Post Wall Feminist Gets In Her Feelings After Hearing This
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Summary
In this episode, we discuss the idea that women need a man at a certain age in order to be happy. Is it true or not? Do women get happier without a man in their lives or do they need one?
Transcript
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I can't even imagine like life at six, like what does life at 60 look like without a man?
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Basically, I disagree with this statement that men brings happiness. It's a very old and classic
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statement and phrases that they said happiness should come through the within of you. May I?
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And it should come, you have to be happy, you know, you find happiness, definition of happiness in
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your life. And if there is a gentleman wants to come to your life, they will add something to that,
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not because they bring the happiness. They will add something.
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Well, my point is I don't think women typically are happy over a certain age with no man or kids.
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I think women get happiness from relationships. And when women don't have relationships, I just don't,
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I don't think that they're happy. How many people are in a relationship and unhappy?
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Is I don't, I don't see any, you know, scientific logic behind this sentence that we need a man
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at a certain age. Well, I'll say like, what I would say, what I would say to indicate that is that women
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are in antidepressants at a higher rate when they don't get married and they don't have children. Like
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that is the single most, like most medicated group. This is what they choose, you know,
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this is why they select. They want to be, why should everyone be a mother? May I? Why should everyone?
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Yeah. I'm not, I'm not saying every person has to be a mother, but the majority of women wanted kids.
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So the majority of women that don't have kids, like initially wanted kids.
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Um, I, you know, in science or in my part, you have to bring the numbers and you have to bring
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them, you know, you have to bring some, a very strong logic when you said majority of women where,
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well, they surveyed, they surveyed, they surveyed, they surveyed a couple thousand women. I can't
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remember the exact institution, but it was a college in the U S they surveyed, I think 3,000 to 5,000
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women asking if they wanted that were single and did not have kids asking if they wanted kids. And
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and I want to say it was 80, 85. I can't off the top of my head 85. So many countries are the rate of,
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you know, having a child is goes negative, you know, so they're not happy. You're right. Well,
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they are not happy. They are happy. Well, I do, I do think, I do think it has short-term happiness.
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I absolutely do. I think there's, what does it mean? Short-term happiness. That means they're happy
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now, but they're not happy in the longterm. Because again, life, life looks really different
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at, at 60 than it does at 25, at 35. Go ahead. I actually think that most women don't really know
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what happy is, but I actually read a statistic that showed that women are the happiest when they're
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given a blow job. Oh, really? No, but it's actually real. Go ahead. Yeah, go ahead. So, uh, predominantly,
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I think we have middle-aged women here, um, all maybe married, divorced. We're in that situation
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where I think most of us are, um, divorced at the moment. And I think we're kidding ourselves when
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we're saying we're going to be happy without a man and that we don't need to get married. We need a man.
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And I don't think no one is saying that here. What was the question? Can women be happy for a lifetime?
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No, they cannot. They cannot. So if any, like most, I think have said, yes, they can. No,
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they cannot. Because when they're single, they're still looking. They're on dating websites. And you
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know, you're, you're like, you said you were 43 and you're happy and you're single and you're in the,
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because you're beautiful. You're still beautiful, but you will age, you will get older, comes health.
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And, you know, you would need a partner. But who guaranteed it that partner will be there when
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I needed him? Um, uh, you know, in terms of that happen is because I feel like one man cannot provide
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you with everything. If you have a community of people, if you have lots of amazing relationships,
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commitment, commitment is man. I'm not, I'm not saying, um, um, uh, see, there are other needs that
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a man can fulfill for a woman. Yes, they are there. But happiness is not the grounding for,
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oh, I need to have a man, uh, for, because he's going to make me happy. You have to make yourself
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happy. You have to love yourself, make yourself happy. Yeah. There are other needs, obviously.
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God made a man because you cannot fulfill that gap. See, that's what I believe. I believe you will
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need a man eventually. I personally think my personal experience after being in a marriage
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for 18 years, I always see men as like a security for me coming from an Asian background. It's always
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just like, he's my, he's my back. Like, so other men can't approach me. I feel safe. I feel protected.
