JustPearlyThings - July 01, 2023


Post Wall Feminist Gets In Her Feelings After Hearing This


Episode Stats


Length

13 minutes

Words per minute

196.25198

Word count

2,646

Sentence count

221

Harmful content

Misogyny

24

sentences flagged

Toxicity

3

sentences flagged

Hate speech

15

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we discuss the idea that women need a man at a certain age in order to be happy. Is it true or not? Do women get happier without a man in their lives or do they need one?

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 I can't even imagine like life at six, like what does life at 60 look like without a man?
00:00:06.800 Basically, I disagree with this statement that men brings happiness. It's a very old and classic
00:00:14.480 statement and phrases that they said happiness should come through the within of you. May I?
00:00:22.960 And it should come, you have to be happy, you know, you find happiness, definition of happiness in
00:00:27.920 your life. And if there is a gentleman wants to come to your life, they will add something to that,
00:00:34.560 not because they bring the happiness. They will add something.
00:00:38.640 Well, my point is I don't think women typically are happy over a certain age with no man or kids. 0.94
00:00:44.400 I think women get happiness from relationships. And when women don't have relationships, I just don't, 1.00
00:00:48.800 I don't think that they're happy. How many people are in a relationship and unhappy?
00:00:52.960 Is I don't, I don't see any, you know, scientific logic behind this sentence that we need a man
00:00:59.680 at a certain age. Well, I'll say like, what I would say, what I would say to indicate that is that women 1.00
00:01:04.720 are in antidepressants at a higher rate when they don't get married and they don't have children. Like
00:01:08.720 that is the single most, like most medicated group. This is what they choose, you know,
00:01:14.080 this is why they select. They want to be, why should everyone be a mother? May I? Why should everyone?
00:01:19.760 Yeah. I'm not, I'm not saying every person has to be a mother, but the majority of women wanted kids. 1.00
00:01:25.280 So the majority of women that don't have kids, like initially wanted kids. 1.00
00:01:30.160 Um, I, you know, in science or in my part, you have to bring the numbers and you have to bring
00:01:39.040 them, you know, you have to bring some, a very strong logic when you said majority of women where, 1.00
00:01:47.040 well, they surveyed, they surveyed, they surveyed, they surveyed a couple thousand women. I can't
00:01:51.680 remember the exact institution, but it was a college in the U S they surveyed, I think 3,000 to 5,000
00:01:56.720 women asking if they wanted that were single and did not have kids asking if they wanted kids. And 0.72
00:02:01.600 and I want to say it was 80, 85. I can't off the top of my head 85. So many countries are the rate of,
00:02:07.680 you know, having a child is goes negative, you know, so they're not happy. You're right. Well,
00:02:13.520 they are not happy. They are happy. Well, I do, I do think, I do think it has short-term happiness.
00:02:18.960 I absolutely do. I think there's, what does it mean? Short-term happiness. That means they're happy
00:02:23.600 now, but they're not happy in the longterm. Because again, life, life looks really different
00:02:28.400 at, at 60 than it does at 25, at 35. Go ahead. I actually think that most women don't really know 1.00
00:02:36.720 what happy is, but I actually read a statistic that showed that women are the happiest when they're 1.00
00:02:44.080 given a blow job. Oh, really? No, but it's actually real. Go ahead. Yeah, go ahead. So, uh, predominantly, 0.98
00:02:57.680 I think we have middle-aged women here, um, all maybe married, divorced. We're in that situation 0.99
00:03:04.320 where I think most of us are, um, divorced at the moment. And I think we're kidding ourselves when
00:03:10.000 we're saying we're going to be happy without a man and that we don't need to get married. We need a man.
00:03:15.360 And I don't think no one is saying that here. What was the question? Can women be happy for a lifetime?
00:03:23.680 No, they cannot. They cannot. So if any, like most, I think have said, yes, they can. No,
00:03:28.640 they cannot. Because when they're single, they're still looking. They're on dating websites. And you
00:03:33.840 know, you're, you're like, you said you were 43 and you're happy and you're single and you're in the,
00:03:40.640 because you're beautiful. You're still beautiful, but you will age, you will get older, comes health.
00:03:46.480 And, you know, you would need a partner. But who guaranteed it that partner will be there when
00:03:52.880 I needed him? Um, uh, you know, in terms of that happen is because I feel like one man cannot provide
00:04:00.480 you with everything. If you have a community of people, if you have lots of amazing relationships,
00:04:05.520 commitment, commitment is man. I'm not, I'm not saying, um, um, uh, see, there are other needs that
00:04:12.400 a man can fulfill for a woman. Yes, they are there. But happiness is not the grounding for,
00:04:19.600 oh, I need to have a man, uh, for, because he's going to make me happy. You have to make yourself
00:04:25.600 happy. You have to love yourself, make yourself happy. Yeah. There are other needs, obviously.
00:04:31.120 God made a man because you cannot fulfill that gap. See, that's what I believe. I believe you will
