JustPearlyThings - Post Wall Feminist Gets In Her Feelings After Hearing This

00:00:00.000 I can't even imagine like life at six, like what does life at 60 look like without a man?

00:00:06.800 Basically, I disagree with this statement that men brings happiness. It's a very old and classic

00:00:14.480 statement and phrases that they said happiness should come through the within of you. May I?

00:00:22.960 And it should come, you have to be happy, you know, you find happiness, definition of happiness in

00:00:27.920 your life. And if there is a gentleman wants to come to your life, they will add something to that,

00:00:34.560 not because they bring the happiness. They will add something.

00:00:38.640 Well, my point is I don't think women typically are happy over a certain age with no man or kids. 0.94

00:00:44.400 I think women get happiness from relationships. And when women don't have relationships, I just don't, 1.00

00:00:48.800 I don't think that they're happy. How many people are in a relationship and unhappy?

00:00:52.960 Is I don't, I don't see any, you know, scientific logic behind this sentence that we need a man

00:00:59.680 at a certain age. Well, I'll say like, what I would say, what I would say to indicate that is that women 1.00

00:01:04.720 are in antidepressants at a higher rate when they don't get married and they don't have children. Like

00:01:08.720 that is the single most, like most medicated group. This is what they choose, you know,

00:01:14.080 this is why they select. They want to be, why should everyone be a mother? May I? Why should everyone?

00:01:19.760 Yeah. I'm not, I'm not saying every person has to be a mother, but the majority of women wanted kids. 1.00

00:01:25.280 So the majority of women that don't have kids, like initially wanted kids. 1.00

00:01:30.160 Um, I, you know, in science or in my part, you have to bring the numbers and you have to bring

00:01:39.040 them, you know, you have to bring some, a very strong logic when you said majority of women where, 1.00

00:01:47.040 well, they surveyed, they surveyed, they surveyed, they surveyed a couple thousand women. I can't

00:01:51.680 remember the exact institution, but it was a college in the U S they surveyed, I think 3,000 to 5,000

00:01:56.720 women asking if they wanted that were single and did not have kids asking if they wanted kids. And 0.72

00:02:01.600 and I want to say it was 80, 85. I can't off the top of my head 85. So many countries are the rate of,

00:02:07.680 you know, having a child is goes negative, you know, so they're not happy. You're right. Well,

00:02:13.520 they are not happy. They are happy. Well, I do, I do think, I do think it has short-term happiness.

00:02:18.960 I absolutely do. I think there's, what does it mean? Short-term happiness. That means they're happy

00:02:23.600 now, but they're not happy in the longterm. Because again, life, life looks really different

00:02:28.400 at, at 60 than it does at 25, at 35. Go ahead. I actually think that most women don't really know 1.00

00:02:36.720 what happy is, but I actually read a statistic that showed that women are the happiest when they're 1.00

00:02:44.080 given a blow job. Oh, really? No, but it's actually real. Go ahead. Yeah, go ahead. So, uh, predominantly, 0.98

00:02:57.680 I think we have middle-aged women here, um, all maybe married, divorced. We're in that situation 0.99

00:03:04.320 where I think most of us are, um, divorced at the moment. And I think we're kidding ourselves when

00:03:10.000 we're saying we're going to be happy without a man and that we don't need to get married. We need a man.

00:03:15.360 And I don't think no one is saying that here. What was the question? Can women be happy for a lifetime?

00:03:23.680 No, they cannot. They cannot. So if any, like most, I think have said, yes, they can. No,

00:03:28.640 they cannot. Because when they're single, they're still looking. They're on dating websites. And you

00:03:33.840 know, you're, you're like, you said you were 43 and you're happy and you're single and you're in the,

00:03:40.640 because you're beautiful. You're still beautiful, but you will age, you will get older, comes health.

00:03:46.480 And, you know, you would need a partner. But who guaranteed it that partner will be there when

00:03:52.880 I needed him? Um, uh, you know, in terms of that happen is because I feel like one man cannot provide

00:04:00.480 you with everything. If you have a community of people, if you have lots of amazing relationships,

00:04:05.520 commitment, commitment is man. I'm not, I'm not saying, um, um, uh, see, there are other needs that

00:04:12.400 a man can fulfill for a woman. Yes, they are there. But happiness is not the grounding for,

00:04:19.600 oh, I need to have a man, uh, for, because he's going to make me happy. You have to make yourself

00:04:25.600 happy. You have to love yourself, make yourself happy. Yeah. There are other needs, obviously.

00:04:31.120 God made a man because you cannot fulfill that gap. See, that's what I believe. I believe you will

00:04:37.120 need a man eventually. I personally think my personal experience after being in a marriage

00:04:42.160 for 18 years, I always see men as like a security for me coming from an Asian background. It's always 1.00

00:04:49.200 just like, he's my, he's my back. Like, so other men can't approach me. I feel safe. I feel protected.

