JustPearlyThings - June 11, 2023


Pearl Shocked Them With This Stance


Episode Stats


Length

9 minutes

Words per minute

196.14659

Word count

1,768

Sentence count

184

Harmful content

Misogyny

14

sentences flagged

Hate speech

9

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we discuss the difference between love and commitment in a relationship and marriage and how to balance the two when it comes to relationships and marriage. We also talk about the benefits and drawbacks of having a partner that you care deeply for and what to look out for in a partner.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 Do you think that marriage is about love or about duty?
00:00:04.740 I think it's a bit of both.
00:00:07.320 I was just going to say that.
00:00:09.100 I don't know.
00:00:10.320 Personally, I think more love.
00:00:12.960 Bye-bye.
00:00:13.880 But it depends what you define what love is.
00:00:17.560 Love isn't, for me, isn't necessarily just a feeling.
00:00:21.540 Love is multiple things.
00:00:24.860 Do you know what I mean?
00:00:25.500 It's not that you're not going to have butterflies all the time.
00:00:29.000 You're not going to be infatuated with that person all the time.
00:00:32.100 It's like the same way that you love your family.
00:00:34.640 They're probably the most people that you have arguments with that you can't
00:00:37.340 stand most of the time, but you love them.
00:00:39.980 You're going to ride for them.
00:00:41.020 Like no matter what they do, you're always going to be there for them.
00:00:44.420 So which one would you pick, love or duty more?
00:00:47.240 Love or duty.
00:00:47.900 Your version of love or duty more?
00:00:50.840 My version of love.
00:00:52.280 Because I feel like duty comes in with that.
00:00:54.260 I think generally everybody has their own definition.
00:00:59.000 Of love, but individually, everybody has their own definition of love.
00:01:03.340 You know what I mean?
00:01:04.260 And we can't judge when it comes to that.
00:01:07.600 I think marriage is 100% duty.
00:01:09.640 No love.
00:01:10.460 Duty.
00:01:10.860 Really?
00:01:11.780 Yeah, I think it's about, it's a duty.
00:01:13.440 It's about commitment.
00:01:14.300 Otherwise, love is relationships.
00:01:15.540 Yeah, but isn't commitment love though?
00:01:17.280 I think that marriage is commitment, love partially.
00:01:23.860 Yeah, I would say yes.
00:01:25.260 But I think when it comes down to it, what's the difference between a relationship and a
00:01:28.540 marriage?
00:01:29.200 I would say duty.
00:01:30.620 Entirement.
00:01:31.340 Duty.
00:01:32.120 A piece of paper, a contract.
00:01:34.420 I love when you said commitment though.
00:01:36.720 Because think about an athlete.
00:01:38.540 Like, it's duty, but it's love, it's passion, it's all of that.
00:01:43.180 But it's kind of like one though, don't you think?
00:01:45.140 It's all of that and one, that's what I'm saying.
00:01:46.660 It's almost like it's your role to show your woman love, the respect, and you know, as
00:01:51.580 a man, you should be, you know, front line and make sure that you provide for your family
00:01:56.980 and, you know, all the extra, do you know what I mean?
00:01:59.180 So, I think it's a bit of both.
00:02:01.160 Yeah.
00:02:01.800 Would you marry someone that you didn't love?
00:02:04.000 No.
00:02:05.440 Would I marry someone I didn't love?
00:02:07.640 I used to say I wanted an arranged marriage.
00:02:11.560 Honestly.
00:02:12.100 I've said that.
00:02:12.920 Honestly.
00:02:13.460 That's so frustrating.
00:02:14.120 Did you?
00:02:14.900 Oh my God.
00:02:15.420 No way.
00:02:16.060 How does women picking the guys we love work out for us? 1.00
00:02:21.140 Not well.
00:02:22.440 Not well.
00:02:23.660 Come on.
00:02:24.080 But I think that is literally because of how we think love should be and compared to
00:02:31.120 what it actually is.
00:02:33.260 Do you know, okay, so the first two or three years, obviously you're in the honeymoon
00:02:37.540 period and actually there's neurotransmitters like chemicals in the brain that are activated
00:02:43.160 in that period and they do wear off.
00:02:46.700 So, like, the in love, lust feeling does wear off.
00:02:50.420 And then, obviously, it turns into a more attachment, fondness, caring, duty, probably.
00:02:56.300 And so you do have to be committed to that type of love rather than always chasing that