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That's something I can say, yes, a man can provide for life. And when I become single,
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I'm exposed to all these men's because I'm single now. So I've learned, I've learned for men to
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approach me and I've done so much self-work and growth. If a man approaches me, I'm like, no,
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I'm not available. I'm in a relationship. It's you. You need to work on your self-love and you need to,
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your self-control. So if somebody comes to you and wants you, no, I'm in a relationship.
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Absolutely. You can say that, but what I'm saying is once you are married, you just have that,
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okay, that's my protection there. That's my security. Maybe it's the way I've been raised as
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well. Like, you know, so for me, that urge of, okay, having that protection or leaning on someone
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when you're finding like, as a single mom challenges around kids and stuff, who can I lean on?
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Or so it's interesting. I just, you know what? I wonder, cause like, then who,
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if you don't get married, who takes care of you? You can take care of yourself.
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We are mature people. Why we are. Well, no, but I'm saying at some point,
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you're going to have health that everyone does. But can I just say something like,
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there's a difference between a woman choosing to be single because I feel that it's always a choice
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for women. It is always a choice. For men as well. It's a choice for men as well. No, it's not.
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Not when one out of three men are sexless. It's not a choice. It's not when, like,
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there's a whole group of men that have no choice because no women want them. Most men didn't even
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reproduce historically. Only 40% of men reproduced. But how does that take away from the-
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Because, because again, because women, what, all right, now in modern times, what, what starts
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relationships? Sex, right? Women are in control of sex. There's always someone willing to sleep
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with a woman. There's always someone willing to date a woman. That is true. Always. There's not always
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someone willing to date a man, right? That may be true. So, so therefore women always have choice.
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Men do not. Okay. Let me tell you why that is true and also not true. Okay. Because in the beginning,
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yes, you're right. A woman does have control of the sex part in terms of, like, introducing sex.
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But once the sex relationship is established, the power dynamics completely change. You're right.
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You're right. You're right. But my point is, where does it start? And you, you may be, you,
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some of you guys are a bit older, but in modern times, in modern times, in most relationships start
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with sex. No. If you, yes, they do. I mean, I'm not, maybe. In Tinder, in Tinder, dating after the number
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one way people are mating under the age of 30. Yeah. Come on. You, you know. Because we can't,
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we can't speak from a personal experience. Right. Because we have to speak. Right. Right.
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Speaking from a general experience. Yeah. Yeah. So I understand that. But we can't ignore the fact
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that the, that the power dynamics do change with men in terms of they take leadership of where the
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relationship will go. Most women actually wait on a man to be, to define the relationship, whether,
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where we are, where are we? But women, but we pick the type of men we date. Right. So you,
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so you either pick a marriage minded guy or you don't. It's true. That's true as well. That's very
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true. But what I'm saying in terms of like, wait until you're 60, you could, for example, I was,
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I was in a relationship for 13 years, was married, um, but I got married quite young. Well, some would say
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I'm young, 24 years old. Um, and then my late twenties, he was, I was my first partner from the time I was 16
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years old. So I start actually dating dating at the age of 28. Right. And now I'm in my mid thirties.
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Now, um, I've only been, let's say, single roughly around six years. So now I'm now looking for
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a relationship because I love love. I want to be in a relationship. I want to be married again.
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I love companionship. I believe in the idea. I believe in the idea. Um, but I can find a partner
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and we may be married for like 20 years. So let's say 45, 55. I'm not saying I'm not putting that into the
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atmosphere. I hope that is for life, but let's say we may be married for 20 years and anything can
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happen. It might be a loss. People lose, you know, I lost my close friend, my best friend in January
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and her partner now is a widow, for example, and he's only in his, they're both in the mid thirties.
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So anything can happen. It could be life. We all, we're not the same people as we are 10 years ago.