00:04:57.360 That's something I can say, yes, a man can provide for life. And when I become single,

00:05:03.360 I'm exposed to all these men's because I'm single now. So I've learned, I've learned for men to

00:05:08.320 approach me and I've done so much self-work and growth. If a man approaches me, I'm like, no,

00:05:13.920 I'm not available. I'm in a relationship. It's you. You need to work on your self-love and you need to,

00:05:19.760 your self-control. So if somebody comes to you and wants you, no, I'm in a relationship.

00:05:24.160 Absolutely. You can say that, but what I'm saying is once you are married, you just have that,

00:05:29.840 okay, that's my protection there. That's my security. Maybe it's the way I've been raised as

00:05:34.400 well. Like, you know, so for me, that urge of, okay, having that protection or leaning on someone

00:05:39.840 when you're finding like, as a single mom challenges around kids and stuff, who can I lean on?

00:05:45.120 Or so it's interesting. I just, you know what? I wonder, cause like, then who,

00:05:49.920 if you don't get married, who takes care of you? You can take care of yourself. 0.93

00:05:55.120 We are mature people. Why we are. Well, no, but I'm saying at some point,

00:05:59.280 you're going to have health that everyone does. But can I just say something like,

00:06:04.000 there's a difference between a woman choosing to be single because I feel that it's always a choice 0.82

00:06:11.040 for women. It is always a choice. For men as well. It's a choice for men as well. No, it's not.

00:06:15.440 Not when one out of three men are sexless. It's not a choice. It's not when, like,

00:06:24.160 there's a whole group of men that have no choice because no women want them. Most men didn't even 0.96

00:06:28.160 reproduce historically. Only 40% of men reproduced. But how does that take away from the-

00:06:34.880 Because, because again, because women, what, all right, now in modern times, what, what starts 1.00

00:06:39.360 relationships? Sex, right? Women are in control of sex. There's always someone willing to sleep 1.00

00:06:44.960 with a woman. There's always someone willing to date a woman. That is true. Always. There's not always 0.98

00:06:49.600 someone willing to date a man, right? That may be true. So, so therefore women always have choice. 1.00

00:06:54.720 Men do not. Okay. Let me tell you why that is true and also not true. Okay. Because in the beginning, 0.84

00:07:01.040 yes, you're right. A woman does have control of the sex part in terms of, like, introducing sex. 1.00

00:07:07.200 But once the sex relationship is established, the power dynamics completely change. You're right.

00:07:12.320 You're right. You're right. But my point is, where does it start? And you, you may be, you,

00:07:16.880 some of you guys are a bit older, but in modern times, in modern times, in most relationships start

00:07:21.680 with sex. No. If you, yes, they do. I mean, I'm not, maybe. In Tinder, in Tinder, dating after the number

00:07:28.000 one way people are mating under the age of 30. Yeah. Come on. You, you know. Because we can't, 1.00

00:07:32.560 we can't speak from a personal experience. Right. Because we have to speak. Right. Right.

00:07:37.120 Speaking from a general experience. Yeah. Yeah. So I understand that. But we can't ignore the fact

00:07:41.920 that the, that the power dynamics do change with men in terms of they take leadership of where the

00:07:46.320 relationship will go. Most women actually wait on a man to be, to define the relationship, whether, 1.00

00:07:53.920 where we are, where are we? But women, but we pick the type of men we date. Right. So you, 1.00

00:07:58.560 so you either pick a marriage minded guy or you don't. It's true. That's true as well. That's very

00:08:03.040 true. But what I'm saying in terms of like, wait until you're 60, you could, for example, I was,

00:08:07.760 I was in a relationship for 13 years, was married, um, but I got married quite young. Well, some would say

00:08:14.240 I'm young, 24 years old. Um, and then my late twenties, he was, I was my first partner from the time I was 16

00:08:20.400 years old. So I start actually dating dating at the age of 28. Right. And now I'm in my mid thirties.

00:08:26.160 Now, um, I've only been, let's say, single roughly around six years. So now I'm now looking for

00:08:33.120 a relationship because I love love. I want to be in a relationship. I want to be married again.

00:08:37.600 I love companionship. I believe in the idea. I believe in the idea. Um, but I can find a partner

00:08:44.080 and we may be married for like 20 years. So let's say 45, 55. I'm not saying I'm not putting that into the

00:08:49.760 atmosphere. I hope that is for life, but let's say we may be married for 20 years and anything can

00:08:55.040 happen. It might be a loss. People lose, you know, I lost my close friend, my best friend in January

00:09:01.040 and her partner now is a widow, for example, and he's only in his, they're both in the mid thirties.

00:09:05.760 So anything can happen. It could be life. We all, we're not the same people as we are 10 years ago.