00:03:01.160 honeymoon period.
00:03:01.960 Yeah, but this is why, this is why, sorry to cut you, yeah, but this is why I say, yeah,
00:03:07.380 like, marriage and love in general is work.
00:03:10.060 You can't expect the butterflies, you can't expect to be like, oh my God, like, you know,
00:03:15.480 I want to rip her clothes off, like, you know, you see, it's not like that.
00:03:19.200 Let's be real.
00:03:19.620 You get comfortable, you get to that position in a situation where you are, like, so used
00:03:25.600 to each other that you don't actually make enough effort for each other and it's all
00:03:30.160 about making effort and making, you know, like a routine, all right, babe, let's go
00:03:33.780 out every other week or let's book this and you've got to make the effort.
00:03:37.380 Otherwise, that light, that spark that you had the first time, that would just, you know,
00:03:42.380 it will go off.
00:03:43.220 You need to light that spark all the time and keep it lit, you know what I'm saying?
00:03:45.820 Like, a lot of people nowadays don't accept that the person that you're with and yourself
00:03:52.620 is going to change and people don't accept the change.
00:03:58.060 Like, I'm not the same person I was a year ago, two years ago, ten years ago.
00:04:02.780 True.
00:04:03.340 Like, I'm not.
00:04:04.120 Like, in a relationship, people always refer back to, oh, you're not the same person that
00:04:08.040 I met.
00:04:08.480 Well, yeah, and I'm glad that I'm not because I'm human.
00:04:12.060 I'm growing every day.
00:04:12.900 I learn new things.
00:04:13.800 There's no way that I'm going to stay the same.
00:04:17.800 Would you think, so then.
00:04:19.340 That's the fault on both parties, though, because you guys are supposed to be growing together.
00:04:22.760 Exactly.
00:04:23.040 Yeah, but then you see that whole, you see the saying of, oh, we grew apart.
00:04:28.620 Is that what you're trying to say?
00:04:29.700 I think women just say that for a reason to leave. 1.00
00:04:33.120 You know what?
00:04:34.120 I thought that.
00:04:35.020 You don't ever hear a man saying we grew apart.
00:04:38.560 Richie.
00:04:39.000 You don't ever hear a man saying that.
00:04:40.480 I also think this shit about, oh, the sparks, da, da, da.
00:04:43.380 People used to have arranged marriages.
00:04:46.420 Yeah, man.
00:04:47.100 They still do.
00:04:47.880 Some people still do.
00:04:48.920 And they worked out better than women picking for ourselves. 1.00
00:04:53.760 Yeah, but.
00:04:54.300 So if it was about love, sparks, all that, why isn't it working?
00:04:59.280 The thing is, at the time when arranged marriages were more common, you also couldn't get divorced
00:05:06.000 very easily and things like that.
00:05:07.620 So we don't know.
00:05:08.460 I think we should go back to that.
00:05:10.340 Divorce should be illegal. 0.99
00:05:14.000 Yo.
00:05:14.920 This is a trend.
00:05:15.740 That would be tricky.
00:05:16.600 What if the husband's beating the wife? 0.98
00:05:19.120 See, as women, we always go to the extreme. 0.93
00:05:21.600 Why do we got to bring up the 1%, 2%? 0.85
00:05:24.620 I've been in two domestic violence relationships.
00:05:26.660 So did you press charges with the police?
00:05:29.540 No, of course not.
00:05:30.340 Okay, so how do I know that's true?
00:05:35.120 How do I know that's true?
00:05:37.500 Because I'm saying that it happened.
00:05:39.400 I don't get it.
00:05:40.320 No, but I'm saying, because women always come on here and they'll say that, but it's like, 1.00
00:05:43.520 I don't know if that's true because you don't know what for the fun of it.
00:05:47.960 Why?
00:05:48.720 Yeah.
00:05:49.400 Because women lie all the time about abuse. 1.00
00:05:52.160 I don't know you personally.
00:05:53.760 I don't, I hope you're not, but no, I definitely wouldn't know.
00:05:59.280 And I hear where you're coming from.
00:06:01.340 I understand that there are women that put men in very difficult situations, which is not
00:06:07.360 right.
00:06:07.640 And I don't agree with, and you are absolutely right.
00:06:10.560 You don't know me, don't know me from Adam.
00:06:12.860 But I definitely wouldn't come on here and say that when it's not true.
00:06:18.380 Well, it just, I just get confused.
00:06:19.820 Like genuinely, I don't really understand when girls come on the podcast, but they didn't 1.00