00:04:37.120 need a man eventually. I personally think my personal experience after being in a marriage
00:04:42.160 for 18 years, I always see men as like a security for me coming from an Asian background. It's always 1.00
00:04:49.200 just like, he's my, he's my back. Like, so other men can't approach me. I feel safe. I feel protected.
00:04:57.360 That's something I can say, yes, a man can provide for life. And when I become single,
00:05:03.360 I'm exposed to all these men's because I'm single now. So I've learned, I've learned for men to
00:05:08.320 approach me and I've done so much self-work and growth. If a man approaches me, I'm like, no,
00:05:13.920 I'm not available. I'm in a relationship. It's you. You need to work on your self-love and you need to,
00:05:19.760 your self-control. So if somebody comes to you and wants you, no, I'm in a relationship.
00:05:24.160 Absolutely. You can say that, but what I'm saying is once you are married, you just have that,
00:05:29.840 okay, that's my protection there. That's my security. Maybe it's the way I've been raised as
00:05:34.400 well. Like, you know, so for me, that urge of, okay, having that protection or leaning on someone
00:05:39.840 when you're finding like, as a single mom challenges around kids and stuff, who can I lean on?
00:05:45.120 Or so it's interesting. I just, you know what? I wonder, cause like, then who,
00:05:49.920 if you don't get married, who takes care of you? You can take care of yourself. 0.93
00:05:55.120 We are mature people. Why we are. Well, no, but I'm saying at some point,
00:05:59.280 you're going to have health that everyone does. But can I just say something like,
00:06:04.000 there's a difference between a woman choosing to be single because I feel that it's always a choice 0.82
00:06:11.040 for women. It is always a choice. For men as well. It's a choice for men as well. No, it's not.
00:06:15.440 Not when one out of three men are sexless. It's not a choice. It's not when, like,
00:06:24.160 there's a whole group of men that have no choice because no women want them. Most men didn't even 0.96
00:06:28.160 reproduce historically. Only 40% of men reproduced. But how does that take away from the-
00:06:34.880 Because, because again, because women, what, all right, now in modern times, what, what starts 1.00
00:06:39.360 relationships? Sex, right? Women are in control of sex. There's always someone willing to sleep 1.00
00:06:44.960 with a woman. There's always someone willing to date a woman. That is true. Always. There's not always 0.98
00:06:49.600 someone willing to date a man, right? That may be true. So, so therefore women always have choice. 1.00
00:06:54.720 Men do not. Okay. Let me tell you why that is true and also not true. Okay. Because in the beginning, 0.84
00:07:01.040 yes, you're right. A woman does have control of the sex part in terms of, like, introducing sex. 1.00
00:07:07.200 But once the sex relationship is established, the power dynamics completely change. You're right.
00:07:12.320 You're right. You're right. But my point is, where does it start? And you, you may be, you,
00:07:16.880 some of you guys are a bit older, but in modern times, in modern times, in most relationships start
00:07:21.680 with sex. No. If you, yes, they do. I mean, I'm not, maybe. In Tinder, in Tinder, dating after the number
00:07:28.000 one way people are mating under the age of 30. Yeah. Come on. You, you know. Because we can't, 1.00
00:07:32.560 we can't speak from a personal experience. Right. Because we have to speak. Right. Right.
00:07:37.120 Speaking from a general experience. Yeah. Yeah. So I understand that. But we can't ignore the fact
00:07:41.920 that the, that the power dynamics do change with men in terms of they take leadership of where the
00:07:46.320 relationship will go. Most women actually wait on a man to be, to define the relationship, whether, 1.00
00:07:53.920 where we are, where are we? But women, but we pick the type of men we date. Right. So you, 1.00
00:07:58.560 so you either pick a marriage minded guy or you don't. It's true. That's true as well. That's very
00:08:03.040 true. But what I'm saying in terms of like, wait until you're 60, you could, for example, I was,
00:08:07.760 I was in a relationship for 13 years, was married, um, but I got married quite young. Well, some would say
00:08:14.240 I'm young, 24 years old. Um, and then my late twenties, he was, I was my first partner from the time I was 16
00:08:20.400 years old. So I start actually dating dating at the age of 28. Right. And now I'm in my mid thirties.
00:08:26.160 Now, um, I've only been, let's say, single roughly around six years. So now I'm now looking for
00:08:33.120 a relationship because I love love. I want to be in a relationship. I want to be married again.
00:08:37.600 I love companionship. I believe in the idea. I believe in the idea. Um, but I can find a partner
00:08:44.080 and we may be married for like 20 years. So let's say 45, 55. I'm not saying I'm not putting that into the
00:08:49.760 atmosphere. I hope that is for life, but let's say we may be married for 20 years and anything can
00:08:55.040 happen. It might be a loss. People lose, you know, I lost my close friend, my best friend in January
00:09:01.040 and her partner now is a widow, for example, and he's only in his, they're both in the mid thirties.
00:09:05.760 So anything can happen. It could be life. We all, we're not the same people as we are 10 years ago.
00:09:11.760 One of the reasons. I don't, I don't think that matters though. I don't think it matters because you