00:09:11.760 One of the reasons. I don't, I don't think that matters though. I don't think it matters because you

00:09:15.760 know why, because I say, Oh, a hundred percent, it matters. I'm going to go to that point. But

00:09:19.760 what I'm trying to say is so now you're 55 for whatever reason. Now the separation, you know,

00:09:25.120 is, is, is done. Um, I don't think that you take away your experience that you've had for the past 20

00:09:32.240 years. So you've had a good 20 years of experience, just like many people, like our grandparents,

00:09:36.480 a lot of them lose their partners. Um, but they still are, you know, yeah, they become lonely,

00:09:43.440 but sometimes it's not all about choices. Sometimes things in life happens as humans,

00:09:47.680 we're human individually. No, but I would say the majority of single women, it's a choice. 1.00

00:09:52.480 I mean, I mean, we could, we could talk about being a widow. That's an exception,

00:09:55.440 but the rule is it's a choice. Women leave relationships. Men don't. 1.00

00:09:58.080 Well, I do. There's context behind that. No one leaves. I think women will always make up a reason. 1.00

00:10:03.040 There's always some reason, like grow apart. Marriage isn't about growing apart. It's not about liking

00:10:07.280 your partner. It's about duty. A hundred percent. So when the juice, exactly. So both men,

00:10:12.400 so I have a role in my marriage and the man has a role in his marriage. So what if the man is not

00:10:17.680 fulfilling those, those marriages? And remember. Well, but then it's like, it's so hypocritical

00:10:21.760 because it's like, well, women are supposed to be virgins on their wedding night. Most women are 0.99

00:10:25.120 virgins on their wedding night. So we're not perfect either, but yet we expect perfection from our

00:10:29.680 husbands. No, there's not perfection. No one's expecting perfection. I literally just asked,

00:10:34.160 there are duties. I'm not perfect neither is he. No one's talking about perfections here. We're talking about

00:10:39.840 standard expectations within a marriage. So if that man, for example, because, um, you,

00:10:45.120 you, you said people change people. I mean, the matter of changing doesn't, um, exist,

00:10:51.120 but someone I got to, I mean, it doesn't exist, but it doesn't, I said, I, I, I think I implied

00:10:55.680 it was a silly reason for divorce. Yeah. And the reason why I say that I, for example,

00:10:59.200 I met my partner at 16 years old, right in college. Yeah. Right. When you meet someone at 16,

00:11:04.400 we're both kids, the, what you're looking for a partner in your, when you're 16, it's completely

00:11:09.600 different when you become an adult, you know, who now knows in a way what they want because they

00:11:15.360 become, they come into their own adult or they, you know, who they are as a person. So in that time,

00:11:20.800 as we're growing up, as when, when we became adults, we got to a point where we both knew in a way,

00:11:26.560 because you, I think someone mentioned about compatibility, right? There, there is more to

00:11:31.520 marriage and relationships than love. There's other things that constitutes marriage. We both

00:11:36.080 didn't understand what constituted marriage, maybe because of our age at the time. Uh, we didn't

00:11:40.720 have the, we weren't equipped with the right mindset when we got into the situation, because it's not

00:11:45.120 just, Oh, I love you. Let's get married. So what does, what does that mean though? I need a specific

00:11:48.800 example. So what I'm saying to you is if you, if two people that are not compatible end up in the

00:11:53.840 marriage, there are things that are going to happen eventually. That's going to bring up issues, 1.00

00:11:58.080 either resentment towards each other, because one person is expecting that person to mirror the

00:12:02.000 other person that's going, and that goes vice versa between male and women. What is the,

00:12:05.200 can I have a specific example of what this means? Cause I, it's just, this is very broad. So I need,

00:12:09.440 I need to. Okay. So for example, a man, for example, you're in a relationship and let's say you start

00:12:16.160 earning more than your partner, because we're growing so earning more than your partner. Um, you both

00:12:21.280 grow halves on each other, but for some reason that man feels less than a man because he's earning

00:12:28.720 less than you. Now, this is not nothing really that I can actually do because that's an individual

00:12:34.880 thing for a person to do. Well, I would ask why he feels that way, because a lot of times what women

00:12:39.280 do is they throw it in the guy's face and they constantly bring it. A lot of women do, a lot of women do. 1.00

00:12:43.280 I'm not talking about you though. It's wrong and it's unfair. Yeah, but I'm not, but I'm not talking

00:12:50.880 about it. A lot of women do, but I think sometimes as well, we have to be very balanced in terms of 1.00

00:12:56.480 sometimes we push this narrative that women, there's a hundred percent toxic women that you're 1.00

00:13:01.280 speaking of, but we're not talking in this context. So there are sometimes that men within themselves

00:13:07.600 feel that they haven't found themselves, which is in a way in our twenties, we're still finding

00:13:11.360 ourselves and then they may feel inferior because they might be earning less.

00:13:14.720 I've never heard a guy talk about finding himself. That's like, I've heard guys talk about maturing,

00:13:22.960 but I've... But that's maturing, it's development, it's a part of development, it's finding yourself.

JustPearlyThings - July 01, 2023

Post Wall Feminist Gets In Her Feelings After Hearing This

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