we are going back to the trust and the level being built and built and built

00:06:24.020 and working as a teamwork together.

00:06:25.660 We are all different.

00:06:26.680 I do my bit, you do your bit.

00:06:28.480 And if I need to, I obey you.

00:06:29.960 I'm not ashamed.

00:06:30.880 I'm proud of it, actually, because it builds our family's bond stronger.

00:06:34.320 Can I ask you a question, Pearl?

00:06:35.700 Now, when you meet a man, right?

00:06:37.500 This two-part question.

00:06:38.400 When you meet a man, do you let him lead right away?

00:06:41.560 Do I let him lead?

00:06:42.700 I don't think I can let a man lead. 1.00

00:06:44.100 Or does he lead right away?

00:06:45.160 Do you, like, follow his decisions, like, right away?

00:06:47.320 You meet him.

00:06:47.940 You're like, you know what?

00:06:48.720 You got this.

00:06:49.900 Yes.

00:06:50.540 Yes.

00:06:50.840 Okay, so if he came to you, let's say, first date was November.

00:06:56.220 Now, two months later, in January, he's like, hey, I saw this building.

00:07:00.580 I think I kind of want to buy it.

00:07:02.320 I want you to go win half of me.

00:07:04.420 Would you do it?

00:07:05.220 He's leading.

00:07:06.960 Are we married?

00:07:07.940 You're letting him lead, and he's telling you, for our future, this building's going

00:07:13.200 to be it.

00:07:13.900 Yeah, I would say, let's get married, and then we can go right ahead, you know?

00:07:19.280 So you would just, no, you're letting him lead.

00:07:22.060 You know, I don't know if that's the best example.

00:07:24.760 But that's what I'm saying.

00:07:25.640 Let's buy a building.

00:07:26.480 But that's what it sounds like.

00:07:27.560 When you say just, like, you have to get to know the man first before you say, okay,

00:07:32.780 I trust your judgment to know that you are not going to lead me to a path of destruction.

00:07:38.440 So you have to get to know that man.

00:07:40.300 You have to know that he can lead himself first.

00:07:42.340 I'm not saying, like, submit to any old guy you meet. 0.86

00:07:45.980 But I'm saying, if you're going on a date with him, I'm saying go in in good faith.

00:07:50.760 Yes, I'll go on dates with good faith.

00:07:52.580 Actually, what you said earlier, I get turned off if a man's supposed to take me on a date,

00:07:56.160 and he comes and picks me up, and he has no plan of where we're going.

00:07:59.180 Like, lead the way.

00:08:00.320 My favorite thing to tell a guy is lead the way.

00:08:03.000 Lead, especially on a date.

00:08:03.840 Lead the way.

00:08:04.440 This is you.

00:08:05.300 I'm following behind you.

00:08:06.340 Show me you.

00:08:07.180 Yeah, I want to see because I'm ready to let a man lead.

00:08:10.460 I'm tired of working.

00:08:11.680 Go ahead.

00:08:12.400 You want to have three babies? 1.00

00:08:13.500 Go ahead.

00:08:14.340 I'm ready.

00:08:15.520 But when you meet these men, and you're, like, the new age men, especially after 35 years, 0.98

00:08:21.420 it's like, hey, so what do you want to do?

00:08:22.880 What do you want to do?

00:08:23.500 50-50 split the bill.

00:08:24.280 Yeah, the 50-50 concept.

00:08:26.240 So if I work at the nursery all the time, how would I do?

00:08:30.000 How do I get the money to pay 50-50 if I work all these white field jobs? 0.77

00:08:33.420 Well, is that common?

00:08:34.920 I've never really had guys want to go 50-50.

00:08:37.580 Is that common for you guys?

00:08:38.760 Yes.

00:08:38.920 In New York, it is common.

00:08:40.780 Like, I don't.

00:08:41.400 That's actually, that's like a me thing.

00:08:43.540 Like, I don't know.

00:08:44.700 When I grew up, I had a lot of, like, you know, male friends.

00:08:48.660 It was a mixed group, but there were a lot of boys, and we were equal.

00:08:52.220 This was, you know, the sort of late 90s, early 2000s, and we were equal.

00:08:58.800 And so it has never occurred to me that if I go on a date, I would do anything other than go 50-50.

00:09:07.000 Yeah, but that's common friends.

00:09:07.680 English thing is really, like, British thing.

00:09:10.040 No, I just said, like, if I went on a date, like...

00:09:12.420 I know, but you're talking about in your childhood.

00:09:14.720 That sounded like a common friends, as opposed to a date scenario.

00:09:17.220 Yeah, and I just, I don't think that that is appropriate.

00:09:25.540 Like, I think it's appropriate if you both decide that kids are, you know, what you want in your life.

00:09:31.780 And, you know, you want to give kids the best possible nutrition.

00:09:35.760 So, mum's going to stay at home and breastfeed them. 1.00

00:09:38.900 And unless she's, like, fortunate enough to be able to earn from home in minimal time, you know. 0.67

00:09:47.520 He is going to have to be the one providing.

00:09:49.920 But, like, on a first date, like, I don't know.

00:09:52.640 I find that quite emasculating.

00:09:54.540 It's, like, the idea that someone would have to pay for the privilege of spending time with me.

00:10:01.080 It's, like, no, I want to start out, like, as...

00:10:04.140 I've just found that most guys, like, want to.

00:10:06.940 Yeah, that's exactly it.

00:10:07.860 I've never had, like, a guy didn't want...

00:10:10.060 Like, I can't even...

00:10:11.060 Yeah, no, I have experienced, like, discomfort from guys.

00:10:17.300 Like, honestly...

00:10:17.820 Because I'm not comfortable with them paying.

JustPearlyThings - July 07, 2023

Pearl Schools Modern Women On Traditional Relationships

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