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One of the reasons. I don't, I don't think that matters though. I don't think it matters because you
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know why, because I say, Oh, a hundred percent, it matters. I'm going to go to that point. But
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what I'm trying to say is so now you're 55 for whatever reason. Now the separation, you know,
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is, is, is done. Um, I don't think that you take away your experience that you've had for the past 20
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years. So you've had a good 20 years of experience, just like many people, like our grandparents,
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a lot of them lose their partners. Um, but they still are, you know, yeah, they become lonely,
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but sometimes it's not all about choices. Sometimes things in life happens as humans,
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we're human individually. No, but I would say the majority of single women, it's a choice.
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I mean, I mean, we could, we could talk about being a widow. That's an exception,
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but the rule is it's a choice. Women leave relationships. Men don't.
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Well, I do. There's context behind that. No one leaves. I think women will always make up a reason.
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There's always some reason, like grow apart. Marriage isn't about growing apart. It's not about liking
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your partner. It's about duty. A hundred percent. So when the juice, exactly. So both men,
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so I have a role in my marriage and the man has a role in his marriage. So what if the man is not
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fulfilling those, those marriages? And remember. Well, but then it's like, it's so hypocritical
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because it's like, well, women are supposed to be virgins on their wedding night. Most women are
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virgins on their wedding night. So we're not perfect either, but yet we expect perfection from our
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husbands. No, there's not perfection. No one's expecting perfection. I literally just asked,
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there are duties. I'm not perfect neither is he. No one's talking about perfections here. We're talking about
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standard expectations within a marriage. So if that man, for example, because, um, you,
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you, you said people change people. I mean, the matter of changing doesn't, um, exist,
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but someone I got to, I mean, it doesn't exist, but it doesn't, I said, I, I, I think I implied
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it was a silly reason for divorce. Yeah. And the reason why I say that I, for example,
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I met my partner at 16 years old, right in college. Yeah. Right. When you meet someone at 16,
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we're both kids, the, what you're looking for a partner in your, when you're 16, it's completely
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different when you become an adult, you know, who now knows in a way what they want because they
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become, they come into their own adult or they, you know, who they are as a person. So in that time,
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as we're growing up, as when, when we became adults, we got to a point where we both knew in a way,
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because you, I think someone mentioned about compatibility, right? There, there is more to
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marriage and relationships than love. There's other things that constitutes marriage. We both
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didn't understand what constituted marriage, maybe because of our age at the time. Uh, we didn't
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have the, we weren't equipped with the right mindset when we got into the situation, because it's not
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just, Oh, I love you. Let's get married. So what does, what does that mean though? I need a specific
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example. So what I'm saying to you is if you, if two people that are not compatible end up in the
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marriage, there are things that are going to happen eventually. That's going to bring up issues,
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either resentment towards each other, because one person is expecting that person to mirror the
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other person that's going, and that goes vice versa between male and women. What is the,
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can I have a specific example of what this means? Cause I, it's just, this is very broad. So I need,
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I need to. Okay. So for example, a man, for example, you're in a relationship and let's say you start
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earning more than your partner, because we're growing so earning more than your partner. Um, you both
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grow halves on each other, but for some reason that man feels less than a man because he's earning
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less than you. Now, this is not nothing really that I can actually do because that's an individual
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thing for a person to do. Well, I would ask why he feels that way, because a lot of times what women
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do is they throw it in the guy's face and they constantly bring it. A lot of women do, a lot of women do.
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I'm not talking about you though. It's wrong and it's unfair. Yeah, but I'm not, but I'm not talking
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about it. A lot of women do, but I think sometimes as well, we have to be very balanced in terms of
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sometimes we push this narrative that women, there's a hundred percent toxic women that you're
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speaking of, but we're not talking in this context. So there are sometimes that men within themselves
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feel that they haven't found themselves, which is in a way in our twenties, we're still finding
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ourselves and then they may feel inferior because they might be earning less.
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I've never heard a guy talk about finding himself. That's like, I've heard guys talk about maturing,
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but I've... But that's maturing, it's development, it's a part of development, it's finding yourself.