00:09:15.760 know why, because I say, Oh, a hundred percent, it matters. I'm going to go to that point. But
00:09:19.760 what I'm trying to say is so now you're 55 for whatever reason. Now the separation, you know,
00:09:25.120 is, is, is done. Um, I don't think that you take away your experience that you've had for the past 20
00:09:32.240 years. So you've had a good 20 years of experience, just like many people, like our grandparents,
00:09:36.480 a lot of them lose their partners. Um, but they still are, you know, yeah, they become lonely,
00:09:43.440 but sometimes it's not all about choices. Sometimes things in life happens as humans,
00:09:47.680 we're human individually. No, but I would say the majority of single women, it's a choice. 1.00
00:09:52.480 I mean, I mean, we could, we could talk about being a widow. That's an exception,
00:09:55.440 but the rule is it's a choice. Women leave relationships. Men don't. 1.00
00:09:58.080 Well, I do. There's context behind that. No one leaves. I think women will always make up a reason. 1.00
00:10:03.040 There's always some reason, like grow apart. Marriage isn't about growing apart. It's not about liking
00:10:07.280 your partner. It's about duty. A hundred percent. So when the juice, exactly. So both men,
00:10:12.400 so I have a role in my marriage and the man has a role in his marriage. So what if the man is not
00:10:17.680 fulfilling those, those marriages? And remember. Well, but then it's like, it's so hypocritical
00:10:21.760 because it's like, well, women are supposed to be virgins on their wedding night. Most women are 0.99
00:10:25.120 virgins on their wedding night. So we're not perfect either, but yet we expect perfection from our
00:10:29.680 husbands. No, there's not perfection. No one's expecting perfection. I literally just asked,
00:10:34.160 there are duties. I'm not perfect neither is he. No one's talking about perfections here. We're talking about
00:10:39.840 standard expectations within a marriage. So if that man, for example, because, um, you,
00:10:45.120 you, you said people change people. I mean, the matter of changing doesn't, um, exist,
00:10:51.120 but someone I got to, I mean, it doesn't exist, but it doesn't, I said, I, I, I think I implied
00:10:55.680 it was a silly reason for divorce. Yeah. And the reason why I say that I, for example,
00:10:59.200 I met my partner at 16 years old, right in college. Yeah. Right. When you meet someone at 16,
00:11:04.400 we're both kids, the, what you're looking for a partner in your, when you're 16, it's completely
00:11:09.600 different when you become an adult, you know, who now knows in a way what they want because they
00:11:15.360 become, they come into their own adult or they, you know, who they are as a person. So in that time,
00:11:20.800 as we're growing up, as when, when we became adults, we got to a point where we both knew in a way,
00:11:26.560 because you, I think someone mentioned about compatibility, right? There, there is more to
00:11:31.520 marriage and relationships than love. There's other things that constitutes marriage. We both
00:11:36.080 didn't understand what constituted marriage, maybe because of our age at the time. Uh, we didn't
00:11:40.720 have the, we weren't equipped with the right mindset when we got into the situation, because it's not
00:11:45.120 just, Oh, I love you. Let's get married. So what does, what does that mean though? I need a specific
00:11:48.800 example. So what I'm saying to you is if you, if two people that are not compatible end up in the
00:11:53.840 marriage, there are things that are going to happen eventually. That's going to bring up issues, 1.00
00:11:58.080 either resentment towards each other, because one person is expecting that person to mirror the
00:12:02.000 other person that's going, and that goes vice versa between male and women. What is the,
00:12:05.200 can I have a specific example of what this means? Cause I, it's just, this is very broad. So I need,
00:12:09.440 I need to. Okay. So for example, a man, for example, you're in a relationship and let's say you start
00:12:16.160 earning more than your partner, because we're growing so earning more than your partner. Um, you both
00:12:21.280 grow halves on each other, but for some reason that man feels less than a man because he's earning
00:12:28.720 less than you. Now, this is not nothing really that I can actually do because that's an individual
00:12:34.880 thing for a person to do. Well, I would ask why he feels that way, because a lot of times what women
00:12:39.280 do is they throw it in the guy's face and they constantly bring it. A lot of women do, a lot of women do. 1.00
00:12:43.280 I'm not talking about you though. It's wrong and it's unfair. Yeah, but I'm not, but I'm not talking
00:12:50.880 about it. A lot of women do, but I think sometimes as well, we have to be very balanced in terms of 1.00
00:12:56.480 sometimes we push this narrative that women, there's a hundred percent toxic women that you're 1.00
00:13:01.280 speaking of, but we're not talking in this context. So there are sometimes that men within themselves
00:13:07.600 feel that they haven't found themselves, which is in a way in our twenties, we're still finding
00:13:11.360 ourselves and then they may feel inferior because they might be earning less.
00:13:14.720 I've never heard a guy talk about finding himself. That's like, I've heard guys talk about maturing,
00:13:22.960 but I've... But that's maturing, it's development, it's a part of development, it's finding yourself.