00:06:23.160 go to the police.
00:06:23.940 Like it doesn't compute to me.
00:06:25.880 Because it's like, if you're, if you're brave.
00:06:27.300 It's the loyalty, it's the loyalty side of things.
00:06:29.380 For me, I'm loyal to the bone.
00:06:31.560 If you're in something, it's like, it also depends on the type of person that you're with
00:06:36.820 and the situation and the, and yeah, all that kind of stuff.
00:06:40.200 There's so many different factors to it.
00:06:41.840 Do people know who you've dated?
00:06:43.200 Like, do people know this guy, like who you've dated?
00:06:45.860 These guys that did that?
00:06:46.920 Yeah.
00:06:47.400 But so it's like, you're coming on here.
00:06:49.380 How is it loyal if you're coming on here?
00:06:50.880 Everyone knows who they are.
00:06:51.580 That was like over 10 years ago.
00:06:53.440 I would never mention names.
00:06:54.620 I would never, it was a point that I was trying to prove in regards to marriage should 0.97
00:06:58.840 be illegal.
00:07:01.060 So yeah, marriage should be illegal. 1.00
00:07:03.220 Divorce.
00:07:04.000 Divorce.
00:07:04.480 Divorce.
00:07:04.520 Divorce.
00:07:04.960 Divorce.
00:07:05.120 Divorce.
00:07:05.320 Yeah.
00:07:05.500 Sorry.
00:07:05.860 Sorry.
00:07:06.260 Sorry.
00:07:07.160 Divorce should be illegal. 0.99
00:07:09.000 And that was just a point that I was bringing, bringing to the table.
00:07:11.420 Yeah.
00:07:11.700 I'll give the abused girls out. 1.00
00:07:13.740 I'll give them an out.
00:07:14.680 Okay.
00:07:15.160 Okay.
00:07:15.680 Yeah.
00:07:16.020 That was the only point.
00:07:17.120 But I am very skeptical when women say they were abused and they didn't go to the police,
00:07:21.500 just in general.
00:07:22.680 There's so many.
00:07:23.380 I just.
00:07:24.000 Like they could be scared.
00:07:25.440 They could be embarrassed.
00:07:26.120 There's so many different factors and if you've not been through it, you would never
00:07:28.700 understand it.
00:07:29.140 I wouldn't expect it.
00:07:29.640 Well, to me, it's like if you're in two different situations where you were abused in both,
00:07:33.580 like my mind goes, well, did you hit him first?
00:07:36.040 Yeah.
00:07:36.680 No, that's true.
00:07:37.600 It's a pattern, right?
00:07:39.700 What pattern?
00:07:40.760 It's a pattern.
00:07:41.800 I've been in a relationship like that where it's aggressive.
00:07:45.280 Well, and that's the thing, like a lot of times, like women will say I was abused,
00:07:47.780 but like they're hitting too.
00:07:48.860 Do you know?
00:07:49.200 So then that's just an aggressive relationship.
00:07:50.980 That's very true.
00:07:52.060 What I think about is that.
00:07:53.080 It is true.
00:07:53.680 It is true.
00:07:54.120 But our grandparents, our great-grandparents, our great-great-grandparents, I feel like
00:07:58.200 they've been all through it.
00:08:00.700 And we hear about marriages over 20-some years, 30-some years, 40-some years, and they
00:08:05.860 all have been through it.
00:08:06.500 So what's our excuse when it comes to that?
00:08:08.340 But this is what I'm saying.
00:08:09.240 You've got to grow through what you go through.
00:08:11.920 And love is work.
00:08:13.040 It's not something you just be like, oh, I'm going to have this feeling for the rest
00:08:16.000 of my life.
00:08:16.900 You know, it's work.
00:08:17.940 It's not easy.
00:08:18.640 Are you saying that they went through domestic violence or just marriage?
00:08:21.800 I feel like it could be possible, but there's a reason why people stay.
00:08:25.300 It's because I don't think that we understand love like they do.
00:08:29.120 No, that's facts.
00:08:30.720 I mean, I believe that.
00:08:32.760 But that's why I think divorce should be illegal. 1.00
00:08:35.320 Okay, now hear me out.
00:08:36.220 Because what's the point of getting married if you believe in divorce?
00:08:39.800 It's true.
00:08:40.180 Just be in a relationship.
00:08:41.360 That's why men aren't getting married. 1.00
00:08:42.360 Because it's like, we all believe in getting divorced for X, Y, Z.
00:08:45.660 Yeah.
00:08:45.960 You know, I'll give you abuse. 1.00
00:08:48.900 You can leave for abuse.
00:08:51.040 Yeah, you're welcome.
00:08:51.900 I'm going to get beat and leave.
00:08:53.940 However, my only caveat is if you hit also, it doesn't count.
00:08:58.480 Yeah, no, I agree.
00:08:59.100 It's omitted.
00:09:00.540 I agree.